Always feel as if someone is watching my every word and action, and making comments about them. What should I do?

If you care too much about what others say and think, there are probably two reasons for this.

1. You're great at what you do and have a lot of fans, so you feel like everyone's watching you. You're worried that if you mess up even a little bit, it'll be noticed and make you feel uncomfortable.

2. You have low self-esteem and feel like every move you make might make others laugh at you. You think everyone is looking at you and that no matter what you do, you'll always feel like this: "What if others see? Will they think this way about me?" But really, it's just your own inner self holding you back. Others don't really notice how you're doing.

If that's the case, I'd recommend building your confidence, facing yourself, and getting to know yourself again.

From what you've said, it seems like you fit the second type.

The questioner said they don't get along with the people around them and that they keep laughing at you. They're distressed by this, so why don't they just go and talk to them openly and find out why they're acting this way? It's possible they're not laughing at you at all, so the questioner doesn't need to be troubled.

In fact, everyone in this world is very busy, and no one will keep staring at you. Only your inner self will keep questioning your actions. I hope that no matter what situation you are in, you will first take some time for yourself to reflect and get to know yourself again.

It's not true that everyone is always watching you. Only your own heart is watching your actions. You are only making things difficult for yourself. Don't think too highly of yourself, but get to know yourself.

If they're really laughing at you and hurting you, don't let them get to you. Don't worry too much about what others think. Life is short. Do what you want to do. Listen more to what you want and what makes you happy, otherwise you'll end up exhausted.

Wishing you the best!

Good day, To whom it may concern,

It appears that your constant anxiety stems from an excessive concern about how others perceive you.

I am unaware of your age. Are you a male colleague?

Please clarify whether this is a female friend.

Could you kindly clarify how long this situation has been ongoing?

From your description, I believe you to be a person with relatively strong awareness and inner alertness. You are acutely aware of the excessive anxiety triggered by your current preoccupation with other people's opinions.

To summarize, the classic psychoanalytic explanation posits that:

When an individual places a high level of importance on the opinions of others and becomes overly sensitive and suspicious,

The individual is constantly apprehensive that those around them are hostile due to the dominance of the superego (Freud divided the personality into id, ego and superego, and the superego is a personality trait controlled by social rules and morality). Consequently, the ego is weak and takes excessive measures to maintain contact with the world due to the constant concern of being punished.

An hour becomes sensitive and suspicious, worried about vulnerability, and over-alert to the people and world around them. This is generally related to the family environment in early years. There may have been a demanding parent who was overly critical or punitive for an extended period. The child's superego was internalized, causing them to be less straightforward in dealing with people around them when they grew up.

I am unaware of your upbringing, but if you wish to extricate yourself from a challenging situation, you may wish to consider seeking the assistance of a professional. Do you concur?

I respectfully suggest that you reconsider.

My name is Counselor Yao, and I am here to support you at Yixinli.

Greetings,

From your inquiries, it is evident that you tend to engage in a considerable amount of mental processing regarding the perceptions of others during social interactions, which often gives rise to feelings of tension and apprehension in their presence. This may be associated with a tendency towards excessive self-focus.

The term "self-focus" is used to describe the behavior of consciously directing one's attention towards one's own external appearance or internal activities.

You stated, "Especially when I'm concentrating on my own things, they laugh at me." It would be beneficial to ascertain whether this form of ridicule from others is a direct experience or merely a conjecture.

An excessive focus on one's own actions can result in negative feedback from others. It is possible that the individual in question has made some unfavorable assumptions prior to the situation, as previously described. These may include concerns such as whether paying close attention is perceived as strange, or whether the other individuals are walking faster and making louder noises because they dislike the individual.

It is possible that these negative preconceptions are the cause of your fear when you over-focus on yourself. When influenced by fear and a sense of oppression, your actions become stiff and unnatural, which in turn exacerbates your concerns about what others think of you. Is this a correct assumption?

It is therefore important to recognise that excessive self-focus can impede relaxation and discourage social interaction. By making adjustments to reduce self-focus, it is possible to facilitate participation in social activities with greater ease and confidence.

The following suggestions are offered for consideration:

1. The recommended book, "Stress-Free Socializing," introduces methods for reducing self-focus as a means of addressing social anxiety. The author of the book posits that self-focus is a primary contributor to social anxiety, and that excessive self-focus can lead to feelings of social disadvantage.

2. It is imperative to cease making negative assumptions and to differentiate between imagination and reality. To illustrate, when an individual walks faster than oneself, one's imagination may conjure the notion that the other person holds negative sentiments towards oneself and is attempting to overtake. However, the reality may be that the other person is accustomed to walking at that pace or has a pressing matter to attend to.

Upon recognizing that reality is not as unfavorable as previously assumed, it becomes challenging to succumb to the apprehension associated with negative preconceptions.

3. Prior to engaging in social interaction, it is beneficial to engage in positive self-suggestion, such as affirmations of one's own worthiness and value. It is also helpful to avoid dwelling on perceived social disadvantages and to instead focus on the present discussion topic.

I wish you the best of success.

Hello, landlord. I'm confident my answer will be helpful to you.

The fact is, a lack of self-confidence is the root of the problem. When a person lacks inner strength and feels inferior, they care a lot about other people's opinions, suppress their own emotions, and try to satisfy the needs of others. Over time, suppressed emotions can erupt.

We must adjust ourselves in the following ways:

1. Know the effect of the "spotlight effect" on yourself.

The "spotlight effect" is a technical term in psychology that refers to the tendency to unintentionally magnify one's problems. Let's say you confidently go to a party, dressed neatly and looking refreshed. The breeze has messed up your hair, but you're not worried about it.

Just as you are about to push the door open, a mirror in the doorway horrifies you. You know you have a messy, unkempt appearance, and your hair is a complete mess. All eyes are on you, and all the whispers are about your "unlucky appearance."

You are nervous, but you know this is not the case. This is what psychology calls the spotlight effect.

The spotlight shines brighter in our consciousness than in reality. In the context of people, it means that we overestimate the significance of our behavior, appearance, and emotions in the eyes of others.

You are nervous when talking to other people because of the "spotlight effect." You think other people pay special attention to your every move, and when you talk to other people, you seem to feel a spotlight on your head. This is nonsense. You are not important. Other people do not pay that much attention to you. Relax and be yourself.

The reality is that you are not that important, and other people do not pay that much attention to you. Relax and be yourself.

Know this: the more you can be true to yourself, the more relaxed and comfortable you will be. People who like you will like, accept, and support you no matter what you are like. People who don't like you may still reject and not support you no matter how you behave. You can't win everyone's approval, but you can be the person you like. And the closer you are to your true self, the more you will like yourself.

2. Correctly treat other people's comments and engage in selective socializing.

We must learn to deal with other people's comments.

We are all different, and each of us has our own set of evaluation criteria.

When others meet our evaluation standards, we like, recognize, and support them. When they don't, we dislike, deny, and doubt them.

It's simple. When we meet the other person's evaluation criteria, they approve of us. When we don't meet their criteria, they disapprove of us.

Therefore, you will find that whether the other person recognizes you or not has little to do with your relationship. What matters is whether you match his evaluation criteria. You cannot control the thoughts and actions of others. You cannot always meet other people's evaluation criteria, nor can you meet everyone's evaluation criteria.

Life is not easy for anyone. Everyone has different wants and different positions. There is no need to practice oneself according to other people's standards, nor to force others according to one's own standards. There is also no need to crave others' understanding and approval in everything.

We don't have to sacrifice ourselves to gain the affirmation of others or trade relationships for it. Being liked or disliked is not that important because no matter what you are like, there will always be people who like you and people who dislike you. What's important is whether you can accept this self that is both liked and disliked.

You don't live to satisfy other people's expectations. Don't seek other people's approval and don't care what they think. Don't hope too much to be recognized by others. Don't live your life according to other people's expectations. Don't lose your true self. This will bring you trouble because it is not the life you really want.

Take back control and evaluate yourself. Treat yourself as you would anyone else and be comprehensive, objective, and truthful in your assessment. This will help you understand yourself better and know what you want. Other people's opinions will matter less.

Stop caring what others think and live your true self. This will improve your relationships. You will no longer be haunted by those "bad relationships" you have traded for by pleasing others and suppressing your own needs.

Engage in selective socializing.

Everyone has a social need. Socializing gives us a sense of belonging and security, but we must be selective about who we socialize with. Avoid people who constantly criticize and discourage you; they will only cause trouble. Instead, socialize with people who always encourage and support you, so you can experience care and support in your social interactions.

When you feel social pressure, adjust the frequency of socializing until it suits you. Don't force yourself. Take care of your own feelings.

3. We must be true to ourselves and take care of our own needs.

If you are always thinking about other people's feelings and how to meet their needs, and you neglect or suppress your own needs, your heart will naturally be blocked. You need to learn to express your feelings and needs and be true to yourself.

You will find harmony and ease within yourself when you are true to yourself. I know this is difficult for you, but you can do it. You just need to be determined to adjust yourself and express yourself. You will get closer and closer to the person you want to be.

Expressing your true self will make your energy stronger.

4. Release your emotions when you need to.

It is essential to release and channel our emotions promptly to prevent them from building up and causing instability. We can achieve this by following these methods:

1. Socialize with the right friends and talk about your worries and confusions. The right friends are those who can give you support and encouragement, and those with whom you feel comfortable.

You don't need a lot of friends. Just one or two is enough. It's simple: find the right people to confide in, spend time with people who make you feel comfortable, chat, eat, gather together, talk about your worries, feel their support and love, and find a sense of belonging in social interactions.

2. Go exercise. Do those sports you like. You can relax your body and mind while exercising, and at the same time, keep your physical fitness improving. Feel the strength of your body and the joy of your mood during exercise, and help yourself restore a good physical and mental state through exercise.

3. Use writing therapy to express all your inner feelings and thoughts on paper. Don't worry about whether your handwriting is clear and neat, or about the logic of the content. Just go ahead and express yourself.

4. Punch pillows and sandbags to release your anger by hitting soft objects.

5. Use the empty chair technique to release emotions. If you can't find the right person to talk to, use the empty chair technique. Imagine the person you want to talk to (someone who can give you support, encouragement, and comfort) is sitting in the chair, and talk to them as much as you like. Learn from their attitude to give yourself support, comfort, and encouragement. Imagine the person you want to abuse is sitting in the chair, and express yourself (anger, abuse are fine) to the chair as much as you like.

Go for a walk in nature. Feel your connection with nature and know that you are just a part of it. You are ordinary, yet extraordinary. You are small, yet unique. When you are in nature, you will feel relaxed and have different feelings and experiences.

7. Draw mandalas. Mandala painting will calm your mood. For example, "The Secret Garden" is a good choice.

8. Meditate regularly. Meditation calms our mood. Connecting with our deeper selves allows us to know ourselves better. With long-term practice, we will reap the rewards of inner peace and joy.

5. Build up your self-confidence and a sense of security.

Confidence comes from strength and hard work. When we become someone we approve of through our own efforts, we become more and more confident and feel more and more secure.

Set yourself appropriate goals and work towards achieving them one step at a time. Achieving your goals will improve your abilities, accumulate your knowledge, and make your experience richer. You will feel more secure, have a greater sense of control over your life, and become more confident.

The most effective goals are those of moderate difficulty, the kind you can reach by standing on your tiptoes. If the goal is too small, you will find it unchallenging and lose motivation. If it is too big, you will find the resistance too great and lack confidence. Moderate-intensity goals are the optimal choice for stimulating our motivation. When we work hard to achieve these goals, we will feel a sense of achievement and self-confidence.

Set a goal of 4,500-5,000 steps per day if you're currently walking 4,000 steps per day. Don't set a goal that's too low or too high.

Set goals that suit you according to your abilities and persevere. Action is the only way to overcome difficulties and truly experience your own value.

You can do this! Believe in yourself and your abilities. You really can do this.

You've got this!

Hello, question asker!

I can see that you're feeling a bit overwhelmed. It's totally normal to feel like everyone is watching you and that you're being judged. I want you to know that I'm here for you and I'm ready to give you a big, warm hug!

You say that everyone is judging and laughing at you. I don't know how you can prove this, but I'm excited to find out! Seeing your question makes me think of a psychological term – the spotlight effect.

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like the center of attention? It's an amazing feeling, isn't it? Well, there's a phenomenon called the spotlight effect that explains why we feel this way. It's a natural tendency for humans to see themselves as the center of everything and to intuitively overestimate the attention others pay to us.

Guess what? The focus effect is actually an experience that everyone will have! This state of mind makes us pay excessive attention to ourselves and care too much about the degree of attention we receive from the people around us at parties or work gatherings.

This is something that everyone has, but you attach more importance to it. Perhaps combined with an introverted personality and relatively low self-confidence, the fear of making mistakes is even more pronounced, making this situation more obvious.

Ready to change your state of mind? First, ask yourself, "What do I fear most? What aspect of myself do I fear revealing?"

Now, find the part of yourself that you feel most inferior about. Then, accept it, recognize it, and admit: it may not be perfect, but it is a characteristic that makes up the person I am!

Starting from this step is an amazing process! It may seem simple, but when you can fully accept yourself, nothing will be an obstacle to you anymore.

I really think these things can help you!