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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Hello, question asker.
From what I can gather from your message, it seems that you and your mother have some differences of opinion and perhaps even some unresolved issues between you. It's understandable that you feel a bit helpless in the situation and are looking for ways to find some distance from it.
It would be fair to say that the influence of our mothers on us is considerable, at least from the moment of birth. Many of our behaviours and thoughts are closely linked to our mothers.
It is possible that, whether you agree with your mother or not, after many years, we may even begin to feel that we are becoming more and more like our mothers.
When I was young, I had similar feelings to what you describe. While I was trying to meet my mother's expectations and suppress my dissatisfaction, I also felt the need to rebel and escape her influence.
However, even after she had left, I found it challenging to fully escape her influence. When I was motivated to take action, her discouraging and sarcastic words would sometimes cross my mind, and occasionally even come out of my mouth.
It could be said that the way a mother treats you is reflective of how the world treats you.
In order to improve my situation, I decided to study psychology. I began to reflect on my experiences and re-evaluate the impact of my mother's influence. I started to learn to accept and view my experiences from a different perspective, and how they have shaped my life. I also began to reconcile with my mother and with myself.
I hope that by sharing these thoughts with you, I can help you to understand that
It is often the case that how our parents treat us depends on their perceptions and the conclusions they drew from life when they were young.
If they did not have the opportunity to grow up in an environment of tolerance and love, without awareness and learning, they may find it challenging to tolerate and love others. Instead, they may tend to view themselves and those around them with a critical eye.
I believe that if you can view your mother from this perspective, you may find that your complaints decrease and you feel better.
How might you go about improving your current relationship with your mother?
I hope you will find the following communication methods helpful.
Firstly, it is important to consider what we would like the other person to know and understand before we begin communicating. Secondly, it is helpful to ensure that we are in a stable emotional state throughout the communication process.
In order to communicate effectively, it would be beneficial to consider the following:
1. It would be best to focus on the facts and avoid judging them.
2. It would be best to focus on discussing your feelings and hopes, rather than dwelling on complaints or accusations.
3. It is important to allow the other person sufficient time to express themselves. At the same time, it is crucial to listen carefully and be aware of your own feelings.
4. It may be helpful to provide feedback to the other person about your feelings, and to continue to adhere to rules 1 and 2 in subsequent communication.
For instance, in the scenario described in the message, you might consider saying to your mother: "Mom, I believe I left the door and the light on. I'm a bit tired from work today, and I feel a bit under the weather. I'm not feeling well, so I'm going to rest for a while. I'll get up in a bit to get some water. I didn't turn off the light. I'm sorry you feel that way. It makes me feel bad when you're so critical. I hope you can show some concern for me first!"
Through this kind of communication, you can express your thoughts and feelings in a way that is respectful and considerate, so that you don't feel aggrieved, and also set a good example for your mother, showing her how to properly express her true feelings and thoughts without hurting others.
Similarly, when your mother responds, it would be helpful to try to remain calm and aware of your own feelings in the moment. You might then be able to express these feelings to her in a calm tone of voice, which could help her to understand how her actions and words affect you.
I would like to suggest that you and your mother read "Nonviolent Communication."
I believe that opening up heart-to-heart communication is the foundation of a harmonious relationship. I hope that through your efforts, you will be able to improve your relationship with your mother.
I hope this is helpful.
I hope things work out for you!
June 3, 2022
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Comments
It sounds like you're going through a really tough time with your mom. It's frustrating when the person who's supposed to support you seems to do the opposite. I can understand how her reactions make you feel unwelcome and unappreciated, especially when you're already dealing with health issues and exhaustion. Maybe it's worth having an open conversation about how her comments affect you and set some boundaries for both of you.
Feeling like your happiness triggers your mother's negativity must be incredibly draining. It seems like there's a pattern where she reacts harshly even to small things, which can make you feel like you're walking on eggshells at home. Perhaps finding a way to express your feelings without blaming her could help. Sometimes, people don't realize the impact of their actions until it's brought to their attention gently.
Your situation with your mom is heartbreaking. It's hard to feel safe and supported when someone close to you responds this way. It might be helpful to seek advice from a counselor or therapist who can offer guidance on how to handle these interactions. They can also provide strategies for maintaining your mental health while navigating this challenging relationship.