Colleague spoke in a strange tone, I called him a queer person, and he flew into a rage! Pain point?

Hello!

My dear, I see your problem, and I want to give you a big hug. We often "are strict with others but tolerant of ourselves" in our interactions with others.

This is a bit of a rough spot, isn't it? I can see how that colleague has caused you some awkward moments. It's hard to believe he doesn't realize that his behavior is bothering others. I'm sure he thinks he's being funny, but that's just his illusion. When they're denied or have negative comments, they can't continue. They might feel attacked in their sense of value and become quite defensive, constantly trying to prove that "you are wrong and I am right." It can be tough to know how to get along with such people.

It's okay to accept the reality and not argue.

There's really no point in continuing this game. If you keep arguing, this colleague will just keep pestering you with messages, trying to prove that he's not in the wrong and that you made a mistake. He won't stop until he gets a satisfactory answer.

But this process will cause you a lot of trouble and even reduce your quality of life. So, my dear friend, find some time to get it all out in the open!

"I just saw a buzzword on the Internet and used it casually. If it hurts you, I'm really sorry. I'm also not comfortable with you making fun of my name, but I'm sure we can work through this together."

"Let's just leave it at that! I won't joke with you anymore, I'm sorry." After making this clear, try to stay away from this person as much as possible. Don't argue with him, you can't afford to provoke him, but you can hide from him.

❤️ When communication is fruitless, it's okay to learn to separate the issues.

You did a great job expressing your thoughts! Now, let's focus on the things we can change and accept the things we can't.

It's totally okay if the other person doesn't accept your advice or gets angry and argues back. It's not your problem to decide.

I think there's a saying that goes something like this: we need to open up our own minds, but other people's minds are too small. They waste time and energy getting angry. This doesn't affect us! It's so important to open up our own minds to enrich our lives and see the bigger world. Go to a better platform and go to the next level, to be tolerant of them!

If you're not feeling the team members or the atmosphere, no problem! Just focus on doing your work and learning as much as you can. With time, you'll be able to improve your skills and find a better fit.

It doesn't matter if they're arguing or making a scene! We're learning and doing what we like in order to go somewhere better.

My dear, we can only do the part of the homework that we can do well and change. The rest is the business of God and other people, and we don't need to take full responsibility for their actions.

? Improve your communication skills and learn how to solve problems effectively!

I totally get it. You might be wondering how you can improve these abilities. Is there really a trick? I wonder if you've read the book "Nonviolent Communication" about expressing your own needs and listening to the needs of others.

Let's consider a couple of examples. Which one makes you feel more comfortable and more willing to help get the thing delivered? "I'm busy, you hurry and help me get something delivered, hurry, it's running out of time." Or, "I urgently need something. Do you have any time to help me with this? It's really important to me. I still have 30 minutes."

This is the art of communication, my friend.

I'd also like to suggest another book you might find helpful: "Six Paths to Communicate Directly to the Heart." This book is all about using words to create scenarios and stories. It goes hand-in-hand with the communication principles in "Nonviolent Communication," but it also draws on psychological knowledge as a background. You can read both, and I think you'll find something valuable in them.

I really hope my answer is helpful to you. I love you so much, and so does the world! Have a great night.

Good evening.

If I were a man, I would be angry if someone called me a hermaphrodite.

In your question, you stated that your colleague speaks in an ambiguous manner, so you jokingly said that he is a hermaphrodite.

The truth is, many people view hermaphrodites as individuals who are neither male nor female. In most cases, this term is used to describe men, such as eunuchs, who are technically hermaphrodites.

My colleagues have informed me that the manager and the accountant are intersex. It is clear that in his view, intersex people are not eccentric, but are related to gender and so on.

Let's be clear: for a man, saying he's a hermaphrodite is a direct challenge to his male dignity. It's as unbearable as saying he's not a man.

He was bound to fly into a rage.

From my perspective, you struck a nerve when you called him a hermaphrodite.

His strange way of speaking is likely a result of his relative lack of self-esteem, which he attempts to compensate for by attacking others. When you say he is a hermaphrodite, he will fight back desperately like a scorpion whose tail has been stepped on.

People with low self-esteem don't behave timidly. They may also appear arrogant and conceited, but this is just a bluff that makes the situation worse.

I have no idea why your colleague is inferior.

You need to apologize to your colleague. Tell him you shouldn't have called him a hermaphrodite and that it hurt you. You should also tell him that you're hurt when he makes fun of your name.

I am a counseling psychologist who is often depressed and sometimes positive. The world and I love you.

Hello.

I have read your description very carefully and I can sense that you have a very low opinion of this colleague. He is obsessed with what you said, and you are quite distressed.

Humanistic psychologist Adler was right when he said, "All human troubles come from interpersonal relationships."

We must sever our ties with him to get rid of this kind of trouble. However, since we work together, it is difficult not to interact with each other. Given that the colleague was unfriendly to us before, it is normal for us to have a bad opinion of him.

We can't distance ourselves from this person or change their mind, so we have to change ourselves.

American writer Byron Katie wrote in "A Change of Heart": "Of the whole universe, I have found only three things: my own affairs, other people's affairs, and God's affairs."

We must separate issues, do our own work well, and keep our distance from this colleague.

This colleague likes to judge others and is particularly concerned about what others think of him. We already know this, and we need to be careful in the future.

He may or may not change in the future, but we have no right to interfere in other people's lives.

Our mood is in our hands. We are responsible for our mood. Stop speculating about him. Look at the story between us as a third party. You find this ridiculous, don't you?

You would be wise to avoid spending time and emotions on such things. It would be better for you to spend this time reading a book and spending time with your family.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner.

Thank you for your time. I am Jiusi, on Yixinli, World and I Love You.

Hi there!

From what you've told me, I get the impression that you're a strong, outgoing, and straightforward person.

It's possible you've crossed a line with this colleague. Or, just as you dislike people joking about your name, he might also dislike being called androgynous, which isn't generally seen as a compliment.

At this point, it'd be helpful to take a moment to reflect on your own feelings. When he said, "There are things you don't know," did you feel like he was being sarcastic and passive-aggressive, and did you feel anger rising inside? When you realized you'd stepped on his sore spot, what emotions did you experience? Did you feel happy, a sense of satisfaction after revenge?

Or were you a little concerned?

When you saw that he'd lost control of his emotions and was sending you messages nonstop, and his expression was particularly intimidating, what were your feelings?

And then he tried to make the conflict worse by involving other people, but you stopped him.

Your response was quick and decisive, which is a great sign. You did a great job.

If we dig a little deeper, I'd like to understand why you decided to come to the platform with this question after all this time. Do you value the relationship with this person?

Even though there's tension in your relationship, you seem happy to engage in the give-and-take. It must be a great pleasure to be able to give a hard time to someone who is strange and you don't like.

That said, you'll also expend some energy in the process. You might want to think further about what that means.

Another option is to ignore the person who speaks in a strange way. Don't let their words get to you.

Another thing you can do is try to understand why such people have the personalities they do. It could be because they lack confidence, don't feel they're good enough, are a bit narrow-minded or just want to express themselves. They often suffer inside as well. If you're more tolerant and forgiving, you'll create a more peaceful and warm environment for them.

The world is full of diversity, and everyone is different. The environment we are in is a state of synergy projected from the heart of each individual. So no matter what others do, if you are more tolerant and peaceful inside, the environment will also have more soft sunshine.

I hope Hongyu's reply helps you out. Thanks for asking!

Hello, my name is Strawberry.

From what I can gather from reading the question and the answer, it seems that the colleague of the questioner may be coming across as a little offensive. He speaks to people in a rather unusual way, and after the questioner has clearly expressed his concern, he continues to behave in this way.

The questioner believes that the colleague's behavior aligns with the term "intersex." Despite this understanding, the colleague did not seem to care about other people's feelings. The questioner then inquired if the colleague was an intersex person, which led to a strong reaction. The colleague sent numerous messages, sharing his views on what an intersex person truly looks like.

The term "hermaphrodite" is open to interpretation. While it can be used to describe a person who speaks in a peculiar manner with a hint of sarcasm, this does not fully align with the behavior observed in the colleague in question. It's important to note that the term "hermaphrodite" encompasses a range of meanings, including those related to gender identity and development. In the medical field, the term is used to describe individuals with gender identity issues resulting from abnormal differentiation during embryonic development. These issues can be classified into three main categories: male pseudohermaphroditism, female pseudohermaphroditism, and true hermaphroditism. The specific classification depends on the inconsistency of sex chromosomes, chromatin, sex glands, and external genitalia.

It seems that the questioner's colleague may have become quite upset. It's not clear how he understands the term "intersex," and it's possible that he misunderstood the questioner, thinking that her behavior was sarcastic about his inner problems.

Could I have inadvertently touched on a sensitive area?

1. Could I respectfully inquire as to the reason behind the other person's behavior?

From what we can see, it seems that the colleague in question has developed a certain way of expressing himself, which may be related to the people and environment he was exposed to during his growth process. It's possible that he hasn't been corrected for this method of expression, which could be why he's unaware of his mistakes.

It could be perceived that he may have some insecurities and is seeking attention through this behavior. While he may be trying to assert his sense of existence in his own way, it's possible that his actions may not be conducive to fostering positive social interactions.

2. It might be best to avoid responding to the other person's emotions, as doing so could potentially make things worse.

From the colleague's behavior, it seems that the questioner's behavior has caused a bit of a misunderstanding. Otherwise, the colleague would not have reacted so strongly. Perhaps it would be best for the questioner to refrain from responding further, as the more you respond, the more the other person will dwell on this matter.

He may only allow you to retract this comment if he is willing to let it go, as it is a point that he cares about deeply. However, only he himself knows what he really cares about. For the time being, it may be best to refrain from responding to him about this matter and see if he will calm down on his own.

3. Consider taking the initiative to handle things.

As a colleague, the questioner is concerned about the impact of the colleague's usual behavior on the work environment. Since they need to interact at work, if they don't want to create a significant issue, the questioner can also find the colleague and suggest that they consider reflecting on their usual behavior and perhaps using more conventional expressions to communicate. You are just colleagues, and everyone should feel comfortable expressing themselves in a way that is comfortable for them.

If he is willing to admit his mistakes and face them, colleagues can still do so. If the other person is too calculating, it may be best for such a person to stay away.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best wishes,

Good day, question asker. I am pleased to have the opportunity to respond to your inquiry.

From the questioner's self-narrative, it can be seen that the questioner has encountered a colleague who exhibits unusual behavior and who has targeted the questioner in various ways, or has otherwise been unresponsive to the questioner's contributions. In such a situation, it may be helpful to provide the questioner with emotional support and encouragement. It is also important to recognize that colleagues may have different approaches and styles in the workplace, and that it is possible for colleagues to engage in behaviors that are perceived as unusual or unresponsive.

The workplace is populated by a diverse array of individuals, each with their unique characteristics and interactions. If one were to document and depict the minutiae of workplace interactions in a serialized format, it might bear resemblance to the Chinese television series "Zhen Huan Zhuan."

Let us proceed with a brief analysis of the reasons behind the colleague's peculiar behavior.

To differentiate oneself from the norm

If a colleague at the same level is subtly attacking you, it is possible that he is attempting to suppress you. He aims to provoke you into anger, thereby establishing his own moral high ground and highlighting his own integrity. Therefore, the most prudent course of action when confronted with a sarcastic colleague is to ignore him and refrain from engaging in direct conflict or confrontation.

To illustrate, as the original poster stated, "One morning, another colleague posed a question to me, and I replied that I was unsure of the answer. In response, he stated, 'Oh, there are things you don't know,' and I chose to disregard his remark."

In such a situation, regardless of how the questioner responds, the questioner will have a plethora of reasons to launch an attack against the respondent. If the respondent becomes angry, the questioner may claim that the situation is merely a jest between colleagues and that the respondent's reaction is unwarranted. Furthermore, the questioner may even disseminate information to others indicating that the respondent is petty and arrogant.

Should one attempt to elucidate the situation to others, they will likely be met with derision and disbelief. It is as though they are seeking to provoke a reaction, one that is angry and sarcastic. One is powerless to affect this dynamic.

It is recommended that negative emotions be expressed and released in a constructive manner.

In the workplace, when colleagues persistently make "strange" comments about the questioner, it can be inferred that they are not only directing their criticism towards the questioner, but also expressing their own negative emotions. These negative emotions may be rooted in feelings of jealousy or the differential treatment the questioner receives from his leader. The colleague in question seeks an outlet for his negative emotions and perceives the questioner as a suitable target, leading to a persistent venting of negative emotions directed at the questioner.

Furthermore, the questioner's excessive tolerance may convey to the individual in question that they are vulnerable and susceptible to intimidation.

Alternatively, the questioner himself may have described a positive relationship with his leader, which evoked feelings of envy. It is possible that he aspired to cultivate a similar bond with his leader, which prompted him to direct his negative emotions towards the questioner.

Upon the questioner's attainment of a desired outcome, the subject's animosity towards the questioner intensifies. This manifests as continued aberrant behavior, which serves as a cathartic release for the subject's pent-up discontent and negative sentiments towards the questioner.

The questioner's characterization of his colleague as "a yin-yang person" is a curious choice of words, particularly given the emotional response it elicited. It may be perceived as a form of personal attack or labeling behavior.

In a public setting, the questioner made the statement that the individual in question was "a hermaphrodite," which effectively labeled him in the presence of numerous colleagues. Prior to this, the questioner had not responded to the individual's "weird behavior," so the sudden labeling caught him off guard.

After labeling him, others will perceive him as an eccentric individual, potentially leading to social isolation. Consequently, he persisted in harassing the questioner, even disclosing unfavorable information about the leader to implicate the questioner and place him in a disadvantageous position. Fortunately, the questioner remained undeterred.

In regard to his anger, it is this author's opinion that it is primarily a result of his primary family's constant criticism and judgment of him, which has influenced his pattern of aggression and caused his current strange personality. The questioner's negative label of "intersex" may have just reached his emotional breaking point. These emotional outbursts are related to his childhood experiences. During childhood, most children are like blank sheets of paper, with their own emotional experiences and emotional memories. If these childhood traumas are not healed, when they are encountered again, they will evoke previous negative emotions and even result in an outburst.

While it is inappropriate to label him in public, the questioner should also recognize that continued tolerance may exacerbate the situation and reinforce the perception that the questioner is vulnerable and susceptible to intimidation. At an opportune moment, it may be necessary to assert a firm response to prevent others from exploiting this perceived vulnerability.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the questioner.

Hello! I'm a heart exploration coach, ready to fly free with you, provide warm company, and listen to your story with sincerity.

We totally get it! Having a colleague who speaks in a strange way and has double standards can be really annoying. It's so frustrating when they have no sense of boundaries in what they say and do and don't know how to respect others. It's like they're eating a fly!

First, it is important to understand that everyone has their own inherent patterns: behavior patterns, emotional patterns, thinking patterns, etc. These patterns bring a wealth of possibilities into all kinds of relationships!

Like your colleague, who speaks harshly and without regard for the feelings of others. He is ambiguous and wants to be on top—and you can help him achieve that!

How exactly this came about is beyond our knowledge, but it's something he can work out!

These patterns have formed because they have helped him in the past, and that's a great thing!

In other words, he has benefited from this pattern, either as a self-defense mechanism or to find a greater sense of existence and superiority.

In short, it is helpful to him, so this pattern is maintained.

For you, it's a chance to stand from more perspectives and see more truths of the problem, allowing yourself to have more choices! For people like this, we know why he is in this situation, so we can understand him without having to accept him. We can just stay away from him and focus on all the amazing things in our own lives!

Look beyond his tough exterior and see if there's a vulnerable side to him. If you can see that, you'll understand that his actions aren't meant to hurt you. They're just ways he protects himself. So, the first thing we need to do is look beyond the armor of others to see their true inner selves.

We can see this in his pattern. He will not only hurt you, but this is actually his pattern. If we look at it from a broader perspective, if this person can hurt you like this, then he is also hurting the people around him!

If you only have a short relationship with him, you have the power to choose to leave him. But the people close to him cannot leave him. Think about it this way and you'll see how much suffering there is around him. This is the second point we see, and you've gained an extra measure of compassion!

Behind every action is a positive motive! In other words, behind every bad behavior is actually an unmet need. So, in addition to seeing the suffering of others, let's also see what else is unsatisfied!

If you are willing to help someone when it is easy for you to do so, then your compassion will suddenly rise. You will be his hero! This is how the blooming of the heart works: we let go of our armor and connect with others from the heart. And you know what? Your suppressed vitality will bloom!

Those who only know how to protect themselves are missing out! They're wearing a layer of armor while protecting themselves, and they're actually suppressing their vitality.

Buddha said it best: "There is no good or evil in people; good and evil exist in the Buddha's heart." As long as you are willing to awaken, your compassion has the inner strength to become a hero. At the very least, you are a hero to the people around you!

I really hope the above is helpful to you! And I just want to say, the world and I love you ?

If you want to continue the conversation, just click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I'd love to chat with you one-on-one and see how we can grow together!

Hello question asker!

There's nothing you can do when you encounter such a colleague. There are all kinds of people in the workplace.

There are three types of "weird" people:

1. They always speak in riddles and make insinuations.

2. They avoid problems by beating around the bush, leaving listeners confused and frustrated.

3. These people are clever and mean. Those who spend time with them feel manipulated. They can't take a joke.

Sarcasm can make others feel uncomfortable. In psychology, it is called passive aggression.

People who like to be sarcastic are actually not confident. They drag others down and share the responsibility for expressing different opinions.

Passive-aggressive people are vulnerable. They accept anger but can't fight back. They vent their dissatisfaction with strange, ambiguous language.

All behavior has a motive. What need is he trying to fulfill with this strange behavior? Emotions have underlying needs. Anger comes from feeling unseen and misunderstood.

He wants you to understand him and look at him. He may have learned this from his family of origin, but it's real.

Maybe it's his way of avoiding mental pain. He uses eccentric behavior to avoid feeling ignored. He may want attention and to feel valued. But he uses an "unpopular" way to do it. And it's learned!

If you judge him as "a yin-yang person," he may have been blamed, suppressed, and judged negatively since childhood. Your negative label may have hit his emotional button. The emotional button is a person's sensitive point. Childhood is like a blank page, and it is easy to have emotional experiences. When encountering similar situations as an adult, it will evoke previous emotional experiences.

If you understand him better, you won't be so angry. You might feel compassion instead.

Best wishes!

You've criticized this colleague, and he's probably feeling pretty defensive. He might even deny it and try to deflect the blame onto someone else. It's a logical move at work, though, because it allows him to avoid being judged.

If someone doesn't want to be judged, they can't judge others and speak in an ambiguous way, because it makes others uncomfortable. Others may also speak to them in an ambiguous way in return, which is a kind of backlash.

That's just how relationships work. If you give, you might get a similar response. You said he's a yin-yang person, and he doesn't like being called that. Now it's also a punishment for him. Usually, he just talks in a strange way.

He makes all kinds of jokes, and the other person just wants to argue with you like crazy. It's clear he doesn't agree with this comment. He just wants a better one. We should all think about why this situation has arisen.

It might be worth seeing if the other person's personality is really like that, without considering your feelings. It could also be seen as quite rude for him to bombard you with messages. It is also intriguing to be so persistent about things you cannot control. It is still worth exploring.

He also wants to gather evidence to prove that other people are dual-natured. Regardless of whether there is prejudice involved, everyone is seen in a different light by others because people speak differently depending on who they're talking to. This means that relationships have different comments and opinions. You can see if you need to maintain boundaries in the future and if you need to continue communicating with such people. Best wishes.

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