Deeply resenting my father, he cursed me early in the morning, and it's really hard, I'm about to collapse, what should I do?

Hello! I'm learning in silence, but I'm doing just fine.

I can see you're feeling pretty angry, frustrated, and helpless right now. It's tough when you don't like the atmosphere at home, but you have to stick it out. It's not easy facing your father when you don't like him, but you know you have to. And on top of all that, you have a lot on your plate with your studies and other things to do, but it's hard to get anything done when you're in this mood.

Have you ever tried learning or doing things with all your heart? It's a great way to feel good, but it can also be exhausting! When you're in a good mood, you might find it hard to focus on anything else because you're so busy regulating your emotions. This can leave you feeling tired and worn out. Or, you might find that you've almost regulated your emotions, but then you get hit with another emotional wave, leaving you with no time or energy to study. It's a tricky balance, isn't it?

It's so tough to be in a family atmosphere like that, isn't it? It's an urgent problem that we need to solve, otherwise we'll have to put up with it for many years to come.

First, try to understand that your father is old and may not necessarily listen to you. If he did, you wouldn't have such a fierce conflict with him. So, can you try not to try to convince him? He may not understand you anyway, and trying to make him understand you may only make you more angry and desperate. Then try not to convince him with words. You may only get angrier. Since there is no point in talking, it is best not to talk anymore. It may be best to let someone who doesn't understand you try to convince him with words.

Second, it's time to adjust your mentality. Since there's no room for improvement in terms of language, you just need to focus on your own work and studies. If your father sees that you're doing well in school, at work, and in life, even though you sleep in, he'll slowly start to realize that you're capable of doing great things on your own. When he accuses you again, we'll just ignore him or not reply to him. He'll eventually stop talking, and you can quietly do your own things. It's important to remember that our suffering is trying to convince someone who isn't open to being convinced, and that can lead to hatred and more suffering. Since you can't convince him, just quietly do your own things and ignore everything else. Once you've settled everything and done a good job, he'll be relieved and will no longer interfere with you. Here are two tips to help you navigate this situation: 1. Even if you say it, you won't respond. 2. You manage yourself well on your own, so there's no need for them to interfere. You've got this!

It's so important to have good family relationships. You're only 21 now, and you'll still be with your parents for at least a few more decades. These relationships can really affect your mood and even your future. So, it's a good idea to try to improve the relationship and reconcile with your parents. It might be difficult to reconcile, but you can do it! Your father's lack of understanding is your greatest pain. You might feel like you can't let him understand you anymore, but you can! He may really not be able to understand, and that's okay. Don't be hard on yourself. Don't explain, don't persuade, just quietly do your own thing. Fathers and daughters can have different relationships, and that's okay! It's true that fathers must love their daughters, but they may not necessarily understand their daughters. You're going to learn to understand this, and it's going to be okay. Some people really can't be reasoned with. No matter what you say, no matter how long it takes, it will be ineffective. It will only increase your own pain and disappointment. You have to let him think for himself and figure it out for himself. Slowly, he will take the initiative to understand you. It might not work, and the only way is for him to wake up on his own. OK, you must resolve your family relationships, otherwise the influence of your original family will be reflected in your relationships with others, and it will always be like this. Not only is it painful, but it will also affect your future.

When you're in a good mood, try to thank your father. I know it's tough now, but I truly believe you love him too. The more you try to make him understand you, the more he will misunderstand you. So don't explain, don't reply, just do your own thing quietly, and maybe he will calm down too. I wish you and your family happiness.

Hello, little girl, let me give you a big hug!

I can relate to your situation so well! I empathize with you wholeheartedly. Having read your description, I really feel for you if you have had the same experience.

From your description, I think the most important thing for you to focus on is your father's behavior.

Dad often has an accusatory tone in his relationships with me. It's so interesting to me why he comes and accuses me when I haven't done anything to affect him. And it's so intriguing why he thinks nothing I do is right.

Why is it unfilial of me to express my emotions and tell him what I think? I'm obviously your daughter, so I'm going to tell him what I think!

When you tried to communicate as a child, you received negative feedback, but you learned and grew from it! And because of the pandemic, you have the opportunity to take online classes at home, and you get to live with his kind of accusations, which you can use as fuel to become even more resilient.

These feelings of distress and collapse are all internal feelings, and they are also signals from our hearts. We've realized that we no longer understand or can tolerate this kind of behavior from our father, and we're ready to take action!

You're standing up for yourself, but you still want your dad to understand you.

Let's dive into my thoughts!

As a father, he must have been concerned when he accused you of staying up late, but the way he expressed himself was unbearable. He kept nagging you, and apart from waking you up, he probably wanted you to get up for breakfast too. We need to understand his position, which was motivated by concern for our health. But this feeling is suffocating. I think you could try this:

First, go along with his ideas. The epidemic will end, and one day you will go back to school or some other place away from his control.

You can't leave home and confront him directly, but you can obey him for now! Obey him so that he can't find fault with you.

You've got this! You just need to endure until you graduate, move out, and stay away from him. You are already 21 years old and definitely have the ability to take care of yourself. You're going to be just fine!

Second, study hard and improve yourself! Parents always accuse us to prove that they are right, and sometimes they simply cannot understand.

It hurts when your father doesn't understand. But you know what? She means well, and you love him. So when he does something like that, you know what you can do? You can turn it into a positive! You can turn it into a learning experience!

We have to tell them, "You can't treat me like this." And when they become adults, they can break away from their families and face his accusations head-on!

Absolutely do what he says when he scolds you! If he says you are a white-eyed wolf, then really be a "white-eyed wolf" in his eyes!

Okay, you just have to really ignore him like this for a while. White-eyed wolf – not filial to parents, not caring for parents.

If you don't reply to messages and don't visit when you're sick, he'll learn his mistake! Let him know that it's not right to scold his child like that!

If words aren't enough, we can always take action!

That's my opinion! Right now, we've got to focus on taking temporary measures to get through this. If you want to completely change your father's character of accusing at every turn, you can do it! Take action and make him suffer!

And remember, loving yourself is the absolute best thing you can do! Love yourself!

At 21, there are so many amazing opportunities in life! Talk to your friends more, get in touch with them, and strengthen yourself so that when you enter society, you can handle things on your own. You don't need his help! After we have completely separated from our family, no matter how much he scolds us for being ungrateful and disobedient, we can still go eat what we want and play what we want!

You say I'm not filial? Well, I'll show you what a truly unfilial daughter looks like!

Let him fume all by himself!

Persistence is the key to victory!

Hello, landlord. I hope my answer helps.

Your description made me think of my grandmother. She would scold and shout at me for things that didn't meet her standards. If I woke up late, she would keep shouting outside the door. I would feel annoyed but be unable to resist, so I would just suppress it. I was indignant.

Studying psychology and growing up helped me understand her actions and release my pent-up emotions. I also know how to deal with conflicts and take care of my emotions.

This is important for you too.

We need to understand Dad's behavior so we don't resent him.

There's always a reason why someone acts the way they do. What we see is only the surface. If we don't understand why, we can't solve the problem.

Why does Dad scold you so loudly?

I can think of two things. First, he cares about your health and wants you to be someone who can take care of your own body. Second, this is the only way he knows how to express his concern and love. He doesn't know that there are better ways, so this is the only way he knows how to express himself. And if he doesn't realize that this needs to change, then it will be difficult for you to change him either.

When we understand why Dad acts the way he does, we can accept it. Dad is who he is because of his upbringing, education, and environment. He has always been this way.

He has his limitations and doesn't know how to communicate with you. If he doesn't want to change, we can't change him. He is just the way he is, and he will always behave this way towards you. If you don't accept and understand him, you will be annoyed and resentful.

The book "The One Thought Turn" says there are three things in the world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. We worry about other people's affairs and the affairs of heaven. Dad's actions and thoughts are other people's affairs. You can't control his actions and thoughts. He has his emotions and expectations, but they are his. Don't dwell on it. Accept it, and you will feel better.

I also found that when I accept that my grandmother will wake me up when I sleep in, I won't be so resistant and resentful. I accept that, but I can still go back to sleep.

Try to communicate with your father. If you don't, he may not know what you need or feel.

You say he means well, but you don't like the way he does things. You can tell him how you'd like things done so he knows how to adjust.

Your father loves you, but you don't feel it. This needs to be resolved through effective, sincere communication. A superficial "argument" won't solve the problem.

If your father yells at you when he wakes you up in the morning, you can say: "Dad, I felt uncomfortable, upset, and annoyed when you woke me up. I know you're looking out for me, but I need my space now. I need you to respect me and let me make my own decisions. I can take responsibility for myself. In the future, can you stop worrying about whether I go to sleep? I will take care of my body. How do you feel and what are your needs?"

I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Then, listen to what he has to say and see his concerns and needs. If he says staying up late is bad for your health, you can say, "I know, but I still want to stay up late to do things. I sleep a little longer during the day. If I don't make up for it during the day, it's worse for my health. I hope you understand and trust me. I'm old enough to take care of my own health..."

When you communicate sincerely and calmly, you will understand each other better and resolve conflicts. However, you must remain neutral and objective. Therefore, it is recommended to first release some of the anger towards your father, which will help you communicate with him in a more stable state.

Get rid of your resentment towards your father to become stable.

You dreamed of killing him in high school because you've been suppressing your emotions towards him. Dreams are the subconscious's way of expressing itself. If we can't express ourselves in the real world, we'll do so through dreams. But just because you dreamed of killing him doesn't mean you want him dead. It just means you've suppressed too many emotions.

We need to get rid of these negative emotions, not just repress them. If you keep repressing them, they will only get worse. It is recommended that you channel and clear these emotions in a reasonable way.

There are two ways to do it:

Writing is therapy.

Writing can relieve anxiety and depression. It can improve our physical and mental health and cognitive function.

This free writing is different from the writing most of us do. With free writing, you just write down whatever comes to mind, even if it's uncomfortable. You don't try to control it; you just write it.

Write about how your dad has treated you, what you want, and don't worry about making mistakes. Just write as much as you like.

When we write, we face ourselves honestly, trust our feelings, and don't blame ourselves for things we did against our will. Free writing is about being honest with ourselves. When we write, we imagine rewriting reality to heal.

This is also a way to express yourself and let go of negative emotions. Just keep writing, and you'll feel better.

Another way to release emotions is to use the technique of an empty chair.

This requires a safe space and a chair.

Then, imagine your father sitting in the chair and express whatever you want.

Do this many times and your heart will relax.

For reference. Best wishes.

In a free relationship, we can block people if we don't like them or choose not to do anything if we don't want to. We don't want to be alone for a long time or have a closer relationship. People are often lonely because they have their own experiences and feelings that others can't fully understand. This is especially true of many relationships, which are not as simple as just breaking up. What should you do?

This is when you feel most alone and helpless, but also when you are closest to yourself. The more you understand yourself, the more you will love yourself. You will become stronger and more mature. When you can't easily rely on others, you will have an opportunity to rely on yourself. This allows you to discover what you really want.

It's hard to be woken up at night and feel blocked up after being scolded. These things have already happened. If they only happen once, they're over. But they could happen again, so it's necessary to solve the problem for the sake of the future. Taking the initiative and raising the issue shows you're responsible for yourself.

This solves the problem of "what to do."

Any relationship has parts we can control and parts we cannot. What specific problem do you need to solve? Just do the part you can control. There is no perfect solution. Perfection is just an illusion. We can only continue to grow and become perfect.

I agree that emotions are important, but I don't agree that "it's all for your own good." No one is for anyone else's good. Being good for others is also being good for yourself.

If you're woken up at night, it's a violation of your right to rest. Swearing is a violation of verbal abuse. You can file a warning, express your needs, and if the situation is serious, you can also call the police. I'm not encouraging you to call the police for everything, but there are many ways to resolve conflicts. What I'm saying seriously is that I hope you realize the basic rights of every adult to be independently responsible for themselves.

It's hard to change others, just as it's hard to change ourselves. Instead of fighting, relax, take care of yourself, improve yourself, and be flexible and proactive. Don't dwell on things you can't change and don't think negatively. Be kind to yourself and take responsibility.

Be kinder to yourself.

I didn't mention parents because the answers apply to all healthy relationships.

Best,

I empathize with your emotional state.

Firstly, as previously stated, there has been a long-standing discord between you and your father. It is understandable that you feel distressed when you are at home. It would be beneficial for you to gain an understanding of the dynamics between your grandparents and your father. If you are unsure of how these dynamics have shaped your relationship with your father, you may wish to consult with other elders in the family when it is convenient. It is likely that your relationship with your father is similar to the relationship between your father and your grandparents.

The manner in which parents treat their children is often replicated by subsequent generations, unless children actively learn to do otherwise.

Secondly, the relationship between you and your father is not harmonious, and this is evidently linked to his verbal and physical actions. As you have stated, you are aware that he has good intentions, however, his actions evoke a negative emotional response and you find them disagreeable.

One might inquire whether your father's actions are deliberate or if he is simply unaware of how to treat you in a manner that is agreeable to you.

It is a common phenomenon for adolescents to experience a phase of discontent with their parents, with some individuals exhibiting this behavior earlier than others. As a university student, you have received a quality education and should be aware of the challenges associated with modifying an individual's behavior. Therefore, when confronted with such a situation, it may be more beneficial to focus on strategies for mitigating the emotional impact rather than directing anger towards your father. What are your thoughts on this matter?

During the current epidemic, online classes at home are, for the most part, a source of anxiety. It is not only you who are experiencing this anxiety, but also your family.

For those who remain at home, it is advised to commence with a regular diet and resume physical activity. Research indicates that exercise can effectively reduce anxiety levels, and that engaging in outdoor activities can also effectively reduce the likelihood of conflict with one's father.

It is recommended that you attempt this approach.

Dear question asker, I am honored to have the opportunity to answer your question.

You may feel a sense of restlessness when you are woken up by your father. It is possible that the accusations, intrusions, and control that your father has always exerted over you have caused a lot of anger and resentment to accumulate inside you. It seems that you may have always been treated like a child, without any autonomy. You may feel disrespected, unloved, and want to escape. At the same time, you may also feel your strong desire to break free.

##Psychological tasks##

Life is made up of different psychological tasks at different stages. It is often the case that our inner cries come from subconscious thoughts. Perhaps it would be helpful to take a look at what your psychological tasks have been so far:

In the first stage, which lasts from 0 to 1.5 years, the primary psychological task is to establish a sense of security. In the second stage, which lasts from 1.5 to 3 years, the primary psychological task is exploration, which includes the first rebellious period of life.

It would be beneficial to consider that the psychological task at the beginning of the third stage, from 3 to 6 years old, is to develop self-confidence.

It might be suggested that the psychological task of the fourth stage, from 6 to 12 years old, could be considered to be competence.

It might be suggested that the psychological task of the fifth stage, 12 to 18 years old, could be considered to be the development of self-identity and the navigation of role confusion.

The sixth stage, which lasts from 18 to 40 years, is a time when many people are seeking to establish intimate relationships.

As the questioner described, in junior high school, I recall feeling a sense of animosity towards my father, which I would sometimes express by writing "hate" on my desk. This may have served as an outlet for your "internal emotional release," and it can also be seen that it was precisely the events in junior high school that affected the development of your sense of self-identity. Your father's words of "disrespect, rebellion, and backtalk" may have caused you to doubt yourself and impacted your understanding and evaluation of yourself.

On the one hand, you feel you cannot agree with what he says, as you are not like that.

On the one hand, you may feel inclined to rebel, yet on the other hand, you may feel somewhat powerless to effect change.

From this point forward, it's possible that this seed of resentment towards your father will continue to grow in your heart. This may be why you feel that your father is good to you, but you're having trouble expressing gratitude.

It may be helpful to recognize that the feelings you are experiencing are not necessarily your true feelings about the situation. They may be pulling you back to bad emotional memories from the past, which could be influencing your current perspective.

##Communication style##

From the topic starter's description, it seems that the father's communication with you is often perceived as scolding, as if he occupies a high position and has a condescending feeling in his communication with you.

It is not uncommon for parents and children to engage in communication that involves placing blame. This can manifest in questions like "Why did you do that?" or statements like "I only did it for your own good." These phrases have become somewhat universal and unchanging in parent-child communication.

However, this type of communication can sometimes have the unintended consequence of making the person being communicated with feel rejected, unaccepted, and ashamed.

However, changing other people is not easy, so perhaps the best approach is to focus on changing ourselves. It might be helpful to learn some techniques for consistent expression. If you can do the following, you may find you are getting closer and closer to consistent expression:

It would be beneficial to answer the question directly, rather than asking a defensive question in return.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to demonstrate the new vitality of life gained through growth on a regular basis.

☞ Third, it would be beneficial to state your specific needs without lengthy explanations or preambles.

It would be beneficial to be able to make honest choices.

It would be beneficial to be able to perceive and examine the comments, ideas, behaviors, and situations you encounter without being preconceived.

It would be beneficial to be able to try or take risks according to one's wishes.

☞ Point 7: It may be helpful to consider questioning life and being open to new possibilities.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to listen to your intuition or wisdom when faced with new possibilities and choices about how to solve a problem.

The above represents only my personal opinions, and I hope they will be of some help and inspiration to you.

I'm grateful for your consideration.

Hello, young lady. I can see you're feeling confused, so I'm giving you a hug!

I know it's tough, but you're facing some family issues right now. I'm here for you, so don't hesitate to reach out.

Given the circumstances of the pandemic, you're currently unable to attend classes on campus.

If you don't like your father scolding you early in the morning because you haven't gotten up yet, and it was a habit in the past to get up early and work,

Then, you might need to go to bed a bit earlier at night, and then you can get up early the next day.

If you're struggling to cope with your father's constant criticism at home, you can try the following approach to release your negative emotions.

If you have pillows at home, you can punch them.

You could also try the exercises with Liu Genghong, which are really popular online. They're a great way to let out all your negative emotions.

I'm not sure how long you'll be able to stay at your current university.

You might want to think about waiting until the lockdown is lifted, going back to university, and then getting a part-time job in your spare time.

That way, you can achieve your financial independence sooner.

Once you're financially independent, you can move out on your own. You don't have to live with your father.

I really hope you can resolve the issue you're facing soon.

I'm afraid that's all I can think of for now.

I hope my answers above are helpful and inspiring to you. I'm here to help, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Best wishes!

I'm thrilled to be answering for the first time since I got here! I'm sorry to the original poster for jumping in without knowing much, but I'm excited to jump in and help!

I have always been amazed by the calm and reason that everyone displays!

As you stand on the side of the building with the air conditioning units, you can hear the slanderous whispers behind each window. The voices grow louder and louder until they roar, and finally sound like the roars of beasts!

I suspect that there is human flesh and blood in every sewer—and it's all part of the human experience!

Even with the cheapest telescope, if you stare long enough, you will see incredible things behind every window!

Can you believe it? One hundred acts of violence in the world every day! And 90 of them happen right at home!

It's fascinating how people often talk about the challenges of society but also praise the beauty of family. Could it be that these two concepts are interconnected?

The teacher said, "You shall be a lotus!"

After saying that, without waiting for your consent, he used his smelly hands to press your face into the mud, and you could only learn to sprout before suffocating. You flaunted the only tender, pathetic greenness you have to please the hot sun and muddy water, and it was a truly magnificent sight to behold!

Do you want to? I think you should!

I made the choice to break free from the cycle and become a bystander to my family rather than a participant. This has led to a life free from the torment and unprovoked anger that I once endured. I am proud to say that I have not participated in any beatings, incest, killings, or dismemberments to this day.

Hello, I understand your feelings. You have a grudge against your father. He scolds you in the morning, and you feel helpless and depressed. You want to resolve the situation.

Let me help you organize your thoughts.

I'm 21 and in college. This morning, my dad woke me up because I stayed up late. I'm 21, I'm not a kid. I wanted to sleep in, but he woke me up again. Sleep is important to me.

You stayed up late last night, so you woke up late this morning. You feel that sleeping well is important, but your father doesn't understand. He only thinks you didn't get up, but he doesn't think about why you stayed up late. So you feel that your father seems unreasonable.

He's made me feel bad all day. I don't know how to let it out. I know he's doing it for my own good, but I'm not grateful. I hate him. I wish he would just die.

Normally, you get angry in the morning and then get scolded by your father. You feel suffocated and blocked, and you lose your good mood for the whole day. Later, you said that you know he is doing it for your own good, but you don't feel grateful and want him to die. I want to know what you felt when you thought of him dying.

In junior high, my desk was covered in carvings of my hatred. In high school, I once dreamed that I had killed him. When I was little, he would scold me for talking back. Since junior high, he has scolded me for the same things. I am heartbroken and don't want to talk to him. When I'm scolded, it's hard to bear.

Your father started to regularly scold you when you were young. In junior high, he said you were rebellious and unfilial, which made you lose heart and unwilling to communicate. After being scolded, you felt misunderstood.

I'm staying at home for online classes and I'm very annoyed and overwhelmed. I don't want to move, eat breakfast, or do anything.

You didn't have online classes at home before. You could ignore it when you were at school. But now you have to stay at home every day. You feel overwhelmed and helpless. You can't care about anything. You have lost your motivation.

I'm not sure I understand, but I'll answer your questions.

1. I think you've tried to talk to your father many times, but it hasn't worked.

2. Our parents play a big role in our lives. They influence our personalities. For us as children, our parents are everything. But as we grow up, we start to have different ideas and values. This can lead to arguments. But we can try to understand each other. We are new to being children, and our parents are new to being parents. We will make mistakes, but we will always love and care for each other.

3. You can try to reconcile with yourself. Take a deep breath and imagine you can see your emotions. What does he look like? What color is he? What shape is he? Then imagine saying hello or goodbye.

4. No parents are perfect. I don't agree. Parents may intend to do good, but they can hurt you. This is because times change, and each era has its own ideas and values.

5. In the past, you could vent your anger when your father scolded you. Now, you seem unable to express your emotions, which has led to communication problems. A lot of things depend on what we do, not what we say.

For example, when you were in junior high, he said you were unfilial. Were you really? You must let out your emotions, apologize, and communicate.

I recommend the book The Art of Communication. It may help.

7. To break the current situation, communicate, face it, argue. Avoidance is the enemy of solution.

Be free and in control. Come on!

There's a reason behind every emotion, and that goes double for love and hatred, especially when it comes to our parents!

As a 21-year-old college student and adult, you have the incredible opportunity to face the problem head-on and recall the past. Let's dive deep and explore why you've held negative feelings towards your father since junior high school. What is the accumulated resentment between you and your father? What actions of your father hurt you?

The influence of the original family can be a great opportunity for growth and positive change! Girls in particular who have a poor relationship with their father will find it difficult to handle intimate relationships when they grow up.

You can absolutely get strength and a sense of being loved from other sources! It's time to stop avoiding the situation and start healing. Even if it weren't for the pandemic, you would continue to hurt each other over other things. So it is especially important to save yourself, comfort and nurture your inner child, and you must have the strength to catch your inner emotions.

I'm ready to heal myself! I just need to go to the source. When and what started the bad relationship with my father? I'll find out! And why did I wish he were dead? I'm excited to find out!

Have a great chat with your father, find the injured self in your memories, give the injured self a big hug, and tell her: You are actually great! Then imagine re-experiencing the situation at that time in another way that you like. You'll feel so much better!

Meditation and reconciliation with yourself are the absolute best ways to truly resolve your conflict with your father. Reconciliation is not simply saying that you will not care anymore or denying the existence of the hurt. Rather, it is acknowledging the hurt, facing it, allowing it to exist, and then talking to it. In meditation, replace the bad feelings from that time with a different approach and see if you feel differently—it's a game-changer!

I can sense your inner restlessness, anger, and self-blame from your description.

You are a very filial and loving child. It is only natural to feel angry when your father scolds you for no reason. If this happens all the time, it is only natural to feel irritated.

It is normal to have a rebellious streak in junior high school. It does not make you a rebellious or unfilial child.

Your father's scolding makes you doubt and deny yourself, and you even blame yourself. You know you can rely on your father to understand and approve of you.

You also tried very hard to accept and love your father.

Emotions don't lie. Dad's behavior really can make people feel crushed, irritable, and even want to kill him in their dreams. It's not your fault, and you don't have to feel guilty or self-blame.

Your blocked emotions are making you feel depressed and irritable.

A quarrel in junior high school made you feel cold and desperate towards your father, and you were done talking to him.

However, Dad did not stop scolding you. Every silent outburst of anger did not disappear into thin air; it was suppressed and accumulated in a more hidden place—the subconscious.

These negative emotions are like a balloon gradually being filled. They will cause you to become increasingly depressed and irritable at any time, and they will burst.

The way your father connects with you is unacceptable.

A better parent would choose to connect and communicate with their child in a loving way.

Your father didn't have such parents either, nor did he have the opportunity to learn how to communicate with you in the right way.

This will lead him to treat you the same way his parents did, which is the only way he knows how to communicate. He's hoping to connect with you and establish communication.

What you're experiencing is likely a result of what he experienced before. It's not that he doesn't love you; it's that he's incapable of loving you and even less capable of expressing it.

Express your feelings and needs in a timely manner.

Expecting your father to change is almost impossible. If you want to change the current situation, you have to make it happen.

This is our chance to break the cycle and forge a new path. We can learn and grow actively, and break away from the fate of our parents.

Tell your father how you feel and tell him what you want from him. You can accept it and feel better.

Take the initiative to re-establish a new way of communicating with your father. Be open and honest about your emotions.

There may still be arguments and unpleasantness, but I want you to know that Dad still loves you. As long as you are willing to communicate, your relationship can improve.

Best wishes!

Hello, questioner. I'm happy to answer your question, and I hope that my answer will be helpful in your difficult situation.

This short paragraph tells the story of your conflicts with your father at home, which really hurt you. I can feel how powerless and annoyed you were.

Indeed, when we're growing up, we're most annoyed by our parents' lectures. We don't feel loved in these lectures; they're full of repressive emotions and the embarrassment of not being understood.

First, give yourself a hug.

People of the older generation didn't realize how important mental health is. They just taught their kids the methods they learned. They didn't understand or see how these methods hurt their kids.

How can we deal with these hurtful, ignorant, and helpless feelings?

First, take a moment to notice your emotions. What are you feeling right now? Anger, sadness, or powerlessness?

Second, take note of your body's reaction. Where does your body react to these emotions? Is it in your stomach, chest, or somewhere else?

What does your body feel like when it's reacting to these emotions? Is it your stomach churning, or your chest tightening?

Third, learn to observe your emotions and spend some time with them. Take your time and listen to what your thoughts are saying, what they want to express, and what your real needs are.

Try meditation to help you deal with your emotions.

Just count each breath as one number. Breathe in deeply and slowly, then out. You can count the number of times you breathe out, or you can count the number of times you breathe in.

Count to ten, then start over at one.

Hello!

I have a grudge with my father. It's hard for him to scold me early in the morning. I feel devastated. What should I do?

The questioner has a grudge with her father. He scolded her early in the morning. It is clear that the father is unable to manage his emotions. He can only express his inner dissatisfaction in the way he is used to.

It was a lose-lose situation. The questioner is upset and having an emotional breakdown.

Was my father's emotional outburst ineffective?

Thank you for sharing your story. It's clear that your father's behavior is a common issue among Chinese parents. He's trying to think he's helping you, but it's actually controlling you. I understand how hard this is for you. This discussion could help you change your destiny. Let's talk about it together.

Let's look at the situation and analyze it.

I'm a 21-year-old college student. This morning, my father shouted at me because I stayed up late.

Maybe my dad yelled at me for staying up late because he thought he needed sleep. He doesn't know why I stayed up late or that I'm still a child at heart. This is my dad's self-righteousness. Is this his unconscious behavior or a habit?

He's annoying. Can I ignore him? I'm 21. I'm not getting in his way. I was trying to sleep, but he woke me up. Sleep is important to me. His mood has affected me all day. It's hard to bear when I'm scolded. I don't know how to let it out. I know he's trying to do what's best for me, but I'm not grateful. I hate him. I want him to die.

In junior high, my desk was covered in "I hate you" carvings. In high school, I dreamed I had killed him. Since junior high, he has scolded me for talking back, being rebellious, and being unfilial. I am heartbroken and don't want to talk to him. Now that I'm staying at home for online classes, I'm very annoyed and overwhelmed. I don't want to move, I don't want to eat breakfast, I don't want to do anything.

This shows how the father and daughter interact. Perhaps the father didn't know that teenagers are rebellious and want to test limits. This is because most parents don't understand their children. The father thinks that controlling his child is being a good parent. Is this his perception of life values, or is it just his unconscious behavior?

The questioner said she had also fought with her father, but it didn't change him. Instead, it was her father's stubbornness that made her feel disheartened. This is because the father never realized he had a problem. He also never thought his child had their own thoughts. This is both the father's and mother's limitation.

It's pointless to hate, fight, get angry or complain to people who don't know they have a problem. The only thing you can do is despair and draw a "psychological boundary."

Has the questioner given up?

When we realize our father's behavior is making us sad, we need to calm down and think about what we want. Do we want him to change?

Fathers can't do it. We can change our perception of fathers, see the limitations of paternal authority, and do what we can change. Psychology means distinguishing clearly each person's issues and each person is responsible for their actions.

From the interaction between the questioner and her father, we can see a key point.

The father is controlling and still treats his weight like a child. This is his personality, not the questioner's.

[2] The questioner also has a rebellious personality, which is good because it shows he can make his own choices.

[3] Is "there is no such thing as a perfect parent, only disobedient children" a common problem for parents with a strong sense of control? It is the result of parents' limited cognition.

Taking online classes at home means you can't do what you want. This is why the questioner is unhappy. But you can still do something about it. You can draw a clear "psychological boundary" between yourself and your father, manage your emotions, and focus on what you can control.

We can try this:

First, accept that your father has limitations and that his behavior is not about you.

1. The questioner may have been a "good child" and been "controlled" by their parents. Parents often treat their children like children because they think it's the wisest thing to do. But this can cause problems for the parents.

2. The book "Parents Who Never Grow Up" explains that parents were also treated this way by their parents. They did not know that people are independent. It is not helpful to be angry with someone who does not know they are wrong.

Second, become independent, set boundaries with your parents, and separate issues.

1. The questioner feels pain and dissatisfaction because of his father's scolding and control. He may also be unable to confront his parents, so he suppresses anger. When we feel pain, we change. The questioner must learn to change.

2. First, follow your feelings. When the questioner realizes that they no longer want to be controlled by their father, they should realize that emotions are there to remind them to take responsibility for their own lives.

3. Your father can try to control you, but you can decide whether to accept it. He can try to change, but you can decide whether to accept that too. What you can decide for yourself is to become mentally strong.

You need to know the difference between God's will, your parents' wishes, and your own decisions. You can control your own actions.

Be honest about your feelings and attitude. Be your true self when it's right. Manage your emotions.

1. If you often have conflicts with your father because you have different views, speak up. You don't have to leave your parents, but you can make your own choices.

2. Find a way to tell your father how you really feel. Use the method of "Nonviolent Communication" to tell him what you want. The more you tell him, the more he'll understand you.

3. If your family is troubling you, tell yourself it has nothing to do with you. Focus on your own affairs. Talk to someone, go out and talk to friends, or do something else to relieve your stress. Online classes are short, but managing our emotions is a lifelong process.

4. You can change yourself by reading books like "Why Family Hurts," "Meeting the Unknown Self," and "Why My Emotions Are Always Controlled by Others." You can also talk to a counselor to help you understand your inner thoughts and feelings better.

The above is my answer to the question. I hope it helps. I pray that the questioner will take responsibility for their life. Be free!

I love you! ?

Wouldn't it be great to have an endless amount of money, count money until your hand cramps, and wake up naturally when you dream? Unfortunately, you may not have achieved either of these two situations yet. As an adult college student, you're not yet financially independent, and your right to sleep is not guaranteed.

You're now an adult and a university student, which is a big change! It's normal to feel some tension and anxiety in your family relationships, and it's also normal to have trouble sleeping. You clearly needed more sleep after staying up late last night, but he woke you up early in the morning, which is really annoying.

Right now, you just want to get a good night's sleep so that you can feel better. But the other person isn't doing what you want them to do, and you're feeling very frustrated. You're feeling very blocked and have a lot of pent-up emotions. This is a very difficult age, my dear.

You're doing so much on your own, and it's tough. I know you're feeling overwhelmed and like you're on the brink of a breakdown. It's okay to feel this way. We've all been there. You've even developed some negative thoughts and feelings, and it's natural to have some impulsive thoughts, too.

The other person said you are rebellious and unfilial. You feel like you can't argue back, and you just take everything lying down. I can imagine it makes you feel pretty uncomfortable! And you are also quite annoyed with taking online classes, having to face the computer every day. You should take a break and find a balance between work and rest.

It's so important to take care of yourself! Try to get into a better frame of mind, arrange some more comfortable activities for yourself, and go out for a walk. It's good to get out and about! Don't stay at home all the time. You need a way to vent your current feelings of breakdown, worry, depression, and impulsive thoughts. You can go to the mountains and sing to express your feelings, or talk to a psychological counselor about some of your recent thoughts, and strive to become independent from your family as soon as possible. Good luck!

ZQ?

Hello, This is in response to your question.

It seems like your father wants to control you and is upset that you're staying up late. This is also a way for him to express his concern, but it makes you feel like he's controlling you or that he'll blame you if you don't do things his way. However, a father's responsibility is to let us rest well and not stay up late because we're not yet aware of the importance of physical health.

As we grow up, our ideas will naturally differ from those of our parents. Our parents may think we lack independence and that our ideas are immature. Their desire to control us reflects their lack of confidence. They worry about our independence and think we're unreliable. From their perspective, they're expressing their concern for us, but the way they express it makes us feel unloved.

Maybe we can try to understand our parents' emotions and their desire for control. Then we can communicate with them properly, calmly explain our thoughts to them, and ask if they're experiencing anything. We should also learn to take care of our own emotions. When our parents accuse us of something, we may be very angry. We should calm down first, become aware of our emotions, and see what the cause of our emotions is. We should look at the needs behind our emotions, and express our feelings or needs. For example, we can say, "Dad, I'm sad when you accuse me like this. I won't do it again next time," etc. Use "I" expressions more often, instead of "you" expressions. You can also gently but firmly refuse your father's control when he forces you to do things you don't want to do. You can do things to prove that you are independent, starting with small things and then gradually moving on to bigger things, and slowly doing them well, to show that you can do it. Then your father won't have so many accusations.

I hope this helps.

Dear Host, Although we have not had the opportunity to meet, we can already discern the level of tension in your relationship with your father, as well as the frustration and helplessness you are experiencing. I extend my support and understanding to you.

While many individuals may analyze the issue from the standpoint of the original family and inquire about the nature of the early relationship, it is nevertheless true that the original family has a significant impact on us.

However, you also indicated that there are instances when you comprehend your father's actions and believe that he is acting in your best interests.

However, you harbor significant resentment toward your father and have even considered wishing him dead.

To be honest, we must address these issues. However, if we alter our perspective, can you provide an accurate description of your father?

Consider this: if you were in your father's position, how would your communication style differ? How did this pattern of communication become established? Your father believes you lack motivation, and you intentionally sleep in late.

From a systems theory perspective, it is necessary to consider the sustainability of this situation. One option for consideration is to move out and demonstrate your ability to achieve better grades.

Additionally, it would be prudent to ascertain whether your father has placed his unfulfilled expectations on you.

It is challenging to provide specific advice given the limited information available. Our lack of involvement may limit our ability to fully comprehend your feelings.

I would like to suggest that you try free writing, which involves writing down your emotions and thoughts without restrictions within a certain time frame. For example, you could try just five minutes. Once you have finished writing, you can leave it alone for now and perhaps read it again the next day. This may help.

Should you feel that you are losing control of your emotions, you are encouraged to contact the psychological support hotline, where professional workers will be available to assist you in managing your emotions.

We recognize that this issue may persist for some time. However, we are confident that the measures outlined above will prove beneficial.

Hello! I was upset reading your account.

Why did the closest person become an enemy?

I hoped my father would die.

It's supposed to be the father who loves the children and the children who are grateful to their parents, but there was no love or gratitude. What's hardest is that this is a common thing.

My father would sit with me in bed after an injection to make sure my bottom didn't hurt. He would sit with me until I was ready to move around on my own.

My father loved me, so I have good memories.

My mother had a bad temper and would get angry easily. I was afraid of making her angry and worried about upsetting my father, so I was always sensible and tried not to make her angry. Life passed peacefully despite the quarrels.

I also hated my mother for not loving us.

But I didn't have many complaints because she was my mother. Dad said it wasn't easy for her to serve our grandmother, so we knew we should respect her.

I understand your feelings. We can't choose our family or parents, so we must learn to love.

It's good you know your father loves you! I believe every parent loves their child but doesn't know how to show it, which is why the relationship gets worse.

You are a university student with knowledge and education; you are a girl with a delicate heart and the ability to express yourself; and you are a child who can see your father's hard work. So, try to understand your father, communicate with him, and tell him how you feel.

Maybe your dad will understand you.

Every relationship needs to be taken care of. As a university student, I hope you can help your family get along better.

I hope your dad will be okay soon! Parents love us.

Live with love and awareness!

It is recommended that you embrace your child with affection. This is an emotion that only children can have. I was like this when I was a child, too. I only understood many things when I grew up. Based on my experience, I have a few pieces of advice for you:

You are a highly self-respecting child who has matured and developed your own ideas about time management. This is commendable and an indication of your growing autonomy.

My father has a tendency to express his displeasure in a rather vocal manner in the courtyard at the earliest hours of the morning. It is, understandably, a rather trying experience, but I can see that he is not at his best. Why is he not at his best? Because he gets up late. Why does he get up late?

Please explain why you are so angry.

The underlying concern is whether this routine is beneficial for your health.

We are aware that going to bed early and getting up early is beneficial for your health. However, I do not wish for you to dictate my schedule. I simply desire autonomy.

This is a common desire among children and adults alike. However, is it truly beneficial?

I am aware that this is not an optimal situation, but I am seeking autonomy. I desire the freedom to make my own decisions.

I extend a supportive embrace to those who seek autonomy and self-determination.

The love of parents is often expressed in hurtful ways because they are unaware of the impact of their actions. Parents who do not express their love often do so in a negative or hostile manner, which can cause significant distress to their children.

What is the recommended course of action? Consider the following scenario: If you fail to act and your father passes away, will you be sad and upset?

It is only through reflection and experience that one can truly grasp the value of the present. It is imperative to appreciate the moment and recognize that it is the optimal choice. Have you ever taken the time to observe your father and note the subtle changes in his appearance? Have you noticed a slight decline in his mobility?

What is the recommended course of action? It is advised that you love them and learn to understand the way they love you. Take a good look at his white hair: Dad, look at you, you're worried about me and your hair is turning gray.

It is also recommended to go to bed early and get up early as much as possible. This is beneficial for your health and will please your father.

I must insist that you reconsider. You will not fully comprehend the significance of this until you have reached a more mature age.

It is important to develop a capacity for love, both for oneself and for others.

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your inquiry. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

After reviewing your experience, I would like to extend my support and encouragement.

I would like to take this opportunity to offer some of my views and suggestions, which I hope will be of assistance to you.

Let us first examine the particular issue raised by the questioner and attempt to comprehend and evaluate it.

I am a 21-year-old college student. This morning, I did not wake up until I heard my father shouting at me outside my room because I stayed up late the previous night. However, I believe his behavior is excessive. Is it appropriate for me to ignore him? I am 21 years old, I am not disturbing him, and I was trying to get a good night's sleep. I was woken up again, and sleep is very important to me. His mood has affected mine all day. It is challenging to manage when I am scolded, but I am unsure how to respond. I understand his motivation is to ensure my well-being, but I am not grateful for his actions. I harbor strong negative feelings toward him. I wish he would pass away. In junior high school, my desk was covered in my hatred. In high school, I once had a dream that I had killed him. When I was young, if he scolded me, I would respond in kind. Since junior high school, he has scolded me for talking back, being rebellious, and being unfilial. I am deeply distressed, and I do not wish to interact with him further, but it is difficult to cope when I am scolded.

I am currently taking online classes from home and am experiencing a high level of frustration and stress.

Firstly, my parents will remind me when I stay up late. Many of my friends are in a similar situation, so it's a fairly common occurrence. If you really don't want to be disturbed, you can have a productive discussion with your father and explain the issue clearly, expressing your genuine feelings.

If you have any concerns, please do not hesitate to communicate them. Otherwise, your father may not be aware of your frustration.

It is important to understand that every parent has the best intentions for their children. Given their age and experience, it is unlikely that a parent would intentionally cause harm to their child. While mistakes may be made, they are usually made with the child's best interests in mind. Parents often worry about their children throughout their lives. It is therefore advisable to express gratitude to them as soon as possible.

It is not uncommon for fathers to be reticent about expressing their love. However, it is important to remember that feelings can change over time, and actions can be modified. It is never too late to express your love and gratitude to your parents. While it may be challenging for some individuals to articulate their emotions, it is possible to demonstrate love through your actions.

Parents will always be the people closest to you. Despite their imperfections and shortcomings, they are the elders and we are the juniors. There is often no need to draw such a clear line. It is a valuable quality to be easily confused. It is more beneficial to make your parents feel at ease than to directly point out their flaws, which they cannot change.

Filial piety does not necessitate the sacrifice of one's own happiness. It is important to recognize that compromise is sometimes possible, but not always. There is no need to be so definitive about trivial matters. It is essential to prioritize and approach matters with a balanced perspective.

Parents are also new parents for the first time, and there may be a lot of things they do not do well. If you are really dissatisfied and unhappy, you should communicate this clearly to them. As an adult, you should be confident in speaking your mind.

I hope the above suggestions will be of assistance to you.

Best regards,

Good morning,

I had hoped to sleep well, but in the morning I was woken up by my father, who scolded me. This would have a negative effect on anyone's mood. It would be beneficial to give yourself a hug.

I would be delighted to have a conversation with you and hope to provide you with some comfort and inspiration.

1. Initially, identify your own requirements.

It is important to recognize that our emotional state is often a reflection of unmet needs. When these needs remain unaddressed for an extended period, it can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, frustration, and emotional blockage.

It is important to note that emotional responses are often indicative of unmet needs.

As an illustration, there is a desire to be left alone and to be able to make one's own decisions.

It is not advisable for fathers to interfere in every aspect of their children's lives, nor should they be overly critical of themselves.

If these needs are not met for an extended period, it will result in feelings of discontent, irritation, and a sense of emotional restriction and unease.

This is a common experience among young people.

If we can take a step back and assess the situation calmly, we will see that there are many differences from the past.

There is a well-known theory in psychology known as the ABC model.

To explain simply,

A represents the triggering event.

B indicates the individual's beliefs about the triggering event, which may include views and explanations.

C indicates the result of the emotions and behaviors that one produces.

The initial event is your father scolding you in the morning. You may perceive this as disrespectful behavior, which could be classified as event B. This would result in your experiencing irritation (event C).

You are aware that his actions are for your benefit, yet you are unable to express gratitude. This suggests that you may have suppressed negative emotions towards him.

If we were to address these grievances, the outcome may be significantly different.

2. Examine your father's needs and the manner in which he treats you.

The father may hope that you can comply with his requests, such as going to bed early, getting up early, and doing well in your online classes.

When he sees you stay up late, he may believe it is detrimental to your health, but he lacks the ability to express this in a constructive manner, so he resorts to scolding you.

For an extended period, the individual in question was subjected to disciplinary action for exhibiting rebellious and unfilial behavior, which caused significant distress. The underlying motivation for such disciplinary measures can be attributed to the individual's underlying needs.

For example, he hopes you will not engage in conflict with him and that you will demonstrate filial piety.

However, when confronted with these negative messages, it is only natural to experience feelings of discontent.

As a result, we even find ourselves hoping for his demise.

Despite his care for you, he may lack the skills to communicate with you effectively.

Many parents believe they are providing adequate care and demonstrating love for their children, yet their children perceive them as controlling and unintelligent.

As a result, it was stated that:

A poor parent-child relationship is one in which the parent is perpetually awaiting gratitude from the child, and the child is consistently anticipating an apology from the parent.

You are currently 21 years of age and enrolled in university.

It is essential that we learn to mature and recognize that no parent is perfect. Our discontent with our father stems from our own expectations of him.

It is reasonable to expect that he will treat you as you would like to be treated.

If it is beneficial to your wellbeing, you may wish to consider examining the harm your father has caused you and learning to differentiate between the person your father scolded and yourself, who are not the same individual.

Ultimately, it is up to us to determine our own character and identity.

Furthermore, it is important to distinguish between the father's actions and the immature behaviour.

It is our responsibility to affirm and love ourselves well, and to avoid allowing our father's scolding to affect us.

While it is natural to desire approval from our parents, it is also important to learn to cope with instances where it is not forthcoming.

3. Attempt to move beyond this pattern of interaction with your father.

We were dissatisfied because we did not appreciate being reprimanded by our father, and we were unable to respond in a constructive manner.

We can implement a new communication model.

Hatred is not an effective solution to any problem.

It is important to note that hatred often stems from a place of love.

One possible solution is to attempt to write out all the psychological repression, even if it's just a preliminary draft on a piece of paper.

This is referred to as psychotherapy.

Please assist us in identifying an outlet for our emotions.

It is important to be understanding of the difficulties you may face in this situation.

Additionally, it may be beneficial to consider the situation from a different perspective.

As a hypothetical scenario, consider how you would respond if you were a parent facing a similar situation with your child.

You may wish to consider reconciliation, or you may prefer not to.

It is also important to recognise that, prior to becoming independent, the majority of individuals relied on their parents for financial support.

Once independence is achieved, a greater number of options become available.

The management of our emotional responses, even those triggered by our fathers, is a matter for our own consideration.

If you are interested, we recommend reading Nonviolent Communication, which will help us establish constructive communication and achieve the desired family relationship.

Please accept my best wishes for a speedy recovery.