Am I always worried about what people say behind my back, living in anxiety and self-doubt?

There are two possibilities, and they're both fascinating!

The first possibility is that you are projecting your own repressed emotions onto other people.

Guess what! Everyone is aggressive!

Your mind may be full of desires to attack others, full of thoughts of gossiping about others, cursing others, bullying others, and hurting others. But you are not afraid of being counterattacked by others! You are free to project these thoughts in your mind onto other people, thinking that others will treat you with such an attitude.

This could very well be the truth of your mind!

So, take a good look at your heart and see if you have such thoughts!

Embrace the truth of life and let go of your delusions! In normal life, treat other people as your life partners and collaborators to reduce inner conflicts, worries, and pain.

The second possibility is that you may have a bit of a persecution complex, which is totally normal!

Let's dive into the fascinating topic of delusions! One particularly intriguing delusion is the delusion of persecution. This psychiatric term is characterized by the patient's unfounded belief that they or their relatives are being persecuted.

The patient's mind is often filled with complete experiences of persecution and the people and events involved, such as being followed and spied on, being framed in a conspiracy, etc. This is a fascinating phenomenon!

We've got some great suggestions to help you alleviate those pesky persecution delusions!

Seek professional help! This is the most important thing you can do. Professional counselors have the experience and expertise to provide effective treatments for your situation, such as cognitive behavioral therapy and medication.

It's time to build a relationship of trust! Share your feelings with family, friends, or someone you trust. Let them know about the difficult situation you are going through. They'll be there for you every step of the way, offering support and understanding that will have a positive effect on your recovery.

It's time to learn some relaxation techniques! These can help you calm down quickly when you feel nervous and anxious.

It's time to develop healthy habits! A regular routine, a balanced diet, and moderate exercise can help alleviate symptoms.

Distract yourself! Try to focus your attention on other positive things, such as hobbies, work, or studies. This can help you escape from the persecution delusion for a while.

It's time to acknowledge your feelings! Accept your feelings and don't blame yourself for having these thoughts. Understanding and accepting your emotions is the first step in dealing with them.

It's time to start questioning your thoughts! Try to question thoughts that may lead to persecution delusions and look for evidence to confirm or refute them. This can help you to better understand your thoughts and thus adjust your mindset.

Good morning, my name is Yang Yiqing, and I am a listening coach.

Firstly, I would like to reassure you that your feelings are entirely justified. Experiencing insecurity in relationships and worrying about your words being misused is a very common anxiety.

This anxiety may in part stem from a lack of trust or uncertainty about your value and position in social relationships. However, it is important to recognize that while these feelings are real, they do not always reflect reality.

From another perspective, it appears that in a relationship, you consistently find yourself in opposition to the other person, facing attacks and isolation. Could this be related to your experiences in your formative years?

Gaining insight into the underlying causes and traumatic experiences will facilitate self-acceptance and present moment awareness, enabling you to let go of these obsessions.

Firstly, you have indicated that disagreements with colleagues at university cause you anxiety, which is a common occurrence in interpersonal relationships. The intricacies of human interactions can occasionally result in miscommunications and disagreements.

However, it is important to note that these conflicts will not necessarily persist indefinitely or impact other relationships. Instead, it is crucial to view these experiences as opportunities for personal growth and to learn from them in order to better navigate future relationships.

With regard to concerns at work, this emotion may stem from a lack of adaptability to the work environment or self-doubt about professional performance. It would be beneficial to actively establish good communication with your colleagues and understand their thoughts and feelings. This will not only help you integrate better into the team, but also reduce your unnecessary worries.

Additionally, maintaining open communication with your manager and providing timely feedback on your work progress and any issues you encounter can foster a more positive working relationship. However, it is essential to muster the courage to address these emotions.

It is crucial to embrace self-acceptance and self-compassion when confronting these anxieties. Strive to be more forgiving with yourself and recognize that everyone experiences moments of imperfection, which is a universal human experience.

It is beneficial to engage in appropriate self-reflection during this process. However, it is also important to avoid being overly critical of oneself.

Additionally, the following books may prove beneficial:

1. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. This book provides readers with techniques to live in the present moment and reduce the negative effects of excessive thinking.

2. Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. This book outlines how self-compassion can enhance self-worth and mitigate self-criticism.

3. The Solution to Social Anxiety by Aziz Gazipura. This book is dedicated to social anxiety and provides practical strategies and techniques to help readers feel more confident and relaxed in social situations.

Please be advised that reading these books and trying self-help is a good first step. However, if you find that your anxiety is seriously affecting your daily life, we recommend seeking professional psychological counseling. A counselor can provide you with personalized guidance and support to help you better understand and deal with these emotions.

I am Yang Yiqing, a counselor. Life presents many challenges, but each step is worth celebrating. I am here to support you on your journey.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or require further assistance.

Dear Questioner, After reviewing your account, I empathize with the challenges you're facing. The persistent concern, unease, and self-restraint undoubtedly contribute to significant stress and exhaustion.

Your concerns about interpersonal relationships and your tendency to be overly influenced by the opinions of others are common psychological challenges that many individuals face at some point in their lives. In your case, these issues are particularly pronounced.

From a psychological standpoint, the situation you have outlined is indicative of two key psychological phenomena: social anxiety and excessive self-consciousness.

Those with social anxiety may exhibit excessive sensitivity and worry about the opinions of others and possible negative feedback. Additionally, excessive self-consciousness may result in constant reflection and evaluation of words and actions, driven by concerns about potential mistakes or misunderstandings.

If this situation is too serious, it may affect an individual's social life, work performance, and overall quality of life.

A colleague of mine once had a similar experience. At work, he was overly concerned with the opinions of others, which had a detrimental impact on his work efficiency and personal emotions.

With the assistance of a counselor, he came to understand that his concerns frequently originated from a profound sense of insecurity and doubt about his self-worth. Through cognitive behavioral therapy, he developed the ability to identify and challenge irrational concerns, leading to a more positive and resilient self-image, where he was better able to discern the impact of external remarks.

From a certain perspective, your concerns may be indicative of an "imagined audience effect," which is the mistaken belief that you are always the focus of others' attention. However, in reality, most people are too busy with their own tasks to dwell on other people's inconsequential matters.

Moreover, even if someone occasionally talks about you, it does not mean that their opinions are necessarily correct or comprehensive, let alone defining your value.

We recommend that you consider seeking professional psychological counseling to adjust these thoughts and behavior patterns that trouble you through talk therapy. Concurrently, you may wish to try relaxation training, mindfulness meditation, and other methods to improve self-awareness, learn to accept your own imperfections, and reduce your reliance on the expectations and evaluations of others.

It is important to remember that we cannot control the words and actions of others. However, we can control our own reactions to them. By building up a sense of inner security and self-confidence, we can free ourselves from this anxiety and internal conflict, and enjoy a freer life.

I hope you will be able to resolve this issue soon and enjoy a happy, relaxed life.

Hello, I'm Jane! I'm so happy to have met you!

From your description, I totally get how you feel!

After a breakup, you always feel like the other person is going to do something bad to you. You feel like you're a thorn in someone else's side, but that just means you're alive and kicking!

Now, let's dive into the fascinating topic of victim thinking! This feeling and way of thinking is reminiscent of the spotlight effect, a phenomenon in psychology that explores how people tend to overestimate the attention they receive from others.

From your description, it's clear that you're always thinking about whether you've done anything wrong or given others any reason to gossip. This is a sure sign of excessive self-concern, which we can work on together!

Let's dive in and explore what excessive self-focus is!

Over-concern for self is manifested in excessive self-criticism, extreme sensitivity to mistakes, anxiety about conflicts in relationships, and being overly cautious in life.

As a result, we project our inner self-criticism onto others, worrying that others will attack us for our minor flaws. But there's a way to break this cycle! By recognizing that we can't control how others perceive us, we can free ourselves to focus on making the most of our own lives.

The great news is that we can objectively deconstruct excessive self-concern.

We feel that the other person will do something bad to us, but we know that this is actually a projection of our own inner feelings. And guess what? The real reason is that we feel we have done something bad.

So, what seems to be a relationship between two people is actually a relationship between me and myself. And that means we have the power to change it!

The great news is that we can actually solve this ourselves! All we need to do is learn to be kinder to ourselves.

So, let's dive in and explore the fascinating world of cognitive biases in excessive self-focus!

Let's dive into the fascinating topic of power relations!

You're worried about other people's comments because you've put yourself in a position to be judged. But here's the good news: you can take back control! In the power relationship between you and the other person, you have the power to decide who gets to judge you.

Inequality in relationships is bound to cause suffering for the underdog, so in dealing with excessive self-focus, you need to realize that putting yourself in a position to be evaluated is unfair to yourself. But here's the good news! You can adjust this perception by realizing that other people's evaluations do not represent how you are. And if you don't take other people's evaluations too seriously, it means you are not giving the other person the right to evaluate you. So, go ahead and be your authentic self!

Self-centered

Being self-centered means that you feel like you're always being judged by others, so you're always thinking about being perfect at all times, not making mistakes, etc. This is actually a manifestation of the brain's overactive imagination!

The great news is that no one in the real world pays that much attention to you! Everyone lives in their own world and is dealing with their own things.

This is also mentioned above: what you really need to deal with is your relationship with yourself. Then who is the person who grades you? It's you yourself!

So, in dealing with this, you need to be aware of how you rate yourself and take measures to change your perfectionism and prejudice against making mistakes! It's an exciting journey and you can do it!

There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of when you make a mistake. It's all part of the journey! The truth is, the only way to avoid making mistakes is to do nothing. So, let's focus on our actions, not the mistakes. Of course, when we make mistakes, our hearts may feel a little uncomfortable, but it doesn't matter. We just keep going! We review the situation, continue to move forward, and grow. The process of growth itself is a spiral process. Don't make not making mistakes an end in itself. The goal is to keep going!

So, what amazing actions can we take in our daily lives?

Topic separation is a wonderful thing! It means we can be sure that we are sincere in our dealings with others and have not done anything to harm them. That is enough. As for what others say and do, it is their own business. This is what we often call topic separation!

Mindfulness: We know that changing our thoughts and ideas is not an easy task. But it's worth it! Mindfulness means treating our thoughts without judgment, and in awareness, slowly dispelling our imagination to reap the rewards of a real life!

It's time to focus on action, not emotions! We can do this by focusing on our actions and doing what is good for us. We don't need to hide behind our fears. Instead, we can become aware of changes in our emotions and watch as our fears slowly go away, and our confidence slowly returns!

I really hope my answer is helpful to you!

You can do it! Stay strong and keep going!

I am honored to answer your question and hope that my responses will prove beneficial.

"The courage to be disliked; everyone is a unique individual."

There is a popular adage that states, "I don't want you to think, I want to feel."

It is unclear whether the questioner believes there is any truth to this assertion. What kind of person are we? Do we have to rely on the opinions of others?

What would be the most unfavorable outcome if classmates and colleagues were to make such remarks?

Isolation within a small group, dismissal, criticism, and disapproval are potential outcomes.

Which of these is likely to occur and cause concern for the questioner? (It should be noted that some of these scenarios are unlikely to occur.)

What measures can be taken to avert the occurrence of the feared outcome?

In the event that such a situation arises, what recourse is available to address it?

Once a certain degree of clarity is achieved, it becomes possible to muster the courage to be disliked and to accept responsibility for one's actions and decisions.

[It is advisable to focus on what one can control and to let go of what one cannot.]

The following elements are within our control: our own thoughts, our own needs, our own decisions, our own actions, our own boundaries, our own friends, and the process of hard work.

The following factors are beyond our control: the choices of others, the opinions of others, the emotions of others, the outcomes of our efforts, age, and appearance, among other variables.

It is advisable to concentrate on the aspects of one's life that are within one's control and to strive to perform to the best of one's abilities. With regard to the factors that are beyond one's control, it is recommended to adopt a more passive approach and to accept them as they are.

[A healthy relationship is characterized by horizontal and equal dynamics.]

From a long-term perspective, a healthy relationship is not characterized by excessive effort or the need to please, nor is it servile or arrogant. It is consistent in being oneself and able to be true to oneself in the relationship.

It is important to allow for the possibility of misunderstandings and the inability to be understood. One must be honest with oneself, maintain motivation to act in a morally upright manner, and respect oneself, others, and the situation at hand.

"I express my remorse and request your pardon."

"I express my gratitude and affection."

To express and communicate in a sincere manner.

It seems reasonable to posit that the outcome of the development will be beneficial in the long term. However, if this is not the case, it would appear that the situation is not yet terminal.

Once the initiative is taken, the narrative unfolds.

[Take care of yourself]

I recall a quotation from a literary work that posits that, in the event of distress, it is not advisable to seek counsel from an expert or peruse a tome of literature; rather, it is recommended to simply repose.

Voltaire posited that God has bestowed upon humanity hope and sleep as a means of compensating for the myriad troubles that beset us in this world.

It is recommended that you rest, wake up, and focus on the aspects of life that you enjoy. It is estimated that out of ten people, eight do not like us, while two do. It would be beneficial to ascertain who the questioner would be willing to spend time with.

Life is replete with disappointments. However, if one considers these occurrences only once or twice, rather than dwelling on them incessantly, one will be better equipped to cope with adversity. It is imperative to recognize that everyone deserves to have the life they desire. Therefore, it is essential to have confidence in oneself.

This is the extent of my contribution. The optimal solution is within your own capabilities. I wish you the best of luck. The world and I extend our best wishes to you.

Good morning. I hope you don't mind me bringing up this topic for discussion.

Perhaps we could begin by discussing relationships.

Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology, once proposed the concept that all human worries may potentially stem from interpersonal relationships. Because people are always afraid of being disliked by others and of being hurt in interpersonal relationships, they may be prone to develop an inferiority complex.

It is worth noting that the inferiority complex that many people experience is not necessarily an "objective fact," but rather a "subjective interpretation." It is possible that the lack of communication with classmates and the tense relationships with colleagues may be influenced by the way we imagine potential interactions, such as "my classmates will discuss my past" and "my colleagues will speak ill of me in front of the manager."

It could be said that difficulties in interpersonal relationships have the potential to facilitate a deeper exploration of our hearts and the revelation of our authentic selves.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what happened when my university classmate and I broke up. What was the scene like? What were my thoughts? And what feelings and emotions did it bring me?

Perhaps we could also consider what it is in our hearts that makes us worry about what our classmates will say about our past. And what is it in our hearts that makes us worry about what our colleagues will say about us?

Perhaps we could also consider what it is in our hearts that makes us think we say and do the wrong things. And what is it in our hearts that makes us feel anxious and nervous?

We might also consider recalling our childhood. When you raised an idea or a demand, did your parents respond in a positive and encouraging manner? Or were they serious and rejecting?

It is worth noting that children who frequently receive negative responses may experience a lack of self-confidence and a state of unease and anxiety. This could potentially impact their social integration and interpersonal relationships as they grow older.

It might be helpful to try to evaluate ourselves in an objective way, to record our strengths and weaknesses, to praise our strengths, and to accept our shortcomings.

We might consider challenging ourselves first with people we know well or are close to, such as our parents or siblings. It could be beneficial to try to embrace them and express our love and warmth. At the same time, we could start eye contact with a relaxed and concise self-introduction, so that we can improve our self-confidence through action. Sometimes creating a breakthrough can break a cycle.

It might also be helpful to remind ourselves that we have grown up. As the psychoanalyst Adler suggested, past life experiences may not be as relevant to us as we think. What matters more is how we perceive and interpret them.

If I may, I would like to move on to the topic of acceptance.

Everyone has their own imperfections and aspects of themselves that they may not want to confront, which could be seen as a kind of "dark side." It's understandable that people around us may not always be ready or willing to accept these aspects of ourselves, and it can be challenging to face them on our own. We may feel the need to present a certain image to others, but deep down, we're tired of living a life that's not fully authentic to ourselves.

As the questioner said, I often find myself worrying about what others might be saying behind my back. I frequently wonder if I have done anything wrong today, if I have said the wrong thing, or if I have given people a reason to hold a grudge. These conflicting thoughts can sometimes increase my anxiety.

It might be helpful to try to reconcile with our emotions. When negative emotions such as tension and anxiety arise, we could consider saying "stop" in time, taking a deep breath, and quietly watching them without making any judgments. It might be beneficial to allow emotions to come and go freely like clouds, and drift away slowly like fallen leaves in the water. We could also try to record what our feelings are at the moment.

You are writing to yourself alone, so please feel free to write about your feelings honestly. This may help us to understand the origins and effects of our emotions and to clarify the root causes of our problems.

When we accept ourselves, we may find that we are able to unload our heavy burdens, release our tight inner hearts, not demand too much of others, and not be too hard on ourselves. We may gain an objective and comprehensive understanding of ourselves, and find that we are not swayed by external voices and evaluations. We may even be able to face problems and difficulties with equanimity.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to try to love yourself.

It could be said that almost all suffering in life stems from the clash between our inner thoughts and external reality. Perhaps the best place to start is by caring for yourself, taking care of your body and your feelings.

If you feel you need help, you can seek it from a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor, as it can be helpful to talk through your emotions to relieve the heaviness and blockages in our hearts.

It would be beneficial to keep an open mind and heart, and to continue learning, reading, and engaging in social activities. It is also important to recognize and value your unique qualities and relationships. When you feel confident in yourself, you will be more comfortable showing your true self to others.

You might find it helpful to read "The Courage to Be Disliked."

Hello. I agree with your description of the current situation. You feel anxious and drained, and you know rationally that your reaction is not a reasonable solution, but you can't help but do it.

You suspect that your classmates or colleagues are talking behind your back, and you worry or even fear that they will damage the way others perceive you when you are unable to set the record straight. This affects your emotional stability and normal social interactions. You cannot control these doubts and fears, and you cannot connect with your classmates and colleagues openly and naturally.

Second, adults' opinions and attitudes toward others are often influenced by many factors and are not always stable or unchanging. They are not always good or bad. Sometimes he likes you because he sees the qualities he wants in you, or you have shared happy memories, or you helped him when he needed it, or because you are like a friend he knows. Sometimes he treats you badly, maybe because he has been bothered by something recently, or he has no time to pay attention to you, or you have not met his work requirements.

Adults don't behave like children. They don't distance themselves from you or label you because someone said something bad about you.

I want to know what happened between you and this friend. Why did he make you doubt whether you could communicate if there were conflicts between you? It's normal to doubt this, but it's not true. You can communicate with anyone. I also want to know how you would get along with your classmates and colleagues if you believed that they all had their own judgment of friends and were willing to get to know you.

You can stabilize your emotions. You can find a way to socialize and create your circle of friends. Even if you encounter friends in life who talk behind people's backs, you will be able to handle it.

Thank you for your question. Text-based communication can be challenging to understand and respond to, and it's also difficult to address your concerns step by step. If you still have any questions, please contact us.

Hello, dear question asker!

Hi, I'm Kelly Shui.

I've always been worried that people are talking behind my back. It's caused me a lot of anxiety and internal conflict.

After reading your post, I can tell you're a very self-disciplined person. I don't think you often worry about the right and wrong of other people, so I suspect this incident has been on your mind.

It's great that you're so strict with your own demands and discipline! I can imagine that after you and your friend broke up in college, this matter has always worried you. She will tell others what you have said. On the other hand, I'm sure you've learned something from this incident!

Let's take a deep breath and think about this objectively. Over the years, you've been worried, but has anything actually happened?

Also, this experience will definitely teach you some great ways to communicate with people!

The main thing is that you used to be very close, and things like this happen a lot among girls, including other relationships, whether they're classmates or colleagues. You can learn to share your feelings directly with the person involved, and I'm sure you'll find it's a really positive experience!

I truly believe that even if there are such things, they are actually normal. We are all just ordinary people, and we use these things to reflect on ourselves.

Oh, why do I care so much about others?

What are we afraid of? It's great to be strict with yourself, but is there an absolute "right"?

As a normal person, it's only natural that you'll chat about these folks and things, whether it's good or bad. And you've got the capacity to reflect on it all.

If you do mention it, and the other person talks to you about it, you can apologize honestly. True friends understand each other, and they're always there for you. If the other person is sitting with someone else and talking, they'll probably discuss other people's business.

It's also a great way to get to know someone better! We all have different personalities and habits, and sometimes we just don't click. But that's okay! Even if we don't stay in touch, we can still learn a lot about each other by sharing a little bit of ourselves.

So, you might want to think again.

[Explore yourself]

From all this, it's clear you care a lot about others, including your friendships and relationships with classmates.

It looks like you haven't kept in touch with your college classmates, and you haven't participated in any college-related activities either.

It's totally normal for friendships at university to fizzle out after graduation. Everyone goes their separate ways to work and live, and it's only natural that friendships change as a result.

Sometimes, the things we're afraid of are also the places where we need to grow. Could it be that these problems are some of the beliefs we've had since we were young?

At home, do you see your folks being serious with each other, or do they like to chat about their relationships with you?

It's so true that our parents are often our teachers, and we learn so much from them without even realizing it!

There are no absolute "good guys" in this world, and it's totally normal for people to gossip about you.

Let's learn to talk about ourselves, shall we?

For example, I often say that I'm not someone who hides their emotions.

I'm a sensitive soul, and I'm always upfront about what I don't like.

I'm a person who dares to say no. I don't force myself to do things I don't like, and I'm okay with that!

The great thing is, we can learn about interpersonal relationships too!

It's so important to explore yourself, change yourself, and focus on your feelings and life.

[Be your own best friend]

We've noticed that worrying about colleagues saying bad things about you in front of the manager is something a lot of people experience, whether they're in college or just starting out in the working world.

We all get nervous when we go to work, don't we? It might be because we care about others too much and worry about what others think.

We can try to be a little less sensitive, care for ourselves a bit more, be a little more understanding of ourselves, and try to understand how difficult it is to be ourselves.

You know what else we can do? We can try meditation exercises every night before bed.

We can also say something positive to ourselves every day! We can change our thinking:

Hey there! I just wanted to check in and see if you've done anything right today.

We're going to write down all the great things we did and all the things we did right today!

Be kind to yourself! Pay more attention to your strengths, write self-evaluations, and affirm yourself.

We can tell ourselves every day that we are wonderful. Just think what will happen if we do this for 30 days!

We can also say to ourselves every day that we are silly. If others don't like themselves, can they perceive a difference?

You can also join in with lots of other people in different groups on Yixinli. It's a great way to meet new people and see things from a different perspective.

If you've been feeling confused for a long time, it's okay to seek professional help.

The world and I love you so much!

I'd highly recommend reading "The Theory of Personal Formation," "The Courage to Be Disliked," and "Growing in Relationships."

Since I ended my friendship with a classmate in college, I've been concerned that she might share what I told her with others. When I see her with other people, I feel like they're discussing my personal matters. That's why I've chosen not to stay in touch with my college classmates and have not participated in any college-related activities.

In the process of socializing, we will have the opportunity to form and then, at times, to end friendships. At different stages of our lives, we will have different close friends and different ways of getting along with them. It is natural to feel concerned and fearful.

It is worth noting that maintaining a friendly relationship provides a sense of security and trust, which in turn encourages the sharing of feelings, thoughts, and even little secrets. Conversely, when the relationship is less friendly, there is a tendency to worry about whether these secrets will be revealed.

In ordinary circumstances, it might be helpful to consider the opposite scenario. If we were in the same position, would we continue to help others keep secrets, or would we feel that, since we are no longer friends, we would go public with other people's secrets?

In most cases, this is not something we do.

First, it's important to remember that we all have our own focus and that we may not always be able to remember the lives and experiences of others as clearly as we'd like. What is a big secret to us may just be something that has been heard and quickly forgotten by others, and they may not feel inclined to involve themselves in telling this secret.

It is also possible that even if the two people break up, they may not feel comfortable discussing the matter.

It is likely that we have a range of friends, that is, people with similar views on life as our own will become friends with us from the start. If we are not someone who will reveal secrets or retaliate, then it is probable that the friends we make will also be this type of person.

It is generally advisable to avoid exhausting ourselves with worry about the possibility of this kind of thing happening. It may be helpful to take a deep breath and relax when we feel anxious.

Now that I'm working, I'm always concerned that my colleagues might share some concerns with my manager, so I tend to feel a bit nervous at work. Before going to bed at night, I also reflect on whether I could have done anything better today, whether I said anything that might have been misinterpreted, and whether I've given anyone any reason to hold a grudge against me. It's already affecting my normal life, so I'm wondering what I can do to improve this situation.

In our work, we do have concerns about the possibility of having colleagues who may not have the best intentions, who may blame us for mistakes or wrongdoing, or who may be inclined to report our actions to leaders. Such situations could potentially impact our image and standing with our leaders.

It would be beneficial to understand that when a person who enjoys tattling appears before a leader, the leader is not only aware of the content of the tattling, but also of the kind of person who is doing the tattling.

It could be said that when someone speaks ill of another person, they are conveying two pieces of information. One of these messages is

It may be the case that he believes the content of the negative report from the other party and thinks that a certain colleague or subordinate is not particularly effective.

Secondly, he may come to understand that the person who speaks ill of others may have ulterior motives, and that there may be something inherently wrong with gossiping behind someone's back.

So, on the whole, a wise leader will understand that

It would be fair to say that one is not completely convinced by the words of someone who is not a good person.

Secondly, they may consider the relationship between some of their employees who do not get along well, and may reflect on the social skills of these two individuals.

Third, they will consider whether these two people will affect his work. As long as they do not affect it, they will not be unduly concerned.

It is likely that the boss and leader will always focus on work ability and whether or not they can complete the task at hand.

It is important to remember that our primary responsibility at work is to complete tasks. Even if someone speaks ill of us with bad motives or ideas, we are still very good at our work and have completed the task very well. It is possible that the leader may not take idle gossip seriously or feel that it is a very serious matter.

Secondly, in our usual interactions with colleagues, we have the opportunity to observe and understand more. Under reasonable circumstances, we can appropriately express our feelings and thoughts. It is within our capabilities to maintain a relatively good social relationship.

Ultimately, in this situation, we may find ourselves dwelling on the past and becoming consumed by negative thoughts.

It may be helpful to consider that the situation in which a colleague would tell their own leader about their shortcomings is not something that really happened, but something we imagined. This could be an opportunity to focus more on internal emotional and cognitive regulation to understand and sort out the objective factual situation.

In conclusion, we believe that our internal state has a significant impact on our social and daily work lives. We respectfully suggest that seeking professional psychological counseling may be beneficial. This could help us to establish long-term and stable psychological counseling, adjust our cognitive state and thinking mode, find a solution that suits us, and allow us to face the social problems encountered in daily life in a more stable state.

Hello! I'm Bai Li Yina, and I'm excited to respond to your question. I hope my answer will bring you some warmth and help.

The questioner has been worried that after breaking up with a friend, she will repeat what you said to others, and for this reason, she has cut off all contact with people and activities related to the university. After starting work, she is still worried that colleagues will slander you behind your back. This kind of negative emotion of repeated speculation has affected your life. How can you turn this around?

[Situation analysis]

It's only natural to worry when we care about something. You've poured your heart and soul into building a great reputation, and you're worried that others might not appreciate it. I'm sure your superiors can see your best side! It's totally normal to have these thoughts, but it's time to let go of the worry and anxiety that are affecting your work and sleep. I see an amazing, capable girl who is ready to take on the world! Let's find a solution together and make your worries disappear.

[Questions for further thought]

1. Are you worried about one colleague or all of them doing something against you?

2. When did this worrying start? Did it start when you joined the company?

Or have you only recently started worrying? I'd love to know what the cause is!

3. If the manager hears these words, what do you think is the best possible outcome?

4. I'd love to hear more about your experience in your current role. Are you putting in a lot of effort to achieve results, or are you just happy to get through the day?

I'm excited to share some recommended methods you can try!

1. First, you need to find out what the result is that you are afraid of. If you are in the ascendant at work, and the slander behind it will make your hard work come to nothing, then what frightens you is the result after the slander. If you don't have the effort or expectation to rise, and you just hope that the manager doesn't dislike you, we can also think of other ways to reduce this risk. And we can do it together!

2. Fear is a driving force that motivates you to take action! Instead of letting fear hold you back, use it to make some changes. For example, you can improve your performance at work, get along better with your colleagues, and understand your manager's character better.

3. Every change can help you avoid a bad outcome, boost your popularity at work, find someone to talk to, and increase your sense of security. Currently, you feel isolated and helpless, but you can change that!

4. Confronting the fear of the unknown is something we all need to do! Your worries are just things that haven't happened yet. You're focusing on what bad things might happen tomorrow. But if you change your thinking, you can focus on all the good things that happened today! It could have been a nice day, you had a great makeup day, you ate something you love, and your work went really well. By turning your attention to the good things in the present, you can stop worrying about the future.

We all face different fears, and we all experience various anxieties and fears of the unknown. But ultimately, all we can do is live in the present, and that's a great thing! What can you do today to make yourself happier? Start making changes from small things you can do, and slowly you will find that you will no longer be unable to extricate yourself from pain, because you are trying to make yourself happy and your focus has changed.

I really hope these methods help you!

You've got this! Change takes time and patience, but you can do it! Don't worry or be afraid. Many people are experiencing or have experienced similar problems, but you're stronger than you think.

The world and I are with you, and we're here to support you every step of the way! I wish you an early solution to the fog in your heart and a path to finding your own most comfortable state.

A big thank you to everyone who has liked and responded to me! I wish you all peace and joy!

Topic Master, things are looking up! Be grateful for the opportunity.

From your description, I can tell you're feeling anxious and afraid. I'm here for you!

Let's discuss this further.

1. Keep an eye on your thoughts.

In your description, you said, "Ever since I broke up with a friend in college, I've been worried that she'll tell others what I told her." You initially had this worry because you hoped that even if you broke up with the other person, they would still respect you and keep some of your secrets and privacy to themselves.

We can't control what other people do, but we can decide whether we want to be like that.

By writing down your concerns and worries, you can start to distinguish between what you think and what's actually going on. Tell yourself, "I can have these thoughts, but they're not real and rarely become reality."

You've already told that classmate what you can and can't say. I'm sure you can now also tell the difference, and in the future, you'll think twice before you speak.

If you can resist speaking ill of others behind their backs, you can do the same yourself. That way, you won't have to worry about others speaking ill of you.

2. Be aware of your own nervousness and anxiety.

You might think, "I'm always worried that she'll tell others what I told her," or "I'm always afraid that my colleagues will say bad things about me to my manager." Take a moment to recognize your own nervousness and anxiety, your fears and worries.

Does it really matter if they talk behind your back? Are you really a bad person because of it?

Everyone has their own take on you, and the people who talk behind your back are just being inappropriate. In the end, they'll only give themselves a bad impression, and it won't have much of an impact on you. You're only responsible for being yourself, consistent inside and out. No matter what others say about you, it's their business and has nothing to do with you.

Ultimately, you can't control what other people say. You can only decide how you want to be.

3. Face your anxiety head-on.

When you feel anxious or scared, and you notice your inner feelings of insecurity and lack of confidence, it's important to face these feelings head on. Take a moment to feel where in your body these feelings are, and what they feel like. Try to imagine what shape, color, and texture your anxiety and fear have. When you face and delve into these emotions, you'll probably notice that your inner self begins to stabilize, and you'll feel less uncomfortable and restless.

Even if everyone else says you're wrong, you know who you are, what you're doing, and what you should do. You have a solid sense of self, and your opinion of yourself is neutral, so it won't be affected by what others say or do.

You are who you are, and what you say and do is your own business, not what other people say about you.

Take a deep breath, relax, and focus on your body's sensations instead of letting your mind run away with thoughts.

One way to do this is to write down your emotions. This can help you see that there is no equal sign between thoughts and reality. It can also help you relax, return to your inner self, and focus on the real physical sensations.

If you're still struggling with these emotions, you might want to speak with a platform listener or professional counselor. They could help you understand the real reason behind your actions and support you in healing.

I hope this helps, and I wish you the best!

Good day, I am writing in anxiety/do-i-feel-afraid-of-others-concern-is-this-a-trauma-response-3747.html" target="_blank">response to your query.

After reading the description, you became fearful of your former college roommate following a disagreement, concerned that they might share your statements with others. Similarly, you were also anxious about your current colleagues informing your manager of your statements, which made you feel uneasy and distressed. These two incidents demonstrate a lack of confidence in your ability to interact with others without fear of being harmed.

It would be beneficial to consider the circumstances that led to the emergence of these thoughts.

If an individual does not have a genetic disease, genetic mutation, or head injury, the development of a paranoid delusion is likely to be due to acquired factors. To illustrate, if an individual had a conflict with a classmate in college, did the conflict make the individual suspicious, or did the individual always feel inferior and suppressed when in the presence of the classmate, which led to the individual's current insecurity?

That is one aspect to consider.

Second, individuals possess unique personalities and behavioral patterns, which shape their interpersonal relationships. The conflicts experienced with college classmates are unlikely to manifest in professional settings. It is important to recognize that colleagues may evoke similar feelings and thoughts, even if they are not directly comparable.

The recommendation is as follows:

First, challenge your own assumptions. For instance, if you believe that your current colleagues will speak negatively of you, it is essential to understand the rationale behind this perception.

Please provide a rationale for this assumption.

Create a list of these beliefs and challenge them on an individual basis.

Secondly, it is advisable to reduce your focus on yourself. Your apprehension about others causing you harm may be linked to your tendency to over-identify with yourself. You may feel that everyone is connected to you, but they have their own responsibilities and agendas. By shifting your attention away from yourself and onto others, you can gain a more balanced perspective.

Therefore, your assumptions are simply your own imagination.

Third, differentiate between your own overreaction and the actual situation. If your former college roommate has caused you harm, it has already occurred. Therefore, all those years of speculation were merely your imagination.

Furthermore, your colleagues may also be a source of concern due to the potential transfer of negative experiences from your classmates to your colleagues. It is advisable to reflect on this matter.

Should you require further assistance, professional guidance is available.

I hope this information is useful to you. Best regards,

Good day, question asker. My name is Rose, and I am available to listen and provide support.

It is evident that the process of reaching this point was fraught with challenges. It is reasonable to assume that the individual in question experienced significant distress as a result of living with anxiety/how-to-cope-with-self-doubt-when-one-cannot-accept-it-and-it-seems-unchangeable-10531.html" target="_blank">self-doubt and doubting the opinions of others.

Let us discuss this matter further.

1. There is a concern that others will make unfavorable comments about the subject.

This friend you parted with was someone you once valued and confided in. It is possible that you divulged your most intimate thoughts to her, which led you to fear that she would relay unfavorable information about you to others.

Subsequently, you proceeded to your place of employment, yet you remained preoccupied with the prospect of being the subject of negative discourse behind your back. Consequently, you experienced elevated levels of anxiety, which ultimately led to a state of chaos in your life.

Did you experience anxiety as a teenager due to concerns about how others perceived you, or did you focus on the opinions of others, even when they were not explicitly expressed, and feel that they were discussing you behind your back?

As a result of your anxiety, you are experiencing distress and are unable to function in a typical manner. This has also led to difficulties in your social interactions.

2. Acceptance of one's own shortcomings

The individual in question is reluctant to have their flaws observed or even heard by others, which in turn gives rise to concerns about the potential for criticism or negative commentary.

It is often the case that individuals strive to present an idealized version of themselves to others. However, this is an unrealistic expectation. A preoccupation with perfectionism can lead to an excessive focus on one's shortcomings.

It is a fundamental tenet of human psychology that every individual is imperfect. Even if an individual possesses outstanding qualities, there are also aspects that others may find disagreeable. Consequently, it is imperative to confront one's shortcomings by accepting them and embracing one's imperfections.

Once one is able to accept one's own shortcomings, the anxiety caused by worrying about others seeing one's shortcomings can be alleviated.

It is therefore important to accept one's shortcomings and to allow oneself to possess negative characteristics. Furthermore, it is beneficial to recognise one's positive attributes and to view oneself with appreciation.

3. It is recommended that you attempt to socialize with others.

If apprehension regarding the potential for others to discuss one's shortcomings is a concern, it may be beneficial to consider increasing social interaction, directly observing the perceptions of others, and employing objective reflection to address any underlying cognitive biases. This approach may reveal that the actual perception of oneself is more favorable than initially assumed.

Anxiety is often the result of a cognitive distortion, rather than the situation itself.

In psychology, the ABC emotional processing method posits that A denotes the situation that occurred, B signifies one's perception and understanding of the situation, and C represents the emotions experienced.

It is possible to alleviate anxiety by modifying one's cognitive processes regarding analogous occurrences. From a positive perspective, even if others engage in discourse about one's actions, it is not a personal attack, as one is simply being true to oneself and not causing harm to others.

4. Modify your lifestyle.

It is recommended that one engage in activities that are personally enjoyable, direct more attention to one's own pursuits, and limit the time and frequency of interaction with those activities.

It is recommended that, before retiring for the night, one should endeavour to record in a gratitude journal those moments which evoke a sense of happiness. When one is experiencing feelings of anxiety, it is advised that one should peruse the aforementioned journal, as this may prove an effective method of alleviating distress.

When one's life is more fulfilling, one's experiences will be different.

It is important to remember that one is in control of the outcome of one's life. It is beneficial to allow oneself time to focus on and alleviate anxiety, and to have trust in the eventual attainment of happiness.

5. It is imperative to permit oneself to embody virtue and to accept the inevitability of missteps.

The process of accepting one's true self and embracing one's imperfections can facilitate a greater sense of comfort and self-love.

Mistakes are not indicative of moral turpitude. Indeed, it is through mistakes that individuals can learn and improve their abilities.

The question of what it means to be a person is not answerable by reference to any external standard. The nature of a person is not contingent on the opinions of others; it is a matter of personal identity.

The decision ultimately rests with the individual in question. No external entity is entitled to determine this matter; only the individual can make this decision for themselves.

The following represents my personal perspective on the subject matter, and it is my hope that it will prove to be of some assistance to you.

I am grateful to have had the opportunity to interact with you, and I extend my appreciation to the world for allowing me to meet you.

"Good morning, I'm Phil. I'm truly sorry to hear that you've had such an unfortunate experience.

I'm truly sorry to hear that you've had such an unfortunate experience.

From what you have said, it seems that

Since breaking up with a friend in college, I have always been concerned that she might share what you told her with others. I often feel like when other people sit with her and talk, they are discussing my personal matters.

I must admit that I have never kept in touch with my university classmates, nor have I participated in any university-related activities. The same goes for after I started working.

I often find myself worrying that my colleagues might say something unkind about me to my manager, which can make me feel quite nervous at work. Before going to bed at night, I also tend to wonder if I might have done something wrong today, if I might have said the wrong thing, or if I might have given anyone a reason to hold a grudge against me.

I wonder if I might ask what one should do in this situation.

It is worth noting that breaking up with a friend can be a challenging experience, particularly if the friend in question is someone with whom one has had a long-standing and positive relationship. It is understandable that it may take time to adjust to this new reality and find a sense of comfort and stability.

It is also important to consider that some people may act differently when they are in a relationship and when it is over. They may become overly excited and do things they wouldn't normally do, or they may confide in others about personal matters. This can happen with people they are close to or even strangers.

It is often said that what is meant as a compliment can be taken as an insult. Regardless of the intention of the person saying or doing these things, they can cause distress and negative feelings. This can be challenging to navigate, especially when there is a need to maintain a sense of balance.

In response to this situation, you might consider trying the following changes or strategies:

I'm not sure.

1️⃣ It may be helpful to distinguish between the emotion and the matter at hand.

We often say that some things are over and some things can't be retrieved, so it might be helpful to consider letting go. However, this can sometimes feel like a dismissive or even frivolous response, as though the person is being told to simply forget about the issue. Have you ever had this experience?

It is important to remember that we have the right to let go of things, as well as the right to hold on to them. However, it is also crucial to avoid becoming trapped in the emotions and influences caused by the matter. It is essential to free oneself from the shackles of these emotions.

It is possible to hold on to the process of how something happened or even the result it caused. However, it is important to ensure that this does not result in a tendency to dwell on the situation, which could potentially lead to a new bout of anxiety. Instead, it may be helpful to reflect on how things came to be, to consider whether there might have been an alternative course of action, and to explore whether the same outcome could have been avoided.

In an unavoidable situation, how might one achieve the result that would make them happiest?

2️⃣ There is bound to be a way before the car reaches the mountain, so perhaps it would be beneficial to consider letting someone go all the way.

While it might be a bit much to ask the victim or the person who's sad to try to empathize or put themselves in the other person's shoes, it can be helpful to try to see things from their perspective.

It's important to remember that everyone has their own social circles. If you and a friend fall out and you feel sad, you might ask questions like this or talk about it with your family and friends. The other person will likely do the same thing.

It's important to remember that not everything people say about others is necessarily negative. They might just be talking about something they've encountered, or expressing their emotions at the time. Once they've finished talking, it's over and there's no follow-up.

You might consider trying to think from a different perspective. Perhaps it would be helpful to think about what would happen if you were in the other person's position and what you would do in that situation. This could be a reminder to yourself that the other person is not doing anything superfluous.

From a less than ideal perspective, if the other party has said something unpleasant behind your back or even spread rumors, these things are not like an impenetrable wall and will eventually reach your ears.

Given that no untoward, special, or targeted events have occurred, it seems reasonable to conclude that this situation has not actually happened.

3️⃣ Follow your own path and strive to improve yourself, or choose not to engage with those who might try to influence you in a negative way.

One possible way to deal with gossip is to simply deny that it exists.

It may be helpful to consider that if the root cause of the incident is gone, the gossip will naturally fall apart, whether you think about what the other person might say or what you actually hear about what someone else is saying about you.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider spending more time on self-improvement and relaxation, rather than dwelling on the potential actions or words of the other person. While it may not take long for them to say a hundred things, continuously focusing on this can lead to missed opportunities.

There is a song that offers a compelling perspective on life: "You say life is like a dream, I say life is like a show. What's the difference? It's all the same, hazy." The lyrics suggest that when we're with someone we love, life takes on a different hue. With you in the haze, with you and me is enough. You are in my world, and a rainbow has risen.

Perhaps the most important things in life are happiness and having someone who understands you and is there for you when you're sad. It might be helpful to let the past be the past.

I hope my answer will be of some help to you.

I hope that my answer can help you to see that the world and I love you.

I worry about others saying bad things about us. This is a common problem. Minds can cause suffering.

People's minds can make endless connections.

Our thoughts have a lot of power. Even if we try to pay attention to them, we can't stop thinking or control them.

See and allow.

[Watching this makes me worry.]

I saw my friend chatting with someone else. I worried that she was saying bad things about me.

I worry they're talking about something I did wrong and despising me.

I fear they're spreading bad things about me and damaging my reputation. My damaged reputation will affect my future social life.

I worry that my social skills will affect my work.

If I don't do a good job, I won't earn a good income. This will affect my ability to survive.

I'm afraid this will harm me.

I have a lot of worries.

[Examine your thoughts, not the other way around]

For example, "I said the wrong thing."

I'll say many things in my life and I can't get every word right.

Most of the time, others will be tolerant of us. But there are times when saying the wrong thing will be used against us. This is unlikely.

I worry about saying the wrong thing because I've been attacked before.

My worry, conflict, and anxiety are protecting me.

I need a safe space and temporary protection.

When I'm ready, my worries, internal conflict, and anxiety will go away.

We can't control pain, but we can avoid it.

Painful thoughts are like tornadoes. There are too many to destroy.

When we're close to this tornado, we're affected. We need to pull away.

Write your pain and thoughts on a leaf, then put it in a river. Watch it float away.

Feel the pain-laden leaf drift away.

You can also do this with actions or meditation.

Hello, I'm Luo Hongmei, a listening therapist.

Your worry and anxiety seem to affect your normal life.

You're worried that a university classmate will tell secrets and speak ill of you. You're afraid to get in touch with your university classmates. But not getting in touch doesn't solve your problem.

You worry that your colleagues will say bad things about you at work.

You have social anxiety. It is caused by bad social experiences that make you doubt yourself and make you anxious.

From a psychological perspective, social anxiety is caused by worrying about unlikely events.

To relieve social anxiety, talk to a counselor. Also, do relaxation training, breathing meditation, self-affirmation training, and mindfulness stress reduction exercises.

These methods will help.

I'm Luo Hongmei, a counselor at Yixinli. Please talk to me.

Dear questioner,

I'm Li Hongxia, a listening coach.

When I read your words, I was worried that my friend would tell others about our past because we had a falling out during college. Even if I see your friend with other people, I can't help imagining that they are talking about you. This has affected my current relationships, and even at work, I worry that my colleagues are talking about me. It has put me in a state of extreme anxiety and fear.

Take a moment to give yourself a hug, relax your mind a little, and allow yourself to relax in this moment.

When we care a lot about what others think of us and always feel like everyone around us is talking about us, it's like we're a child who's done something wrong, feeling especially helpless and sad.

It might be related to the following factors:

1. Social anxiety: When someone has social anxiety, they may be overly concerned with what others think of them, whether it's real or imagined. This anxiety can make them sensitive to what others think and trigger concerns about bad rumors.

We care a lot about what others think of us and feel like everyone is talking about us, which can lead to paranoia.

2. A strong sense of self: too much attention on oneself, especially concerned about how they are perceived by others, may lead to overinterpreting the words and deeds of those around them, thinking that they are the subject of discussion.

3. A lack of self-confidence and a sense of unworthiness. She feels extremely insecure when she sees people she knows discussing with "her." She thinks she's done something wrong and feels inferior, exaggerating the truth.

Here are some ways to make sure this doesn't happen again:

1. Take other people's comments with a grain of salt. Just because someone has a different opinion doesn't mean it's the truth or that it should affect you.

2. Work on boosting your self-esteem and self-confidence, and try to cultivate a high sense of self-esteem and self-efficacy. Also, try to view your own merits and value dialectically, so that the opinions of others have less influence.

3. Look for support from people around you, like teachers or friends, to help you think positively, improve your relationships, and take your mind off things.

4. When you have some free time, try to improve yourself. Read more books on psychology, go out to eat, or watch a movie. These activities can help you feel more energized and focused on your own growth. They can also help you learn to focus on yourself and the present, rather than trying to please others.

5. Get involved in more sports activities and events to improve your own quality, while also making friends and meeting like-minded people to explore the meaning of life together.

6. If the symptoms don't improve or get worse, it's a good idea to speak to a professional counselor.

I'm Li Hongxia, a listening therapist, and I hope I can help you.

Hello! I read your description and I can relate to so much of it. I totally get how you're always worried that you'll say or do the wrong thing, that you'll be gossiped about or caught doing something wrong. It's so hard to live your life without being cautious all the time!

I can feel your tension, fear, and anxiety. I'm here to help you find ways to reduce the psychological distress caused by excessive suspicion of others.

If a mental model bothers you and has a significant impact on your life, it might be helpful to ask yourself, "What's wrong with me?"

If someone is worried about what others say behind their back as an adult, it might mean that they feel like they're not good enough and that they've made mistakes.

Oh, making mistakes is terrible and not allowed for him. Mistakes are severely punished.

Because this was his life experience from childhood, he was unfortunately severely criticized or punished by his parents or caregivers for even the slightest mistake. Under constant pressure, his sense of security gradually disappeared over time.

And he'll start to believe that mistakes are bad, that they're dangerous, and that he can't make them. Understandably, this will make him feel afraid.

He spends most of his energy checking to see if he's made a mistake, said the wrong thing, or done the wrong thing. It's so hard when we feel like we've made a mistake or done something wrong! It can really take a toll on us mentally and emotionally.

How do we get out of this negative belief? Well, we can't change what's already happened, but we can change how we think about it.

We often look back on our past and think about all the mistakes we've made. But have we really made mistakes all the time?

We all know how it goes. Sometimes you feel like you're right, or that your mistake is so small it's not worth your parents making such a fuss. It can be hurtful, right?

It's so sad when this happens. It's likely that the parents themselves have some kind of psychological problem. They're just really unhappy and they take it out on their kids. They don't want their kids to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing.

It's so sad to see how their strong desire to control, or maybe just their distorted views, have made their children suffer a lot of suppression and humiliation.

It's important to remember that for kids who are struggling, there are many mistakes and embarrassments that are allowed and forgiven. There are even many mistakes that aren't mistakes at all!

Let's say you take half an hour longer than usual to do your homework. Your mom might think you're procrastinating. She might get upset and yell at you, lose control, push you, and even pull out a ruler and tell you to hold out your hand. It can be really scary in that moment, and you might not even know how to explain that you took half an hour longer because you couldn't figure it out.

We all make mistakes, and it's okay! But when we do, we often face harsh criticism or punishment.

You are expected to be perfect, to never say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. But the so-called standard of perfection is just how your parents want you to be, sweetie.

We all make mistakes! It's just that sometimes we think differently from our parents or don't quite meet their standards.

And as a sensitive soul, you feel powerless to resist. You can only obey their standards and be a child who makes no mistakes. You live a very stressful life, full of anxiety.

It's totally normal to worry that you'll make a mistake and get a scolding. Even when you haven't made a mistake, it's easy to check to see if you have, and to pay special attention to what other people say and do and how they treat you.

But you should know that you are now fully grown. And that's a wonderful thing! You can protect yourself very well.

You can even re-evaluate right and wrong! For example, choosing a career based on your own preferences, rather than accepting your parents' arrangements, is not a mistake.

And if you are wrongly accused, you can speak up and defend yourself, sweetie.

For example, if you do say the wrong thing to a colleague, it's okay! Colleagues are not your parents, and a sincere apology will win them over. You can also make amends and correct mistakes at work.

Remember, you are no longer that little kid you used to be, unable to bear the consequences of your actions. Now that you're an adult, you know that making mistakes is not as scary as it used to be.

Even if you make a small mistake, you can take responsibility for it and protect yourself. We all make mistakes, and that's okay!

I really hope this helps!

Good day, question asker. I am 33 years of age.

We can begin by considering why we are concerned about others making negative comments about us and the potential impact these could have on us. This is akin to the scenario described in the question, where we anticipate the worst possible outcome.

The most effective method for overcoming anxiety is to take action. Similarly, the most effective method for overcoming fear is to confront it directly. It is natural to be reluctant to accept the consequences of what others say about us or to leave ourselves open to criticism.

Taking action means facing the most unfavorable potential outcome one can imagine.

It is possible that the questioner is simply afraid and has not yet considered the matter in depth. You may therefore wish to start by taking out a piece of paper and a pen and writing down your fears.

Before we proceed, I would like to clarify that there is a specific term used to describe the process of writing down one's emotions on paper: expressive writing.

Expressive writing is a psychological intervention method that employs written expression as a means of articulating inner emotions and thoughts associated with personally significant experiences or events. This approach is designed to facilitate emotional regulation and enhance individual physical and mental well-being.

From Baidu.

This method is particularly suited to alleviating distress in everyday life, given the difficulty of empathising with such experiences. It can assist in understanding one's thoughts and feelings, and once these emotions are identified, they will be challenging to dwell on for extended periods.

The process is straightforward: simply write. Document any concerns or issues that are currently on your mind.

The topic owner is concerned about being the subject of discussion and this has impacted his daily life. This is an area that can be addressed through writing.

Instead of dwelling on these concerns, it would be more productive to document them and address them directly.

It is important to pay attention to the fact that handwriting is more effective than typing when it comes to writing. The act of writing with a pen or pencil engages both the hands and the mind, allowing more time for reflection.

In my own case, I maintain a record of my emotional state, particularly when I feel strongly about an issue and am unable to resolve it. I refer to this as my "emotion diary."

The primary objective of this diary is to document my emotional state at the time. I refrain from making any recommendations or suggestions, and I avoid making plans or taking any action that might exacerbate my concerns. Instead, I simply record my emotions. If feasible, it is beneficial to also include the date of the entry, as this allows for a retrospective view of how your concerns evolve over time.

Please find below an example of how I record information in my diary:

March 24, 2024. I titled that day's entry "Anxiety." The source of my concern was straightforward: I had not yet completed my professional coursework, and it was causing me significant distress.

I documented my feelings about the unfinished event, the cause of my anxiety, and the potential worst-case scenario if the event were not completed. After I had outlined all the possibilities, I experienced a moment of relief and a sense of emptiness.

At that moment, my sole focus was on the following thought:

It appeared that the situation was not as dire as initially perceived.

This is not a piece of writing that requires absolute perfection; rather, it is a piece of writing that accepts oneself.

It is important to note that not everyone will like themselves, and it is inevitable that they will be criticized. However, it is possible to love oneself. What other people say is their business, and other people's emotions have no bearing on the individual.

It is my hope that this method will prove beneficial to the questioner. Furthermore, I hope that the questioner will learn to love himself and that the world and I will extend our love to you.

I am pleased to have been able to provide a response to this question.

I really hope my answer helps you out!

1. Situation:

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's totally normal to worry about how others see us and what they might say or do. It's only natural to feel anxious about that. The psychological states of "excessive worry" and "social anxiety" are formed when we worry about other people forming negative opinions of us and spreading information that is detrimental to us.

2. Reason:

This kind of psychology comes from past experiences and deep-seated fears. I can imagine how the breakdown of your relationship with a friend in college must have been a really tough time for you. It's only natural to start doubting and worrying that others would betray you in such a situation.

On top of that, if you rely too much on other people to judge you, it can make this anxiety worse.

3. Result:

It really affects your normal social activities and career development. It even causes you to avoid establishing deep relationships with others in the future, which is a shame because there are so many opportunities out there! It also affects your work status and sleep quality.

4. Essence:

The heart of the matter is your lack of trust in others and your tendency to rely too heavily on how others see your worth. This lack of trust and misperception aren't based on reality, but are shaped by inner fears and anxieties.

5. Misconception:

Myth 1: We all have so much to learn from each other!

Myth 2: Sometimes we can overthink other people's words and actions, thinking that they're directed at us.

Myth 3: We all know that avoiding communication with others can sometimes make things worse.

Myth 4: Sometimes we can get a bit carried away and project past experiences onto all our relationships.

Myth 5: It's okay to take a moment for yourself and focus on your own needs and feelings, even if it's not always easy to do.

6. Tools and Methods:

It would be really helpful for you to learn and understand about "cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)" as this can help to alleviate this state by changing your thinking patterns and behavior habits. Also, be kind to yourself and don't expect to learn it all today and change immediately next week. It takes time to change, so just take it one day at a time.

7. Solution:

Step 1: Take a moment to record and evaluate whether your concerns are reasonable. It's totally normal to feel this way, but try to remember that your concerns are based on fear rather than reality.

Step 2: It's time to learn some relaxing techniques! You can relieve tension and anxiety through physical relaxation.

For example, you could try meditation and mindfulness exercises.

Step 3: It's time to face your fears and start connecting with others! You can start with some simple social activities.

Step 4: It's time to learn some new communication skills! We'll cover how to listen, how to express yourself, how to empathize, and even how to handle conflicts.

If you need more targeted advice, don't hesitate to seek professional psychological counseling.

In a nutshell, change is a process that requires a little patience and time. With a positive and objective attitude, you'll be able to overcome any difficulties!