By exploring and learning, achieve self-acceptance, yet still struggle to accept the past self?

From your description, it is evident that you have endured significant challenges during your personal growth process, which have had a profound impact on you. Before proceeding with the discussion of this issue, if you permit, I would like to extend my support and offer you a gesture of warmth and solidarity.

You stated that during your formative years, your mother frequently treated you with indifference and disregard, instilling in you a sense of unworthiness and inadequacy. Additionally, you reported that your mother employed psychological manipulation, asserting that your father would have divorced you long ago had it not been for her.

These words have become deeply ingrained in my psyche, evoking feelings of guilt and self-reproach. I am led to believe that my very existence was a source of distress for my mother, particularly given the difficulties she was experiencing in her marriage. It is possible that at that juncture, you were motivated by a desire to avoid causing your mother further distress, and thus endeavoured to "take care of and love my mother" in the manner you felt was appropriate at the time. As you have previously observed, "From childhood to adulthood, I watched my mother's face, behaved well, tried to be good, and did my best to make her happy. But it was also my ingratiating personality that made me prone to self-blame and anxiety." It is important to emphasise that these circumstances are not a reflection of your personal responsibility. The individual most accountable for the trajectory of my mother's marriage is, in fact, my mother herself, rather than you.

Given that you have indicated that you have emerged from this situation, that your children are achieving excellent grades and are well-educated, I posit that you are not only kind but also someone who is willing to learn and constantly improve. Over the years, these excellent qualities must have helped you succeed in many ways. It is therefore reasonable to suggest that these qualities will continue to assist you in the future.

When one states that they are willing to forgive their former self, it is imperative that they first extend that same compassion and understanding to themselves. This is because, in that particular situation, they were operating from a place of love and care for their mother, which ultimately took precedence over their own needs. In the future, it may be beneficial to consider adjusting this sequence and prioritizing self-love before extending it to others.

Finally, we will address the question of whether it is possible to forgive a mother-in-law who has caused harm. It is possible that once one has forgiven their mother and former self, their attitude towards their mother-in-law may also change.

The aforementioned perspectives are solely my own, intended for informational purposes only. It is imperative to prioritize self-care.

Good evening! I'm sending you a 360-degree hug.

First, it's important to know that the human body's renewal cycle is usually about 120 to 200 days. Every 6 to 7 years, the cells in our body are replaced with new ones. There is one exception to this rule, though. The brain, bone marrow, and nerve cells in the eyes have a lifespan of several decades, which is almost the same as the lifespan of the human body.

There's another question that's a bit more complex: Are you still the same person you were six or seven years ago? The vast majority of your body's cells have been replaced.

It doesn't matter whether you forgive or not, the old you is gone. Of course, you could say that nerve cells and brain cells aren't renewed, so I'm still me.

So, how do you decide whether or not to forgive your old self from years ago?

I'll be the first to admit that I've been confused by myself too. What I'm trying to say is that, even if you forgive your former self, your former self is still unable to respond.

Of course, it can affect the way you currently think and act.

My general approach to the unforgivable is to not forgive it, to put the unforgivable self in a package and put it in a corner of the heart, and then start living a new life. Just like this year's hit movie "Sifu," if the internal conflict cannot be resolved, then split the conflicting self off and put it aside.

Then you can focus on growing the self you want.

You might think this is like an ostrich policy, but in my opinion, it doesn't matter if you're an ostrich or not. As long as you can make your heart feel at peace and you don't affect other people's lives, that's enough.

If you're dealing with an unforgivable self, don't forgive. Just move on.

As for other people who are difficult to forgive, do the same. End the relationship with them.

I'm often a Buddhist and sometimes a positive and motivated counselor. I love the world and I love you.

Dear questioner,

Hello, my dear friend! We don't accept it because we judge what is good or bad. First, let's stop judging and find the positive meaning of the past self. Think about the past self's perception, abilities, environment, and interpersonal relationships at that time. Did the past self try hard? How many methods did it try?

Then we can even communicate with our past selves a little! It's a great idea to write a letter to your past self to express your gratitude for the good life you now have and thank your past self because they're the reason you now cherish what you have.

And finally, you can give yourself a hug, or find a family member to give you a hug, and feel the love and acceptance in your body and mind, and be grateful for the gift of life.

The best way to forgive your mother-in-law for hurting you is to get to know her, to understand her, to understand everything she has been through, to understand her family of origin, to understand her motives for hurting you, just as we understand everything we have been through. If we cannot forgive others, we cannot truly forgive ourselves, because we all make mistakes and hurt others without meaning to.

It's so important to remember that we must separate the person from the mistake. We can reject the wrongdoing, but we can accept the soul that made the mistake.

If you're still struggling to write a letter or forgive, it's okay! Give yourself some time (or seek help if you need it).

Hello!

Your childhood sounds similar to mine. I was also raised with cold violence and anxiety. I watched my mother's face every day and formed a pleasing personality. I understand how you feel.

A child's personality is formed before age six. Parents' love, companionship, recognition, and attention shape a child's need for love and recognition. This can affect an adult's interpersonal interactions.

A famous psychologist said, "How we were treated as children affects how we see ourselves."

If we feel good, popular, and loved when we are young, this will affect our whole life. It will also make us not give up when we encounter rejection or think that we are unloved. People with this kind of positive mindset will generally be self-accepting.

If you think you're bad, unpopular, and loathsome, you'll believe it. If you don't change, it'll stay with you.

Even if you're successful and loved, you still feel unworthy.

Many things are hard to let go of even though they happened a long time ago. These traumas affect our character, attitude, and how we deal with people and things.

But the past is the past. You can't change it. You can only change how you think about it.

Our emotions are not caused by events. They are caused by how we perceive and interpret events. If you want to change your emotions, start by changing how you perceive and interpret the event.

If you keep blaming yourself and others, you'll never move on. Instead, think about how we were young and needed our parents to survive. This made us suppress our anger and please them. We did this to survive.

Also, look at our original family. My mother grew up in a family that valued boys over girls and had a short temper. The family was poor, so they raised the children on their own. My mother didn't pay much attention to me when I was young. When I was four or five, she let me stay at home alone with my younger brother. She also had a short temper with me.

This is what she learned in her original family, so she also applies it to her children.

Find out what kind of environment your mother grew up in. Look at it from a different perspective.

The past self has suffered a lot of injustice. I have begun to explore and change myself. This is painful, but it has a positive side. Everything has pros and cons. If we learn to look at things dialectically, we may feel more relieved.

Accepting the past is accepting yourself, forgiving your imperfections, and finding beauty in life.

You will find there are many good things in life.

Live in the present and keep learning. Reconnect with your family and let go of those who hurt you.

Take your time. You will live your life to the fullest because you are on the path to change.

I love you, world.

Good day. I appreciate your willingness to share your story. I can relate to your feelings. Adolescence is a period of intense emotional experience, encompassing regret, remorse, acceptance, and a host of other complex emotions.

Let me offer you a warm embrace. The process of maturation is a universal experience. It is important to recognize and appreciate the capacity to learn and perceive, which enables personal growth and healing.

Let us direct our attention to the concept of "hatred" and its relationship to the act of forgiveness.

Anger can be defined as a complex emotional state that encompasses fear, anxiety, and helplessness when circumstances deviate from expectations, needs are unmet, or violations occur.

Anger is a defensive mechanism that serves to protect us from further harm. However, when the underlying cause of the anger is not addressed, it can manifest as hatred. Hatred can take two forms: hatred of others and hatred of oneself.

As previously stated, the emotional consequences of such mistreatment can be long-lasting.

As previously stated, your mother's cold violence and verbal violence towards you during your childhood caused significant distress and undermined your sense of self-worth, leading to a persistent belief in your unworthiness and undeserving nature.

Hate is an emotion that is more damaging than anger. If anger is a form of self-punishment for the mistakes of others, then hate can be considered a form of self-abuse for the same reasons.

Anger is a transient emotion, whereas hatred is a more enduring state of mind. When anger gives way to hatred, the consequences can be significant. Hatred is a chronic condition that precludes the possibility of happiness, as it consumes one's life.

Not only does hatred exert a considerable amount of pressure on the individual, but it can also transform the very characteristics of the person who harbors hatred into those that are hated.

Anger is the precursor to hatred; thus, the root cause of hatred is the experience of being hurt, or at the very least, the perception of being hurt.

It is challenging to experience this degree of pain and to avoid it, one is inclined to seek an external source of blame, attempting to ascribe responsibility to him. However, one is unable to overcome him, or for some reason one is unable to do so, and thus one begins to hate.

There are two distinct forms of hatred: hatred of others and hatred of oneself.

A deeper examination of hatred reveals that it is, in fact, a manifestation of self-hatred, a rejection of one's own capabilities, and a response to one's own suffering. Some individuals choose to direct their hatred outward, targeting others as a means of externalizing their negative emotions.

Some individuals elect to engage in self-hatred, which is an even more challenging and potentially detrimental act. It can precipitate a range of mental health issues, including depression and suicidal ideation.

Hatred, like all phenomena, has two sides. It can temporarily make one forget pain. Those who are poisoned by hatred do so because they understand that if they stay away from hatred, they will suffer the harm they have suffered. Even if hatred sends one to hell, they will become the kind of person they hate. The individual in question is also willing to pay the price.

In the course of life, we have all experienced some degree of hurt, whether intentional or unintentional. Confronting those who have caused us pain is akin to grappling with a deeply embedded emotional issue that resists resolution.

Ultimately, forgiveness may prove to be a challenging process.

Ultimately, forgiveness can prove to be a challenging process.

The act of forgiveness is predicated on the recognition of the other person's fault. Consequently, it can prove challenging to forgive when one's focus is on the other person's shortcomings.

This is why it is challenging to forgive someone in a genuine, practical sense. When we focus on the shortcomings of another individual, it becomes evident that forgiveness is often contingent upon certain conditions.

In the context of interpersonal relationships, it is not uncommon to encounter the following assertion: "If you implement such and such changes, I will forgive you."

The question thus arises as to whether it is possible to exert control over the lives of others or to effect changes in them.

The question thus arises as to whether it is possible to exert control over other individuals. Expecting others to alter their behaviour in order to facilitate a change in one's own choices effectively entails relinquishing control over one's own life to another party.

The recommendation, therefore, is to learn to forgive.

What is the meaning of forgiveness? The word "forgive" is composed of the characters "heart" and "as." From a structural perspective, it has two meanings:

1. This is referred to in psychological literature as the "position perception method."

2. When the heart is broad, the mind is at ease.

The concept of forgiveness can be understood in two distinct ways. Firstly, forgiveness can be defined as a psychological process whereby an individual allows themselves to feel a sense of compassion and understanding towards another person, despite the presence of negative feelings or memories. Secondly, forgiveness can be conceptualised as a state of mind that allows an individual to become more at ease with themselves, even in the face of circumstances that they are unable to change.

Forgiveness is a personal act of self-compassion and self-acceptance. Even in the face of external circumstances that are beyond our control, we have the power to forgive ourselves and cultivate a sense of inner peace and self-acceptance.

Forgiveness entails a focus on both others and oneself. While it is not possible to alter the actions of others, individuals can exert control over their own actions.

Forgiveness entails a focus on both others and oneself. While one cannot alter the actions of others, one can exert control over one's own actions.

The question thus arises as to whether forgiveness can be considered a form of self-healing.

As posited by French psychologist Tuo Lide, an individual's mental maturity can be gauged by their capacity to entertain two disparate thoughts without impeding their actions.

As posited by French psychologist Tuo Lide, an individual's mental maturity can be gauged by their capacity to entertain two disparate thoughts without impeding their actions.

The capacity to view situations from multiple perspectives and to comprehend the nuances of others' thoughts and actions is a hallmark of mental maturity. It enables individuals to navigate interpersonal dynamics with greater understanding and to make more informed decisions.

An individual who is capable of viewing situations from multiple perspectives and comprehending the diverse circumstances and perspectives of those around them can potentially evolve into a mature and wise person, one who possesses the capacity to forgive. Consequently, forgiveness is a personal endeavor that facilitates self-healing and enables individuals to lead more fulfilling lives, regardless of external circumstances.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial to you.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial to you.

Good day, landlord. I consider myself fortunate to have had the opportunity to meet you.

You feel that the first 33 years of your life were a challenging journey that still evokes a sense of pain, but also offers insights into personal growth.

Now that you are someone else's mother, do you feel a sense of strength and empowerment? Having the ability to speak for yourself also offers a sense of redemption and allows you to engage with the broader world.

The respondent has a great deal of admiration for you and perceives you to have experienced a great deal, yet you have continued to persevere with great strength. It is not difficult to imagine how much we all long for relief and love within.

You said, "I dislike the previous version of myself, which was perceived as lowly, ingratiating, accommodating, and timid. I regret that I used to ingratiate myself and swallow my anger when I was wronged, instead of standing up for myself."

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that your feelings of resentment may be rooted in deeper-seated fears.

It seems that you are not entirely satisfied with your past self, and you have a strong sense of indignation. You appear to look down on and despise your past self.

Perhaps, if you think about it, there is also a possibility that you are denying your past while also punishing yourself.

1. It may be the case that this "unforgiveness" and "hatred" stem from deep-seated fear.

On the surface, it seems reasonable that you should remain unforgiving of your past self, who was not as good as you would like. But if you think about it, there seems to be an inner dialogue (or logic) that says that only by 'remembering this hatred' can you ensure that you don't make the same mistakes again. Is this an accurate assessment?

It is not uncommon for people to punish themselves because they believe that the only way to avoid being hurt again is to remember to hate. However, this is not a constructive way to heal.

Perhaps the path to healing is to reconcile with oneself, to be a parent who can comfort one's own wounded child, to engage in a profound dialogue and communication with the inner child in a mature manner, to comfort the child so that it is not in a state of panic, and at the same time to gradually establish multiple perceptions and deepen one's sense of security.

For example, you are not the same person you were before, and you have the ability to protect yourself. If you are willing, you can choose to protect yourself in the right way.

2. It seems that the reluctance to forgive oneself is akin to the difficulty in forgiving others. It may be an attempt to avoid being hurt again.

You mentioned that you're struggling to forgive your mother-in-law because of a past hurt. Without knowing the full context, it's challenging to understand the specifics of what happened between you.

It is possible that the negative emotions triggered by the incident between you have left a deep impression on you and have been an unhappy experience.

In this way, it could be said that your obsession with other people's mistakes is also troubling you.

Given that nobody is perfect, and nobody is without flaws, it is important to consider the potential consequences of holding on to the mistakes of others.

How might we best approach a solution?

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that we are responsible for our own lives, and that we cannot expect others to love us unconditionally.

It is possible that we assume our loved ones should love us very much and take meticulous care of us, and that they should also be sincere in their devotion. If the other person fails to do so, we may feel disappointed.

I believe this is because our expectations have deviated.

I believe that if we can treat others' "love" and "care" for us as something we don't take for granted and treat every gain with a grateful heart, we will always feel the warmth of love deep down in our hearts.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to consider the emotional aspects first, and then gradually work on becoming a more mature and cognitive person.

One might suggest that the most powerful way for someone who has been hurt to fight back is to protect themselves and the people they want to protect.

As a mother, do you feel that you have a responsibility to set a good example for your child? I believe that as adults, we have the opportunity to be a source of support and guidance for our children, and that our daily efforts are not just for ourselves, but also for our children who need us more.

If you consider only your own feelings, you may believe you have the right not to forgive anyone. However, is that fair to you?

It is important to recognize that feelings of injustice and hatred can be deeply painful and may persist in our minds like nightmares.

Perhaps the best course of action would be to let go of ourselves and others.

Ultimately, the greatest beneficiary of reconciliation is ourselves.

When we were young, we believed that forgiving others would make them better off and that our suffering would be meaningless. This kind of thinking puts oneself at the center of the world stage.

After all, everyone's life is almost always spent walking in their own orbit, following an inherent rhythm. It would seem that there are really very few people who truly care about themselves and who can truly be influenced by themselves.

If we remain in a state of unforgiveness, we may miss out on the opportunity to experience and give love. Conversely, if we cultivate a more expansive mindset, let the past rest in the past, embrace a better life from today, and focus our energy on what we can change,

The respondent believes in your ability to create a better tomorrow and that you have the potential to become an outstanding self.

The above is just a brief sharing from the respondent. I would be grateful for the opportunity to engage in further in-depth exchanges.

I wish you all the best and much peace and joy!

Hello, Your emotions seem complex.

You have moved on from your past family of origin. Anyone who has grown up can appreciate this.

It's normal to still have trouble accepting the past and those who hurt you even after you've come this far on your own.

Psychology teaches us to accept, but we can't accept everything all the time.

It's normal to dislike your old self. When you feel stuck, allow yourself to feel this way. Don't judge or try to change it.

If you hate your past self, hate; if you can't forgive your mother-in-law, hate her; if you are dissatisfied with her, be dissatisfied; if you want to be angry, be angry.

Studying psychology is not about changing our true emotions. These feelings are normal after a person has been hurt. We need to let these emotions exist and flow naturally.

If you don't try to stop this emotion, it will change over time. Don't expect to not feel this emotion.

Finally, give yourself a hug. Growing up is hard, but we do our best.

In the past, you've experienced a lot of pain and suffering. You were seen as a burden and a thorn in the side by others, and you were used up and abandoned like a destructive ball by others. No matter how hard you tried to please others, they couldn't pity you.

This kind of life is really tough, isn't it? All those self-blame feelings in your heart can really eat away at your confidence. How did your confidence disappear? It might have something to do with all those things.

It can be really hard to accept your past self, especially when you're learning and exploring.

When you were a child, your mom might have treated you a little harshly. It's okay, you didn't deserve love.

It's so sad when you feel guilty and like you don't matter. It can really hurt you.

☢︎☢︎☢︎☢︎ To please

☢︎☢︎☢︎☢︎ Humility

It's also totally normal to feel anxious and depressed. It's okay if you're not happy in your current marriage. We can talk more about the specific details of your humiliation when you're ready.

Let's rescue your past self and achieve your current open self!

Let your past experiences be a mirror for you, showing you the way forward.

It can be really helpful to use others as a mirror to understand your own gains and losses.

It's been so many years now. Do you know what you've lost and what you've gained? So many things have changed over time, and you may have become more humble as a result.

Because you used to try to please others by responding to all kinds of external information, it's okay to speak up for yourself sometimes. Just think about it and reflect on it.

Hating the past is a waste of time. You'll be much better off slowly finding a position of acceptance from this hatred. That way, you can slowly break free from the obsessive anxiety of the past and look at your future plans from the perspective of social history and the evolution of the role of women and parents in modern times.

You've grown so much, but there will still be some hurt from the past. It's okay! Before you start working through those feelings, it might help to take a quick psychological test to see if there's any internal trauma that needs attention. This way, you can understand how the past is affecting you and work through it in a way that feels good for you.

I also suggest that you try some emotional release exercises, let it all out, and find other ways to move on from past regrets. It seems that the pain from the past has not been in vain, which in turn reduces your remorse and promotes hidden forgiveness.

ZQ?