At 19, already employed, why do some people have no friends at all?

Hello!

From your question, I can tell you're feeling confused because you've started working and don't have any friends nearby, so you always feel like it's your own problem. First of all, I want to tell you that there's nothing wrong with you. You get along well with your boyfriend and family, and your leader also says you're very interesting, and your colleagues think you're very warm. But you feel like you don't have any friends, and this has been bothering you for a long time.

Everyone has a different idea of what a friend is, and the friends we have can be divided into lots of different types, including both ordinary friends and close friends. Your boss and colleagues are probably your ordinary friends, but you said that you used to have friends and that the relationship became more distant, so it seems like you're talking about your close friends here. It's possible that you're not very good at maintaining the relationship with your friends, and over time the relationship has become distant. If this is the case, you can take the initiative to send a text message to your old friends to say hello and enhance the relationship, or you can regularly meet up with friends to catch up and so on.

The lack of friends in your life:

1. It shows you're emotionally self-sufficient, or that your boyfriend and family already give you enough love, so you don't need much attention from friends.

2. It shows that you're a pretty independent person who can generally handle things on your own without bothering others. If you want to make friends, you can also bother your friends more often, give them a place to shine, and let them have a valuable presence in your life.

3. If you're happy with your social life and feel fulfilled, there's no issue. However, if you're looking to expand your network but facing obstacles, it might be worth exploring why.

In short, if you're happy with your lack of friends, there's no problem. If you're feeling troubled by it, you can also try to figure out why you don't have friends and then make the necessary changes.

Give the questioner a hug. It seems like this issue with friends has been on your mind for a while. Has something happened that's made you feel suddenly lost in this regard?

From what you've said, it seems like you have a lot going for you. Your boyfriend loves you, your family loves you, your boss thinks you're interesting, and your colleagues think you're warm. So why do you feel like you have a "serious problem" with friends?

People are funny. They often focus on what they've lost rather than what they've gained.

Instead of always asking if there's a problem, focus on keeping your family and work relationships strong.

Make the most of the present moment and get along better with the people who love you. Most importantly, love yourself first, no matter what.

If you want a butterfly to come to you, don't catch it. It'll be hard to do, and even if you do, it'll probably fly away again.

Instead, create a beautiful garden, and the butterflies will come fluttering by.

As you become more confident in yourself and your beliefs, you'll naturally attract friends who share your outlook on life.

Similarly, your relationships with others will also improve as you become more confident.

Of course, we can't expect everyone to like us. We're all different, after all.

You don't have to try to please anyone. If you get along, great. If not, that's okay too.

If you manage your expectations, you'll see that a lot of the trouble in many interpersonal relationships is unnecessary.

The reality is that having too many friends simply means that there aren't enough true friends.

We believe in quality over quantity.

Make the most of the present. You have a great time to enrich your inner self, and you can go to see the world with your boyfriend's family. There are so many beautiful things in life, and you don't have to be bound to a friendship. I wish you courage and fearlessness in your youth, and I hope you will meet true friends.

I'm 19 years old, I've already worked, and I don't have any friends around me. I always feel that it is my own problem, but the love my boyfriend and family have for me makes me feel that there is nothing wrong with me. My leader also says that I am a very interesting person, and my colleagues also think that I am a very warm person. I'm excited to find out why I just don't have any friends! This has been bothering me for a long time. I used to have friends, but then our relationships grew more and more distant. Is this the norm in life, or is there a serious problem with me?

Hello, host!

I can feel the loneliness and longing for friendship when you say this. It's so inspiring to see you facing self-rejection, self-doubt, and distress head-on. You're doing an amazing job!

In your written description, you mentioned that your boyfriend, family, leaders, and colleagues all love you, and you can feel it!

However, you mentioned twice in your speech that you don't have any "friends."

It seems that you are saying that you're looking for more than just love, family relationships, and workplace relationships—you're looking for the care and love of friends!

I'd love for you to take a moment to observe your own heart.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the characteristics of friends, love, family, and workplace relationships. What are the differences?

2. I'd love to hear your definition of a friend! And what should a friend be like in your mind?

3. What do you want from your friends? What is it about relationships of love and family that you would love to see different?

4. I'm so excited to hear more about what led to the subsequent estrangement of your friendship!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I try to be modest and consistent.

From your description, I can see that you are a very introspective person, which is a good thing. However, I feel that your tendency to over-introspect may sometimes lead you to experience some challenges. When faced with a problem, you always think about whether it is your problem.

Perhaps we could take a moment to reflect on your observation that you currently do not have any friends. You have mentioned that you previously had friends, but that you no longer do, and that you are currently working. In this situation, there may be a number of reasons for this confusion. Let's consider a few of them:

It's understandable that people in the workplace aren't always open to making friends. There are many differences between the psychology of people who go to work and people who go to school. People value different things, and their needs for friendship will also be different. This is something we can all work on together.

2. It is not uncommon for leaders and colleagues to hold you in high regard, even if they do not consider you a close friend. Your unique qualities and talents, which contribute to the success of your leaders, are seen as valuable, while your personal character may not always align with the expectations of your colleagues. Your sense of humor, wit, and modesty are seen as strengths, but they may also be perceived as competitive traits by those who view you as rivals.

3. You used to have friends, but you don't keep in touch with them anymore, which may indicate that you could benefit from some guidance in maintaining relationships. Every relationship requires attention and care if it is to last. If we neglect to maintain it, even a good relationship may face challenges. This is a common experience in the world and in interpersonal relationships.

Based on the above brief analysis, it is my hope that the questioner will gain a deeper understanding of themselves. Friendships are not about the number of people involved, but rather about having people in your life who love you and with whom you can spend quality time. It is not about quantity, but rather about finding happiness and fulfillment within yourself.

I hope this finds you well.

Dear Questioner, Thank you for your inquiry.

Some individuals are independent and prefer to live a solitary life. They are not inclined to engage in activities that may cause them inconvenience or trouble. They tend to rely on themselves and are not comfortable with the idea of disturbing others or being disturbed themselves. Additionally, they may possess limited interpersonal skills, which can hinder their ability to form and maintain friendships. It is unlikely that anyone would choose to be friends with someone who lacks these fundamental qualities.

An individual who lacks a single friend may be attributed to a number of potential causes.

A history of being hurt by a best friend can make it challenging to trust others. The adage "once bitten, twice shy" is illustrative of this phenomenon. Betrayal and deception from friends can create a defense mechanism that makes it difficult to form close relationships and trust others, which can further complicate the process of making friends.

2. [Preferring an independent life] As previously stated, this type of person tends to prefer an independent lifestyle. They are reluctant to owe favors to others, avoid burdening others with requests, and are inclined to resolve issues independently. Even in the face of challenges, they are unlikely to seek assistance from their friends and may instead turn to their relatives for support. They tend to avoid crowded environments and prefer a more solitary and tranquil lifestyle.

3. [Individuals with a proclivity for negative emotionality, irritability, and poor character traits] These individuals exhibit a greater degree of emotional volatility than they are capable of regulating, leading to frequent disagreements and conflicts with others. Our interpersonal relationships are often a reflection of the way we treat our own relationships. Forming friendships with individuals who exude a considerable amount of negative emotionality is akin to being in the company of a perpetual complainer. If one is characterized by a tendency to dwell on negative experiences, a pessimistic outlook, and a proclivity for perceiving the world through a lens of dissatisfaction, it is likely that few individuals will be inclined to form a close association with such a person.

④. [Friends are defined differently] Some people adhere to a strict definition of a friend. In the workplace, they may not be considered friends, but rather colleagues. Friends may be individuals who have endured challenges together and shared difficult experiences, or they may be individuals who have consistently provided support. Regardless of gender, friends are a type of relationship in which one treats the other as a reflection of oneself.

What are the essential qualities of a friendship?

The essential qualities of a friendship are sincerity and respect.

These two qualities are essential to the nature of a friendship. The presence of sincerity and respect indicates a valuation of the other person. The manner in which we treat others is reflected in their treatment of us in return. It is of the utmost importance to be sincere and to avoid self-centeredness. Friendship should be treated as a vital aspect of one's life and career.

It is important to maintain contact with friends and keep in touch.

This is the standard for a long-lasting friendship. In life, friends who do not maintain contact will gradually become estranged, creating a gap that will eventually result in the dissolution of the friendship. All relationships are maintained through long-lasting maintenance and contact. The absence of a friend will not significantly impact a person's life, as long as they have other sources of emotional support. However, a lack of friends can lead to a lack of emotional outlets, which can affect a person's overall well-being. When they cannot talk to their loved ones, they may keep their worries to themselves, which can result in feelings of isolation. When they encounter something happy and want to share it with others, they may realize that there is no one to share the joy with. Ultimately, a person who does not have a friend may experience loneliness.

The three views are consistent and interrelated.

Individuals with disparate worldviews are inherently incompatible and, consequently, are unlikely to collaborate effectively. Disputes are inevitable when there is a lack of alignment between their perspectives. For a friendship to flourish, it is essential that both parties espouse similar beliefs. Regardless of the specific viewpoint, it will evoke a certain degree of psychological empathy, fostering a sense of closeness in the relationship. Only when both parties adhere to a shared worldview can the relationship mature and endure.

Character is of paramount importance.

In the contemporary social and professional milieu, one's character is of paramount importance. The extent to which one is esteemed and admired by one's peers is contingent upon the quality of one's character.

It is therefore imperative that we endeavour to enhance our overall quality, unwaveringly establish a sound perspective on life and values, conduct ourselves with integrity and trustworthiness, and interact with others in a sincere manner. This will enable us to gain the recognition and acceptance of our peers, and facilitate the formation of more positive relationships.

In conclusion, it is inevitable that one will have friends throughout their lifetime. At times, feelings of loneliness may play a significant role, but it is essential to recognize that acknowledging these feelings can initiate a transformative process, prompting a deeper understanding of one's personal aspirations, the type of companions one seeks, and other crucial aspects of life.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information will prove beneficial to the individual who posed the initial query.

Hello, question asker!

Your account made it clear that you lack friends. It's undeniable that people need friends. We are social creatures, and we cannot survive alone.

I consider my childhood friends to be my real friends. The others are just acquaintances, either colleagues or acquaintances. I am grateful to have one true friend in my life!

You say you had friends in the past, but I want to know exactly when that was. What is your definition of a friend?

Some people believe that mere chatter or shared meals can forge a friendship. However, true friendship requires a deeper understanding, psychological support, the sharing of secrets, and a long-standing familiarity. Only those who have known each other since childhood, intimately acquainted with each other's lives, can truly be considered friends.

Friends are divided into three types: ordinary friends, good friends, and true friends.

Ordinary friends are the friends we often refer to as nodding acquaintances, like the friends we meet through a surprising introduction at a social gathering. We may have only had a few interactions with each other, and there may not have been a deep exchange, but we don't have a bad feeling about each other.

Good friends are friends with whom you have more contact in life, who can help each other and have similar worldviews. They also trust each other, and there are definitely fewer good friends than ordinary friends. Let's be real, the people who go all out are a minority.

Ordinary friends are simply nodding acquaintances. Good friends, on the other hand, are people who work together and have similar temperaments and dispositions.

True friends are few and far between. They're the people who know you inside out and understand the little things in your life.

True friends are people who can trust each other and share their lives with each other. They are people who can show their vulnerability to each other.

The second question is, "I used to have friends, but then we drifted apart."

Tell me why you became estranged. Did she take the initiative to distance herself from you, or did you take the initiative to distance yourself from the other person?

Know what kind of friends you want and why. If the other person takes the initiative to distance themselves from you, consider why.

I'm going to tell you how to make good friends.

1. Work hard to improve your own cultivation and let yourself shine from the inside out.

First, you need to know the kind of friends you want to make. Like attracts like, and everyone wants their friends to be excellent. So, if you want to make such friends, you must first improve yourself.

When you improve yourself, you will attract people who appreciate you. Be sincere with others, listen to them, and don't be self-centered.

You need to have a skill.

Friendships require common interests to survive. You must have a skill to have a common language with others, which provides more topics to discuss in our interactions. This is the only way a friendship can last.

3. Be helpful.

Everyone has difficult times. Help others often and you'll make a good impression. In the subway, you can help someone by reminding them their phone is ringing. When you next meet, you can greet them and chat.

Get involved in reunions with classmates and colleagues, and take part in other social activities. Be sincere and polite, and speak in a generous and appropriate manner.

Think from the other person's perspective.

This will help you make good friends.

Best wishes!

From your description, I can see a pattern in you: whenever a problem arises, you always first think about whether there is something wrong with you. Is it your own fault that you don't have any friends around you? But here's the good news! You can change this pattern. You can start thinking about what you can do to make things better. You can start thinking about what you can do to make more friends.

You have the power to bring your friends closer!

You've got to get some feedback from others to make sure everything's OK. Look at all the love your boyfriend and family show you, and all the great things your leaders and colleagues say about you. But if you've got nothing wrong with you, why don't you have any friends?

So you have some questions about this.

It all depends on you! You have the power to make friends or not. All it takes is a little desire and initiative. If you want friends, go out there and find them! Connect with people who share your values and enjoy the same things. Hang out with them and make memories. You never know who you'll meet or what amazing things you'll discover!

If you don't want to communicate with others, you may become self-isolated, but there's no need to worry! You can still connect with others and make friends.

Are you an active or passive friend-maker? How do you react when someone takes the initiative and signals that they want to make friends with you?

And the best part is that you can make your friendship last as long as you want it to! All you need is to find common ground with your friends and a shared circle of friends.

For example, you may not be as close to friends who have gotten married and had children, as they have their own social circles. But that's okay! Sometimes the distance between friends is a normal part of life, and sometimes it may be because the two of you have had a conflict. It depends on the specific situation.

You've got this! Stay strong!

Good morning,

I extend my best regards to you. It is important to recognize that the lack of friends can contribute to feelings of loneliness and a reduced sense of self-worth. However, it is also essential to understand that the formation of friendships is often influenced by factors beyond our control. For individuals with a deep connection, despite the presence of obstacles, the opportunity for an unchanging friendship remains. Conversely, those with a more superficial connection may learn valuable lessons through their experiences.

The term "friend" literally translates to "two-month-old appearance companion." The sentiment evoked by a friend is that of a constant sense of being "accompanied." The picture book "Friends" by Japanese writer Shuntaro Tanikawa resonates with adults in a profound manner. Regardless of age, the essence of a friend is to "have each other in their heart." The author captures this sentiment in the following passage:

What is the definition of a friend?

"Friends are individuals with whom you can share confidential information that you would not typically divulge to your parents," "Friends are individuals with whom you always want to spend time," and "Friends are individuals with whom you miss even when they are not present."

He also noted that even non-human beings can be friends, citing the example of the young boy in the picture book and the happy puppy running. Friendships are not constrained by national borders, and we can also form friendships with refugee children in Africa, for example. The author wrote that friends provide people with very direct feelings and a deep meaning, but often we are busy with life and limited in our thinking.

If you are seeking new connections, it is advisable to take the initiative and reach out to others.

[Take the initiative to address your inner needs and turn passive behavior into proactive action.]

If you want to be understood, it is advisable to go out and make friends. There is no need to have a specific purpose; it is sufficient to be able to care about each other and get along. If you suppress your inner needs instead of addressing them, there is a risk of developing self-doubt and self-negation, which may result in the perception that you do not deserve to have friends. The reality may be that your current social circle is limited. It is possible to find friends who share the same interests through conceptual sharing, whether in real life or on the Internet. Such active approaches will inevitably make the feeling of unworthiness gradually disappear.

[Do not idealize the situation and conduct an objective assessment of the social environment.]

Why is it that when you were a child, you had numerous friends, but as you matured, you sought to establish new connections but encountered difficulty?

It is not a personal issue for the original poster, but rather a matter of environmental factors influencing the formation of friendships. After graduation, individuals tend to pursue diverse career paths and relocate to different regions. Each person advances towards their own goals, and life's frustrations are also intertwined. This creates a temporal limitation on the depth of friendship, as they cannot be sustained for an extended period. Following separation, friendships are relocated to a new environment, where the people and circumstances are unfamiliar and distinct. The emergence of friendships hinges on compatibility, which sets the foundation for the inception of friendship. Consequently, it is not unusual to have no friends when away from home.

When we comprehend the idealized environment of friends, we can comprehend the differences in the objective environment, form friendships with greater tolerance, and gradually effect change. However, to form friendships from the heart, it requires a gradual process and depends on the inner will of both people.

[Affirm yourself and live actively]

The questioner is currently 19 years old and has not yet reached her 20th birthday. It is understandable that she is experiencing difficulties in managing her emotions when faced with feelings of loneliness, given that she has not yet developed a strong sense of self-reliance. Being independent is not just a slogan; it is a quality that adults must possess when they interact with the world. We must learn to be self-sufficient and to develop a sense of self-worth. By pursuing an active lifestyle, we can foster the resilience and social skills needed to build meaningful relationships.

Let's proceed.

Hello, I'm Yiya Tree, and I'd be happy to help you work through this issue.

From what you've written, it's clear that the people around you think highly of you. They see you as warm and interesting and give you a lot of love. This shows that you often display a relatively good social personality when dealing with others. For example, you care about others, are willing to help others, and like to use humor to lighten the mood.

It's important to understand that the way we present ourselves to the world isn't always an accurate reflection of our inner selves.

Have you heard of the term "social personality mask"? It's a personality aspect we develop to fit in with society. This part of our personality helps us adapt to our surroundings and get along with others. We know deep down that playing an active, humorous, optimistic, and enthusiastic role in society will make people like us and we'll have more friends. So, we've unconsciously developed this personality trait.

But this personality trait isn't really you, and you can't show your true self, which is why you feel like you have no friends, as you said in your text.

Why do you think you don't have any friends?

Your true self feels lonely, and you know that the positive comments from those around you are really comments on your social personality mask. You need a friend who really understands you, someone who can show you more of your true self, tell you what's on their mind, and express your true emotions.

As a newcomer to society, you can't find such a person in your environment. The people around you are more social and work-related. Even if you have an intimate relationship, not all your thoughts can be fully disclosed in an intimate relationship. You feel very lonely inside, even when you are in a crowd. You feel this way because a certain part of you that is deeper inside cannot be seen and expressed in the world. This is why you want to have friends so badly. After feeling that you don't have any real friends, you will feel lost and sad.

My advice is that if you can't find the right friends in your current environment for the time being, focus on getting along with yourself first.

It means learning to be your own friend, to understand and connect with the deepest part of yourself. For example, keeping a diary is a great way for women to explore themselves. You can find a private space to write down your inner emotions at night. You don't need to be so logical, just write. See what deep desires you have that you haven't noticed in your relationships with others. After you've finished writing, take some time to reflect on what you've written.

You know yourself best, so it's important to be there for yourself.

If you're looking to make friends in real life, I'd suggest taking more interest classes and joining more interest groups. You're more likely to make friends with people who share your interests in these places. However, the colleagues and leaders you usually get along with are more likely to be related to work, and it's difficult to develop a close friendship with them.

Finally, I want to say that it's pretty common for friends to drift apart. This is because in the past, you had common needs and interests. As your own inner needs and perceptions change, your relationship may no longer be suitable, and you'll naturally drift apart.

For instance, many close friends and classmates from school have drifted apart because after adulthood, everyone's life plans, social circles, and goals have changed, there are fewer topics to talk about, and there is less overlap.

If you don't meet these new needs and circumstances, it's also important to take care of yourself and find companionship.

Wishing you the best.

Good day, question asker. I am Shushu.

I am truly honored to have had the opportunity to meet you here at Yi Xin Li.

I noticed your question and I believe you are seeking friendship. Would you be open to a conversation?

If I understand correctly, you're saying that you don't have any friends in your immediate circle. Could I ask you to define for me what you understand by the term "friend"?

It is understandable that everyone has a different concept of what makes a friend. While some people may choose to have a smaller circle of friends, this is perfectly normal. Friendship is undoubtedly one of our most important relationships and a vital source of support. However, it is important to recognise that everyone perceives friends differently. Some may choose to classify their friends according to the degree of intimacy, for example, into general friends and close friends. This is not a definitive list, and some people may fall into more than one category.

Friendship is also one of our important interpersonal relationships and one of our support systems. However, everyone perceives friends differently, and sometimes they can be classified, for example, according to the degree of intimacy. You may meet some people in your life who are just casual friends with whom you have had some contact but not a deep interaction. So you may lack close friends, but you may also lack friends at all.

The circle of friends we often talk about can sometimes include different types of friends, such as a group of friends who go hiking outdoors, friends who go shopping together, etc. If you feel your life has been a bit monotonous in the past, you might like to consider trying to find people with similar experiences to interact with according to your interests and hobbies.

It is important to remember that the lack of friends does not necessarily indicate a personal deficiency. The process of meeting and getting to know people is often influenced by factors beyond our control. When you are together, it is valuable to express appreciation and treat each other with kindness and respect.

When a friendship comes to an end, it's natural for friends to go their separate ways and live their own lives. It's not uncommon for friendships to evolve and change for various reasons, and this is something we all experience in our lives. Nothing stays the same forever.