Do you always look for problems in yourself and feel that you shouldn't be happy?

A classmate of yours who initially had lower grades than you did started to say nasty things about you behind your back after you surpassed her. At first you didn't care, but you started to take notice of these words and you were afraid to improve yourself for fear of upsetting people. You always felt a lot of guilt, and even thought about "unfair competition." You also encountered someone who hurt you, but you didn't dare to fight back because you thought about whether fighting back would also hurt other people.

You are a kind person who cares about others' emotions. You are soft-hearted. You have likely suffered, felt anxious, helpless, and guilty recently. I want to give you a warm hug.

You should be proud of yourself for improving through your own hard work and achievements.

It is a simple fact that some people will naturally improve while others will regress because of class rankings or scores. This is normal mathematical logic. As long as the results are not obtained through improper means, such as cheating on exams, they are worthy of encouragement and praise.

Let's talk about what she said that made you think in a stereotypical way.

You initially ignored her actions but gradually became convinced by her logic and began to doubt yourself. I'm unaware of any other developments, such as a third party or a classmate siding with her, or you being isolated by your peers. I recognise her behaviour as a form of cold violence. The crowd is like molten gold, and you're powerless to defend yourself. You can't attack outwardly, so you turn the attack inward and begin to doubt yourself.

Your journey to becoming better has no impact on others. They make their own choices. Some may find your story inspiring and start working hard. Others may take your story seriously and give up. But remember, other people's lives are their own choices. They have nothing to do with you or whether you become better.

Next, we will address the point you raised about "fair competition."

Let me be clear: there is no absolute fairness in the world. There is only relative fairness. Take, for example, people born with disabilities. It is very unfair to them. They must take a different path from others since childhood. But this cannot be regarded as unfair competition.

Let me give you another example. Some parents buy a house in a school district so they can send their children to a good school. Some children go to schools for migrant workers' children. This may seem unfair. But even in a school district, even with the same teacher in the same class, there are students with good grades and students with poor grades. It seems everyone has the same "fair" conditions, so how come the results are different?

The so-called results are actually composed of many factors, such as resources, attitude, mentality, etc.

This is an era of resources, and everyone can have access to them. The key is being able to access and utilize resources. For example, with the same teacher, students who are good at utilizing the teacher's resources will ask the teacher questions after class to answer their own questions, whether it is about school content or about expanding outside the school.

You can't define a level playing field by whether you can afford supplementary books.

I understand you are sad and upset, and I know there are several reasons for this.

1) Her words and actions have had a significant impact on your social interactions. I assume there are other classmates who have also made comments about you.

2) Her words and deeds have made you doubt your own life and made you feel like you don't deserve to have what she has and can't have what she has.

My child, you have been bullied at school, mentally. I have two suggestions for you.

Tell your parents about the situation and ask them to talk to the teacher. Make it clear that you want the teacher to help clarify your situation, pay attention to students' mental health education, and relieve some of your mental pressure.

You also need to change your perception, apart from 1) the outside world.

It is a simple fact that nobody can be influenced by others unless it is their own fault. Nobody can force someone to accept the influence of another person if they are not willing to do so. Therefore, the core reason does not lie in the party exerting influence, but in the party being influenced.

Absolute fairness doesn't exist. What does exist is relative fairness.

You have the right to use the resources you can access: both people and money. This is your freedom, and no one else can intervene except the parents of a minor.

You are kind, and you know it. Don't sweat the small stuff. Stand tall and protect yourself. Make the most of the resources at your parents' and teachers' disposal.

So, the conclusion is that "look for the problem within yourself" is not the best way to think.

In Chinese family education, there's a saying that's super common: "Always look for the problem in yourself."

The first step is to be aware of yourself. It's so important to reflect on your own thoughts and behaviors. By doing so, you can make positive changes in your life.

However, the expression "in everything" is obviously a bit extreme, and in real life, it often becomes a reason to deny right and wrong.

It's so interesting how "everything" or "anyway" often appear in Chinese contexts! For example, when Chinese people advise someone not to be too extreme, they will say, "Everything has both good and bad sides." This is of course true, but isn't "everything" the most extreme way of putting it?

When it comes to "some good, some bad," it's so important to consider the needs of the person involved.

In Chinese life, when someone says "there are good things and bad things," they're really focusing on the "bad things," and even making them seem like the whole picture, to counter the other person's opinion.

And the same goes for "always look for the problem in yourself." We've all been there! The context of this sentence is inevitably a bit exasperated most of the time.

It's actually called "attribution," which is just a fancy way of saying that we analyze our own behavior and figure out why we did what we did.

It's important to remember that this process of analyzing our own behavior and understanding why things happen is called "attribution." The attribution patterns we talked about earlier, from the parents' perspective, are all "internal attribution" of failures and "external attribution" of successes.

Let's dive a little deeper into Abelson's attribution style theory. This fascinating theory divides attribution into three dimensions:

Extroversion/Introversion: This is all about whether the things that affect our behavior come from inside us or from the outside world.

Stability: This is all about those reliable, steady factors that come up again and again and don't change much over time. On the other hand, we've got the ever-changing, ever-shifting factors that pop up now and then but don't stick around for long.

Global or local: Global factors can be used in lots of different situations, while local factors are more specific.

The "depressive attribution style" is a way of thinking that sees success as coming from outside ourselves and failure as coming from inside.

The lovely folks at Peterson and Seligman discovered something pretty interesting. It seems that folks with a depressive attribution style

1. It can affect the individual's immune system, which is a bit like how stress can affect us.

2. They might not be the best at problem-solving, which can sometimes lead to feeling a bit overwhelmed.

3. They often neglect their health and lack proper nutrition, sleep, and exercise. We all need to take care of ourselves!

4. They tend to be a bit more passive when it comes to illness, and might not actively seek help as much as they could.

On top of that, this can also make the person feel bad about themselves. If they think that every failure is because they didn't try hard enough, and every accident is because they weren't careful enough, then over time, those "possible" causes will become their "solid" self-evaluation. This can make them increasingly come to believe that they are just a lazy and careless person, which is definitely not true!

It also keeps individuals in a state of stress and anxiety for a long time. When they tend to attribute everything to themselves, they take on all the responsibility to avoid bad things happening in their lives. They become more and more cautious, fearing that they will make a mistake.

Many folks out there believe that if they just don't stir up trouble, nothing bad will ever happen to them. But if something does happen, they think it's their fault. It's a pretty silly idea, don't you think?

If you choose to give in, it can make it harder for people to exist and easier for bad things to happen.

If you're used to protecting yourself by giving up your rights, you might find that you're actually unable to protect yourself. And if you're used to finding the problem in yourself, you might realize that the problems you find are just excuses to justify evil.

And when you can no longer find any problems, it means that evil can do whatever it wants.

Hello, question asker. Your question is complicated, but let's figure it out together!

You don't need to feel bad about being happy. You have the right to be happy.

You're caught in a downward spiral of guilt. You pay too much attention to others' emotions and demand too much of yourself.

You wonder if becoming better will make others unhappy. But it's not your fault if they're unhappy.

The truly strong are not those who never make mistakes. They are those who can face their mistakes and learn from them.

If you make someone unhappy, it's not the end of the world. What matters is how you face it.

Let me tell you a story.

I have a friend who, like you, used to worry that her success would make others unhappy. But then she realized that her success was earned through her own hard work.

She started pursuing her dreams and stopped worrying about what others thought. Now she's happy.

Your success is yours. Don't pay for other people's emotions.

Believe in yourself and pursue happiness.

Everyone has their own perspective and experiences, which affect our thinking and behavior.

You don't have to think like other people or find reasons for them. Trust your judgment and make the best choice for you.

I hope this helps. I hope my words inspire you.

Hello, question asker!

Your classmates gossiped about you behind your back, and it seems that you've become doubtful about all the advantages you have and afraid to take advantage of them. You always feel that this will create unfairness and make you immoral.

You are kind, but your kindness may not be understood by others. They will not appreciate you just because you have poor grades, nor will they think you are kind just because you don't buy reference books. You are trapped by your own thoughts, and you have put a yoke on yourself.

It's normal to feel jealous of others. If you're not envied, you're doing mediocre.

If you let others' envy make you mediocre, you're only suppressing yourself to satisfy their needs. But once you become mediocre, they won't envy you—they'll look down on you.

Let me be clear: other people's attitudes are often like this. They can be jealous, hateful, belittling, and so on. But if you lose yourself because of other people's opinions, that may not be what you really want.

Don't change yourself because of other people's opinions. Your good qualities will bring you happiness and the life you want.

Your shortcomings not only fail to please others, but they also make you lose more things, including your self. If you lose your self, you will be led by others, and you will not feel happy. You may even lose yourself.

Go after what you want if you have the ability, and go after your ideals and aspirations if you have the family conditions. Don't waste your time trying to satisfy the needs of others. If they get bad grades, it's because they don't work hard. If they don't have extracurricular books, it's something their parents should consider, not you.

Meanwhile, if you do this to yourself and don't become the best version of yourself, your parents will only feel sad for you. And as for other people, they won't be happy for your misfortune; they'll just mock you. You don't need them in your life. Only you can be worthy of your life.

I am confident you will find this information useful. Best regards!

Good day, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing, and I extend my support to you.

The issue you are currently facing may be related to your inner child.

This may be related to your own experiences during your childhood.

It is possible that at that time, every time you had a positive experience, your mother would display impatience and reprimand you.

Consequently, from that point forward, you will subconsciously believe that it is inappropriate to be happy.

Your own happiness can have a negative impact on the happiness of others.

Naturally, you can see the flaws in this line of thinking, which is why you have come to this platform to seek guidance. This is an excellent first step.

There is a well-known saying in psychology: "Seeing is healing."

It is often the case that self-awareness is the first step towards healing.

Should you notice the thought that you are undeserving of happiness resurfacing, you may wish to remind yourself that the inner child is present.

As an adult, I have developed into a different person from the child I once was.

For instance, you are taller and stronger than you were as a child, and you are also more powerful internally.

If you are currently experiencing distress, you have the option to take action to address it.

You are now aware that you have reached adulthood and are entitled to pursue your own happiness.

If necessary, I recommend seeking the assistance of a professional counselor.

A counselor can provide more effective assistance in addressing the "inner child" aspect.

If you are interested, I recommend reading the book Embracing the Inner Child.

I hope that the issue you are currently experiencing can be resolved as soon as possible.

That is all I can contribute at this time.

I hope my response is helpful and inspiring. I am the individual responsible for providing answers, and I study diligently on a daily basis.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and your loved ones.

Thank you for your interest in our company.

Reply to the question:

Reading this question is also a form of cognitive change, influenced by external thoughts. Therefore, it would be beneficial to consider implementing a change in this individual's behaviour.

On a positive note, it is worthwhile to offer encouragement and praise.

The individual in question has undergone a significant transformation as a result of their dedication to hard work. They have not only surpassed their own expectations but have also gained a new lease on life.

Secondly, upon making progress, it becomes evident that external influences have played a role in this achievement. In essence, one's trajectory has deviated from the intended course.

Third, you believe that progress is incorrect, that the other person is unfortunate, and that you are responsible for the other person's lack of progress.

The original poster's question is: What should I do?

Please find below some suggestions for your reference.

First, consider forming a team with classmates who share your commitment to excellence and learning agility. This can help you maintain your positive habits and achieve your academic goals.

Secondly, it is important to provide yourself with positive reinforcement for your exemplary performance. Document your learning habits and clearly delineate the ways in which you have enhanced your abilities, allowing your strengths to be fully utilized.

Third, address the following misconceptions: 1. Alter your perception that "if you change for the better, you will affect others." Instead, focus on positive change!

"If you become better, others won't be happy." A true friend is one who is happy for you when you become better. If you are friends, you can also discuss the situation openly: "Why isn't she happy when you become better?"

Fourth, role model: the title mentions that the other party is in a disadvantaged position and that her family circumstances are not as favourable as mine. I suggest that you read the case study of Teacher Zhang Guimei, who has helped 1,804 girls from rural areas to attend university over the past 12 years. These children come from very poor families, and their hardware and software conditions for going to school are not comparable to those of city children. They have all passed the undergraduate entrance exam, with a 100% rate of going on to higher education!

As a fifth option, requesting assistance from parents and teachers can facilitate resolution.

"I am reluctant to defend myself when I am mistreated, and I am fearful of causing harm to others." This is an example of self-blame. If this situation has been ongoing for an extended period and is negatively impacting your studies, it is advisable to seek assistance from your parents or educators in order to overcome your internal confusion.

If you require assistance, please contact a counselor. Mr. Yue Xiaodong's book, "The Feeling of Climbing to the Sky," also addresses similar self-blame and was effectively resolved through counseling. We encourage you to find a professional counselor in your area who can provide guidance and support in overcoming your current challenges.

There are additional positive aspects to the learning process. I wish you the best of luck in overcoming obstacles and reaching new heights!

There is an individual who has consistently exhibited jealousy towards me. Due to my initial underperformance in the class, which I subsequently improved upon through dedication, this individual has developed a resentment towards me. This individual has a tendency to disparage me behind my back, particularly regarding my independent study habits. Initially, I did not concern myself with such remarks. However, as I continued to excel, I began to internalize this individual's negative perceptions. This affected my mindset and performance, which in turn influenced the perceptions of others. Gradually, I became reluctant to pursue further growth and improvement, as I feared it would lead to unhappiness. This individual's family circumstances are not as privileged as mine, and they tend to portray themselves as disadvantaged. I often question whether I have done something wrong. For instance, when I receive a positive outcome, my immediate reaction is one of apprehension. If this individual does not possess the same outcome, will their lack of experience lead to unhappiness? During the holidays, I have the opportunity to attend a specialized learning program to gain knowledge in areas I am unfamiliar with and purchase reference materials. If this individual cannot afford these resources, am I unfairly competing with them?

In summary, it is simple to associate everything, but I never took anything from her from beginning to end. Everything I have is something I have achieved through hard work and what I already had. However, I often find reasons for her, as if I cannot be fortunate if she is unfortunate, as if I have caused her distress. This causes me significant distress, and I always feel guilty, so I dare not be happy and carefree. Furthermore, the more I think about it, the more unusual it becomes. I am hurt by someone's actions, but I am unable to fight back. I always think that if I make them feel uncomfortable after fighting back, I am causing distress to someone else. This causes me significant distress. I am always afraid that I will not perform well and cause them distress, so I am unable to take any action. I feel very distressed. What should I do?

It's totally understandable to feel afraid that if you don't do a good job, it will make them unhappy and you'll feel bad about it. You're not alone in this! I'm here to give you a hug and support you through it.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're having a tough time in your relationships with other people. It's so sad when we're treated unfairly, especially when it happens over and over again. It's also really hard to build good relationships when we're too nice and don't stand up for ourselves.

There's a term in psychology called "identification with the attacker." When you identify with the attacker, it can be really hard to know what you need and what the other person needs. So, you put the other person's needs first and ignore your own feelings. It's totally normal to feel uncomfortable!

And there are boundaries between people, and we will feel very uncomfortable when our boundaries are violated. You have worked hard to achieve good results, you have not hurt anyone, and you should not be treated unfairly. I know you've put in a lot of hard work and I'm proud of you for that!

So, it's really important to understand that other people are responsible for your discomfort, and that their discomfort is their own responsibility and has nothing to do with you. There's a lovely song that expresses this sentiment as well: "When friends come over, there's good wine. If the jackal comes, it's greeted with a shotgun!"

I'm not telling you to get a shotgun! I just want you to know that we all need to look out for ourselves and be confident in our abilities. It's natural to be nervous about doing a good job and making people happy, but try not to let that stop you.

"

Good day,

I understand that you feel that when you surpass others in competition, they may become jealous and make you feel uneasy. Over time, this could lead to a fear of being better than others.

It's important to recognize that competition is a natural part of life. Those who are not as successful may feel envious or may even appear weak or pitiful. These are all ways of coping with the challenges we face.

In any case, it seems that you did not violate any rules. You gained the lead through normal efforts and fair competition, which is perfectly acceptable. You have that right, and you have that ability.

"In any case, it's easy to associate everything, but I never took anything from her from beginning to end. What I have is what I have through hard work and what I already had. However, I often find reasons for her, as if I can't be lucky if she is unlucky, as if I have hurt her. This makes me very distressed, and I always feel guilty, so I dare not be happy and carefree from now on."

From what you wrote, it seems that the first part is true. It appears that you did not take anything from him, and that you achieved it through hard work.

I do, however, find the latter part somewhat unusual. It seems as though you always find reasons for him and feel that you may have hurt him. Could I ask you why that might be?

Perhaps it would be helpful to think about this carefully. This part seems to be more of your internal activity. Have you had a chance to verify it with the other person? Is there a possibility that the other person might be hurt?

"Also because of this, the more I think about it, the more I wonder: someone hurts me but I dare not fight back. I always think that if I fight back, I will make them feel uncomfortable, and I will be hurting someone else. This makes me very distressed." Here, you are more talking about your inner thoughts and your imagination. Perhaps it would be helpful to check with the other person.

Once you have a chance to connect with the other person and gain a deeper understanding of their perspective, it will be easier to assess the situation and potentially uncover new insights.

When there is no deep relationship, one may find themselves staying in their own world, with a sense of omnipotence that could be perceived as narcissistic. It's as if this ability is very powerful, and if one is not careful, one may inadvertently hurt others. Is this perhaps the feeling?

This is a complex issue that requires careful attention. You may wish to consider seeking the guidance of a professional psychological counselor or consultant.

Hello, I'm Rufeng, and I'm here to give you a warm hug. From your question, I can see that you're going through a tough time. It seems like you're worried about making others unhappy and feeling like you can't live a good life. You're hoping to find a way to take control of your own state and not be influenced by others. You haven't hurt anyone, but you're being affected by things around you. You're eager to understand why this is happening, so let's work through it together. I hope my insights can give you some inspiration.

It's totally normal to have these kinds of thoughts and feelings. It's just your subconscious mind at work.

The questioner said, "I always find excuses for her, as if I can't be lucky if she's not, as if I've hurt her. This makes me very distressed, and I always feel guilty, so I dare not be happy." This makes me realize that the questioner didn't start thinking this way because of this classmate; she probably had these thoughts before, but they were either in the subconscious or ignored. The questioner can think about it carefully: is there someone in her family who makes her feel the same way?

This student is like a mirror that shows you some of your innermost thoughts: "It seems that if she is unhappy, I cannot be happy. It seems that I have hurt her, and this makes me very distressed." From the description, it can be seen that this person is someone you love, and you care about her thoughts and feelings. So when she is unhappy, you don't want to be happy either. This is something you can think about more deeply together.

Take a moment to see yourself.

The questioner said, "The more I think about it, the stranger it gets. Someone hurts me, but I'm just so worried about making them feel uncomfortable. I'm always afraid that I won't do a good enough job to make them happy, so I just don't know what to do." It's so great that you're thinking about this! It shows that you have your own ideas and the ability to protect yourself. I think this is very good, and it means you are seeing yourself and are on the path of self-exploration.

It's totally normal to focus on other people and consider their needs. We all do it! But when we do, we can lose sight of ourselves. It's time to get your center of gravity back and return to yourself. Think about what you need for yourself, what can protect you.

It's time to focus your attention back on yourself, on your interests, and on your needs.

Different

The wonderful thing about the world is that everyone has their own thoughts and likes and dislikes. We can't please everyone, but we can get to know ourselves and do what makes us happy. I think the questioner has this ability too. They mentioned at the beginning that they got good grades through their own efforts, which shows that they have what it takes!

On top of all that, your family is super supportive because you can take extra courses and buy all kinds of helpful materials during the holidays.

Boundary

Sometimes, when we can't tell the difference between our own thoughts and those of others, it's helpful to create a little safe space for ourselves. This is our own personal bubble, a place that's just for us. When we're in this space, we feel safe and protected. If we take the time to create this space for ourselves, we'll be able to distinguish between our own thoughts and those of others. This way, we won't be influenced by the thoughts of others.

Just look at yourself, love yourself, the world, and I love you!

Good evening, classmate, I am Sister Super from Yixinli.

It is evident that you have invested significant effort and demonstrated remarkable intelligence in transforming your academic performance from initially poor to now being the subject of admiration by others.

I am confident that you are aware that it is challenging to alter the behavior of others. However, we have the authority and capacity to modify our own actions.

I believe you are also a source of joy for your parents and often bring happiness to those around you.

Your sense of guilt may originate from your subconscious mind, which may lead you to believe that you are responsible for bringing happiness to those around you and that you can influence others' happiness. You may unconsciously assume a role of a savior and feel responsible for others' happiness.

In such instances, it is common for individuals to experience feelings of guilt, as if the situation were their responsibility.

At this juncture, it would be prudent to pause and consider whether you are truly at fault.

Have you made any derogatory remarks about her? Have you engaged in any form of aggressive or abusive behavior towards her?

Has any material harm been caused to her?

If the answer is no to all of these questions, then you are not responsible for his emotions. We are all individuals, and we all have our own life issues to resolve. For example, I am afraid of death and being judged by others. These fears are something I need to deal with on my own. I cannot hold the people who judge me responsible.

The same is true of your classmate. She is suffering because you have surpassed her. This is because she lacks confidence and feels insecure. She needs to develop and change herself, otherwise even without you, there will be other people who surpass her. Therefore, it is not your responsibility to ensure her happiness.

It is important to recognize that the majority of us are ordinary individuals, and it is not realistic to expect that we can make everyone happy. We have a responsibility to prioritize our own well-being and to become stronger and more resilient. Once we have done so, we will have the capacity to make informed decisions about our relationships and our actions.

What is your identity? What are your characteristics?

Ultimately, it is up to you to decide your own course of action. While others may have a different perspective and label you as selfish or petty, it is important to remember that these are subjective evaluations, not objective facts. It is essential to be clear about your own objectives and intentions.

What kind of person do you aspire to be?

When you focus on your own development and pursue your goals, you will find that any negative influences in your life will gradually dissipate.

Should the situation persist and the comments continue to cause distress, it is recommended that you speak up promptly and clearly convey your feelings and needs. To facilitate this, I suggest referring to the principles of nonviolent communication.

It is my hope that you will no longer be responsible for other people's emotions and that you will choose what you really want.

Good day, question asker. My name is Jiang 61.

Firstly, I would like to express my gratitude for prompting us to reflect on the underlying causes of unhappiness, namely a sense of guilt. You inquire as to whether individuals tend to be self-critical and perceive a lack of justification for happiness.

"This question is pertinent to many individuals and merits further examination. We will now proceed to discuss it with you.

1. Introduction

1. Be hated

You stated, "There is an individual who has consistently expressed envy towards me due to my initial academic shortcomings, subsequent improvement through dedicated effort, and subsequent surpassing of their own performance. This individual has developed a negative sentiment towards me and has been known to express their displeasure through disparaging remarks about my study habits. Initially, I did not prioritize these remarks, but as time passed, I began to internalize this negative sentiment and developed a self-limiting belief that improvement in my academic performance would negatively impact others and result in their unhappiness. Consequently, I have become reluctant to pursue academic advancement, as I perceive it as a potential source of distress within the classroom setting. This has led to a sense of self-imposed stagnation and a lack of personal fulfillment."

The individual in question harbors feelings of envy.

One individual in your class harbors resentment because your academic performance initially lagged behind, but you subsequently demonstrated remarkable improvement and outpaced that person. They began voicing their disdain for your meticulous study habits in private.

It is imperative that you do not allow yourself to be influenced by the opinions of others.

One should not allow the words of another to affect one's motivation to improve oneself. The belief that one should not strive to excel and to experience joy will inevitably impact the emotional state of others, potentially leading to feelings of discontent.

2⃣️, Impact of Verbal Violence

The subject stated, "Her family is not as affluent as mine, and she is adept at portraying herself as a victim. I am perpetually concerned that I have done something wrong. For instance, whenever I receive something positive, my immediate response is fear. If she lacks such experiences, does my having them make her unhappy? Furthermore, if I attend cram school during the holidays to learn material I am unfamiliar with and purchase numerous reference books, am I unfairly competing with her if she cannot afford to do the same? In any case, it is simple to draw numerous inferences, yet I have never taken anything from her. I have obtained everything I possess through diligent effort and because it was always available. However, I consistently identify reasons for her, as if her unhappiness precludes my own, as if I have caused her distress. This results in profound distress. I am perpetually burdened by guilt, and I have been unable to experience happiness since."

The influence of verbal violence

The individual in question is leveraging the sympathy of others to gain understanding and control, while simultaneously suppressing and discrediting those who are making progress, including you. They are instilling a sense of culpability in others for their lack of sympathy.

Consequently, I am experiencing thoughts that I believe to be inappropriate.

It is imperative to accept emotional control.

The fact that you are susceptible to being influenced by words demonstrates that you are a benevolent individual who is reluctant to impede the progress of someone who is not willing to exert effort to improve. You are attributing responsibility for her unhappiness to yourself, which is causing you distress.

3⃣️, Question

Furthermore, the more you reflect on the situation, the more peculiar it seems that someone would inflict pain upon you while you are unable to retaliate. You find yourself preoccupied with the notion that your actions might cause discomfort to the other party and inadvertently harm others. This state of mind causes you immense distress, as you are uncertain about your ability to perform effectively and avoid causing further distress to the other person. You are reluctant to take any action, as you feel overwhelmed by the situation.

I am reluctant to engage in any form of confrontation.

The individual in question has been affected by verbal violence, and their repeated self-blame has led them to believe that they can only truly feel good if they make others feel good. Therefore, even if others hurt them, they are unable to fight back.

The distress experienced by the subject is a result of the aforementioned factors.

Despite recognizing that the blame does not lie with you, you lack the courage to argue and rebel for yourself. This problem is distressing you, and you dare not do anything. You want to get rid of this sense of guilt and gain a sense of well-being.

2. Causes of Control

1. Lack of clarity regarding boundaries

The concept of boundaries is fundamental to interpersonal communication. It encompasses the extent to which an individual perceives and understands the relationship between themselves and others. It is comprised of three key elements: the clarity of one's own boundaries, the clarity of others' boundaries, and the understanding of the appropriate boundaries in a given situation.

A sense of boundaries refers to the extent to which an individual perceives and understands the relationship between themselves and others. It is a crucial aspect of interpersonal communication. Specifically, it entails clarity regarding one's own and others' areas of responsibility and authority, safeguarding one's personal space from encroachment, and refraining from invading the personal psychological space of others.

The concept of unclear boundaries is fundamental to interpersonal communication. It encompasses the extent to which an individual perceives and understands the relationship between themselves and others. It is a crucial aspect of effective communication, as it determines the boundaries of personal space and responsibility.

Learning is a matter that concerns the individual learner alone. It is therefore important to take responsibility for one's own learning. This is analogous to the situation in which an individual has worked hard to achieve a result and has finally learned effectively.

However, one of your classmates is not making significant progress in her studies. This is a matter that concerns her directly and for which she must assume responsibility. In order to alleviate her own distress, she attempts to deflect blame onto others and resorts to verbal violence in order to impede their progress and cause them harm.

The subject displays unclear boundaries. In response to the subject's verbal accusations of unhappiness, the observer begins to assume responsibilities that should be assumed by the subject herself. This is driven by the assumption that the observer's actions have caused the subject's unhappiness. However, the subject's academic success or failure is not a result of the observer's actions.

It is not your responsibility to compensate for her unhappiness.

2. Personality reasons

From the main poster's narrative, it is evident that they possess qualities such as kindness, simplicity, and compassion. Consequently, the main poster later exhibited symptoms of depression and a lack of self-assurance, and was reluctant to display their positive experiences. This leads to the hypothesis that the main poster may be a Compliant + Dependent personality.

A pleasing personality is one that is preoccupied with the approval and satisfaction of others, often at the expense of one's own needs and feelings.

A pleasing personality is one that is preoccupied with the approval of others and exhibits a lack of concern for one's own emotions. The underlying principle of pleasing others is that they take precedence over one's own needs. The individual in question feels secure and loved only when they are able to make others feel at ease.

As a result, a significant amount of attention is devoted to the opinions of others, while one's own feelings are largely disregarded.

The characteristics of a melancholic personality

The characteristics of a melancholic personality are as follows:

Characteristics: thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and driven by a pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty.

The individual in question exhibits a number of strengths, including sensitivity, loyalty, talent, and insight.

The disadvantages of this personality trait include a tendency to focus on minutiae, indecision, self-centeredness, pessimism, and passivity.

The questioner is accustomed to seeking the approval of others and seldom considers their own emotional needs. Consequently, when confronted with bullying behavior from others, the questioner tends to adopt a passive and detached stance to avoid further harm. Additionally, the questioner is highly attuned to the nuances of verbal communication, frequently perceiving criticism or disapproval in others' words. They also exhibit a tendency to ruminate on issues, often becoming fixated on a single idea, including self-blame and a sense of guilt.

As a result, the subject experiences negative affect.

3⃣, Lack of Self-Awareness

The process of understanding oneself is an essential component of self-awareness.

A comprehensive understanding of oneself entails a profound grasp of one's character traits, ability range, emotional state, needs, strengths, weaknesses, areas of expertise, interests and hobbies, and values.

A lack of self-understanding

The subject is susceptible to external influences, particularly verbal aggression. Additionally, there seems to be a lack of self-awareness, as evidenced by the subject's perception of stagnation in his academic progress. This suggests that his fundamental needs have been met, his learning abilities have been demonstrated, and his strengths have been utilized. This is an area that the subject should be proud of.

The questioner's lack of self-awareness prevents him from asserting his identity in a confident manner. Consequently, he becomes susceptible to the influence of his classmates, which often results in feelings of self-blame and guilt.

3. Elimination of Guilt

1. Clear boundaries

The establishment of clear boundaries is a fundamental aspect of self-awareness.

A clear sense of boundaries signifies that when one interacts with others, the boundaries between oneself and others are distinct and well-defined. In particular, one is aware of the appropriate actions to take and the responsibilities to which one is entitled, as well as those that are beyond one's scope of responsibility.

This process eliminates guilt.

The establishment of clear boundaries enables individuals to more effectively withstand external pressures and influences, including verbal abuse and control exerted by classmates, as well as harm from others. The release of responsibilities that do not belong to an individual allows for a reduction in feelings of guilt, which in turn facilitates the maintenance of inner stability and balance, as well as an enhanced sense of well-being.

2. Enhance Self-Awareness

The term "self-awareness" is used to describe the cognitive component of self-awareness. It is the primary component of self-awareness and the psychological basis for self-regulation and control. It includes self-perception, self-concept, self-observation, self-analysis, and self-evaluation.

Self-awareness represents the cognitive component of self-awareness. It is the primary component of self-awareness and the psychological basis for self-regulation and control. It encompasses self-perception, self-concept, self-observation, self-analysis, and self-evaluation.

It is recommended that you enhance your self-awareness.

As self-awareness is enhanced, the inclination to adhere to the opinions of others is diminished. This enables an accurate self-perception, a sense of personal fulfilment, and the capacity to pursue one's own desires, abilities and interests, ultimately leading to an enhanced sense of personal happiness.

3⃣️, Effective Communication

We are willing to express our attitudes and opinions in the context of social interactions, even when they are in opposition to the prevailing views, and to communicate with others in an effective manner.

Effective Communication

Communication can be defined as the exchange of information. This process involves the conveyance of a message to a communication partner with the intention of eliciting a desired response. If this process is successfully completed, effective communication can be said to have occurred.

Verbal and nonverbal messages comprise communication. The nonverbal component is typically more influential than the verbal one. Effective communication is crucial for navigating interpersonal and intricate social dynamics on campus.

The following steps are essential for effective communication:

Effective communication comprises four steps.

The initial step is to express one's feelings, rather than emotions.

Step 2: Articulate your desired outcome, not your aversion to it. Express your anger, not merely your intention to express it.

Step 3: Articulate your requirements, not your grievances; refrain from allowing the other party to speculate as to your intentions.

Step 4: Articulate your desired outcome, rather than dwelling on the present situation.

It can be reasonably asserted that happiness is achieved through one's own efforts. It is evident that one's academic performance is a direct result of their own efforts and is not contingent on the opinions of others. By establishing clear boundaries and enhancing one's self-awareness, it is possible to observe an increase in self-confidence, a reduction in feelings of guilt, and the emergence of a sense of well-being.

Effective communication methods facilitate the expression of one's views, inner feelings, thoughts, and expectations, while simultaneously enhancing interpersonal relationships and reducing the impact of others' words.

These are the issues that I discussed with the original poster, and it is my hope that they will prove to be of some assistance. Finally, I wish the original poster a happy life!

Hello, question asker! I'm Fairy, and I don't drink. I'm so honored to be able to answer your questions and clear up any doubts you may have!

Some folks say that life is one big journey, full of twists and turns.

You know, it's funny how we always think the present is the hardest time. But if you think about it, in your life

You've already overcome so many obstacles that you thought you couldn't overcome at the time. You've got this! Action is the antidote to confusion. Let's act together and challenge the confusion in our hearts!

I totally get where you're coming from. I can see how you might be feeling distressed and conflicted.

I know it can be really tough when people envy you and speak ill of you behind your back.

It can really take a toll on your self-confidence and mental health. I've got a few tips and tricks up my sleeve to help you out!

First and foremost, you have to believe that all your hard work and achievements are real.

Don't let other people's jealousy and unkind words get you down. You've got this!

You've got this! Believe in your own abilities and value.

Don't let other people's opinions get in the way of all the amazing things you've achieved!

Secondly, it's important to be aware of the root cause of jealousy. It often comes from others' dissatisfaction with their own inadequacies and inferiority complex. It's possible that your progress has touched a nerve, but it's not your fault.

I know it can be tough, but I really think you should try to understand her perspective and realize that it is not your responsibility.

Also, try not to pay too much attention to the words and opinions of others, especially those who speak ill of you behind your back. Their opinions don't represent the real you, and they're not worth the energy and emotions they take.

I've always been on the same page as my sweet grandmother: if you don't eat other people's food, don't take other people's words too seriously.

So, why not try changing your way of thinking through cognitive restructuring? It's important to realize that your happiness and success don't directly harm others. Everyone has their own opportunities and paths, and your progress is not a competition with others; it's for your own growth and happiness.

If this situation is really affecting your mental health, you might want to think about talking to someone you trust, like a friend, family member, or counselor. They can give you a lot of emotional support and advice to help you cope with this dilemma.

Most importantly, remember that your happiness and achievements are worth cherishing. Don't let the negativity and jealousy of others hold you back. Stay true to yourself and believe in your own hard work and value!

Find your own happiness and balance, and remember that other people's thoughts and actions don't have to sway your emotions and decisions.

And finally, I have a little word for you: let's keep our courage and try to learn to endure and be forgiving. Don't be afraid to deviate from the right path and distinguish clearly between good and evil.

Remember, courage is the strength to face life's challenges. You've got this! Go for it!

After reading it, I want to say that you are really a person who will think of others and neglect yourself. You long for a harmonious, positive, and energetic environment, and I know you can create that for yourself! You are in a dark, exclusionary, and derogatory environment, but you can change that. You can't open your heart and be yourself, worrying that everything bad that happens is because of yourself. You are overly tolerant of other people's actions, but you are especially harsh on yourself. You can change that too!

I really want to give you a big hug and help you swallow your grievances. I want to help you protect yourself and solve your problems!

If this person is jealous of you, denigrates you, and cannot stand to see you succeed, then she is not a true friend. But you know what? A true friend should be happy for you and work hard because they are happy for you!

So don't let her bring you down! Don't worry about losing your friendship. You'll only feel that you were so stupid for doing that when you've grown up. You're paying for someone else's life.

If this person is just your classmate, you should treat yourself even better because you are just you, not a controller. You cannot predict or eliminate all the bad things in advance, and you shouldn't take all the bad things onto yourself. In the world of crows, the swan is guilty. The best people are lonely, and that's a good thing!

You will always meet people who resonate with you, despite your efforts and despite being yourself. And you don't need many—just one or two will suffice!

When you feel wronged, it's time to fight back! She has hurt you, but you can take control and stand up for yourself.

Instead, you have the opportunity to consider the consequences of your counterattack. You can consider her feelings, whether she is doing well or not, and attach many external shackles to yourself. This allows you to take a single step outside the circle and explore new possibilities. Even if you do this, you still have the chance to get everything you want. What's supposed to happen will still happen, and there will be no shortage of conflicts and arguments. So why not make yourself so excited you can't wait to see what happens?

Just shine your own light, and don't care if others follow suit! You have the same teacher and the same classroom, but you have students with different grades.

When it's time to fight back, you fight back! From now on, we need to be tolerant, but that doesn't mean we need to be infinitely tolerant and compromise. There is a bottom line for everything, and when it's crossed, you fight back!

You are kind, hardworking, and empathetic. You just tend to compromise too much, but you can change this! Once you do, your current situation will be resolved. Don't worry, because your counterattack has damaged a certain relationship, a certain unity, and a certain harmony. There is something wrong with exchanging grievances for something. Your counterattack is just solving problems so that you can live together peacefully for a long time. Be brave, don't be afraid. When you have no concerns, just do what you think is right at the moment, and the result will definitely be good. I hope my words can give you strength and encouragement!

Hello, questioner! I can see that you're confused, and it's clear that you care about how other people feel.

First and foremost, everyone must take responsibility for their own emotions. We cannot pay for other people's unhappiness or emotions, and we cannot take on too much responsibility for them.

Everyone has their own emotions and experiences, and we must respect and understand this.

It is indisputable that in interpersonal relationships, we must maintain a certain degree of empathy and goodwill. If your classmate is in a bad mood because of poor grades and family problems, it is perfectly acceptable to try to understand how others feel and offer support and help when appropriate. However, you must also consider the situation where the other person holds a grudge against you and always speaks ill of you behind your back. This not only reflects a person's emotional management ability but also their moral character and personal integrity. And you must ask yourself whether you can change these problems.

It is crucial to understand that the foundation of being helpful is learning to protect yourself from being affected or overly involved by the emotions of others. When you feel unable to handle or deal with the emotions of others, you have the option of maintaining a distance or seeking professional help.

It is essential to respect the emotions of others while also paying attention to our own emotions and needs to maintain a balanced and harmonious interpersonal relationship.

People are different from each other, and that's a good thing. There are huge differences between people, and these differences are reflected in personality, values, life experiences, career choices, and so on.

Everyone is unique and has their own unique life path. There's no question about it. So, allowing yourself to be different from others is the only healthy and positive attitude towards life.

You must accept your uniqueness to get to know yourself better and discover your strengths and potential. Everyone has their own areas of expertise and unique talents. You must accept your differences to leverage your strengths and realize your value.

Conversely, if the other person does not allow you to be even the slightest bit different from her, but forces you to follow her logic and style in every way that makes you feel uncomfortable, then I can say with confidence that it's very difficult to develop a healthy relationship. In this kind of relationship, you are the one who is constantly being depleted and exploited.

Embrace your differences. It's a path to self-growth. In a relationship, both parties must grow.

This is the only way to ensure the relationship lasts. If you don't stand up for yourself, you'll not only fail to grow, but you'll also drag the other person down with you.

Giving in is not a guaranteed path to gaining the other person's understanding and respect.

In many cases, moderate concessions can show a person's tolerance and generosity, help ease tension and reduce conflict. However, if you give in too much or give in without principles, the other person will misunderstand your intentions and think you lack self-confidence or principles. This will result in disrespect for your opinions and decisions.

Mutual understanding and respect are essential and must be based on equality, respect, and communication between the two parties. If you keep backing down, the other person will undoubtedly feel that your opinions and feelings are not important, and thus neglect your needs and rights even more.

Stick to your principles and positions while respecting the other person's opinions and feelings. Solve problems through active communication and negotiation. You will win the other person's understanding and respect.

Giving in must be done moderately and according to the specific situation. While defending your rights and dignity, you must also respect the feelings and rights of the other party. You can establish harmonious interpersonal relationships through active communication and negotiation.

I hope my sharing has been helpful. I am Deng Hong, a listening coach. Every voice in your heart is worth listening to. I'm here to listen.

Good day, my name is Berek.

When an individual consistently identifies shortcomings and believes that happiness is unattainable, this can be understood as a psychological phenomenon. It may originate from various sources, including inner self-doubt, excessive self-criticism, or an underestimation of one's self-worth.

From a psychological perspective, this mindset may be related to an individual's self-identity and self-esteem levels. Those with low self-esteem are more likely to hold negative views of themselves and believe that they are not worthy of happiness or well-being.

Such individuals may concentrate excessively on their deficiencies and shortcomings, while failing to acknowledge their strengths and accomplishments. This cognitive orientation can result in the suppression of their emotional states and needs, thereby impeding their capacity to genuinely experience happiness.

Furthermore, social culture and family background may also exert an influence on this mindset. In some cultures, the emphasis on personal responsibility and introspection may facilitate a tendency to ascribe blame to oneself for problems.

Additionally, the manner in which an individual was socialized within their familial unit may have contributed to the development of a tendency toward excessive self-criticism.

To overcome this mentality, it is first necessary to recognize one's own tendencies and attempt to alter one's perception of oneself. It is essential to learn to view oneself in a more objective manner and to recognize that it is normal for everyone to possess both strengths and weaknesses.

Concurrently, it is imperative to cultivate the ability to accept one's emotions and needs without resorting to repression or denial.

Secondly, an individual may attempt to enhance their self-esteem through the utilisation of positive self-affirmation and self-care techniques. This may entail the concentration on one's strengths and accomplishments, the practice of constructive self-talk, and the engagement in activities that elicit positive affect and fulfilment.

In addition, it is important to learn to distinguish between problems that require resolution and those that are inconsequential. It is unproductive to blame oneself for every problem and to deny one's own value due to minor issues.

In essence, when individuals engage in self-criticism and experience a sense of unworthiness, it is crucial to recognize that this may be a psychological phenomenon. To overcome this, it is essential to alter one's self-perception and enhance self-esteem. Only when individuals embrace self-acceptance and self-love can they truly experience joy and happiness.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello, questioner!

From what you've said, I get the impression you're a kind person who cares about other people's feelings. At the same time, I also get the sense that you're feeling stuck in your current situation and unsure of how to move forward.

From what you've said, it seems like you're talking about a classmate of yours. I'm curious why she has such a strong impact on you. Is it her opinion of you, or is it the opinion of others that matters?

There's no need to rush to answer these questions. You can ask yourself at night and you'll probably find the answers.

From what you've said, I get the impression that you're feeling pretty worn out. It seems like you're worried that your actions will upset others and cause them pain. It can be really exhausting to constantly think about how your words and actions might affect other people.

If you don't do this, you'll feel guilty. Is that how you see it?

I'd like to share some of my feelings with you:

You're not responsible for other people's happiness.

We all have our own paths in life and our own ideas about happiness.

Just because you think something is happiness doesn't mean others do. As the saying goes, "What is honey to one person is arsenic to another."

You don't have to be responsible for other people's happiness. You might benefit from paying more attention to your own true feelings.

What other people say doesn't matter as much as how you feel. You deserve to have what you need.

2. About being hurt but not having the courage to stand up for yourself

At one point, I was also afraid to fight back. I was afraid of hurting others.

Later on, I came to understand that simply acquiescing would only exacerbate the situation. I thus endeavored to establish a personal boundary.

If someone crosses my line, I'll stand my ground. This isn't about being aggressive, it's about self-protection.

Kindness is a great quality, but it should also have some strength to it.

Hello. You say you feel bad because of other people. You're wasting your energy. You deserve the best, but you think your excellence hurts others. You'll be distressed, feel guilty, and think you're being unfair. You're kind, but we can't be kind at the expense of ourselves.

The questioner said she surpassed you through hard work and is jealous of you. She says bad things about you and makes you doubt yourself. But this is her business. You deserve your excellence. This has nothing to do with her. Your family conditions are better than hers. This is also the result of your parents' hard work. There is no right or wrong. You will suffer because of this. You will deny yourself. You will feel you cannot be happier than someone weaker than you.

You can try to do this. You deserve to become good through your own efforts, and you haven't hurt anyone. You can be happy with yourself and pursue whatever you want. If she is jealous of you, it has nothing to do with you.

Don't let it get to you. Find people who share your ideals and support each other. You'll get out of this mindset.

Good luck, girl. You can do this. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're not wrong. Stay strong. The world and I love you.

First of all, you should be proud of yourself for recognizing that something is wrong and feeling uncomfortable with this situation. It's like when a wound is healing and you're always itchy and restless, but this is also a good sign. At this moment, you realize that you deserve to have the happiness and freedom you deserve, and you don't need to pay for other people's lives.

In "The Courage to Be Disliked," there is a discussion about "issue separation." Everyone has their own life issues, and there are clear boundaries between issues. The student's life situation and her sense of injustice and anger are the life issues she needs to face. In interacting with her, our own issues may be how to deal with "introspection and over-responsibilization," so that we can gradually free ourselves from the shackles of other people's issues and enjoy our own lives freely. You can try the following methods.

1. Be aware of the uncomfortable feelings of "something not right" in this interpersonal situation. Don't reject these emotions. Instead, associate them with times in the past when you've been told you can't be selfish, you have to think of others more, you can't enjoy yourself alone, and you only rely on your family.

2. Ask yourself further: are these voices objective? Am I really selfish? Is there anything wrong with me enjoying the resources I have? Is this the prejudice or misunderstanding of others, or is it because of their sour grapes mentality?

I don't have to praise and like everyone.

3. Define the "right track" for yourself. Imagine in detail what such a situation would be like, how you would be able to relax and enjoy your own resources and the results of your own efforts.

I am certain that through this kind of repeated self-dialogue, we will gradually have a clear separation of our own issues and those of others. This will allow us to enjoy our lives peacefully and take responsibility for our own lives.

Good day, inquirer. Firstly, I would like to extend a gesture of empathy and understanding. I have observed your predicament and understand the dynamics at play. It appears that you have been envied for your benevolence, which has led to a sense of unhappiness in the other individual. This, in turn, has prompted a fear of being happy due to the potential for causing distress. It is commendable that you are kind and easily empathize with others. However, when such empathy is exercised without boundaries, it can inadvertently place undue responsibility on oneself for the emotions of others. It is essential to recognize that the other person's life and emotions are their own. Their unhappiness is not something you should feel responsible for. It is a personal responsibility that they must assume.

It is evident that you have engaged in a significant degree of introspection, leading you to question whether you have indeed committed an act of wrongdoing and whether your actions are, in fact, unfair to her. You are self-critical, evaluating your conduct from her perspective. However, this is an inherently futile exercise, as the concept of "unfairness" is inherently subjective. Each individual possesses unique attributes, and the distribution of these attributes varies considerably. Some individuals may possess a greater abundance of a particular attribute, while others may exhibit a greater degree of another attribute. The notion of absolute fairness is, therefore, impractical, even when all individuals possess identical resources. Our genetic makeup, physical characteristics, and cognitive abilities inevitably lead to differences in energy, intelligence, and other faculties. Some individuals may exploit perceived unfairness as a means of attacking others and securing preferential treatment. However, this is merely a strategy, and while employing this strategy, another form of unfairness emerges: the desire to obtain something for which one has not worked, while others have invested significant effort to attain. However, individuals who engage in such behavior may not experience guilt about exploiting their position. Only those who possess genuine empathy for the disadvantaged will empathize with the vulnerable, while those who are adept at using "I am weak, therefore I am justified" are merely seeking to gain further preferential treatment.

It is always commendable to display kindness and to be able to empathize with others. However, it is crucial to recognize that these traits are beneficial to oneself. Regardless of one's abilities, if they do not contribute to one's happiness, it is necessary to re-examine their usage. As an individual who is highly sensitive, I have encountered similar experiences. I feel a sense of guilt regarding the suffering of others and even during challenging times, I perceive the use of unnecessary resources as a waste, including turning on lights for a shower or eating delicious food.

How did I change later? Probably from discovering my own value. We enjoy superior resources, but we also generate value. We are in a more advantageous position, which is created for us by those who love us. They invested significant effort just so that we could enjoy such a life, and the optimal reward for us is to accept and enjoy it. When considering the broader context, the current society is built on the backs of innumerable martyrs. When examining the smaller picture, it is constructed by the strenuous work of our nurturers, and all they desire is for us to become virtuous individuals, enjoy our lives, and create greater value. When these factors are given due consideration, enjoyment can gradually replace guilt. For individuals who are particularly sensitive, it is crucial to determine what to focus on, as what we focus on is what we empathize with. Attention is limited. Proactively focusing attention on people and things that benefit us will greatly contribute to the development of our lives.

I would like to reiterate the point I made at the outset: each individual is responsible for their own actions and decisions. However, the reality is that it is often challenging to assume responsibility for oneself. Consequently, there are individuals who seek to externalize their responsibilities, attributing their emotions, difficulties, and circumstances to others in order to avoid confronting the consequences of their actions. While this may appear to be a convenient approach, it is ultimately unwise. It is crucial to recognize those who resort to such strategies.

In The Courage to Be Disliked, it is posited that one must differentiate between one's own affairs and those of others. This necessitates practice, and initially, it may be exceedingly uncomfortable, as we are inherently inclined to internalize the emotions of others. However, such practice is indispensable. When confronted with a situation, it is imperative to ascertain whose business it is. The emotions and feelings we experience are our own concern, while the experiences of the other person are theirs alone. It is essential to differentiate between our own feelings and those of the other person. This concept may appear somewhat abstract, and it required considerable time for me to gradually become more proficient in it. I also recommend reading the book The Courage to Be Disliked, which proved invaluable to me and is likely to prove similarly beneficial to you.

Hello, I am Bai Li Yina, and I hope my reply can offer some warmth and help.

The questioner revealed that she was concerned about becoming better because of her classmates' reactions. She often felt that her achievements were unfair to others and might cause them discomfort. Despite the pain she was experiencing, she was reluctant to resist and instead chose to endure it. How can she navigate these conflicting and challenging emotions?

[Situation analysis]

I believe that making progress through one's own efforts is something that should be a source of joy. However, when one encounters a classmate who attacks them out of jealousy, it can become something that causes pain. I see a child who is both aggrieved and kind, huddled in a corner, obviously bruised and battered, but still thinking about not hurting others. Even so, they still can't escape the hurt, and they don't have the courage to fight back. Perhaps we can work together to find out what has been hurting you.

[Questions to encourage reflection and understanding]

1. Could I ask whether, after you stopped improving and fell behind her, that girl became the best in the class? Do you think she was happy?

2. Do you think there might be some truth to the idea that she said unkind things about you behind your back because your grades are better than hers, and you've stopped making progress? Have you ever considered that she might have shown you any kindness?

3. Could you please tell me what made you care so much about this girl? At first, you didn't seem to be concerned, but then something happened that made you become so?

4. Could you please tell me whether you tolerate everyone who is not as good as you? I'd also be interested to hear your views on the principle of fair competition.

Could I ask you to consider whether this is reasonable?

5. Could you please share with me the reasons why you want to become better? Who around you expects to see you become better?

[Suggested method to try]

The girl from a less well-off family who is adept at playing the victim has achieved her goal in her own way. She has attacked you behind your back with malicious gossip, disturbing your heart and thus affecting your progress. But is it really true that only you are better than her? If everyone who is better than her will be the cause of her misfortune, then what is the point of your forbearance?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what you really care about her.

I understand that you don't want to hurt anyone, but you just think that your progress will hurt this girl. Have you considered, though, that your regression might hurt her as well? You are now in pain, and the people who will be hurt the most are yourself, followed by your family, those who love you, and your classmates who hope to make progress together with you. In order to avoid hurting someone, it seems that you have not considered other people in your eyes and heart.

Our lives are long, and we will meet all kinds of people. You are a person who has the potential to become better through your own efforts, and it is natural that this will attract some jealousy. When faced with this, it is important to have the right attitude. How can you strengthen yourself and protect the hard-won results of your efforts? What we need to do is care about ourselves and protect ourselves from harm. It is important to remember that no one in the world is more important to you than yourself.

When you are uncertain, you might consider asking yourself, "Has my progress caused her discomfort?" And then, "Could my regression cause me discomfort?"

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider who is more important to you, her or yourself. If you still can't put yourself first, you might also think about whether the person who most wants to see you improve but finds that you have regressed has been hurt, and who is more important.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why you are willing to sacrifice for her. Is it because you don't want her to get hurt? If so, what is the reason you care about her and want to protect her?

Take the time to reflect and find the answer that resonates with you most deeply. Once you've considered all aspects, you'll be better equipped to make a change. When you're pushing yourself to your limits, it's crucial to maintain your own space and boundaries. Prioritize your well-being, avoid self-harm, and focus on self-care. This approach will help you navigate similar challenges in the future with greater resilience and ease.

I hope these methods will be of some help to you.

I believe that change requires time and patience. It is important not to worry or be afraid. Many people are experiencing or have experienced similar problems, so you are not alone.

I'm here to support you. You're not alone. I hope you find a solution to the challenges you're facing soon and find your own most comfortable state.

I'm grateful to those who have liked and commented on my post. I wish you peace and joy.