Anxiety about not finding a partner, worrying about becoming an elderly spinster, how to adjust?

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, your coach Xiufu, and I'm so happy to be able to give you some advice!

From what you've written, I can tell that your anxiety is coming from the fact that you're not sure what the future holds and you're feeling a bit unsure about getting married and falling in love at your age. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed, scared and worried!

We're here to help you work through this! We'll take it one step at a time. As a postgraduate student, you're facing a lot of exciting changes. We know that your future is full of possibilities, but we also know that it can be overwhelming. We're here to support you as you navigate this journey. We'll help you think through some of the challenges you might face in the future. We'll also explore how you can handle these challenges in a way that works for you.

We're here to help you work through this together. Let's look at this together and see if we can adjust our state of mind a little so that we can live more freely.

First of all, you're now 24 years old, and you've actually slowly grown out of the naivety of college graduation. You've gained a little bit more experience in life, which is great!

But since you haven't entered the workforce yet, it's totally understandable that you're feeling a little worried right now. In terms of relationships, I see that you feel you're not that great at communicating with the opposite sex, and you haven't been in a relationship. In fact, you had a silent crush on someone before, didn't you?

At the time, you had a really good impression of him. You thought he was a lovely person who would make you feel comfortable and let you speak your mind. But after you made up your mind to confess your feelings despite your character, he rejected you.

It's totally understandable that it's not easy for you to make the effort to take this step. So although this relationship made you feel really sad for a long time, have you thought about why that was?

Or are you still feeling down in the dumps?

I totally get where you're coming from with your doubts about your self-worth. It's so hard to feel confident in your looks when you don't really approve of your appearance.

And with your lovely personality, you are a bit of a flatterer, or you have the extravagant hope that the other person will like you. You will immediately respond very strongly to his feelings, or you will desperately want to confirm the relationship as quickly as possible.

It's totally normal to feel this way sometimes. We've all been there! It's natural to worry that if you get to know someone for a long time, they might develop a feeling that they don't want to continue. This can make you feel insecure, and it's something we can work through together.

It's totally normal to feel a bit shy around the opposite sex. We've all been there! It's all about building up your confidence and being true to yourself. You'll know when the right moment is to apply your sincerity, and who to apply it to. Just remember to take care of yourself and don't get involved too soon.

And then there's your personality, plus the challenge of navigating graduate student circles. What can you say about your circles?

If you keep thinking that you are an introvert and are too afraid to move forward, you'll try your best, but when you encounter difficulties, you'll choose to escape. This is totally understandable! It's easy to give yourself a good reason not to expand your social circle and socialize with others.

So, whether you have the potential to make a breakthrough and whether your personality will really stay the same depends on your thinking and your way of thinking.

I really do believe that you want to change, but I also know that you might not know how to go about it. That's totally normal! We all have to start somewhere. What you might need is someone with experience to guide you step by step to try to implement, and then slightly adjust your personality to conform to the current mode of communication with others.

But remember, this isn't about becoming someone else completely. It's about combining your true inner self with what you're good at.

I've seen this in others, and I know you have potential too! Let's talk in detail.

So, your current state is that you can first organize your words well. All you have to do is click on my personal homepage and ask me questions. I'll be more than happy to help you solve them more specifically!

Then there's your age and your work. Don't worry too much about these things now, but think about what personality traits match your age.

It's about finding the perfect outfit to match your wonderful personality and positive energy. And it's about your future plans, whether it's in the workplace or in marriage.

If you haven't thought about it yet, no problem! You can try to think about it first, or send it to me, and I'll be more than happy to help you check it and plan it out.

I really hope you can.

It's so important to see yourself for who you really are, show your true self, and add our experience as people who have been there before to help you avoid some risks.

I really believe that your future can go more smoothly under your control.

I'll be waiting to hear from you and I wish you all the best!

My dear friend, I see you're having a tough time. It's okay to feel down when things don't go your way. We've all been there! It's like you're searching for something, a relationship maybe? You're not sure if you're attractive to the opposite sex, and you're looking for a partner with a humble attitude? You're feeling lost and uncertain about the future?

I really think the problem is this uncertainty and lack of confidence!

I'm not sure, but I'm happy to help in any way I can!

We all face uncertainty in life, and it's a natural part of growing up. You're navigating so many big changes right now, from school to work, relationships to dating, and even the challenges of being an older person. It can feel overwhelming, but remember, you're not alone. Many people are in the same boat, and you've got this! Didn't you say it too?

First, it's a great idea to settle on a job so that you have a stable routine. This will give you a foundation to build on. It's always better to first settle on something than to keep on changing.

You can be sure of one thing right now: you know what kind of guy is suitable for you! First, do an analysis of your own personality. Then, sketch an outline of your ideal type. Finally, consider how you can improve yourself.

It's also a great idea to think about what kind of work you'd like to do. You can look up the company's recruitment information at the academy, have a look at the information from previous years, gain some experience, and ideally go on an internship for a few months to gain some practical experience and feel more confident.

Dating is a skill, and we all have to start somewhere! If you consider yourself to be at level 0, you can start by learning to have interesting conversations with the opposite sex. There are a few specific areas to focus on: topics, interest, and rhythm (these are the three key elements of a good conversation, according to my summary). The topics should match the interests of both parties, and the interest should be lively, using trending topics, emoticons, and colloquialisms that fit the topic. The rhythm should be able to capture the mood and find the right moment to end the conversation or change the topic.

It's true! In a social circle full of girls, it's pretty unlikely you'll find a guy. But don't worry, there are plenty of other ways to meet people. I'd highly recommend joining some groups with the same interests. You'll not only improve your communication skills, but you'll also meet lots of interesting people! And offline clubs, activities and competitions are a great way to meet like-minded people.

[Lack of confidence]

It's a pretty common situation to feel rejected and then be really upset about it. But there's no judgment here, just a sense that it's a sign of a deeper issue with the person asking the question. This is also related to the previous uncertainty — feeling like you're giving it your all and then getting rejected in return. I totally get it! It's so frustrating when you're playing games and you feel like you're not being confident enough, right? It's like you don't know how to be confident. But the truth is, confidence comes from having a good understanding of things.

There's a term in psychology called self-efficacy, which is all about having confidence in your ability to complete a task and get the results you want. People with a high sense of self-efficacy are willing to take on challenges and often have the confidence to do things well, which creates a positive cycle. There are a few different sources of self-efficacy:

Success experiences, including success in specific events or related success in other areas. It's so important to learn from experience and reflect on your own successes! This can help you to resist self-doubt and hedging thinking (proud people need to think more about failure, while the inferior need to see more success).

It can be really helpful to look around you and see if anyone around you has found a boyfriend. If you can, you could ask them about the process.

Verbal awakening, to put it another way, is "getting pumped up" or "having chicken soup for the soul." We've all been there! Sometimes those in the situation find it difficult to extricate themselves, and they need someone else, especially someone experienced and trusted, to tell them that they can do it, and give them an analysis of why they can, and convince them that this is the reason why they are here.

I hope this helps! Please feel free to talk to me about anything. I really hope everything goes well for you, sweetheart. At 24, you're still young and it's totally worth waiting for the right person to come along.

Dear Questioner, My name is Peilv.

Please accept this gesture of support and understanding.

Emotional Regulation

——Data Interpretation——

The questioner describes himself as introverted, 24 years old, a graduate student, with a narrow social circle, few opportunities to meet the opposite sex, no romantic experience, a failure to confess once, a setback, some inferiority complex, and confusion and anxiety about future marriage.

I can discern your curiosity and longing for love, as well as your concerns about the future. The current challenges have created a sense of uncertainty about the future.

The following is an analysis of the reasons.

It is a frustrating experience.

The questioner has no prior experience of being in a romantic relationship. The rejection by a partner at the initial stage of the relationship is a significant and often distressing experience, particularly for introverted individuals. It can lead to feelings of self-doubt and a questioning of one's own value. Additionally, the importance placed on physical appearance by potential partners is a factor that should not be overlooked.

It is possible that you believe the reason for the rejection was your appearance, which has led to a slight loss of confidence and, in turn, heightened anxiety.

Perception

"They say they need to complete their education and establish themselves in a career. I concur, but even then I still need to consider the possibility of not finding a suitable partner and the potential consequences of being an older woman without a partner. Despite recognizing the importance of focusing on one's studies in the present, it is still challenging to completely eliminate concerns and anxieties about the uncertainty of the future.

It appears that despite your best efforts, you are unable to create a secure environment for yourself. This leaves you exposed to the vicissitudes of life, which can make you feel helpless and vulnerable. The uncertainty that comes with the unknown can also instill a sense of fear and unease.

I offer the following personal advice:

It is important to accept yourself.

From your description, I believe you are a courageous, intelligent, logical, studious, and driven individual with long-term goals and a strong sense of self-awareness. Setbacks may temporarily impact your enthusiasm, but they do not diminish your intrinsic value. Your self-perception should be based on a more objective understanding of your strengths and weaknesses. Learning from others' strengths and accepting yourself will enhance your confidence.

It is important to accept the trauma.

"I met a young man in junior high school, and by chance we discovered that we were both studying in the same city. I had a favorable impression of him and felt he was a pleasant person. I also felt at ease around him and was not self-conscious. An introverted woman who is socially anxious can overcome her shyness and reserve to make the first move and express her feelings. This demonstrates that the other person truly has a strong attraction to you. However, you stated, 'Appearance is an important factor that many men value.' Is this the actual reason he rejected you? Is he your ideal marriage partner?"

I would like to suggest that in order to achieve happiness, one must pursue it actively and with determination. By doing so, any regrets or remorse that may arise will be eliminated.

Make the most of each day.

While appearance may be a factor in the development of a couple or spouse, its importance and role as the sole determining factor vary from person to person. Factors such as character, values, personality, interests, and abilities must also be considered, and these factors can only be fully revealed over time and through mutual understanding. It is important to recognize that the problems you are concerned about do exist. Since they are inevitable, it is essential to learn how to live with them. It is also crucial to leave worrying about the future to the future.

The unknown also has two sides. It can manifest as uneasiness and fear, but it can also bring hope and change. We must have the courage to face the uncertainties of life, and we can gain different growth and insights at different stages. Focusing on the present moment can provide greater security.

Please advise.

I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to the world and to you, my esteemed colleagues.

Hello again! I just wanted to reiterate that in my previous answer, I said that although there are many factors to consider when getting married, the most important thing is to listen to your true feelings. Marriage is not a must in life. If you meet the right partner, getting married and having children is the perfect ending!

"If you don't meet the right person, don't worry! And don't marry just for the sake of it." The same goes for you!

I can see that you are worried about not being able to find the right person, and that you are worried that as you get older, the results in the field of marriage and love will become increasingly worse. But don't worry! As people get older, they become increasingly anxious about marriage. But there's no need to fret! There are plenty of ways to find the right person and build a happy, loving relationship.

But you're only 24 years old! If you start to feel anxious now, just think of us older sisters in our 30s who have already made it through that stage.

Everyone's life path is different, and there is no fixed timetable for determining when you will find the right partner. So, don't worry about that now! Instead, focus on enjoying the happiness of the present. From your next description, I understand that you are worried that your introverted personality will affect finding a partner.

From the information you have provided, it seems that you are an introvert and lack the experience of interacting with the opposite sex, which has led to a sense of insecurity. Some of your concerns are valid. Indeed, marriage is no joke. Everyone hopes to find the right partner, and if you are forced by reality to lower your standards for a spouse, then even if you marry against your will, you are unlikely to be happy in the future. But don't worry! There are plenty of ways to find a great spouse.

I can sense your inferiority complex, anxiety, worries, and a sense of uncertainty about the future. And from your tone, I can tell that you are relatively resistant to matchmaking. But I'm here to tell you that after you step out into society, you will find that matchmaking is also a very normal way to meet the opposite sex!

If you're not feeling confident in your appearance, you can totally change that by watching makeup and fashion videos all the time! And if you can't change the situation right now, you can still work on your temperament through fitness and body shaping.

And finally, marriage is not a necessity in life! If you feel that way, think about what makes you feel that way.

Could it be your social and cultural background? It might be that certain social concepts are putting pressure on you, but you can overcome this!

If you can't find a suitable partner for the time being, then just go with the flow! Fate will surely push you in the direction where you should be. At this stage, focus on completing your postgraduate studies and enjoy the ride!

Find some hobbies that make you happy! They can do wonders for your mental health. Not only can they help you relax and unwind, but they can also help you expand your social circle and make friends with like-minded people. This will gradually help you overcome your social anxiety and boost your self-confidence. Relax and take it easy! Life is full of uncertainties, and the unknown is also the charm of life, right?

I really hope you find the love of your life! And I also hope you live a really happy, fulfilling life.

Good day. I am Bai Li Yina, the individual who will respond to your inquiry. It is my hope that my response will provide you with a sense of warmth and assistance.

The questioner revealed that she has reached the age at which marriage is typically considered appropriate. However, due to the rejection of her confession, she has developed self-doubt and concerns about the future of her marriage. She is experiencing anxiety and distress. What adjustments should she make?

[Situation analysis]

The questioner is notably proficient in both age and education. She speaks and acts with a clear mind, has a vision for her future, and, despite her introversion, she still exhibits the courage to confess her feelings. When she encounters trouble, she reflects on it and communicates with friends and her mother. From these behaviors, it can be inferred that the outstanding you has not yet encountered an individual with whom to share your exceptional qualities. In the waiting for the unknown, you feel lost and anxious, and the future is like a fog, making you feel hopeless and miserable. Let us examine the reasons for your suffering:

1. Introverted personality, poor interpersonal skills with the opposite sex, and a limited social circle. This is the current situation, and you have not yet entered the workplace. However, based on your social anxiety, you do not have high expectations for the environment you will face in the future or the people you will meet.

2. Despite mustering the courage to confess one's love, the individual in question was rejected. This rejection has led to doubts about one's own merits. The individual in question feels that their appearance does not meet the standards of men, which has led to concerns about their future romantic situation. However, it is important to note that being rejected does not necessarily indicate that one is not outstanding. It is possible that the other person does not believe that one is the right person for them. This could be due to a lack of understanding or a lack of courage to start a relationship. However, these are not issues that can be attributed to the individual in question. Therefore, it is essential not to doubt oneself.

3. After the age of 25, it is perceived that even if one attends a blind date, it is unlikely that a compatible partner will be found. Furthermore, if a relationship is established, it may not withstand the test of time. Consequently, there is a concern that if one remains single at the age of 29, they may be perceived as an older woman who has been left behind. This fear can lead to feelings of sadness.

[Think about some questions]

1. Please describe your self-perception. What qualities do you find most appealing in yourself?

What are the characteristics you seek in a friend of the opposite sex? Is physical attractiveness a prerequisite?

One might posit that reading a book would be a superior alternative. Is it more beneficial to come from a good family? Alternatively, can one simply do it if they feel like it?

2. Have you ever conceived of the most gratifying conclusion to your expectations? Do you aspire to enter into a romantic relationship in the hope of finding a partner or in anticipation of the beauty of love?

One must consider whether the pressure is social or a personal pursuit.

[Recommended Methods to Try]

1. Prioritize your immediate expectations. For instance, if you aspire to become a better person, irrespective of whether this is driven by a desire for romantic love, you can pursue this goal by aligning your actions with your expectations. This approach can alleviate your concerns and transform your longing for love into a source of motivation to become a more admirable individual.

2. One can modify the aspects of one's current life that are unsatisfactory within the scope of one's capabilities, thereby reducing anxiety about the future by achieving satisfaction with one's present circumstances.

It is my hope that the aforementioned methods will prove beneficial to you.

It is important to note that change often requires time and patience. It is also crucial to understand that many individuals have experienced or are currently experiencing similar challenges.

You are not alone in this endeavour. I extend my best wishes for the swift resolution of your difficulties and the attainment of a state of personal comfort.

I would like to express my gratitude to those who have expressed approval and provided feedback. I extend my best wishes for peace and joy.

Hello, question asker! It's a pleasure meeting you. I'm so lucky to be able to read your story, and I'm excited to explore this issue of love and anxiety together.

"You're 24 years old, introverted, not good at communicating with the opposite sex, rather homebound, and have never been in love." But this year is your year of the ox! So why not make this year a new beginning, starting with meeting a new you and a new person?

You're an introvert, which just means you're more comfortable on your own. Maybe you spent a lot of time and energy on your studies in the past. You're currently a second-year postgraduate student, and I think you're doing great!

- It's totally understandable that you felt sad and fell into internal conflict after being rejected. It's never easy to experience that kind of rejection, especially when it's after you've been brave enough to make a confession. It's so admirable that you adjusted and tried to analyze the reasons behind it. It's great that you actively searched for an answer! You mentioned that it was based on your personality and the small graduate student circle. I can relate to that! I'm also a social phobia, so I understand how the circle could feel even smaller. It's natural to feel like you can only meet someone through a matchmaker after experiencing that. On the other hand, you mentioned that the painful experience of pursuing someone made you have a clearer understanding of yourself. I can relate to that too! I've experienced that too. It's so true that appearance is an important condition that many guys value. As you analyzed it, you mentioned that it was your personality on the one hand and your appearance on the other. To describe it in one word, you need to cultivate both inside and out. I think that's so true!

I couldn't agree with you more! It's so important to recognize our own shortcomings before we can start working on them.

I totally get it. I still feel a bit inferior and a bit anxious about the uncertainty of the future. There are so many things that can make you anxious, like age anxiety, employment anxiety, and anxiety about choosing a spouse. It's totally normal to have these kinds of worries, especially at this age.

There's a lovely saying that goes, "Twenty-four years old is a special age, as far away from eighteen as it is from thirty." It's such a wonderful age, isn't it? It's right between childhood and adulthood, and it's a time when you can do so many things and choose how you want to be.

"But marriage requires prudence, either it's luck, fate meeting the right person, or it takes time. But fate is an uncertain thing, and it's really hard to say for sure. It's another uncertain factor, and it may take time and effort to keep making choices..."

1. Absolutely! Marriage does require a certain level of caution.

2. Love and marriage require luck. This might not be entirely true, though. There's a saying that the kind of person you are determines the kind of person you will attract, so who knows what the future holds!

There's no such thing as luck or fate, so don't worry! You just need to work on both the inside and the outside as mentioned above. You can try to actively pursue it and create opportunities.

Or you can just take a deep breath and keep waiting for that special someone with similar interests to come along.

3. I can tell you're feeling anxious, and you keep emphasizing the importance of spending time. So I'd love to know if you've set any goals for yourself?

For example, what tasks do you want to complete within a certain number of months, such as meeting a new man?

You might want to think about trying the following:

1. Expand your social circle: There are so many ways to do this! Try participating in social activities such as going on group trips, joining social clubs, volunteering, etc. You'll meet so many new people and increase your chances of making friends!

2. Meet people online: There are so many great ways to find potential partners online! You can try using media platforms like school confession walls or other platforms that can help you connect with other people and expand your social circle.

Just a friendly word of advice: be careful about safety on these online platforms.

3. Change your lifestyle: Try new hobbies or activities that will allow you to meet people with similar interests. For example, you could join a local sports club, learn a new skill, or join an interest group.

4. Stay positive! Don't let your age or single status make you feel anxious or inferior. Believe in your own value and charm, and stay positive, as this will make you more attractive!

5. Have you ever thought about matchmaking? I noticed you mentioned it above. If you feel like your circle of friends could use a little more variety, you might want to think about meeting new people through matchmaking.

Believe me, the most important thing is not to see being single as a defect or failure. It's actually a wonderful opportunity for growth and self-discovery! Stay positive, you are such a wonderful girl, and I truly believe you will meet the right person at the right time.

Here's to taking action and seeing results, and may our lives be filled with happiness from here on out!

Hello there!

Hi, I'm Liu, your heart exploration coach!

It's totally normal to feel anxious when we're uncertain about the future. We all know that the future is unpredictable, and it's only natural to feel a bit scared of the unknown.

That's why we use the past as a reference, analyze from the perspective of reality, combine what we have and what we lack, try to figure out what will happen next as best we can, and find some solutions. We're like standing in the middle of a chess game, not just looking at the immediate move, but also trying to predict the next 5 or even 10 moves!

And when we analyze various paths and find that they cannot be solved or even predicted, we might feel a little confused and worried. If we put "marriage" into this dimension, self-doubt and anxiety about the unknown might affect our psychological state.

First, it seems like you're looking for a partner who's a good match for you. I can tell you've been working hard to find that person!

From your writing, I can see that you have a very strong logical expression and clear thinking, which is really great!

I can see that you've made some great changes in the face of problems. It's so admirable that you actively adjust yourself when your mentality fluctuates. It's not easy to do, but you've got this! I want you to know that you have a strong inner strength, which is your self-resource.

It's totally normal to feel sad when you're pursuing others and it's not working out. But you're so brave for showing your heart! This will lead to further thinking, such as the limitations of your future dating methods, as well as self-deprecation and improvement of your appearance.

How can you become the best version of yourself?

You've never given up exploring, and that's a great thing!

So, you see, you're a wonderful person. You're working hard to become the best version of yourself. You're improving your education and gaining so much knowledge. Who knows, maybe you'll find a career that's perfect for you and have more financial freedom. You're constantly investing in yourself, and that's so great! When you become the best version of yourself, your other half will naturally appear as well.

Secondly, we all know that relationships can be unpredictable, and it's natural to be afraid of the worst-case scenario.

If this is an exam, we can study hard and do our best. We might not get full marks, but at least we can feel at ease. We all long to feel that we are prepared. If this is a research topic, we can make the independent variable, dependent variable, control variable, and even the moderating variable and mediating variable as clear as possible. We can at least find a way through.

But this is just emotion, sweetheart.

You brought up the words "older" and "consume."

I totally get it. What makes you anxious is the cost in time.

It's the fear of loneliness and the fear of being marginalized.

As you mentioned in the second half, it's hard to say with 100% certainty that a relationship is completely under control. It might end without a trace, and then you'll meet someone else, and there will be more to sort out... Time can't be turned back. Of all the things we can see, the one we know best is "time." I totally get your fear. If this is a chess game with no guaranteed outcome, and if you keep wasting time, you might end up being left behind, losing the prime stage for choosing a partner, and unable to face the worst possible outcome, so you'll get caught in a quagmire.

3. I just want to say that my suggestions are just my personal opinions and I can't replace any decisions you make, but I really hope they can be a helpful reference for you!

(1) We may have to learn to accept things that are beyond our control, but that's okay!

It's so important to be able to be content with whatever life brings our way. It's easier said than done, though, isn't it? Even if we do our best in the topic of "marriage," there's still a risk of failure. And it may not be your fault. Accepting this reality often brings new perspectives.

It's true that we all want to live our best lives and avoid making mistakes. We want to make the most of every moment and not waste any time. So, it's only natural that we want to avoid losing out on love and happiness in our romantic relationships. After all, we've all heard those heartfelt sighs of regret throughout the ages!

But if it's a tricky one, we can always try to accept it calmly, can't we?

Since it's something we can't control, it's good to ask ourselves again and again.

(2) When we realize that this is a "confusion" for which we cannot get a clear answer for the time being, what we can do is to be the best version of ourselves. It's okay if we can't withstand the torrent of time. We can still ensure that even if the worst happens, we will have the opportunity to deal with it calmly.

Absolutely! Everything takes time.

When we don't feel safe, it's hard to love ourselves fully in the moment. It's only natural to hope for a brighter future, to be loved, supported, recognized, and appreciated.

And if we can't get the recognition we need, we might find ourselves in a bit of a pickle in our relationships.

If we spend too much time worrying about the future, we'll miss out on the magic of the present. Let's make the most of the here and now! It's all we have control over, and it's where we find our sense of security.

I know it can be tough, but try your best to complete your studies seriously. Embrace the magic of knowledge and make some changes that will make you happy! Think about things like having a neat appearance, good health, and a good figure. You can do it!

And then,

You are wonderful just the way you are! Learn to appreciate yourself as you are.

(3) It's so important to remember that you shouldn't fall in love out of loneliness, and that you shouldn't try to find someone just because you're afraid of being left behind. If we hold such a mentality, it will affect our judgment.

Don't worry, nothing is set in stone at this point!

Who knows? Maybe you'll meet someone who makes your heart race the next moment, or maybe you'll meet someone you want to get to know after work, or maybe you'll meet an interesting partner on a blind date. Anything is possible!

It's so important to remember that the way we perceive the world and interpret it affects our perception. If we keep catastrophizing, this "catastrophizing assumption" may lead to our learned helplessness. We should try not to hastily and negatively define the future that has not yet happened.

So, it's really important to have a positive outlook. If you can, talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling. Or, you could speak to a professional psychologist. It's so important to look after yourself and give yourself lots of love and care.

I hope this helps! This is my entire answer.

I really hope you're doing well!

Hi, I'm Liu Quanyan, a psychological counselor at One Mind.

Please, don't hesitate to talk to me.

Hello, It's natural to have concerns about the future, especially when you're facing new challenges. Many people at this stage of life have similar worries. Here are some tips to help you adjust your current mindset:

Self-acceptance: Get to know yourself, your strengths and your weaknesses. Everyone has their own unique set of characteristics, and that's a good thing.

Based on that, try to develop a positive mindset about yourself. Believe that you can gradually improve and grow.

Value diversity. It's important to understand that a person's value doesn't depend solely on appearance. It also depends on inner qualities, character, and talents. The characteristics you mentioned, such as being introverted, not good at communicating with the opposite sex, and being more of a homebody, don't mean that you are worthless or unworthy of love.

It's a good idea to explore and develop your interests, talents, and strengths so you can become more diverse and rich.

It's important to expand your social circle, even though postgraduate life can sometimes feel a bit monotonous. There are lots of ways to meet new people and the opposite sex, such as attending academic events, social gatherings, and volunteering.

You can also try using social software or dating platforms to expand your social circle.

Keep a positive attitude. Don't let past failures affect your self-confidence. We've all failed at something at some point. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes and face new challenges with a positive attitude.

Have confidence in yourself and your future. A positive outlook will help you to stand out.

It's a great idea to plan carefully for the future. You're focusing on your studies and career, which is very wise. With careful planning and hard work, you can create a better future for yourself.

It's also important to learn to relax and not let anxiety and stress affect the quality of your life.

It's also a good idea to communicate with family and friends. They can provide support and understanding, as well as advice and help you adjust your mindset.

At the end of the day, being an older single woman isn't a derogatory term. We all have our own rhythm and choices in life. The key is to learn to accept and respect your own choices and not let other people's opinions and judgments affect your life.

I truly believe you will be able to find your own happiness.

Hello, classmate. I see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to support you!

I agree with your parents' advice: you're still studying for a postgraduate degree, so it's best to wait until you've graduated and have a job to settle down before getting involved in a relationship.

The main reason is that you're still studying and your circle of friends of the opposite sex is relatively small.

Once you start working, you'll meet a lot of new people.

When the time comes and you're looking for a job, many companies will regularly hold networking events. If there are any, I'd encourage you to participate.

As you said yourself, things like falling in love and getting married depend on luck and fate.

My mother used to say, "Marriage is all about fate. What is meant to be yours will be yours, and no one can take it away. What is not meant to be yours will not be yours, and even if it is yours for a while, it will eventually slip away."

You said you're not happy with your appearance. Why not?

It could be that you don't think your figure is attractive.

But in reality, when dating a woman, many men place a higher value on her personality.

I'd also suggest reading more books in your spare time, especially books on psychology. This will really help to improve your temperament.

Once you've worked on your temperament, you'll find it easier to attract boys.

You haven't found the right person for you yet, but I'm sure you will in your lifetime.

I really hope you can find a solution to this problem soon.

That's all I have to say for now.

I hope my response was helpful and inspiring. I'm here to help, and I study hard every day.

Best wishes from all of us here at Yixinli!

Thanks, and have a great day!

Hello! Thanks so much for asking this question and sharing your concerns with us. I totally get it — it's really tough to be in such a state of anxiety. Sending you lots of hugs!

Secondly, let's sort it out together, my friend.

There are so many reasons why you might be struggling to find a partner. It could be a number of things, like compatibility, fate, or other factors that are out of your control.

It's okay, it's complicated! Try not to blame yourself if you're struggling to find a partner.

If we blame ourselves for not finding a partner, it can make us feel powerless.

Next, let's take a look at how we can better adjust our state of mind, my friend.

First of all, falling in love is actually a very relaxed and enjoyable state. It's so important to remember that the more relaxed our physical and mental state, the more likely we are to be in a relatively sunny and positive state, which is more attractive.

Second, it's so important to embrace your anxieties. It's totally normal to have them right now. It's not easy, and it's so easy to feel anxious.

But when we see anxiety, we shouldn't think too much about it, because issues in a relationship still need to be resolved in the relationship, not through thinking.

It's so easy to think that if we just think about it ourselves, if we just become better in every way, then other people will like us. But this is not necessarily the case. Even if many conditions match up and we go on a blind date, we still might not meet someone we like.

It's true that whether two people get along or are attracted to each other depends on fate or some mutual understanding. It's not easy to say that you'll like someone just by matching conditions. There are many people who are good in all aspects, but it's difficult for them to enter into an intimate relationship.

So, why not try to calm down, plan your life well, do what you need to do, learn and work, accept yourself more, enjoy every day, and strike a balance between work and rest, without being overly anxious?

When you notice your anxiety, just go back to what you are doing at the moment and do what you need to do. This way, you'll make the most of every day! There may be an underlying expectation that you will find a partner, but this is not your goal.

Your goal is just to live each day well. When you quietly grow and flourish like trees and flowers, believe me, one day the bees will come!

Everything happens naturally, my friend. Just enjoy life in the present! Go for it! You're the best, and you'll succeed! Believe in yourself, and good luck!

Dear questioner, My name is Duoduo Lian, and I hope my reply can support you in any way I can!

It's totally normal to feel anxious about everything going on in your life right now. It's a time when many people your age are facing similar challenges. Some people decide not to get married, some do but don't want to have children, and some don't want to work. Some people rely on their parents for support. You're not alone in this! There are plenty of people around you who are going through similar things.

You were once rejected by a friend, and you believed that your appearance was not ideal, which had a great impact on you. I know you see only part of yourself, but I see so much more! I see a motivated graduate student with plans for your future, plans to get married, and the determination to change yourself. You have already surpassed many people!

People are shaped by their surroundings. Even if your social circle is small, it's full of gifted individuals. It's totally normal to feel afraid of being rejected by others. You've had that experience before, and it's natural to feel rejected. Is it really because you're not good enough?

Could it be that the other person doesn't feel worthy of you, or that they feel too familiar?

It's totally normal to worry about becoming an older spinster. I know I have! The reality is that the people around me have subverted my imagination. Second marriages are better than first marriages, but what have they achieved? If you worry that you won't find a good partner, living in fear, doubt, and denial, can you get the happiness you want?

If you are blooming, the butterflies will come! Do you agree? With a good mood, a complete personality, and a broad knowledge base, you will attract many friends and make yourself the master of your life. You have the right to choose without limits, and you must realize that your life is your own.

You're so clear about what's most important in the moment, and you follow your own rhythm. Life is about experience. We all know that thinking can sometimes get in the way, but doing is what gets things done! Look at the people around you who have achieved results, learn from their strengths and weaknesses, and you'll be able to do it too!

I really do wish you the very best!

I'll give you a hug and tell you what I think.

1. I'm 24 and have never been in love. I'm an introvert who's not good at communicating with the opposite sex. We don't know how to talk about love. We're passive and cautious when communicating with the opposite sex. We feel constrained and find it difficult to be true to ourselves.

I had a crush on a male classmate. I felt comfortable with him and didn't hold back. I confessed my feelings, proving girls can be brave. It's often harder for introverts to confess than extroverts. When it fails, the hurt is worse. That's why I was emo for a long time, doubting myself. We need to learn to comfort ourselves. Maybe the other person doesn't like us, maybe they have a girlfriend, maybe they don't want to fall in love. There could be many reasons for a failed confession. We shouldn't just look for the problem in ourselves.

3. Graduate students are a small group. Most of them are focused on self-improvement. They study a lot and don't date until they've finished their studies. Some of them study with their partners.

Not knowing what the future holds makes us anxious.

It's tough to find a job. We worry about the present but not the future.

4. The right partner is a lifelong matter.

Love is unpredictable. You can't be too careful. Sometimes, career and love can coexist. When you're anxious about finding a partner, it's natural to worry about becoming an older single woman. As you age, anxiety increases and options become limited. Boys often choose partners who are younger. Dating is uncertain, but finishing school is a certainty. Focus on the things you can control, and you'll find a silver lining.

5. Parents and friends are right. You'll think about other things when you have a job. I'm 28 and I haven't found a better job since graduating. My job is unstable, and I'm anxious. My hair is falling out. I want a better job. When you have a job, you won't worry about money. People will find you a partner, and you'll have love and stability.

6. Relax and study. Find a job after you finish school.

Once you decide, things will get better.

Good luck!

I am gratified to have the opportunity to respond to your inquiry, and I hope that my insights will prove beneficial to you.

[On the experience of rejection]

It can be argued that the sooner one experiences rejection, the more effectively one can learn to coexist with reason and emotion, thereby better preparing for future intimate relationships and marriage. This approach may be more responsible than suddenly falling in love and losing oneself in the process.

[Provide support while encouraging the pursuit of one's aspirations and the guidance of one's heart]

"It is not merely about dating the opposite sex; it is also about experiencing an improvement in one's external spirit."

If one finds oneself attracted to another individual, it is advisable to express one's feelings. Conversely, if one does not feel the same way, it is important to love oneself. There is no inherent harm in either of these actions, and one can seek support from others without reservation.

I recall a narrative about a kitten that inquired of its mother, "Where is happiness?" The mother responded, "Happiness is situated at the end of your tail." Consequently, the kitten persisted in pursuing its tail, operating under the assumption that it was pursuing happiness. However, it was unable to apprehend the elusive entity.

"My child, happiness does not need to be pursued," said your mother with a smile. "Observe, you are currently fatigued. When you cease pursuing happiness, it will be right behind you, displaying its presence proudly."

Happiness is a state of being that one can achieve without actively pursuing it.

[Happiness manifests in various forms]

Some individuals marry at an early age, while others do so at a later point. There is no necessity to engage in comparisons or to experience envy.

Such impatience will inevitably yield the opposite result.

Those who are happy are inclined to live in the moment. It is a commonly held belief that happiness attracts happiness.

I recommend a book called The Good Life Operation Guide. It can be read when one is experiencing anxiety. Upon reading it, one will come to understand that the wheel of life encompasses more than just relationships and careers. It also encompasses a sense of purpose, leisure and entertainment, finances, health, and so forth. If one were to direct their excess energy toward their true stage—which is a broader and more encompassing stage—they would likely feel more in control of their life. Furthermore, they would likely perceive the gears of fate turning.

It can be reasonably assumed that the other half is also approaching.

This is the entirety of the information I wish to convey. I wish you the utmost success, and extend my sincerest regards to the world.

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan, and I'm a counselor at the Jingliu school.

From the description of the questioner, I can feel the anxiety and unease, but also the excitement and anticipation of what the future holds. At this stage in life, it is normal to feel confused and overwhelmed by the many pressures that come with studies, careers, and relationships.

We can't always give the questioner an exact answer, but we can definitely help them find the best choice for their situation! We'll analyze the situation the questioner is facing based on their situation and help them make the best decision.

Since the question was asked on a platform, we can't go into too much detail, but we're happy to give you some analysis and suggestions!

Self-acceptance is the foundation of self-confidence! Regarding the questioner's inferiority complex about appearance, it's time to accept and like yourself from the inside.

Appearance is not the only thing that matters! What's more important is a person's inner qualities and personal charm. If you want to be more attractive, start working on your inner self and self-confidence!

Everyone has their own unique charm, and a true partner will absolutely appreciate the inside and outside of the questioner!

Take an objective view of love! The questioner has encountered some setbacks in their relationship, but don't be discouraged. Everyone's romantic experiences are different, and some people may need more time and opportunities to find the right person for them.

You will find someone who values you! Keep a positive attitude and focus on your current studies and personal development.

Improving yourself is a great way to boost your career, boost your self-confidence, and make you more attractive!

Expand your social circle! You can try joining some interest groups or social activities, which can help you meet new people and possibly even a potential partner. There is no need to force yourself to be outgoing; you can simply step out of your comfort zone and interact with people little by little.

Don't worry about your age! Society may sometimes pressure or expect certain things of us, but the most important thing is to choose a path that makes you happy.

The questioner could even find the love of their life or a partner with similar interests by joining a hobby group!

Take a rational view of matchmaking! It's a great way to meet new people, and there's no need to feel any pressure about it. Think of it as an opportunity to meet new people, not necessarily to find a marriage partner. Who knows what exciting things the future holds?

There's so much more to life than marriage! The questioner should never let it become the standard by which they measure their personal value. What's really important is to find a partner with whom they have a great understanding and support, shared interests, and mutual respect. And it's so much more fulfilling than just finding someone based on age or other external conditions!

Focus on the present! You may be torn between your relationship and your current studies, but it is very important to focus on your current studies. The postgraduate stage is an important period for accumulating knowledge and improving your abilities. Please cherish this opportunity and work hard to improve your professional knowledge and practical abilities. You've got this!

The main focus of the questioner at the moment is to complete their studies, and they're loving every minute of it! Focusing on their studies is more beneficial to the questioner's current situation, otherwise they'll be caught in a dilemma.

It's time to start thinking about your future career! The questioner's concerns about employment are understandable. Nowadays, many companies have higher and higher requirements for talent year by year, and jobs are indeed not as easy to find as they used to be. But there are plenty of ways to gain the experience you need to succeed! It is recommended that the questioner actively participate in internships and campus recruitment activities while studying to understand industry trends and market demand.

And there's more! You can also seek help and advice from your mentor, classmates, or career planners to develop a career plan that suits you.

Seek support: Don't be afraid to reach out to your family and friends for support and understanding. They're there for you! The future may be full of uncertainties, but you can face any challenge head-on with a positive and open mind.

The questioner can maintain excellent communication with family and friends, who are the closest supporters of the questioner. Sharing your worries and confusion with them and listening to their advice and encouragement will make the questioner feel warmer and more determined—and they'll feel the same way about you!

Managing emotions: The question asker should definitely try to learn to relax and reduce stress! There are so many great relaxation techniques out there, such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing. These can help you stay calm and relaxed in a busy and stressful life.

Learning relaxation techniques is a great way to reduce anxiety! If negative emotions such as anxiety are seriously affecting your daily life, it's a fantastic idea to seek professional psychological help from a counselor or psychologist. These professionals are there to help you deal with your negative emotions!

Your life path is unique, and there's no fixed template! Don't compare too much or worry about what other people think. Your life is yours to live, so live it your way!

The most important thing is to find a lifestyle that suits you. It doesn't matter if you're single or married, it should be your own inner choice. You will find your own happiness and satisfaction!

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

Hello, I'm Yu, a heart exploration coach, and I'm going to discuss this topic with you.

Let's start with low self-esteem. Adler, the great individual psychologist, said that everyone has a sense of inferiority because we all want to make ourselves better and lead a better life.

It is important to understand that when we feel inferior because of unconscious comparisons, which in turn breeds negative emotions, a negative self-image will slowly form. If we do not vent and express our negative emotions in time, our self-evaluation will become lower and lower. This will result in us paying more attention to the voices and comments of others, and our shortcomings and deficiencies will be magnified. We may even completely deny ourselves, which will lead to cognitive, emotional, and out-of-control behaviors.

As the original poster wrote, introverts are not good at communicating with the opposite sex and prefer to stay at home. They are a bit socially anxious and feel that they can only meet potential partners through matchmaking services. However, they can take control of this by recognizing that fate is an uncertain factor and that it can take a long time, and it will get more and more difficult as time goes by. All of this may be caused by subconscious negative emotions, leading to anxiety and self-blame.

The inferiority complex that plagues people is often not "objective facts," but "subjective interpretations." We worry about becoming an older spinster because we have already set up scenarios in our minds like "I'm introverted and socially anxious" and "I'm not good-looking."

Anxiety and worry simply lead us deeper into our hearts and reveal our true selves.

Ask yourself, "What is my ideal self like?" and "What are her qualities?"

Praise your own merits in the mirror and accumulate a sense of confidence.

We must also collect feedback in actual actions, gradually improve self-confidence, and try to do things we previously wanted to avoid and retreat from. This includes participating in some campus group activities with classmates, especially inviting some boys, or having a reunion with middle school and university classmates, and also deliberately inviting some male classmates. Then feel the results and feedback from others. If the feedback is indeed positive, you can give yourself some rewards in time, such as a delicious meal or a weekend outing. In this way, you can improve your practical ability and accumulate a sense of confidence through real actions.

Let's talk about emotions. Emotions are made up of three things: unique subjective experiences, external manifestations, and physiological arousal. Each emotion is the result of an unmet internal demand. When we miss the opportunity for a promotion or pay rise, we feel sad. When we lose a treasured possession that we have kept for many years, we feel angry.

As the original poster wrote, I'm worried and anxious. I'm anxious about not finding a partner and becoming an older woman alone.

Ask yourself: What about me is worried about the uncertainty of the future? What about me is worried about the time-consuming nature of blind dates?

Don't worry about finding a partner. What do you want?

Ask yourself this: if the anxious feelings at this moment could speak, what would they say to us?

All emotions are neither good nor bad in themselves. When we are aware of anxious and worried emotions, we can and should record what our feelings are at the moment or give the emotions at the moment a name. Your writing is only for yourself, so write about your feelings honestly and openly. This will help us understand the origin and impact of emotions and also help us clarify the root of the problem.

Seek help if you need it. It's not easy to overcome this on your own. Find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support. If you feel the need, find a counselor. You need to express your emotions to relieve the heaviness and blockage in your heart.

Finally, let's talk about loving yourself. Start by caring for yourself, taking care of your body, and getting to know your feelings. At the same time, objectively evaluate yourself.

We can change ourselves because we always have the right to choose. We can be socially anxious introverts, but we don't have to be. We can say to ourselves in the mirror every day, "Hi, you're great, and I'm pretty good too, let's talk!"

You should spend more time cultivating your interests and hobbies. This will enhance your inner self and prepare you for developing intimate relationships.

It's crucial to prioritize relaxation, even when you're busy with studies or job hunting. Take deep breaths, go outdoors, listen to the frogs, and smell the flowers. Connect with your true self and embrace real life. You always have a choice.

You should live a life that blossoms.

Hello, question asker!

Your question made me happy. You're 24 and in your second year of graduate school, so you're thinking about dating and marriage. You're responding to the call of the state, and I applaud you for it!

You have another admirable quality: when you found a suitable junior high school boy, you bravely confessed your feelings and went after your own happiness. This courage is also admirable, even though it was not successful for the time being. Perhaps it was not your destiny. For an introverted person like you, being able to do something so decisively shows that you have a lot of strength inside.

I believe that male classmate might regret not accepting your confession one day. The future is uncertain, and you might even laugh at yourself for being silly for thinking that that male classmate was nowhere near as good as the Prince Charming you later met.

By confessing, you gained valuable experience. You realized you are not as confident as you'd like to be. You are working hard to change this, and this is where you have gained experience and grown from your courageous confession.

You're thinking about it a lot and talking about it with your mom and friends. You're trying to figure out how you can do well in school and fall in love at the same time. You're worrying a little too much right now, but we know that having anxiety can motivate us to move forward. We just need to be careful not to go overboard. By asking this question, you're trying to get a handle on the situation. With your personality, you'll be able to get a good handle on it.

You've been thinking about finding the right person and paying attention to the situation around you. You're brave and will pursue your own happiness when you find a suitable person. You're also considering focusing on your studies and making them successful. You know that jobs are hard to find. These are all great things about you. Overall, you'll be able to strike the right balance.

We just need to get the balance right. I know we can do well in our studies, work, and relationships. In the future, we'll dress up nicely, look and feel our best, and go on a blind date when the time comes. Don't worry, we're only 24, there's still 5 or 6 years before we turn 30, not to mention the trend towards getting married at an older age.

There's also this saying: "It will come when you think about it." Treat this matter as important and keep thinking about him, and you will get what you want.

Live your life in a way that shows you truly love, and you will find someone who is right for you and will be by your side soon. You will succeed. Good luck, and time and I love you!