College student, feeling depressed since the beginning of the semester...?
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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
I am one of those people who are relatively independent in appearance but long to communicate with like-minded friends. I have had very few friends since I was young, and recently, due to a change in thinking, I don't feel like talking to my old friends much... I have even fewer friends in college. As a result, I can only place my emotions on star-gazing, which I think is quite pathological, but I don't really want to change it because it is my last comfort zone.
I can't stand the hypocrisy of my fellow students in the same major at university. Because I didn't voluntarily choose to come to this major, I don't want to pursue or am not interested in pursuing the things that my fellow students in the same major are rushing after. The result is that I feel that they all think I'm quite individualistic, so while they secretly exclude me in their hearts, they also secretly imitate me, which makes me quite uncomfortable.
In addition to my classmates, the teachers and elders around me are also instilling things in me every day that I am unwilling to accept. From the beginning, I doubted myself and tried my best to strive for things that others told me to strive for, in a comical way. Now I have turned to what is called "obeying outwardly but rebelling inwardly"—I just listen to what they say and laugh, but I don't actually do what they say. But I also know that in reality, this is difficult. The general trend is such that I may be the one going against the grain.
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Comments
I can relate to feeling like an outsider. It's tough when your interests and values don't align with those around you, especially in a place where you're expected to fit in. Stargazing sounds like a peaceful escape. Maybe it's not so bad having that as a comfort zone; it's a way to connect with something bigger than the daily grind.
The disconnect between you and your classmates seems really challenging. It's frustrating when people try to be someone they're not. If their admiration for you feels uncomfortable, perhaps setting boundaries or finding a way to express how you feel could help. It's important to find a space where you can be authentic.
It's hard when you're surrounded by expectations that don't resonate with you. The pressure to conform can be overwhelming. Sometimes, rebelling inwardly is a form of selfpreservation. But it might also be worth exploring what parts of those expectations you can accept and which ones you truly need to push back against. Finding a balance could lead to more peace.
Feeling like you're going against the grain can be isolating. Yet, it's also a sign that you have a strong sense of self. There's value in staying true to who you are, even if it means swimming upstream. Maybe there are others out there who share your perspective. Seeking out communities or groups that align with your interests could provide the support you're looking for.
It's understandable to feel conflicted about the path you're on. College can be a time of great uncertainty. While it's important to stay true to yourself, it might also be helpful to explore why you feel the way you do about your major and the people around you. Sometimes, talking to a counselor or mentor can offer new insights and help you navigate these feelings.