After several attempts, the communication remains ineffective; how to deal with overly strict and controlling parents?

Good day, host. I can see that you are experiencing distress due to your inability to effectively communicate with your parents. It is challenging to navigate communication with parents who have strict expectations. I empathize with your situation and offer my support.

It is undoubtedly challenging to interact with parents who are strict and difficult to communicate with. Being subject to parental control at the age of 21 is also a significant limitation.

I am unaware of the extent to which your parents have been strict with you since you were young. From the perspective of the original family, it is true that some parents are afraid that their children will become too independent, which they perceive as a form of abandonment and a threat to their sense of security.

I believe you can also understand their aging, your growing up, and their anger, as well as their fear of losing you, which is why they have resorted to controlling you in many ways.

From the perspective of a 21-year-old college student, this situation may be challenging to navigate. I will not address the expectations of understanding and obedience to parents, nor the notion of unconditional parental love.

If I might offer a suggestion, it would be to be patient with the process.

As a first step, you should attempt to communicate your true feelings to your parents. Explain that you understand they are worried about your ability to cope with certain situations and that they are disciplining you as a result. However, you should also make it clear that they cannot be with you and take care of you forever. You must learn to grow up and navigate your own life in order to improve and grow.

If communication is ineffective, it may be necessary to cultivate patience and wait until you are financially independent to communicate again. Some things require time to achieve. It is important to be patient.

I hope the original poster will soon enjoy greater freedom and growth.

Hello, question asker, I came across the text you typed and felt compelled to offer a little insight, in the hope that it might provide you with a different perspective on this matter.

From your words, I can see that you feel somewhat helpless. You mentioned that you can only go out to play 1-2 times a week, which may make you feel a bit sad. It's possible that you feel like your parents are treating you like a child under three years old, allowing you to do this and not that, and telling you that it's dangerous over there, not to go over there, and that you'll get your clothes dirty here. As a 21-year-old independent adult, you may feel frustrated that you are not being trusted and it is very humiliating.

If I understand correctly, you're unsure of how to proceed. Before answering your question, I'd like to take a moment to explore the matter further and understand the underlying issues. Once we've gained a better understanding, we can then consider the best course of action.

It might be helpful to consider some potential issues with parents.

1. If one of the parents has not had the opportunity to process the trauma of early separation, they may be afraid of separating from their child. The child's growth may be perceived as abandonment, which could result in the parent acting involuntarily to hinder the child's growth.

2. If parents have a tendency to be over-controlling at the personality level, they may unintentionally try to suppress their children's various abilities in order to avoid losing control of them. This could potentially lead the child to feel that nothing they do is right, which might be frustrating for them.

3. It may be the case that, at a fundamental level, parents want their children to experience the pain they felt in their own childhood. This could be because they believe that, through a series of behaviours, they can mould their children into people who understand them best. For example, the parents mentioned by the original poster may have been treated roughly and controlled since they were young, and they may treat you the same way.

4. It is possible that parents' distrust of their children may be a projection of their own distrust.

It is important to consider the above speculations in the context of your parents' real situation. I wrote the above to you to suggest that parents have their own issues and areas in which they need to grow. It is not my intention to make you uncomfortable or to imply that your parents do not love you.

It seems that your attempts to communicate and express yourself have caused your parents to feel displeased, which in turn has led to feelings of self-blame, guilt, self-doubt, and suffering on your part. It appears that in this process, you and your parents have become somewhat fused together. Here, perhaps, we need to consider where my boundaries as an adult lie.

Should I consider defending my territory, or might it be more beneficial to accept the other side's position?

You may wish to consider these suggestions in more depth.

I believe your feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, and frustration are genuine, and I think they have the potential to bring about wisdom and growth.

I'm sending you my best wishes.

Hello, question owner, It's like meeting someone in person when you read their words. I am Hezhu 0072. I can feel your inner pain and helplessness from your words. I'll describe my point of view, and I hope that my next answer will be enlightening to you.

You said you've talked to your parents a lot but it hasn't helped. They're strict with you and you want freedom but you're still restricted by them. If you think about it, you might still be seen as a child by your parents, someone who needs constant care.

It might help to think about why your parents are being so strict with you. You could also try writing down how you feel when they're being too strict, or talking about it with someone.

You also said that if you go to school away from home, you'll have more freedom because you don't have your parents' supervision, but this won't work at home. You said you're very nervous when you go out and that you're more influenced by your parents. You should understand that you're a mature person and can handle some unexpected situations on your own.

This can help reduce the psychological pressure you're under, allowing you to have more fun and feel more comfortable. You can also let the relevant people know that you appreciate their concern, but that you're an adult and can handle things on your own. If you don't have the ability to cope with difficulties, you'll need to figure out how to deal with them when they're not around, for example, studying away from home.

It's important to separate this issue from your parents. You can handle your own affairs and solve them yourself. You can also explain to your mother that she's trying to control your life too much.

Best regards!

I love you, and I think the world of you.