Divorced from my ex-husband, I don't want to turn back, feeling so lost, where should I go?

Hello!

Embrace the confusion and sense of disorientation you feel as a result of the divorce.

I'm excited to share some thoughts with you that I think you'll find really helpful!

Generally speaking, divorce does bring about a sense of emotional loss and helplessness, and this kind of emotion may affect your judgment and decision-making ability. But don't worry! You can overcome these challenges and emerge stronger than ever.

Divorce actually opens up a world of new possibilities! It can change your living environment and role, such as facing changes in your financial situation after divorce and how to arrange your life.

So, for a while, you might feel a bit lost, but that's OK! It's a new chapter and an exciting one at that. You'll get through this and come out stronger than ever.

And there's more! Divorce also involves emotional, legal, and financial issues and challenges that need to be faced and dealt with one by one.

Dealing with these problems and challenges may bring up some confusing, anxious, and uneasy feelings, as well as other negative emotions.

At the same time, they may have some serious doubts about the value and abilities of themselves and others, which is another important cause of confusion. But don't worry! This is totally normal.

On a positive note, many people have unknowingly developed a mentality of dependence on each other in previous marriages.

For example, the party with the weaker earning power may unconsciously view themselves as the weaker party. After a divorce, it can be challenging to change this mentality of relying on the other party. However, with the right mindset, this can be an exciting opportunity for growth and change!

This may lead to the exciting psychological and emotional reaction of "I want to leave him but don't know where to go."

Feeling lost after a divorce is totally normal!

There's no time to waste! You can get out of this emotional reaction period as soon as possible by trying the following methods and measures:

First of all, you need to adjust your mentality in time — and you can do it!

It's time to acknowledge those normal emotional reactions after the divorce! Don't reject them, just observe, experience, and accept them.

On this basis, recognize that divorce is not the end of life—it's a new beginning!

Embrace the future with a positive mindset and tackle whatever challenges and opportunities come your way!

It's also a great idea to look for people in your life who can support you emotionally and help you through this time. You can gain a lot from sharing your feelings with others.

Next, it's time to start thinking about your future! Start by making a list of all the amazing things you want to achieve in life and in your career. Then, break down all those big goals into small, achievable steps. You've got this!

In the process, even if there is just a little change and progress, you should also give yourself timely recognition and encouragement, and constantly improve your sense of new life value and accomplishment!

If you have the time and space, you should definitely try exploring new fields and job opportunities, expanding your social circle and interests, and making your life more fulfilling and meaningful!

If you're still feeling confused or overwhelmed, it's time to get some expert help! A marriage counselor can provide professional advice and support tailored to your specific needs.

I really hope this helps a little!

Hello, dear questioner! I'm Jiang 61, and I'm here to help.

Thank you so much for trusting us with your problem and for asking for our help. We're here for you! You've asked: "I divorced my ex-husband and don't want to go back. I'm so confused. Where should I go?"

I read your brief description and I have some thoughts that I'd love to discuss with you.

1. Introduction

You say, "Where am I going? I'm so confused. I'm not yet physically healthy. I've divorced my ex-husband. The more he treats me well, the more I'm hurt. I don't want to go back. I can't be in the same space as him. I want to leave him, but I don't know where to go..."

"Where am I going..."

1⃣️, confused

It's so sad to hear you're divorced, not to mention that you're not in the best of health, and your ex-husband is still treating you well. I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling hurt and confused. I'd love to know why you're hurting and confused, what caused your divorce, and what's stopping you from going back.

2. You don't want to go back.

You said you don't want to be in the same space as him and that you want to leave him. It seems like you're still together for physical reasons, which is totally understandable!

And he really wants to reconcile, but you just don't want to get back together.

3⃣️, What to do

It's totally understandable that you don't want to get back together, but it's also okay if you're feeling a little lost right now. We've all been there!

You asked, "Where should I go?" I can tell you're feeling a little confused about what kind of marriage you should choose.

II. Causes of confusion

1⃣️, Marriage outlook

Let's talk about marriage outlook!

Your marriage outlook is your basic understanding and attitude towards marriage issues. It's also one of the components of your life outlook!

A correct view of marriage is all about love and the idea that both people in a marriage should want to get married and be together.

The wonderful thing about marriage is that it's all about two people coming together in love and understanding. It's about having a deep mutual understanding, a common ideological foundation, mutual respect, and being congenial to each other. When two people are ready to become husband and wife and form a family, it's such a beautiful thing!

I totally get it. I can see why you're hesitating.

In your introduction, you didn't mention why you're not looking for a relationship. It's understandable that the better he treats you, the more you feel hurt. I'm not sure why you feel this way, but I can definitely sense that you two may not be a good match in some ways. That just means he's not the ideal person for you, and that's okay!

So, you hesitate because he's such a sweetheart to you.

2⃣️ Self-awareness

Self-awareness is so important!

Self-awareness, also known as self-consciousness or self, is a complex psychological phenomenon with multiple dimensions and levels. It consists of three psychological components: self-knowledge, self-experience, and self-control. These three psychological components are interrelated and mutually restrictive, unified in the individual's self-awareness.

You might be lacking in self-awareness.

From your introduction, it's clear that you're still learning about yourself and what you truly want. It's okay! We all have things we want to figure out. When we meet someone who treats us well, even if we're not quite satisfied, it can be hard to explain why.

3⃣️, personality reasons

It seems like you're a perfectionist who tends to overthink things. I totally get it! It can be really hard to make decisions when you're stuck in your head, and it's easy to get stuck on the same issue over and over. I'd guess you have a melancholic personality, which is totally normal!

People with a depressive personality have some pretty interesting traits!

These lovely people are thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and in pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty.

I'm so lucky to have these strengths: I'm sensitive, loyal, talented, and insightful.

We all have our little quirks! Some of us are a little stubborn, or indecisive, or maybe a bit self-centered, or even a little pessimistic or passive.

3. Where to go

1⃣️, clear cognition

Clear understanding

We first of all know who we are, where we come from, and where we are going. And we know what we want!

I'd love to share my thoughts on marriage, values, and my outlook on life!

Oh, goodness! Now, where should I go?

When we know ourselves well, we can figure out which people, things, and situations are right for us and which aren't. In terms of marriage, we can then choose to live with the right person for us and the right person for them.

2⃣️, learn to say no

You've got to learn to say no sometimes!

Refusal is all about being able to say "no" in a kind and clear way when someone makes an invitation, asks for something, or makes a suggestion. It's a basic form of communication in all our relationships. It shows that you're independent and confident, and it also helps you to stand up for yourself and protect your rights and personal values.

Learning to say "no" is a great way to take care of yourself!

It's so important to be able to say no! It helps us to grow and develop as individuals. It can help us to protect ourselves, improve our relationships with others and communicate better. It can even help us to avoid self-defeating behaviour and make the most of our time.

So, we should be confident in saying no to things that don't feel right for us, even if the other person is really nice and tries to make us feel good.

3⃣, self-growth

A sense of independence is so important!

The sense of independence is all about feeling confident in your ability to take care of yourself and handle whatever life throws your way. It's about having the freedom to make your own choices and not needing to rely on others for approval or guidance. It's about being able to navigate challenges and situations with autonomy and resilience.

Self-growth is a wonderful thing!

You know, the more independent we are, the more we know what we really want in terms of emotional needs. That makes it less likely that we'll become attached to others. And that means we can achieve and improve ourselves and grow!

Questioner, it's totally normal to feel unsure about your next steps. It's actually a good thing when you realize you're not sure where to go. It gives you a chance to stop and think about what you truly need. It's okay to take a step back and avoid continuing on the wrong path.

Take a moment to think about what you truly need.

I just want to wish the original poster a happy life!

Hello, I'm Strawberry!

No matter what kind of relationship it is, there will always be a part of the population that exists. The best love you can give is not what I want. On the one hand, there is self-moving giving, and on the other hand, there is being forced to accept. Once this is the way you get along, even the best love can bring harm and a sense of suffocation. But there's another way!

Wrong love is not real love — and that's a good thing!

From the author's words, we can tell that he is divorced. While he didn't go into detail about why his marriage ended in divorce, he did mention that the more he treated his partner well, the more he hurt himself. What we can take away from this is that, even though the author's partner treated him in a loving and good way, these actions always hurt the author.

The questioner is currently facing some challenges, but she's determined to find her way forward. She knows that she doesn't want to turn back from this marriage, even though her partner's kindness isn't what she's looking for. She's ready to move on to something new and exciting!

The courage to choose to stop the loss in time!

Close proximity is a great way to get to know each other better! It might confuse outsiders, but only the two of you know whether the little things in life bring happiness or harm.

When the questioner realized that the pattern of getting along with their partner was not right, they made the courageous inner choice that many people cannot do. Even though they know that they are torturing each other, there are still countless reasons to convince themselves to make do with life, simply because they have the courage to adapt to a new life!

Where do I go?

It's totally normal to need a little time to readjust after a change. It's all about finding your rhythm again! And remember, it doesn't matter where you go, as long as you know what you want!

☀️Regulate the body and mind: It's time to give yourself the gift of time to regulate your body and mind. Allow yourself to slow down and rest. Your body is your temple, and it's time to give it the care it deserves!

While the body may recover with time, the mind just needs a little more time and effort to slowly heal and let go. When emotions return to stability, it's amazing how the questioner's view of things will also change!

☀️Take action! You can do it! Even if there are a thousand thoughts, you can achieve them if you take action. Calm yourself down and write down your thoughts and prioritize them.

Sorting is a fantastic way to slowly sort out your true thoughts, which will help us to be clearer about our goals moving forward. Once you've sorted, think about how to act and your own ability to bear it. When your thoughts are clear and definite, you'll be amazed at how quickly you'll find your rhythm and direction in life again!

☀️Seek help: When we are at a loss, we clearly have the answers and direction in our hearts, but we will be affected by pressure and emotions, which will affect our ability to think and judge. The good news is that we can get help from others who can guide us to see the answers within ourselves more quickly!

Find a suitable listener and pour out your troubles to them. In the process of talking, you can both relieve your emotions and, with the guidance of the listener, see the real problem that is troubling you in the process of talking.

The problem is not the problem, it's how you view it! It may seem that you are unsure of your direction, but in reality, you are just unsure of your abilities. You have not yet regained your confidence in yourself, but you will! Try to regain your confidence in yourself by focusing on what you are good at, and slowly work towards your desired goal!

I really hope my answer is helpful to the questioner! Best of luck!

Greetings, I extend to you a 360-degree embrace.

In response to your inquiry, I am prompted to recall a discussion I had with my daughter. She is exceptionally helpful, assisting me with household tasks such as clearing the table after dinner, retrieving items on my behalf, sharing her own food with me, feeding me, procuring clothing, books, and culinary delicacies.

I complimented her, stating, "Oh, you are so admirable. How would I manage without you? What would I do when you attend high school and reside in the dormitory?"

Ultimately, she inquired, "How did you manage to persevere through those decades without me?" I had intended to elicit a sentimental response, but her remark served only to extinguish the emotional appeal I had sought to evoke.

She is of the opinion that I am unable to survive without her.

Indeed, her assertion is accurate. Absent the preceding decades of her life, during which she attended school, changed employment, and relocated, I would have fared just as well. I am adept at a multitude of tasks, and I possess the capacity to learn new skills.

It is evident that life is enhanced by her presence, and I am consistently influenced by her. At times, I even perceive that it is not she who requires my assistance, but rather I who needs her.

However, at some point, she will leave the family home, and I will have to adjust to life without her. It should be noted that this is not the same as getting divorced.

The objective of this discourse is to elucidate the notion that adults are capable of leading their own lives. From the moment of graduation to the celebration of matrimony, there exists a considerable span of time during which individuals are free to pursue their own paths. While they may maintain friendships, it is imperative to recognize that the capacity to live independently is a fundamental aspect of adulthood. Upon entering into a marital union, individuals begin to experience the company of another person. Gradually, they become accustomed to this new arrangement and find themselves feeling secure and at peace within it. In some instances, this may even lead to the perception that the future holds greater promise.

It is a commonly held belief that the objective of marriage is to spend one's life with one's partner and to grow old together. It is uncommon for couples to anticipate a future in which they are no longer together. However, it is not uncommon for marriages to become strained over time. When this occurs, it can be challenging to know how to proceed.

This is a normal psychological process. When one becomes accustomed to a certain pattern of behavior and then abruptly alters it, a sense of discomfort is to be expected. Adaptation to this new state of affairs and the re-planning of one's life without the other person require time.

From your description of the problem, it appears that you are currently divorced, do not wish to reconcile, and desire to terminate the relationship. Regardless of the underlying cause, the probability of reuniting is minimal. Consequently, you must chart a course for your own future. However, you seem uncertain about your direction and your desired destination.

One can endeavor to ascertain one's direction and contemplate the type of life one aspires to lead. For instance, one might consider what one's life will entail a decade hence. What are one's expectations regarding one's profession, relationships, and so forth in ten years' time? What kind of person do you want to be? Then, one can work backwards to identify the most opportune starting point for taking action.

It is acknowledged that there may be circumstances in which one is unable to act immediately. In such cases, it is recommended that one allows time for mourning the marriage and healing the resulting loss. One may seek the guidance of a counselor or set a self-imposed deadline, such as three or six months, during which one is permitted to indulge in decadence and confusion. Upon the expiration of the deadline, one can then transition to the subsequent stage of life.

Should difficulties be encountered in this process, it is advised that the individual seek the guidance of a qualified counselor.

As a counselor, I often find myself simultaneously embracing Buddhist principles and a pessimistic outlook on life. However, I also recognize the value in maintaining a positive and motivated outlook, particularly when it comes to the world and the people in it.

Hello, questioner! I'm Jia Ao, your Heart Exploration coach. I'm not looking for anything in particular.

I can see the problems and confusion you described on the platform. You feel especially lost after the divorce, right? You said you don't know where to go?

You feel pretty lost right now. Your health isn't great, and you don't have anything to do with your ex-husband. The more he treats you well, the more you feel hurt. You don't want to go back, you don't want to be in the same space as him, you want to escape completely, you want to leave him, but you don't know where to go. What should you do?

I can see you're confused and feel powerless. You're not in good health either, but you're no longer related to your ex-husband, right? What's the point of him treating you well?

It'll only make you feel worse and more hurt. You just want to get away from it all, but where? You don't know, and you don't know what to do next.

I can help you analyze and sort things out.

1. Accept your emotions.

Going through a divorce is tough. It's a big life change that can bring up a lot of negative emotions, like sadness, anger, disappointment, and confusion. It's okay to feel this way. Try to accept your emotions as they are and give yourself time to work through them. Don't rush.

2. Get some outside support and help.

Your situation might be a little bit different. You said you're not in good health and you really don't want to be around your ex-husband. Maybe you've already made up your mind to leave him! If you feel negative emotions and effects of divorce for a long time, it can make you feel lonely, helpless, and at a loss. At this time, you can seek professional help. It's important to actively seek external support. You can seek help from family and friends, psychologists, or social workers. Relax.

3. Don't forget to look after your physical and mental health.

Going through a divorce can have a negative impact on a person's physical and mental health. Since you're not in a good place yourself, it's important to pay more attention to your health. Don't worry, just give yourself a little more time. You can maintain your health through a healthy diet, moderate exercise, and adequate sleep. It's also a good idea to take some time to examine your values and lifestyle. You can cultivate hobbies to help you get rid of negative emotions and increase the joy of life. For example, you can try painting, music, yoga, sports, etc.

4. Stay positive and optimistic.

It's important to stay positive and optimistic, which will help you cope with whatever life throws at you. Don't worry about temporary confusion; just adjust as you go along. Try some positive thinking, be grateful, learn to be optimistic and confident, and be positive. Spend more time with friends who have positive energy. If you're not sure what to do, it's okay to just let yourself go for now. This is a good way to do it. Then re-establish your social circle, join some social activities, join interest groups, or volunteer. You can do it; I believe in you.

I hope this helps. If you want to talk more, you can follow me (click on my personal homepage), choose the Heart Exploration service, and send me a message. Best wishes, [Name]

Dear friend, I can imagine that you are going through a lot right now. Major life transitions such as divorce often bring up a lot of emotions and challenges to our identity.

You mentioned physical health problems, which undoubtedly add to your stress. At the same time, the fact that you feel hurt by your ex-husband's kindness shows that you may benefit from some emotional space and time to deal with the end of the relationship.

Life's path can sometimes be like a maze, and we often feel disoriented after experiencing major life changes. The physical health issues you mentioned, the experience of divorce, and your relationship with your ex-husband are all current challenges that may be affecting your sense of direction.

It's not uncommon to feel a bit lost and anxious when faced with the uncertainties of life. The question you mentioned, "Where am I going?," isn't just about a physical destination, but also about self-discovery and life direction.

It is not uncommon to experience a range of emotional reactions after major life events, such as sadness, anger, confusion, and fear. These are normal responses, and everyone deals with these emotions in a different way.

In psychology, there is a concept called "self-exploration," which refers to the process of individuals gaining an in-depth understanding of their own perceptions, emotions, values, interests, and abilities. This process is thought to be essential for finding a direction in life.

You may benefit from some time to explore yourself and gain a deeper understanding of your true desires.

With regard to your relationship with your former husband, the remark, "The more he treats me well, the more I get hurt," may indicate a need for you to have some space and time to process your emotions. In some instances, when we have been hurt in a relationship, it may be helpful to allow time for healing rather than immediately returning to the status quo.

You may find it helpful to set some boundaries to protect your emotional health. With regard to the issue of "not being in the same space," it might be beneficial to create a new living space for yourself, one that is safe and comfortable.

This could involve making some changes to your living situation or daily routines.

It may be a challenging process, but each step brings us closer to a brighter future. Many people find themselves uncertain at some point in their lives, but with perseverance and dedication, we can all chart our own course.

Your journey has already begun, and every step is worth celebrating. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you find your own way forward.

Hello, my name is Coach Yu, and I would love to chat with you about this topic.

It's sad when two people who once loved each other can't get past the emotional hurdles together. But, people can't stay stuck forever. If one person is feeling too tired and disappointed and realizes that the relationship isn't helping them grow, and they've tried other ways of dealing with it, they can leave the relationship.

I totally agree with the original poster. I don't want to look back, and I can't be in the same space.

But in real life, even though the relationship has ended with the divorce, I just can't let go of it. While I'm trying to comfort myself by telling myself it's okay, I'm also struggling to deal with the end of the relationship on a deeper level. As the questioner wrote, I want to leave him, but I don't know where to go...

It's so important to achieve a true psychological closure of the intimate relationship. This doesn't just help us to renew ourselves and see ourselves clearly, but it also helps to enlighten all our important relationships and help us face them better.

The first thing we need to do is accept this inevitable emotional experience, which is a real loss and end. It's okay to feel sad, but we can also celebrate the new beginnings that come with moving on.

It can be really helpful to make some practical and physical divisions, such as getting rid of things that always remind you of your ex, photos, souvenirs, etc. You could also change the layout of the room to create a brand new sense of environment and space.

It's also important to try to face up to the ending of the relationship, say goodbye to the old self, and make room in our hearts for the new self to grow. For example, you could ask yourself: What were my feelings when I filed for divorce?

It's so important to ask yourself these questions. What does losing him mean to you? What other feelings do you have about this relationship?

It's so important to remember what the scenes were like at the time. You can record and organize these memories and feelings in a way that's comfortable for you. Which feelings and emotions are triggered by the divorce, and which are amplified by past experiences? Your writing is only for yourself, so please feel free to write about your feelings honestly and openly. This will help us understand the origin and impact of our emotions, and also help us clarify the root of the problem.

At last, you can perform a little ritual to formally announce the end of the relationship to yourself. You could write a letter to yourself or go to nature and let out your voice, for example.

The next step is to find new meaning in the end of the relationship.

It's also a good idea to ask ourselves, "Have I gained anything unexpected after the divorce? If so, what is it?"

It's also a good idea to think about whether divorce has changed how you see love and values.

We can also ask ourselves, "What did I do in my marriage with my ex-husband that may have led to the divorce?" And, "Has my view of myself changed in any way?"

Has your heart been touched by any new insights about love?

It's okay to not be able to let go sometimes. We all feel confused sometimes, but we can accept our emotions and say goodbye slowly. We have to respect our own emotional rhythm.

When we're back in our current single life and we're still feeling a little down, we can ask ourselves, "What does this remind me of? It's not true!"

When we start to accept our emotions and let them flow, it'll be less likely that we'll act out due to emotional repression.

If you're struggling with this, it's okay! It's not easy to overcome these things on your own. Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor or a support group. It's important to express your emotions to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

It's also a great idea to relax our minds. On weekends, we can go out for a lovely walk to listen to the frogs croaking in the rice fields and smell the birds chirping and flowers blooming. It's a wonderful way to keep our mood happy and enrich our inner selves with things like reading and sports. Life is a cycle, and you can tie it and untie it as you wish.

I'd highly, highly recommend this book: Live a Life that Blossoms.

Hello, I'm a heart exploration coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not just for appreciation, but for blossoming.

From what you've said, it seems like you're feeling a bit confused about your marriage and your emotions. It's clear that your marriage has changed, but you still have a strong emotional connection with your ex-husband. I don't know exactly what happened, but I can sense your dilemma.

After all, they were once in a relationship, so how can they just break up?

A husband and wife who have been married for a hundred days still have a hundred days of grace. You've formed a family because of your feelings for each other, and you've lived together for a while now.

They're deeply imprinted in your life. Even if you get divorced, the past isn't necessarily over, at least not easily.

But the marriage is already over, so how can you just turn back?

Divorce is no joke. Even if you have impulses, as adults we all have irreconcilable conflicts in real life. It feels good to be even with each other, even if you say, "If you divorce, don't come looking for me."

If you take one look back, you'll be torn between regret, self-blame, grievance, resentment, reluctance, anger, and a whole host of other complex emotions.

Given how considerate and caring he is, it's understandably shaken your resolve.

No matter what you decide, you should be able to live with it.

People are so torn up because they want it all: they want it, they need it, and they want it now. They can't make a choice, and they don't know how to choose. In the end, they put themselves in a bind.

When you leave, you're sticking to your principles and sticking to your guns.

If you turn back, the prodigal son returns and is irreplaceable. The other person wants to make things right, the foundation of the two people's relationship is still there, and giving the other person a chance is also giving yourself a chance.

Sometimes, a temporary setback can make us appreciate things more. "Become a better version of yourself after a breakup."

I hope this is helpful to you. Best regards, [Name]

If you'd like to continue the conversation, you can follow my personal page, "Heart Exploration Service."