After the age of 20, how do you resolve frequent arguments with your best friend?

Hello! I can tell you value this friendship a lot and really hope it can keep growing! That's why you've been thinking about it and trying to figure out what to do!

I think there's more to it than just five years of friendship. There must also be the quality of your mutual attraction and willingness to remain friends!

First, I have a question. You said you were good friends for five years and that after you turned 20, there were more arguments. But in the last sentence, you said, "We haven't found a solution for many years." If this was the pattern from the beginning, with you speaking straightforwardly and him being more sensitive, it's easy for misunderstandings to arise and lead to arguments. Perhaps this is your communication pattern. If you don't argue, your friendship will change, and you won't feel like the same person!

I hope you understand. It's like some couples argue or even fight every day, but if they don't, they won't know how to communicate better and will feel like strangers.

If this is the case, you can have a chat and find a better way of communicating instead of fighting like this. The friendship is still there, but the way you interact has changed!

Another possibility is that after you turned 20, you often had arguments, which may have something to do with growing up. We all have different needs for friendship and express ourselves in different ways at different ages.

For instance, in junior high school, they might have become friends because they both liked the same celebrity or because they had similar interests. In high school, friendships become more solidified, and friends appreciate each other for certain qualities and are attracted to each other's personalities.

For instance, you're a generous person who's willing to take responsibility and act decisively. Maybe the other person was willing to become good friends with you because of this quality. This is why friendships that are established in high school generally last a lifetime.

The friendship has lasted for so many years, and I don't think your qualities have changed much. I think that in the past, you were also direct and straightforward in your speech, but your friend was still young at the time, and your social circle was small, so you relied more on this friendship. Therefore, even if your direct speech made him uncomfortable, he didn't express it very often.

But now that you're both adults, your perspectives have changed. Your friend should be in college or even graduated and working.

He needs to have his own attitude and his own voice. So when you directly say something and he is sensitive and thinks about it from another perspective, he no longer holds back and expresses his own point of view as well. It seems like you're having more arguments.

I think you're at the start of a great friendship. Adult friendships are about having an equal conversation where you can express different opinions while respecting each other. Mature friendships, like mature romantic relationships, are about two equal people being independent yet interdependent, respecting, trusting, and helping each other as equals.

As we get older, we experience different things, have different friends, and everyone is changing. If the thing that makes friendship special is gone, losing a friendship is also a necessary loss, a loss brought about by growing up!

This is very likely and normal!

Hello, question asker! I am Jia Ao, and I'm not looking for trouble.

I can see the problems and confusion you describe on the platform. You say that you have been arguing a lot with your best friend recently, whether you are walking and chatting or playing games together. You are straightforward, while your friend is more sensitive, so she tends to overthink things. Your different personalities make it easy to misunderstand and argue, and you want to find a suitable solution to resolve the long-standing problems between you.

I will answer your question. First, let me help you analyze and sort it out.

I want to know how to resolve frequent arguments with my best friend.

[Establish effective communication]

"No two leaves are alike." Two people who grew up in different environments will naturally have different personalities. You and your friend often argue because of your differences in personality, which shows that communication is still not good enough. You are probably straightforward and say things without thinking, which hurts the other person. Your friend is more delicate and sensitive, and tends to keep things to herself, which makes her think things up. I don't know what your usual pattern of getting along with each other is like, and whether you rarely calmly talk things over. Take this opportunity to have an honest chat, say everything you want to say, tell the other person your true desires, and try to understand the other person's thoughts.

You must understand the importance of the other person.

You came to the platform to seek help, which shows you still value this friend very much. If you didn't care, you wouldn't try to resolve the conflicts and misunderstandings between you. You have to do your best because you care.

In the future, if you have a fight, focus on the positive. Think about the good things about the other person and the importance of the other person. Don't dwell on how sad and aggrieved you are. Even when you are angry, don't say hurtful things. Restrain yourself. Don't make a big deal out of it. Anger is all about emotions. When the anger subsides, you will realize it was not worth getting angry and you may regret the way you treated your friend.

[Learn to put yourself in other people's shoes.]

When you argue, take a deep breath or distract yourself. Then, think about your friend and try to see the world from their perspective. Consider their emotions and feelings. Everyone has their own thoughts and feelings, and we should respect each other. When we understand each other, conflicts can be resolved.

Consider how fragile the other person's thoughts are, and how direct you are. Mistruths or harsh words can easily cause avoidable misunderstandings. Even minor issues can offend your friend. Take the time to understand your friend's perspective. This will help you avoid conflicts and arguments.

Stay calm.

When conflicts or arguments arise, it is crucial to remain calm. Anger only fuels the fire, making it impossible to calmly and reasonably talk. Impulsivity and willfulness are also more likely to arise in the heat of the moment. Calmly talking is essential for resolving conflicts, which can be challenging for straightforward individuals like you. To maintain your friendship, you must make some changes.

[Mutual understanding and tolerance]

When you're not fighting, you think only of the good things about each other. But after a fight, you can't see anything good about the other person. This will only make the fighting worse. You should be more tolerant and understanding of each other, think more about the good things friends usually do for you, and think more about the happy times you've spent together. Then you won't feel like complaining or blaming the other person. This will make you closer and more harmonious.

"Relationships must be maintained with care."

All solutions are inseparable from your sincerity. If you really care, you will think of countless ways to help you solve the problem at hand. If you are sincere and honest with each other, you will be willing to move closer to each other, tolerate each other, and learn to communicate effectively. I recommend a book on communication, "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg. If you are interested, read it. You will find the answer you are looking for!

I am confident that my answer will help you. The world and I love you ♥