Do I need to cut off a very negative friend whom I really don't want to be friends with?

Good day, question asker. My name is Evan.

The term "friend" is open to interpretation. Some individuals may find themselves in relationships with friends whose personalities are simply incompatible, or whose natures are fundamentally different. A true friend, however, is one who is capable of stepping into the shoes of the questioner and considering the questioner's perspective. Based on the questioner's description, it is evident that the questioner and this friend are not particularly close. Nevertheless, it is crucial to ascertain whether the friend consistently directs negative emotions towards the questioner.

It is important to recognize that negative emotions can spread to others, and attempting to eliminate them can be exhausting. The question asker's friends exhibit negative behaviors, and the question asker displays similar tendencies. It is not always possible to transform negative emotions into positive ones.

The original poster is already grappling with her own negative emotions, and now she must also navigate her friend's emotional distress. This situation is emotionally taxing. To address this friendship, the original poster must exercise careful self-awareness. No external party can provide a definitive solution.

Provide the questioner with a reassuring gesture and offer encouragement. How might one ascertain the value of one's current friendships?

What is the optimal approach to maintaining a friendship? I will provide the original poster with some advice.

It would be beneficial to examine this friendship in greater detail.

There are numerous categories of friends. Some are helpful, some are ordinary, and some may even be considered false.

In the Analects, Confucius posited that there are three types of friends who are beneficial, and three types of friends who are harmful. He identified a friend who is straightforward, a friend who is forgiving, and a friend who is well-read as the latter three categories of beneficial friends.

"A friend who is fawning, obsequious, and deceitful is harmful." The meaning is that there are three kinds of friends that are beneficial, and three kinds of friends that are harmful.

It is advantageous to cultivate friendships with individuals who exemplify integrity, honesty, and knowledge. Conversely, forming alliances with those who engage in flattery, whether superficial or insincere, or those adept at persuasion through charm and rhetoric, is detrimental.

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The questioner may thus examine the relationship between themselves and their friends and consider the benefits that their friendship has brought them.

A true friend possesses a multitude of characteristics, in addition to those delineated in the Analects.

While friends may not always offer the advice one desires, they are often willing to listen when difficulties arise.

One feels relaxed in the company of friends and is able to be oneself.

Friends provide support.

Friends maintain consistent communication, not merely when they require assistance.

Friendships encompass both positive and negative experiences.

Friends are concerned about the well-being and security of their acquaintances.

One must ascertain whether friends are worth maintaining.

As previously stated, friends can be classified as either beneficial or detrimental. How, then, can one ascertain the nature of their relationship and determine its value?

It is also important to consider whether this friend is seeking something from you when you are together. A negative friendship may manifest in the following ways:

The individual may engage in discourse behind the other person's back.

The individual may attempt to utilize the subject for the purpose of ascending a specific social hierarchy.

The individual may attempt to gain proximity to another person with whom they have a connection.

Copy your homework or exploit your knowledge.

The individual may also seek to obtain information from you.

Such individuals will only approach you when they require something from you.

It is recommended that the veracity of the friendship be tested.

It is possible to ascertain the strength of a friendship by undertaking a series of probative exercises. One such exercise might be to request assistance with a task, such as moving furniture, or to seek advice and support on a personal issue.

It is important to ascertain whether the friend in question responds positively to your needs or avoids them. A true friend will offer assistance in times of trouble.

Regardless of the circumstances, a friendship is not contingent upon a particular outcome. Friends enjoy spending time together and having fun together.

When a friend is made aware of a plan and then the plan is altered, how will the friend react? For example, if a friend agrees to go to the movies but then the friend must tend to something, how will the friend react? If the friend believes that the friend is being foolish to forfeit time with the friend for someone else, then the friend should consider whether the friendship should be continued.

It is important to be mindful of the potential for jealousy to arise among friends.

On occasion, jealousy can result in the dissolution of a friendship, particularly when the individual in question is currently in a superior position. A genuine friend will overcome their initial feelings of envy and prioritize the friendship itself.

The following are indicative of jealousy: a friend who never celebrates one's academic achievements and, on occasion, instead of offering congratulations, finds fault with them; a friend who distances themselves from the individual and exudes negative energy; and a friend who, in challenging circumstances, prioritizes their own position over that of the individual.

It is advisable to maintain a certain distance.

In the event that your current friend makes you feel uncomfortable, it is often the case that she will adopt a position that is independent of yours and demand that you listen to her. In such circumstances, it may be advisable to consider maintaining a certain distance from your current best friend.

In the event that the other person consistently leverages the friendship to request certain actions, an effective response might be to politely decline, citing current academic commitments and a desire to prioritize studies. Rejecting some of the friend's unreasonable requests in a tactful manner could also be an option.

In the event that one's current relationship with a friend is causing distress, it may be beneficial to reduce contact with that individual. This can provide a sense of personal space, prevent involvement in unnecessary conflicts, and avoid the potential pressure that such conflicts may exert on one's own well-being. It is important to avoid either ignoring or avoiding communication with the friend in question.

Such behavior is highly immature and may result in the disgruntled friend becoming angry with the individual and engaging in gossip about them in front of mutual friends.

It is often the case that we are unable to ascertain the thoughts and feelings of others. However, we can take control of our own actions by spending more time with those who bring us happiness, relaxation, and tolerance. Ultimately, the decision to continue or terminate a friendship is up to the individual in question. While forming a friendship is not a simple process, ending it should not be taken lightly.

One may only terminate the friendship when it is evident that the other person is a hypocrite.

It is my hope that this response is of some assistance.

Dear Question Asker, From your text, I understand that you feel helpless. Perhaps it is because you are too kindhearted that you don't want to hurt yourself while refusing others. I empathize with your situation and want to offer my support.

I would like to extend a friendly gesture in the form of a hug.

Firstly, it is important to understand that a work relationship does not necessarily equate to a friendship. Similarly, having common interests does not necessarily imply a friendship.

Friends should be able to confide in each other as equals, not just as partners in a mutual assistance and reciprocity relationship, but as individuals with a spiritual connection. I am unsure if this is the response you were looking for.

Secondly, you mentioned that you had formed a friendship while hospitalized for depression. However, following your discharge, you discovered that she had a markedly negative outlook. You expressed a preference for solitude and a lack of interest in social activities. It is evident that there are discrepancies in your perspectives. This may be attributed to your differing personalities. You tend to gravitate towards solitude, while she is more outgoing and enjoys social interaction.

How should one respond to an unfriendly provocation?

A prudent individual will choose to respond to conflict with words rather than actions. Those with high emotional intelligence are able to transform hostile interactions into peaceful ones. When faced with unfriendly provocation from others, it is essential to maintain composure and elegance while seeking a peaceful resolution.

It is advisable to avoid conflict.

The most effective response is to listen. In any disagreement, there are three typical mindsets: one is to convince the other, one is to vent emotions, and the other is to satisfy the desire to express oneself.

What is her actual objective?

Do not make arbitrary judgments or assumptions about the other person. Instead, provide guidance in a gentle manner to ensure they can express themselves fully. Our objective is to resolve issues, not to create conflict.

Express yourself accurately.

Prior to a potential conflict, it is essential to consider the following three questions:

1. What is the key message I want to convey?

2. What is the desired outcome?

3. What arguments can be used to support my topic and help me achieve the desired result?

If you can answer these three questions clearly, you will be better able to express yourself accurately.

There is a well-known saying in the United States: "When someone attempts to offer you something and you decline, the result is that the offer is ultimately accepted by someone else. The person who made the offer had the goal of persuading you, and when you rejected their proposal, they achieved that goal."

Express your anger in a professional and appropriate manner.

When you express anger appropriately, your colleagues will understand that you are upset when they deliberately provoke your sensitive areas. They will also be aware of the difficulties you cause when you get along, and be able to grasp the principles and essential aspects of your relationship with them.

Finally, cultivate a network of individuals who exude positive energy. Prioritize self-love to foster genuine, authentic connections with others.

Genuine love is not indiscriminate giving, nor is it impulsive commitment. It is prudent assessment, cautious selection, and initial consideration of one's own feelings, happiness, and satisfaction before extending love to others.

Hello, I hope you're well.

It's great to have a friend who's important to you.

You say she's a good friend and that you're important to her. But how do you feel about her?

Is she important to you on a personal level?

Emotional account

From what you've written, it's clear you've spent a lot of time describing the conflicts between you and how difficult it is to get along.

American psychologist Willard Harley once suggested that in a relationship, especially an intimate one, the relationship between two people is like running a bank account.

When your relationship and personal states are relatively good, you'll give each other more love and support, just like making deposits into your account and adding nutrients like comfort, appreciation, and understanding.

If your relationship and personal states are not great, you'll probably end up demanding things from the other person. If they don't give you what you want, you'll end up in a conflict or argument. It's like withdrawing money from your account. You'll deplete the nutrients you've already put in there through criticism, blame, misunderstanding, neglect, and quarrels.

Your emotional account is just like a bank account, constantly depositing and withdrawing. If you want to manage your emotional account well, you need to pour more love into it. If you want to avoid bankruptcy, you need to be able to handle your needs in a better way and reduce conflicts. You cannot keep running up debt in your account without the ability to repay it, otherwise your relationship will be completely shattered with the bankruptcy of your emotional account.

Based on what we've discussed, it seems like you're spending more and saving less. Have you thought about recalling some of the beautiful moments you've spent together and doing things together that will make both of you happy?

How do you handle conflict in a relationship?

The relationships we have with different people are like mirrors that help us understand ourselves better.

We form relationships with others because we can meet our needs in these relationships. Conflicts arise when we don't understand each other's needs.

Dealing with relationship issues is really about meeting needs.

Your partner wants to talk to you every day, which shows that they have a need to confide and share. They also want to play games with you, which shows that they crave companionship and intimacy. At the same time, I can see that you need your partner to understand your thoughts. You've tried to communicate and explain, but it doesn't seem to be going well.

I'd highly recommend that the questioner read and study "Nonviolent Communication" in terms of communication. Right communication can achieve twice the result with half the effort and is applicable to all kinds of relationships.

It's important to set boundaries in a relationship. If you can't meet your partner's needs but don't want to damage the relationship, a little white lie is sometimes the best way to go. The most important thing is to learn to meet your own needs and your partner's needs in a reasonable way. This helps you achieve a state of relative balance, which is conducive to a long-term relationship.

I'm reading the words, "The world and I love you," and I appreciate you taking the time to read them!

Hello, host!

From what you've told me, it's clear that you're in a relationship where your emotions are being hijacked and a barrage of negative emotions are overwhelming you, which is causing you a lot of pain. You don't want to hurt your friend by rejecting her too much, but you're also worried that you'll be affected by these negative emotions and become unhappy and irritable. You need to escape from this painful state.

I'm going to tell you how to deal with negative emotions. I hope this helps.

If you spend a lot of time with a negative person,

Determine whether the other person is a negative personality.

You must determine whether the other person is really negative or just having a particularly bad time recently when dealing with a negative person for a long time.

A negative person will have at least one of the following three characteristics:

They fear not being respected.

They fear not being loved.

They fear something bad will happen.

Negative people are quick to blame external factors, but they rarely consider their own role in the situation.

2. Act. Don't just react.

Be kind to a negative person in small ways without getting into deep, complex conversations. It's good for you and them.

Remind the other person of the good things. This will make them feel noticed and put them in a good mood.

Do small, warm gestures like doing the housework, inviting someone to the movies, or going for a walk.

3. Take responsibility for your own happiness.

Our social nature means that our happiness often depends on how well we get along with the people around us. However, you are the only one who can be responsible for your own positive energy and happiness.

You must control your emotions and not let them fluctuate with the situation if you want to stay happy no matter what the circumstances. Remind yourself of the positive things in life and stay optimistic.

Managing your emotions is like building muscle. You must practice regularly in real-life situations, such as when dealing with negative people.

4. Cut off contact with the other person.

If the other person is making you feel bad or your relationship is empty and mutually torturous, it's time to leave.

You must consider the pros and cons of ending your relationship with this person. They may have many mutual friends or may be your leader, for example.

If you can't avoid them completely, avoid encounters. You are responsible for yourself.

You are in control of your time and energy. Don't allow anyone to waste it, especially not by using bad emotions to push out your positive energy.

This is just a reference. Have fun!

Hello, I'm Flower.

Let me quote the original words of the questioner. Let's discuss this step by step. Let's identify the crux of the problem. Let's share new ideas and approaches. Let's give examples. And finally, let's show some love to the world.

From the questioner's words, I can see the questioner's worries. If I were in the questioner's shoes, I would have done as well as the questioner. Despite feeling like their energy is running out, the questioner is still shining light on others. However, our feelings are also very important.

The main question is whether to break off with a friend. I have identified the key to the problem:

The friend the questioner met while hospitalized is one that the questioner treasures.

The friend is always forcing the questioner into things the questioner doesn't want to do, which is infuriating.

Friends always turn to the questioner for advice, and the questioner feels sad after receiving negative emotions.

This may seem like a problem of interpersonal relationship management, but it also hides many doubts in the questioner's own heart. I have some ideas to share with the questioner:

Learn to say no to others.

I'll give you an example. For a while, I was in a constant state of low mood. A friend was always by my side, complaining about the unhappiness she encountered.

I told him very clearly that I was not in a good mood and could not accept his negative emotions. After that, he stopped venting with me.

I don't feel guilty about this. In fact, I feel like I'm protecting myself and setting boundaries in my relationships. I haven't hurt the other person. I've just made it clear that at this time I need rest and quiet.

The original poster should communicate with their friend. Tell them about the unhappiness, sadness, and grievances you feel when communicating with them. Make it clear that you are affected by their negative emotions.

I learned a gentle but firm way to refuse others the other day, and I'm going to share it with you.

First, lower the other person's expectations.

Make it clear that you cannot accept so much negative emotion.

② Lower your own position.

Set up external obstacles.

Tell the other person that you have a lot of other pressing matters and that you can't hang out with them for the time being.

You can refuse someone without rejecting the relationship.

Your needs are important too.

Helping others does not necessarily help the relationship.

It ruined my mood. I was drained after talking to her. I don't want to be friends with her. I should break off contact.

Take care of your own feelings.

The feelings of the other person are important, but so are our own. We must not force ourselves to stay unhappy when we are unhappy.

When we find that our energy is running out, we stop, rest, and replenish our energy. When we find that we don't want to be friends with the other person, we refuse the other person's request—tactfully or directly. As for whether or not to cut off ties, we think about it and consider what the reasons are for wanting to cut off ties.

I want to know why you don't want to break up. And I want to know if your reasons for wanting to break up are set in stone.

The questioner can feel these thoughts, follow their heart, and make a choice.

Seeking help is the right thing to do.

We can and should actively move closer to positivity. It's important to recognize that the negative emotions of our friends may also trigger some of our negative memories. At this time, we must also digest these negative things. We can and should seek help from our parents, friends, or a psychological counselor.

You must allow yourself to grow slowly. First, move closer to the positive. When you have the energy, you can help others with their negativity.

I am confident that the above sharing will be helpful to the questioner, and I wish you well.

Good day, classmate. In light of the confusion you are currently experiencing, I extend my support and encouragement in the form of a comforting embrace.

You are currently experiencing some interpersonal difficulties. I offer you my support and encouragement in the form of another warm embrace.

One might inquire as to the motivation behind this negative friend's desire to establish a friendship with you.

This is because you become a receptacle for her emotions each time she seeks to express herself.

However, you have previously suffered from depression and have been hospitalised as a result. Consequently, your emotions are highly sensitive.

However, you are particularly vulnerable to the negative emotions of this individual.

What, then, is the appropriate course of action for the student in this situation?

In the event of further disturbances from this associate, it would be advisable to take the opportunity to inform her that you have pressing business and then to take your leave.

In the event that the individual in question persists in pursuing you, it would be advisable to continue ignoring them.

Should she fail to comprehend the message, the next time she approaches you, turn and walk away.

Furthermore, it is imperative to demonstrate greater resolve. In instances where the individual in question persists in maintaining proximity, it is essential to disengage.

With the passage of time, she will come to understand that you do not desire a friendship with her and will consequently maintain a certain distance.

It is my sincere hope that you will be able to identify an effective solution to the problem you are facing in the near future.

At this juncture, I am only able to offer the aforementioned suggestions.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned responses prove both helpful and inspiring to you. I am, in fact, the answer, and I study assiduously each and every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and wish you the best.

Hello, host!

I understand how you feel. We all have different temperaments and express our emotions differently.

Some people are full of energy all the time, while others are sullen all day long.

It's a big test to let someone who doesn't like to talk go out and express their feelings.

Some people are proactive and expressive.

If you spend too much time with someone who is full of negative emotions, you will be influenced.

Maintain a certain distance and adjust your emotions first.

Don't let negative emotions affect you. Become the master of your emotions.

Listen to your friend's complaints. You will not be affected by the other person's emotions.

Listening to others is a way to help them.

We may not be strong or powerful enough to offer specific solutions at the moment, but

Being a good listener is also a way to help.

Helping others is only possible if we are capable and energetic enough to do so.

Strengthen your inner self. You are influenced by your friends because you lack inner energy.

You can't just bring a friend from a negative mood to a positive one.

If you're not able to help, there's no need to force yourself. First, consider your own feelings.

Tell your friends, "I'm sorry, but I can't help you completely. You need to find a professional counselor or an older person to help you."

I wish you a happy life!

I say, warm June, the world and I love you!

Hi, I'm Yi Ya Shu, a Heart Explorer coach, and I'd be happy to help you work through this issue.

From what you've said, I can tell you're feeling pretty stressed. It seems like you have a friend who's always complaining, but you don't have the energy to deal with her negativity or the confidence to say no.

So, we need to ask ourselves, why can't I say no to her?

When we don't like someone's behavior, we can refuse it. As long as you're firm enough, no one can keep pestering you. So, we need to look inward and see why we can't refuse. Are we worried about something inside?

For instance, I used to have a friend who liked to go shopping with me. Every time we went shopping, I would accompany her as she picked out clothes. Over time, I felt like I was wasting my time, but every time she asked me out, I still went out with her. I was actually resentful in my heart, feeling aggrieved and unwilling. Even though I was a little dissatisfied, I still couldn't refuse very decisively. So I asked myself, "Why don't I refuse her when I feel so uncomfortable?"

Later on, I realized that I was afraid of becoming a bad person if I rejected her. I also thought that we had once had a good friendship and that rejecting her would destroy our friendship, make her dislike me, and ultimately end the relationship.

I'd like to circle back to the original poster's situation. Is it possible that the original poster also has the same kind of trouble as I do?

Maybe you're still worried about the friendship you had during your last hospital stay. After all, when you were both feeling really low, you supported and helped each other. So you're concerned about the old friendship and don't want to damage the relationship. You're afraid that if you make it clear more completely, the other person will feel hurt, and in the end you'll lose the relationship.

It's important for the questioner to understand that a healthy and lasting relationship requires both parties to have certain boundaries. It can't be sustained by depleting the other party. If you don't firmly reject some of her actions, you'll only end up hurting yourself. So, you can explain the matter to your friend without being hostile.

You need to tell her in no uncertain terms that you can't take her negative energy anymore. You can only accept so much, and you can't take her all. When she violates your boundaries again, give her a warning. Remember that attitude is important. Be firm, but don't come across as hostile. This firm belief can be captured by the other party.

If she doesn't respect these boundaries and keeps disrespecting you, you need to move on from her. Otherwise, it'll just drain your energy.

That's all for today. I hope you found it helpful.

You mentioned that you made a friend while you were in the hospital after being diagnosed with depression. However, after you were discharged, you found that she is very negative, and she always vents her negative emotions on you. You are also a relatively negative person yourself, and every time you counsel her, you feel like you're about to collapse, as if all your energy has been used up. You really don't want to be friends with her anymore. Should you break off the friendship?

You can even ask yourself how you feel. There are three main things to think about when deciding if a relationship is a good match.

First, does this relationship nourish and complete each other, or does it consume and deprive? In this relationship, you've been giving all the time, and she's been taking. You feel consumed, broken, and your energy is completely used up. That's why you say it's a mismatch.

Second, how do you see the future of this relationship? Do you want to continue it, or are you uncertain? You said that you made friends with her while you were in the hospital, but after you were discharged, you found that she was very pessimistic, and you really didn't want to be friends with her anymore. This shows that this relationship is time-limited for you. She was only a friend of yours while you were in the hospital, and the relationship ended after you were discharged.

Third, do you feel respected in this relationship? From what you've told me, it seems like you don't. She doesn't respect your feelings, and you don't respect your own. Sacrificing yourself to enlighten her doesn't actually respect her either. It seems like she is very weak and needs your help.

If you feel drained in this relationship, if you don't want to be friends with her anymore, or if you feel devastated, you can honestly tell her how you feel. You can also ask yourself whether you should break off the friendship and respect your own feelings.

It's important to accept what's acceptable and reject what's not. Make yourself comfortable first, then make others comfortable. This is the secret to getting along with anyone.

I'm rooting for you! Best of luck!