Conflicts in my heart. Whenever my child feels even the slightest bit unwell, I make things difficult for my husband?

Hello, question owner, I'll give you my thoughts after reading your story.

You got married and had a child, and you wanted to quit your job and take care of your child full-time. That's really a great motherly love. It's really not easy to give up your own work and career. You were worried that your mother-in-law might not be able to take good care of the child. A mother's companionship is the best for a child. However, you didn't get the support of your husband and mother-in-law. I think you must have felt pretty bad about that. In addition, your child got seriously ill when he was three and a half years old. You must have blamed them inside for not taking good care of the child. If you had taken care of the child, this would not have happened. But you still guided your husband and yourself to cure the child's illness as soon as possible. In fact, you have a lot of grievances inside. You feel that you didn't take good care of the child, that your husband doesn't understand you, and that he didn't support you when you took care of the child. On the one hand, you blame your husband for taking child care too lightly and not paying attention to some details. So you tell him when the child is not feeling well, so that he knows what you are doing and how difficult it is.

You want to get your husband involved so that he understands you and knows how hard you're working.

Hello! I just wanted to say a big thank you for your kindness, your concern for your husband, and your acceptance of your mother-in-law.

Before you start answering, I invite you to try listening to the real voice inside you, and then write it down! For example:

I get to take care of the child! I should give up everything, otherwise the child will get sick.

I don't want to go to work! I get to take care of the child, which is so important for their health and well-being.

I have to say, I don't approve of my mother-in-law's parenting style and abilities.

I don't accept my mother-in-law, and I'm working on it!

I don't accept myself, yet!

...

The above may or may not be true. But here's the exciting part: you get to listen to the true voice within! With this perspective, you can ask yourself, "Is this true?" For example:

"I have to take care of the baby, I should give up everything, otherwise the baby will get sick." Is this true? Let's find out!

Let's take this viewpoint as an example. First of all, the child's illness is a fact that we cannot avoid. This is an opportunity for us to accept the child's illness and to define ourselves by something other than the child's illness. For example, when the child is ill, I am not a good mother. This is a chance for us to recognize that we are not responsible for the child's illness and to stop blaming ourselves and attacking others. When we see this pattern, we should then consider whether this viewpoint is true.

Keep a dialogue with your inner self and see what you really need! What do you expect?

We can absolutely express our needs truthfully! It's just that we're used to expressing our needs in a timely manner or in the form of sarcasm, which makes it easier to misunderstand and subsequently trigger conflicts.

So, the next thing we need to do is practice awareness, be curious about what's going on with us, and then accurately express our feelings, expectations, etc. And guess what? We can take responsibility for our expectations!

I wish you all the happiness in the world!

Hello! After reading your description, I feel so sorry for you.

I totally get where you're coming from!

I think of the time when I first had a child. The moment we become mothers, we are transformed! How important that little life is to us!

We want to spend time with our children and give them the best care possible. This is something most mothers long for, and it's an amazing opportunity for you to show your love and dedication to your little ones! However, your husband and mother-in-law have given you the chance to explore your role as a mother in a different way, allowing you to work while they take care of the children.

From that day on, you have had a grudge inside you against them. But you have not expressed your feelings or dissatisfaction, and have suppressed it all. But now is the time to let it out!

Your resentment towards your children skyrocketed after they had a serious illness.

Later, your child had a serious illness. For a mother, this is a painful and sad thing. Watching your child suffer, you wished you could take your child's place. You feel that it is because they did not give you the opportunity to take care of the child before, and it is their lack of care that caused the illness. You may also blame yourself for not insisting on taking care of the child yourself.

You feel that they have hurt you and the child, so the resentment in your heart has escalated and may have turned into hatred. But don't despair! There is a way to improve.

Ready to make some positive changes? Let's dive in!

Your personality may be habitual in not venting your emotions and expressing your opinions, so now when you find out that your husband has done something wrong, you really want to blame him. This is a kind of repressed aggression in psychology, and this aggression may be directed at yourself or at others. But don't worry! There's a simple way to improve this.

Because your emotions are not properly vented, they tend to fluctuate. This is totally normal! Your dissatisfaction makes you want to punish him, and then you beat yourself up again, which shows that you are kind and gentle at heart.

When we feel misunderstood and hurt, it's so important to remember that suppressing our emotions is not the answer! We should release our negative emotions in a timely manner to keep our physical and mental health in tip-top shape.

There are so many ways to regulate your emotions! You can talk things out, change your perspective, exercise, or even distract yourself with a hobby.

Look at it from a different perspective!

I think you can look at your distress from a different perspective. I know you were very distressed when your child got sick, and it wasn't just a minor illness. But you've got this! You can do it!

The good news is that the child has now recovered, which is a great outcome. It's rare for children not to fall ill during their development, and taking care of children is also a very time-consuming and energy-intensive task.

Many stay-at-home mothers feel very insecure and aggrieved when their family members blame them for even the slightest problem with their children. But what if you were the one taking care of the children all the time? Would your husband and mother-in-law blame you if the children got sick?

This feeling of being wronged and not being understood and recognized is also very difficult to bear. But there is a way to make you feel more relaxed! It's as simple as thinking from a different perspective.

I'm so happy to hear that things are looking up for you! Has your mood improved at all since we last spoke?

Dear, I'm Yan Shiqi, and I can see you're having a tough time. I'm sending you a big, warm hug from afar! I hope my answer can help you find a way through your troubles.

First of all, I think you've already forgiven your mother-in-law, which is great! It's just that when you have problems with your child, it reminds you of how you felt at the time, which can make you worry and feel helpless. But you're already expressing all of this through "tormenting" your husband, which is totally normal!

You're already doing a great job by facing this situation head-on.

Sometimes, when we have something on our mind, the best thing we can do is talk about it. It's amazing how much better we feel once we've expressed ourselves! I've got a few other tips for getting along with your husband in the future, which I hope you'll find helpful.

It would be really great if you could find a moment to have a good chat with your husband.

It's so important to express your feelings, but try not to accuse or criticize. Imagine you're a mother who is worried about the child and feels guilty about not being able to take care of the child yourself and being forced to let your mother-in-law do it.

I truly believe that your husband has a lot on his mind. After all, your mother-in-law is his mother, you are his wife, and the child is your common child.

I really do believe that after you two chat, your husband will be able to unblock and relieve himself. And that'll be great for your relationship, as well as for your little one.

2. If there's anything your husband needs to do for the child, just let him know!

I'm so happy to hear that the child's problems have improved so much! It's clear that you love your child and that your husband is willing to work with you to treat them.

So, when you're facing problems with your little one, don't be afraid to ask for help! Your husband is there for a reason, so let him lend a hand with your child.

You can do whatever you want in your heart, and he should do what he can as the father. Or perhaps he can make up for the mistakes of the mother-in-law.

This way, everyone's psychological burden will be eased, and everything will develop in a positive direction.

3. Let's join forces to create a happy, healthy environment for our little ones!

I truly believe that when all this happens, the child will also be affected and change in some way. At this time, as parents, we should not only pay attention to external factors such as the child's body, but also pay close attention to the child's changes.

Some things children nowadays don't understand are still there in their hearts. They just can't express them yet.

A person can go further if they are not only physically strong, but also have a strong inner core. This inner strength is determined by the environment created by family members when you were a child.

You've been doing a great job, Mom and Dad! You haven't had any deep conflicts, and you can all unite to create a warm and powerful home atmosphere together.

I truly believe that your child will gradually grow stronger mentally, and as a mother, you will reap even more rewards.

I really hope this helps!

Let's cheer together, my friends! ?

Hello! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

I feel that the whole family attaches great importance to the child, which is wonderful! However, it seems there are different opinions about who should take care of the child. You finally agreed with their suggestion, which is great! But it seems you were forced to do so. And then, since the child had a serious illness when he was 3 and a half years old, did the mother-in-law withdraw from taking care of the child?

Are you and your husband the ones taking care of the child? You take care of the child yourself during the day, don't you?

But now, when your child is even slightly unwell, you have the opportunity to work through some of your deeper issues. You can choose to make things difficult for your husband by making him run back and forth, or you can choose to work through your guilt and conflict. In fact, this is an amazing chance to grow! You need to see the reason behind your actions and your own needs. At the same time, in a relationship, it is recommended to be true to yourself, not to suppress your own needs, but to communicate sincerely and deeply connect with your partner. In this way, your relationship will become more stable, and your own heart will also feel more at ease.

Once we suppress our needs and emotions, they don't just disappear. They enter the subconscious, ready to burst forth at any moment! Just like you suppressed your desire to take care of the child yourself and not let your mother-in-law take care of the child, you have always felt aggrieved. But you have never expressed it or sought relief. So, the moment the child became ill, it erupted!

If you had not suppressed your needs all along, and if you had truly accepted letting your mother-in-law take care of the baby, your emotions would not have been so intense. This is the result of our long-term suppression, and it can be undone!

And now, when the child has some minor problem, you always ask your husband to run back and forth. Is this also to satisfy some of your own needs? This is something you need to be aware of. Perhaps, subconsciously, you blame your husband?

You can choose to see this in a different light. Instead of blaming him for not agreeing to let you take care of the baby on your own, you can choose to see it as an opportunity for growth. And instead of blaming him for the child's serious illness due to his persistence at the time, you can choose to see it as a chance to heal. These are all parts that you can become aware of.

Once you see these deep-seated causes, you'll understand why you are the way you are and know how to adjust—and you'll be amazed at what you discover!

Once you've identified the root cause of your behavior, it's time to embrace it! Don't suppress or deny your feelings — accept and understand yourself. Acknowledge your own challenges and imperfections, and embrace your vulnerability. When you're honest and accepting with yourself, you'll have the courage to express your feelings to others. Admit your vulnerability and watch as it transforms into strength!

I don't know if your mother-in-law is still helping with the childcare. If she is, I suggest you express your needs honestly, make your own choice, and take on the corresponding responsibility. You can choose to continue listening to them and let your mother-in-law continue to take care of the children, but you also have the opportunity to experience the corresponding consequences, which is that the children will be affected by your mother-in-law, you will feel more relaxed, and they won't say anything to you, etc. You can also choose not to let your mother-in-law take care of the children and choose to do it yourself, but you also have the chance to experience the corresponding consequences, which may be that they will say things to you, you will have a harder time, it will affect your work, etc. You can also choose to take care of the children together with your mother-in-law, but you can communicate with her and suggest what she needs to do for the children's sake.

This is called topic separation in psychology. It's important to remember that no matter what choice we make, it is impossible to be perfect. We cannot have our cake and eat it too! But after you have made a choice, you must also think about the consequences you have to bear. If you are willing to bear the consequences, then you should make that choice. You should not be unhappy, torn, or regretful after making a choice.

So, to put it another way, the choice we made at the time was actually our own, and we have the exciting opportunity to bear the consequences of our choice. From now on, whenever we make a choice, we should think about the consequences, express our opinions to them honestly, and embrace the chance to bear the consequences of our choice.

It's the same as when you tell your husband to come home because your child has a minor problem. You can choose to tell him to come home every time, but you can also choose to face it alone and ask your husband for help in other ways, such as through video or phone calls, so that he doesn't have to run back and forth. This will satisfy your needs and make everyone more relaxed. These are all your choices, and you can decide for yourself!

In short, I suggest that you see the reasons behind your actions, learn to understand yourself, learn to accept your own vulnerability, learn to express yourself in relationships, learn to separate issues, and bear the consequences of your choices. I believe that you will feel more comfortable in relationships and your heart will be freer—and it's going to be an amazing journey!

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, After reading your statement, I can almost see you, writhing in agony after tormenting your husband and holding your child. I hug you, I can see your conflict. Let me help you sort it out.

You've made four main points in your statement.

1. After having a child, you wanted to raise it yourself, but your husband wanted your mother-in-law to take care of it, and you went along with it.

2. When the child was three and a half years old, he had a serious illness that thankfully got better.

3. Now, whenever the child is not feeling well, even though you can handle it all on your own, you bring your husband back in, leaving him exhausted.

4. You know this is the wrong approach, but you can't seem to change it, and you regret it afterwards, so you are really conflicted.

Let's take each one apart, one by one.

1. After having a child, you wanted to raise it yourself, but your husband insisted that your mother-in-law do it, and you went along with it. You were unhappy about it, but you didn't say anything. One day, you'll find a way to vent.

2. When the child was 3 and a half years old, he had a serious illness that was fortunately cured. You didn't mention the cause of the illness in the text, but it seems like your husband didn't let you raise the child on your own, and he also agreed with this.

3. Now, whenever the child is not feeling well, even though you can handle it all on your own, you bring your husband back in, leaving him exhausted. Since your husband is the one who made the decision to involve himself, it seems fair to punish him a little.

4. You know this is wrong, but you can't overcome it, and you regret it afterwards, so you are extremely conflicted. You feel sad and angry at the same time, and you are conflicted. You see your husband suffer, and it makes you sad. If it weren't for his wrong decision back then, how could the child be unwell?

Now, you can really think about what caused your child to get sick. Did your husband's decision really cause it? Have you wrongly accused him? Should he accept the punishment now?

What are the potential consequences of taking this approach?

It's also worth checking whether your anger at your husband for not doing what you wanted, which you suppressed a few years ago, is really the root cause of your issues. The child's illness provides you with an excuse and a way to let off steam. At the same time, you're using the situation to punish your husband for not listening to you.

The reason you're conflicted is that you know what really caused the child's illness, but it's wrong to blame your husband without reason.

Dear reader, I'll leave it there for now. I'm not sure if you've resolved your conflict. I hope I've been able to help you, and I wish you a quick resolution to your concerns and a happy life!

If this were the plot of a movie, how would you see it?

If you step outside of your role and look at the whole thing as an outsider, you will gain a new awareness.

Take the opportunity to see what you really think.

After you got married, you had a child. You wanted to quit your job and devote yourself to your child, but your husband didn't agree and asked your mother-in-law to take care of the child. You didn't want your mother-in-law to take care of the child, but you had to compromise.

After you got married, you had a child. You wanted to quit your job and devote yourself to your child, but your husband disagreed and asked your mother-in-law to take care of the child. You didn't want your mother-in-law to take care of the child, but you had no choice but to compromise.

Your child had a serious illness when he was 3 and a half years old. Fortunately, he was unharmed. After that, whenever your child feels unwell, you make your husband run back and forth between work and home.

You know you can handle things with your child, but you make things difficult for your husband. You don't know what's going on, and you feel guilty towards him.

From this information, we can conclude that you did not willingly accept your mother-in-law coming to take care of the children. You passively accepted it and were not happy about it, but ultimately chose to compromise and put this dissatisfaction aside. Alternatively, you convinced yourself to accept this fact, and this acceptance has caused you some harm, which you may not have realized.

You did not willingly accept your mother-in-law coming to take care of the children. You passively accepted it and were not happy about it, but ultimately chose to compromise and put this dissatisfaction aside. This acceptance has caused you some harm, which you may not have realized.

The child later had a serious illness, which worried the family. Fortunately, you and your husband worked together to overcome the difficulties. However, this incident also had a big impact on you. If your mother-in-law had not taken care of the child, but you had, would this have prevented it? After the child got better, it still sometimes feels unwell. You will try to get your husband to come home from work by making a fuss. You seem to be exaggerating your worries about the child being ill. If your mother-in-law had not taken care of the child, it is possible that the child would not have had that serious illness, and you would not be so sensitive and worried about the child's health now.

You need to accept your mother-in-law. You don't say how you refer to her in the incident description, but you do refer to her as "his mother." This is a problem in family life. It may be because of your upbringing or your relationship with your husband.

You need to accept your mother-in-law. Look at how you refer to her in the incident description. You always call her "his mother." This is not acceptable. There are many reasons why you might not have discussed your inner thoughts with your husband. Perhaps it's because of your upbringing, your relationship with your husband, your desire for family harmony, or your concern about having a direct conflict with your mother-in-law. Whatever the reason, you need to address this issue. Your worries about your child's health are rooted in insecurity and fear. Your mother-in-law is caring for the child, and this is causing you anxiety. You want to convey this anxiety to your husband, which is why you're coming up with ways to get him to come back and participate in your helplessness and anxiety. You're a kind person, and you can't find the source of your anxiety. However, seeing your husband running back and forth, you feel guilty and distressed.

I want to hug you right now, through all of this.

I want to hug you through all of this.

Bringing up a child is not easy for the elderly, and it's not a situation you're happy about either.

It's not easy on your conscience either.

If my analysis is on point, I'll move on to my next point. To resolve a conflict, you must first recognize it. If you feel uncomfortable, you're in the problem area. The problem area isn't about right and wrong. It's about being in the middle of emotions.

If my analysis makes sense, I'll move on to my next point. To resolve a conflict, you must first recognize it. If you feel uncomfortable, you're in the problem area. The problem area isn't about determining who is right or wrong. It's about being in the middle of emotions. Then you have to recognize your true needs behind the conflict. You want to give your child your full attention. You're also dissatisfied with your mother-in-law's child-rearing. What are the areas of dissatisfaction? Talk to your mother-in-law or husband about it. First, express your gratitude to the elderly. It's also difficult for the elderly to raise children. Then communicate your dissatisfaction without emotion. Reach a consensus with them.

Every family wants to be harmonious and loving. Especially now that there are more conscious couples, they want to create a good environment for their children. There's nothing that can't be communicated. When getting along with family members, you have to be brave enough to express your true needs, rather than letting the other person guess. Avoidance only makes things worse.

As I said in another answer, family is a place for emotions, not reason. If you have sorted out the past, let it go. People who truly know happiness will not hold onto past hurts and let them consume their present lives. This requires self-awareness, and you must sincerely express your needs. You must also remind yourself that if there is a blockage in my heart, I will deal with this blockage and emotion first, rather than projecting my emotions onto others. This will make it much easier.

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, you seem like a kind and responsible person. We all face challenges in life, and I admire your courage in identifying the problem and your willingness to make changes.

Your description is clear and complete, and it's pretty obvious what the root of the problem is: the illness your child had when he was three and a half years old left you with "heart disease."

Your description is clear and complete, and it's pretty obvious what the root of the problem is: the illness your child had when he was three and a half years old left you with "heart disease."

It seems like that event has always been on your mind, and you still have negative feelings towards your husband and mother-in-law, even though the child's condition has improved.

Let's take a look at a few things.

1. Do my husband and mother-in-law want the child to get sick?

2. Is there a clear link between the child's illness and the mother-in-law's care?

3. If you were the one looking after the child at the time, would you say that the child would not have had any problems?

If you think about these things, you'll gradually feel better. In real life, we can't judge someone based only on their wishes or the outcome. Accidents often result from multiple uncontrollable factors. If we're too focused on one factor and blame ourselves for one thing, we'll get nowhere.

I know you blame yourself as well as them. If you forgive yourself, you can move on from those people and things.

I'm Xiao Dong, a psychological counselor. I hope you have a happy life.

Hi there, I'm Xing Ying, a psychological counselor and a national level 3 counselor.

You'll always be an irreplaceable and important person in your child's life. You're very important to them, no doubt about it!

This is the first thing I want to say to you after reading your question!

You're the child's mother, and you were connected to the child during the ten months of pregnancy. Because of this natural connection, you know best when the child is not feeling well or when it makes the slightest movement. No one is more qualified or more capable of taking care of the child than you!

You're both irreplaceable!

[Different starting points lead to disagreements]

At the time, I wanted to quit my job and devote myself to taking care of and accompanying the child, but my husband wouldn't let me. He and his mother both thought that since his mother didn't work and was at home taking care of the child, I should keep working.

You know, from the perspective of who is the best caregiver for the child, you are definitely the best!

Your husband and mother-in-law think you should let your mother-in-law take care of the child while you go to work. It seems like they're trying to get the most out of it. And you want to quit your job and take care of the child because you think you're the best person for the job.

Maybe it's because of these different starting points that you've had disagreements.

You don't really agree with this solution, but you make a compromise anyway. It seems like you also see some benefit to the solution of "you going to work and your mother-in-law taking care of the child." You don't see any benefit at all, or you think it's harmful to the child. I believe that any mother will do her best to protect her child, right? It's just that your husband and mother-in-law have a unanimous opinion, and you feel a bit isolated and unrecognized.

It's not uncommon for new mothers to experience these feelings. If the family doesn't understand this or misunderstands it, it can lead to a vicious cycle.

The desire not to be seen by family members has led to a vicious cycle due to poor communication.

What the mother wants: She wants to be recognized as a good caregiver. She wants to be affirmed.

The mother may display worry, make tactful suggestions, or even nitpick, always thinking that other caregivers are not doing a good enough job or are doing something wrong.

Other family members get the message that the mom is worried about the child, that she's not at ease, and that she's dissatisfied with them.

Other family members respond to this by:

Think that the mother is stressed and worried about the child, and try to show that we're taking good care of them in a reassuring way.

The mother feels criticized and attacked, and develops a sense of grievance that good intentions are not appreciated. Arguments and attacks are used to prove that we are taking good care of the child, that we are right, that we are not wrong, that the mother is too picky, etc.

The mother just wants to be affirmed, but in this way, whether it's comforting or arguing, the family has created a reverse situation.

We can manage without you, Mom. In this situation, she feels even more disregarded.

The more you communicate, the worse it gets. One party is trying to prove they're right, while the other feels even more lost in the face of this confrontation.

[Unrecognized mothers start to show that they're irreplaceable]

So when the mother took the child to the hospital when he was 3 and a half years old and had a serious illness, I was really upset and felt like my world had collapsed. But then I guided my husband and I to work together to cure the child.

I can read your complex feelings in these words. Please forgive me for using my own guesses to communicate with you. I hope I haven't offended you.

When a child is sick with a serious illness, as a mother, you're bound to feel heartbroken and anxious. But at the same time, are you also experiencing some subtle psychological feelings of "as expected" and "blame"?

But then I helped my husband guide the child to recovery.

When you guided your husband to cure the child's illness, did you have other feelings or ideals besides a sigh of relief and peace of mind? For example, did you think, "I still have to rely on me, fortunately I am here..."?

Do you still want to be affirmed as the most important person in your child's life?

I'm curious about how your family members were processing this. They all loved their child dearly, but were they feeling guilty, worried, or unable to defend themselves? I don't know the specifics of what was going on at the time, and I don't know the details of your conversations, but I think that even though your child was sick and you had done so much, you still didn't hear your husband say:

Fortunately, you are an important figure in your children's lives. You are a great mother.

Why didn't they say anything? Maybe they just didn't know what you really wanted, or there wasn't an opportunity to say anything in that situation?

From your husband and mother-in-law's perspective, your mother-in-law genuinely enjoys spending time with children. Additionally, she assists with childcare, which is beneficial for your small family's financial situation. This is a fairly positive outcome.

They don't know what you're thinking. I guess the mother-in-law feels aggrieved and the husband feels helpless when they look at the current situation.

You don't care about the extra income. You don't even want to ask your mother-in-law for help. You want to take care of the baby yourself. But your mother-in-law and husband don't support you. You feel isolated and helpless, and not understood.

You just want to be understood and affirmed. Even if your husband and mother-in-law come up with a solution, you hope they can say to you, "Thank goodness you're here, you're important to the child!"

"

Your dedication to your child is evident in many ways, not just in the personal care you provide. Apart from taking care of your child when they are sick and spending time with them every day, you also work to earn money and create material conditions for your child. You present your self-worth through your work, so that when your child grows up, they can see a confident and knowledgeable mother, who will become their pride and role model. Which of these things is not important to your child? Your importance needs no proof!

[Try to untie the unsolved knot]

No matter what my child does, I get anxious and worried. I make things difficult for him. When he comes back, I see how tired he is from running around. I feel guilty for him. He has to take a long bus ride back to the office again.

Now that your child is older, you can focus on taking care of them. But this issue still remains. If so, you might as well try:

Believe firmly that you are irreplaceable to your child. This doesn't need to be proven; it's a given. You are a good mother.

If you want to be affirmed, just tell your husband. When he understands that this is important to you, he'll be willing to tell you.

It's important to remember that the more people who love your child, the happier they'll be as they grow up. Every family member loves their child in a different way, but as long as you're confident in yourself and are gentle but firm with your child and family, your child will enjoy the best possible environment and grow up happy in the atmosphere you've created together with your family.

As we support our children, we also grow as individuals. We learn more about ourselves, become more confident, and understand our families better through communication. This helps us create a loving environment for our children and ourselves. If you'd like, we can also chat through the listening hotline. Best wishes, [Name] [Title]

Greetings,

It is postulated that the conflicted mentality is not indicative of hatred towards the husband and a desire to inflict pain. Rather, it is a means of releasing accumulated grievances pertaining to the events described in the initial question.

It is possible that you have been accumulating feelings of anger and resentment since the beginning of this situation, when your husband prevented you from providing full care for the child. These feelings may have been intensified by your mother-in-law's decision to take the child out of a serious illness.

Conversely, you perceive your husband's actions as not constituting an unforgivable transgression, which precludes you from expressing direct anger towards him. Consequently, you resort to passive-aggressive tactics to vent your pent-up frustration.

It seems plausible to suggest that, while you are experiencing conflict, your husband may also be experiencing conflicting emotions. It is evident that he has to travel a considerable distance to work, yet each time you request his return (regardless of the circumstances), it is likely that he has also considered the possibility that the situation may not be as urgent as you perceive, or that you are capable of handling it independently. Consequently, he may have wondered why he is obliged to return. Nevertheless, he does return each time.

It is also possible that he feels some guilt because he previously prevented you from caring for the child, who later fell seriously ill. He may therefore feel that he is also somewhat responsible.

It is evident that your family is capable of understanding and loving each other. However, there has been a lack of communication about certain issues, which has led to emotional distress. Emotions must be expressed directly to prevent them from accumulating and affecting individuals in other ways. Therefore, it is recommended that you maintain the current conflictual mentality of "torturing" your husband. When the children have minor issues, you can simply call him and ask him to return. This allows you to release pent-up frustration.

It would be beneficial to consider the future implications of this situation. Should the topic of devoting oneself to raising the child arise again, it is important to determine whether your husband would continue to prevent you from doing so due to his perception that you are unable to handle even the smallest tasks. In the event that this situation arises again, it would be helpful to identify strategies for addressing it effectively.