Does the one abandoned deserve to live when the husband insists on divorce?

Hello, question asker.

First, walk straight up to a wall, lean your back against it, put your arms around yourself, and slowly squat down, keeping your back against the wall.

Take a deep breath and just hold it.

From what you've told me, it seems like your marriage wasn't a happy one. You say you often cry and that you don't get any sleep because you're up all night. I think you should go to a professional hospital to be tested for depression.

Your spouse has filed for divorce, and you've been unhappy for a while now. Your spouse may have felt the same way. After a while, one of you finally couldn't take it anymore.

So, your partner has filed for divorce.

It's not helpful to keep preaching at someone who's depressed. Their behavior is normal for someone with that illness.

If it's not depression, but rather emotions that have built up over time and can't be released, it's likely that not everyone will understand your actions.

Marriage is a joint effort between two people. If one person is constantly overwhelmed and takes on too much, and the other person is unable to support them effectively, they will eventually reach their limit.

In other words, your lover has gone on strike. It's not the time to get your lover to come back to work right away, but to take a look at yourself. What happened in your marriage?

List the state of life you want, and then compare it to the current state of life. What's the difference between the two? Of course, the ideal state you list isn't a fictional version—it's a version of regular folk married life under public order and good customs.

If you're comparing the wrong things, you won't get the right result.

In a marriage, we grow together, but if we don't keep moving forward, the marriage will also become unstable.

Ultimately, when marriages face challenges, it's often because the two partners and those around them have minimal influence.

It is important to regain your courage.

From your title alone, I gain the impression that you lack inner strength. Could you please clarify what you mean by "being abandoned"? Even if you were to get divorced, why would you define yourself as such?

It is essential to regain your inner courage and face any challenge head-on.

A new beginning is at hand.

If there is no third party between you, it indicates that your misunderstanding is significant, and neither of you is inclined to be generous or concede to the other.

Today, you are seeking answers, and I can only begin by examining your viewpoint. It is essential that you implement changes, as it is not possible for anyone to alter another person's behavior.

It is essential to ascertain what has changed in you, rather than focusing on what has changed in him. The rationale is straightforward: you are experiencing distress.

It would be advisable to have a frank discussion with your husband. It is likely that you still have feelings for each other. In order to proceed, you will need to be in a position to negotiate and to adopt a more conciliatory stance.

I will now proceed to teach you a method.

Select a weekend or other period when you have more time available and arrange for the children to be cared for by their grandparents. Dress in your best attire and prepare a meal.

When your husband arrives home, offer him a toast with the first glass of wine to express gratitude for his years of tolerance and care.

The second glass is for acknowledging the privilege of having such a good husband and identifying areas for improvement in appreciating this blessing.

For the third glass, communicate your continued affection and importance to him.

It is acceptable to express your emotions during this time, but it is important to maintain a professional demeanor. Speak from the heart about the issues you are facing.

Do not use the word "forgive." Use the word "thank you" instead.

Then, focus on making changes from within. It is possible that your husband also has shortcomings, but it is important not to dwell on these. Instead, concentrate on how you can improve yourself. If you make these changes, it is likely that your husband will also make changes.

It is essential to identify your husband's positive attributes and new characteristics, and to foster a sense of continued admiration for him.

I am confident that you can succeed.

I extend my sincerest wishes to you.

Dear Question Asker, I extend my support and best wishes from a distance.

After reviewing your inquiry, I empathize with your situation. You have invested significant effort into your marriage and have encountered numerous challenges. You indicate that you and your husband have been married for five years and frequently engage in disagreements. You express feelings of discontentment and uncertainty regarding the root cause of the issues. Additionally, you have a son whom you adore.

In theory, a family of three should be living a happy life together. However, there seems to have been a breakdown in communication and a lack of understanding between the two parties. After getting married, you may have been constantly arguing, and the affection you once had for each other has faded away. I want to reassure you that I am here to help and that I am aware of the hard work you have put in.

Regarding the lack of harmony in your married life, I am unable to ascertain the specific reason from your question. Additionally, you did not mention the reason for your frequent arguments. If discussing this topic is not convenient, you are under no obligation to do so. Your husband may have reached a point where he is no longer willing to endure the unrest that often accompanies marriage and is seeking a divorce as a means of relief. In light of his sudden request, you may be experiencing a certain degree of overwhelm.

Nevertheless, you may wish to consider whether a divorce is the best option for you. If this is not the case, it would be advisable to arrange a meeting with your husband to discuss ways of improving your relationship and reducing the number of arguments.

It is important to note that divorce is as significant for a family as marriage. Furthermore, it is not merely a personal decision; it can have a profound impact on three families. I hope your husband will carefully consider these implications.

Dear Question Author, I wish you the best in this situation. I am rooting for you and the world is too.

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, I can see how scared and unhappy you are after your husband filed for divorce. It's totally okay to feel afraid, but we'll get through this together. You'll be stronger and more powerful than you think.

The questioner describes that since having a child, she has not been very happy with her husband. It's totally normal to feel this way! We all want to be able to get along with our husbands one day, right?

The questioner described: I've been crying for the past two years. I just don't feel happy, and I'm not sure what my purpose in life is. So I'd like to ask you, is this because of the negative emotions you feel when you're with your husband? Or is it something else?

I'm wondering if you've ever felt this way in the past two years? What did you do at that time, or what helped you not to have negative thoughts?

The questioner described how both parties are at fault. You thought that your children would grow up and that would be fine, but you still don't feel happy, and your husband is also resistant to this low-pressure atmosphere. I'd like to gently encourage the questioner to realize that you think both parties are at fault, and have you communicated this?

If you've made a mistake, don't worry! We all make mistakes. Just try to correct it. What is this "low pressure"?

The questioner describes how your husband's proposal for divorce has made you doubt yourself. It's so brave of you to come here and look for answers. I'd love to know what kind of strength supports you.

It's so great that you're here! It shows you have certain expectations. What kind of expectations? And when you achieve these expectations, how will you be different?

Who will be the first to notice your change?

I just wanted to say to the original poster that no matter what happens between you and your husband, you deserve to live your best life! You are worthy of happiness, and you should never give up on yourself because of other people.

It's totally normal to feel sad and doubt yourself when you're going through a breakup or divorce. It's only temporary, though, and it'll pass. You've got this! Just take a deep breath and face it bravely. You'll be okay!

I don't know all the details of your situation, but I'm here to help!

Let's start by adjusting our mindset and making a few changes to ourselves.

If we dwell on the bad things, it can really drag us down. I know you're going through a rough patch, but is it really helping to keep feeling this way? It might be worth adjusting your mindset. You have to know that if you want a good life, you can only change yourself, work hard, and face it positively in order to have a chance to start over and have a better life.

There's a great saying in psychology that I think we can all relate to: "People who try to change others are psychopaths." It's so true! The best way to make a difference in the long run is to focus on changing yourself.

It's so important to learn to love yourself!

There's a lovely saying: loving yourself is the greatest love of all. But in life, we often forget ourselves, and while being nice to others, we lose ourselves and cross the line, which makes both parties tired.

If you can't even love yourself, it's okay! There's no one right way to love others. Learn to love yourself and pay attention to yourself, and then other people will be able to see you and value you.

I'd also like to suggest that you discover your strengths and cultivate your interests.

I know that after getting married, especially having children, will be very tiring. Every day you will be revolving around your children, which is a wonderful thing! But it can also mean that we will have grievances and bad emotions inside. So when you have time, discover your own strengths and potential, and cultivate hobbies, so that we can divert our attention, forget about those unpleasant times, and concentrate on doing the things you like. In this way, does the questioner think that happiness will slowly be cultivated?

And last but not least, it's so important to have good communication with your family members!

I think the questioner came here to ask, or to hold out a glimmer of hope, but I truly believe the solution to this problem lies within you. If you don't want a divorce, I encourage you to try effective communication, calm down, reflect on yourself, and communicate with your husband with all your heart. Continue effectively, and it doesn't matter if it doesn't work—it will also help our lives in the future.

Let's not forget to release those negative emotions!

We're often encouraged to be emotionally stable adults. It can be scary to express negative emotions, and we often learn to suppress and hide them.

It's so important to remember that if we suppress our emotions and let them build up inside us, they can actually turn inward and attack our body organs.

The wonderful thing about Traditional Chinese Medicine is that it shows us how many physical discomforts are caused by psychological factors.

Fear can really take a toll on our kidneys, sadness can affect our lungs, thinking can impact our spleen, joy can strain our heart, and anger can harm our liver.

Every emotion is worthy of our attention, and it's especially important to learn how to release emotional energy in a healthy way.

There are so many ways to do this! You can go for a run, take a trip, listen to some tunes, chat with a friend, or even see a professional counselor.

You might also find it helpful to read some psychology books, such as "Nonviolent Communication," "Intimacy for a Lifetime," and "Why Families Hurt."

Finally, I just want to say to the original poster that I know you're sad, but letting go of someone else first doesn't mean you're not good enough. You are so unique in this world, and you deserve better.

You are you, not just your husband's wife, your child's mother, or your parents' daughter! Live for yourself, sweetheart. Life is meaningless, but the meaning we gain from the process of continuous searching is the emotion and feeling we experience.

Come on, my friend! The world and I love you!

Thank you so much for being so honest!

From your description, it sounds like your relationship with your husband has reached a point where things are a bit icy. But you've tried to work on it, and you're ready to keep going! And after having a child, the little things in marriage have come at you full force. But you're up for the challenge, and you know that these little things don't matter in the long run.

First, ask yourself how you feel in this relationship. You say you are already unhappy.

What is happiness? It is the satisfaction of needs! So, what are your needs in this marriage?

Have you considered your husband's needs? It's so important to make sure your spouse knows what you need!

Do you satisfy each other? Absolutely! Some people need their wives to care about their daily lives and make them feel the warmth of the family. If their wives are strong women who don't take care of the family much, then they will have conflicts.

However, some men have different hopes for their family. They hope that their family can have a better material standard and more choices in life. If they themselves have not developed as well in their careers as their wives, then they will also support their strong-willed wives. This will help them get along more harmoniously!

This depends on the situation, which means there are so many possibilities!

Second, is there a third party in your marriage? If there is no third party between you, then it is still a problem between the two of you, and the child is not a third party for you.

You two can absolutely face this together and find a solution! If there is a third party, you can determine whether your husband has changed his mind and whether he must be with the third party. Then you can consider the division of property and children.

It's realistic though. If he doesn't, your suspicion will probably make him seek comfort elsewhere, but that's okay!

Marriage is based on trust—and it's a beautiful thing!

Finally, marriage is a matter of two families. The good news is that even if you are willing to make improvements, you still need the cooperation of both families, and you need to be clear about what you expect from each other's families. The even better news is that you can avoid any regrets!

You two have children, and what you need to consider is not maintaining a fake marriage, but truly loving his parents!

When you expect love, you must first love others: your husband, your children, his family, your family. And the best part is, love is a verb! So, go out there and love people!

Best of luck!