Concerned about social anxiety, feeling introverted and inferior, what should I do?

Hello, I'm Nian Ci, a 13-year-old student.

Life is not going well. You have encountered many setbacks and are becoming less confident. You don't believe in human nature. It's really not easy. You are getting older and full of anxiety about the future.

The bigger and more serious our problems seem, the harder it is to change. Our changes often start with small details that add up over time. You might even become a different person.

I will answer some of your questions and give you advice.

"Where will your life lead you in the future?" This is a big question.

Live in the present. Don't worry about the future. Live each day well, and your life will be good.

"They'll see how timid and weak you are. You're worthless."

Only themselves.

You don't think about others or feel anything.

You don't think straight. You just want to protect yourself.

You will become more resilient.

You've had a lot of emotional setbacks. You've come to believe that "nothing is worthwhile and you don't understand anything."

But I think this is wrong. Do you really know nothing?

You're 38, which shows you can survive and work. People who don't know how to survive don't make it to 38.

Next, get a notebook and record one thing every day that you understand. Record everything you can do and understand.

"I don't trust people. I feel useless and don't know where my value lies."

This also reflects another negative belief: "There is no value." Your existence has value for your family and friends.

If you work, you are valuable to your company. And if you buy things and pay taxes, you are valuable to society.

A sense of value is important. If you think something is valuable, it is. Record valuable and meaningful things every day.

This will make you feel more valuable.

Every day, record the things you will do and the things that are valuable. This will make your life more meaningful.

Intimacy is more complicated. The above work is a foundation for building a relationship. You can also seek help from Yixin experts to establish a good intimate relationship.

We hope this helps.

Hello, From your writing, I can tell you want to change yourself. I will describe my point of view. I hope my next answer will be helpful to you.

You said you're introverted and afraid of making a fool of yourself because you care about how you look. There's no one else here but you.

Psychologists call this the "Yamba foot effect." It means that people who are not perfect are not necessarily unlikable. The most likeable people have minor flaws.

Your embarrassment might bring you closer, so you can relax and communicate. But you'll be nervous, which will stop you communicating. You can explain your fears or anxieties, which might bring you closer.

Also, you worry too much about your own problems. You think they're more important than they are.

Second, you can tell yourself that it's normal for people to have differences and conflicts. Sometimes, conflicts can help relationships grow.

Best wishes!

I love you, world.

Perhaps the reason for this lies in the individual's perception of anxiety. When faced with anxiety, it can be helpful to consider how to best approach the situation. Rather than dwelling on the problem, it might be beneficial to focus on finding a solution. Anxiety can serve as a motivating factor in moving forward.

It would seem that the evidence supports this view. It seems that human survival and development cannot do without moderate anxiety. Moderate anxiety appears to make people more sensitive and more creative. As the saying goes, "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger."

People with moderate anxiety tend to be more patient and have more confidence in their abilities than those with excessive anxiety. This allows them to recognize their capabilities and work hard to achieve their goals. When faced with challenges, they can persevere and grow under the pressure of anxiety, ultimately becoming the best version of themselves.

As the article suggests, it may be helpful to try to do what you are anxious about and solve the problem. Believing in your ability to do so could also be beneficial.

I also hope that you can view anxiety in a more positive light, so that moderate anxiety can become a catalyst in your life and lead you to success.

I hope you find these thoughts useful.

Greetings!

In response to your question, I feel compelled to share my own experience, which I hope will be helpful to you. When I was in college and high school, I was not very sociable. I tried to be more sociable and to please others, but I still felt out of place and like I didn't fit in with other people's circles. Despite my hard work, I often felt like I was just the errand boy who paid the bill for dinner.

Sometimes I still feel like I'm playing the role of the underdog or the errand-running robot. This is just my experience, and I'm curious if you have a similar feeling.

It might be helpful to consider letting go of the circles that don't align with your preferences and focusing on activities that bring you joy.

After university, there are a great many different circles, clubs, youth leagues, and departments. There are also a great many trivial matters and formalities. Sometimes it can be quite tiring.

I decided to step away from those circles a while ago because I felt they weren't the right fit for me. I was feeling a bit lonely, so I started going downstairs every day to say hello to the security guards. Now that I'm married, they've been very welcoming and always say, "You don't need to be polite to us, your own family." They've even given me zongzi and mooncakes during the holidays! I occasionally run into them at mealtimes and they've invited me to join them for a meal.

And then I simply continued doing the things I enjoyed, such as attending exhibitions, exercising when I had the opportunity, watching documentaries, exploring cultural districts, visiting history museums, and reading books. Despite not living the life I had envisioned, I was still quite fulfilled and happy.

I've found that I can now sleep well at night, which is a big change from high school. I've also realized that I don't have to worry about what other people think of me, because I'm happy and carefree every day!

My dear, you might also consider trying to do something you enjoy wholeheartedly. I believe that living happily is of the utmost importance.

I truly believe that if I can do it, you can do it too. I'm sure you'll do it even better than me!

I truly believe you can do it, but please take your time.

It would be beneficial to consider which relationships are most important to you and to make them a priority.

In college, it is important to cultivate positive relationships with key individuals, such as the tutor, the dorm manager, and the security guard. The tutor is a valuable resource who can assist with a range of matters, including leave applications, enrollment status, graduation files, and evaluations. The dorm manager plays an essential role in maintaining security and access within the dormitory. In the event of losing your keys, it is reassuring to know that you can borrow a spare from the dorm manager or have a copy made. The security guard is another important figure who oversees entry and exit. In normal times when the school is not locked down, having a positive relationship with the security guard can facilitate freedom of movement without the need to register or show a leave note. This is because the security guard trusts your character, and it is reassuring to know that your actions are respected.

I would like to suggest that we all make an effort to be more considerate towards the janitors and security guards. They work hard to maintain the building and ensure the safety of us all, so it's only fair that we treat them with respect and gratitude. When you see them, greet them politely and offer to share what you have. I have found that this simple act of kindness has brought me a great deal of joy and has helped me to feel more connected to my surroundings.

A counselor may suggest talking and communicating more, reflecting on problems in a timely manner, and expressing gratitude to each other afterwards. It may also be helpful to greet each other daily and, when facing challenges or engaging in conversation until it's time to eat, to remind your partner of their need to eat, while also acknowledging your own need to eat.

It may be helpful to devote more time and attention to other relationships that you enjoy and feel at ease with. You can then decide how to approach the rest.

It would be beneficial to consider the relationship with oneself.

It would be beneficial to be more accepting and tolerant of yourself, remain curious about yourself, spend more time trying the things you want to do and like, and also learn more to enhance your sense of self-worth. It is important to remember that your relationship with yourself is really more important than anything else.

It is important to remember that our body is the host of our soul. We all have the right to decide how to spend our lives.

I wish you the best.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you all the best in your endeavors.

Good morning,

It is sometimes the case that social anxiety is caused by a lack of social interaction, and at other times it is brought about by a failure to establish stable and good relationships during the growth process.

Many people have likely had a similar experience.

One of the challenges that many of us face is the fear of expressing ourselves in front of others.

2. A fear of being ridiculed.

3. Some people may feel uneasy when they are the center of attention.

It is not uncommon for individuals to experience this situation during their formative years, particularly if they have not received adequate care from their parents. Additionally, family changes or conflicts can contribute to feelings of tension and conflict within the family, which can further impact an individual's sense of security and ability to cope with social situations. During their developmental years, many individuals may have faced challenges in forming positive interpersonal relationships, which can also contribute to difficulties in navigating social interactions.

It might be helpful to give the original poster a hug. It's understandable to feel scared or afraid. It's possible that your fear of facing social situations is rooted in a desire to be recognized. When we avoid and hide, it can intensify our internal tension and fear. This can lead to a vicious cycle where we close ourselves off, making it harder to relieve the pain and pressure.

It would be beneficial to learn to recognize emotions and adjust your mood.

It is difficult to determine the source of the questioner's social anxiety with certainty at this time. However, in interpersonal interactions, it is possible that greater anxiety may result if more attention is paid to the other person's words, deeds, and mannerisms than to the content expressed. This is an important consideration.

One way to prevent your emotions from influencing others is to learn to recognize them in yourself. If you can distinguish between your thoughts and emotions, you will be better able to calm down and listen to others without judging them subconsciously.

2. Consider exercising social skills and renewing yourself.

Our minds are constantly filled with a multitude of thoughts, some of which may be negative. When we are unable to communicate effectively, these undigested thoughts may become a source of conflict within ourselves. Socializing is not always about gaining recognition from others, but rather a process of unblocking ourselves and testing our ideas. Everyone can gain understanding and respect.

I believe that exercising social skills not only improves your social skills, but also provides opportunities for continuous self-learning. It seems to me that letting emotions flow is like clearing the mind and body (o^^o).

3. It would be beneficial to learn to relax and not be overly anxious.

While emotional anxiety does not necessarily threaten health, excessive anxiety can set off the red light for both physical and mental health. This is because excessive anxiety means depletion, and when there is too much depletion, it is impossible to calm oneself down. Depressed and out-of-control emotions become the next stage. Therefore, it may be helpful to objectively evaluate oneself and the facts, examine one's thoughts, and gradually adjust one's state of mind, so that emotions will not spiral out of control.

Sometimes, with friends with whom you have a good relationship, you can relax and enjoy yourself. It may be helpful to consider that enjoyment is often the best feedback you can give to others. When both sides are relaxed and happy, there may be less room for conflict and confrontation.

I think we can all agree that we should try to be more open-minded.

Hello!

The ideas you mentioned are general. You accept them and try to adapt to them.

Every opinion is based on someone else's perception. We learn from previous generations to avoid making the same mistakes.

But how well does your experience match your own? You need to observe society.

You were at the top of your class. Use this to your advantage. Spend more time in the library, find answers in books, and then analyze them in social practice. Sometimes you feel more comfortable using book knowledge, and sometimes you get stuck.

But there are more exciting points because you can improve your reading and experience. There is no right answer, just a flow and change like water.

The highest good is like water.

It's normal to care about how others react when you're socializing. But if you care too much, you'll feel inferior.

When you have inner balance, you won't feel inferior or be emotionally blackmailed.

This exploration takes time. Sometimes you have to break through the outside world's inertia. Stick to your path, even if you're confused and want to give up. You'll lose vanity and superficiality, but you'll always have your soul.

I hope you succeed in university so you can find a job you like, build a career, and feel good about yourself.

Hugging the host is a great way to prepare for university. It's a social preparation period where you can improve your social skills. You have four years to adapt, so there's no need to rush.

"I've been afraid of saying the wrong thing in front of others for the past semester." Tell me, did something happen to make you feel this way?

The host may have been used to studying independently, but suddenly finding themselves in a new environment and needing to pick up new skills can make them feel out of place.

They must gradually adapt to the new environment and communicate normally with their classmates.

1. Let go of the perfect persona and accept your own anxieties.

The landlord is undoubtedly a highly intelligent individual with excellent comprehension abilities. He immediately realized:

"Human connections are vital in society, and China is a society of human connections."

Many college students who enter society initially feel out of place because they are too theoretical and conceptual about "right and wrong."

However, they neglect the importance of social skills, which means they may be capable but not necessarily recognized.

Before university, learning tests an individual's ability. When you start working, it's professional ability + social skills that are tested. There's no question that professional skills are hard skills, and social skills are soft skills. After all, people are "social animals," and we cannot avoid communicating with others.

The host can accept his current anxiety and tell himself, "Socializing isn't my strong point right now, but I'm going to try my best."

Embrace this emotion and recognize your own potential for growth. It's an opportunity to become the best version of yourself.

2. Change some irrational beliefs and see another possibility.

Let's dispel a few irrational beliefs:

"I feel bad when I speak, and I'm even more anxious when I'm afraid that other people will say that I can't speak."

"I'm anxious about being introverted and having few friends."

Feeling introverted is a flaw.

First of all, it's important to understand that both introversion and extroversion are ways of being. There are many powerful people who are extroverts, and there are also introverts who are very powerful. Introversion is a gift that allows people to be more focused, more delicate, and more observant. It has disadvantages as well as advantages, just like extroversion, which also has disadvantages. These include being careless and easy to ignore, being too flashy and unreliable, and so on.

Introversion is not a flaw. It's a talent. You'll find it easier to "be afraid that you will say the wrong thing in front of other people, and you always speak with a nervous heart, so you are especially nervous when speaking." It's because you feel others more. Read Susan Cain's "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking." Use your talent. Get along with others.

Secondly, excessive socialization can easily distract you from yourself and consume too much of your time and energy. If you lack the ability to express yourself, it's preferable to simply listen quietly.

Many people express themselves, but few are willing to listen quietly. Listen to the hearts of others, give the appropriate response and feedback, and listen to your own heart. Some people can communicate, but forcing yourself into a situation that is not right for you may not work out. Be yourself, be true to yourself. Bloom, and the butterflies will come.

If you're not good at expressing yourself, admit it. It's not a big deal. I don't know if you watch talk shows, but there's a girl on one of them named Birdie. At first glance, she seems like a girl with social anxiety, but she can express herself on stage and is liked by others.

Not being good at socializing is not a big problem. However, there is one skill that the host still needs to spend time training, and that is "public speaking." Being able to express yourself, tell a logical story, and dare to speak your mind in public is a very important skill that the workplace of the future will demand. You can train it in college, and it will also allow you to break through yourself and meet a different you.

Huang Zhizhong, the champion of the TV show "Qi Pao," is a social phobic who hardly communicates with others. But when you watch him express himself on the debate stage, he has the bearing of a king!

People have many sides, and there is no need to be limited to a particular weakness. That is also your strength, and with deliberate practice, you will become better at it too!

3. You are great, and you don't need to please others to prove it.

Field-dependent people are easily influenced by their surroundings. The landlord will also pay more attention to the people around him.

There's a story about a butterfly. If you like a butterfly very much, you don't have to chase it. Just sit down and plant a garden, and the butterfly will come by itself.

Don't waste your energy trying to hurt yourself with human relationships.

You are allowed to have weaknesses. Accept them, focus on your strengths, and work on making yourself even better.

Now, I want you to stop thinking about a white elephant.

Now, I want you to stop thinking about a white elephant.

Now, I want you to stop thinking about a white elephant.

What are you thinking?

This is why the vicious circle of "getting particularly nervous when speaking, the more nervous you get, the more likely you are to say the wrong thing, and the more you say the wrong thing, the more afraid you are of saying the wrong thing" occurs.

The brain cannot recognize the word "don't." This is why trying to not be nervous and not say the wrong thing only makes things worse.

Tell yourself: Being nervous means I'm not yet comfortable. If I say the wrong thing, I can correct it.

Other people don't pay that much attention to us. We're all busy. If someone pays special attention to me, we might become friends. As the saying goes, "No discord without unity."

Relax. Let go of the "should" thinking. You should not behave well or say the wrong thing. You should not strive for perfection.

If you mess up, correct it. If you do something poorly, train to improve.

You can start training right now and become a better version of yourself!

You can do it, young man. I know you can. I wish you the best.

Hello, I'm Flower.

Could I perhaps quote the original words of the questioner? I wonder if we could discuss this in steps? I think it might be helpful to consider a key to the problem, as well as some new ideas and approaches. It might also be useful to consider examples. Finally, I think it's important to remember that we all love the world.

I would like to extend a gesture of support and understanding to the questioner. I can perceive a sense of nervousness and shyness, which manifests as a blank expression when they are overwhelmed.

I empathize with the questioner's anxiety about socializing and perceive a sense of inferiority complex after comparing their high school days and noticing the difference. It's possible there are other perspectives we could consider in addressing these questions.

If I might suggest, let's first try to identify the root of the problem.

It seems that there may be a negative cycle at play here, whereby the questioner becomes nervous when interacting with others and feels a bit worried and at a loss.

It would seem that there is a difference between how the questioner was treated in high school and how they are treated now in college. This could lead to feelings of inferiority.

The questioner seems to believe that forming connections is of great importance, yet he also feels that his introversion is a defect.

After taking a closer look at these issues, let's explore some potential perspectives.

I am a university student. I have recently developed a fear of saying the wrong thing in front of others. I always speak with trepidation, which makes me particularly nervous when speaking. The more nervous I get, the more likely I am to say the wrong thing, and the more I say the wrong thing, the more I fear saying the wrong thing, which creates a vicious circle. Now, whenever I hear someone speak, I get nervous, and when I get nervous, I can hardly hear what the other person is saying. I can only manage to mumble a few standard phrases in response, feeling very nervous inside. I don't hear what the other person is saying, and I perform poorly when speaking, fearing that others will say that I can't speak. This makes me even more anxious. Going out to eat with my classmates should be a happy experience, but I am always very nervous and find it hard to relax and have fun. It always feels like I'm taking an exam, and sometimes I get so nervous that my mind goes blank.

It would be helpful to be able to recognize when we are feeling nervous and to understand our needs.

The question inquires as to why one might feel nervous, which seems to stem from a fear of saying the wrong thing. It would be helpful to understand what the question asker fears saying and what they perceive as the wrong thing to say.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what the appropriate response might be in this situation. It's understandable that the questioner might have felt pressure to perform well in this context, given the expectations that come with taking an exam.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the underlying reasons for our fear. Could it be that we are afraid the other person will oppose us, judge us, or not want to be friends with us? Or is there something else at play?

Could you please clarify what the author's real and specific needs are? Are they hoping to get along with friends, hoping that friends are enthusiastic about them, hoping that friends agree with them, or is there something else?

It might be helpful to consider what these anxious, stressful needs are and to identify ways of coping with them. Making friends is about being genuine, and it's ok to take your time. You might find it useful to read the book "Psychology of Interpersonal Communication."

In high school, I was a good student. I believed that if I studied hard, I would be able to navigate the challenges that came my way. I was fortunate to have the support of my classmates, and I tried to be open and engaging with them. While I was introverted by nature, I didn't have the same difficulties I do now. When I got to university, I learned that social connections are an important aspect of life.

Perhaps we could consider the transition from high school to university thinking.

When we were in high school, the main goal of almost everyone was the college entrance exam. As a result, those who did well in school were often admired. However, it's worth asking whether we have to be envied in college.

In college, we have the opportunity to explore our individual strengths in a variety of areas, including financial management, self-care, interpersonal skills, coursework, academic competitions, sports, talents, and more. While it's not necessary to excel in every field, it's important to recognize that not everyone needs to be the best in every area.

One of the key differences between high school and college is the way we compare ourselves to others. Rather than focusing on differences, it's valuable to shift our perspective and look forward to becoming the person we want to be, learning and doing what we aspire to in college.

University is a gradual process of accumulation. By persevering, you can look back at the end of your studies and realize how great you were for trying so hard!

It is widely acknowledged that social connections are of great importance in society. In China, for instance, personal relationships play a particularly significant role.

Could it be that having a lot of friends means you have good connections?

It is often said that the number of friends one has is not as important as the number of people who know them. Could it be that having a lot of friends does not necessarily mean that one has good interpersonal skills?

It might be worth considering that there are many kinds of friends. Some may be just work relationships, while others may be acquaintances. It could be beneficial to have a few close friends rather than a large number of acquaintances.

Perhaps the best way to expand our social circle is to simply try more and do the things we enjoy. If reading is something you enjoy, you might consider joining a book club. Similarly, if public speaking is your passion, you could attend a speaking salon.

If you haven't yet found your niche, you might consider starting with school clubs and student organizations that align with your interests. You can then gradually engage in communication and get to know each other. If you're feeling particularly shy, you could start with a simple greeting like "Hello, I'm XXX from the XXX major in the Class of 2021, and I'd like to make friends with you."

? And I became anxious about being introverted and having few friends, so I tried to be more outgoing and social, feeling that being introverted was something I needed to work on.

Could you kindly shed some light on the advantages of being introverted?

It could be said that introverts are more focused, good listeners, good at taking action, and creative. Many highly successful people, including Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Pony Ma, Audrey Hepburn, and Haruki Murakami, have an introverted side. Extrovert or introvert, it's just a different personality classification, and there is nothing inherently good or bad about them.

It would be inaccurate to suggest that introverts are inferior. How might introverts go about making friends?

First, we may need to consider challenging the idea that "introverts find it difficult to make friends." It might be helpful to remind yourself that everyone can have friends, including introverts.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to try to improve your various abilities to attract friends with the same frequency. You might find that if you do, the butterflies will come.

I hope the above is helpful to the questioner, and I wish you well.

Hello, classmate. I see you're confused, so I'm going to help you.

You are experiencing some interpersonal problems. I am here to help.

Your problem is likely related to your entry into college.

You had a bad experience talking to your classmates after entering university. It caused you psychological harm.

You must face and deal with it.

You have to deal with it. Otherwise, that bad experience won't disappear. It won't just go away.

It has only been suppressed into your subconscious.

The next time you encounter the same person, thing, or object, that bad experience will be reactivated.

You need to do something about this now.

You need to seek professional psychological counseling and have her formally process all the bad experiences you've had talking to other people in the last semester of college.

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I am confident that you will find an effective solution to the problem you are facing as soon as possible.

These are the only solutions I can think of.

I am confident that my above answers will be helpful and inspiring to you. I am the answer, and I study hard every day.

At Yixinli, we love the world and we love you. Best wishes!