Doesn't it feel a bit like being a child, needing encouragement and support, and wanting to be treated this way?

Hello, questioner! I'm Wang Enhoo, your friendly neighborhood psychological counselor.

Let's chat about your topic together!

1. "I need encouragement and support." This is something we all need, and it's a basic psychological need. Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory shows us that once our basic needs like food and safety are taken care of, we naturally start to seek belonging, love, and respect.

2. "I need to be treated this way." The good news is that if we have good external objects when we are young and gradually internalize them, we will become good internal objects. This means we will approve of ourselves and be satisfied with ourselves! On the other hand, if it is a bad external object and gradually internalized, it will become a bad internal object. This can lead us to belittle ourselves and deny ourselves, which is definitely not what we want!

Let's take an example. When we were little, our mums were usually very gentle, attentive, and tolerant towards us. This was a great external object. We felt and experienced it, and gradually this external object of a good mum was internalized and came into play: I am worthy of love, I am good, I am liked. If someone in reality likes you, then you will be more satisfied with yourself.

If someone doesn't like themselves, they're not going to deny themselves just because others in the outside world don't like them. They'll evaluate themselves more objectively.

3. "Isn't it a bit like a child?" If we don't have a good and stable internal object formed in our hearts, we will be vulnerable to external evaluations. If people say we are good, we will be happy. If they say we are not, we might become a bit pessimistic, disappointed, resentful, and angry. So, how do we evaluate ourselves?

So, is this evaluation objective? Do you approve of yourself, like yourself, and are you satisfied with yourself?

It's so important to understand our own needs, see ourselves as we really are, find good and stable things in our lives, think about what we like about ourselves, and gradually form a positive self-image.

I really hope that my discussion has been helpful and enlightening for you.

Good morning,

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a heart exploration coach. I've taken the time to carefully read the post, and I understand your confusion.

At the same time, I also noticed that the poster has courageously expressed his own confusion and actively sought help on the platform, which will undoubtedly help the poster to better understand and recognize himself, so as to adjust himself and encounter a better self.

I hope you will find my observations and thoughts on the post helpful in viewing the situation from a more diverse perspective.

1. Personality theory

In the post, the host mentioned that he needs encouragement and support, and that he needs to be treated like this. It could be perceived as being somewhat childlike, particularly when one is in a helpless situation.

First of all, I empathize with your confusion. Let's take a moment to understand why you're experiencing this.

I would like to take this opportunity to share some more specialized knowledge.

Personality theory suggests that a complete personality consists of three self-states. These are:

The parent self-state could be thought of as the internalized parent state, which may include aspects such as authority, rules, care, and encouragement.

The adult self-state is characterised by rational thinking and objective analysis.

The child's ego state could be thought of as the internalized state of our childhood.

This personality theory suggests that a complete personality consists of these three self-states. It may be helpful for the poster to consider using this personality theory to gain insight into themselves.

In the post, the host mentioned that when they are in a helpless situation, they hope to receive encouragement and support. At this time, we are often "regressing," as psychology would say. We are adults, but when we encounter setbacks, our psychological state may also regress to that of a child.

It would be beneficial at this time to offer support and understanding.

2. I believe these three states could be useful to us.

From different perspectives, these three states are actually useful for us. For example, in the child state, when we encounter setbacks and are not yet able to face them, this is the time when we retreat to the child's state of self, reassure ourselves, protect ourselves, and accumulate strength. This can be a helpful approach.

I believe that experiencing the feeling of being encouraged and loved in the child state can increase our sense of happiness. The original poster mentioned that you are particularly good at encouraging children, so this may be the parent's self-state.

You may find that each part is important in its own way. It may also help to consider that we can benefit from switching and adjusting between these three states.

3. Consider ways to satisfy your own needs.

The host mentioned that when he feels helpless, he needs the recognition, encouragement, and support of his loved ones. This is a very high and idealistic standard for his loved ones, and he feels like a delicate flower in need of care. I can understand how you feel.

I believe that when loved ones fail, we may also feel lost and disappointed at this time.

It might be helpful to remember that when we feel helpless, we need to be cared for.

It could be said that only by being cared for can we feel secure, and this is our basic need. With this in mind, it might be helpful to consider Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory. We have needs, but in fact there are many ways to meet our needs.

We can hope that our loved ones and friends will be able to meet our needs, and we can also learn to meet and care for ourselves. Given that other people are not always within our control, there may be instances where, despite the willingness of our loved ones, they may not have the capacity to meet our needs.

For this reason, it is important to remember that we can only control ourselves.

Then we have the opportunity to take the initiative in our emotions and take control of them. From the first point, we know that there are three states in our hearts, and I have also discovered that the landlord is particularly good at comforting and caring for children.

I believe this shows that your parents have developed their ego state very well. This ability could be very helpful to you.

If you find yourself in the self-state of a child, you may benefit from learning to mobilize your parental self-state to comfort yourself.

How do you typically respond when your child is upset? If your child does this, how would you comfort and encourage them?

You may find it helpful to reassure and encourage yourself in the same way.

I hope that these will be of some help and inspiration to you. If you have any questions, you are welcome to click on Find a Coach to have one-on-one communication and in-depth discussions.

This morning, the sky was shrouded in a haze.

However, there is no need to be concerned.

The sun is still obscured by clouds.

I would like to extend a gentle message to all kind people around the world.

The words and language used have the power to influence outcomes. The same words may have different meanings in different contexts.

Appropriate encouragement can facilitate progress in one's life, whereas misguided encouragement can impede emotional growth. Encouragement can be effectively utilized to foster positive growth and mental health in children.

Anything that does not affect the lives of ourselves and others, and that can make us happy, is worthwhile. It is important to recognize that everyone is unique, and there is no single definition of what each person should be like.

Each individual's life is distinct, and there is no requirement to adhere to a predefined template or framework. Diverse growth environments and life experiences have shaped our unique thoughts and perspectives. We are all pursuing our own independent paths. My primary concern is to identify factors that could potentially lead to a loss of self, freedom, or happiness.

It is a common misconception that other people's encouragement has shaped our lives. In reality, however, our lives are always in our own hands. Each of us is responsible for choosing the path we walk in life. While the words and actions of others may influence us, we are the ones who truly decide how to live our lives.

It is not possible to save someone who is unwilling to be saved. The decision to be saved is always the person's own. We tend to view others as sources of positive influence, which is why they appear so admirable to us. This is because we have given them our blessing with our words and actions.

Those who are gentle always hope to be treated with the same courtesy. We can be gentle, but we also need the courage to be our own light. Life belongs to ourselves, and we will always encounter individuals with different personalities and approaches.

It is not always possible to work in an environment that is gentle. It is important to be able to demonstrate both gentleness and courage when faced with a harsh environment.