At 18, spoiled by my parents since childhood, do I still feel like a child?

Good afternoon, 18-year-old. You perceive your parents' actions as those of a child being spoiled.

I have carefully reviewed your question and would like to share my insights.

Firstly, when you state that you act like a child, it implies that you are aware that you are no longer a child, but an adult.

If you truly feel like a child, you would likely say, "I'm a child," rather than "I act like a child."

As a matter of fact, you are an adult.

Secondly, you may need to adopt a more childlike approach.

From your straightforward inquiry, it is evident that your parents have not treated you fairly. However, if you were a child, you likely felt that your parents were justified in disciplining you and that you should not rebel against them. As a child, you probably identified with your parents.

Consider the following scenario: If you are an adult, you may feel that your parents should not control you, let alone criticize you, and that you need to behave like an adult. You may need to leave home and support yourself financially.

It is likely that you are currently a student, or perhaps already employed, but with an income that does not yet support your needs.

It is becoming increasingly common for individuals to achieve independence at a later age. Typically, this will be after graduating from university or even completing a postgraduate degree, which is often well beyond the age of 18.

However, when I began university, I was entitled to request financial assistance from my parents. I was aware that I had reached an age where I was no longer considered a child, but I required financial support from my parents to continue my education.

You may rest assured that this is the case.

It appears that you are seeking an alternative to this family situation, but you may lack the necessary courage or ability to make the transition.

It is therefore reasonable to conclude that the only person who can remain at home without supporting themselves is a child. Consequently, you have agreed that you are a child. You have also agreed that parents can discipline children.

It may be somewhat circuitous, but I believe you require children to validate your identity, confirm your role as a mother, and acknowledge your status as an adult. However, you seem to be apprehensive about confronting the challenges and uncertainties associated with adulthood.

In regard to family matters, you may feel that your parents are no longer obligated to you.

What is the recommended course of action?

Your mother's emotional issues may necessitate counseling, but this may prove challenging given that she may not perceive them as a problem.

I also recommend that you seek counseling to help you identify your strengths and gain confidence. It's important to recognize that fear can often impede our ability to perform well, even in situations that don't necessarily warrant it.

I recommend that you seek the assistance of a counselor.

I am a licensed psychological counselor with a fluctuating outlook on life, oscillating between periods of depression and optimism.

Hello, question asker!

From your question, it's clear you've been through a lot with your mother. I empathize with you.

I looked up the definition of "spoiling." It means "excessive affection," and it refers to a characteristic of the relationship between a caregiver and a child. Spoiling is unjustly giving material and emotional satisfaction and protection.

The caregiver shelters the child while also hindering any attempts by the child to act independently. Is this how you get love from your parents?

It's not excessive love. It's not overindulgent.

From your description, it's clear that your mother is an extremely emotionally unstable person. When she's normal, her attitude towards you is different from when she's not. You, as a child, have suffered a lot from your mother's emotional outbursts. This has long been considered "child abuse" overseas, and you should be taken away. In connection with what you said about "spoiling," your mother is using the term "spoiling" to justify her "domestic violence" against you. Perhaps she thinks that the more I love you, the more cruel I have to be to you, and you have to bear it. How long has your mother been subjecting you to domestic violence like this?

Her emotional state is clearly unstable. If it's been going on for a long time, she needs to go to the hospital for a check-up, which will also be good for her health.

I feel like a child, different from my peers. What should I do? This is not a psychological disorder. I will get over this personality.

You are a victim of your mother's emotions. It's time to grow up and learn to protect yourself.

When someone is frightened, they will react with "freeze, freeze, flee." When you were a child, your mother probably frightened you with this kind of behavior, which is why you are now timid and weak.

You are only 18 years old, so there's still time. You need to learn to grow and protect yourself.

For example, when your mother has a relapse, you can and should avoid her. If you notice that she is not in the right frame of mind, leave her, go out for a walk, go to a relative's house and hide there, and then go home when she has calmed down.

When she is emotionally agitated, she blocks herself with an object to reduce the extent to which she is exposed to violence.

You need support. Talk to your father or someone else about your fears and unbearable emotions and ask for help! You can also talk to a psychologist to relieve your tension.

Now that you are 18 years old, you should apply for a dormitory with the school and leave that environment first. In a new environment, you should make more friends. Young people are full of energy, and you are one of them, so you will be infected by that youthful vitality.

Once you're feeling better, you can start to grow yourself. Read books or seek help from the school's psychologist.

Read Embrace Your Inner Child, The Power of Self-Compassion, and other great self-healing and growth books!

Everyone who comes to this world has to practice some kind of homework. Some subjects come earlier, some later. This sentence is particularly good: "The world and I love you!"

You are not alone. There are many netizens and teachers here who can help you. You will get better, and you will do it slowly, but you will get better.

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

Your mother's behavior is to vent after scolding you. She treats you well, but it's like throwing candy at you. She's trying to make you forget the way she's treated you.

From your description, it's clear that your parents don't dote on you. They neglect you, treat you emotionally unstable, and are suddenly overcome with guilt when they're kind to you. They love you, but they're not qualified parents.

This way of educating you has made you a weak and timid character, afraid to fight back when facing abuse from your classmates.

Tell me, did you do something wrong when your mother insulted and hit you? Or did she just suddenly get emotional and treat you like that?

Here's the lowdown on your mother's behavior:

1. She is a person controlled by her emotions.

I don't know what your parents' relationship was like, but your father was often away from home because of work. This meant he was absent from your upbringing. Your mother's occasional beatings and verbal abuse had a significant impact on you. They made you fearful and timid in life. You never knew when your mother, who made you so afraid, would appear again and hurt you like this.

She is mentally very frustrated and projects her unhappiness onto you, using you as the object of her outbursts. When she vents, she is not targeting you. She is using you as the object of her projection, which is more likely to be your father.

2. She needs psychological counseling.

Your mother has lost control of herself when she is emotionally unstable. We don't know what has happened to her, nor did we notice her emotions when she first needed help. She may have been aware of them herself, but she ignored her emotions, which caused her to become like this and vent her emotions on you. After she came to her senses, she felt guilty, but she didn't face the situation, preferring to keep the vicious cycle going.

The mother's long-term influence on the questioner has been significant. The questioner can only make changes when the mother's situation improves. Otherwise, the questioner's efforts will still be affected by the mother's behavior and return to the original situation.

Get your mother to go for counseling. She needs to look directly at the problems within herself and let them go. Only then will your family become more normal.

I feel useless and incapable. I feel like a child, different from my peers. What should I do? Is this a psychological disorder? How do I change this personality?

Confront the problems brought to you by your family of origin.

The questioner may feel different from their peers and less inclined to do housework. This may be seen as a sign of their parents' love for them. However, this is not a sign of their parents' love for you. It is a form of deprivation and a way of preventing you from becoming independent and moving away from their care.

The character that the original family of the questioner has brought to himself is cowardly and timid. This is also a kind of perception of yourself. You know the problem and you know what you need to do to change. You can get rid of the influence that your original family has brought to you.

② Try to change.

Know the problem and solve it, and the problem will disappear. The questioner doesn't like this character of his own because the absence of his father has made him less exploratory. You don't need to rebel because you are capable. Now that you are an adult, you can start to rely on yourself.

You don't rebel against your mother's behavior, and you don't rebel against your classmates' similar behavior. You silently endure it and don't make a sound.

You're screaming and rebelling deep down inside, but your body controls you. Get out of this situation by becoming independent. If you feel like you can't do anything, learn slowly one thing at a time.

It's a smart society now, and if your parents didn't teach you, you can and should teach yourself. Start with the small household chores you need to complete, for example, how to wash clothes, how to cook, etc.

You must slowly distance yourself.

You've got this! What your parents have given you is more of a drain on you. Now that you are 18, it is also the age to go to university. Try living on your own so that your parents can have less influence on you. This is also a good time for you to try to become independent.

Your previous personality changes can be helped by exposure to optimistic and cheerful friends. If you want to change, other people may play a supporting role, but you are the biggest driving force. You will only achieve the success you want when you have ideas and take action.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner. Best wishes.