After realizing that the father had engaged in extramarital affairs, how should one correctly understand and perceive sexuality?

Hello. I am grateful for the opportunity to meet.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful.

Your family life has led to negative feelings about your father's relationship due to his sexual infidelity. You have watched your mother, who is loyal to the family, suffer in this atmosphere. After talking to you, you have also been affected by these negative emotions. This has led you to question whether you can be happy in your future life.

I have some suggestions that I am confident will help you.

First of all, your mother has forgiven your father and they have not divorced. After all, your parents have been separated for 20 years. I want to know if they have always kept in touch and visited each other in the city.

Your mother is likely reflecting on her own faults and tolerating them to keep the family stable.

Second, accept the reality of your father's sexual infidelity. It is disloyal to his spouse.

Let me be clear: there is no emotional infidelity. He maintains a conjugal relationship with his mother.

It may be immoral, but that is the way you get along with your mother, and you can't change it.

Third, your father still has very deep feelings for you as a daughter, and his love for you remains unchanged. His actions may have been immoral, but the father-daughter bond remains unbroken.

Fourth: Sexual infidelity is immoral because it is disloyal to one's partner. It can also lead to family problems and social problems.

The father's sexual infidelity caused disharmony in your family, sadness for your mother, and negative emotions in your children.

Let's not forget that crimes caused by sexual infidelity also exist on a social level.

Fifth: You have the right to pursue love for the rest of your life. Your parents have shortcomings that have brought them to this point. Avoid similar problems in your future family life.

You have the ability to take care of yourself, run your own household, and raise your own children. You can learn to do these things better.

If you feel the problem has not been resolved to your satisfaction, I advise you to seek psychological counseling. You deserve to improve the quality of your life.

You've got this! The world and I love you!

Hello, question asker.

I would give you a hug from afar if I could.

I will comfort your lost and confused heart!

From your last few questions, "Why?," it is clear that your father's

Your sexual infidelity has had a profound impact on you, causing you to be confused about sexual morality.

Sexual awareness, intimate relationships, and confusion about love and marriage.

Right?

I don't know what the foundation of your parents' relationship was.

She stated that she has forgiven your father for his mistakes.

Has she truly forgiven and let go?

Or did she compromise for the sake of the marriage?

We can confidently say that your mother has accepted

Your father has an "unruly" history, and your mother has accepted this reality.

You need to consider that this "dark history" of the family

You can learn something from this.

A marriage is a contract formed by responsibility, obligation, intimacy, and sex.

The rights and interests between a husband and wife are protected by law.

Characteristics. That is why the rights and interests between husband and wife are protected by law.

Your mother was hurt by your father because he violated her right to

Your father violated your mother's rights, causing her to feel shame and anger that she could no longer express.

Thankfully, for a long period of three years, you became your mother's "trash can."

Your mother's emotional support and encouragement undoubtedly helped her overcome her own helplessness and despair.

When your parents got back together,

You were utterly lost and suddenly fell into an ice cave.

The despair and anger that come from feeling abandoned, right?

You isolated yourself for those three years, effectively shutting the heart of a young girl.

It also blocked your feelings for your parents.

There is likely anger towards your parents in there, as well as helplessness and despair caused by confusion about "sex."

Let yourself feel helpless and desperate.

Let me be clear:

It's based on human biology. Your father didn't restrain himself.

His actions were driven by a simple biological imperative.

This is not contradictory to whether or not your mother loves you.

She loves your mother and you, and she bears the responsibilities and obligations of the family.

But the unbearable physical hunger and the insufficient ability to restrain oneself due to sexual morality

He knowingly violated the law.

Furthermore, traditional Chinese culture is dominated by male power and treats sex with unfair restrictions. Sexual morality is harsh on women and relatively lenient on men. Men who cheat on their wives and visit prostitutes can be forgiven by society, but women who cheat are not.

This is an unpardonable moral bottom line.

The sense of shame and fear that it instills in women after they have made a mistake has undoubtedly contributed to their sexual repression.

The fear of making a mistake makes sexually moral women suppress their sexuality even more strongly.

Your man's sexual mistakes are more likely to trigger a psychological imbalance in you!

Your hurt and uncertainty may stem from a lack of trust in men.

Do you believe in marriage? Are you unsure how to get along with the opposite sex?

You need to break the cycle.

You must consider how to let go of these "dirty" things in your family.

Let the shadow of the family exist for a while.

It will remind you that

Men are animals that satisfy their own physical needs first and foremost.

Then be a gentleman.

You will heal through your studies.

If you're trying to get in touch with friends of the opposite sex,

Your opposite-sex friends are not like your father.

And you need to know:

Moms forgive their husbands for a reason.

Love? To maintain the marriage and you?

Or for herself?

If you were in the role of the mother and faced such a husband,

I want to know how you would choose to make yourself more comfortable.

You should also consider what the father's feelings are.

He needs to reflect on and take responsibility for his mistakes.

If both parents let go of the past and the unbearable things,

If you keep living in the past,

You don't want to be a victim.

You have every right to find your own love and happiness.

It's tough right now, but you can do this. Be brave.

Come on!

I love you, Yixinli!

Good morning,

Host:

I have taken the time to read the post carefully and I can sense the complexity of the emotions the poster is currently experiencing. At the same time, I also noticed that the poster has courageously expressed his distress and has actively sought help, which will undoubtedly help the poster to gain a deeper understanding of himself and of intimacy, marriage, sex, etc.

I would like to share some observations and thoughts that I hope will provide the host with a more comprehensive understanding of the situation.

1. It would be beneficial to focus on taking care of your emotions first.

It is understandable that observing the marriage problems of the parents in the post has caused the poster a lot of emotional distress. When dealing with her mother, it seems that the poster is passively enduring her mother's emotions, watching her mother suffer, and feeling helpless and powerless when her mother is hurt emotionally.

It's possible that helping your mother may be directed at your father, and I can imagine that this is a challenging situation for you.

Perhaps if you were in their shoes, you might find that you could not do as much as you have done in this situation. I believe you have done your best, and I admire you for that.

I would gently encourage you not to blame yourself. Instead, embrace the vulnerable self that has to pretend to be strong.

So, what can we do now? I believe the most important thing is to take care of your emotions first.

It may be helpful to remember that taking care of yourself is the only way to be able to take care of others. This could mean that the host may need to learn to try to separate from their parents, both mentally and, of course, physically.

It may be helpful to consider that expressing our emotions can contribute to a more balanced approach to our rationality.

It may be helpful to focus on taking care of yourself, as this can give you more energy to grow. Looking back at our parents' problems might also be beneficial, as it can help us become more organized.

2. It might be helpful to try to separate issues.

Perhaps we could define problem separation as the ability to distinguish between our own problems and those of others.

With regard to the marriage problems of mom and dad, it is worth noting that this is a matter for the two of them. There are a number of practical factors at play, as well as the question of how they interact with each other. It seems fair to say that they both have a share of responsibility.

Perhaps it would be helpful for them to take responsibility for their lives. And it might also be beneficial for the landlord to take responsibility for their emotions and their lives.

This may seem unkind, but is ignoring them the best solution? What is the best way to handle this as parents?

Perhaps it would be more beneficial to avoid forcing yourself to take care of it, as this could potentially lead to an intensification of your emotions.

It may therefore be helpful for the landlord to consider reserving more energy and time for themselves, with a view to having more strength to grow, increasing their own knowledge and improving their own dimensions.

Perhaps we can gain a deeper understanding of problems when we view them from a different perspective.

3. Consider learning and improving yourself.

I believe that the original poster has the potential to improve themselves and expand their knowledge through learning or consulting.

In the original post, the host mentioned that he was unsure of how to navigate relationships with the opposite sex and develop romantic relationships. He also expressed difficulty distinguishing between love and sex.

I must admit that I'm not entirely sure how to understand sex. Could you possibly enlighten me as to why sexual infidelity is considered wrong?

Could you please clarify why sex after marriage is only between a husband and wife? I'm also curious about the morality of prostitution.

We can all grow in response to these issues. There's no need to rush to find answers. Instead, you can learn more about these topics. For example, if you're unsure how to develop a romantic relationship, you might find it helpful to read the book Intimate Relationships.

If you're unsure how to understand sex, you might find it helpful to read popular science or courses on the topic. I believe Sharon Hancocks' "Sex Therapy Class" could be a valuable resource in this regard.

You might find it helpful to read more books on psychology. There are many books on the One Psychology platform that you could explore.

It's important to remember that learning and growing takes time and effort. It's okay to give yourself some time to grow! Try putting the problem aside for now.

I hope these ideas will be of some help and inspiration to the host. I am Zeng Chen, a certified psychosynthesis coach.

Dear Poster,

I am grateful to have had the opportunity to connect with you here.

After carefully reading the questioner's narrative of the problem for help, I empathize with the questioner's personal experience of changes in their parents' emotional relationship/deterioration of intimacy/father's sexual infidelity. I can imagine that this is a challenging situation for the questioner as a parent and child. It has not only affected the questioner's parent-child relationship/intimacy/emotional thinking, but also, fortunately, the questioner's keen self-insight and awareness have given the questioner the idea of wanting to change, which has brought more possibilities for the questioner's future life. Here, I would also like to share some of my reflections and thoughts for the questioner's reference.

I would like to share some thoughts on the situation.

My parents were employed in different cities for approximately 20 years.

My parents were careful to avoid any public displays of conflict until I reached the age of 18. I had always assumed that they were very affectionate.

When she was 20, my mother relocated to my father's city to live with him. She began to express her desire for a divorce, citing my father's infidelity as the reason.

Three years later, my mother said she had spent three years letting go. During that time, I felt as though I had been privy to her inner journey, a passive observer, a person lacking agency who tried to make an effort but was unable to effect change, and a victim of emotions who was tasked with creating leaflets for the other woman and editing the divorce agreement between my parents (in the end, they didn't divorce).

I also came across the words of my mother's last wish, which seemed to be written in a way that was akin to a suicide note.

I found that I was able to cope with these unhappy emotions by focusing on my busy university life.

At 23, I was in my first year of graduate school, and I began to grasp the nuances of sexual infidelity and the implications of prostitution. I now see the context of my mother's previous discussions on these topics.

It was only then that I came to understand that my father may have engaged in sexual infidelity and had possibly been involved with other women on multiple occasions.

In my second year of graduate school, I'm still learning how to navigate my relationship with my father. I'm also trying to gain more confidence in my ability to connect with others and nurture romantic relationships.

It seems that there may be some confusion between love and sex, as well as a lack of understanding about sex in general.

Could you please explain why sexual infidelity is considered wrong? Is there a reason why sexual behavior after marriage can only be between a husband and wife?

Could you please clarify why prostitution is considered immoral?

From the questioner's description, a few key points emerge:

[1] It is possible that the parents' physical distance of 20 years due to work may have contributed to the emotional distance between them.

[2] It is possible that, before the questioner turned 18, in order to protect the questioner from harm and maintain the integrity of the family, the parents "deliberately" acted out the "loving couple" in front of the questioner.

[3] When the parents reunited, the mother learned of the father's infidelity. Or perhaps, as this was a private matter within the family, the questioner became the mother's confidant, and it was challenging to witness her emotional struggles? Despite the difficulties, the mother, who had initially sought a divorce, ultimately chose to forgive and move forward.

[4] It can be challenging for children to decide which side to take when their parents are dealing with emotional issues. This can lead them to prioritize their own studies. It's important to remember that the root of the problem lies in their parents' marriage. Both their father and mother are your relatives. The most effective way to address the issue is to let their parents work through their relationship on their own.

It is possible that your mother's infidelity may have had some impact on your intimate relationship, to a greater or lesser extent. However, as long as you can distinguish between the mission and obligation of each person to take responsibility for themselves, then everyone can become their own person after certain life experiences.

In light of the particular circumstances outlined by the questioner, it might be helpful to consider reflecting and responding in this manner:

First, it might be helpful to accept the situation that has occurred in the parents' marital relationship as it is, and recognize that they must face their problems themselves.

1. It is important to remember that the marital relationship between your parents is a private matter and has no direct bearing on your own life. They are the ones who must navigate this issue together, and it is ultimately up to them to decide whether or not to divorce.

2. Each of us came into this world through our parents, but we are independent individuals. Our relationships, including intimate relationships and parent-child relationships, are shaped by our individual consciousnesses, perceptions, thoughts, and behaviors. Everyone has the opportunity to take responsibility for their own lives, and the path they choose is theirs to follow.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to take responsibility for your own life, learn personal growth, improve your self-confidence and life skills, and strive to become the person you aspire to be.

1. We are all born with a clean slate. Before we have the opportunity to experience the different stages of growth that are necessary in life, we don't yet know how to manage our own lives, such as falling in love, getting married, and having children. These things can only be learned after we have had the chance to experience them. For example, parents must face and solve their own problems, while we face our own problems independently. In psychology, this is called "task separation," which means that everyone does their own "responsibilities," including everything.

2. I hope I can answer a few questions about the topic owner's request for help. I'll start with a brief introduction, and then I'll try to answer as best I can.

[1] I'm unsure of the best way to interact with my father. I'm also uncertain of the most effective approach to forming romantic relationships with others.

The questions you have asked could potentially be the subjects of independent chapters, as they are all questions that must be experienced in life. For example, our relationship with our father is often considered the first contact with the opposite sex when we come into the world. What are your feelings and impressions of your father? It is often said that "fatherly love is like a mountain," but what does it feel like in your heart?

Could you please describe the typical way you interact with your father? It would also be helpful for the questioner to take personal responsibility and come to the discussion with some doubts in order to make it more relevant.

[2] Some people may find it challenging to distinguish between love and sex, or to understand sex in general.

It could be said that "love" and "sex" are two sides of the same coin. While "sex" is a natural human instinct, "love" is a more expansive concept. In the love triangle theory, love, passion and commitment are seen as the three elements that make up a marriage.

You might find the following books helpful: "Intimacy," "Three Essays on Sexology," and "Sexual Psychology," among others.

[3] Could you please explain why sexual infidelity is considered wrong? Is there a reason why sexual activity after marriage should be restricted to the couple?

It is generally accepted that prostitution is immoral. In most cases, sexual intercourse within a marriage is considered to be exclusive, meaning that it should not be interfered with by third parties. This is not only a basic principle of love, but also a restriction imposed by moral laws and regulations. Otherwise, it is considered a violation.

You might find the following books interesting: "The Bottom Line of Intimacy."

3. The questioner may find it helpful to remember that the marriage between his parents is not necessarily a reflection of what his future life will be like. He can choose to embrace a different path and experience a life that is true to himself. For instance, the questioner is currently pursuing graduate studies, which is an admirable and commendable choice. He may also benefit from reading "Meeting Your Future Self" and "Love Yourself Back."

If you would like to explore this further, you might consider speaking with a counselor.

In summary, this is my understanding and response, and it is my sincere hope that it will be of some positive and helpful inspiration and assistance to the questioner.

I am a person of one heart, sunshine, the world, and I love you. I hope my words can bring you joy and inspiration.

First, identify the real conflict that affects you. Is it resentment towards your father vs. sympathy for your mother?

You must decide whether your desire to be true to your own life outweighs your loyalty to your mother. You must decide whether you want to restore the completeness of the past or accept the broken present. Only by identifying which thread is attached to yourself will you have a chance to see how to untie it.

It's important to understand the family sequence. The couple is the first relationship, and the children are only temporarily inhabiting it. You can't be a mother, and there's no way you can be her husband. You have to be yourself.

Children often end up paying for their parents' failed marriage with their innate love. In the end, they become a big part of the problem themselves.

It's a battle for the position of victim. Your mother may not be able to express a lot of aggression, and you've picked up on it perfectly.

You have taken the initiative to give up yourself and live out the suppressed anger of the mother because you love her. This anger will continue to reinforce the problem, as well as the mother's identity as a victim, making the poor marriage even more unclear.

Once you become a victim, everything is distorted but taken for granted with full confidence.

You don't have to blindly express your loyalty to your mother with your actions. Show her your attitude by understanding her pain, respecting her decision, and accompanying her through it if needed. Broaden your perspective and analyze the parents' marriage in terms of big data. You'll find it's a certain type of marriage.

Help her plan for the future, but don't get involved in her emotions. When she starts to vent, let her. Just wait and keep her company.

Your mother is miserable, but you are about to enter the social life you've been waiting for. It's time to start experiencing your own joys and sorrows. You are not an innocent victim. You will face the same hardships that everyone else does. You will encounter anger and resentment, but you will also encounter resilience and strength.

Young people in this era must learn to let themselves out of their psychological defenses and be happy. They must learn to love themselves.

You must always remember the rule of "not judging the whole based on a few." You also need to leave room for your own life by not judging the relationships between men and women in the world based on your parents' marriage.

You can be strong, courageous, happy, and with a clear heart. Look forward to a bright future! Encourage each other.