Currently in senior high three, frequently taking leave, how to deal with the lack of understanding from parents?

Dear question asker,

From reading your detailed account of the challenges you've faced as a high school senior, I can appreciate the various difficulties you've encountered since starting high school. As you mentioned:

Every time I walked into school, I felt a bit overwhelmed, so nervous that I was shaking. The three years of high school were a challenging experience.

You have faced significant challenges over the past three years, and I admire your resilience in making it to this day. I'm proud of you, and I'm here to support you in achieving your goals.

Indeed, for a senior high school student, attending classes at school is often seen as a significant priority by those around them. With the remaining 100 days or so in the academic year, it is particularly important to persevere and remain dedicated. While many people believe that following the conventional path is the right choice, your mother may not fully understand your concerns about taking time off from school. You have expressed a desire to study at home, which is a perfectly normal and understandable choice.

From this perspective, we should also consider that our mothers may not be aware of the full extent of the situation. They may not have experienced the same challenges that we do, and therefore may not fully understand our perspective. It's natural for parents to offer guidance and advice, especially when it comes to matters related to education. However, it's essential to remember that they may not have all the information or experience to make the best decisions. It's important to remember that we should not blame people we don't know. It's always better to communicate with understanding and respect, even when we disagree.

If you can understand it like this, you may find it easier to adopt a neutral attitude towards your mother's complaints. Then, with a calm mind, you can communicate more with your mother. You say you are very good at written communication, which is a great skill to have. Perhaps you could work on your writing skills and see if that can make your mother feel a little better?

And achieve our own goals, so that we can do what we want.

You mentioned that you prefer to express yourself in writing. From your lengthy narrative, I can discern that you have a commendable command of the written word. In light of this, I believe you have the flexibility to pursue your desired course of action after the exam, plan to study at home, and if your mother discovers this, you can simply and calmly explain your decision to her. This approach might also allow you to showcase your abilities in a more favourable light. Given that you don't usually reside together, studying at home might prove more beneficial than at school. This could also help you to avoid any potential misunderstandings.

There is also a saying that goes, "If your heart is not in it, nothing will work out." As long as you have hope for yourself and believe in yourself, and you can achieve your goal with your current abilities, then you can definitely do it.

Have faith in yourself and strive diligently. You are capable of achieving this goal. After a few months, the school of your dreams has extended an offer of admission.

I'm sure the world and I love you!

Good day, my name is Xintan Coach Fei Yun. Life is a journey, not for appreciation, but for growth and development.

Dear Child, I empathize with your situation and admire your resilience. You are facing the significant challenge of the college entrance exam, and you are taking steps to support yourself so that you don't fall behind. You have persevered through the demanding environment at school and the days that feel like years. You have developed a strategy to excel in your studies and have created a comprehensive plan. However, you are frustrated that your mother doesn't fully understand, and you are concerned that your plan might not succeed.

1. The generational gap between you and your mother has prevented you from receiving the emotional support you require.

You have a good understanding of your mother's situation. Following the divorce, she remarried, creating a new family dynamic. As a stepfamily, there are a number of new relationships to navigate. Your mother is also dealing with a range of challenges related to her new family, personal life, and her husband. These issues can lead to conflicts.

In such a dynamic environment, you can be regarded as a "child of the poor who becomes independent at an early age," learning to navigate life independently, demonstrate resilience and strength, and cultivate greater autonomy and self-reliance. This is why you are resolute in your decision to pursue a self-directed learning approach after submitting the requisite documentation.

On the other hand, although you have chosen to reside with your mother, you do not currently live with her, which naturally limits your access to the emotional support you require. For example, you desire to communicate with your mother, receive more of her care and attention, and crave her understanding and approval.

As a result, there is a communication barrier. She is unable to comprehend your distress at school. Many parents believe that education is a mere formality and that children are not under any significant pressure.

It is challenging for parents to put themselves in other people's shoes and empathize with their experiences. They often perceive situations from the perspective of their role as parents, which can contribute to feelings of isolation and frustration.

2. How to resolve the current challenges you are facing

You mentioned taking medication. You may wish to consider enlisting the help of the school psychologist, for example, to obtain a sick leave note, so that your mother can be reassured that you require time to adjust physically and mentally. You would likely benefit from her understanding and support, as well as additional time and space to yourself.

You may also wish to communicate further with the homeroom teacher. This could involve sharing your concerns and ideas for self-study with him, with a view to gaining his understanding and support and allowing you to continue with your plan.

It is also recommended that, when time and conditions permit, you engage in continuous self-healing activities. For example, when you are feeling unsettled or troubled, you can listen to meditation music to cultivate your ability to meditate in silence. Keeping an emotional diary and having a dialogue with yourself is also an effective method of healing.

It is also advisable to seek the support of a trusted teacher or mentor to discuss your concerns and receive guidance on managing your emotions.

I recently viewed an American drama series titled "The Son Stuck in His Thoughts." It details the experiences of a 17-year-old adolescent son and his father during puberty. The series illustrates how the parents' divorce placed significant mental strain on the child, ultimately leading to depression.

The film also serves as a cautionary tale for parents, emphasizing that mere love and care are insufficient. Instead, parents must strive to understand, respect, and believe in their children. They should also provide their children with adequate mental nourishment and support for their spiritual well-being.

You may wish to recommend this to your mother, so that she is aware of your intentions.

I hope the above is helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name]

Should you wish to continue the dialogue, you are invited to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service".

Parents often think their children's problems are just excuses. They believe they've given their children everything they need and that all they have to do is study. But these problems are often just excuses.

1. Psychological problems are not an excuse to avoid them. Most people have them.

When we are worried about food and clothing, we don't have time to pursue spirituality. The most important thing is to survive. When we don't have to worry about material things, we may have spiritual and psychological problems. Everyone deals with emotions differently.

Mental illness is not scary. You are not a monster. You can integrate into the group. You just need to get to know yourself again. Give yourself time and confidence. Believe in yourself.

I understand, but I also have my own problems. I'm trying to give you better material conditions, so sometimes it's better to write or talk online. We need emotional catharsis.

2. Have your own rhythm, but be flexible.

Plans change, so we need to learn to adjust. What we think will happen and what actually happens can be very different. We can make some plans in advance. If something unexpected happens, we can do the important and urgent things first. We can then decide not to do the other unimportant things.

The original poster has their own goals and ideas, and that's the beginning of everything getting better. You also need to learn to adjust. For example, if you're tired today, give yourself a break. If you're in a good mood today, you can learn a little more. In fact, you've always been very good. Think back, although you've had a really bad life in the past few years, you have also made a lot of changes and improvements. The darkest times are indeed the most difficult to endure. If you grit your teeth a little harder, we have our own little sun, our own goals, and people who love us.

I'm Mo Xiaofan, a heart exploration coach. You can use the heart exploration service on your personal page to talk about anything.

I am the coach of Xintan, Gu Daoxi Feng Shou Lu.

I understand the original poster's feelings, so I'm going to give them a hug.

The fact that the questioner wants to study at home by himself will undoubtedly challenge our fundamental understanding of learning. Questions such as "What should I do if I don't understand?" or "Will the learning effect decline without a learning atmosphere?" or "Can I get good results by studying at home?" are examples of this. When the mother has concerns in this regard, it may be difficult to understand the meaning of the question.

Let's be real. Psychology isn't as popular as we think. It's actually pretty normal for the questioner's mother to not understand the questioner's problem well enough. We can only deal with things within our own knowledge, and things outside our knowledge may easily be doubted. This isn't the questioner's fault.

If you can't grasp the result, start grasping the process. The question asker's mother wants the question asker to study at school, but she really wants the question asker to receive adequate support in learning resources at school. She is worried that staying at home will affect the results. The question asker should communicate with her mother about staying at home for a week or two, and then taking a test using a school practice exam to see the results. When she sees the question asker's academic performance, she will feel more confident.

The questioner should also address their concerns about school life. After all, the goal is to pass the college entrance exam. Apart from academic and interpersonal issues, will the questioner also be uncomfortable with the atmosphere in the examination room? Considering potential risks is essential for making an objective decision.

There is a clear cognitive difference between parents and children. We cannot understand our mothers' decisions, and our mothers cannot understand our troubles. This is the root of the generation gap. The questioner does not need to obtain her mother's support, just her consent.

The questioner should ask themselves whether it is necessary to take the entire holiday until the end of the college entrance exam. They should consider whether it is possible to take some time off to rest and then go back to school to fill in the gaps. This will help the questioner consolidate their knowledge and increase their adaptability to the environment.

People who have suffered may find it difficult to empathize with other people's current unhappiness. I had a leader who one day urged my colleague with a broken bone to go to work, saying that it was okay to have the operation in a couple of days, and thinking about how I was like this and that back in the day. We all didn't know what to say after hearing that.

It's crucial to differentiate between your concerns and those of your mother. The key is to focus on taking charge of your own life, not on proving anything to your mother. When you're confident that this approach is beneficial for you, you can become more determined. Alternatively, you can take leave in stages, allowing your mother to track your progress and become less sensitive to your absence.

The questioner should consider whether it is possible for him to live on his own. After the mother remarries, she will indeed have a lot on her plate and may find it difficult to give the questioner full attention. The questioner may also find it easy to get distracted from his studies.

The best way to get along with your mother is to be harmonious but different, respect each other's differences, and understand that you want the best for each other. This will make you more tolerant of each other.

Read these books: The Power of Empathy, The Courage to Be Disliked, and 5% Change.

Best wishes!

I get it. You're facing a tough situation in your senior year, and you're trying to find your way through it. Here are some suggestions to help you:

1. **Understanding and communication**: Stay calm and patient when talking to your mother. Try to see things from her point of view and explain your feelings and plans to her.

Explain that you're not trying to avoid your responsibilities, but rather taking some time to adjust and learn in a more suitable environment.

2. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it might be helpful to reach out to a counselor. They can provide guidance and support to help you better manage stress and emotional challenges.

3. **Make a detailed plan**: Now that you have a plan for homeschooling, make sure it is specific, feasible, and strict. This way, when you show your mother your plan and determination, she may be more understanding and supportive.

4. **Maintain self-discipline**: Studying at home requires a lot of self-discipline. Make sure you have all the learning resources you need, such as textbooks, exercises, and online resources, and study hard according to your plan.

5. Stay in touch with your mother. Let her know how your studies and emotional state are going. This will help her understand your progress and reduce her worries.

6. Think about the future. What do you want your future life to look like, and what steps do you need to take to get there? This can help you stay motivated and show your mother your determination.

7. Dealing with Emotions: When you're feeling stressed or anxious, try to find healthy ways to deal with your emotions, such as exercising, keeping a diary, or talking to a trusted friend.

8. Stay hopeful. No matter how tough your situation is, there's always a way to make it better. Stay optimistic and believe that you can get through this.

At the end of the day, your health and well-being are the most important things. If self-study and stress are causing your emotional and physical health to deteriorate, then consider other options, such as taking a break from school or finding other educational resources.

You're not alone, and there are always people who can help. I hope these suggestions are useful for you.