Are your feelings really the main or only ones that count?

Hello, my name is Liu Liping, and I'm a listening coach.

Two friends have been living together for almost a year, but they don't really know each other very well. Let me introduce you to A and B, who I'll use to represent these two friends.

B gives A gifts and sometimes helps A, actually trying to show affection, but A says he doesn't need it and finds it a nuisance. So A tells B how he feels, and B feels a little hurt.

As you said, from their respective perspectives, they are both speaking their true feelings. It's so sad that A doesn't need these gifts and feels troubled, while B has indeed given, giving A what he or she thinks is best, and hearing A express this is really upsetting.

You asked whether feelings are really right. I would say that there is no right or wrong in feelings. The feelings of both A and B are real and important, and they're valid just the way they are!

But, bless their hearts, their relationship may not be going so well.

There's no right or wrong for either of them. As you said, they just need to get to know each other better through more communication and contact.

I thought of "The Five Languages of Love," a wonderful book that lists five ways to express love: 1. Affirming words, 2. Moments of tenderness, 3. Receiving gifts, 4. Acts of service, 5. Physical touch.

Of course, it could be love, or maybe something even bigger.

When friend B gives friend A a present, it's a way of showing how he feels, but to friend A it's just a hassle. So, it seems like giving a present isn't what he needs right now. What he needs, I'm not sure. Maybe it's words of encouragement or helping out with something. This is something that needs to be understood slowly.

It's totally normal for friends to go through different stages of getting to know each other. Sometimes it's about becoming acquainted, then familiar, and then truly understanding each other. This process can involve a bit of trial and error, and it's totally okay if it takes a little time to adjust!

B just happens to understand that A's needs may be different, and that's okay! I think A can also slowly learn B's way of expressing affection through contact.

When A expresses his feelings to B, it's a lovely way to show your affection.

I really hope this helps!

Hello, After reading your description, I can see that you're facing another problem.

You think, I think, I don't want you to think, I want you to think, etc. These are common occurrences in the world of relationships.

Dealing with this kind of problem is straightforward. Consider the following:

1. What I thought was a problem.

In a friendship, it is subjective. Think about what the other person needs, or what you yourself need. This may sound confusing, so let me be clear.

The gift you give is not for your friend, it's for the friendship. You give it to him because the friendship exists.

When it comes to friendship, there are special rules for choosing gifts. You should avoid giving particularly expensive gifts that don't necessarily have practical value. Instead, give gifts that express friendship within your means.

From this perspective, you have the freedom to choose gifts based on your own preferences or the closeness of your friendship.

2. This is the problem you think you're having.

If your friend thinks that giving gifts is a good way to maintain a good friendship, then I'm sure he won't mind what you give him, but he'll appreciate the sentiment.

The gift is not important. It's the thought that counts.

You absolutely can't give a piano when the other person lives in a small space.

He doesn't really need the gift that badly.

3. The friendship between you

I firmly believe that your relationship is still quite good if you strengthen it in this way. If you are in regular contact, there will inevitably be some mention of it in your exchanges.

If the other person doesn't mention it and it happens to be a special occasion like a birthday, then follow the usual gift-giving rules.

After a gift is given, there is no need to ask if the other person really needs it. If they mention it on their own initiative, use friendship as an excuse. Don't say, "I thought/I believe that you needed this."

4. Your motives

Your motive is to maintain the friendship, but other factors cannot be ruled out, such as reciprocity and the expectation of gifts from the other person.

Given all this, you should focus on improving and growing together with your friend.

A gift should enhance emotions, not impede them. It should be the protagonist of the participants in a friendship.

#Gifts have a price, but friendship is priceless.#

Hello, my name is June, and I just wanted to say hello!

I've given you my all, but I can see you're not feeling it. I'm really sad about that.

I can see you're feeling a little aggrieved and confused right now. Don't worry, I'm here to help! To clear up the confusion, I'd like to suggest you ask yourself the following questions:

1. Is it him/her that you like, or is it yourself?

"Sometimes the help given to the other person or the gifts given are self-serving." You see, you're absolutely right! Without even realizing it, you've hit the nail on the head.

When it comes to sending gifts or offering help, it's natural to want to put your own preferences and needs first. But have you ever thought about who should be the focus? It's interesting to note that in many cases, the person giving the gift is the star of the show. The person receiving the gift might not even be that important, as if they could be replaced by anyone.

Just stop for a moment and think about how it must feel for the person who receives a gift or help. If they don't accept it, it can seem a bit rude and pretentious. But if they do accept it, it can feel a bit superfluous. And not only is the gift superfluous, but they also feel like they owe a favor. After all, as the old saying goes, "He who receives a favor from another is bound to him/her."

2. Are you really getting along?

"Two friends have been living together for almost a year, but they don't really know each other that well, bless them!"

I'm sure they've done lots together during the year! After all, they're living together, so they should have talked, gone shopping and eaten out.

During this process, it's really important to try to understand the other person's personality and preferences. Unless, of course, you're just living under the same roof without communicating with each other.

I just wanted to check in and see if there's anything I can do to help with your lifestyle.

3. Is this really a relationship that goes both ways?

"Of the two of us, the other person may not need it."

From my perspective, I have given! It seems like one person is running ahead while the other is running behind, which is not ideal.

So, in an unequal relationship, even if you give too much, it can be hard to impress the other person. This is because they might want to move on from you, or they might have their sights set on something else.

4. Is the thought behind a gift more important than the value?

"I've given it my all, I really have! But before that, the other person didn't tell me what they really needed.

"From his point of view, what I did may not have meant much to him or may even have been a nuisance."

First, a gift shows that you care. If the other person has told you what they need, it's a request, which is great, but it might not be as surprising as if you had thought of it yourself.

Second, a gift is 7 points of thoughtfulness + 3 points of value. When the atmosphere is right, even something as simple as the ring pull from a can can become a marriage proposal ring! Expensive is not necessarily right.

Maybe the other person just wants a drink of water, and you give them a steamed bun. They might not be grateful, and they might even want to cry.

I really hope these tips help you out! Best of luck!

Good evening, questioner.

I'm Kelly, and I've read your question very carefully. Let's have a chat.

Two friends have been living together for almost a year, but they don't really know each other very well.

It is normal not to understand each other after a year of friendship. Many people, including parents, classmates, and friends, simply will not be able to understand each other after many years.

If you care about someone, it will take a lot of time to get to know them. You will learn about each other's preferences, habits, and communicate more. You will treat each other sincerely and get to know each other better and better.

If it's casual or you don't plan to get close, that's fine. There's no need to spend a lot of time getting to know each other.

These are all optional. There are no standards.

✍️[About giving help to the other person or giving gifts]

The questioner stated that they help and give gifts based on their own preferences, without considering the other person's feelings and needs.

Some people simply don't like to be helped. If I need help, I'll ask my friends for it, but I don't appreciate it when they constantly ask me if I need help!

Nobody likes to be pitied or helped by someone who thinks they're a savior. I prefer a friendship that provides just the right amount of support when you need it.

For example, if I'm in a bad mood, have failed an exam, and want to be left alone, I will not be happy if someone asks me, "You're in a bad mood, what's wrong?" because what I need is silence.

If I fail an exam and ask for help, I will be very touched if the other person patiently helps me figure it out and gives me comfort.

The difference between someone who actively seeks help and someone who passively accepts help is that the former feels a lot better.

I firmly believe that people who give gifts are very thoughtful. Gifts represent the giver's intentions, and if you are familiar with someone, you can communicate more on a spiritual level and grow together.

I believe that paying less attention to gifts will reduce stress. I don't like people who exchange gifts with their friends, for example on birthdays. A book and a greeting card are enough. A gentleman's friendship is as light as water.

Receiving unwanted gifts can also be mentally stressful. You have to consider returning the gift, but you should just say that although the other person feels aggrieved, they can be more comfortable in the long run.

It also reduces unnecessary waste.

I usually say:

1: Thank the other person for their kindness, but explain why you won't accept the gift. (Seeing the other person's efforts and the thoughtfulness of the gift, and expressing your own thoughts) is also a process of getting to know each other.

2: They will say that receiving gifts causes stress.

3: Over time, friends will understand my way of life and will respect each other.

[The one who gives]

The questioner stated, "From my perspective, I have given! You can't say that you don't need it or feel it."

Deny my contribution if you must, but know that you're doing so at your own peril.

I mentioned earlier that you need to see the other person's intentions. The person giving the gift hopes that the other person likes it and is happy. However, the other person may be even unhappier after receiving the gift than if they hadn't received it. Both people are uncomfortable with the gift, so you need to think about this:

1. Find out what the other person wants. If it's a relationship, you should also try to understand the other person's hobbies and preferences and show that you care about them.

2. Gifts are a great way to get to know each other better.

3: You must also consider the psychological pressure on the person receiving the gift. (Likewise, liking any gift and being unwilling to tell the truth is damaging to the relationship between the two people, as you have no way of knowing whether you have done a good job or not.)

4: It is far better to respect each person's true feelings than to be hypocritical and polite when you see the other person's honest expression.

Our parents always say they're doing it for our own good, but we know better.

Take your time learning.

Mutual relationships allow us to learn and grow from our experiences, even the negative ones.

You should also read this book.

I am certain that the intention behind gift-giving is good. The key to sending gifts that truly resonate with the other person is a learned skill.

Let's learn together. When you know the other person, you'll win every battle.

If you have any questions, ask away.

Happy birthday!

I am Kelly.

The world and I love you.

From what we know, it seems like friend A values friend B, but when friend B offers to help or give gifts, friend B doesn't feel the need to repay the favor and doesn't even say thank you. Friend A feels a bit taken for granted and starts to doubt their own feelings. I can see how enthusiastic and attentive friend A is towards their friend. I've been in the same situation before, and it's all part of the growth process.

Gift-giving is a tricky business. There are so many details to think about, like who you're giving it to and what the occasion is. It's not easy to find a gift that will really touch the recipient's heart!

Be mindful of whether the other person needs help when offering it.

Helping each other out when you need it shows respect. It's not easy to see and respect each other's needs, and it requires knowing yourself and the other person.

After almost a year of living together, it seems like they don't really know each other that well. They'll give each other gifts and offer to help each other out, so at least their relationship isn't bad. They say, "old friends part as strangers," and that the depth of a relationship isn't measured by how long it's lasted.

It's often reported in the news that a cat will leave its favorite food, mice, at the door every day to repay a favor. In life, parents want to give their children the best, but is that what their children need? There are countless similar examples in reality. It's recommended to accept the other person's true feelings in the moment, regardless of right or wrong.

Sending your heart with sincerity

A gift with little value but great meaning conveys emotions, care, and attention. If it causes stress for both parties, it's not worth it.

Finding the right gift for the right person at the right time, and showing you're sincere and know what you're doing, takes a lot of observation, learning, experience, and dedication. For example, if you're giving tea as a gift, if the other person is a tea connoisseur, you need to first understand their preferences (whether they like raw tea, ripe tea, Dongding or Pu'er, etc.). If you give them the tea you think is good, it will be difficult to show you know what you're doing.

Foreign scholars have found that "if you give a gift that you like and use, the person who receives it will be happier," and they call this the "companion" effect. They also say that it's more useful when you don't know each other very well.

There are no hard and fast rules, and there's no right or wrong feeling. It's best to try to stay calm and listen to what the other person wants.

Those who love us will stick around even if the gift isn't to their liking. And those who don't love us will leave, no matter how perfect the gift is.

Just my two cents, for whatever it's worth.

Peace of mind