Don't your parents give your daughter a dowry?

Hello girl,

This is a reading comprehension question:

"Work hard and save up for your own dowry. Our family is too poor to give you any dowry."

Your mother was completely honest with you!

You misinterpreted what your mother said. She did not lie to you.

Your mother told you, "Our family is too poor to prepare a dowry for you."

She did not say, "Our family is too poor to have any money."

Your mother felt that the only thing she could do with the meager savings was

[If the son gets married, he must pay for the house] VS [If the daughter gets married, she must pay for the dowry].

She chose her son, not only because she favored him over the daughter, but also because she was forced to do so by the fact that nowadays, if the man doesn't have the money to buy a house, he can't get married. Some parents are even more extreme, not only not giving their daughter a dowry, but also demanding a high bride price for their daughter to subsidize their son's bride price.

It's unfair, but it's a social reality.

Let's be real. Compared to daughters, there are not many who cannot get married because they have no dowry.

Your abilities were more outstanding, and your mother was certain that you would prepare for marriage by working hard on your dowry.

That's why your mother informed you two years ago so that you could prepare yourself.

"Hello. Work hard to prepare yourself a dowry. Our family is too poor to afford one for you."

Apart from the stubborn and outdated idea of male superiority,

Parents usually take better care of the child who is less capable.

You have every right to resent your mother for loving your brother more than you and for accusing her of favoritism.

But she didn't deceive you.

[On how to face getting married]

From my own experience, I can tell you this: do a good job of saving face!

Your future husband may love you very much and your in-laws may be very open-minded, but

You believe that marriage should be what you want it to be. You can keep it simple according to your means, but you cannot omit the essentials.

This way, you will be justified and will not feel like you have lost face. You will not feel aggrieved or resentful in the future.

You worked hard and saved some money for the dowry.

You can finance it yourself and let your parents cooperate to make a grand occasion of it.

If your parents can't give you face, then you must give yourself face!

Good afternoon!

After reading your description, I totally get what your mother was saying!

Our family may be poor, but we have so much to offer you!

Her subtext seems to be:

I have some money, and I'm saving it for my younger brother!

At the end, you say that you have also worked hard, and I am so proud of you!

and saved some money for a dowry!

I let out a big, long, relieved sigh because I realized that there was absolutely nothing to fear!

You have the energy to take care of and provide for yourself, and it's so inspiring to see!

I'm so proud of you! I'm so happy!

You are such a capable girl!

You said you wouldn't be angry if your family had no money!

They favor their younger brother, saying one thing to his face and doing another behind his back. You are very angry, and I admire you for it!

This is totally natural! After all, you are your parents' child.

Because you are a daughter, you have the incredible opportunity to receive love from your parents in a different way!

I really do believe that what you care about most is not money.

But the parental love behind the money!

Absolutely! Wealth is a wonderful manifestation of love.

You can earn money yourself!

That means you have the amazing ability to love!

So when you say that this may be the reason why you haven't married yet,

I want to give you a big, warm hug and say to you:

Absolutely! You already have the love and the ability to manage it!

And in the future, wealth will accumulate more and more!

And the love will just keep on growing!

At that time, you will encounter a truly beautiful love and marriage!

It doesn't matter whether they give you a dowry or not!

Absolutely! You will still be a part of this family, if you want to be.

If you don't want to, you can absolutely prepare your dowry independently!

And then you can complete your wedding!

Your parents can be your gateway to a brighter future! They can also help you grow spiritually and socially.

But when your energy and abilities are finally strong!

You will absolutely shine!

Guess what! Parents and all good things will gravitate towards you!

The future is going to be amazing!

Hello, questioner! I am Jia Ao Bu Xun.

I came across your request for help on the platform and, after reading your description and some of the replies in the comment area, I could sense that you're upset with your parents. It seems that you're sad and disappointed that your parents don't intend to prepare a dowry for you. However, there might be more to it than just the lack of a dowry. It's possible that you feel differently treated by your parents. While the issue might initially seem to be about money, it could also be about parental love. It's understandable if you feel hurt and disappointed. I'm here to listen and support you.

Perhaps we could have a chat?

Let me help you sort out your thoughts: Your mother told you early on, "Work hard and save up some dowry for yourself, our family is too poor to give you any dowry." Not long after that, she quietly bought your younger brother a house. At that moment, you had the feeling that perhaps you weren't really her biological child, and you felt ashamed and sad.

It's understandable that you're upset with your family for not preparing a dowry for you. It's also fair to be angry at them for hiding and deceiving you. This kind of behavior is hurtful and confusing. You must be feeling very confused inside, wondering why you're being treated so differently from your siblings, even though you are all biological.

It might be helpful to consider that just because you have the ability to earn money, it doesn't necessarily mean you can't get the love and care of your parents.

2. From your parents' perspective, they did have to make a choice between you and your younger brother at an early age. Perhaps in their eyes, you are indeed very capable and can save money for your dowry, while your younger brother needs their help more than you. Or maybe they are just deeply rooted in the traditional concept of raising children to support them in their old age, and no matter how good you are and how much money you make, you will sooner or later marry into someone else's family. These are just some of our guesses. They must have their reasons for doing this, right? You can try to analyze the situation from their perspective.

Even if they are no longer your parents, they don't want to hurt their children. You might perceive their actions as overly conservative and pedantic, stemming from underlying patriarchal thinking. However, it's important to remember that you are their biological child.

3. From your perspective, it's natural to want to enjoy equal parental care and attention as your younger brother and to want to receive your parents' favoritism. It's understandable that you don't like being treated differently, and it's understandable that you're upset now that this has happened. However, it might be helpful to try to communicate with them and find out why this arrangement is necessary, just because you are capable of earning money.

You might consider telling them that, regardless of your abilities, you desire to be loved and valued just as your younger brother is, particularly given the significance of marriage in your life. You could gently share your true inner feelings and express your concerns with them. When it comes to your daughter's marriage, the amount of dowry may not be your primary concern. What you value most is the support and backing from your family. Instead of making a harsh statement like, "Our family doesn't have the financial means to provide a dowry, so you'll have to work hard and save up for it yourself," you could offer a more nuanced approach.

4. With regard to the dowry, it is worth noting that it does not necessarily represent a substantial amount. The value placed on it can vary considerably depending on the views of the two families involved. Local customs may also differ from one place to another. In some instances, the dowry is viewed as a valuable gesture, while in others, it is seen as a token of appreciation. Additionally, the amount given by the groom's family as a bride price can also play a role. It is important to recognise that in some remote areas, traditional values may still place a higher value on sons than daughters. This can lead to a perception that everything within the family belongs to the son. In such cases, the bride price may be high, and there may not be a prepared dowry. This can be seen as a way of ensuring the daughter's future within the family, rather than a reflection of a lack of value placed on her. It is essential for the groom's family to maintain a balanced perspective, regardless of whether they receive a dowry from the bride's family. The most important aspect of marriage is the wife, not the dowry she brings. While the dowry is a part of the etiquette, it can also reflect the groom's attitude. Therefore, it is essential to consider the circumstances and the individual involved. If the man you marry in the future is genuinely interested in you and is not overly concerned about the dowry you have prepared, the focus should be on building a happy and fulfilling life together. It is likely that you possess the necessary skills and resilience to navigate this aspect of marriage.

5. I am also very proud of you for becoming so independent and confident. You have a stable job and income, and you are capable of loving yourself and others well. You have enough love energy to give to others. It is important to remember that, no matter what your parents are like, you should try not to let them affect you. Whether they are good or bad, you can try to accept them as they are. If you can't change them, you can choose to change yourself. You are angry with them now, but I believe you will continue to interact with them. If they keep asking for things, you can choose to accept or refuse them directly.

6. Given your current abilities, it's likely that you would avoid getting into that awkward situation. If you know that your parents won't give you a dowry, and a dowry is very important to you, it might be helpful to start saving for your dowry now, rather than waiting until you're about to get married. This problem is not difficult to solve at all. If they really act as inconsiderate as they say, you might consider not giving them the bride price, or just giving them a little as a formality. It's important to remember that you can't do anything about them, and they can't do anything about you. Of course, it's best not to get to that point. I'd rather you believe that your parents are just joking with you and won't really abandon you. After all, you're not getting married yet. It's important to remember that you still have a long life ahead of you, and you're so good and outstanding, you deserve better!

7. Thank you for raising the important question about how to support your parents in the future. I believe that, with a little analysis, we can find the best way forward. If you have a good parent-child relationship, it's likely that you don't need to say anything else. Just be sincere and exchange your hearts. If you have a less positive relationship, it's still important to consider your obligations. As long as your parents have not abandoned you, you have a duty to support them. This may mean fulfilling the most basic obligations, but it's also about understanding your parents' needs. If you're willing to look at things more closely, you can do so. If you're not, you don't have to live together. This is similar to how parents treat their children. There is a difference between abandonment and favoritism. As long as your parents have not abandoned you and have not supported you, the law will not intervene. It's a matter of internal favoritism, which is something only you can decide.

8. Finally, I hope you will start to love yourself now, take care of yourself while working hard, be kind to yourself, believe in yourself, believe in love, and also believe that you will meet better people and things. As for your parents, I would gently suggest that you just be yourself and don't think too much about moral kidnapping. You might find it helpful to be true to your heart and have a clear conscience.

I hope my answer can be of some help to you. I wish you all the best in your endeavours.

Hi, I'm a heart exploration coach. I'm here to listen and support you.

I understand your frustration. Because of your parents' traditional views on "son preference," they gave your younger brother money to buy a house but not enough for your dowry, which was a big disappointment for you.

It's not about whether you have a dowry. What really hurts is feeling unimportant, unvalued, and unloved by your parents.

Let's start with a warm hug and then take a look at the problem.

We all want to be seen, valued, recognized, and accepted.

Our relationships with others are really a reflection of our relationship with our parents.

As our significant others, parents provide us with the "psychological nutrition" we need for physical and mental health. This includes the ability to love, the ability to connect with others, a sense of security, independence, and a sense of worth.

In particular, when our parents accept us unconditionally and affirm, praise, and recognize us, we feel a sense of worth, worthiness, and acceptance by others.

People who are constantly rejected, criticized, and blamed by their parents are likely to develop a low sense of self-worth, become self-deprecating, sensitive, and paranoid.

If your mother says, "Our family is poor, so we can't afford a dowry," you might think, "I'm not valuable," or "I'm not worth it," which could lead to a low sense of self-worth.

A sense of security, worthiness, and existence are what drive us to do things and make us happy in life.

Here's some advice:

As adults, we're our own best friends, giving ourselves the emotional support we need.

The simplest way is to give yourself positive feedback, affirm your worth, and accept yourself.

2. Getting things done on your own

First, we have to separate ourselves psychologically from our parents.

The physical separation from our mothers is marked by cutting the umbilical cord.

Maturing and growing through learning and exercising independence are key to psychological separation.

No matter what others think or say about us, our self-worth is our own opinion of ourselves and has nothing to do with what others think.

We all have our own way of seeing things and making judgments. We're used to looking at things from our own perspective, using our own outlook on life and feelings.

Parents have their own lives, marriages, and views on raising kids.

Next, it's important to distinguish between a parent's identity and their behavior.

All parents love their kids, but sometimes they don't know how to show it.

The child only wants one pear, but the parents spend all their money and buy the child a cartload of apples. It's a mismatch of love.

But parents have already given their all to their children, even if that's not what the kids want.

Your mother loves you too, but not necessarily in the way you can accept and feel.

Parents also have their limitations, which they learn from their own parents. These include their experiences growing up and the material deprivation of their economic situation.

If you accept your parents' imperfections, think from their perspective, and consider more viewpoints, you'll have more options.

The traditional thinking is that a son needs to have a house when he gets married. A daughter can get married without a dowry.

These are social conventions. Without a house, it's difficult to marry off a daughter.

"You don't know your parents' kindness until you have children of your own." All parents want their kids to be happy.

You also have the ability to provide your own dowry. I just hope your parents can be more sincere with you. Sometimes parents feel guilty when faced with their children.

There are three levels of filial piety: respecting your parents, supporting them, and honoring them. You're sensible, and I believe you can understand your parents. You'll be able to reap even greater happiness.

I'd highly recommend "You Should Fly Like a Bird to Your Mountain" as a great read about moving beyond your original family.

I hope this is helpful to you. Best, [Name]

If you'd like to talk more, just click on "Heart Exploration Coach."

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm a pretty modest and unassuming person, and I like to think that's a good thing!

It's so important to have a good, clear understanding of our relationship with our family.

In China, the idea of male superiority has always existed. Everyone agrees that raising children is for old age, so people's thoughts and perceptions of boys and girls are inherently different. It's okay if your family thinks differently or if other people's families treat you differently. We all have a basic psychological foundation that the probability of disappointment will be a little smaller.

It's so true that parents love their kids in different ways. We're all our parents' children, but we love them in different ways, too. Our family situations are different, too, as our mom said in her description.

So, when is it okay to have a different relationship with our parents and our family? When should we start to have some space, and when should we start to repay them? There's no one-size-fits-all answer, and we'll act and understand according to our upbringing.

Marriage and family: how can we help you feel more stable in your own state of mind?

As children of the same parents, being treated differently is something that no one would ever want to feel. I totally get how you feel, and I really hope that in the future we can learn to love ourselves better and be in a better state.

Our personal reasons for choosing marriage will actually be influenced by many factors, and the influence of the original family is the most important. For this reason, it's really helpful to learn to separate ourselves from our original family to a certain extent. After all, the road ahead is more of a journey we take on our own, and the degree of happiness we experience is mostly down to us!

Ultimately, it's our personal state of mind towards marriage that will determine our choice. If our parents didn't prepare a dowry, we might end up dealing with a few extra issues, like the bride price. So, it's probably best to wait until later to discuss this and plan accordingly.

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, I'm Strawberry!

I see you've been through a lot, and I'm here to support you. From your description, it seems like your parents have a traditional mindset about daughters marrying into another family. If you prepare a large dowry, it can feel like you're giving money to others. It's understandable if you feel frustrated by your parents' views, as they're not the most progressive. But, there's hope! Many people in society have similar beliefs, but there are also many who are open to change.

When your younger brother got married, your parents, who had told you that your family was poor, bought your brother a house without saying a word. This obvious contrast made the questioner feel that her parents favored her younger brother too much, and she was also very angry at her parents for such an attitude. The questioner's reaction is very normal, but no matter how angry she is, she cannot change her parents' old-fashioned concepts and ideas – and that's okay!

In your family, do parents not prepare a dowry for their daughters? It's a wonderful tradition!

● Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand your parents' actions.

It looks like your family's finances are doing really well! Your parents have told you to prepare your own dowry, which is a great idea. How much do you think you'll need for your dowry? Different places have different customs, so it's hard to say. When I got married, my parents only gave me some goldware and some money, which was great because it meant my husband's family gave me a bride price. My parents received some of it and gave some to me as dowry. I didn't think about it much at the time, but it was a great experience!

The parents of the original poster bought their younger brother a house when he got married. This was a great idea because it helped to reduce conflicts between the younger brother and his wife after they got married and lived with your extended family. Here's another way of looking at it: if you get married, would you rather live with a large family or live with your partner on your own?

I absolutely believe that the amount of dowry is not a good indicator of how a person is treated. It's how the partner treats you! They say a man's attitude determines his wife's status in the family, so the dowry is only a part of your property. Parents have the right to arrange their own money, and as adult children, we cannot interfere.

Now for the big question: where does your true anger lie?

The questioner sees a huge difference in the way their parents treat them and their younger brother. This is what makes you feel lost. But you can choose to feel lost no more! You can choose to accept that some parents are just like this with old-fashioned thinking. And you can choose to believe that you can still rely on your sons for support in your old age.

A female friend of mine is a hard worker, supporting her family financially. She's on a mission to show that daughters are just as capable as sons. Unfortunately, her parents have this mindset: when parents get old, they have to rely on their sons. So when her son is lazy and doesn't work hard, her parents demand more from her just for her son. She's faced with challenges, but she's determined to succeed. She's not afraid to prove herself, even if it means facing disappointment.

Although parents may think that sons are more important than daughters, the questioner doesn't agree. They feel that both genders are equally important to their parents and deserve the same love and support. They are also frustrated that they cannot change their parents' way of thinking. What you want is actually very simple: just a little bit of fair treatment!

Take responsibility for yourself and seize the day!

Parents gave birth to us and raised us to adulthood. They are responsible for taking care of us while we are still minors. In some countries, parents are only required to support their children until the age of 18, after which the children are responsible for supporting themselves.

The questioner said that he is now 27 years old, which is already an adult. That means he has the exciting opportunity to take care of his own living needs! Even if his parents have the concept of son preference, they have raised him and provided him with a complete education. That means that when his parents grow old, he has the incredible responsibility to support them.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner! Wishing you the best!

Good day.

If I might humbly offer my observation, I believe that their behavior of saying one thing to your face and doing another behind your back is causing you distress.

It is understandable that you were taken aback by the way your parents treated you. This must have been a very confusing and distressing experience for you, compounded by various other emotions such as sadness and anger.

Given our upbringing in the values of filial piety and human relationships, it is perhaps understandable that we did not foresee the possibility that the person we trusted the most, who seemed so kind, might not be entirely consistent in their actions.

It is important to remember that lying to one's own daughter is a form of disrespect that can negatively impact the parent-child relationship. While it is natural for parents to prioritize their own image, doing so can often be counterproductive.

I can imagine that you are feeling quite sad.

As a psychology student, I'm wondering if there's been an improvement in the questioner's mood.

It would seem that parents' views on traditional culture are not entirely aligned with the best interests of their children. There is also a relatively serious male cult.

You mentioned that you are not yet married, which may be influenced by the opinions of your family members and the environment of your family. Sometimes, this can make it difficult to identify one's gender.

It is often the case that women feel the need to demonstrate their confidence in a relationship, which can sometimes involve presenting a more traditionally feminine image. It is not always enough to simply be capable of taking care of oneself in order to attract the opposite sex. Sometimes, men may feel like they are not desired.

It's not always possible to change your parents.

You may wish to consider choosing to be a more authentic version of yourself, and perhaps avoid trying to fulfill expectations that are too stereotypical. It might also be helpful to avoid internalizing their needs as your own.

A person's strength can be seen in their posture and eyes. It is possible to find a way to move on from the pain of lacking parental love.

Dear Sir/Madam, Thank you for your question.

From your description, it appears that your family exhibits a proclivity for favoring boys over girls, which may explain why your parents concealed the fact that they purchased a house for your younger brother. Additionally, your mother indicated that she would not prepare a dowry for you, or that she was disinclined to do so, which suggests that she does not value you.

You are experiencing a range of negative emotions, including sadness, distress, and anger. I offer you a gesture of comfort from a distance.

The influence of the original family is profound, and parents' views are also shaped by the preceding generation. It is not possible to alter our parents' views, so it may be more beneficial to accept them, given that they were not mature in character when they raised us. Consequently, while raising us, they will have espoused a multitude of erroneous views and imparted a flawed education.

It is a common phenomenon for parents to allocate varying degrees of affection to their multiple children. There is a historical and cultural preference for sons, largely due to the belief that men are the primary carriers of the family lineage. While the actions of parents cannot be controlled, the decisions of their children can be shaped by their own choices.

This presents an opportunity for the original poster to mature. When confronted with parental favoritism, it is beneficial to consider one's desired identity and lifestyle. While modifying parental attitudes is challenging, it is crucial to determine one's desired identity.

It is not uncommon for individuals to experience feelings of anger or resentment towards their parents. However, it is important to recognise that despite these emotions, it is not possible to alter one's parents' way of thinking. The only aspect that can be influenced is one's own behaviour and actions.

It is not uncommon for regions to eschew the practice of dowries. Indeed, it is not unusual for parents to decline to provide one in the event that their financial circumstances are less than optimal.

It is imperative to prioritize self-care, regardless of how one's parents treat them. It is crucial to assess the impact of parental behavior on one's emotional well-being. Learning to take care of oneself, cultivate contentment, and provide self-affirmation is essential. Additionally, it is vital to develop self-responsibility, including in regard to one's emotions, and to foster self-love. This process also entails establishing a sound value system for life, which can be passed on to future generations.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to you.

Questioner, great work!

You can feel the unfair treatment and discrimination between your parents, and you feel aggrieved and angry. At the same time, you are afraid that other people will look down on you or make wild guesses about you because you didn't get much dowry when you got married. I feel very sorry for the questioner for growing up in such a family environment and atmosphere. I guess the questioner also felt this kind of parental partiality more or less when growing up, but it was especially prominent in the matter of dowry.

You may have been able to convince yourself that you, as the elder sister, should give way to your younger brother. And although it was uncomfortable, you didn't pay it much mind. But now it's time to accept the dowry!

The great news is that we can decide our own lives and make our own choices on how to deal with these things, even though parents cannot choose and it is decided at birth.

1. Let it all out! Get in touch with your feelings, recognize your inner needs, and embrace what's happened.

It's totally normal to feel angry and aggrieved when you're facing injustice, especially when those who are doing it are supposed to be your closest parents. So when you notice these emotions, give yourself permission to feel them! Then, let it all out by talking to friends, your future husband, or anyone else you trust. If you feel it's a good idea, you can even express your emotions and the need to be treated fairly and understood to your parents.

I bet you're feeling angry because deep down you want to be treated equally by your parents and loved and cared for. This is a totally valid emotional need! Once you're aware of your inner needs, you can focus on other relationships, like with your future husband, and gain a sense of intimacy from them.

If there is really no change in the thoughts and actions of your parents after you have tried to express your emotions and needs, you have the power to consider your own choices from the perspective of your own well-being! Wouldn't it feel great to choose not to dwell on this and accept this fact?

2. Adjust your self-perception and rationalize your views on dowry and marriage.

You say that you are afraid to get married now, and I can see why! You're worried that you won't have a dowry when you get married, and that people will speculate that you may not have parents, or that you may be ashamed to have your parents there when you get married. From your description, I can feel that you attach great importance to the dowry. Of course, perhaps deep down you are afraid that if other people know that your parents don't value you, they will even more belittle you. But I'm here to tell you that you can overcome these fears!

It's totally normal to have these thoughts, but it's also a great idea to ask yourself a few questions. Is it true that if there's no dowry or just a little dowry, other people will ignore you and look down on you? For example, you can find out what your future husband and in-laws are thinking, and think about it from the perspective of others. If it were your best friend who experienced something like this, how would you think of her?

It's very likely that your future husband and others will not look down on you because of this matter. In fact, they may even feel sorry for you! As for the many other unimportant people, they may have some bad speculations and thoughts, but you can think about whether that will have a big impact on you.

It's probably just gossip. And you know what? That's totally okay! It's impossible to make everyone feel good, no matter what.

3. Take the plunge and break through your internal barriers! Take action and move towards the future with gusto!

Once you've gained self-awareness and re-examined these matters from a new perspective, you can start to break through your inner barriers with this new state of mind! You can reconcile with your parents and yourself, and start walking your own independent life path. You can start to see what you can do to make yourself more comfortable, and gradually start doing the things you were worried about before. You can break through your inner barriers, such as advancing your relationship with your partner and entering the marriage hall!

And remember, you can choose how you react to your parents' actions. You can decide what attitude and behavior you want to adopt when facing them. If they have caused you more harm, you can simply fulfill your legal and moral duty of care and live your own life.

I wish the original poster all the best!

How are you doing, sweetheart? I can imagine how you must have felt when your mother said she wouldn't prepare a dowry for you. It's natural to feel a range of emotions in situations like this. I can also understand how your parents buying your younger brother a house made you feel like they were saying one thing to your face and doing another. It's only natural to question them when you feel this way. It's totally normal to feel emotional, and if someone else were in your shoes, they would feel the same way. But have you thought about looking at the problem from a different perspective? Or maybe looking more deeply at the problem, separating the emotions from the events, so that the pain you feel won't be so intense?

First of all, you said yourself that you can prepare your own dowry, which shows you're an independent and capable girl, and you're the older sister. Maybe your parents think you're independent and capable, too, which is great! Even though it wasn't the best thing for them to say, it's also possible they were joking because the questioner didn't mention whether they were getting married and your parents weren't going to prepare a dowry.

If it hasn't happened yet, you can think about it when it does. I know it's tough, but try not to worry about it now. Thinking about it now won't solve anything, but it will add a lot of worry and pressure to your life.

Let's go back to the younger brother's side for a moment. I can understand why you feel like you're being treated differently because your parents bought your younger brother a house. I'm not defending your parents, though. I'm also an older sister with a younger brother, and my younger brother is very good. He often compares me to him. I was also very painful before, and I felt a lot of unfairness.

I think I may be able to look at things more objectively now. This is a common problem for most parents of that age. If they are wealthy, they will buy their son a flat to keep for when he marries his wife. The point of view in those days was that a daughter who married out of the family was like water poured out, and a son was there to support them in their old age. Although it is a bit blunt, it is indeed true for most people.

It's so true that comparison is very painful. The good news is that you can think about it from many different perspectives and not get caught up in comparisons. In particular, excessive comparisons in family relationships will only make each other feel bad.

There's a saying I love: "Mind your own business, other people's business, and God's business." When we take care of our own business, we can control many things that are out of our control. I hope you can take care of your emotions, because you are the most important. You need to recognize yourself first and believe that you are worthy of love. May you reap good intimate relationships and good family relationships. Congratulations!

Hello, question asker! After reading your text, I could sense your frustration and anger even from across the screen!

I just wanted to give you a warm hug!

First of all, children should be treated equally by their parents, and good parents treat them the same.

You said your mother told you directly, two years ago, "Work hard and save up some dowry for yourself. Our family is too poor to give you any dowry." But then, after a while, she bought your younger brother a house without saying a word.

I already have a feeling that I'm not biological, and I also feel ashamed. From your words, I can tell you're upset and sad. Your parents clearly favor your younger brother, which is frustrating.

Secondly, your text describes how your mother said she didn't have money to prepare a dowry for you. You weren't angry or blaming her, but their behavior of saying one thing in front of others and doing another behind their backs made you angry. You favored one child over the other and lied to you by saying you didn't have money. I'm not saying I want your money; I can do without a penny, but your words and actions are completely different, and that makes me angry!

From what you've said, I get the impression you're a kind child who can understand what your parents said to you at the time, but not this kind of favoritism. Maybe in their traditional thinking, is there some son preference?

I think that after my daughter gets married, she'll belong to someone else's family and a bride price will be paid. Is this something that happens in your area?

You also said that it's painful now and that you think it might be why you're not married. It seems like when you think about getting married, people see that you don't have a dowry and wonder if you don't have parents and therefore don't have a dowry. You said you don't know how to face what it'll be like when you get married.

I want to tell you, girl, that people who love you are afraid of not giving enough, and people who don't love you are afraid that you will ask for more. If you meet a guy who loves you, he won't mind if you have a dowry or not. He'll believe that he can build his own little family on his own, and it doesn't have to be rich, as long as it's happy.

If you meet someone like this in the future, make the most of it.

Ultimately, I believe that every parent loves their child. There are two possible reasons why your mother told you this: either she is afraid that you won't know how to save money because you don't want to waste it, or she is just reminding you to learn to save money. At the end of the day, she wants what's best for you!

Also, if you still have doubts, it's okay to tell your parents how you feel. If you don't say anything, they won't know what's on your mind, and the conflict might get worse.

Would you be up for giving it a go?

Spending your own money is also a great skill to have. You can also learn about financial management and increase your wealth!

Best of luck! ?