Confused about relationships, what is right and wrong, and what is self?

Hello, host!

I am a psychological listener, Ma Na, and I love it!

From your description, it's clear that you've developed different views on the differences between you. You see it as a matter of differing views and approaches, while the other person feels it's wrong.

I'm really curious to know what the specific incident was!

What I want to say is that everyone's views and ways of dealing with things are indeed different, and that's a wonderful thing! There is no right or wrong in different ways of dealing with things; it is just a matter of personal choice.

Absolutely! There should be standards for judging whether something is right or wrong, such as whether it hurts others. If it hurts someone physically, then it's wrong. If you abuse someone with malicious language, it's wrong. If you cross personal boundaries and try to control others, it's inappropriate.

So there are clear boundaries for judging right and wrong, and that is whether what you do affects others and whether it breaks personal boundaries.

Each of us has our own amazing characteristics and style! You are you, and as long as we don't hurt others, we haven't done anything wrong. Of course, the other person may be judging you from their own perspective of right and wrong, but one person's judgment does not represent the objective truth.

If you're really unsure about the right thing to do, you can always run it by the people around you and see what they think! By listening to different opinions from different people, you'll be able to make a more objective judgment.

Hello! I'm a Heart Exploration coach, and I'm here to help. Everything is easy! I see your question, and I'm excited to answer it. You're confused about relationships, and I'm here to help you figure out what's right and wrong and what self really means.

You're having some problems in your relationships. You think that the two people have different views on things and different ways of dealing with things, but you've been asked an excellent question: "Don't make excuses for your mistakes. Doing something wrong is wrong, and you can't avoid it by saying your values don't match."

Sometimes you're not sure if your approach and beliefs are right or wrong. Don't worry, I'm here to help!

First, I think your perception is spot on! It's totally normal for everyone to have different views and behavior patterns towards the same thing.

You were told not to make excuses for your mistakes, and you were right to be confused! Making mistakes is an objective fact that must be acknowledged. You cannot avoid solving problems by saying that your values are not in line with those of others.

Second, cognitive therapy has an amazing belief: what determines each person's emotional and behavioral responses is each person's perception of things.

Different perceptions lead to different modes of behavior, which is great because it means we can all be different and unique! For example, some people think that if they and the other person have different views, they will just leave the matter unresolved and wait for someone else to solve it or for trouble to come knocking at the door before they do anything.

Some people are convinced that although the two people have different views, practical problems still need to be solved. They are therefore eager to take the initiative and negotiate with the other party to see if one party should take a step back and accommodate the other party, or if both parties should take a step back and make changes.

How to judge right and wrong? Everyone has a different standard in their hearts! Some people value the overall situation and the interests of the majority. They consider behaviors that are not conducive to the overall situation to be wrong.

A person who is more individualistic will wholeheartedly believe that the choice that benefits them is right, and the choice that harms their interests is wrong.

Third, it's time to establish your own value judgment standards in interpersonal relationships! Respect your own feelings, observe and learn more about your ideals and target figures, how the people you respect act and deal with things, and whether you agree with the views of the people who give you advice.

Has the person giving you advice fulfilled the requirements they are asking of you? Put yourself in other people's shoes and see the world through their eyes! Fulfill the requirements of others before asking them to fulfill yours. Or, in communication between two people, seek common ground while reserving differences. Take a step back this time, and the other person will take a step back next time, so that you can get along harmoniously!

Fourth, and finally, regarding how to know yourself, the questioner can ask themselves the following three questions:

1⃣️ Now for the fun part! What are the three things you most want to do when you are alone?

2⃣️ Now for the fun part! When two or more people are together, what are the three things you are most afraid of others knowing and most want to hide?

3⃣️If you were fearless, what would be the three things you would most like to do?

Now for the fun part! Find the common ground of the three questions, and then start writing your autobiography, entitled "Who Am I?" Write about your past, present, and future in a quiet environment where you won't be disturbed. You can write about your experiences and thoughts. Persist for 5 to 20 minutes every day to help you better understand yourself.

For books on self-growth, the question asker should definitely check out Wu Zhihong's personal growth series, which includes May You Have a Life Illuminated by Love and You Are the Answer, as well as Li Songwei's Is Everything My Fault? and Empathic Communication. These books are absolute gems and will help you grow better, handle relationships better, and find your true self!

If you want to chat further, just click below to find a coach to interpret the topic, choose Heart Exploration to join the chat with you, and communicate with me one-on-one. I'm here to help!

Hello, questioner! You asked, "Human relationships are very confusing. What is right and wrong, and what is self?"

First of all, I think it's great that you're thinking about interpersonal relationships and yourself. Thinking is a great way to grow. Now let's take a look at your question.

You say there are some problems in your relationship. You think it's because the two of you have different views on things and different ways of dealing with things. But then you're confronted with the question, "Don't make excuses for your mistakes."

Sometimes it's really confusing. Is your own approach and way of thinking right or wrong, or is it just you?

Is there ever really right or wrong in interpersonal relationships?

I don't think there's any absolute right or wrong in interpersonal relationships. It's just that the two sides are looking at things from different perspectives and seeing different things. It's like blind men feeling the elephant, each feeling only a part of it.

When two people have a disagreement in their relationship, your explanation is that they have different views and different ways of dealing with things. This is a very rational and objective explanation, and there is no personal attack. However, the other party obviously cannot accept your explanation, so he feels a bit personally attacked and unreasonable.

He said you were making excuses for your mistakes. Making a mistake is making a mistake. Using different values to avoid the problem, then why doesn't he say what he wants to do specifically? He argued with you strongly there, so why didn't he give a specific plan of what to do?

In relationships, there's no such thing as one right answer. It's all about different perspectives, values, and behaviors.

The famous psychologist Sigmund Freud came up with a hierarchical theory of personality structure.

Freud says there are three levels to the human structure: the id, ego, and superego. The id is the most basic and instinctive part of us. It includes our desires and basic needs.

The id is all about happiness. It's about doing what makes me happy, regardless of external conditions and circumstances. The superego is the part of me that is bound by laws and morals and abides by them.

The superego follows moral principles. It has three main functions: first, it suppresses the impulses of the id; second, it monitors the ego; and third, it pursues the realm of perfection.

The ego follows the principle of reality and gradually differentiates itself from the id, occupying the middle layer of the personality structure. The role of the ego is mainly to mediate the conflict between the id and the superego.

If someone lives very selfishly, it means they know what they want and don't want, and can ignore external distractions and stick to their own thoughts and beliefs. I'm not sure if the interpersonal conflict between you two has anything to do with you being very selfish, and I don't see that you are very selfish in your description of the problem.

Questioner, best wishes! I hope my answer is helpful!

I love the world and I love you!

Great question!

After carefully reading the problem described by the original poster, I can totally relate to your emotional experience of being "very confused" at this time.

We all encounter problems in interpersonal relationships, and we can all overcome them!

I would love to help the questioner by offering some analysis and advice!

[Be sure of your self-aware sense of boundaries]

The questioner can clearly describe the psychological awareness and judgment that "two people have different views and approaches to things," which is worth positive affirmation!

This is the beginning of something great! It's the start of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and positive change.

Because you are accurately perceiving yourself while also actively strengthening your subjective sense of boundaries, you should understand that

Your feelings and the other person's feelings don't fully represent the objective reality of the situation.

[Get to the heart of the matter by putting yourself in the other person's shoes]

Once you have a clear sense of your own boundaries, it's time to learn to consider things from the other person's perspective!

For example, you also described being told, "Don't make excuses for your mistakes. A mistake is a mistake, and you can't avoid it by saying your values don't match."

The key is to put yourself in the other person's shoes and consider whether the core issue is whether something is done wrong. This is the way to go!

This is how you can truly appreciate the other person's thoughts! It's a fantastic way to correct your own views of the other person, and it'll even change your own emotional experience for the better!

[Start growing by accepting different people]

The wonderful process of growing up is also the process of accepting the differences of others!

Everyone is unique! It's not about right or wrong, it's about embracing our differences and celebrating what makes us all special.

Embrace this fact and don't force others to accept your ideas and be the same as you.

And that's how you grow up and learn to deal with all kinds of people!

[Boost your interpersonal skills to the next level!]

The great news is that you can also use your witty, funny, and humorous words and deeds to influence and influence the other person, eliminate the tense atmosphere of the interaction, and make the other person easier to get along with.

And the best part is, if you want an enemy, you'll find one! And if you want a friend, you'll find one too!

It's amazing what you can learn about dealing with people! Even if you encounter annoying people, you can defuse confusing emotions through your words and actions.

I really hope this helps a little!

Hello, my dear friend! I am the place of peace.

The description says, "There have been some problems in interpersonal relationships." I'm really curious to know what kind of problems you're facing.

I'm just trying to figure out who and what.

I'd love to know more about what happened. I'm also curious about your thoughts and feelings at the time.

I'd love to know how you responded!

It seems like you're having some trouble understanding each other. It looks like you have different views on things and different ways of dealing with them. The other person has also mentioned that you shouldn't make excuses for your mistakes. They believe that mistakes are mistakes and that your values shouldn't affect how you handle them.

It's totally understandable to feel a bit confused about your own approach and ideas!

I'm sorry to say that I'm quite confused too after reading your text. It's difficult to understand what exactly is confusing you when the information provided is quite limited.

I'd love to help you figure out what's going on. What are you struggling with? And what are you hoping for?

I'm here for you, and I'll do my best to support you as you work through this. I hope that I can be of some help to you.

First, I'd love to know when the problems in your relationship first started. What do you think these problems mean to you?

And what about you? Does it cause problems at work, school, or in your personal life?

Second, when you notice a problem, how do you respond? Do you tend to avoid it?

Have you found that reflection or direct confrontation works best for you?

Or is there another way you could handle it?

Third, the other person said not to make excuses for our mistakes. So, I was wondering if you think you might be making excuses and avoiding the problem?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!

Fourth, you think that "the two people have different views and approaches to things." It would be really helpful for you to be able to give us more details about this.

I'd love to hear more about your views and ways of dealing with things. And I'm really interested to know what the other person thinks too!

I'd love to hear more about the areas where you and your partner are having difficulties. Do you think there's a chance of resolving these issues through communication and reconciliation?

Fifth, I'd love to know what you think the significance of this conflict is for both sides. Do you think both sides are willing to work together to solve the problem?

If the problem isn't solved, what does that mean for both of you? And if it is solved, what will the result be?

We all have our own unique experiences and perspectives, and that's what makes us experts in our own lives. When it comes to this question, it's important to take your time, be patient with yourself, and really think about it from all angles.

I can see that you're here on the platform seeking help, which shows you've already thought about it. It's just that you're not sure if what you think is right or not. You need an outside voice to affirm, recognize, and support you. Is that right?

Finally, I want to say that there is no clear standard for right and wrong. Psychology has a really interesting theory called the "reasonable emotions ABC" theory, where A stands for the event, B is the individual's perception of the event, and C is the conclusion you draw. This means that who is right or wrong is not in the event itself, but in the individual's perception or belief of the event.

So, in my opinion, right and wrong don't matter. What matters is whether you know what this means to you. If you find the meaning, you may have found the answer.

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello! From what you've told me, it seems like you're feeling a bit confused. When two people have a disagreement, is it because they have different views and stick to their opinions, or is there a right and wrong?

Hi everyone! I'm a psychological counselor, and I'd love to share some insights from my psychological perspective.

Everyone has their own perspective and values. When we encounter different perspectives, understandings, and opinions in an intimate relationship, it may be that the three perspectives we often discuss are not in the same perspective and can be used to express and discuss. But if you are with someone who is controlling, you may find yourself being accused unintentionally and feeling like you're excusing yourself and making excuses for your own ideas. This can make you feel uncomfortable. It's natural to wonder, "Is it really my fault? Shouldn't I argue?"

Oh, don't you think you should argue? Haha, it's totally normal to feel confused, reflect on yourself, doubt yourself, and feel lost.

This is also an imbalance in the relationship. It's as if there's an unconscious collusion between the abusive and masochistic personality types in the partner relationship, as well as the controlling and accommodating personality types.

It can be tricky at first, but you'll get the hang of it! The most important thing is to express your thoughts and listen to the other person. If you don't see eye to eye, it's totally okay to have a chat about it. You can always express yourself and negotiate with each other. There's no right or wrong in a relationship. You don't need to suppress your emotions for the sake of one party. It's all about communication and interaction! You need to understand that each individual has their own personality traits and will have different understandings of things. But remember, the most important thing in communication is to respect the other person and reach a consensus through discussion. This also takes time and requires mutual understanding and tolerance.

Second, it's really important to be aware of yourself, understand your own character traits, and also feel the inner feelings of getting along with others. If you blindly cater to others, you might feel a bit uncomfortable, constantly being asked for things and feeling a bit suppressed. This feeling might not be what you want, so it's also really helpful to learn to say no and take care of your own emotions.

Third, in relationships, there is also an internalized presentation of object relations, which is closely linked to your relationship with your parents when you were a child. If you have a secure attachment, you will feel safe and equal, but if you have an insecure attachment, you will also have conflicts. The ambivalent type can express their dissatisfaction, while the avoidant type finds it difficult to express themselves and will only think that they have done something wrong or said the wrong thing in the relationship, which will lead to feelings of self-blame and guilt.

Finally, sharing your inner confusion on the platform today is also part of your inner growth and an expression of seeking help. You'll be amazed at how many people can help you when you express yourself! You'll learn and grow, become better, handle social relationships better, make intimate relationships more harmonious, and let the world and I love you. You have to learn to take care of yourself, and I'm here to help!

Hello. It seems like the other person is very stubborn. When you have a difference of opinion, they try to make you admit that you are wrong.

Have you ever considered that you are both adults and that everyone's personality is equal? Who gives that person the authority to say you are wrong?

The other person's words are an attempt to make you obey them, agree with their views, and admit you are "in the wrong" when there's a conflict.

You say you're "escaping" by saying your views are different, but aren't you also avoiding the possibility that your partner has a problem by accusing you of "doing wrong"?

I don't know the specifics of your relationship, but you should have a more honest exchange. If it doesn't work out, you should think about ending the relationship.

If you stay in a relationship where you're constantly accused of doing something wrong, it will damage you.

Best wishes.

Good day. From your description, it is evident that you have considered various perspectives and are uncertain about the most appropriate point of view. Before discussing this matter further, if you are amenable, I would like to extend a gesture of support and encouragement.

As the adage goes, "No two leaves are alike." It may be that individuals have disparate perspectives and approaches to situations. The notion of "same" may merely signify conformity to a general framework, such as "respect for the law and non-transgression" and "acceptance of and compliance with social order and good customs." Each individual possesses unique characteristics. As long as one does not endanger others and can accept oneself, there is no issue with "being oneself." There is no need to be entirely consistent with others. As the adage goes, "A gentleman is harmonious but not the same."

Regarding your comments about not making excuses for mistakes and the importance of aligning actions with values, it seems that you are suggesting a level of uniformity in behavior. It's understandable that you may feel strongly about this, but it's also crucial to recognize that everyone has different values and perspectives. The individual who expressed this view might benefit from reflecting on whether their actions are truly consistent with their own beliefs. If they can first accept this aspect of themselves, it could help them avoid imposing this expectation on others.

Right and wrong are relative terms, not absolute. As previously stated, the remaining issues should be analyzed in context and on a case-by-case basis, unless they involve legal or major social morality issues.

From this perspective, I am in general agreement with your views.

The above represents my personal opinion for reference only. Best regards,

Hello, question asker.

I see your indecision, confusion, and self-doubt. Criticism from others is a lot of pressure for someone who is not self-assured.

[The principle of interpersonal relationships – separation of issues]

There are three things in this world: God's business, other people's business, and your own business. The separation of issues is simple: God will take care of God's business, I will take care of my own, and other people can take care of their own. (The issue belongs to whoever needs to bear the consequences of doing it.) I don't know what you mean by "there is a problem in your interpersonal relationships," or what specifically the other person is accusing you of doing wrong, but the way you look at the problem shows your maturity. There is really nothing to be surprised about many inconsistencies, which are purely caused by different views on things and different ways of dealing with things, rather than right or wrong.

If the other person insists on finding someone to blame and discussing who is right and who is wrong, you can choose to laugh it off or remain noncommittal. There is no need to cause yourself trouble, doubt yourself, or attack yourself.

Trusting yourself is self-confidence.

The questioner is highly reflective, which indicates they are humble and somewhat lacking in self-confidence. As long as they have a clear philosophy of life and know what is right, they will be fine.

Hello, I'm Gu Daoxi, aka Fengshou Skinny Donkey!

I can tell you from experience that human relationships can indeed be quite troubling. I have experienced such a period of confusion myself!

You need to categorize your relationships and identify which one is troubling you.

Interpersonal relationships between family members are...

Family relationships are about love, and require mutual understanding and in-depth communication. If you are sincere in your concern, you can melt the ice between you. However, you must determine where your principles and bottom lines lie. What is above your principles and bottom lines can be tolerated and compromised, while what is below them needs to be insisted upon. Set boundaries in your relationships to gain more personal space and a sense of boundaries between loved ones!

Friendship

Friendship requires like-mindedness and a connection between hearts and minds. If the other person always rejects you or makes you feel confused about your relationships, you need to analyze your friend. Ask yourself: is she/he trying to help you or just to hurt you? Some friends are critical friends, who may say things you can't accept but can motivate you to improve. Others are mentors who will guide you step by step and encourage you to grow.

If neither is the case, you need to re-evaluate your relationship with each other. You need to be objective about this!

Interpersonal relationships between colleagues are crucial for professional growth and success.

Colleagues should take responsibility for their actions, not their feelings. Focus on the task at hand and don't let emotions cloud your judgment. Identify areas for improvement and make changes. This will help you maintain professionalism and avoid being swayed by others' emotions.

I am confident that you will find this useful.

Good morning,

A gentle pat on the shoulder indicates that there is no need to rush. A healthy relationship is one in which both parties can comfortably enjoy the feelings associated with the relationship, that is, be able to accept the other person as well as accept their own true self.

How can one discern whether a relationship with "discrepant worldviews" is merely self-centered or if it is being misrepresented?

The success of the relationship depends on the ability of both parties to be authentic, to respect their own feelings and thoughts, and to respect the feelings and thoughts of the other party. This allows for a balance of independence and mutual respect, which creates an equal, safe, and comfortable relationship.

For example, if Li is reserved and introverted, while Qiang is assertive and outgoing, Li may unconsciously suppress her feelings to please the other person. This could be a manifestation of Li's difficulty in accepting herself, which may prevent her from being fully authentic. On the other hand, Qiang may be competitive and assertive, which could indicate a need to respect his own weaknesses and the feelings of others. These dynamics may make it challenging for them to form a healthy relationship.

With this understanding, the questioner will recognize that "holding on to one's own ideas" does not imply self-centeredness, and "blindly agreeing with the other person's ideas" does not indicate a lack of independence. Only when an individual can respect their own inner thoughts while allowing others to have different opinions can they truly maintain their sense of self-respect and avoid causing offense to others.

In our daily lives, the questioner can exercise their ability to discern their own feelings while also being aware of the emotions of others. Learning to care for their own emotions and thoughts while also taking care of the feelings of others can prevent many unnecessary conflicts in interpersonal relationships, and make the other person feel a sense of trust and intimacy (as long as it does not violate morality and hurt the feelings of others). Different opinions can help us improve our thinking skills, and timely awareness of our emotions can prevent the suppression of our emotions during communication. Using a more open mindset to exchange information will also make you feel more open-minded.

Best wishes for success and continued effort!

I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

You have expressed that you are experiencing challenges in your relationships. It seems that there are differing views and approaches between the two individuals, which can lead to confusion. You have also been advised not to make excuses for mistakes and to accept responsibility for your actions. This can be difficult when there are differences in values and perspectives. It's natural to feel uncertain in such situations. Is this approach, this way of thinking, right or wrong? Or is it just you?

I believe that each of us will have a different perspective and approach to the same thing because we have different upbringings, genetic makeup, educational backgrounds, and living environments. It is therefore very normal to have different opinions. In fact, there is no black and white in many things; there are just different perspectives and needs. This can sometimes lead to conflicts and contradictions.

When there are conflicts and contradictions in a relationship, it's important to communicate. The purpose of communication is not to prove who is right and who is wrong. Instead, it's a way to understand each other better through conflicts and contradictions. It can also help to promote the development of the relationship and to grow in the relationship. When we are in a relationship, it's helpful to take responsibility for our role in it. When we are alone, we can be ourselves, which can help us to be more harmonious.

If I might offer you a suggestion, it would be this:

Life can be challenging for everyone, and we all have different needs and circumstances. It's important to recognize that we don't always have to assume what others are thinking or feeling. We can respect each other's differences and avoid forcing our views on others.

There is a story about a pig, a sheep, and a cow that were all kept in the same pen. One day, the shepherd caught the pig, and it howled loudly and resisted fiercely.

The sheep and the cow expressed their dislike of his howling, noting that while they were often caught, they never cried out like he did. The little pig replied, "I believe that catching you and catching me are two very different things."

If I may make a suggestion, I believe that catching you is simply to get your fur and milk, whereas catching me is to take my life.

It is often the case that we do not fully comprehend the feelings of others due to differing perspectives and circumstances. For instance, an elderly woman may simply express concern for her daughter-in-law's health, yet from the daughter-in-law's perspective, she may perceive her mother-in-law as overly controlling, even to the extent of monitoring her exercise regimen. Similarly, a boss may encourage employees to work overtime and exert more effort to enhance company performance, whereas an employee may hope for financial compensation for the same level of work. In another example, a husband may desire his wife to be more understanding and appreciative of him, while the wife may wish for her husband to demonstrate greater care and value her contributions.

From everyone's perspective, there is nothing inherently wrong with it. However, it's important to recognize that everyone's needs are different. Different experiences have shaped different individuals. Some may have faced challenges or even abuse during their childhood, which could have led to feelings of frustration or anxiety. It's not always easy to be resilient in the face of these challenges. On the other hand, some may have had supportive and nurturing childhoods, which could have instilled a sense of inner security and positivity in them. It's not accurate to say that they are blindly optimistic.

Everyone has their own unique perspective and opinions, shaped by their individual upbringing. From their point of view, they are convinced, and it can be challenging for us to change their opinions.

Perhaps what we should focus on is communicating effectively, rather than arguing about right and wrong.

2. A truly good relationship is not one where everyone thinks the same way, but one where different opinions can coexist harmoniously.

Existential therapy master Irwin Yaron and his wife Marilyn have different preferences and ways of doing things, but they have been together for more than 60 years and have learned to understand and support each other. They each get one month of annual leave each year. Marilyn likes to go to France, and Yaron likes to go to the islands, so they spend half the month in France and half the month on vacation.

They are always able to tolerate and understand each other, and when problems arise, they discuss ways to resolve them that are mutually beneficial.

When we can understand each other's behavior from each other's perspective and treat each other as an independent individual rather than an object that serves us, we can accept each other instead of being dissatisfied.

My husband enjoys playing mahjong with friends in the evenings. In the past, I found this difficult to understand, and I asked him on several occasions to come home early, but he was reluctant to change his habits. He explained that playing mahjong helps him relax after a day's work and that it gives him a sense of joy.

When I consider things from his perspective, I can appreciate the challenges he faces. It's also important to recognize that we can't force someone to change if they're not ready to do so. Instead, we can adjust our expectations and approach things in a more flexible manner.

I came to realize that it wasn't helpful to try to force him to do things my way. Instead, I tried to respect his needs. When he was away, I made time for the things I liked, and when he was here, we shared happy times together. This made my husband more relaxed when he went to play mahjong. He also took my needs into consideration and wouldn't come home too late. If I really had something urgent, he would cancel the mahjong appointment to help me solve the problem.

3. It is possible to enhance mutual understanding and promote the harmonious development of our relationship through effective communication.

You might find it helpful to watch "Nonviolent Communication" and "Crucial Conversations." They offer some valuable insights. When conflicts and disagreements arise in our relationships, it's natural. At this time, it's important to focus on expressing your feelings and needs, as well as specific requests to the other person, rather than judging right or wrong.

Expressions of mutual and sincere connection will deepen your bond with each other.

For instance, my husband used to bring guests home for dinner without prior notice. I must admit that I am not particularly fond of cooking, and I often feel overwhelmed and tired when I am in that situation. I therefore suggested to him that we could perhaps find a more suitable time when we were both in a more relaxed mood. I told him that I felt overwhelmed, a little uncomfortable, a little angry, and tired every time he brought guests home for dinner without telling me in advance. I also told him that I had to spend a lot of time washing the dishes, which left me with no time to do what I wanted to do.

"In the future, if you need to bring guests back for dinner, you can let me know first, and I can consider my current situation with you. We can decide together whether you can bring guests back, okay?" My husband said that he thought I liked him to bring guests back for dinner and didn't realize that I would dislike it so much.

After that, whenever he wanted to bring guests back home, he would seek my consent first, and we were able to resolve any remaining issues amicably.

4. When alone, we are simply ourselves. When with others, we are our role.

If we find ourselves thinking about others when we are alone, we may find ourselves falling into the role system. Similarly, when we are with others and ignore them, we may fall into ourselves. It is therefore important to remember that when we are alone, the self is greater than the role. When we are together, the role is greater than the self, so that we can maintain normal role interactions and feel at ease in interpersonal relationships.

In other words, when you get along with your boss, you are in the role of an employee, so it is important to do what an employee needs to do. Similarly, when you are teaching at school, you are in the role of a teacher, but in front of your husband, you are a wife. It is not always easy to use the role of a teacher to get along with our husband, as there may be role conflict. When you are getting along with your children, you are in the role of a father or mother, not a boss or doctor.

When you can clarify your role in a relationship, know what role system you are in at the moment, and who you are in that role system at that moment, you will know what you need to do and what you cannot do at that moment. Of course, you can also satisfy yourself through your role. You can choose your role. For example, if I like psychological work and like to learn and grow, I choose to work as a psychological counselor and satisfy my needs through the role of a psychological counselor.

If you would like to gain a deeper and more thorough understanding of this, you may find it helpful to read the article "Understanding 'Who I Am': Interpersonal Relationships Like a Fish in Water," which was written by our platform teacher, Wang Xiaonv.

Please feel free to use this as a reference. Wishing you the best!