Am I too stubborn and nitpicking, always wanting my husband to think like I do?

It's not always possible to change another person.

In family relationships, the relationship between husband and wife is of the utmost importance. If there is a problem in the relationship and it is not addressed in a timely manner, it may have an impact on other relationships.

In marital relationships, it's common for people to point the finger at the other person, saying things like, "My husband is like this and my wife is like that." We often argue with reasons, hoping that the other person will admit that it is their own problem, come over and apologize, and make changes.

I'm afraid this is not a realistic expectation. It's important to remember that we cannot force our ideas on anyone, including your husband and children. Similarly, it's not fair to ask others to change for my own sake.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what you could do in this situation.

Perhaps the answer is as simple as changing yourself. When your thoughts and actions change, it may influence or inspire the other person to change as well.

Given that everything around you is a projection of your inner consciousness, it could be said that your environment is created by yourself. You may feel innocent, thinking that you don't like this situation, so it may be helpful to consider how it could be created by yourself.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that your level of conscious energy may be influencing this situation. It's possible that the people and events you attract into your life are a reflection of what you are experiencing right now, but it's also possible that these experiences are not entirely real.

It is not possible to change the shadow you are projecting because it is just a shadow. If you want to change it, you must change the source of the projection. Once the source changes, the shadow will change. This source is your inner thoughts, which is your heart.

Some people say that marriage is a matter for two people, but in fact, marriage is a matter for one person. This means that you are the master of your own life and you direct your own life. It has nothing to do with anyone else.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that there is nothing outside of ourselves.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider making some changes now.

Perhaps a good place to start would be to try to never complain.

If your husband doesn't go out, you could consider taking the kids out, going out to eat something delicious, and having fun. You might then come back and tell him about your experiences with the kids. It might be best not to accuse him, but rather to praise him more and tell him that he has worked hard for the family, and that it is because of him that you and the kids have a happy life.

Perhaps you could try dressing up nicely every day, being a little more confident and sunny, and seeing how that affects him. It might be helpful to remember that everything is in your hands.

I'm truly sorry to hear that.

Hello!

Host:

After reading the post, I could really feel how upset and powerless the author was. But I also saw that the author was really brave to share his sadness and look for help on the platform. This will help him to understand himself and his husband better and to adjust himself.

I'd love to share my observations and thoughts in the post, which I hope will help the poster gain a richer perspective on herself.

1. Accept your husband for who he really is.

From the post, it seems like the husband in question is someone who doesn't particularly enjoy getting involved with the children and doesn't tend to engage in parent-child activities. He seems to prefer playing games by himself.

Oh, yes, this is just who he is! And the poor poster is suffering because she wants an "ideal husband."

This husband can care about the hardships I go through, share parenting tips with me, and play interactive games with the kids.

It's so important to remember that when we have an ideal in our minds of what we think our partner should be like, it can be really difficult when they don't live up to it. It's natural to feel lost, disappointed, angry and powerless when this happens. But it's also worth asking ourselves whether we can change our partners when they don't change themselves.

I'm afraid the chances of this happening are pretty slim.

So, what if you can't change it? Don't worry! We can still accept our husbands for who they really are.

At least this way, we won't feel lost or aggrieved. At least we can take care of ourselves and protect our own feelings.

2. Why not try a different way of communicating?

If we accept our husband's true self, we can absolutely do anything about it!

My husband would prefer if you didn't call him so often. Would you be willing to reduce the frequency of his parent-child activities with the children?

I'm sure you can discuss a compromise with him and set a rule, don't you think? There's also the possibility that the host can try a new way of communicating.

The main thing the poster needs to think about is the kind of environment where people can listen to advice. Is it when they are being rejected that they can listen to advice, or is it when they are being praised? So, at this time, the poster might want to learn a new way of communicating and expressing themselves.

How can they do that? Well, the host can go and have a look at the communication methods mentioned in Nonviolent Communication.

I really do think the poster will have a lot to gain!

It's so important to feel recognized as a person. That's the first step to making changes.

3. You know what you need to do to improve yourself and increase your influence.

From the post, it seems like the poster is the one who worries the most in the family. It can be really hurtful and frustrating when your hard work is met with disapproval. This is something we all experience as humans.

It's so important to understand how others treat us. You give so much, but will he appreciate it?

So, what the original poster might want to do at this time is to set aside some time to improve and grow themselves. Of course, women can read some psychology books, which can help women better grow and understand themselves.

When you've grown and your influence has increased, and you have a higher dimensional awareness, you'll find you have lots of ways to deal with your husband. Even if your husband sees your changes, he'll be influenced too!

I really hope these tips are helpful for the original poster! My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a certified psychosynthesis coach.

A family is a commitment between two people to take responsibility for the future. One person cannot guarantee the normal development of a family.

A marriage is a new stage of relationships. It's important to rebuild the relationship between the two people in the marriage. Everyone plays a role in the family and needs to take responsibility.

In an unequal marriage, responsibilities and life are in conflict.

Everyone has different ideas about emotions. In his mind, money is the same as happiness.

His upbringing shaped his carefree and irresponsible character. You value family over material things and want to make your family better.

To get him involved in the family, you need to explain what family means and his responsibilities. Don't just tell him what to do; let him make decisions.

Some games and activities can strengthen family bonds.

As the main support of the family, he may face a lot of pressure at work. When he comes home, he likes to relax and do what he wants.

He plays games because he lacks long-term motivation. As long as he has something else to do, he can avoid the virtual world.

Starting a family can be stressful. This can lead to misunderstandings between partners. These misunderstandings can cause couples to hurt each other.

A family should not fight. Communication is key. No one is perfect. Families should support each other, not change each other.

Hello, question asker!

I appreciate the invitation. I'm eager to discuss your issue.

I have read your question several times. As I read it, I could picture your family situation, especially the scenes of you and your husband getting along. You have a very good command of words. You are really very good at it. First of all, I want to give you a big thumbs up!

Your personal qualities are high, which is why you found such a profitable husband and are now in a very wealthy and advantageous situation at home. Your ability to reflect is also strong.

You also said, "Maybe I'm just being too stubborn?" When I read this, I want to give you a big thumbs up!

You said you let your husband go out to play for three reasons: to accompany the children, to take care of your husband's health, and to go out and play as a family in harmony. I agree with all three reasons. You're thinking from the perspective of your little family and pursuing a better life for your family, and I support that 100%.

You're absolutely right. When I go out with my child, we can go out with the child. But we want a harmonious family, and we want the child to have both parents with him so that the child can open up. If he really has something to do, there's nothing we can do about it. But this kind of isolation can't be long-term. I share your view: I want to keep the family together.

Our intentions are good, but we may have done a disservice despite our good intentions. My husband feels that we have violated his boundaries because he is still in his own world. As long as we don't disturb him playing games, he feels free and harmonious. However, in the short term, it's not okay to do it for a long time! You should stick to your position, but we can be more tactful in our approach.

I know this is going to be difficult for you, but you mentioned your husband, which is great. Just tell him what you want and he'll do it. It's as simple as that. Don't ask her to come with the child every time. Give him time to play games too. We just need to make sure he doesn't become addicted. Then, try to slowly change it and see if he can enjoy it a little when he goes out with the child and us.

He needs to gradually move out of his gaming world.

If you can do this, let her slowly step out of the game world. That would be the best result. Forcing it won't work. It's hard for us to bear, and it's also hard for him. He's right. You found someone who can make so much money, and his family is still not satisfied. This is also one-sided. It makes him stand in the game world, and he often says things just to maintain the game. You love your family, your children, and your husband very much. You've removed the material and made the spirit richer. This is to lead the family to a better realm of material and spiritual life.

For the sake of a better family life, we must recognize the good in our husbands. They work hard to provide for us, and they don't go to bars or casinos at home. They love our children. We should appreciate these things and be tolerant of our husbands. We must stop saying that his life is boring. He may find games very interesting. He thinks we are not interesting, but that is unfair. He works hard to support the family, and that is for our little family!

Don't give him a lecture. Set a schedule and let him arrange the time you spend with the kids. If you go out 10 times, let him go out 5 times.

Let him try his best to go willingly. Give him time and don't force him. He'll accept a little pressure, but don't make it a habit.

Lighten the situation so he doesn't feel pressured. That'll stop the unnecessary arguments. You'll probably think, "I know I shouldn't argue, but why did we argue?" You'll realize it's the result of your own calculations. So in the future, if you encounter this situation again, you should temporarily let yourself remain silent for a minute and not say anything!

You will not argue when you have time to think. You will do better after you have reflected.

I know your family will continue to grow and thrive. The world and I love you!

Good day, host. It is my hope that my response will prove beneficial to you.

After a thorough examination of the original poster's account, I found myself in a similar position. I frequently expressed anger towards my husband for certain actions and held expectations of him that he was unable to fulfill. This led to a cyclical pattern of negative interactions.

Subsequently, it became evident that two key actions are essential for attaining a blissful marital union: comprehension and acceptance. Comprehension serves as the foundation for acceptance, and acceptance represents the tangible outcome of comprehension.

Indeed, a considerable number of individuals experience marital dissatisfaction due to their unrealistic expectations of their partners. They anticipate perfection and are unable to reconcile conflicts inherent to marriage. However, it is crucial to recognize that conflicts and challenges are inherent to marriage and are not necessarily indicative of a flawed relationship.

It is important to understand that there are specific rules that govern the nature of love and that intimacy progresses through a series of defined stages.

1. The Passion Period

The passion period represents the initial phase of intimacy and is also the period during which it is most probable that a marriage of convenience will emerge. During this period, individuals tend to perceive only positive attributes in their partner, and they themselves are driven to temporarily assume the role of the ideal lover in their partner's eyes. Despite their feelings of compatibility, the happiness derived from this period is solely attributable to dopamine and can only persist for a duration of three to six months, or at most a year. Consequently, the positive sentiments experienced during this stage are transient and insufficient to sustain a long-lasting and fulfilling marriage. Subsequently, intimacy transitions into the period of adjustment.

2. The period of adjustment

The period of adjustment, that is, the conflict stage of the development of intimacy, is a period during which all emotional problems emerge. During this period, passion has gradually diminished, and the issues related to each other's physical bodies have begun to surface. Our conceptualization of love has confronted the stark reality, and the other person has undergone a transformation from a state of positive regard to one of negative sentiment, thereby posing a challenge to the intimacy between the two individuals.

Additionally, during this period, each individual tends to spend an increasing amount of time alone, and instead of relying on each other as much as before, they require more time for themselves.

The parties involved have revealed their respective shortcomings. At this juncture, if they perceive irreconcilable conflicts, they may seek to alter the other person's behavior, and the other person may similarly desire change. This can precipitate further conflicts and contradictions, which may ultimately result in a dissolution of the relationship.

Consequently, the adjustment period represents the most challenging stage in the context of romantic relationships.

3. Introspection period.

Once a relationship has survived the initial trial period, it is likely to enter a period of introspection. This period marks the beginning of self-reflection, whereby the focus shifts from the other person's problems to an examination of one's own internal patterns. This includes an understanding of one's own characteristics, responsibilities in intimate relationships, and potential for change. This period is crucial for personal growth and relationship reconstruction.

4. Enlightenment period

This stage is also referred to as the enlightenment stage, during which the two partners begin to establish a spiritual connection. At this juncture, the partners learn to embrace each other with love, and the other partner is also willing to fully accept their own childhood experiences and learn to embrace their inner child. As a result, the intimate relationship progresses to a higher and deeper stage, which is the state of deep intimacy that we are discussing.

It is, of course, the case that not many relationships can reach this stage, and it is not easy. However, this is the direction in which we and our partners need to work together and move forward together.

An understanding of the stages of growth in an intimate relationship reveals that conflicts and problems are an inherent part of the relationship dynamic. Therefore, the key is not to avoid conflicts but to foster a deeper understanding of the other person through conflict and to develop effective conflict resolution strategies.

Therefore, when a relationship enters a period of adjustment, it is essential to comprehend each other through the lens of conflicts and contradictions with the other party. This enables a deeper understanding of each other and a clearer perception of the other party's needs within the relationship. Consequently, the relationship can flourish.

Existential therapy master Irwin Yalom and his wife Marilyn are individuals with disparate preferences and characteristics. Despite these differences, they have maintained a relationship for over six decades, demonstrating a capacity for mutual understanding and support. They reserve a month of the year for annual leave, dividing it between France and the islands. Marilyn's preference is for France, while Yalom's is for the islands, resulting in each spending half the month in their respective destinations.

They can always tolerate and understand each other, and when problems arise, they can discuss a solution that is optimal for both parties.

When we are able to comprehend each other's actions from our respective perspectives and interact with each other as autonomous individuals rather than as means to our own ends, we can accept each other in a manner that is not characterized by dissatisfaction.

My husband enjoys socializing with friends in the evenings, engaging in the Chinese card game mahjong. During the initial adjustment period, I was unable to comprehend his preference for this activity. I repeatedly requested that he return home earlier, but he remained unresponsive. He asserted that his motivation for engaging in this pastime was to unwind, given the fatigue he experienced from his occupational duties during the day. He perceived that participating in a few rounds of mahjong in the evenings provided him with a sense of rejuvenation, relaxation, and elation.

From his perspective, I can comprehend the challenges he faces. It is also evident that we cannot alter another individual's behavior if they are not willing to change themselves. Instead, we can modify our expectations.

Consequently, I have ceased attempting to compel him to act in accordance with my preferences, instead demonstrating respect for his requirements. When he is absent, I schedule my time in accordance with my preferences. When he is present, I engage in activities that elicit positive emotions. This approach has resulted in my husband exhibiting greater relaxation when he engages in mahjong. Additionally, he has demonstrated a willingness to consider my needs and avoid arriving home at excessive hours. In the event of an urgent matter, he has even canceled the mahjong appointment to assist me in resolving the issue.

Indeed, when mutual understanding is achieved, it becomes easier to accept each other for who we are.

It is often asserted that when individuals are in a romantic relationship, they are together primarily because of the other person's positive attributes. However, when they enter into a marital union and begin living together, they must learn to accommodate each other's imperfections.

When love reaches the stage of adjustment, if expectations of perfection remain unmet, if shortcomings are resented, and if inadequacies are rejected, progress becomes challenging.

It is only through acceptance that one can avoid numerous disagreements and maintain a harmonious relationship. It is essential to recognize that an individual's characteristics are shaped by a complex interplay of genetic, environmental, and experiential factors. Attempting to alter these traits is often challenging.

Nevertheless, when there is a genuine comprehension, acceptance, respect, and love, change may ensue.

Do you wish to extend felicitations to the individual in question?

Hello,

From what you've said about your marriage, it seems like you're living in a way that's similar to how widowed parents often live. This is a common pattern in marriages, and it can feel pretty helpless.

It's important to remember that every couple has a different way of getting along. For a marriage to be happy and last, both people have to be willing to adjust, understand each other, and be tolerant. So, everyone has their own way of getting along with their partner.

From what you've said, it seems like your husband doesn't do a lot of things the way you like. It seems like he doesn't take responsibility very well and doesn't know how to show you and the kids consideration and care. You haven't been happy in this marriage, right?

From what you've said, it seems like your husband is not very involved in the family and doesn't seem to care much about the home. He's like an invisible presence, living his own life. You want him to pay more attention to you and the kids and take more responsibility for the family, right? I understand.

But your husband hasn't changed at all, and he even mocked you.

There's a saying in psychology that whoever is suffering, changes.

It's clear that changing him is going to be difficult at the moment. We also can't ask anyone to change according to our wishes, including ourselves. It's difficult for us to change someone else, and we can't do it to make the other person change into what we want without considering whether we also need to change.

It might help to change your thinking and look at people and things in a new light. This could make your attitude more relaxed.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're more dependent on your husband. You want to spend a lot of time with him and your child, which shows you crave the warmth of a family. But it also reveals that you lack a sense of security. You're not getting the consideration and care you want in your marriage, and there's a gap between your ideal marriage and the one you have, so you're not getting any consolation. This has led to a lot of complaints and dissatisfaction.

Maybe you come from a relatively privileged family, you're a full-time wife, and you don't have to bear much pressure in life. You're relatively carefree, and your material life is relatively abundant. However, your emotional needs and spiritual level may be slightly lacking, and they are constantly magnified.

You might want to try shifting your focus from your husband to yourself. You could start by making some changes to yourself.

Even as a couple, it's important to have your own space. You're not in a dependent relationship with each other.

You can also try to arrange your own life so that you can live a happy, enriching, and socially active life. You can learn about current trends, try new things, and embrace new technologies like live streaming and video recording. You can also learn to dress and do your makeup in a way that makes you feel confident.

If you feel like your life is boring and tasteless, you can go out and meet other mothers, expand your circle of friends, and enrich your life in a number of ways. You can learn new skills and gain new knowledge, enhance your self-worth and strength, and make yourself more confident and independent. I believe you will gain a greater sense of self-worth and happiness.

When you start making positive changes, you can influence how your husband sees you and help him recognize his own issues.

It's important for both partners to support and encourage each other, influence each other, grow together, understand and communicate with each other, be tolerant, and work hard together.

I wish you all the best.

Hi, I'm Shu Ya Qingzheng. I'd like to share my thoughts and hope they'll be helpful to you.

You and your husband have different views on lifestyle and parenting, and it's not what you want. Do you feel conflicted? Hug again.

You can be self-aware, recognize your own feelings and needs, and use psychological knowledge to pursue self-growth. That's a great advantage!

There's a psychological hedgehog effect: when it's too cold, two hedgehogs huddle together for warmth. If they get too close, they'll get pricked by the other one's quills, so they move further apart.

If they get too far apart, they feel cold, so they move closer together.

This is the famous "hedgehog effect." In this story, the two hedgehogs repeatedly drew close and then moved away until they found an optimal distance where neither would get cold nor get hurt.

This story shows that the closeness between people is also like the dilemma of a hedgehog. We all want a comfortable relationship with our spouse and to agree on everything.

But how can two people from two different families have exactly the same lifestyle and mindset?

Intimacy means that two people can have common life goals, support and care for each other, pay attention to and love each other, but also need to maintain their independence from each other. Before they can pay attention to and love each other, they must first learn to love themselves.

So, it's important to set boundaries with each other, even with the people you're closest to. If you try to be consistent with everything, you'll end up feeling like you don't have any space for yourself, and you'll feel powerless.

I think this is what your husband is thinking. You can try to understand him, calm down, and learn to accept and care for yourself and grow yourself.

In all relationships, you've got to start with yourself. When you start to love yourself, your love will overflow and nourish the relationship.

It's not selfish to love yourself. It's about having the ability to love, nourish, and enrich yourself, care for and grow, and better face relationships and life.

Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology, once said that all human problems come from our relationships with other people.

Identifying problems is an important step in solving them, so you're doing great. Every beginning is a bit troubling, so it's okay to take your time.

The author of the book "The Art of Communication" says that to have good relationships and communicate effectively, we need to adjust ourselves, express ourselves reasonably, and build relationships.

The book is also split into three parts to help us learn about relationships:

? Looking inward, focusing on self-awareness and understanding your own role, perceptions, and emotions in communication.

? Looking outward, we focus on factors related to the other person, including language, non-verbal communication, and listening.

When we look at relationships between people, we focus on the relationship level with the other person. Instead of getting caught up in each other's behaviors, we pay more attention to things like intimacy, communication atmosphere, and conflict.

Good communication is based on objective facts and an attitude of understanding, sincerity, equality, and respect. It involves clearly and specifically expressing feelings and needs and asking for understanding and cooperation in sharing.

And be kind and caring in your relationship with each other. When you take care of yourselves and accept yourselves, this love will nourish your relationship and make you feel comfortable and harmonious.

Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, also said something really worthwhile: "The best way to live your life is to change what you can, and accept what you cannot."

So, you might want to try accepting your current relationship patterns and conflicts. In addition to growing yourself and learning to maintain an appropriate distance from your husband, you could also try changing your communication patterns.

Reading can help us think for ourselves and give our minds a boost, so it's a good idea to read books on psychology related to personal growth and family relationships.

For instance, you might check out books like "When You Start Loving Yourself, the Whole World Will Love You Back," "The Art of Communication," and "Intimacy: Achieving Soul Mate."

I hope this helps the world and I love you both.

It's hard to change three different worldviews unless your husband wants to spend his life with you and experience life together. You want your husband to think the same way you do. You want your family's concept to be consistent.

You two have different views. You are more set in your ways, while he is more indulgent and disengaged.

Marriage problems are usually mutual. The person who finds the problem is more likely to suffer. They should take the initiative to make changes. Perhaps he doesn't know how to improve himself or make sacrifices for his family. This makes you feel disconnected from him.

He likes to play games and doesn't understand why you want to go outside. He's a nerd and wants you to be one too. It's unfair. You need to talk to him.

You still need to talk because life is about movement. You can still go out for a stroll. He may feel you're asking for too much.

You're just trying to improve your family's quality of life, and you're tired. Talk to someone, calm down, and see if you can lower your expectations of your husband.

ZQ?