As the eldest daughter in the countryside, my family loves my younger brother a little more than me, how can I not compare?

Greetings. I am the Heart Exploration coach, Gu Daoxi Feng Shou Lu.

After reading the questioner's description, I found myself experiencing a sense of envy towards the questioner. I am also the eldest daughter in my family, yet I rarely feel the love from my grandparents. They display a clear preference for my younger brother, which is evident in their facial expressions and actions.

The term "compare" may be a biased description of my mother's love for me. I recall my mother once stating that I had written in my diary that my younger brother was the "little emperor" of our family.

Indeed, both happiness and misfortune can be the result of comparison. Despite being siblings, there is a difference in their age. From the perspective of age or gender, the eldest child may have experienced a degree of hardship. I empathize with the questioner's sentiments and offer my support.

The question asker may be able to facilitate a resolution by taking action.

As the adage states, "Those situated at the center of a situation are often unable to perceive the truth." The questioner may benefit from adopting a third-person, objective perspective and viewing the situation from a perspective that transcends their own immediate viewpoint.

The most evident manifestation of favoritism is the unequal distribution of resources, whether they are care resources or other material resources. In the absence of a tangible difference in material circumstances, the questioner may attempt to be less sensitive in order to avoid hurting their parents' feelings during the process of comparison.

It is important to recognize that attitudes are mutual and that the interactions between parents, siblings, and children are complex and nuanced. If a sibling is more tolerant of a parent's usual demeanor, it is possible that the parent may also be more tolerant of the sibling's mood. This dynamic was particularly evident in my mother's behavior when my brother and I were growing up.

Grandpa requested that the younger brother remain at home with the questioner, but also permitted the questioner to visit his grandmother's residence if he so desired or to remain at home. This may also be an expression of democracy, respecting the questioner's right to make his own choices. Perhaps a change in perspective would result in a less stubborn attitude.

The palm and the back of the hand, though both composed of flesh, exhibit differences in length. The questioner might consider whether they have observed a preference for their younger brother, or whether they have noticed a similar preference for themselves.

Adopting an alternative perspective may result in a different outcome.

One might inquire as to the rationale behind such a comparison. In essence, the degree of proximity between oneself and one's family is a bilateral phenomenon. If the family exhibits greater proximity, the individual will also display proximity to them; conversely, if the family demonstrates greater distance, the individual will also exhibit distance. This phenomenon is independent of any potential bias towards the younger sibling.

The degree of intimacy between you and your younger brother is not significantly correlated.

One might suggest that it would be beneficial to become more indifferent. This is a viable approach, as focusing on negative aspects can result in the neglect of positive elements. Over time, this could potentially lead to a sense of detachment among family members.

It can be reasonably assumed that girls are born with a tendency towards emotional introspection and a proclivity for emotional volatility. If the questioner is indeed experiencing doubt, it may be advisable to pose the question in a jocular manner. This approach may prove more efficacious than the subjective guesses previously proffered.

It would be beneficial to alter one's perspective. While traditional patriarchal thinking persists, it does not affect the questioner's family. This may be a source of optimism.

It is recommended that the following texts be read: "A Change of Heart" and "The Power of Indifference."

I wish you the best of luck!

Dear colleague, I can see you're struggling. As the eldest daughter, it's only natural that you expect to receive the same love and recognition as your younger brother.

It's totally normal to feel a bit troubled and distressed when you feel like the love in your family is distributed unevenly. This kind of situation is pretty common in many families, especially when it comes to traditional views and expectations.

Family systems theory says that how family members interact with each other affects how they feel and act. You might have taken on certain roles in the family without even realizing it. For example, you might have seen yourself as the "responsible eldest daughter," which could have led to your parents having different expectations of you and your younger brother.

It seems like you feel that your family loves your brother more than you. This might be because you have different expectations of love. It's also possible that gender roles in your family influence your parents' favoritism towards your brother. This is something that happens in many families.

It's not that you're oversensitive, but you're really experiencing your family relationships. Everyone's perception and need for love is unique, and love in family relationships is often complex and multi-dimensional.

It's possible that your parents loved you just as much, but they may have shown it in ways that were different from what you expected. We all have different feelings about emotional investment, and even if the objective conditions are the same, everyone may feel different levels of love.

This could be down to the emotional needs, communication styles and personality differences of each individual.

You said your family treated you better than your younger brother in terms of material conditions, which shows they love you equally, but in different ways. This could be because of your experience of growing up away from your parents, or it could be because of your younger brother's personality and way of behaving.

As for your brother being more tolerant, that might be because of your parents' expectations and parenting styles. Every parent has their own approach to education, and sometimes they're more lenient with one child than another.

I'm not saying you're not important, but every family is different.

Your relationship with your grandparents might be affected by something called "attachment theory." This is the idea that how you bond with your primary caregivers when you're young affects how you interact with other people and how you feel about relationships later on. If you had a close emotional bond with your grandparents when you were growing up, it could impact how you relate to your family members now.

Now, let's talk about what you can do. You can try communicating with your family members.

It's important to communicate how we feel and let them know what kind of attention and love we want to receive. Communication is the key to solving these kinds of problems.

It's important to adjust your expectations, as love is expressed in different ways in every family. It's also helpful to understand and accept this diversity.

If you're struggling to cope with these emotions, don't be afraid to ask for help. You can get support from family, friends or professionals. They can all be part of your support system.

Your value isn't based on what others think, but on your own actions, qualities, and how you see yourself. Your feelings matter, and so does your happiness.

Hello, Jokerev here. I understand your pain.

Family emotions are not always equal or reciprocal. This does not mean love is limited or can be compared quantitatively. Everyone in the family has a different role and expresses and receives love in different ways.

Your feelings may come from a common psychological phenomenon called "relative deprivation." Even if you have received more materially, you feel your younger brother gets more attention spiritually, which makes you feel confused and lost. You also mentioned that your mother's conversation about you is biased, and the elders' tolerance of your younger brother's behavior has made you doubt things.

Your parents will probably show more concern and tolerance for your younger brother because he is younger. It's human nature to protect the weak.

As the eldest daughter, you have grown up and become independent. Your family's expectations and demands on you may be different. That's why your mother's reaction is stronger when you say something that upsets her.

Your grandparents' feelings for you and your brother are not based on how much time they spend with you. They are based on how much they love you and how close you are to them. The time you spent with them when you were young is equally precious, and your brother will not change that.

In your search for self-worth and a place in the world, learn to value and trust your own feelings. At the same time, try to communicate openly and honestly with your family. Perhaps you will discover that their love for you has never changed.

You're not competing for love. You're finding your own unique place in the world. There's no need to compare. Just cherish.

Family relationships are like stars in the sky. No matter which one shines brighter, it doesn't make the others any less bright. You are unique and irreplaceable. No matter how others behave, this will never change.

Dear question asker, Reading your lengthy description evoked the sensation of seeing you in person.

After reading your detailed account, it is evident that you are experiencing a profound sense of sadness. As the eldest daughter in your family, you have a younger brother. Despite the love and affection you receive from your family, you perceive that your brother is consistently the recipient of more attention and affection. This leads you to engage in comparisons with your brother, which you find difficult to overcome. It is understandable that you are seeking guidance on how to navigate these feelings.

Let us proceed with a discussion of this matter.

In your written account, you stated that your mother discusses your brother with other individuals and that when you were attending university, she continued to do so when she spoke with you. From your written statements, I would like to inquire further about the following:

1. How did you convey your sentiments regarding this matter to your mother?

2. What is the rationale behind your mother's consistent references to your younger brother during her phone conversations with you?

3. Could you please provide the current age of your brother?

4. Please describe the nature of your relationship with your brother.

The aforementioned four points are intended to demonstrate that expectations often underlie an individual's actions. The fact that my mother attached significant importance to my younger brother indicates that she had considerable expectations of him. When one person has high expectations of another, the latter often experiences heightened pressure during their upbringing. Consequently, it is worthwhile to consider this matter from my younger brother's perspective: How would he feel being expected by his mother in this way?

Additionally, you indicated that during the New Year, your grandfather consistently advised your brother to remain at home with him. However, he informed you that your brother could either visit your grandmother's residence or remain at home. Based on this information, I have the following observations:

1. It is evident that the subject in question has a strong preference for remaining at home with Grandpa.

2. Grandpa's expression did not fully take your feelings into account.

3. The inability to express oneself can be attributed to the fact that Grandpa's mode of communication has resulted in a lack of respect and security.

The aforementioned three points are intended to convey that, within the context of familial interactions, individuals who perceive a lack of attention or care from their family members may choose to express their inner needs and expectations to their family members. Regardless of the outcome, expressing these needs and expectations, even if it leads to a negative response, may facilitate a greater understanding of the individual's true expectations.

Even if one were to take a step back and reflect on the matter, the fact that one's grandparents and mother ignore one is a problem that they themselves need to work on. One should not bear a burden that does not belong to them.

You have indicated that your mother is more tolerant of your brother and that she reacts strongly if you say something she does not like. Let us consider this assertion.

1. What factors might have contributed to your mother's strong reaction to your "unpleasant words"?

2. Please enumerate the positive attributes of your brother.

3. Please list at least three advantages that you believe you possess.

4. Please specify the actions you would like your mother and grandfather to take. You may also list these in your notebook separately.

The objective of these four points is to provide inspiration for adapting to the challenging state of one's body and mind.

It is not uncommon to experience a desire to compare oneself to one's younger siblings, or even to engage in such a comparison. This may be driven by a hope to perform better and meet the expectations of one's family. However, as individuals with independent minds, it is crucial to be true to oneself.

It is recommended that the following text be read:

Yuan Ying, Embrace Your Inner Child

Wakasugi, T. (2022). Stop internal conflict: Live a life that doesn't wear you out. New York: Penguin Random House.

Given the limited time available, we will conclude here for the moment.

It is recommended that you take good care of yourself. It is hoped that you are well, and it is anticipated that we will meet again if it is meant to be.

Hello. You are the eldest daughter in the family. You feel that your family loves your younger brother more, and you cannot let go of this feeling of family love. You may feel neglected, unappreciated, and unloved because your family shows more concern for your younger brother in their actions and words, and you feel like you are being excluded.

Despite the 21st century, many people still think in a traditional way. In rural areas, the phenomenon of son preference is more common.

Children internalize inferiority precisely because they grew up in a patriarchal environment. They feel that their parents prefer their younger brothers.

Parents raise their children according to their own inner needs. If you were not around when you were a child, your parents will pay more attention to your younger siblings. Children need their parents to be their source of security. If parents ignore or belittle their children, the children will lack a sense of security.

It is unfair for parents to favor one child over another. This can make the other child feel aggrieved and even angry. Everyone has their own life, and parents are just there to accompany us on a journey. The shackles of the original family will not haunt us for the rest of our lives.

However, you should know that your parents' actions may be unconscious, but that doesn't mean they don't care about you.

Have an honest conversation with your parents. Tell them how you feel, what you think, and what you don't understand. You'll gain a deeper understanding. At the same time, participate in activities that interest you, make new friends, and establish your own circle of interests.

You are unique and worthy of attention. Maintain a positive attitude and remember this always.

Wishing you the best.

Hello, I am grateful for the opportunity to respond to your question and hope that my suggestions will be of some assistance.

This is a common experience for those who have a preference for sons over daughters. Despite being an only child, I still find myself in this situation.

From my earliest memories, I have had a brother or a younger brother who was not physically present, yet I still shared my father's love. As I grew up, I also had to navigate the expectations of a non-existent husband and mother-in-law, who, as a single woman, I did not have the opportunity to marry.

I believe this is particularly relevant for an only child, and perhaps even more so for a girl who has an older or younger brother.

Your situation brings to mind a movie called My Sister. I'm not sure if you've had the chance to see it. I watched it with two of my dearest friends.

One of my two best friends also has a sibling in her family, and they have a similar patriarchal family structure, with the parents favoring the younger brother. While watching the movie, I empathized with the sister character and my friend, who I imagine might have a similar experience. I can relate to my friend's perspective and position, as I am also a girl.

After the movie ended, I asked my best friend for her thoughts and feelings. I was concerned that she might feel sad, but to my surprise, she wasn't at all. In fact, she seemed curious about why my other best friend and I were sad and felt so bad for her. I later inquired about her perspective, and she explained that she was accustomed to it and considered it a typical situation. In my view, her understanding and state of mind can be described in two words: numbness.

She has become very indifferent to the matter of son preference and has come to accept that her parents will love her younger brother more. As a result, her feelings about this movie are very ordinary.

While this result may not be ideal, it's important to recognize that as children, we often don't have the power to alter these circumstances. I've personally come to accept my brother, who never existed. Even if he had been born, I still would not have received the same level of love from my father as my sister did. In his eyes, daughters were not his children, so I didn't get the same level of paternal love that she did.

I believe the best solution would be to...

It may be helpful to pay attention to your physical and mental state in a timely manner. When you are in a bad mood, you might consider seeking help and companionship from friends or psychological counselors to soothe your emotions.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to consider improving your own three views. While your parents' favoritism may seem unfair, it is important to recognize that it is not entirely your brother's fault. The ability for him to establish a positive sibling relationship with us is something that should be considered separately.

This also extends to gender equality, intimate relationships, and parent-child relationships. Perhaps we should not define people by one thing, and we may be able to handle our future social relationships, romantic relationships, and parent-child relationships very well.

At last, we can begin to unblock the parent-child relationship.

It is important to note that not favoring is not the same as abandoning. Given that we were all raised by our parents, it is possible to try to communicate, express ourselves, and explore in order to find a way to get along with our parents that suits us and builds intimacy. We can ask for the parental love we can still have (even if it may not be as much as our younger siblings have), but at least we still have it. It is possible that this love can become more and more

In the most extreme cases, such as abandonment, or if the relationship is truly beyond repair, it may be worth considering whether to choose to completely break away and go it alone.

It is my hope that, through self-reflection, resolution, or with the help of friends and professionals, I can accompany you in soothing your emotions and living a better life.

I believe the world loves you!

From your description, it can be discerned that you are a delicate but sensitive girl.

There are numerous instances wherein family members exhibit disparate treatment patterns, which collectively illustrate that the family places a greater emphasis on the younger sibling. Additionally, you have stated, "In terms of material conditions, my family treats me even more favorably than my younger brother, yet it is these seemingly minor nuances that engender a sense of being the less significant member of the family."

"I must profess a certain confusion. On the one hand, you have indicated that you were treated better materially; on the other, you express a preference for spiritual care. At the outset, you mentioned two pieces of information—'rural' and 'elder brother and sister'—which, taken together, suggest a certain familiarity with the situation of rural elder brother and sister preferring their younger brother. I am not suggesting that this situation is normal or that there is nothing wrong with it; rather, it is simply more in line with the public's perception.

It is therefore important not to dwell on matters with which one agrees. From a vertical perspective, one may feel that one has superior material conditions than one's younger brother, and that one occupies an absolute position mentally. It would be beneficial to consider how one's younger brother feels.

The reason for your unconscious comparison is your belief that the traditional rural mentality of "male superiority" is unfriendly to girls. This belief, combined with your actual life experience, makes you even more convinced of this, and the arrival of your younger brother has indeed taken away some of the love you received from your parents and grandparents, thus triggering unnecessary pain in you. You can attempt to eliminate this self-suggestion, reflect on your relationship with your younger brother, and adjust your mentality. You have what you have, but you do not appreciate it.

The fact that family members spend time with you does not indicate that they do not love you. Rather, it suggests that they prioritize the affection and attention they lavish upon your younger siblings. Additionally, aside from the "son preference," the notion that "the older sibling has to let the younger sibling go first" also raises concerns.

This premise suggests that gender is not a determining factor in such situations. It is therefore natural for an older brother to yield to his younger brothers and sisters, and for an older sister to do the same with her younger brothers and sisters. However, it is often overlooked that when older brothers and sisters are also children, it is unclear who should yield to whom.

It is recommended that the reader peruse "Ten Stories of the World," which contains an affecting narrative about the author and his sister. The author has also created a documentary about the book, which can be viewed as well.

I hope this information is of some assistance to you. Best regards,

Hello, I'm Coach Yu from Xin Tan, and I'm really excited to discuss this topic with you!

Now, let's dive into the fascinating topic of family values!

It's fascinating how parental favoritism is a common phenomenon in families with multiple children, especially in Eastern families! These families are often influenced by Confucianism and the concept of hierarchy, which can make them a bit patriarchal. Growing up in such a family environment can sometimes alienate children from each other and create conflicts between girls and their parents, which is an interesting dynamic to observe.

As the questioner said, my mother is always chatting about my younger brother when she's out and about. And when she calls me, she's always got something interesting to tell me about him!

We can try to say to ourselves that it is not our fault, and let the emotions flow, as we become aware of and recognize the patriarchal values of our elders. We can also try to record what our feelings are at the moment.

Your writing is for you, so you can write about your feelings as boldly and honestly as you like! It can help us understand the origins and effects of emotions and also help us clarify the root of the problem.

Now, let's talk about comparison!

It's amazing how similar experiences can make us feel like we're on the same starting line! But why is he better than me?

As the questioner wrote, what makes me feel uncomfortable is that my family loves my younger brother a little more than they love me.

In essence, the person being compared feels a subjective sense of unfairness, so every time you look at him, it seems like you're looking at your own failure. As the original poster said, I would be very happy if I didn't have to compare myself to my brother, and my family treats me very well! But I can't help but compare myself to others, and I'm excited to see what I can learn from it.

Competition isn't all bad! It can actually motivate us to be more competitive and help us reach our full potential. Of course, it can also lead to inferiority complexes and confusion. As the questioner said, I really suffer when I can't do it without comparing.

We can look within ourselves, accept ourselves, and try to say to ourselves, "My brother is very good, I'm not bad either, and we are both our parents' darlings!"

And finally, love yourself!

In the near future, you can look forward to spending more time keeping in touch with your parents. Your daughter will always be your parents' little ray of sunshine. Talking about your interesting anecdotes, your work and studies, and anything else that's on your mind can not only release your pent-up emotions, but also enhance your parent-child relationship.

Absolutely! We can seek help because if this thing is bothering you, it is not easy to overcome it immediately. Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor because emotions must have an outlet to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

And there's more! We must also affirm ourselves, empower ourselves, enrich our knowledge, and enrich our inner being. When our core is strong, the people around you will naturally feel comfortable when they are with you.

I'm so excited to recommend this book: "5% Change"!

Hello, question owner. I'm Evan, a counselor specializing in the genre of differentiation.

From the questioner's description, it's clear that he's in pain. It's evident that he has needs for family affection and desires the attention of family members who value him more. I can understand the pain and confusion of the questioner.

Family favoritism is a common phenomenon, and it can be caused by a variety of factors, such as gender, birth order, and personality.

In traditional Chinese culture, boys are often seen as the family's successors. In some rural families, males are also seen as an important labor force. This makes them valued more in the family. However, this does not mean that the feelings of the questioner are insignificant. You are worthy of love.

When faced with important family matters, communicate your feelings to your family. Find an appropriate time to have an open and honest conversation with your family and express your feelings and concerns.

Make sure they understand that you want more attention and recognition from the family. Don't make accusations or attacks, but do express your feelings with understanding and acceptance.

This will make them realize that their actions have caused distress and they will try to change.

Additionally, the questioner can adjust their mindset. This may be challenging, but it's crucial to shift your focus from your family's favoritism towards your younger brother to your own growth and happiness. Don't rely on your family's evaluation to define your value.

The questioner can enrich their lives through learning, work, making friends, etc. to become more independent and confident. Everyone has their own unique talents and values. Find your interests and passions, work hard to develop yourself, and make yourself more confident and feel a sense of value.

The questioner should also establish their own social circles in school, the community, or other groups. Connecting with friends, classmates, or like-minded people and sharing each other's lives and experiences makes you feel more loved and supported.

You must learn to accept and love yourself. Don't compare yourself to others too much, but focus on your own growth and development.

You are a unique and valuable person. Develop your self-esteem and self-confidence.

The questioner must understand that the love of family members does not depend entirely on their attitude towards you and your younger brother. The questioner is an independent person, and your value is not dependent on their opinion.

It is difficult, but you must let go of your expectations of them and believe in your own value. This will make you feel happier more easily.

If you feel this kind of comparison and painful emotion has seriously affected your life and mental health, you should seek professional help. A psychological counselor or psychiatrist can help you identify and deal with these emotions and provide effective coping strategies.

Family relationships are complex and delicate. We may feel neglected or treated unequally, but we must understand and accept the actions and emotions of our family members.

The questioner can improve their relationship with their family and gain more attention and support through active communication and hard work.

I am confident that my answer will help the questioner. I recommend the book "Patriarchy Stress Disorder."

As the saying goes, without comparison, there is no harm. It is often the case that it is not other people but ourselves that hurt us the most. This is because we often ask others to do things for us, but rarely think about what we can do for others.

Son preference is indeed a common problem in many families, and there are a number of reasons for this. To give a simple example, in most families, when parents need to retire or live with their children in the future, how many people will be with their daughters and how many will be with their sons? Through this ratio, a number of things have already become obvious. In the eyes of many parents, it is only natural to go to their son's house in the future, while going to their daughter's house makes them a guest. This may be one of the reasons why raising children for old age is formed in this way.

It is important to be empathetic. Even when we are with friends, even if they are close friends, it can be challenging to treat everyone equally. We often have different attitudes towards different people in different situations. The questioner believes that sometimes family members love their younger siblings more. It might be helpful for the questioner to reflect on whether their family has ever favored their younger siblings over them.

If there is, have we perhaps overlooked the contributions of others in our focus on their shortcomings? When the questioner is not in a situation of comparison, that sense of happiness is not an illusion. It is just that when one is in a negative mood, it is easy to magnify the bad things, making it difficult to think calmly.

It's interesting to consider why we might think parents will favor one child over the other. Our own personalities and how we get along with others can play a role here. It's often the case that the youngest child in a family will receive more attention, which could lead to the younger brother receiving more favoritism. It's understandable that the questioner sometimes feels jealous, but it's also natural to favor your younger brother.

It would be remiss of me not to mention that children who cry are often given milk to drink. It is often the case that sensible children receive less attention than they deserve, while those who are unreasonable seem to attract more. This can make sensible children appear more heartbreaking.

It may be helpful to consider learning to love ourselves first, as a way of protecting ourselves. While family is often a source of support, we can also support ourselves. After all, some journeys are best undertaken alone. As the saying goes, true feelings often emerge in times of difficulty. When someone is in need of help, it is often most helpful to be surrounded by people who love and support them. It is important to recognize that we cannot make generalizations. When we are feeling sad, it can be helpful to focus on the positive aspects of other people's experiences, as it can provide a different perspective.

My name is Mo Xiaofan, and I am a heart exploration coach. If you have any concerns or would like to talk about something, you are welcome to choose the heart exploration service on your personal page.