At first it was good, but then she started to demand a lot from me, and I became a bit disappointed with my colleagues.

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused right now. I'm here to support you!

You're having some interpersonal issues. Let me give you a warm hug again.

I think it's possible that your colleague is in the following situation:

At first, she only makes a few requests that you think are no big deal, so you go along with them?

Then, she might start to think of you as a good-natured person or someone who is easy to get along with.

So, she'll probably start making more and more requests of you.

It's kind of like testing your boundaries.

Right now, you need to learn to say no to her requests.

Otherwise, she might make more and more demands on you, and you'll probably feel pretty uncomfortable spending time with her.

In this situation, there are two things you can do.

One option is to be open and honest with her about what you're thinking.

The other option is to maintain a certain distance from her unless it's work-related.

I really hope you can resolve the issue you're having soon.

That's all I can think of for now.

I hope my answer was helpful and inspiring. I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world. Best wishes!

Good morning, My name is Jiang 61, and I am here to answer your questions.

I can see that you are concerned about your colleague's shift in demeanor from gentle to assertive, and I understand your mixed feelings. Let's examine the reasons for your discomfort and potential solutions.

1. There is a discrepancy in your perceptions of the relationship.

I have carefully reviewed your description of the relationship with your colleague. You have consistently viewed her as a colleague with whom you have a positive rapport. This positive interaction has led to a favorable impression of her.

I believe she shares your perspective.

Subsequently, you had assumed that the two of you would have a productive working relationship. However, she has taken her concerns to the next level.

She is seeking to establish a stronger, more collaborative relationship, and is therefore increasing her expectations of you.

I am unsure if she is your colleague or a leader and colleague. If she is a leader and colleague, this is a reasonable assumption, and it is natural that it is good for you to be strong and demanding in order to facilitate the success of your subordinates.

If she is simply your colleague, she may have some ideas.

In summary, the discrepancy in your perceptions of the relationship between the two has resulted in a shift in behavior, which is the source of your internal discontent.

2⃣️, You wish to reverse the positive actions you have taken for her.

You have indicated that you wish to reclaim the kindness you previously extended to her. This suggests that you are unable to accept the limitations placed upon you by external parties. You appear to prefer to act in accordance with your own principles.

When you feel controlled, you experience discomfort and wish to avoid further interaction.

You believe that if you are not cordial to her, she will not have many demands on you. This is merely one method of resolving the issue. In reality, there is a more effective approach: communicating effectively.

3⃣️ Communicate in a frank and open manner.

There is no need to choose to run away or to compromise your position and agree with others. Communication can also help you regain control of the situation.

You may inform her of your feelings when she persists in making requests of you that you are unwilling to comply with. The following sentence structure may be used:

Your recent request has caused me some concern. I hope you will respect my wishes in this matter.

I believe that after hearing your thoughts, she understood your feelings and considered how to interact with you. Respect your personal decisions.

4. Between colleagues

After analyzing the situation, it became evident that there are friendships, colleague relationships, and romantic relationships among the colleagues.

Effective relationship management requires more than just a method. Caring, communicating, and helping can all be used to solve problems in a caring manner.

If you are experiencing concerns, it may be an indication that you are not employing the most effective strategies. Learning to approach challenges with a positive mindset and identify appropriate solutions is crucial for success in both your personal and professional lives.

I wish you the utmost success and happiness.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and self-effacing, just like always.

♥Life should be like the beginning.

It's tough for two people to meet in a crowd. It's even tougher when you're attracted to someone and decide to work together. It's not always easy to get along with someone you've just met. And there are bound to be some issues that make you realize the other person isn't who you thought they were.

People have always imagined how wonderful it would be if life were just like the beginning. They can retain the sincerity and love, curiosity and joy, beauty and anticipation at the beginning. However, the truth is that as we get to know each other, we get closer and closer to the more authentic person. In the same way, our feelings change.

Psychologists call it "impression management." It's a term used by people who are meeting for the first time or who want to maintain a good image for a long time. They set high standards for themselves. This influences us when we first meet, and we only discover it's not the case in the depths of our relationship. A relationship that wants to develop long-term will inevitably go through this experience.

♥ Lower your expectations. Distance creates beauty.

In our interactions with others, we always have certain expectations of each other, whether we mean to or not. This inevitably leads to a state of mixed emotions, where we are happy with the process but not the result. However, dear questioner, you must understand that this is a common challenge in human interactions.

This is the root of the conflict between people getting along, and it is also a test for us. We must learn to balance our own state of mind, communicate effectively, and be honest enough. These are things we should think about in depth. While our current situation may seem bad, it can also make us learn to think, which is not a bad thing.

Distance creates beauty. As we get to know each other, we will choose those we can get close to and understand the fundamentals of those we cannot. We must maintain the relationship we want to keep. It is always like this with the people around us: we demand what we demand and are casual and carefree when we can.

Best wishes.

Hello, question asker!

You have a good relationship with your colleague, but you feel like he's asking a lot of you. This relationship makes you feel a bit conflicted and you want to back off.

Someone once made this analogy: each of us is a hedgehog, wanting to get close to each other for warmth in the cold winter, but afraid of getting pricked by the other's quills. So we keep moving forward, testing, retreating, and wavering.

We all want good friendships, but everyone has traits that make the other person feel uncomfortable. We're also not sure if the other person can accept us completely, so we look for the right person in the crowd and slowly approach. As we get closer, sometimes the feelings of both sides are different, and if the pace is not consistent, it can lead to some disharmony.

This is probably how your relationship with your colleague is right now. At first, you both had a good feeling about each other, so you slowly got closer and established a preliminary friendship. You are probably a bit slower to warm up or have a stronger sense of boundaries, while your colleague wants to get to a deeper level of friendship faster than you do.

She might be asking you for more things because she already considers you a good friend and thinks you won't mind.

It's also possible that she's a strong person who just didn't dare show her true self when you two were not yet familiar with each other.

In any case, if you feel uncomfortable with her demands, you need to speak up and tell her you don't like her being too demanding. If you don't let her know that you don't like it, she'll think it's okay to ask for more and more, and one day you'll be in a tough spot.

It's clear you're generally satisfied with this friend, but you're a bit uncomfortable with the demands she makes on you. You want to maintain this friendship, but you also want to speak up about your feelings.

A good relationship is one where both people can grow and be nourished. If you're honest with her, she'll be honest with you.

Relationships are like this: we keep getting closer, sometimes taking a step back, then trying again. Throughout the process, it's important to remain sincere and respectful, and to remember to put your own feelings first.

You'll learn more and more about how to handle relationships and build better friendships.

My name is Haru Aoki, and I want to say that I love you—the world and I love you.

Hello, My name is Jia Ao, and I'm not here to cause any trouble.

I can see the issues you're facing on the platform. You're currently experiencing difficulties in your professional relationship with a colleague. In the workplace, it is possible to meet colleagues you can communicate with and gradually develop a rapport. You mentioned that you had a positive initial interaction, but then you encountered a series of demands and found her behavior to be somewhat dominant. This led to significant distress and a desire to distance yourself from her. Additionally, you're uncertain about the best way to interact with her moving forward.

To assist you in analyzing and organizing your issue:

[No one is perfect in this world]

It is not uncommon for colleagues to have differing levels of compatibility. Some form strong bonds, while others do not. You and your colleague initially had a positive rapport due to your limited familiarity. However, as you gain more insight into her character, you may identify shortcomings that initially went unnoticed. It is essential to recognize that individuals are not perfect and that expectations should be realistic.

[Consider friendships from an objective and impartial perspective]

It is important to recognise that people have two sides to them: a gentle side and a strong side. Focusing on the matter at hand and not the person is a constructive approach. If there is a mutual understanding and tolerance, it is possible to maintain a positive working relationship. You have mentioned that your colleague's demands are increasing. This is an area that can be discussed and resolved through effective communication. You can perform the tasks within your capabilities, and if there are limitations, you can politely decline. There is no obligation to obey her instructions unquestioningly.

[Establish a mutually beneficial and constructive way of working together]

Given that you felt positive at the outset, it is evident that you were attracted to each other at the beginning. This indicates that your colleague possesses admirable qualities that you admire, and that you are both willing to make sincere efforts for each other. It is likely that you will continue to get along well, provided that you establish a mutually beneficial way of working together, communicate effectively with each other, maintain an intimate bond, and also maintain a sense of boundary and distance. It is important to avoid interfering with each other's work too much or attempting to control each other. The current issue is that you feel that your colleague has made too many demands, so it would be beneficial to communicate effectively to identify where there has been a misunderstanding.

[Resolve conflicts between each other in a reasonable manner]

You are currently experiencing difficulties and disagreements. Avoidance is not a productive strategy. Expressing frustration or regret will not facilitate resolution. It is essential to engage in constructive dialogue to address the underlying issues. Resisting the conversation will only exacerbate the situation. It is crucial to communicate your genuine concerns in a clear and respectful manner. If you are committed to maintaining a positive relationship, initiate a discussion. If you are not, it is equally important to communicate that clearly. It is preferable to conclude the relationship on good terms than to remain in an unsatisfactory situation.

Avoid overdoing self-projection.

[Self-projection] is defined as the externalization of internal psychology. This occurs when individuals judge others based on their own standards, project their own emotions and will characteristics onto others, and assume that others should be the same. As a result, individuals often make inaccurate assessments of others' emotions and intentions, distort others' wishes, and create obstacles in interpersonal communication. For example, "judging a gentleman by the standards of a scoundrel." (Theory from Baidu Encyclopedia)

A normal friendship should be based on mutual acceptance, tolerance, and understanding. Regardless of the other person's characteristics, it is possible to accept them without attempting to change or influence them. The relationship should be characterized by tolerance and understanding, with both parties maintaining their individual autonomy and providing support to each other. This approach can facilitate the development of a virtuous cycle, leading to a long-lasting and stable relationship.

I hope my response is helpful. Best regards, [Name]

Hello, friend! I'm Destruction and Regeneration, the Yi Psychology answerer. I'm so honored to be able to answer your questions on the Yi Psychology platform. I can tell from reading your question that you're feeling distressed. Let me give you a warm hug (づ ●─● )づ.

From your description, it seems like you haven't shared a very specific account of your colleague's situation. You've used the word "feel" six times in the text and the comment box, which is interesting! It reminds me of a saying from Gestalt psychology: "The facts we think are true in our hearts often have a greater impact on people's emotions and behaviors than objective reality!" You can try to realize whether what you feel is really true.

It would also be really helpful for you to try to make your evaluation of her more concrete. So, in what ways does your so-called tenderness manifest itself? And in what ways does your so-called strength manifest itself?

I'd love to hear some examples if you wouldn't mind sharing!

It's totally normal to feel a bit lost when you're trying to picture what someone will say or do. We all do it! It's just that you've already imagined what you thought she'd say or do, and now it's different. That's okay! It just means there's a little bit of a psychological gap.

Take a moment to think about it. What image did you have of her before? How does her actual performance compare to your expectations?

I'd love to hear more about these questions if you're willing to share!

Everyone is a beacon, whether they're asking questions or answering them. Through words, they can illuminate the hearts of many people, and this is the energy that belongs to us all!

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach. I feel a little of your emotions because there is a situation with a colleague you get along with. Let's dive right in and take a look at the problem together!

?1. Inequality in the relationship triggers anger

You two work together and get along well. You consider her a friend and express your friendship and goodwill.

However, in the time that followed, you felt her dominance and her various demands on you, which made you feel uncomfortable. This is because deep down, the "equal" relationship or balance between you was broken.

In interpersonal relationships, many people like to be "on top," violating the rule of "equal sharing" between people. Her dominance and demands on you make you feel "controlled" and even have a sense of "oppression."

2. The expectation of not being met, resulting in a sense of frustration.

Behind every emotion is an unmet need. You feel the inequality between you, and you're disappointed. But you're also excited to figure out what you need to feel worthy of respect and trust!

Because everyone longs to be seen, respected, accepted, and recognized. And her strength makes you feel that you are worthy of respect and trust!

This situation is a great opportunity to connect with your emotions and recognize how being treated unequally has affected you. It's like welcoming a long-lost friend!

Because emotions are sending you an incredibly important message!

Seeing gives you the right to choose! We are the masters of our emotions and are not led by them.

3. Empathize and see more possibilities!

We're so used to measuring a person or an event using our own values and feelings! A colleague makes you feel very strong and keeps making demands on you.

This is based on your feelings and your perspective, which is great because it means you can make your own choices!

Maybe it's just some inherent pattern of behavior. We all have patterns that we're used to, such as being positive or pessimistic, being grateful or complaining, and so on. And you know what? That's totally okay!

These patterns that we have solidified will be unconsciously brought into our various relationships. The good news is that we can change this! All we have to do is think from other people's perspectives and view problems from more angles. This will help us see the truth of more problems, thereby giving ourselves more choices.

Let's enhance communication and understanding!

Colleagues and friends are absolutely fantastic for building great interpersonal relationships! There's so much interaction, and it's a breeze to listen and empathize.

You can express your views and feelings directly to your colleagues! There's no need to be targeted. Just communicate sincerely and exchange opinions. You'll gain a deeper understanding of each other and enhance your relationship and friendship.

"This is the time to practice!" Learning from others is a fantastic way to improve yourself. You can reflect and grow from your colleagues and your interactions with them. This is the best gift this relationship can give you!

I really hope the above is helpful to you! And I just want to say that the world and I love you! ??

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd love to keep chatting with you one-on-one and see how we can grow together!

Hello, This colleague was nice to you, but she was also dominant. This made you feel a sense of loss. It's hard to love and hate someone at the same time.

A good explanation shows that you like your colleague. You can get along with her right away. You are also a kind person.

Everyone is imperfect. You find that she is a bit demanding, which makes you feel uncomfortable. But you have not denied her because of this, and you can still see that she is good to you, so you have no intention of withdrawing your kindness. You would rather bear the disappointment yourself, which shows that you are kind and your friend has not misjudged you.

People with different personalities and backgrounds will always have some areas of disagreement. Friends with similar personalities may have a lot of empathy, but there will always be differences.

The goal of getting to know someone is not to change them, but to find the right distance between you. You can only stay together for a long time when you're both comfortable. Here's some advice on handling relationships:

1. Set boundaries.

Know your own boundaries and understand the other person's. Don't cross them.

It's wrong to force yourself or others to stay in a relationship.

Use positive expressions.

If someone makes you uncomfortable, tell them. Don't hide it. Say what you feel in a positive way. Start with "I," speak in an affirmative tone, and avoid making the other person feel accused or judged.

For example, "Are you uncomfortable when you don't make demands on others?" can be replaced with "I feel uncomfortable when I am asked for something."

3. Be empathetic.

A person's behavior is based on what they want, which can be conscious or subconscious. When there are problems in a relationship, communication is key.

It's important to understand why someone makes a request of you. It's also important to help them explore unconscious motives. You can tell them why you're curious and how it would affect them if you complied or didn't.