Am I a weekend couple with my wife? Are the negative impacts significant?

Hello! I can totally see why you're worried.

You and your wife work in different cities, but it's not too far away. Your wife goes home every week and takes the bus back early Monday morning.

It's totally understandable to be worried that spending all your time together on weekends might have a negative impact on your relationship. It's natural to wonder if you can continue to spend so much time together in the long term, and what you should do to maintain it. What can you focus on in your daily lives to make sure you're both happy?

It's totally understandable that as a husband, you're worried your wife will feel neglected and left out if she's not around. It's only natural to want to protect this relationship, and it's clear you love your wife very much.

The best way to get along is the way that makes both of you feel comfortable.

It really doesn't matter whether you're a weekend couple or not. What matters is how you both feel about this way of spending time together.

If you only get to see each other on the weekends, it might seem like you don't have much time together. But even though it's short, you can still make the most of it! You'll be happy and excited, and you'll be able to enjoy each other's company. Plus, you'll still feel close even when you're apart.

Then for you, this is a very suitable way of getting along. As long as you feel comfortable with it, you don't have to worry about whether you are a weekend couple or not.

Usually, you can care for each other more through video and voice.

Even though you can't see each other every day, you can still stay in touch through voice and video calls, thanks to today's amazing communication technology!

Another great way to strengthen your emotional bond is to do something together in a video or watch a show.

☺️ Surprise your partner from time to time!

If you miss each other especially, you can even occasionally run to the other person's city without notifying them!

Bring your partner a little something special, whip up a delicious dinner, and add a dash of romance to your relationship. I truly believe this will make your bond even sweeter and more exciting!

Wishing you all the best!

Hello,

From your description, it's clear that your relationship with your wife isn't facing any immediate practical challenges. However, it seems you're somewhat concerned about the future.

Your wife works outside the home while you stay close to home to work. Your salaries are similar, so there's no way to compromise. One of you quits their job and finds employment in the same city, or the wife stays at home as a housewife and the husband is responsible for the family's income. You both need the sense of identity brought about by this job. You need to confirm that you have a place of your own in society. Your need to establish a relationship with the other person has surpassed this need.

I intend to maintain a stable social identity. There is nothing wrong with this, but if a couple wants their relationship to last, they need to have common goals. This could be raising and educating children together or a common career and ideals. They need to find their respective positions in the family, feel a sense of identity with what the other person is doing, and acknowledge the other person's value from the bottom of their hearts. Only in this way can the two people be deeply bound together and move in the same direction.

Given the reduced frequency of your interactions, it is inevitable that you will encounter numerous practical challenges in your marital life and emotional communication. In the absence of a tangible physical or emotional bond between you, it is difficult to envisage how you can work together towards a common goal.

From your description, it's clear that you haven't yet connected with your wife emotionally. To build an intimate relationship with her, you need to take the time to understand your own feelings and needs.

Best regards,

Zhu Rong Psychological Counseling - Counselor Liu Mi

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm a modest and consistent person.

From what you've shared, I can see that you're feeling a bit anxious. It seems like external factors might be contributing to this feeling.

It is important for people to find value in their work and happiness in their lives.

It might be best not to rush to label your relationship with your wife, and perhaps it's not necessary to rigidly apply these conditions or whatever. If it is really necessary due to work, being apart during working hours could be an acceptable compromise.

As you are both teachers, the content of your usual discussions is still within a field and orbit. Furthermore, you have the opportunity to make constant adjustments to your work through your own efforts. These are all positive performances, so there is no need to be too anxious.

It is beneficial for any couple to maintain a sense of romantic ritual, even if they are not together regularly. If you are not usually together, you can consider ways to show your wife more care, create more romance, and call more often. This could be a way to bring back the spark in your relationship, similar to how young lovers interact.

It would be beneficial to communicate regularly and frequently.

It is important to remember that, regardless of the nature of the relationship, communication between the two parties involved is essential for maintaining stability and harmony. In a husband-and-wife relationship, for instance, there is no such thing as an exact time frame for communication. It is simply a matter of determining the value placed on communication by both parties.

It would be beneficial to show your wife more care and create more surprises. Women are generally adept at maintaining relationships, but they do have specific preferences.

As a man, it would be beneficial to be aware of this. Even if you feel you are not particularly adept at it, as long as you try, your wife will appreciate your efforts and it will have a positive effect.

If it is feasible for you, you might consider visiting your wife at her school. You may also wish to arrange some meaningful activities together on weekends and during the summer and winter vacations. It is often the case that human relationships are formed through spending time together.

I wish you the best.

Hello!

Understand your inner doubts and confusion. I will discuss the problems of getting along with your spouse with you.

Intimacy is the easiest relationship in the world. There are no fixed rules or templates. Live together or not—it's up to you. The only thing that matters is that you're comfortable and happy.

If you and your wife live in different places and only get together on weekends and during summer and winter vacations, it doesn't automatically mean your relationship is doomed. Many couples who spend every day together are unable to communicate, have become strangers, or have even broken up and turned against each other. Weekend couples, on the other hand, are more able to maintain a certain distance from each other, so they don't get tired of each other aesthetically or bored. This can be beneficial for intimate relationships. But the key is still how the two of you get along.

A good marital relationship depends on:

1. Mutual respect, understanding, and care are essential.

You must consider the other person's perspective, respect their feelings, understand their needs, and be willing to meet those needs.

2. Master the skills of communication.

Let's be clear: a large part of the reason why many couples argue is because they cannot communicate. When they encounter disagreements, they communicate in a simple and rude manner, without putting themselves in the other person's shoes. They do not know how to express their feelings and needs, and they are very emotional. This often causes a high wall of indifference to be erected between the two parties, and it is difficult for couples who cannot communicate to integrate emotionally.

3. Focus on substance, not form.

If this long-distance model makes you feel insecure, you need to take a good look at yourself to see if there is something wrong. The way you think about it is about the content, not the form.

Talk to your wife about how you feel and ask her what she thinks. Communication between you is the most important thing, not what other people think or say.

If you're doing well, that voice in your head saying "This won't work! Couples 'shouldn't' be in different places" is just your childhood conditioning talking.

This voice is the concept you have accepted since childhood. It's likely the source of the problem, not the relationship itself. If not, you must identify other issues.

From your description above, it's clear you don't have any problems. The issue likely lies in your perception of the situation, which you need to adjust.

Ask your wife how she feels about the time you spend together. Find out if she likes it.

If she's also feeling a bit uncomfortable, you need to make some adjustments. Switch jobs or move to the city where she lives to find a new one. If you're both happy with the current situation, then there's no problem. Just maintain it.

The most important thing is the essence of the relationship, not these forms.

I am confident that Hongyu's reply will be helpful to you. Thank you for asking!

Hello, question asker. It's nice to meet you. Let's explore this together.

My wife works in a different city, but it's not too far away.

② They see each other every weekend and during the summer and winter holidays.

I'm not sure how to maintain a relationship in this kind of living arrangement.

From what I can see in the text, there don't seem to be any unhappy moments in your relationship.

I'm not sure how long you've been married.

Have you thought about working in each other's cities? It seems like you could take care of each other, and it would be easier to take care of the kids if you have any. I once met a teacher in a similar situation, where they took care of their parents in their cities.

However, when their child was in junior high school, the woman transferred to a school with him and they lived together. When facing life, we all weigh the pros and cons and consider the big picture.

Distance can be a good thing. If you're happy with this arrangement, if you can maintain your relationship, if you can look forward to seeing each other, and if you can work hard in your respective places, that's a great setup.

Many people have to leave their hometowns, their partners, and their children behind because of work, and only see each other once a year. These are sacrifices made for the happiness of each other. The truth is, true love doesn't weaken with distance; it actually gets stronger.

The questioner presents a feeling of mutual respect in words. I'm not sure why the questioner is so fixated on "weekend couples," so let's analyze it together.

The truth is, you still spend a lot of time together, and there are still long holidays.

On the downside, a weekend couple can have a negative impact.

When you're in different places, people tend to be suspicious.

Communication also tends to decrease, which can lead to feelings of suspicion.

It can also be tricky when it comes to child-rearing and education.

4. It can be tough to resolve conflicts.

On the plus side, the weekend couple has:

Give the other person freedom.

This also helps to reduce the conflicts that can arise from everyday trivial matters.

As long as there's mutual trust, the husband and wife will be on the same page. They'll tackle the problem together and find a solution together, rather than pitting each other against each other.

I hope this helps.

A short separation is pleasant, and a short separation is better than a new marriage. You can learn this. You actually have quite a lot of time together, given that you are both teachers and have summer and winter vacations, as well as various holidays and weekends.

You have plenty of time together, even though you're in different cities. They're just 20 minutes apart by high-speed train, which is very fast. It's like taking the subway to your little nest.

Your life is regular, and your wife will come back every Friday, giving you two more opportunities to spend time together and communicate. Don't label yourselves as a "weekend couple," "winter vacation couple," "summer vacation couple," or "weekday couple." Every family is different.

If you can only meet during the holidays, that's fine. The key is that you both have to continue striving for the same life goals. If you do that, your life will be sustainable. Most marriages end in disaster.

You don't see each other when you're not looking, and you can get tired of seeing each other every day. You can also take a lot of things for granted. A proper separation is also like being newlyweds. It's very easy to make each other develop more love. Pay attention to the time you spend together.

Make sure you communicate well and spend time together. Don't answer work calls or WeChat during the holidays. Be fully engaged in the time you spend together and be aware of your inner thoughts. You need to realise that marriage is a shared endeavour and that you need to maintain it together. Good luck!

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