Conflicting interpersonal relationships, how should I handle such a relationship?

Hello, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing, and I'm here to help!

Your current problems might be related to your upbringing.

This often has to do with a relationship you had with your mom when you were a little one, maybe even a baby or toddler.

I'm not sure if this happened when you were a baby or a young child.

For example, every time you cried, your mom would respond to you right away and meet your needs, but sometimes she would ignore you.

This can lead to a more ambivalent attachment pattern when you grow up.

You want to make new friends, but you're afraid of getting too close and invading someone else's space, which is totally understandable!

You're already doing great! You've taken the first step by asking a question about your current problem here on the platform. Kudos to you for being so brave!

There's a lovely saying in psychology: "seeing is healing."

It's so great that you're taking the first step to healing by being aware of what's going on inside you.

It's so important to remember that when you make friends, they come from a completely different family background and will not treat you like your mother.

And you can also give yourself more positive self-suggestions!

For example, try telling yourself that you're taller and stronger than you were as a child, and that you have more inner strength.

I'm happy to say that I'm now perfectly capable of establishing a good relationship with new friends!

If you think it would help, I also suggest that you seek help from a professional counselor.

I really think the consultant is the right person to help you. They're a professional and can give you some better advice.

I really hope the problem you're having now gets solved soon.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I could give you more advice, but I'm only thinking of these things right now.

I really hope my answer was helpful and inspiring for you! I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Wishing you all the best!

Hi there!

Dear Question Asker,

After reviewing your description, I understand the confusion. You want to make friends but are concerned about your ability to manage your relationships. You are unsure of how to balance the depth of your interactions with the lightness of your emotions, which is causing you to hesitate in engaging boldly. To resolve this confusion and address the conflicts in your interpersonal interactions, it is essential to manage the distance of your interactions with your friends.

As the adage goes, "distance creates beauty," and this distance refers not only to physical distance, but also to the distance between hearts. How might one maintain this distance? Let's discuss the following points.

1. In human relationships, sincerity is important. While sincerity is certainly necessary when interacting with others, it is not the only factor that determines the appropriate level of social distance.

It is important to recognise that different individuals require varying degrees of proximity. Those in closer relationships should naturally feel more at ease, while those in more distant relationships should feel less pressure to interact frequently.

2. All actions should be taken in moderation to ensure the continued success of the relationship.

It is important to remember that the maintenance of a relationship is based on respect. Just because you are close to someone does not mean that they will tolerate all of your actions. It is crucial to understand that nobody will unconditionally support you at all times.

The maintenance of a relationship requires mutual tolerance, understanding, and collaboration.

3. It is important to maintain a certain emotional distance in the relationship.

If the relationship becomes too distant and is not maintained, it will gradually drive the two parties apart and cause their interests to diverge.

If you become too intimately involved with someone without clearly defined principles, it will be difficult to establish a baseline for resolving conflicts, which could potentially lead to the dissolution of the relationship.

It is therefore inadvisable to readily offer one's entire self to a relationship. If one does so, it may foster a sense of entitlement in the other party. It would be prudent to exercise restraint.

Furthermore, should the relationship evolve, the potential for awkward situations will be greatly reduced.

If you can effectively manage the distance between you and your partner, and if you can find the optimal balance, you will be able to avoid further complications in your relationship and can proceed with confidence in expressing your love and commitment.

The above represents my understanding of the matter, and I hope it will be of some assistance to the original poster.

Hello! I'm Li Di, and I'm thrilled to have this chance to chat with you.

From your question, we can see that you are thinking about the appropriateness of interpersonal relationships. You are afraid of disturbing each other's boundaries when you are close, and you are worried that you will not be able to establish a good connection if you are far away. So you are very confused and think you are full of contradictions. I give you a hug. We can explore this together!

In our daily lives, we are all inseparable from the topic of interpersonal relationships. Your thinking is very commendable! When we interact with others, I will think about what you described. What kind of interpersonal relationships do I desire for myself? What can I give in interpersonal relationships? What are my boundaries and comfort levels? What kind of response do I need from the other person? When making new friends, what makes me worry about invading my friend's boundaries or being alienated from each other? Has this kind of thing happened before, or is this kind of worry triggered by my own experiences and feelings? In this case,

Absolutely! I can communicate sincerely with my friends.

From your description, I can tell that you have some really interesting thoughts about interpersonal distance. This shows me that you care a lot about maintaining the quality of your relationships and that you're sensitive to the feelings of others. I think this conflicted feeling is a sign that you're torn between wanting to connect with people and wanting to be independent. This is something a lot of us experience as humans, and it's totally normal!

It's great that you want to make new friends! We all have a strong need for belonging, and we are social creatures who crave connection and interaction with others.

At the same time, you express the importance you attach to maintaining your personal space, which reflects your need for autonomy. Everyone needs some time alone to process their thoughts and reflect on themselves as part of healthy personal development—and you're no exception!

It's totally normal to worry that being too close will invade someone's space or that being too far away will lead to alienation. It may stem from a fear of losing a relationship or a fear of rejection. But don't worry! This feeling is quite natural, especially when we are unsure of how the other person feels.

You may be able to see that your heart is searching for a balance between enjoying the company of others and maintaining your personal independence. This is an ideal interpersonal state, and you can achieve it! It depends on many factors, such as cultural background, personal experience, and the current environment, but you can make it happen.

So when faced with the current ambivalence of interpersonal relationships, we can try to take some time to think about what aspects of your past interpersonal relationships made you feel satisfied and what made you feel uncomfortable. This can give us a clearer understanding of our own needs and boundaries, which is a great thing!

At the same time, it's a great idea to gradually adjust the way you interact with others and see what level of contact makes you feel most comfortable. This is a process of trial and error, and there is no need to rush!

Affirmations are a great way to boost your confidence! Try saying things like "I can build relationships at my own pace" or "I can respect others while also maintaining my own space."

Also, try recording your feelings after each social interaction. This is a great way to understand which situations make you feel happy and which ones make you feel stressed. Also, accept your own unique style of social interaction. Everyone has their own way, and there is no absolute right or wrong.

If you're still struggling, don't worry! You can always seek the help of a counselor. They can help you understand yourself better and explore how you can maintain personal boundaries while still enjoying socializing.

Be patient with yourself as you embark on this journey of self-discovery! Allow yourself to explore and grow at your own pace. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to navigating relationships.

Each person and each relationship is unique, and that's a wonderful thing! We need to be sincere, respectful, and patient, while also taking care of our own emotional needs.

I really hope my answer is helpful! And remember, you are one-of-a-kind, and you deserve all the best!

Dear friend, I can see you're struggling with this. You want to connect with others, but you're worried that being too close will invade someone's space, or that being too distant will result in losing contact.

This conflict makes you anxious, and you may feel nervous before every social situation, worrying that you will make the wrong decision. Why do others seem to be able to handle these things so easily, while you have to work so hard?

Is there something wrong with you? Why can't you interact with people as naturally as other people?

A lot of people face similar challenges in their relationships, so you're not alone. Paying attention to interpersonal distance and trying to find a balance actually shows how important relationships are to you and how much you value other people's feelings.

You're willing to invest time and energy thinking about how to get along with people, which shows respect and value for the relationship. Your efforts are worthy of recognition, and your feelings are worthy of being heard.

In psychology, the phenomenon you describe can be linked to the concept of "interpersonal boundaries." Interpersonal boundaries refer to an individual's ability to maintain an appropriate emotional and behavioral distance from others. They help us protect our personal space while respecting the space of others.

When we set boundaries in the right way, we can find a balance between intimacy and independence without feeling violated or lonely.

Regarding the conflict you mentioned, the first step to building a healthy relationship is understanding your own needs and boundaries. You can try asking yourself what you want from your friends.

What can you offer your friends? And where are your personal boundaries?

Sometimes, our concerns about interpersonal distance may come from deep-seated insecurities or past experiences. Mindfulness meditation and keeping an emotional diary can help you understand your emotions better and learn to regulate them.

Good communication helps you express your needs while understanding the needs of others. You can learn communication skills like "I" language, which helps you express feelings without blaming others.

In real-life situations, you can try different ways of interacting and see which ones make you feel good and which ones make you feel bad. With a bit of practice, you can gradually find an interpersonal interaction model that suits you.

Talking to a friend or family member you trust can help you see things differently and get advice. If you're struggling to deal with these issues yourself, or if they're affecting your quality of life, it's a good idea to seek help from a counselor.

Everyone has their own rhythm and approach, and there's no one right way to handle relationships. Finding the right balance will take time and practice.

As you go through this process, be kind to yourself. You're doing a great job!

Hello. From your description, it seems that you are experiencing a bit of a dilemma between wanting to make new friends and being concerned about relationships because you are worried about getting the interpersonal distance and closeness balance wrong.

From my perspective, your conflict seems to reflect your desire to be thoughtful and considerate when making friends. It seems that you value interpersonal relationships and long to establish good relationships, which may lead to feelings of worry about "failing." It's possible that there may also be an idealized expectation of the relationship and self, that is, the hope that the relationship is just right, without conflict or discomfort. At the same time, you believe that you are responsible for maintaining a good relationship.

Idealization can have positive effects, encouraging us to approach something with care and attention. It can also lead us to reflect on our own behavior in the relationship and grow from it.

On the other hand, however, idealizing relationships, or oneself or others, can potentially lead to a certain level of stress. When conflicts and disagreements arise, it is understandable to feel frustrated and lost, and even to doubt oneself – to feel that one is incapable of building a good relationship, or that one has done something wrong that has caused disharmony in the relationship.

All relationships are a long-term process of learning and exploration. It is to be expected that no matter what kind of relationship it is, it will not always be smooth sailing and all-encompassing. Whether it is an intimate relationship, a friendship, a colleague relationship, a schoolmate relationship, or a neighborhood relationship, different individuals have their own personality traits and

It is also worth noting that personal boundaries and people often display variation and flexibility in different relationships. Consequently, it may be challenging to identify a uniform pattern of interaction.

In light of these considerations, it may be helpful to consider adjusting our expectations and approaching relationships with an open and exploratory attitude. By doing so, we may gain valuable insights into how to foster healthy and fulfilling connections.

We can gain valuable insight into the kind of boundaries that would be most suitable for this person and for our relationship with them by considering our own feelings and the feedback of others.

It is also important to remember that in a relationship, both people play a role in its success. While it is not always easy to accept, sometimes a relationship just does not work out, and it is not anyone's fault.

When meeting new people, there is no need to set any specific goals, such as aiming to become friends with them. You can simply chat if you feel a connection, and it is perfectly acceptable to take a moment to collect your thoughts if you run out of things to say.

Hello, question owner! I can tell you're worried about making friends. You're worried what you say and do will affect your friendships. You don't know what to do.

There are laws of interpersonal relationships. If you want others to treat you a certain way, you must first consider how you want to treat yourself and others. If you don't want to damage a relationship, don't say or do anything that will affect it.

Treat others the way you want to be treated. If you don't like being denied, judged, or accused, don't do it to others. If you don't like others entering your personal space, don't do it to others.

Of course, mutual communication is still necessary to understand friends' preferences and bottom lines. The questioner needs to be aware of what is causing their inner conflict and entanglement, such as a lack of security and distrust in relationships. To socialize boldly, make more friends, and think and summarize as you go along, corresponding adjustments and changes are needed.

These are just my opinions.

Good morning,

A gentle, reassuring gesture.

The questions are posed in a gentle and honest manner, and the narrative is quite candid. As you read, you may perceive the long-term distress caused by interpersonal relationships. However, it must be acknowledged that managing interpersonal relationships is not a simple task, as it involves the influence of personal boundaries and the environment.

Perhaps it would be helpful to start with an explanation of what is meant by "personal boundaries." In this context, the term refers to the boundaries that an individual sets according to their own requirements. These boundaries are put in place to ensure that one's emotions and personal space are respected and not violated by others.

It is understandable that everyone's boundaries are different and change according to their own needs, which can help improve the ability to get along with others. Some people may have higher requirements and be more vigilant for interpersonal relationships, while others, although not difficult to get along with, may have strict requirements for specific boundaries.

I believe that listening is an important aspect of interpersonal relationships.

The original poster also inquired about my ability to understand the interpersonal boundaries of my friends. This brings up two potential messages. One is that I have confidence in interpersonal relationships but may not fully understand how to meet the needs of others. The other is that I lack confidence in myself, which can lead to anxiety in social situations. This could be a form of social anxiety.

In my opinion, the former is relatively easier to solve because having a certain degree of self-confidence indicates a certain ability to love oneself. This ability to love oneself is related to whether or not we developed a good ability to love ourselves as babies. The latter is not so easy to solve because low self-confidence is related to low self-esteem. One possible solution could be to start by changing low self-esteem to help ourselves fundamentally improve self-confidence.

As previously discussed, it is important to understand that any change does not happen overnight. It may be helpful to start by being aware of emotions, improving self-awareness, and clearly understanding oneself.

Just as a tree with strong roots is more resilient in the face of wind and rain, we can also benefit from strengthening our emotional awareness. As we navigate relationships with others, it's important to understand and acknowledge the personal boundaries of those around us. This can help us build healthier and more fulfilling interpersonal connections.

For instance, a person's self-boundaries are often conveyed through clear language, as well as subtle cues and expressions of behavior or thoughts. This is typically the boundary that the other person deems acceptable and can accommodate. When I recognize that I can better adjust my behavior to show respect and understanding, the relationship dynamic between us becomes more balanced.

"I'm not particularly fond of tea."

"Oh, I'm sorry, would you like me to get you a coffee or a drink instead?"

"Thank you, I appreciate it. Let's have coffee."

This is a relatively clear expression, and there are also some less clear but definitely uncomfortable behaviors that I sense, such as the other person's personal habits and interests. For example, I like hot pot, but the other person doesn't. In order to avoid conflict, the other person may refuse in a tactful way. At this time, if I don't realize it, I may develop "ego-attachment" and try to persuade the other person. If the other person's thoughts at this time are not firm, although they reluctantly go along, the suppressed emotions will eventually damage the relationship. The other person may feel that their feelings have not been taken seriously, and they may develop resentment or uncomfortable feelings.

With regard to the internal social anxiety that the questioner is experiencing, it could be said that it is fundamentally a lack of self-confidence. This may require conscious awareness, timely adjustment of unreasonable beliefs, attention to facts, and other factors that the self may be overlooking. By improving self-confidence, one can also improve the ability to express one's internal needs, allow the flow of information in the relationship, and be able to promptly understand the other's true thoughts and information. This can then lead to an improved experience of getting along with others, thus generating a better positive experience. Gradually, this will also lead to an improvement in one's sense of self-esteem and self-confidence.

Self-esteem is a very broad topic and therefore involves many dimensions. For example, the questioner's problem may extend beyond social anxiety to encompass other feelings of insufficient self-esteem, which could potentially lead to a lack of inner self-confidence in interpersonal relationships. Psychological treatment may also be beneficial in improving the ability to love oneself and enhancing the sense of self-worth.

For instance, a straightforward rejection of the norm, such as the other party having a prior engagement and being unable to honor the appointment, often leads me to question whether I may have been overlooked for other reasons. However, it's possible that the other party initiated the appointment and that my concerns are misplaced.

It might be said that self-confidence is a person's confidence in their ability to achieve goals, while self-esteem is more broadly related to self-evaluation, dignity, and self-worth.

I hope these answers will be helpful to you.

I hope this message finds you well. Please accept my best regards.

Dear Sir/Madam, I hope my answer proves useful to you.

Indeed, your awareness is commendable, as you are considering what interpersonal boundaries are most suitable for you. Any effective relationship allows for a balance between proximity and distance, with the appropriate boundaries in place.

Furthermore, it is important to be able to distinguish between close and distant relationships in the context of business. Given the limited amount of energy available to us, it is not feasible to maintain close relationships with everyone. We will feel more comfortable when we can place everyone we meet in the appropriate position within our professional network.

I would like to offer you the following advice:

1. Effective relationships are contingent upon the establishment of appropriate boundaries.

Boundaries are akin to limits or edges that delineate a specific area. Effective boundaries are adaptable and can evolve. They also encompass two fundamental tendencies: "approach" and "withdraw." From a psychological standpoint, boundaries signify the recognition of one's individuality and that of others. We can identify ourselves as subjects and also perceive others as distinct entities.

In a relationship, it is essential to differentiate between one's own emotions and thoughts and those of the other person. This enables two individuals to establish a genuine and authentic connection.

If there is a lack of clarity regarding boundaries and if I am treated as part of you, then my love and hatred for you is actually for myself.

Boundaries are fundamental to relationships. They create the space between two people. The clearer the boundaries, the more freedom each partner has, and the more secure they feel. When you act in accordance with the established boundaries, your actions are more likely to be accepted, supported, and build a sense of trust.

It is also important to establish boundaries when socializing with friends. If you feel uncomfortable in a relationship and believe that the other person is becoming too intimate, it is essential to communicate this clearly, sincerely, and consistently. This is a form of self-protection. When others feel that you are becoming too intimate and that your actions have crossed their boundaries, it is vital to communicate effectively and respect their boundaries. Only by doing so can each of us be freer to be ourselves in a relationship, and such a relationship will also be comfortable for both parties.

2. It is important to clearly define your specific needs in each relationship and assess whether the other party is able to fulfill them. If the other person is unable to provide what you require, it may be necessary to identify a more suitable relationship or alternative solutions that align with your needs in a more reasonable manner.

A good relationship is one in which each person can provide the other with what the other needs. However, many interpersonal relationships have problems because we ask the other person for something that they are unable to provide, lack the ability to provide, or fail to communicate how they need to provide it.

In my clinical practice, I frequently encounter employees who seek to express their frustration with their supervisors. These individuals often feel that their contributions are not adequately recognized by their superiors, who tend to offer criticism rather than recognition. They believe that constant criticism is the most effective motivator for employees, but this approach often leads to frustration and anger when the employee feels unappreciated.

It is important to assess whether our needs in the relationship with our boss can be met. If our boss is not adept at treating employees with affirmation and encouragement, it may be challenging to receive the recognition we desire. This could lead to frustration. However, by letting go of this need and seeking it in other, more suitable relationships, we can find individuals who can recognize and support us. This allows us to truly satisfy our needs. Regarding the relationship with our boss, we can adjust our expectations. While our boss may not be able to provide the recognition we seek, he will pay our salary and provide a platform for improving our work abilities. This allows us to satisfy our needs for financial and work improvement in the relationship with our boss.

It is important to recognize that each of us has limitations, but we can have many different relationships and many different friends. By identifying the specific needs that different relationship partners can provide for us, we can find the right people to meet our needs. For example, we can seek out friends who enjoy shopping, find someone who understands psychology to chat with, or find friends who love sports to exercise with. By having these different relationships, we can meet most of our needs. Having a strong support system and a sense of nourishment from our relationships is crucial for our overall well-being.

3. Our interpersonal network is extensive, and it requires effort to organize and determine the specific position of each individual within the network. This allows us to gain a clearer understanding of the strength of our relationships with different people.

In any given social setting, each of us has a vast network of interpersonal connections. However, our energy is finite, and it is impractical to maintain a close relationship with every individual in our network. It is therefore essential to categorize our relationships based on their importance, relative importance, and level of effort required to maintain them. This process allows us to strategically place each individual in our network, ensuring clarity and understanding in our relationships and preventing misplacement and potential issues.

As a mother, I previously found it challenging to accept that parents in my child's class, who lacked a psychological understanding, were consistently operating in a manner that contravened psychological principles when educating their children. I felt compelled to offer corrections to their thinking. However, I later recognized that my distress originated from within myself, stemming from my failure to fulfill my role effectively in the relationship. When I am able to align myself properly in this kind of relationship, I simply need to position myself as a parent, cooperate effectively with the school, and fulfill the responsibilities of a parent. It is not about viewing other parents and teachers, including children, through the lens of a counselor. I have since become considerably more relaxed and am becoming increasingly comfortable communicating with them.

Please refer to the above for your information. Best regards,

Hello, I'm Shanshan S. I see you say you feel conflicted and confused about your personality. In terms of interpersonal relationships, you want to make friends but you're also confused about the daily interactions of making friends. You feel close to someone, but you're afraid of invading their space.

It seems that you are concerned about the possibility of growing apart. From what I can see, you are very serious about making friends.

In other words, you are very sincere, and this attitude towards making friends is easy for others to identify with. Moreover, you are good at noticing and capturing other people's negative emotions, which could be helpful in the process of making friends.

I believe the first step is to identify the specific challenge you're facing. It seems like you're interested in making friends, but you're hesitant about the potential difficulties that might arise.

Could this be a case of wanting both? It's worth considering that in many cases, we can already be very good at one thing. If we still want to be good at the other thing, might we be being a little greedy?

Secondly, you feel that regardless of the proximity of your relationship with others, you don't feel particularly positive about it. I can relate to that. In interpersonal relationships, it's important to have a sensitive heart that allows us to perceptively identify when others are unhappy or dissatisfied.

This suggests that you are someone who is adept at considering the perspectives of others. If you find the level of intimacy in a relationship challenging, it might be helpful to reflect on the concept of personal boundaries.

Try to get along with people, understand the sense of proportion and boundaries, avoid stepping on other people's boundaries, and maintain your own boundaries well. If you do these things within the scope acceptable to both parties, you can carry out a series of activities together without causing anyone to be unhappy.

It is also understandable that most human troubles are caused by interpersonal relationships.

It is also normal to experience such conflicting emotions. It may be helpful to acknowledge these emotions and to continue interacting with others despite any internal conflict that may arise.

As the saying goes, "Many friends make the road go easier." While there is no guarantee that the road will be easier, there are certainly benefits to be gained from broadening our horizons and increasing our knowledge and experience.

There are many potential advantages to forming friendships.