Do I always care about what other people think, and do my best to please everyone?

Hello! I'll give you a warm hug from afar!

You should be really proud of yourself for having such a clear awareness of your emotional state! It's a great start to making positive changes.

Have you ever thought about why you try to appear as friendly as possible in front of others while keeping your temper and too many negative emotions to yourself and reserving them mostly for your beloved family? It's because you have expectations of your family, you feel safe in front of them, you feel accepted enough, and releasing your negative emotions on your family will not cause you much harm. What do you think?

From your description, it's clear that you're ready to make a change in your relationship. You want to be true to yourself, express your emotions, feelings, and needs honestly, and not hide your aggression. You're ready to share your true self with your loved ones, including your family.

You can try keeping an emotional diary to record your different emotional states in time in front of others and family members. This is a great way to help you better perceive, experience, feel, and sort out your emotions. You'll also be able to explore the real needs behind the emotions and then try to seek more appropriate ways to respond to yourself in time.

For example, you can try something new! You can try to bravely and sincerely tell your family directly about your emotional feelings and needs. Or, you can try nourishing yourself better by doing some exercises that make you feel physically and mentally happy. You can even try reading your favorite books and exploring your interests and passions!

I'm Lily, the little listener at the Q&A Center. The world and I love you!

Hello, question asker.

Let's work together to clarify your thoughts and transform "hating myself" into "loving myself."

It can be confusing when we care about what others think, feel like we lack a sense of identity, and try to please everyone. While we may have a good temper at school, we may take it out on our family when we get home.

A person's emotions are influenced by the environment they are in and the expectations of their social roles. In the home, we are children, and the environment is relatively relaxed and safe, so we are free to express our emotions.

At school, we are students, and society has certain expectations of us in terms of our interactions with our classmates. We will strive to meet these expectations and will likely find ourselves exercising more restraint than we might otherwise.

Our decision to express our emotions honestly may also be influenced by our expectations of the potential consequences of doing so. If we believe that expressing our emotions in a honest manner might lead to serious consequences that we are unable to tolerate, we may choose to exercise conscious control over our temper.

At school, if we lose our temper at the slightest thing, we may find ourselves isolated by our classmates, which is the last thing we want to happen. At home, however, because we are family, we are more tolerant of each other. If we lose our temper, our family members may simply think, "Oh, that's just how he is" or "Oh well, he probably had a bad day at work."

In other words, you perceive your home as a safe place where you can behave however you like without affecting your relationships with your family members. At school, you may feel the need to restrain yourself and even please others in order to maintain good interpersonal relationships.

Many people in life are like this, saving their good temper for outsiders and their bad temper for family members. This cognitive bias may have irreversible effects on one's family life or intimate relationships, so it's important to be aware of it.

It is worth noting that family members are often the most important people in our lives. Even if we exceed the limits of their patience, we can still lose the care and love of our family members.

I feel as though I am somewhat neglected at home and that I lack friends.

I wonder if it might be related to my tendency to lose my temper.

When we are feeling emotional, we may find it challenging to express our needs in words. Instead, we might express our frustration through anger. When faced with someone who is in a bad mood, many of us will reduce our interactions with them to avoid any potential harm to ourselves.

From what you've shared, it seems there are two cousins in your family. It's worth noting that you have the option to connect with them, but it's understandable if you're unsure about your feelings towards them. It's possible that you're hesitant to form a close bond with them, and that's okay.

Perhaps it's not that you don't have friends around you, but that you're not yet ready to expose yourself and let the people around you get to know you and become your friends.

It is also possible that this is the reason why they sometimes conceal their true family situation, perhaps out of a fear of being compared to people from well-off families or of revealing even a little bit of it.

It's understandable to feel resistant when you're in the company of people who are very open about their sexual experiences. It's also possible that your discomfort stems from a belief that sex is something to be avoided.

I believe you may be a man, and it's not uncommon for men to enjoy telling dirty jokes. This is a perfectly normal behavior. Sexual desire is also a natural psychological need, and it's important to recognize that repression is not the answer.

If we were to adopt an "allowing" attitude and listen to others talk about sex, it might help us to be less resistant.

We hope the following suggestions will be helpful in coping with this situation.

(1) It is beneficial to allow emotions to flow reasonably.

It may be helpful to allow emotions to flow reasonably by learning to express our emotions using non-violent communication. One approach is to state how you feel (emotionally) about something, and then make your request. You may find the book "Nonviolent Communication" helpful in this regard.

(2) Try to be true to yourself.

To make friends, it would be helpful to accept our true selves. Having an open mind about our own selves can give us the courage to be open about who we are. For example, if we are open about our family's financial situation, we can face questions about it with an open mind. We can then say, "I believe I can rely on my own abilities to give myself and my family a better life."

I believe that when we are true to ourselves, we are more likely to make good friends.

(3) It might be helpful to believe that no one cares about themselves as much as we do, except for ourselves.

It might be helpful to consider that our fear of others not accepting us is often a reflection of our own self-doubt. If we don't fully accept ourselves, we may unintentionally project this lack of acceptance onto others, leading us to believe that they don't accept us.

For instance, I am fortunate to have a loving family, despite their financial circumstances. If you look for it, you will find your own source of happiness.

(4) Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

We are fortunate to have the care and love of those around us, which allows us to live well. When we treat others with gratitude, we are more likely to see the good in them. With this same perspective, we can also recognize our own good and beauty, which can help us to love ourselves more deeply.

Please note that the above suggestions are for your reference only.

We hope these suggestions are helpful. Best regards,

My name is Gu Yi. I am modest and self-effacing, and I strive for consistency in my actions and beliefs.

It is recommended that you address your problems directly.

The distressing aspects of our lives are not the result of a single, isolated incident. Rather, they are the product of a gradual process of conditioning. As previously stated, I do not harbor hatred towards my younger sisters. However, I do acknowledge that they do not elicit a particularly positive emotional response from me. This is due to the fact that, subconsciously, I believe that my younger sisters have indirectly contributed to my parents' failure to adequately support my personal growth. This belief, in turn, has led to a state of psychological imbalance.

Even during our formative years at school, we were regarded as amiable individuals who blended in with the crowd. However, this did not allow us to fully express our authentic selves. This can lead to feelings of sadness and a sense of discontent with this aspect of ourselves. Despite a desire for change, it can be challenging to acknowledge and accept our true situation.

It is important to recognise that individuals have varying approaches to navigating the world and interpersonal relationships. These differences are driven by a fundamental need to protect oneself. Additionally, suppressing deeper aspects of the self can result in a greater intensity of subsequent reactions. It is crucial to understand, release and accept the current situation.

It is imperative to be courageous and authentic in one's own self-perception.

Individuals traverse different stages of adolescence, each with its own characteristics. Therefore, guidance from schools, families, and other sources is essential to help adolescents successfully navigate each period and build a complete personality. During this stage, individuals naturally possess inner sensitivity and love. However, these qualities can be problematic if not addressed correctly.

Family circumstances are a product of parental decision-making, and parents endeavor to create the best circumstances for their children. It is important to recognize the effort parents make to provide for their families and to understand their love for their children. It is challenging for parents to treat all their children equally when there are many of them, but as long as they remember their children, they should demonstrate consistent love for them. The way parents express their love may be imperfect and difficult for children to accept, but it is still love.

When we truly learn to face our inner selves, we will naturally see more sides to things and be able to identify an appropriate rhythm. You are very helpful in being able to perceive your emotions and problems, and you can admit and face them openly, which will facilitate their resolution.

It is evident that individuals experience happiness in different ways. Nevertheless, it is possible to attain a state of contentment within one's own modest surroundings.

Sincerely,

Hello.

Given that the questioner has come to the conclusion that "I hate myself," it takes a great deal of courage to face one's life in this way.

Then you must learn to love yourself. You have been ignored, but you can stop the cycle. Let's find the lost part of ourselves together, shall we?

1. I want to know where your bad temper comes from.

You say that at school you're always in a good mood, but when you get home, you take it out on your family.

I'd like to know whose words these words of summary are.

You said you have two younger sisters and that your parents ignored you.

You throw tantrums when you feel angry inside because you want their attention and hope they can understand how to love you.

You blame yourself and feel guilty because you have no way of making yourself feel accepted by your family.

You become increasingly restless and lash out repeatedly to calm your anxiety. You are exhausted.

You said you feel lonely. When is a person loneliest?

It is clear that people around you, including close relatives, have different values and aesthetics, which can lead to interpersonal relationship issues.

Your reaction will be influenced by what you encounter.

Your temper is triggered by your environment.

This means you have different feedback mechanisms at school and at home.

2. Maintain your self-respect.

You don't like talking about sex. You feel awkward or embarrassed when asked about this topic.

You may even feel anger towards others for asking.

We must examine the parents' marital relationship. Sex education is related to family education.

When others talk about it, you don't want to talk about it. You avoid these topics, and if this is defined as abnormal, then it is.

1) This only shows that people who think you are abnormal lack some positive care for others. They must think that their own perception is absolutely correct.

2) You have a choice. Tell your partner, in a firm but gentle tone, that you're not interested in the topic.

I will use my time to do other things.

Maintain your self-respect.

3. Interpreting "relying on ourselves" together

There is a stark contrast between people from wealthy families and the rest of us.

Wealth can be accumulated slowly by ourselves.

We can go to the library or use the internet to find any book we want.

Travel within the city and across provinces and cities when permitted by epidemic prevention and control measures.

When the pandemic is over, you should travel abroad.

You can do many things for yourself.

Don't give up. Don't worry too much.

You have to walk the path of life on your own. You can't just listen to what other people say and get to your destination.

If you're taking other people's words too seriously, it's a sign that your heart is too big. You have to make a choice. Value your relationships. Cherish the ones you hold close to your heart. Let go of the negative ones.

When your heart is more spacious, you will know how to love yourself more.

Hello. I'm Yan Shiqi, and I'm here to help you.

After reading the questioner's story, I realize that I care a lot about what other people think of me. I've started to become less like myself because of it. On the one hand, I can't stop myself from trying to please others. On the other hand, I hate this side of myself.

We all desire recognition, and this desire is not entirely about pleasing others.

Strike the right balance, and you can use the desire to be recognized to your advantage. It can help you present your positive side.

The questioner's confusion stems from a lack of understanding on how to control the degree.

As a normal person with a healthy mentality, you need to grasp this balance.

First and foremost, you cannot gain the approval of others by harming and neglecting yourself.

You don't need a lot of friends to make friends. You just need one friend with whom you can communicate sincerely.

But making friends also depends on fate. Some people just click with you. You can tell at a glance if you want to play with them.

If you're just trying to get as many friends as you can without caring about who they are, and you don't like what they're doing, but you force yourself to go talk to them anyway just to please them and become friends with them, you're doing it wrong.

This is how you please people, but it is not the way to make friends.

You have to be willing to give up some of yourself to make this friend.

Second, when it comes to parents, in a family with two or more children, it is inevitable that they will not always be able to treat everyone equally, even if they want to. The child who cries will often get more attention from their parents, as the saying goes.

Some children become mischievous and get into trouble everywhere with the aim of attracting their parents' attention and wanting to get more love. If this mischievous behavior is deliberate, it is also a kind of flattery because mischievous behavior is not their nature or their true self.

If you feel your parents aren't paying enough attention, show them your true self. Let them get to know you through your interests: communication, academic performance, or a love of reading.

Parents love their children, but they don't always understand them.

Finally, I'm going to talk about fitting in.

Birds of a feather flock together.

I don't like and don't participate in the group the original poster mentioned about sex. That's fine.

Don't do things you don't like just to fit in with a circle you don't like.

Loneliness is something that everyone has to learn and adapt to eventually. This is your test.

Everyone goes through different levels of upgrades and monsters. You can also be reborn from the flames and grow into the person you want to be.

Come on!

That's my answer. I hope it helps.

Greetings, esteemed child.

During the formative years, individuals tend to prioritize the opinions of others.

This is due to a lack of a stable self-perception.

I would be delighted to engage in further discussion with you, and it is my hope that our interaction will prove somewhat inspiring.

1. Identify one's intrinsic motivations.

In the school environment, the subject displays consistently positive affect. However, in the domestic context, the subject displays a proclivity for expressing negative affect towards their family members.

This is the most prevalent circumstance.

If the subject has two younger sisters, it is possible that they may feel that they do not receive as much attention at home.

In order to gain recognition and attention, individuals may attempt to please others outside the home, which can result in a loss of temper within the family unit.

Given that family members will never abandon you and that you are safe here, there is no need to seek favor with others.

In an academic setting, if I perceive myself to lack distinctive qualities, I attempt to gain approval and friendship by exhibiting a genial demeanor.

It is a universal human experience to have desires.

It can be reasonably assumed that all individuals possess some degree of intrinsic desire.

For example, one might aspire to a more affluent family background, improved family circumstances, and a sense of superiority.

Consequently, when there is a discrepancy between one's aspirations and the circumstances of one's reality, it is natural to conceal certain aspects of the discrepancy.

This is a typical developmental process.

This is also a means of maintaining psychological equilibrium.

However, as one matures, it becomes evident that while one cannot choose the composition of one's family, one can nevertheless determine how to interact with it.

One may engage in introspection to gain a deeper understanding of one's own thoughts and desires.

2. Attempt to examine your difficulties from a multiplicity of viewpoints.

Indeed, there are numerous individuals in one's life to whom one must endeavor to be agreeable.

However, if one feels as though they are constantly striving to satisfy the expectations of others, it can lead to the accumulation of negative emotions, which may result in instances of heightened irritability within the family unit, a sense of personal dissatisfaction, and a perception of inconsistency in one's own beliefs and actions.

It is necessary to consider this issue from a number of additional perspectives.

One might inquire as to the rationale behind the seemingly futile endeavor of attempting to satisfy the expectations of every individual.

What are the consequences of failing to do so?

The formation of positive interpersonal relationships is not contingent upon the act of attempting to please others.

However, it is not necessary to demand complete satisfaction from others.

Flattery undoubtedly plays a role in our lives, potentially facilitating access to resources, safeguarding us from harm, or assisting us in achieving our desired outcomes.

This pattern is established during early childhood.

Similarly, during one's formative years, exhibiting positive behavior was often a means of gaining parental approval.

The act of appeasement is not inherently problematic; rather, it is a method of achieving a desired outcome.

It is not feasible to attempt to satisfy all individuals consistently, as this will inevitably result in feelings of discontent.

This necessitates the courage to gradually reveal one's authentic self.

The authentic self is imbued with a vitality that surpasses the mere existence of the self.

It is important to recognise that individuals have different characteristics and attributes.

It is of the utmost importance that we affirm our own value, cultivate self-love, and support and accept ourselves unconditionally.

However, this is a challenging proposition that necessitates sustained awareness and practice over time.

This is why some individuals may appear ordinary in all respects but nevertheless exude confidence, exhibit comfort in the company of their peers, and maintain harmonious interpersonal relationships.

This is the significant capacity for self-awareness.

When an individual possesses a stable perception of themselves, is aware of their strengths and weaknesses, and is therefore less susceptible to external influences, the likelihood of being unduly influenced by the opinions of others is reduced.

The mere fact that others hold certain opinions about me does not imply that we are inherently flawed.

There is always room for improvement.

It is recommended that you take your time.

It is encouraging to note that you are aware of this and have already taken an important step.

Henceforth, it is recommended that you attempt to cultivate a sense of self-acceptance and positivity rather than self-loathing.

Should any deficiencies be identified, they can be addressed and improved upon.

Nevertheless, it is imperative to maintain the conviction that one has consistently exhibited moral rectitude.

It is no longer necessary to seek external validation of one's worth.

Should you be interested, you may wish to peruse The Terrific Self.

I wish you the best of success!