Do you think I'm not worthy of going on a graduation trip just because I'm not taking the civil service exam?

Dear questioner, My name is Peilü.

I would like to begin by offering you a hug.

Communication between parents and children

Data interpretation

The questioner stated, "I desired to travel following my graduation from university due to the availability of leisure time. I had previously discussed this with my mother, who expressed approval. However, upon revisiting the topic, she did not provide a direct response but instead inquired about my willingness to take the civil service examination. I can comprehend your emotional state. You experienced a momentary loss of control over your emotions in the heat of the moment. I extend my support and understanding to you."

A reasoned analysis of the situation is required.

The result of unmet expectations is disappointment.

The undertaking of a trip is something that has been long desired and anticipated, and it is a plan that was discussed with one's mother a considerable time ago. As anticipation increases, so too does the importance of the trip in one's heart. Conversely, the higher the expectations, the greater the disappointment.

Your mother did not provide a definitive response at the time, which caused you to experience feelings of unease and anxiety. Under the influence of these negative emotions, you may have interpreted her words as indicating that she did not approve of your decision to go on the trip, that she had misled you, and that you felt aggrieved and angry. Consequently, you became angry with your mother.

A misunderstanding occurred.

Your mother's inquiry regarding your readiness to take the civil service exam at this juncture may appear to you as a veiled form of neglect and rejection. You experience a sense of injustice and disrespect, and express disappointment in your mother, whom you perceive as failing to consider your needs and feelings and instead seeking to impose her preferences upon you.

Your mother is unable to comprehend your genuine sentiments and attributes your persistent displeasure to you. This perception has the unintended consequence of exacerbating your irritability.

It is recommended that you seek personal advice.

Communication

The aforementioned analysis may provide insight into potential avenues for resolution. Disagreements may arise due to communication breakdowns. You and your mother had several disagreements regarding the trip, and your emotional state may have influenced your communication. Have you ever articulated your expectations in a constructive manner?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether your mother fully comprehends the significance of the excursion to you. What is the likelihood that she will respond in the affirmative or the negative?

In fact, there are multiple ways to interpret the mother's statements and actions. It is possible that she does not agree with the trip and wants the son to focus on the civil service exam, as he believes. Alternatively, she may have simply asked him casually without intending to reject him. It is also possible that she was inquiring about his attitude toward the civil service exam and did not intend to discourage him. The son's anger may have caused his mother to feel confused, leading her to perceive him as hot-tempered and somewhat willful.

Given that your mother previously consented to your participation in the trip, it is evident that she continues to endorse your perspective. It is therefore advisable to engage in further communication with her, presenting a candid account of your thoughts and efforts to rectify any existing misperceptions.

It is unclear what the question is.

The world and I love you.

Hello. This trip is something you have looked forward to for a long time. After the passive period of being confined at home and the hard period of preparing for the exams, it is time to "say goodbye to the past, welcome the future, and treat yourself."

Your mother's initial agreement and subsequent doubts only serve to exacerbate your frustration and anger.

Your anger and sense of grievance are a result of your mother "backtracking." More importantly, you feel that your "autonomy" has been suppressed. As we grow up and become independent, we gradually break away from our dependence on our parents and develop a stronger and stronger sense of self and the need to make our own choices.

In other words, you must be aware of your own desires, actions, and ability to make your own decisions and arrangements.

This is an inevitable process of independence. However, in family relationships, children and parents are often still entangled in a "symbiotic" relationship. Parents must recognize that their children's needs will naturally change as they grow up. Parents who continue to "teach" their children's lives with past experiences are denying their children's autonomy. In the eyes of their children, this becomes a kind of intervention and denial of themselves. Just as you feel, "Am I not worthy of going on a trip?" "Am I living just to take the civil service exam?" This is a kind of protest against the intervention of elders — "Why can't I make my own choices?" "Why can't you trust me and let me be myself?"

You should talk to your mother and tell her that your anger is not an end in itself, nor is it intended to hurt her. You should also tell her that you feel sad that your needs are not being seen and respected. Let her know that in her eyes you may still be a child, and that in her expectations there may be a picture of your future. However, you have to walk your own path in life.

You must be able to make choices about your future and your own life if you want to trust yourself. Motivation can only be lasting when it comes from within.

It is important to explore boundaries in parent-child relationships slowly. Even the closest relationships have boundaries. If you feel that your boundaries are being violated, you can raise the issue while also encouraging the mother to pay more attention to her own life.

Each person must have their own space to accommodate the conflicts in the relationship.

Good day.

It is understandable to experience negative emotions such as sadness, resentment, and anger when there is a disagreement with a superior.

For this reason, please consider the following:

Your emotional response to disagreeing with your mother about the graduation trip was likely influenced by the emotional conflict and complexity of the relationship.

The relationship between mother and child plays a pivotal role in an individual's development, and the mother's attitude can have a significant impact on the child's emotional state.

In the event of a disagreement with your mother regarding the timeliness and importance of the current civil service exam and trip, you may experience feelings of disappointment and frustration due to a desire for her support and understanding.

Furthermore, there is a possibility that what you have striven for is not being respected or understood, which could result in emotional responses.

Furthermore, feelings of sadness, resentment, and anger may also result from a desire for self-identity and independence.

In the event of a disagreement with your mother, you may perceive a challenge to your independence and autonomy, which may in turn elicit an emotional response.

Your aspiration to assert your autonomy and independence in decision-making and opinion formation, while simultaneously desiring to maintain a close relationship and identity with your mother, creates a fundamental contradiction and conflict that gives rise to emotional fluctuations and unrest.

To mitigate the adverse emotional states of sadness, resentment, and anger resulting from the present disagreement with your mother, we advise you to implement the following specific psychological and emotional adjustment techniques:

Firstly, it is important to understand and respect your mother as much as possible.

It would be beneficial to understand her perspective and identify common ground.

For example, your mother believes that the importance and significance of taking the civil service exam and a trip cannot be compared.

If circumstances permit, focus your efforts on preparing for the civil service exam after a brief period of travel.

It would be preferable to first attempt to achieve your objective through dedicated effort and then embark on a joyful and restful excursion together.

Finding a solution that is acceptable to both parties is the only way to enhance mutual understanding and tolerance.

Secondly, maintain clear and consistent communication regarding your feelings.

Despite preliminary communication, the outcome was unsatisfactory. Your mother displayed a lack of understanding and expressed increased anger.

It is recommended that you continue to communicate with your mother in a frank and appropriate manner at a mutually convenient time.

This is not merely a matter of whether you are able to embark on a trip or take a civil service exam. It is also about how to manage the parent-child relationship in a timely and appropriate manner.

Effective communication is the key to maintaining a positive mother-child relationship. To achieve this, it is essential to express your inner feelings, thoughts, and emotions accurately and listen attentively to her responses. This will help to reduce any misunderstandings and resolve conflicts.

It is also important to seek inner balance and mental peace.

It is crucial to maintain inner balance when addressing disagreements with your mother.

It is important to learn to adjust your emotions and perspective, such as the empathy mentioned above, in order to find the right balance.

Additionally, you may wish to consider techniques such as deep breathing and meditation to help you calm down.

As an example, deep breathing can help relieve tension and anxiety, thereby promoting a more calm state of mind.

Finally, it is advisable to seek additional support.

As you have sought assistance from this platform, you may also choose to express your sadness, grievances, and anger to other close friends or family members.

On the one hand, open communication can help relieve internal stress and anxiety. On the other hand, it can foster a deeper understanding of emotions and provide tangible assistance.

Should these negative emotions persist and impact your daily life and studies, we advise you to consult a psychologist at the earliest opportunity. They will be able to provide more professional, specific and personalised assistance and treatment.

We hope you find the above information useful.

Dear Question Asker, Reading your words is akin to meeting you in person.

A careful reading of the description reveals that the subject's primary grievance and anger stem from two factors: the inability to travel far from home for university and the goal of taking the postgraduate entrance exam. These factors have already prevented the subject from traveling far from home. Consequently, the subject sought to seize the freedom before graduation to go on a trip. The subject also informed their mother of their desire to travel, and she agreed. However, the subject's mother's opinion of the matter changed midway through, which caused the subject to feel aggrieved and angry.

Dear, I must say that I was genuinely encouraged by your admirable self-awareness when I finished writing the above paragraph. You confronted your emotions with remarkable sincerity and disseminated them on this forum, thereby affording yourself the opportunity to recalibrate. This is a challenging endeavor, yet you have demonstrated remarkable fortitude in undertaking it.

Let us proceed with a discussion of the matter.

In fact, upon reading the description, "Mom also agreed," a few points require further clarification.

1. What was the tone (or context) of the mother's initial expression of agreement?

2. In her subsequent thoughts, what was the connection that she drew between "taking the civil service exam" and "going on a trip"?

3. Please describe the specific manner in which you expressed your anger to your mother.

What is the underlying cause of the mother's anger?

The aforementioned four points are designed to illustrate the underlying cause of Mom's emotional state. This can be defined as a sense of powerlessness. Initially, her intention was to encourage you to focus intensively on the preparation process. However, the manner in which she conveyed this message caused you significant discomfort. This discomfort can be attributed to your internalisation of Mom's sense of powerlessness.

(In psychology, this phenomenon is referred to as "projection.")

It is therefore recommended that the sense of grievance caused by your mother's anger be adjusted by means of [issue separation].

In this case, for example, self-awareness and a change of perspective could be: your mother's view of your desire to embark on a trip is a matter that she is obliged to reconsider. The ultimate decision regarding your participation in the trip is yours to make.

Ultimately, it is worth considering what prompted you to inform your mother of your desire to travel when you initially conceived of the idea.

The aforementioned analysis and ideas for adjusting one's thinking are offered in the hope that they may provide inspiration for escaping from this sense of grievance.

It is imperative to prioritize self-care.

Greetings, I am a heart exploration coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for growth and development.

The subject experienced a sense of grievance and anger, and it appeared that the mother's words had triggered a response. However, it was the long-suppressed emotions and feelings that ultimately manifested in that moment. To gain a deeper understanding, let us examine the actual sequence of events:

1. The failure to recognize and address emotional needs gives rise to a range of emotional responses.

It is an inevitable consequence that when emotions are not understood and emotional needs are not met, frustration will arise.

To be frank, you have been grappling with the challenges of the Chinese education system for over a decade. The current educational structure, comprising six years of primary school and six years of secondary school, is still perceived as arduous. The transition to university was anticipated as a gateway to a more favourable environment.

The university experience is often perceived as a gateway to a life of hardship, as the time to enter the workforce grows nearer. To secure a position that offers a reasonable standard of living, or to pursue postgraduate or civil service entrance exams, individuals must develop a range of skills to navigate interpersonal dynamics and ensure their survival.

Ultimately, the desire to engage in leisure activities such as hiking serves to provide a sense of relaxation following the conclusion of academic examinations. However, a seemingly inconsequential remark, such as a casual inquiry about whether one plans to take the civil service examination, can potentially act as a significant catalyst for emotional distress.

For the subject, this represents a long-suppressed grievance that has finally manifested in this instance. The subject desires for their mother to recognize the sacrifices they have made and to empathize with the pressures they are facing.

Behind this is a strong desire to be affirmed, recognized, and accepted. The rhetorical question, "Am I not worthy...?" reveals that the mother's words have activated the subject's existing low self-worth.

Indeed, the mother's intention is not to prohibit the trip but rather to provide counsel and inquire about future plans. At this juncture, she seeks to ascertain whether the individual still intends to take the civil service examination and to evaluate the individual's performance on the examination.

It would be prudent to consider the implementation of a supplementary insurance policy.

Our own perspectives and feelings inform our judgments of individuals and events. Interpreting a statement from one's mother, as illustrated by the following example, is a case in point.

2. Emotional Management

"Reading ten thousand books is not as beneficial as traveling ten thousand miles." Setting ambitious life goals is not merely about books and classrooms; it is also about the cinema and travel.

It is also important to consider the concept of balance in learning. A journey can be viewed as a rite of passage upon graduating from university, a time to reflect on one's achievements and embark on a new phase of life.

It is essential to acknowledge and accept one's emotions, thereby allowing oneself to experience a full range of emotions. This advice is not directed at your mother, but rather represents an expression of your unmet emotional needs. Once you are able to recognize this, the emotions that communicate important messages to you in the form of grievances and anger have already been received and their mission has been completed, thus naturally dissipating.

One can express oneself directly to one's mother and share one's views and feelings with her. As previously stated, travel represents a periodic summary and the inception of a new chapter in one's life. One may express emotions (e.g., feeling aggrieved because one's mother's words make one feel unappreciated and misunderstood), but not emotional expressions (e.g., expressing anger, even aggression).

It is my contention that, upon disclosing one's genuine sentiments (the burden of academic pursuits and the aspiration to embark on a journey of self-discovery) and contemplations (the possession of a comprehensive and mature plan for one's future), one's mother will come to comprehend the underlying motives behind one's actions. This is because she has consistently demonstrated unwavering love and care towards her child, and is merely expressing herself in her own unique manner.

It is this author's recommendation that the reader accompany themselves on their journey with the aid of the book A Change of Heart, which will facilitate a more fulfilling experience.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned information will prove beneficial to you. The world and I send our best regards.

Should you wish to pursue this discussion further, you are invited to follow my personal homepage, entitled "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

Our different ways of expressing ourselves, emotions, and ideas lead to different interpretations of the same thing. If we don't resolve misunderstandings in a timely manner, they can affect our relationships.

Different responses lead to arguments.

The questioner has not traveled far for a long time because she has been busy studying. She is looking forward to arranging a trip to have a good time for a few days. She plans to do this during her last free time after graduation. She is counting down the days until she can go.

Everything is coming together. The questioner told her mother about her trip. The questioner's mother agreed with the arrangements and plans, understanding the questioner's desire to relax.

When the questioner mentioned this matter to her mother again recently, her mother's response was completely different from before. This time, she asked the questioner in a rhetorical tone, "Don't you want to take the civil service exam?" This obvious difference in attitude not only affected the questioner's mood, but also made her doubt herself: Is my existence just to constantly challenge the future that my mother yearns for?

Different thinking and understanding of the same thing.

In response to her mother's rhetorical question, the questioner's immediate reaction is one of frustration. Does she not deserve to go on a trip? The questioner has always planned and executed her life and her future with the utmost seriousness. She simply wants to relax, rest, and then continue towards the future when she returns.

The questioner's mother's rhetorical question made the questioner feel that she only values her own future. The only way to make this meaningful is for the questioner to constantly work hard on the road of life and gain everything that her mother approves of. Other plans are not unpractical, but the questioner should know how to do the right thing at the right time.

You may think you're respecting your child's choice, but you're actually controlling them. You want them to follow your thinking, not love them. You're not showing them true love. You're controlling them. You want obedience and compliance. You want them to lack the ability to explore the world on their own and to lack a strong opinion. Disobedience is rebellion. It affects the parent-child relationship.

I don't understand why you're acting so emotionally.

When we cannot negotiate a suitable solution to the same thing, it is clear that there is a problem with communication. Each of us is insisting on our own ideas, and the emotions come from trying to convince the other person to understand our ideas and being interrupted directly.

There is no conflict between taking the civil service exam and traveling. However, the questioner and her mother have a generation gap in communication over these two things, which has affected their relationship. The questioner wants to go on a trip first, while her mother wants her to take the civil service exam first. Each holds their own views but cannot convince the other to agree, which makes both parties angry.

The questioner has the financial means to avoid arguing with her mother over this matter. She can simply explain her own arrangements to her mother. She doesn't need to blindly obey her mother's arrangements and at the same time wait for her long-awaited trip.

The question owner's plan is the best one. Even if you go on a trip, it is only for a period of time, and the question owner also needs financial support from their parents. The question owner can tell their mother about their clear arrangements so that their mother understands that they need to relax and go on a trip by themselves, and come back in a better state to prepare for the civil service exam. This is the best plan.

☀️ Understand emotions: The questioner felt aggrieved when her mother asked her rhetorical question. The questioner believed that everything she did was in line with her mother's arrangements. In reality, this should also be the case. The questioner doubted the direction of her own efforts due to her long-term involvement in her mother's arrangements. She was displeased with the various arrangements.

From this incident, the questioner can also consider the problems that exist. The questioner is angry because her mother rejected her own arrangements and made her take the civil service exam.

You need to decide whether you're going to fight for the plan to take the civil service exam.

Different answers represent initiative and passivity. This is why the questioner is so angry. She thought that if she worked hard according to her mother's arrangements, she would be noticed and be able to get something in return for herself. But her mother responded with one task after another, depriving her of her own opinions. This is the thing the questioner finds most unacceptable.

☀️ Communicate more. The best way to communicate is when I don't need to say anything and you understand. This kind of relationship cannot be achieved just by spending a lot of time together. You also need to communicate with each other, work through things together, and truly understand each other.

The questioner does not accept her mother's way of expressing herself, and her mother does not accept her reaction. They are both in a state of anger, but they are angry about different things. To reduce this situation, they must take control of their emotions and learn to quickly calm down and look at the problem.

You must maintain effective communication. When conflicts arise, do not rush to show your emotions first. Instead, learn to respect each other and listen carefully to each other's thoughts and expressions. This will ensure that you both have a greater desire to communicate.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner. Best wishes.

Firstly, I empathise with your situation. Travel is an eagerly anticipated and exciting prospect, particularly following a lengthy period of study and preparation. It is understandable that you wish to have some free time to relax and explore, which is a perfectly reasonable desire.

However, your mother's perspective on your ideas differs, which has caused confusion and frustration.

From your description, it can be seen that your mother may perceive taking the civil service exam as a more stable and important choice. As a result, she may want you to dedicate more time and energy to preparing for the exam rather than traveling. This concern and expectation reflect the general concern about career development and stability in the social and cultural context.

However, it is important to note that each individual's situation and values are unique, and therefore, it is not feasible to view a specific choice as the sole correct path.

I recommend that you take a moment to calm down and then try to understand your mother's position and concerns. You can communicate with her honestly, express your thoughts and feelings, and listen to her opinions and suggestions at the same time.

When communicating, it is advisable to express your views in a more objective and rational manner, and to avoid emotional language and actions.

Furthermore, it would be beneficial to consider the value of travel in your personal development. Travel provides an opportunity to relax, expand your horizons, and enrich your experiences.

Such experiences are also highly beneficial for personal development. It would therefore be prudent to consider how travel and exam preparation can be combined in a way that allows them to mutually reinforce each other.

In conclusion, it is important to note that we should not be unduly influenced by the opinions and expectations of others. Instead, we should trust in our own choices and decisions, recognizing that each individual's life path is unique. To make the most optimal choices, we must consider our personal circumstances and values.

Furthermore, it is essential to learn to respect and understand the positions and views of others, and to establish good communication and relationships.

I hope these suggestions are helpful. Should you have any further questions or require further assistance, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Hello, I'm Zeyu.

"Mom asked if I was going to take the civil service exam for my graduation trip. Does that mean I'm not worthy of going on a trip?" Absolutely not. I am 100% worthy of going on a trip.

The incident described by the questioner is a clear example of how different positions can lead to misunderstandings. Neither you nor your mother is wrong. What your mother said, "Are you not going to take the civil service exam?," was a genuine concern and question. However, it may have been perceived as a form of control and denial by the questioner. As I've already stated, these are simply different responses to external stimuli.

We wanted to go on a graduation trip, and our family agreed. This was our bottom line—what we considered to be a reasonable demand and interest. Our reaction was, "I feel so sad. Don't I deserve to go on a trip?"

I have to take the civil service exam just to survive. I am aggrieved and angry.

Our anger stems from how we interpret the sentence, "Aren't you going to take the civil service exam?" If we interpret it as meaning you can't go on a trip and you have to take the civil service exam, the questioner will understand why we feel aggrieved and why we are angry.

The mother's misunderstanding and anger also verify this hypothesis.

Our anger and grievances are simply changes and attempts to defend our rights and interests. The reason we feel aggrieved is determined by how we understand our mother's intentions, while anger is a way to express our demands. Our mother's anger is a reciprocal response. Once we've sorted it out, the questioner will understand that there is no right or wrong in this matter, only a misunderstanding caused by different positions.

Finally, use deep breathing, relaxation training, and other methods to relieve emotions. After waiting until emotions calm down, clarify your views and the underlying meaning of the matter with your mother. Then, when your mother is in a good mood, finalize a consensus on the trip.

I understand your frustration. It's normal to feel aggrieved and angry when your expectations for the trip are dashed by your mother's words.

Your expectations are reasonable. The graduation trip is a great way to relax and enjoy your free time. You have already expressed your thoughts to your mother, and she has also agreed at one time, so it is not fair for her to suddenly bring up the issue of taking the civil service exam.

However, your mother's views may stem from her concerns about your future or her own expectations. She may think that becoming a civil servant is a more stable option, or she may not quite understand your desire to travel.

Communication is key. Have a calm discussion with your mother to show her how important the trip is to you and address her concerns. You can also work together to find a balance between the civil service exam and the trip.

Also, understand your mother's position. She may have her own experiences and opinions, but that doesn't mean she doesn't understand you.

You will deal with the situation better if you try to see things from her perspective.

Finally, take care of your emotions. If you feel aggrieved and angry, release those emotions in a way that suits you. Exercise, keep a diary, or chat with friends.

You will find a solution that allows you to travel while meeting your mother's expectations. I am here for you if you need me.

Dear questioner, My name is Duo Duo Lian, and it is my hope that my reply will prove helpful to you.

The previous year represented a significant challenge for these individuals, who have endured difficulties that remain largely unknown to others. Despite their efforts, they continue to face obstacles in their communication with their mothers, who often inquire about their plans to take the civil service exam. The underlying reasons for this remain opaque. The pandemic has persisted for an extended period, contributing to a pervasive sense of depression among younger individuals.

It would be beneficial for me to hear my mother say, "My dear child, you've had a challenging time. It's time to go out and have some fun."

Many parents lack boundaries and exhibit concern for their children, allowing them to assume significant responsibilities. Every child desires to obey their parents while also maintaining their individual identity. They seek guidance and support from their parents. They perceive a civil servant's role as stable and expect their children to adhere to the same path. This level of control can be overwhelming.

The recent years have presented significant challenges for you. The pandemic has persisted for several years, necessitating a reliance on self-study and self-discipline to navigate its complexities. Your motivation is commendable. The path to postgraduate study is likely to be fraught with difficulties, necessitating a robust foundation and perseverance.

Furthermore, the desire to lead a fulfilling life in the future emerges, driven by the intention to provide greater comfort to one's parents. The challenges faced by one's parents during their own formative years, characterised by a scarcity of material resources, have been observed. These experiences have instilled a sense of responsibility towards one's parents, who were themselves devoid of material desires and lacked comprehension of their children's needs. Despite the provision of basic necessities, including food and drink, the complexities of one's lived experience remained opaque to their parents.

The pressure of schoolwork, the handling of various relationships, and worries about their own future are not communicated to their parents. They worry about causing their parents trouble and face everything alone. Even if they express their feelings, their parents will not understand, as parents tend to live in their own minds.

The parents are solely focused on providing for their children's physical needs, neglecting their emotional requirements. The children's emotional well-being has been compromised, leading to a sense of emotional exhaustion and a desire to escape from the situation. The children's perception of their mother's disapproval is significant, causing them to experience a sense of overwhelming distress when she displays anger. This evokes memories of past traumatic experiences, resulting in feelings of distress and fatigue.

If one wishes to shed tears, one should do so. This will result in a notable improvement in one's emotional state. The mother in question is still a child who has not reached maturity, and she also requires assistance from her children to facilitate her own growth. They have endured significant suffering in the past and are reluctant to see their offspring experience similar distress. They place their hopes in their children and even take pride in them, which serves to fulfill their intrinsic need for self-worth.

It is possible to diverge from one's parents' expectations and pursue a unique identity while charting one's own course. Such actions do not inherently constitute wrongdoing. Instead, it is imperative to embrace a life of authentic self-expression, self-love, and self-satisfaction. When one resolves internal conflicts and releases pent-up negative emotions, external opinions will cease to have a detrimental impact.

It is imperative to cultivate self-love. This is a crucial step in achieving overall well-being. Each individual possesses intrinsic value and deserves to experience happiness.

Hello, question asker! I'm a Heart Exploration coach, and I'm here to help.

I read your post on the platform and I can see you've been through a lot. You didn't get to go anywhere to play when you graduated before, and then you have been studying for the civil service exam. You really want to go on a happy trip once when you graduate, and you are looking forward to it very much. Your mother then asked you in return, "Don't you want to go to the civil service exam?" I can imagine how sad you felt. Don't you deserve to go on a trip?

Is your life just about getting a civil servant job? It seems like you're feeling pretty frustrated and angry, and your mom doesn't understand. She's even more upset than you are! You're in a bad mood, and you're not sure why. What's going on?

It's totally understandable that you want your mother's support on this trip, especially given the conflict you've had over it. It's natural to have different ideas and positions when it comes to something as important as this trip. It's sad when there's a lack of understanding and support from a loved one, especially when you're excited about something. I'm sure you'll be able to talk to your mother about it when you're ready.

Let me help you take a deep breath and sort things out, my friend.

1. Make sure you're on the same page by communicating well.

It's so important to keep communicating with your mom, even when it's tough. If she doesn't understand, doesn't support you, or isn't financially supportive, it's not going to be easy to make this work if you just push through. You'll probably end up feeling like it's not fun, and it might even affect your relationship with her. Why not find a good time to have a chat with her? Try to reason with her using both logic and emotion. Talk to her about your feelings and thoughts. Even if she's reluctant, she'll at least understand why you want to go and why you're upset. You could also think about making some money over the summer. You could get a part-time job to earn some pocket money and become more independent. It'd be so much more meaningful to earn money and then go on a provincial or domestic trip, and you wouldn't have to ask your parents for money.

2. Mutual understanding and respect

It's really important to let your parents know how much this trip means to you. Have a good chat with them and see what they think. If you can, go for it! But if not, just wait until you've saved up enough money. If your parents don't agree, it might not be the end of the world. You'll still have fun, even if you have to cancel temporarily. It's totally understandable if they don't agree, but try to understand their perspective. Think about why they're objecting and then try to win them over.

3. Try to see things from other people's points of view.

I know this will be meaningful for you, and it'll be a nice change of pace, too. I get where you're coming from, but if you think about it from your mom's perspective, isn't she just worried about your safety? Parents' worries are totally valid. At this age, they're still not used to their kids going on trips by themselves. The love parents have for their kids is sometimes hard to understand. You've got to learn to understand your mom and try to ease her concerns as much as you can. Traveling isn't as easy as you think. If your finances allow, it's best to travel in a group.

4. Think differently, my friend!

If you want to convince your mother, I've got some tips for you! You can make a really thorough travel plan that makes sure you're safe while still letting you have fun. And you should definitely be prepared for the worst. That means you might not be able to go, or you might run into some unexpected dangers along the way. It's really important to have a plan B. In short, you need to show your family that you're independent enough to take care of yourself. Even if you really do go out, you should still let someone know when you're safe. This is what your mom is really worried about. Give it a try!

I really hope my answer helps you! If you need to chat some more, you can just follow the question owner (just click on my personal homepage), select the Heart Exploration service, and send me a private message. I'm always here for you and I love you all!

Hello!

I read your question and I'm here to help! This kind of problem between mothers

My sweet girl has always had this little quirk. The other day, she had to make two trips to the doctor's office, and unfortunately, she couldn't finish her exam.

It's really not a good situation, and the nurses at the hospital aren't too happy about it either. When my daughter told me about it, I felt like the poor kid had been wronged.

I'll make sure he learns the right way to do things quickly. I'll make sure he doesn't get hurt again next time.

My little one tells me that all she wants is for me to comfort her.

I get the feeling this might also be the case between you and your mum.

After many intense discussions, I've put together a few helpful tips that I'm happy to share with you.

Mothers are just eager to see their little ones grow up, aren't they?

I think the reason might be that your mom has gone through something similar. She just wants to make sure you're prepared for whatever the outside world throws at you.

They're eager to share their own experiences with their children and encourage them to grow up.

It's totally understandable that the mother is feeling anxious and worried.

The poor little thing is feeling really uncomfortable.

They feel unloved and aggrieved, poor things.

I really hope I can get my lovely mum to understand and support me.

Even though it's a mother and child, it's still tricky to fully understand each other.

There's still room for more honest, emotionless communication.

It's so important to remember that both sides actually need to change at this time.

Mothers, you've got to slow down, let go of your worries, and remember that your children really need your encouragement and support. They'll find their own way, and they'll be just fine!

As a child, you should know that your mom is only trying to do right by you. She's just a little anxious and worried sometimes.

I can see that you could work on the tone and attitude you use when expressing yourself.

From what you've told me, it seems like you've already graduated from university! I think it would really help you to pay more attention to your emotions.

Take care of yourself while you're making some changes, OK? And try to communicate with your mother calmly and peacefully.

It's not something you can achieve overnight, but don't worry! My daughter and I explored it step by step over the course of several years, and we got there in the end.

The company has also had some pretty intense conflicts in recent years. My daughter was more upset than I was, bless her heart.

Hello! I'm thrilled to be able to answer your question. I hope my suggestions will be helpful to you!

From your experience, I feel there's an opportunity for us to improve communication with our mothers.

For example, your mother asked you, "Are you going to take the civil service exam?" This question is an opportunity for you to tell her that you are going to take the exam! It is not a rejection to say, "I don't allow you to go on a trip, you have to stay here and prepare for the exam."

And we were really excited to tell our mom that we wanted to travel during this time, maybe for seven days, maybe for half a month, and then come back. We were not refusing to take the civil service exam.

So, it seems that our problem was on different channels, which led to a misunderstanding between the two people. But, this also means that they have the opportunity to start fresh and enter into a new conversation!

Both people are talking about two amazing things! One person is talking about wanting to travel and see the world, and the other person is thinking about making some awesome academic plans for future career development.

The great thing is, these two things can totally coexist! Even if we're taking the civil service exam, we won't be held back if we miss a week of studying. And if we're travelling, we can still make progress by reading a book, textbook, or even memorizing a couple of key points along the way!

So, I'd highly recommend that we seize the chance to chat with our mums and let them know how we really feel. For instance, if we're craving a bit of R&R at this stage, even if it's just for a few days, going out to see the world, soak up nature and go for a lovely springtime stroll is a fantastic idea. And if our parents have time, we can all go together! Once we've had our adventure, we can do some research into the civil service exam or other postgraduate entrance exams, put together a great study plan and then give the civil service exam or postgraduate entrance exam another go!

We can absolutely make our own good career plan! And if our life goal isn't to become a civil servant or a postgraduate, we can choose our own path. There are so many great options out there, like getting a job or starting your own business!

There are so many different paths you can take in your career! Find the one that lights you up and makes you feel like you're in your element.

To convince your parents, you need to have a great plan for yourself! Let your parents know that even if you don't become a civil servant or a postgraduate, you can still have some control over your future. Your future can be very stable!

I really hope that through self-reflection or continuous communication with your mother, you can find a way of communicating that is suitable for you both and reduce misunderstandings.

The world and I love you!

Hi, I'm Coach Yu from Heart Exploration, and I'd like to talk about this topic with you.

Emotional perception is our ability to recognize, control, and regulate our emotions. It's also a form of emotional intelligence.

In "The Plastic Me," Chen Jiejun notes that many people struggle to manage their emotions and cope with challenges because they confuse feelings, emotions, and thoughts.

What are feelings? They're the physical and biological reactions of the human body to external factors.

For instance, if someone stabs you with a needle, you feel pain; if the north wind blows in winter, you feel cold. Feelings include reactions to external and internal stimuli.

As the questioner wrote, when I wanted to go on a graduation trip, my mother asked if I was going to take the civil service exam, and I felt pretty down about it.

Emotions are how people react to feelings.

For instance, if it's a scorching day and you're feeling the heat, your palms will start to sweat and your heart will beat faster. That's the emotion talking. Emotions and feelings generally respond through the peripheral nervous system of the nervous system.

As the questioner wrote, when I express my anger to my mother, she gets angrier than I do, and I feel aggrieved and angry.

So, what is a thought? It's how we make sense of our feelings and emotions.

Because thoughts involve understanding and interpretation, they usually originate in the central nervous system, not the peripheral nervous system.

As the questioner wrote, am I not worthy of going on a trip? Is it because I want to take the civil service exam?

Next, we'll take another look at this process to see if we can understand the emotional changes in ourselves and our mother. Then we'll figure out how to manage and express our emotions to solve this problem of emotional perception.

When my mother asked me, "Aren't you going to take the civil service exam?" what were my feelings and thoughts?

It's a sad, angry, and frustrated situation.

We can also ask ourselves what's causing our sadness and frustration.

What's the root of this anger?

The trip was something we had been looking forward to for a long time, and we had also received our mother's consent, so we were pretty bummed, annoyed, and angry at her question.

Psychology says that all emotions come from unmet needs. It also says that our anger towards others is a way of expressing our anger towards ourselves. We get angry with ourselves for not doing a good job, but we don't admit it to ourselves, so we take it out on others.

So let's ask ourselves: What is our own anger? What are our own needs?

If I take responsibility for my own needs, what can I do for myself right now?

What are my feelings and thoughts when my mother gets even angrier after I express my anger to her? I feel sad, frustrated, and angry.

We could even ask ourselves what our mothers' anger is about and what their needs are.

We can also ask ourselves, "If I want to meet my mother's needs, what can I do right now?" We can only deal with other people's anger when we understand how it is formed.

So, feelings, emotions, and thoughts are actually the result of a smooth coordination between the nervous system and the brain. When this coordination is seamless, you feel calm inside.

It's always a good idea to be aware of your emotions and try to record what you're feeling at the moment. Your writing is just for yourself, so feel free to write about your feelings honestly. This will help us understand the causes and effects of emotions, as well as clarify our needs and know what we want. We'll be able to distinguish between what I want and what I need.

What do other people want from me? When you know what you want, you can say no to things that aren't right for you. This kind of thinking will help you understand what you need to do to get closer to the truth.

As Winnicott said, when a person's true self begins to emerge, healing occurs. We need to get to know ourselves and face our true selves.

We can have a non-violent communication session with our mothers. This means being honest about our needs and feelings, and also listening to what our mothers need and expect from us. Good communication can help us understand each other better and improve our relationship with our parents.

If this is an issue for you, it's worth seeking help. It can be tough to overcome these things on your own. Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor, because emotions must be expressed to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

Of course, we need to keep working on ourselves and understanding ourselves better. We need to let our emotions guide us, and accept what's going on around us. At the same time, open and honest communication, mutual trust, and respect are key to maintaining a good parent-child relationship.

I'd suggest reading "The Plastic Me" and "Nonviolent Communication."

Hello. I'm Evan, a counselor in the Transactional Analysis school.

From the questioner's description, I can tell they're angry. When our decisions aren't supported by our family, we feel undeserving.

The questioner's feelings are normal. It's healthy to want to travel before graduation.

The author's mother agreed with your plan at first but then changed her mind, which made the author feel confused and upset.

The questioner's mother may worry that the civil service exam is a stable career choice.

The questioner should not give up their own dreams to please her. They need to decide what they want and stick to it.

There's a saying, "Traveling ten thousand miles is better than reading ten thousand books." Many people dream of traveling and exploring the world. For the questioner, who is about to graduate, this is also a good time to experience new things, relax, and recharge for the next step in life.

Becoming a civil servant is a common career path. It can offer stability and security.

The author's mother may be worried about the author's future. She hopes you can choose a more secure path. In many families, parents and children have different views on careers, lifestyles, and other things.

I understand the mother's worries. The questioner can try to understand her worries, communicate with her, and travel won't affect the civil service exam. It will allow the questioner to have his own unique approach to the exam.

Often, parents think they're doing what's best for their kids but end up suppressing their growth. When talking to your mom, try to calm down.

Don't argue with your mother when you're upset. Find a time to talk to her calmly. Listen to her concerns and reasons for wanting you to take the exam.

Tell her what the trip means to you and why you want to go.

Listen to her thoughts and concerns and try to understand her position.

In close relationships, we all have our own expectations and needs. The questioner can try to reach a consensus with her mother. The questioner can propose a compromise, such as traveling for a period of time first, and then focusing on preparing for the civil service exam or other career options.

Or you can say the trip won't affect your future plans. Set a time frame for the trip and start preparing for the civil service exam after it's over.

You can also ask the local government about local policies or development.

Parents often worry about their children because they think they're immature. Show your mother you're independent by making responsible choices. This will help her support your decisions.

If you still have trouble communicating, you can ask other family members or friends for help. They can give you advice and help you communicate better.

Think about what traveling means to you and how you can balance your wishes with your family's. Keeping a diary or doing other forms of self-reflection can help you understand your feelings and needs better.

If the questioner goes on a trip, prepare for it, make sure it's safe, and think about what you'll do after.

Everyone has the right to pursue happiness. Don't feel you don't deserve to travel or that you have to live up to other people's expectations.

The questioner's life is their own. You have the right to pursue your dreams and happiness. At the same time, you should respect and understand your family's thoughts and concerns. The support and understanding of your family is also important.

I hope the questioner can achieve their wishes and gain their family's support.

I hope this helps the questioner.

Hello! I'm listening to you.

It seems like your mother and you have different ideas about what's best for you.

Your mom thinks you should take the civil service exam instead of spending your time traveling, while you feel like you want to seize the last moments to enjoy, travel, and be happy. Don't worry, though! Your ideas don't conflict. You just need to do two things at the same time, which makes your mom feel a sense of urgency and worry that you can't do both things well at the same time.

I can see how you might feel aggrieved, as though your mother is being duplicitous and breaking her promises.

It's totally normal to feel ignored when your suggestions and ideas are rejected and criticized. It's also normal to feel like your needs aren't being seen or recognized, and to feel like you don't have your mother's trust. It's possible that she doesn't believe you're capable of handling two things at the same time. It's okay to feel powerless and unworthy in these situations.

Of course, these are just my guesses, and you should still make your own decisions.

So when we see that we have such thoughts and ideas, we can chat with our moms about them and come up with ways to work through them together. How can you travel again and be able to do the civil service exam well together?

Believe in yourself! You can do this!

You've studied all the way to graduate school, which shows that your learning ability is just as good as anyone else's. You're more than capable of doing what your mother wants you to do, and you'll be able to do it in the time she's given you. Give her examples and facts to show her what you can do. I'm sure she'll be happy to see what you can do!