Are you a girl who doesn't want to admit it and doesn't trust men?

Hello. I can see you're in pain, but you're also strong. It's hard to face confusion when you're ignored. I'd like to talk about my understanding from a psychological perspective.

If a girl is ignored and bound by concepts, she will be confused about her identity. Her gender is visible, but her self-identity affects how she becomes herself. Who am I?

Am I a man or a woman? How do I form close relationships?

This will cause confusion.

First, talk about who you are. You're older now, and you know who you want to become.

People naturally secrete both male and female hormones. You can be gentle, tomboyish, strong, or weak. This is all allowed, as long as you decide for yourself.

Second, who do you identify with? Your parents may value boys over girls, but they can still be a resource. They love you, and you have grown up with them. You have also grown up with their views on material life and culture. However, you can use knowledge to break through their limitations. I am a girl, and I have proven myself through hard work and study. Girls are not inferior to boys!

You can change your parents' attitude. They should try to see things differently, which will also improve your relationship with them.

Third, there's no rejection or rigidity in forming close relationships. Just follow your heart. You should have had good friends, classmates, and teachers along the way. How did you feel about forming relationships with them?

Try it.

If you're still confused, you can seek professional psychological counseling. In a safe counseling relationship, you can express pain and set goals. The psychotherapist can support you and help you establish a sense of identity. Find your intimate relationship, start a new journey of self-discovery, and remember that the world and I love you. Good luck!

My dear, your question reminds me of my past. In the past, everyone called me "little brother."

You're smart for recognizing your issues at 20. Your family of origin makes you reluctant to admit your weaknesses and afraid of losing to boys. I didn't see it until my 30s!

Not being submissive is not bad. I'm glad I'm safe and healthy. I'm grateful for who I was.

You don't trust men. Do you distrust boys?

If you think this is a concern for most women, you're right. It's not easy to find a guy who is devoted to you, but they do exist. If you meet him, great. If not, that's just how it is.

If you can't meet someone, there's no problem being single. If you meet a bad person, think of them as someone who's come to help you. They've appeared to make you a better person.

The third question is about not wanting to get married.

Is it because you were abused as a child and are afraid of abuse in marriage?

If so, find out about their family, spend time together, and look for someone from a happy family. You can avoid problems by doing this. Do you agree?

The fourth problem is feeling insecure and unwilling to take risks.

A woman's sense of security comes from having money. Save some money and plan for the future. Have some emergency money, money for medical treatment, and money for your old age. You will feel secure. I can't say that all men are unreliable, but if you have money, you won't have to worry about whether someone else is reliable. Does that make sense?

Question 5: I can't control how people treat me. They demand

You seem to be worried about being a woman. But I don't think you're actually afraid of being a woman. You think women aren't taken seriously or recognized. You think they can even be bullied. Is that right?

This will affect your whole life, not just your marriage, but also your career. But this is not your problem. You have to find a way to heal your childhood trauma and give yourself more affirmation. This path may be a little longer, but I believe you can get through it.

When you're anxious, restless, or fearful, recognize the emotion and accept it.

The book "Meeting the Unknown Self" has detailed methods you can try. I wish you happiness.

One is a reflection on the status of women, and the other is how to view the concept of marriage from a female perspective. From your experience and knowledge, you need to think about your own thoughts and not be bound by your family. First of all, even from a macroscopic social perspective, people view women as a vulnerable group and place a high status on men. This is a historical issue that has been around for thousands of years. Not only in Chinese families, but all over the world, there has been such a distinction. We need to look at ourselves and think about problems from a human perspective.

Psychology is the study of human nature. For this reason, the concept of equality is of great importance. We are equal, and this has nothing to do with gender. When we talk about weakening the female group, we must remember that not only are women weakened, but also the "effeminate" men are criticized and disliked. Our biological sex is not the key to being weakened. This is a complex issue that cannot be solved with a simple answer. I will not discuss it further.

Women are burdened with too many demands, but men are not exempt. In fact, there are many demands on men as well. The progress of society has increased the original demands on women. They are now expected to be good wives and mothers, in addition to having a good job. Men, on the other hand, have not seen an increase in demands, but rather a lowering of the bar. They are expected to not commit domestic violence, not have extramarital affairs, and not have any principled problems. These are the fundamentals of being a person. This has led to a change in women's views on marriage and their fear of marriage.

You are not alone in your concerns. Many women face similar issues. Don't let your family of origin influence your decisions. You have the right to be yourself, to have your own marriage and life. Many women are seeking solutions to the same problems you are.

First, you need to adjust your mentality and do some self-reflection to see what makes you not want to admit that you are a woman. One reason is that you feel like a man, not a woman. You can undergo physiological changes to unify your biological and psychological genders. Another reason is that life has made you feel that being a girl is not good, so you don't want to be one. This requires later self-cognition adjustment. You can like a neutral style and be cool and handsome, which does not prevent you from being a girl. You are just you, and it has nothing to do with whether you are a man or a woman.

Second, let's talk about marriage. You don't trust men or marriage because of problems in your family of origin.

Let's consider another perspective: not as a woman, but as a human being. If we are good at what we do, have a good state of health, a stable job, our own life plan, and will not be influenced by any external factors in the future to do what we like and should do, even if it is our parents, husband, or children, they cannot make us change.

When we have these things, we don't have to worry about meeting a bad marriage. We can still live our lives well, take care of our parents, and raise our children well. Without depending on our husbands and the piece of paper that is marriage, we are free.

Marriage is just the icing on the cake at this moment in life.

I want all women to be able to be themselves and achieve in any field. When they become great people in the future, they won't add a woman to their title (such as female writer, female entrepreneur, female pilot). They'll just have a simple professional name.

Hello, question asker. My name is Evan.

The questioner shared that from an early age, he was constantly being taught that men are superior to women, which has led him to have some reservations about his own gender and even distrust men to a certain extent. These views were influenced by the original family, and the questioner himself has also recognized this.

In the description, the questioner mentioned that when she was a child, she was not willing to lose to men and even expected to be a man. As she grows older, she feels the need to face marriage, and she is experiencing some internal conflicts that she is having difficulty reconciling.

I wonder if the questioner has ever considered why their family values boys over girls and who may have instilled these ideas in them. When the questioner realized that their family only liked boys and they were a girl, did they feel powerless and develop a sense of confrontation?

It is possible that the questioner is experiencing a conflict between recognizing the status of men and recognizing the status of women. This conflict may be leading to a sense of powerlessness and subsequent projection of disgust onto the recognition of men. It would be beneficial for the questioner to engage in careful self-awareness to better understand these feelings.

It would seem that the original poster once envied the status of men so much that she even developed a rebellious and unwilling-to-lose mentality. Could it be that these are the original poster's rebellions against some perceived oppression? It might be worth considering whether this former envy also reflects the kind of disrespect and lack of recognition that women face in society.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why men were so highly valued in the past. Was valuing men a normal phenomenon in the original family in the past?

It is often the case that men represent productivity or the ability of a family to survive.

In the past, men were often seen as the representatives of strength, and their input was often considered to be more valuable for productivity. As a result, it is understandable that men are more respected and admired in status. These patriarchal ideas have remained in the original family and often affect the children born in the family. Often, these views that value men are more a characteristic of the times.

These views may inadvertently place undue pressure on women and potentially cause them harm. However, I believe that with the advancement of times, in many instances, machines have begun to assume some of the roles traditionally held by men, and women's roles in many industries have gradually expanded to become more prominent than men's. The status of girls is gradually catching up with that of boys.

I would like to extend a gesture of support and encouragement to the OP, and I hope that the OP can find the strength to recognize and accept themselves. In response to the OP's question, I would like to offer a simple piece of advice:

It would be beneficial to gain an understanding of the reasons behind the family members' treatment of the questioner.

Could I respectfully inquire as to why the questioner's parents treat the questioner in this manner? What circumstances might have led to this treatment, and how might they have learned to treat their daughter based on the teachings of their own family?

Could this be a common phenomenon in China, or is the questioner the only one who has been treated this way? It would be interesting to know how parents are taught to treat their own children based on their own family background.

It would be fair to say that this model is imprinted in their hearts, and that they will bring this model into the family they form. In their minds, this is how they believe parents should treat their children.

Perhaps it would be helpful to understand the source of your family's views. This could enable you to release your emotions, treat them more calmly, and be more at ease.

At the same time, after the questioner understands that the patriarchal view upheld by the original family was a feature of a bygone era, she may gradually come to accept herself as a woman who is not inferior to men in today's society. Moreover, in today's society, the status of women has been greatly enhanced, and in many ways they are not inferior to men at all.

Take some time to reflect on how your original family has influenced you.

I believe that the original family has had an impact on the questioner, perhaps in two ways. Firstly, it has led her to recognise the status of men as women. Secondly, it has prompted her to challenge some of the more unreasonable views that exist in society.

I believe it would be beneficial to the questioner to understand that while gender is not easily changeable, the status of women can be significantly enhanced through dedicated effort. Some long-standing stereotypes can also be altered. When confronted with the influence of one's family of origin, it might be helpful to document these ideas, identify the thinking habits they have introduced to the questioner, and examine the ideas they have shaped, as well as their impact on the questioner. This process could be beneficial.

It might be helpful for the questioner to consider which views are no longer appropriate in this society, or which views no longer fit in with the current society. In the face of the views brought to him by his family of origin, it could be beneficial for the questioner to reflect on which ones he can improve on his own.

It might be helpful to consider getting active.

It is understandable that facing patriarchal views brought to the questioner by their family of origin may result in negative emotions. One way to resist these negative emotions is to get active.

If you're looking to shift your mood and feel more cheerful, it might be helpful to get active and spend some time outdoors. Being in nature can help you feel more relaxed and energized. Exercise is a great way to improve blood circulation, which helps your brain get the oxygen and nutrients it needs to function at its best. It can also help relieve tension in the nervous system and even release feel-good hormones. You might find that after you exercise, you feel more positive and motivated to keep moving.

It might be helpful to seek professional psychological support.

If the questioner feels that they cannot resolve their own conflicts, they may wish to consider seeking professional psychological support. I would gently suggest that the questioner might find it helpful to speak with some psychological counselors or listeners on some psychological platforms, in order to share their concerns. I believe that these professionals will be able to assist the questioner in considering the impact that certain views of their family of origin have had on them, and in learning to address the related influences.

It might be helpful to remember that the views of a certain era were correct at the time, but that they may not be as relevant in the new era. The questioner might find it beneficial to discuss their views with a counselor or friend to gain additional support.

It might be helpful to try to accept yourself.

It might be helpful to do more of the things you like and find the goals and meaning of your life's struggle in the things you like. You might find it beneficial to accept your current state. If you don't want to get married too early, or even fear marriage, and lack security in men, you could consider allowing yourself to think clearly before considering what to do next.

It might also be helpful for the questioner to consider making themselves happy by eating something sweet. Many people find that eating sweet things makes them feel happy, and this can be a good way of boosting one's mood. It is always important to try to make oneself happy without causing harm to others.

It might be helpful to try to avoid letting negative emotions fill your life.

It is my sincere hope that my answer will prove helpful to the questioner.

Hello! I'm here to help you find peace of mind.

I'd love to hear from you!

I just read an article about Taiwanese singer Yuki Tsui, who sang "I'm a girl, a pretty girl." Isn't that a coincidence, because I was just thinking about you and your question!

She became an overnight sensation at the tender age of 20, going from "ordinary dishwasher" to "ordinary diva" and then overnight from "diva" to "poor girl." But, bless her heart, none of this destroyed her. At the age of 44, she was reborn and appeared on stage again, singing the same song "I'm a Girl," but with new lyrics: "I'm a Goddess."

Maybe after reading this, you'll feel a little confused and think, "What does this have to do with me?"

I'm so happy to tell you all about Yuki Tsui! She's an amazing example of someone who has faced challenges head-on and come out on top. You have that same courage, resilience, and refusal to admit defeat, and I admire you so much for it!

It's so sad that they've been subjected to domestic violence since childhood and have been instilled with the idea that "girls are no good, girls are pitiful, and they can't do without men." But you, who they consider "no good," refuse to admit defeat. From an early age, they imitate boys in terms of character, never losing to them, and have already achieved a modicum of success.

You said that she imitates boys in character, so I'd love to know, what is the character of a boy? And what is the character of a girl?

I'd love to know your thoughts on this: is there a difference between male and female personalities?

I'm curious, in your heart of hearts, do you think that being brave and determined is the character of a boy, while a girl is timid, weak, and cowardly?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

You said you're old enough to get married, but you're still not ready to fully embrace your identity as a woman and be treated as one. It's totally understandable! Second, you don't trust men very much, you're not keen on marriage, you feel insecure, and you're not ready to take risks.

I really do think I can understand how you feel. It must have been so hard for you to grow up in an environment where men are valued over women and where domestic violence against women is so common. It's totally understandable that it's difficult to develop a sense of trust in the opposite sex.

As a woman, you have suffered from unfair treatment since childhood because of your gender. It's so sad that you've had to resist and even hate your identity as a woman. I can only imagine how angry you must have felt, saying things like, "Why wasn't I born a boy? I hate being a girl!"

I really do think I can feel and understand the grievances, pain, powerlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, and even despair that you have endured. At the same time, I deeply admire you!

I admire your courage, your refusal to give up, your perseverance, and your belief that "my life is in my hands and not in anyone else's." You're amazing!

You've really made an impact on those who "value men over women," disrespect women, and sneer at them. It's not easy, but you've done it! It's admirable.

I'd love to know, do you still feel weak? Do you still not get the respect you deserve?

I'm so sorry you're still not being treated fairly and impartially.

You were once young and helpless, with no power to protect yourself. And now? You've come so far!

You've grown so much and become stronger, but you still don't have the strength to protect yourself?

From what you've told me, it seems like you're looking for love, but some tough experiences in the past have made you a little afraid, scared, and worried. Is that right?

You ask, "I don't know what attitude to have to get through life." Once upon a time, you were young and weak, but you were so brave! You mustered up the courage to break through the prejudices of the world and fearlessly be yourself.

I'm here to support you in answering this question: are you willing to continue being brave and true to yourself?

Take some time to think about this on your own.

Maybe you need to figure out that you are a woman, and you should be proud of that!

I really hope my answer can help you in some way. We often say that we are the experts on our own problems because only we are truly in the thick of it, have the most experience and feelings, and therefore have the most say.

And it's so great that you've come to this platform to seek help! It shows that your sense of self-growth and self-awareness has been activated, and that you are eager to make changes and become a better version of yourself.

With the motivation and drive to change, all you need to do now is give yourself time and take that brave step. It may not be easy for you, but you've always come through the difficult times, haven't you?

So, are you ready to give it a try?

Hello, question asker! I can tell you're struggling with a lot right now. It seems like things that happened during your upbringing have made you feel like you can't be a woman. You're struggling to accept your biological sex as female and see yourself as a man. It's totally understandable, but it might be hard for those around you and the general public to understand.

Many people are influenced by traditional education and there are certain standards and expectations in society for men and women. For example, men are expected to be "tough, strong, brave and responsible," and "not to shed tears easily," while women are expected to be "gentle, virtuous and good at housekeeping," and "to support their husbands and teach their children." If a man is not tough and responsible enough, he may be called a "sissy," "like a woman," or "a coward." Conversely, if a woman is not gentle, considerate and virtuous enough, she may be called a "manly woman," "a tomboy," "an outsider," etc.

Simply put, when someone's words, actions, and mannerisms don't align with social norms, they challenge people's perceptions. To them, the person becomes an incomprehensible existence. They can't accept this happening around them and will instinctively "find a way" to keep such things away from their lives. The questioner's biological sex is female, but in their hearts, they see themselves as male, living by male standards. They're not easily understood, and they may feel the questioner is "abnormal" and not accept this situation.

My view is that as long as it doesn't affect anyone else and the questioner feels it will make their life easier and happier, then they should go for it. I support the questioner's choice and willingness.

The other issue the questioner raised—distrust of men, a lack of security in marriage, and an unwillingness to take risks—all stem from the parents' marital model during the questioner's upbringing. The questioner is concerned that the parents' relationship model will become his own marital relationship model, and he will have to suffer the same pain. If the questioner wants to resolve this, he can consider finding a suitable psychological counselor for counseling. If not, he doesn't have to do counseling.

If this problem isn't resolved, it'll definitely be an obstacle for the questioner when it comes to marriage. It's up to the questioner to decide.

Hello!

Host:

After reading your post, I could see that you've been through a lot since childhood, dealing with domestic violence and the idea of son preference. But I also noticed that you've been really brave in facing yourself and seeking help on this platform. I'm sure that will help you understand and recognize yourself better, and start healing from the damage done to you by your original family.

I'd love to share my observations and thoughts in the post, which I hope will help the original poster to look at the issue from a more diverse perspective.

1. Take a moment to see how our family of origin has influenced us.

It's so sad to see that the original poster mentioned in her post that when she was a child, her family valued boys over girls and that domestic violence against women and children was commonplace. From an early age, she was constantly indoctrinated with the idea that "girls are useless, pitiful, and can't do without men."

So, in this environment, how will we be shaped as children? Let's chat about it together!

As kids, we didn't have the capacity to understand ourselves fully. We didn't have the knowledge to grasp who we were and what kind of person we were. We learned about ourselves through the feedback of our caregivers and other people in our lives.

Here, the feedback from our caregivers may have the greatest impact on us. So through this law of psychological development, we may have a deeper understanding and knowledge of ourselves.

As you mentioned in your post, it seems like you don't trust men very much, are averse to marriage, feel insecure, and are unwilling to take risks. I can see that you're aware of yourself, and I'm here to help.

When we were young, our caregivers didn't quite see us the way we saw ourselves. It's totally understandable that we might have agreed with their feedback and internalized it at the time.

It's so important to realize that these perceptions can affect us as we grow up. Even comments made by our caregivers when we were young can continue to affect us. It's sad that women's identity is often not recognized by family members, which can make it difficult for us to recognize our own identity.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on your experience of domestic violence as a child. Do you think there's a link with what you said about men being untrustworthy and the possibility of them hurting us, which makes us feel uneasy?

Take some time to think about this, host.

2. The story of a sweet girl from a family that values sons over daughters

Reading your story made me think of a story about a girl who had a similar experience to you. The girl in the story was also born into a family that valued boys over girls, although her situation may have been a little better.

However, as she grew up, she realized that her grandparents, including her own parents, liked her brother more and her less.

It's just that she has an objective perception of these things. She keeps telling herself that it's a fact that grandpa, grandma, mom, and dad like her brother better.

It's also true that they're better to their younger brother, but that's not their fault. There are lots of reasons why that might be, like culture or education. And it's also true that they like me less, but that doesn't mean I'm not good enough or that I've done anything wrong.

I love myself very much, and I think you should love yourself too!

This girl has always had this perception, and she has been learning to love and accept herself. She gave herself the love and psychological nourishment that her parents didn't give her as she grew up. She slowly came out of the influence of the patriarchal thinking and culture of her family of origin.

I'm sharing this story in the hope that it will give you some inspiration and food for thought. From a psychological point of view, there is no such thing as a perfect family of origin. The family of origin has an impact on us, but it can only affect the first half of our lives. The good news is that we can get over it later if we want to!

We can't change what happened in the past, but we can change how we think about it.

3. Give yourself a big hug!

We mentioned above that as long as we are willing, we can get out of the influence of our original family on us. So, how do we do it?

There are so many ways to do this! If you have the means, you can seek professional psychological counseling. If you don't, you can also learn about psychology on your own. Just focus on improving your own cognition, learning to understand yourself, recognizing the harm done to you by your original family, and then adjusting unreasonable cognition, etc. You'll get out of it, I promise!

And in this process, it's also important to try to love yourself and make up for your own sense of security.

I really hope these ideas will be helpful and inspiring for you! If you're interested, you can also read "Intimacy" by Huang Qituan.

We hope to provide comfort to those who have experienced complicated childhoods and are seeking emotional companionship.

First, I'd like to hear more about what happened when you were a child and how your family environment may have influenced you. You have been self-motivated and persevering in your 20s, which is admirable.

It might be helpful to seek advice from a reliable friend or organization that provides psychological counseling to release past pressures and improve your current state.

Secondly, it is worth noting that the labels of "female" or "male" are not always entirely accurate. At the core, we are all human beings, regardless of our gender identity. Everyone has basic physical and psychological needs, particularly after puberty.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider not being too repressed or belittling yourself. It might be beneficial to abandon the idea of male and female and return to the basics of being human. For example, it could be valuable to expand your social circle outside of work, integrate yourself more into society, cultivate hobbies, devote yourself to what you love, and gradually improve yourself.

Perhaps it would be best not to rush into finding love or avoiding comparisons between the sexes.

Third, it would be beneficial for us to try to control ourselves, adjust our mindset and thoughts, and live our own lives. It is important to remember that we cannot control or change the thoughts and opinions of other people.

There are many women around us who are tougher, more open-minded, or simply more feminine. They also have their own circle of hobbies and social circles, and at the same time, they also have their gentle, beautiful, and virtuous other side.

I hope this message finds you well. I am a young man who is eager to maintain communication with you.

Yi Xinli Answering Questions Hall Mutual Aid Community, World, and I Love You >> https://m.xinli001.com/qa

When I was a little girl, my family placed a lot of value on boys and not so much on girls. Unfortunately, domestic violence against women and children was pretty common. From an early age, I was constantly taught that "girls are no good, girls are pitiful, and they can't do without men."

But I'm not going to give up! I've been imitating boys since childhood, and I'm not going to let anyone else treat me like a girl.

I've achieved a little success, and I'm proud of it!

Now that you're in your twenties, you're realizing that marriage is a big step. It's okay if you're not ready to admit that you're a woman and be treated as one. We all have different ideas of what it means to be a woman, and that's okay! You might also be feeling insecure about marriage because you've had bad experiences with men in the past. It's natural to feel this way. You're also feeling unsure about taking any chances.

From what you've told me, you're a very aware person.

You're not afraid of being treated as a woman, but you're not quite ready to admit that you're weak, either. I totally get it. We all have beliefs that we were taught as children, and it can take a while to unlearn them.

Now that you're all grown up, you have the power to change things, don't you think?

We now know that women can also be capable and independent, and that's a wonderful thing!

I know it can be hard to accept, but you can't control how other people treat you. They might not treat you like a woman or demand things from you, but you can't control that.

I know it can be hard to admit, but the truth is that we are female bodies, we are women. We are modern women, and we have grown up.

I can tell myself, "Yes, I am a woman, and I am capable, competent, and independent."

Good day, the individual who is experiencing internal conflict regarding their self-identification.

After reading your account, I envisioned Nezha, depicted in traditional Chinese folklore, standing with one hand on his hip and the other holding a flaming spear while his feet rested on a pair of fire wheels. I have a similar image of you, an individual I have never met, expressing your anger with strength and an accusation of fate's perceived injustice.

However, on the one hand, one's grievances and pain have been suppressed, and there has been an ongoing attempt to eliminate any aspect of one's identity that is perceived as representing weakness and powerlessness. Consequently, despite having achieved a degree of success, one remains dissatisfied with oneself.

As you have indicated, you are currently in your twenties and have already accomplished a great deal. However, you resist identifying as a woman and avoid your innermost longing: to be recognized by your parents, to be valued by them, and to be loved by them.

To the young lady in question, I would ask that you allow me to address you as such. You are in your twenties and have grown up through your own efforts. It is important to acknowledge that everything you have achieved so far is the result of your hard work. You have achieved external independence, and now you need to slowly try to complete your separation from your parents from the inside.

It is important to recognize the distinction between the individuality of the self and the influence of external factors. The pain and disapproval experienced by the individual from their parents has shaped their character, contributing to the development of a tough and unyielding personality.

You are currently eager to complete your identity and gender identity. It is my estimation that this is not an overnight process, and that the process is likely to be difficult.

If you are prepared to embark on this challenging journey of self-discovery, it would be advisable to seek the guidance of a qualified professional. Given the inherent difficulties involved, it is essential to have a reliable support system in place to provide assistance and guidance.

Professionals serve as a reliable source of guidance and support during challenging times.

If immediate consultation is not feasible, that is acceptable. It is necessary to allow for preparation time.

One may consider spending time in solitude with reading material or participation in a group setting. The works of Zhang Defen, such as Meet the Unknown Self and Re-encounter the Unknown Self, as well as When I Met Someone and Silent Confession, are recommended for their insight.

One may attempt to achieve this through the reading of the aforementioned books, which may facilitate a gradual process of self-acceptance and the subsequent pursuit of change.

The outcome of one's explorations and choices is ultimately of no consequence; the most significant aspect is one's own self-love. There is no inherent moral value in any action; there are merely subjective perceptions of right and wrong. An individual may possess a multitude of characteristics, including kindness, strength, gentleness, selfishness, tolerance, and hatred.

"The meaning we ascribe to past experiences directly influences our lives. Our lives are not bestowed upon us by others; rather, we choose how to live.

Individuals in their twenties can now attempt to act as their own parental figure. While the past cannot be altered, the future is within their control. They are the sole entity capable of exerting control over it.

Ultimately, it is my hope that we will remain true to ourselves and cultivate self-worth.

Hello!

Hug you. Don't be discouraged. You are strong. Beneath your outward strength lies a vulnerable inner child. You were not paid enough attention to or taken seriously in the past. This has made you feel inferior, as though you are shorter and inferior in front of others. You are afraid to show your true self.

I am a girl, and I accept myself. No one else's opinion matters more than my own.

My family valued boys over girls, and domestic violence against women and children was commonplace. From an early age, I was indoctrinated with the idea that "girls are no good, girls are pitiful, and they can't do without men."

But they refuse to admit defeat. From an early age, they emulate the character of boys and refuse to lose to men.

They have had some minor achievements.

Now in their twenties, they are reluctant to admit that they are women and want to be treated as such. They have always associated femininity with weakness, so they don't trust men. They are averse to marriage, insecure, and unwilling to take risks.

It is our hope that every family member will respect the feelings and needs of the child and provide them with the necessary care and attention. However, parents with immature awareness often treat their children in the wrong way, giving them internal shadows and traumas. The most typical of these are the decadent thinking of "male superiority" that has been passed down for thousands of years and the wrong world view. These must be rectified.

It is indisputable that living with such parents is more mentally painful than a lack of care. Parents will constantly devalue their worth, undermine their self-esteem, and magnify their shortcomings. The reaction is precisely a lack of self-awareness, a correct concept of children, and the fact that they impose their own needs on their children, which makes it impossible for children to meet their expectations without limits and makes them feel even more powerless. This is also the deep reason why they feel that they are not good enough, not perfect, and feel inferior.

In their childhood, they needed the care of their caregivers to survive because of their own weakness. They could only choose to compromise. It is naturally difficult for them to understand and accept themselves when they are rejected. This is why they always show resistance and assertiveness to protect themselves after growing up. This is also why they cannot forgive their parents who rejected them. It is why they have difficulty entering into a healthy intimate relationship.

The original poster is right: to gain one's parents' approval, one must "make oneself appear strong." However, when the goal is to enter into an intimate relationship, wearing this mask of "strength" for a long time will lead to a loss of the ability to feel one's true self and accept oneself. One will become internally aggressive and feel conflicted and in pain.

I want to get over the trauma of my childhood.

We must understand the origin of childhood trauma. The adult self has changed. We can fully take care of ourselves. However, our feelings are still living in the past. This is why it is difficult for us to break away from the influence of our original family.

It's time to bring our feelings back to the present and separate them from reality. We need to understand that past experiences are in the past, and that our parents' corrupt thinking can no longer influence us. We can choose to reject it just as we did when we were children. We feel our parents' influence continues because we pay attention to and accept it. We need to stop doing that.

For example, when you were a child, your parents cursed, "What a useless person!" This sentence had a profound impact on you, causing self-doubt. You had no environment to escape and heard it over and over again. As an adult, you have the strength to reject the negative influence because you have a more complete cognitive ability. You are not easily shaken. You know that each word they say is not actually directly related to you. Sometimes the needs they express actually come from your own deficiencies, not their problems.

Second, you must accept yourself and embrace your inner child.

I refuse to accept that I can't control others from not treating me as a woman and making demands of me. I refuse to live with the kind of mentality that allows this.

The questioner's doubts about their own existence and difficulty accepting themselves are a direct result of their parents' distorted perceptions and erroneous parenting styles. This is a normal feeling and emotion. Their lack of acceptance and recognition has made it even more difficult for them to reveal their true selves. However, the more they cannot accept themselves, the stronger the sense of inferiority will become, making them more likely to feel that they are not good enough, to constantly find fault with themselves, and to pursue perfection.

Escape and avoidance won't make problems disappear. Anxiety will remind you that you need to face problems head-on to find true peace and freedom. The answer to anxiety is acceptance. Accept yourself, learn to give yourself understanding and acceptance when you feel negative, and you'll break free from the negative influence of inferiority and the shackles of your original family. You'll feel and accept yourself again.

It is crucial to understand that it is not the child's responsibility or duty to please their parents. Humans are not born perfect, and we have no obligation to live our lives trying to meet other people's expectations, let alone feel ashamed if we cannot meet our parents' unreasonable expectations. If our parents emphasize and deny us, we have the power to choose to say "no" and refuse their unreasonable demands.

You don't need to crave or allow being yourself. You need to express yourself freely.

You've got this! Keep up the good work!