After suffering for a year and a half, classmates spoke ill of her behind her back, belittling her. Her personality became sensitive and inferior.

Hello, question asker!

I'm Ma Na, a psychological counselor, and I'm thrilled to share my thoughts with you! I hope they'll be helpful.

You went from an optimistic and generous junior high school student to a high school student with low self-esteem and sensitivity. You're not sure how to get along with the people around you, which makes you feel distressed. Let's do some retrospective analysis together to see where the problem lies and how you can turn it around!

In junior high school, you were a very popular person among your classmates. You were optimistic, confident, and generous. After entering high school, you seemed to be out of place. You thought, "This is a bad high school, and my classmates are also uneducated, untalented, and unaccomplished," but you still maintained your upbringing.

I'd love to discuss with you when you don't agree with the environment or your classmates from the bottom of your heart. What kind of attitude do you have towards them? Have you ever considered how others would feel if we tried to behave in a cultivated manner?

Your classmates are reacting in ways that show they're feeling some discomfort, too. They've started to gossip about you behind your back and laugh at you in public. It's clear that what they're doing is wrong, but it's also fascinating to see what they're gossiping and laughing about. Perhaps in their sarcasm, we can see what they care about.

It's totally normal to feel a little out of place and experience some conflicts when you enter a new environment. Did you have someone to support you at this time, and what approach did you take?

In the space of a year and a half, you deleted everyone and at the same time made yourself sensitive and inferior. Perhaps at the time we did not face the conflicts between us head-on, and one person took on too much negative emotion, which led to an inability to release emotions. But now, we can turn this around!

Perhaps we need to think about how the change evolved from initially feeling that the quality of classmates was not high and that they were not on the same level as oneself, to now feeling that one is very bad. When we start to review the situation, the solution is also implied.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the people around you now and your relationships with them.

Absolutely! We should definitely know that people can only hurt us if we let them. And we have the right to choose how we react to attacks!

Maybe you were young at the time and didn't have anyone to guide you, but now you have us! We're here to support you every step of the way. Together, we'll examine ourselves and others, and we'll tackle any challenges head-on.

And finally, you need to know what your ideal self is like! Once you know your destination, you can start working towards it.

Absolutely everything can be changed!

Based on the content of the text, it can be inferred that the questioner is currently enrolled in high school.

The text indicates that the questioner has experienced significant challenges over the past year or two. However, when viewed through a developmental lens, it becomes evident that the questioner is undergoing a process of growth and maturation in the face of adversity.

The original poster initially regarded the students at the substandard high school with disdain, and now they regard themselves with disdain. It appears that the phenomenon of "looking down on" is pervasive, but the object of disdain has shifted. This transformation is a challenging process.

Initially, despite attending the same high school, you perceived yourself as superior to your classmates. You held them in low regard, yet they held you in low regard in return. It appeared that the responsibility for the situation rested not with you, but with the school and your classmates.

At that time, this may have been the only way you could have thought to maintain some of your fragile self-esteem.

You demonstrate respect for your classmates, yet they do not reciprocate. It is possible that your "respect" is merely superficial, which may lead your respected classmates to feel that they are not being respected, but rather being "looked down upon" covertly.

The dynamic between you and your classmates, oscillating between respect and disrespect, appears to reinforce your perspective that you are virtuous and that the school and its students are inherently flawed. Nevertheless, it is important to recognize that even in the context of a suboptimal educational environment, there are still individuals who exemplify positive qualities.

For example, the questioner.

The questioner has progressed from perceiving only the shortcomings of his classmates to recognizing his own deficiencies. This indicates an increased capacity for objective analysis and a shift away from externalizing blame.

Nevertheless, there is still a deficiency in this process. It appears that he has undergone a radical shift in perspective. Previously, he perceived his classmates as flawed individuals, but now he is introspective, focusing on his own shortcomings. Despite this, he is aware that he possesses numerous positive attributes compared to his former self.

Nevertheless, this "extreme" represents a typical phase of adolescent development.

One can begin by engaging in activities that elicit feelings of disgust and then attempt to identify methods for reducing these feelings. Additionally, it is advisable to adjust one's standards of judgment regarding the act of being "judged" and to allow the "other self" sufficient time to learn and explore.

The overarching objective of adolescence is to ascertain one's identity, cultivate one's character, and actualize one's potential. This is a protracted process.

It is imperative that the questioner does not become unduly anxious.

It is my sincere hope that my response has been of some assistance. Best wishes,

Hello, I'm a heart coach.

I hug you with all my heart. You seem to have changed from an optimistic, confident, and generous child to a sensitive, inferior, and even self-hating person. This is because you were admitted to a bad high school, and your classmates are unfriendly and hostile towards you.

Let's look at what's bothering you.

?1. High school age, worried about what others think

Everyone is confused at some point in their lives. They grow up and care about their image.

A glance or gesture can make a difference. My homeroom teacher's comment was a turning point.

A boy I liked rejected my confession, which made me feel inferior. Looking back, I feel that my inexperienced self was lovely, and I innocently tasted all kinds of complex emotions.

People also have their own way of seeing themselves.

We are confident in ourselves, not because of our grades, looks, or family, but because we believe in ourselves.

You say that because you went to a bad high school, your classmates were mean to you and made you feel bullied.

I think these things are real, but have you made your classmates seem more important than they are? You're struggling with self-doubt and feeling out of place.

You build a wall around yourself when you feel bad about yourself. You stop talking to other people.

You build a wall around yourself to protect yourself from being hurt. But this wall also isolates you from others, making you feel lonely, insecure, and doubtful of yourself. You also feel like others are untrustworthy.

Low self-esteem is like a seed that grows within us.

Everyone has low self-esteem. It makes us strive to become better.

Low self-esteem is always there. If you fail an exam, it will come back.

Rebuild self-confidence. You used to be good, optimistic, confident, and generous. But this confidence was based on "being good at studying." That's not true confidence.

If you think "everything proves," you lack confidence in yourself.

They do things with all their might and build their confidence on success or failure. They think their life depends on external proof.

Another kind of confidence is confidence in oneself. This kind of confidence is true confidence.

Sometimes, we can learn from students with low grades who have a good attitude. They are not giving up, but accepting themselves. This shows self-confidence. Even if their grades are poor, they are still confident in themselves.

I hope this helps you. I love you.

Click "Find a Heart Coach" in the lower right corner to chat.

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach. I believe I can help you. It seems that you have been struggling for a year and a half due to your classmates talking behind your back and belittling you. This has led to your personality becoming sensitive and inferior.

In junior high school, you were optimistic, confident, and generous, and were popular with your classmates. However, after you entered high school, your classmates' behavior sometimes fell short of your expectations, and you found it challenging to connect with them. Despite these challenges, you consistently demonstrated your good manners. You believed that if you respected your classmates, they would respect you in return. However, your classmates sometimes took your goodwill for granted, engaged in bullying behavior, made disparaging remarks about you, spread rumors about you behind your back, and often laughed at you in public.

Subsequently, you deleted them all, which resulted in a shift in your personality. You now perceive yourself as more sensitive and inferior. This has led to feelings of inadequacy and self-reproach, and a tendency to view yourself as lacking in certain abilities. You used to engage in interactions with people you didn't particularly like, but now you find it challenging to even say something to please someone you dislike. This can be a source of discomfort. Despite recognizing your current self as being more developed than before, you still have moments where you question your self-worth.

I feel a bit disillusioned with myself, ever since you started to interact with those people I find challenging. You're not sure what to do, so I'll try to answer your questions.

1. The anti-golden rule in interpersonal relationships

There is a golden rule in interpersonal relationships: "Treat others as you would like them to treat you." I can see that although the questioner has arrived in an environment where the quality of the surrounding classmates is not high, he respects the goodwill of his classmates towards him and is trying to be popular with them and integrate into the group, which is in line with the golden rule.

It is also worth noting that there is an anti-golden rule in interpersonal relationships: "How I treat others, others must treat me." The questioner believes that respect will surely be returned, and kindness will surely be welcomed. However, when this is not the case, and your kindness is not returned, or you are even bullied, it can feel as though your efforts are not worthwhile. It is understandable that your desire to integrate into the group and be as popular with your classmates as you were in junior high school has not only not been fulfilled, but in the midst of a bad relationship, you have also become a self-doubting, self-negating person.

2. Projection and identification in interpersonal relationships

In her book, May You Have a Life Illuminated by Love, psychologist Wu Zhihong offers the following insight:

It is often the case that how a person treats you can reflect their inner world. This is what is known as projection.

It is also worth noting that how a person treats you is something you can teach them, and this is called identification.

In high school, you treated your classmates with courtesy in the hope of gaining friendship. It seems that, in addition to that, the questioner also interacts with people they dislike in a respectful manner.

For your high school classmates, if you behave in a cultivated manner, belittle yourself, laugh at yourself, and don't argue back, they may perceive you as someone who can be laughed at and belittled. By remaining cultivated and silently accepting others' hurtful attitudes towards you, they may agree that you are someone who can be bullied.

Perhaps if you had said no at the beginning, or expressed your thoughts and feelings in a more assertive manner, or withdrawn your kindness, stopped catering to the classmates who treated you badly, and found a different way to get along with them, so that they could see that although you respected them, it didn't mean you could be bullied at will, the outcome might have been different.

If you feel that you don't like someone, it's possible that there might be a reason, but you may be overlooking your feelings. In order to be liked by others, you might be suppressing your true wishes. When making friends in high school, you may have been respecting your feelings and listening to your inner voice, but perhaps not as much as you could have.

3. It is important to respect your own feelings.

The questioner expressed that they are unable to speak in order to please the person they dislike, as it would make them feel uneasy. It is understandable that one may not want to go against their feelings, and it is important to respect them. It is not necessary to please the person you dislike; it is possible to have the courage to be disliked.

I would also suggest that the questioner might find it helpful to read The Courage to Be Disliked.

Every decision involves a certain degree of risk and reward. It's important to carefully consider the pros and cons before making any choice.

The questioner now has negative feelings about themselves, struggles to accept themselves, and feels that they are bad and inferior. This is related to the fact that you were hurt by your classmates before, and you feel that you will be unrecognized for your efforts and will feel like a failure. The challenging way you got along with others for a year and a half in high school has left you with some emotional scars. The questioner can gradually work through these issues with the help of a counselor.

It would be beneficial to try to grow yourself, respect your own feelings, accept what you cannot get, and be true to yourself.

Should you wish to communicate further, you are invited to click below to find a coach to interpret the question, choose a heart exploration chat partner, and communicate with me one-on-one. I wish you the very best of luck.

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can feel the kindness you once had and the uncomfortable feeling in your heart now. I give you a warm hug!

And the great news is that when you become aware and start to talk about it, and come here to find a breakthrough in the problem, you are already on the path to change!

We see the problem, and there's a saying that seeing is healing. As long as we keep looking, we will definitely find a breakthrough!

From your description, I can tell that you used to be a very confident person who was willing to respect others. It's just that later, because your classmates said bad things about you behind your back, perhaps these pressures made you feel breathless, so there would be some feelings of submission. But don't worry! You can get through this.

You may feel that you are different from before, and there are some internal conflicts and contradictions that make you feel particularly uncomfortable. Is that right?

You're doing great in school! You've got a good head on your shoulders. You don't care about other people's opinions and you don't gossip about them behind their backs. You respect other people, and that's awesome! But when your classmates treat you like this, it's actually a form of school violence. Do you agree with what I'm saying?

When you feel that these negative emotions are affecting your life, first of all, I suggest that you communicate with your parents in a timely manner. They'll be happy to hear from you! From your description, it seems like some of the actions of others have caused you stress and even made you dislike yourself a little. Don't worry, this can affect your studies and life, but you can also affect it positively! You should communicate with your family in a timely manner, and your parents should use their strength to protect you.

And there's more! You can also seek help from a psychologist.

In life, we have no control over other people. But don't worry! When we are affected by others and cannot solve the problem ourselves, we can seek help from a professional counselor. Counselors will use their professional skills to provide support and companionship, so that we can become empowered!

Then, learn to stand up for yourself and protect yourself!

You can do it! You've already shown that you can tolerate and respect your classmates' choices. Now it's time to rebel, say no to them, confront them courageously, and become strong and protect yourself. When we are strong, others will become weak and will not dare to bully us anymore.

I know you've been trying your best, and I'm proud of you for that! You're doing great, and I know you'll find your breakthrough soon. It's so important to learn to protect ourselves, communicate actively with our parents, and go to a counselor to help us improve our inner strength. With the help of our parents and counselors, we will become strong and confident again. Don't give up! You've got this! We can protect ourselves and get better and better, and I know you'll get there.

Hello, question asker! You asked, "After suffering for a year and a half, classmates said bad things behind my back, belittling me, and my personality became sensitive and inferior."

If you feel helpless, hopeless, sad, upset, disappointed, or deeply hurt by your classmates' behavior, you are not alone. Let's give you a warm hug to comfort your wounded heart. Now let's take a look at your question together.

You said that in junior high school, you were a very popular person among your classmates. You were optimistic and confident, and you were generous. However, after you entered high school, you didn't like making friends with your classmates because they lacked good qualities, talent, or grades.

You thought that if you treated your classmates with respect, they would treat you with the same respect. You were wrong. Your classmates took your goodwill for granted, so they bullied you, belittled you, spread rumors about you behind your back, and often laughed at you in public for a year and a half. You deleted all of them, and your personality became very sensitive and inferior. You felt that you were bad everywhere, either not as good as the students in your class or just feeling very bad about yourself and being critical of everything about yourself.

We must ask ourselves what we should do when we treat others with courtesy, but they respond by taking advantage of us.

When we treat others with courtesy and they treat us like a soft target and bully us at will, we stay calm and ask our inner self what we want to do.

If the answer from within is to ignore the other person, as the saying goes, "It is better to fight with a worthy opponent than with a fool," then it is not worth wasting your time and energy on them. If the answer from within is that they can't behave like that, then I will treat them with respect and kindness, but they think I'm easy to bully. Well, I want to fight back and show them that I'm not someone to be trifled with.

If you choose to fight back, you need to think of a plan. Don't fight back against a group of people on your own. You'll be at a disadvantage and they'll suppress you more fiercely. Break them down one by one. Strike back in a way that doesn't harm the other party excessively and also protects yourself.

When we treat others with courtesy and they take advantage of us, we observe our own hearts and follow our thoughts. This allows us to be consistent in our words and actions. As a result, we experience fewer conflicts and contradictions in our hearts.

I used to hold my head high, but now I'm afraid to even look up when I walk. If someone says something deliberately to provoke you, think about it for a long time. Everything that happens around you can be associated with something unrelated, and you think you're good for nothing.

We must ask ourselves: what should we do when others provoke us with malicious words?

The renowned psychologist Alfred Adler postulated that a pivotal concept in interpersonal dynamics is "issue separation." This entails discerning whose issue it is and who is accountable for it.

If it's our problem, we own it. If it's someone else's problem, we hand it back to them and let them take responsibility.

If someone provokes you with ill-intentioned words, you have two options: ignore them or fight back. It's their mouth, not yours. What they say is their problem, not yours.

You must decide how you will react to verbal attacks from others. You can ignore it, or you can fight back. It is up to you, and has nothing to do with the other person. If you want to fight back, do so; if not, don't. You must bear the consequences of your own reactions.

When others provoke us with malicious words, we look at the matter using the principle of subject-object separation and follow our own heart as to what response to make.

In the past, you said things to people you didn't like because you didn't care. Now, you can't even say something to please someone you dislike. You know you're better than that person in every way, and you know you should feel good about yourself.

You feel sick. It all started when you started catering to people you hate. I don't know what to do.

You should stop hating yourself for saying something you didn't mean to someone you don't like.

You want to be true and open, and you hope you can be true to yourself. You set high standards for yourself.

You demand respect and kindness from others and expect the same in return. When they don't treat you with respect, they take advantage of you. You feel hurt and angry. You don't allow yourself to fight back in a positive way, so you delete their contact information and cut them off to protect yourself.

You may not approve of this self-protective behavior, judge it, and feel bad about yourself. But you can't do that. When faced with someone you don't like, you may not want to talk to them, but you still communicate with them in a respectful, friendly, and caring manner. When you encounter a similar situation of internal inconsistency as before, you dislike and loathe yourself.

From this, it is clear that you want to be a truthful and open person. You want to be true to yourself and act in accordance with your beliefs. However, when faced with the reality of the situation, it is not always easy to do.

Accept yourself. We accept our honest thoughts, our original state, that we have people we dislike inside us, and that we are different from others.

Accept yourself as you are, and others as they are. Accept that others and you will react and deal with the same thing differently.

In the example you gave above, you feel uncomfortable inside and resent the other person when you try to accept that someone was rude to you. You don't have to force yourself to treat him with courtesy because the other person has already made you feel uncomfortable.

Face the resentment in the heart of the person who hurt you. Accept that you have negative emotions towards the person who hurt you. Accept that you want to behave rudely. Accept yourself, accept others, and accept everything as it is.

I wish you well, and I know my answer will be helpful to you!

The world and I love you!