Emotional experiences are very weak, affecting daily life and social interactions. How can it be improved?

Good day, landlord. I am delighted to have this opportunity to discuss this topic with you.

From your message, it seems that you may have become disconnected from your own feelings. Since you were unable to express your emotions freely and naturally when you were young, you feel depressed. This depression may have caused you a lot of problems, such as making it difficult for you to truly deal with conflicts in your relationships, express your own feelings, or accurately perceive the feelings of others.

From what I can gather from your text, you seem like a very organized person who has always hoped for a new breakthrough in your state of mind and who also hopes that your emotional experiences will go in a better direction.

The respondent has some suggestions on this issue that I hope will be helpful for you.

First, it's important to recognize that nobody is perfect, and that showing consideration for one's parents isn't always easy.

It may be helpful to consider that regardless of where we may have fallen short in our growth, we have the potential to learn and grow through new experiences and insights. It's a question of identifying ways to leverage our strengths and address our weaknesses in a constructive manner.

It might be helpful to remember that a person's charm can also be found in their ability to play to their strengths.

Secondly, it is possible that, due to a lack of emotional experience and isolation, our inherent thinking patterns and emotional responses may have become fixed habits.

Perhaps to replace old patterns with new ones, it might be helpful to have some new feelings and experiences.

You might consider joining some volunteer organizations or public welfare group activities, for example.

It is possible to interact with people of different personalities in different ways.

Through such contact with common topics, you may be able to create some basic social rules for getting along with people. This could also allow you to gradually transition from being just casual friends to becoming close friends and gain a deeper understanding.

It might be helpful to summarize the likes, topics, and concerns of different people in order to accumulate more material for getting along with the opposite sex.

3. Good feelings are a natural flow of love. However, it should be noted that all verbal, non-verbal, and emotional communication requires us to learn, imitate, and innovate.

Please don't worry about how you can jump out of the swamp on your own. This process will undoubtedly be gradual and require consistent effort. Developing an understanding and empathy for people is a skill that requires ongoing practice.

It might be helpful to look for a good opponent, someone who is insightful and well-versed in human nature, as a role model in your life.

I hope that my personal experiences, as outlined above, will be of some help to you. With best wishes,

Dear Stranger, I'm so excited to hear from you!

Hello! From your description, I can see that you have some anxiety, but I can also see that you're working on it!

You should feel a certain way in a standard situation, but when you don't, you doubt yourself. But whose standard is it?

Anyway, it's not your standard. Your guilt is more about not being a perfect son, perfect boyfriend, or perfect listener—and you're going to be the best one you can be!

Absolutely! You are not a perfect character, and that's a good thing. You are you!

Everyone has different feelings about everything, whether deep or shallow, just as there are said to be a thousand Hamlets in a thousand hearts. Even when a mother gives birth to a child, she experiences a whole range of emotions, from joy to overwhelming maternal love!

First, let go of the guilt of not being able to empathize with your mother when she was sick, and the self-blame of not understanding the girls when you meet them. You can do this!

Think back on all the amazing moments in your life that made you happy, angry, or sad. Use your own yardstick to measure your feelings!

If you want to feel more in love, I have the perfect solution for you! Get to know more women, find girls you can empathize with, people you can talk to, and listen to your heart. Take your time, and I guarantee you'll find someone who makes your heart beat faster, someone you can't stop wanting to get to know better, and someone you can't stop wanting to care for!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, I am Panda from Yixinli. After listening to your reply, I empathize with you. First of all, emotions are a very important part of a person. With emotions, we can feel the warmth and love of others and appreciate the tenderness of the world. He can see the beauty of the world. Without emotional experience, the world around us is grey and cold. We feel no warmth. We wrap ourselves up to protect ourselves, but at the same time, we also cut ourselves off from the warmth of the outside world. So, you must be living a very challenging life. I hope that my reply can offer you some warmth and a gentle heart, a heart that is willing to get close to others, give love and receive love.

First of all, it's important to recognize that the education our parents gave us when we were young might not have been entirely accurate. For instance, if adults tell you that everything is false, it can cause significant challenges. This is because you may have entered a certain misunderstanding, which can make you a little numb to emotions. This is an area where parental education could be improved. On the other hand, now that we have grown up, we have the opportunity to learn and educate ourselves. I once read an article that suggested, before the age of 25, you can blame your parents' education, but after the age of 25, what you need is self-education. This allows us to communicate with others, go out of the house bravely, call friends every day, send messages, participate in the training courses of Yi Xinli, participate in the common study class of reading with Fan Deng, and through the power of the group, feel accepted, included, understood, and warmed. Then, we can let ourselves become a little gentler and warmer, contact more people, and become more open.

Secondly, we can enrich our lives by reading, broadening our interests and hobbies, venturing out of the house daily, greeting five people, making at least five phone calls each day, engaging in brief, 3-to-5-minute conversations, sending messages to friends daily to stay in touch, and meeting friends for outings. This can also foster social interaction, alleviate social anxiety, and enhance our overall well-being. We can engage in casual chats with colleagues about inconsequential matters, which can also strengthen our relationships. Emotions are shaped through conversation, so we can deepen the emotional bond between family members, friends, and colleagues through conversation, which can become a source of joy and contentment in our lives. We can strive to be more open and trust others, and through interactions with others, we can open up and establish emotional connections.

If I may, I would like to suggest a few learning apps that you might find helpful. They offer a variety of psychology and philosophy courses that could potentially benefit you. You have the option of downloading them to your phone and listening to the lectures on a daily basis to enrich your knowledge. It allows you to utilize your spare time while simultaneously enhancing your personal growth. Some of the apps I recommend are Fan Deng Reading, One Book, One Lesson, and Meditation Planet. I want to remind you that I care about you and value your emotions. I hope you have a happy and blessed life.

This is reminiscent of the three laws of the "spiritual cage" beacon civilization. It is postulated that human emotions are feeble and susceptible to the machinations of assorted monsters. Nevertheless, human emotions can attract monsters, and this can be leveraged to conceal or repel them. Emotions are also a crucial bond that unites all beings. This mode of existence renders individuals vulnerable and fortifies them simultaneously.

It has been established that your emotional experience is markedly deficient. This may be attributed to past experiences, including suppression, reprimand, and the assertion that you are inadequate. It appears that you have progressively lost the capacity to experience profound emotions as a consequence of your surroundings.

In other words, it appears that we all evaluate ourselves based on prevailing opinions and obligations to ascertain whether we should experience those emotions. When emotions are accumulated over an extended period, they evolve into feelings.

In one's daily life, it is recommended that one attempt to describe one's emotions and identify instances where one experiences heightened emotional states. One may choose to express and narrate these emotions in a diary, which serves as a confidential repository for such experiences.

It is imperative to recognize that one's parents do not possess the authority to deny one the opportunity to experience emotional expression. As an autonomous individual, it is crucial to cultivate independence and sensitivity. To achieve this, it is essential to embrace a diverse spectrum of emotions, thereby fostering a deeper understanding of one's own feelings and emotions. Seeking guidance from a heart exploration coach or a psychological listener can prove invaluable in this process.

Please clarify the question.

Hello, questioner! Humans are social animals, and we thrive when we're connected to others. Interpersonal relationships and human emotions are essential for our survival, and when we embrace them, we feel alive! If you feel that you are lacking in this area, you will naturally feel distressed and troubled, so I understand you very much.

I've put together a list of my feelings and suggestions that I'd love for you to check out!

First, take an objective look at the causes of the problem.

In your description, you said, "The reason for the lack of affection is probably the emotional repression as a child and the materialization of reality, as well as the family's disapproval of affection." You yourself have already found some reasons in your original family, and these reasons are very likely the key factors contributing to your thinking habits as an adult. However, it is also possible that they contain your personal subjective guesses. But in any case, the growth environment plays a crucial role in shaping a person's personality, which is really exciting because it means that you have the power to change your thinking habits and become the person you want to be!

Your thinking and behavior patterns are made up of different internal parts, and these internal parts are formed from your family of origin and childhood life. In particular, the influence of close relationships during growth will affect our cognition—and it's a fascinating process!

You mentioned that your family does not encourage expressing emotions. From my personal point of view, there are so many ways to interpret this family practice! One is that family members are not good at expressing themselves and are not used to expressing their emotions in words.

Second, a family member has experienced emotional trauma and is afraid that you will be hurt. Third, the family member is someone who tends to think more rationally.

However, no matter which interpretation you choose, it does not mean that your family has completely killed your emotional concept. They just don't have the right approach. As for the impact on you, it is even beyond your control. So, you should accept the reason for the problem, understand it, and admit it.

Second, don't doubt yourself!

Let me tell you something fascinating about emotional deficiency. It's not a disease. It's a state of life caused by certain social factors.

You have taken the initiative to identify obstacles in your life and uncover the root causes of the problems. Now, it's time to take action and make positive changes! Don't doubt yourself or deny your lifestyle — you have the power to transform your situation.

I truly believe that the underlying logic of a lack of emotional attachment is a lack of trust in others and society. This makes it impossible to invest emotions, establish good relationships with others, and even less so to understand and respond to the emotions of others. This is why empathy is impossible!

The great news is that interpersonal skills are not innate. They are cultivated through learning, so this ability can be improved through training. All you need to do is build up your confidence and believe that you can improve your ability to communicate through effective training. Then, you can start to make a real difference!

Third, observe and learn from people with high emotional intelligence. It's a great way to boost your own skills!

Emotional intelligence is all about understanding the emotional world within yourself and being able to control it.

Highly emotionally intelligent people have a strong sense of self, understand their own emotions, can manage their emotions, and most importantly, can control their impulses and understand delayed gratification, thereby avoiding rash decisions and inappropriate behavior. These people are the result of the practice of the I-win-you-win combination in a life attitude, and the underlying logic of the I-win-you-win state is: trust yourself and trust others. Because of their sense of trust, they can understand and respond to the emotions of others, establish good relationships with others, and achieve empathy—and they're great at it!

Absolutely! High-emotional-intelligence folks develop a social attitude of trusting themselves and others in a healthy and orderly parenting environment with a sense of security. If our growing environment doesn't provide these conditions, we can definitely make up for it later.

So, if you want to make up for a lack of emotional intelligence, you've got to learn from people with high emotional intelligence! Observe the way they treat people and deal with things, the logic of their thinking, learn to accept others, and understand the inner thoughts of others by putting yourself in their shoes.

Then, the fun really begins! You get to integrate all those amazing methods you've observed into your own thinking. You'll form a fixed thinking pattern that will influence your actions.

My name is Cici Ai Cheng, and I'm an '80s generation person who relies on psychology to heal myself. I'm so excited to share my advice with you! I really hope it can help you. Best of luck!

Hello, question asker! I can totally feel your guilt, powerlessness, and confusion from your description.

Because of the challenges you faced growing up, you've learned to hide your emotions. In fact, you've even come to view emotional restraint as a virtue.

It's totally normal to feel this way! Emotions in social situations often come from the judgments of others and social norms. This can make it difficult to communicate and experience emotions in social settings.

When you're around the girl you like, you might feel a bit empty inside and find it hard to approach her. It's totally normal to worry that you're not that interesting or exciting, and to feel a bit powerless in emotional exchanges. At the same time, you might feel a bit inferior or unworthy, thinking that you can't bring happiness to the other person.

I get it. I think you've always tried to suppress your emotions, which has left your emotional channels feeling blocked. It's like you've been living like a cold robot!

However, everyone has an emotional need. When you hope to establish an emotional connection with the other person, you find that you have lost the ability to handle emotions and cannot bring happiness to the other person. This can be really quite painful and sad.

Start by accepting yourself, my friend.

I'm so happy you've already noticed the problem! You know that your current situation has a lot to do with the upbringing you received as a child.

Then, try to accept and forgive yourself. It's okay! It's not your fault that you lack emotion, that the entire topic is all about yourself, that you don't know what the other person likes, that you can hardly deal with emotional problems, and that you can't bring happiness to the other person.

I want you to know that you still have a chance to learn and change from now on. And you still have a chance to have your own beautiful love.

☘️ Live in the present moment ?

Let go of other people's judgments and standards, and pay attention to your own feelings in the present moment. Allow your emotions to flow naturally, and don't worry about what others think.

When you see your mom get sick, it's so important to be aware of your own feelings and express them honestly.

When you're eating barbecue, take a moment to really taste each ingredient. See if you like the taste!

When you try to be aware of the little things in life, you'll find a whole new feeling of being alive!

☺️ Love others by first learning to love yourself!

If you want to love others, you've got to love yourself first! And let go of all those "shoulds" and "musts" in your heart.

Be kind to yourself and respect your own feelings. You don't have to do everything according to other people's wishes. Try to do things your own way, and don't worry if it's different from what others do!

It's okay to do your own thing! Don't worry about what other people like. Find out what you like and don't ignore your own thoughts just because most people make different choices.

I really want you to believe that you live for yourself. When you find yourself again and learn to love yourself, you will have the opportunity to love others better.

Warmest regards!

Hello, host! I'm so excited to see you taking the first steps towards change. It's not easy, but you're doing great! I know it can feel overwhelming at times, but remember, you've already made a start. Keep going, and I'm here to cheer you on and encourage you every step of the way!

You are doing a fantastic job! You have been able to learn from your environment, adapt, and continue to grow and develop your own abilities. This ability is not possessed by everyone, so you can also have more confidence in yourself now, believing that you can and are capable of changing the situation. It just takes time to do so. Perhaps you can also imagine the problem you are facing now as a larger topic that requires a long period of time to solve.

You can ask yourself, "How much time do I want to invest in solving the problem at hand?" "What will my emotional experience be after solving the problem?" "What can I do and what am I willing to do to achieve such a change?" And the best part is, you get to decide!

These three questions have answers, and others can provide you with reference opinions. But the approach that really suits you is something only you can know. So I would like to ask you to think about these questions. If possible, it is best to find an environment where you will not be disturbed when doing so, devote at least half an hour to it, and use a pen and paper to record your thoughts. In addition, such thinking is not something that can be achieved overnight. In the long term, perhaps you will need to interrogate yourself again every two months, six months, or at other times when you feel slack.

I've got a few suggestions on these three issues for you to consider!

First, there's a great saying on the Internet: "It may take a lifetime to heal from the words of others." Our family of origin shapes our behavior patterns, and it is a lifelong topic. In the face of the original emotional experience of things that we want to change, continuous practice and experimentation are necessary. Therefore, we may need to continue for 2, 3, or even 5 years or longer to slowly solve this problem. We must be prepared to run a marathon for this, and it will all be worth it in the end!

This process takes time, so let's not rush it! We should not be too hard on ourselves for occasional mistakes, such as not being able to empathize with others or our own emotions. In fact, when we realize that we have behaved inappropriately at work or in social situations, even if it is only after the fact, we should know that we have been able to recognize and feel our own inappropriateness, which breeds the possibility of change—and change is a wonderful thing!

And there's more! We should also understand that it is difficult to change existing behavior patterns. In other words, it may take us many, many times to make the same mistake before we can possibly correct it. But don't worry! At this time, the most important thing is not to rush, to allow ourselves to make mistakes, but always believe in the future.

Second, by solving the problem of weak emotional experience, we can establish closer relationships with others. In our daily lives, apart from work, we also have other topics to share. The trivial things in life also have the participation of others and our input. We have our own preferences, and life becomes more fulfilling and happier—it's an amazing journey!

However, there will still be different problems to solve in this kind of life, and occasionally we will make similar mistakes as in the past. Life can be frustrating and painful, and we may also feel lonely, lost, and bored. But, we can also look forward to the future and the exciting possibilities it brings!

Once you understand this, you'll be able to accept the impermanence of life with ease. You'll become a stronger, more powerful person!

3. Practice: I'm thrilled to share some practices based on my own life. You'll also find lots of other great suggestions. Pick and choose the ones that really suit you!

1. Meditation practice. I'm thrilled to share one of my absolute favorite practices for making changes and choices: meditation! With the gentle guidance of soothing audio, we can calm our emotions through breathing and become aware of the subtle feelings and changes in our bodies.

The great news is that you can start seeing results in as little as 15 minutes a day! Just 15 to 30 minutes of practice a day has a wonderful, healing effect on our state of mind throughout the day. And the more you practice, the more your brain circuitry changes, allowing you to physically transform into a more positive person who is more aware of your own emotions or those of others.

There are some great apps out there that can help, such as Now Mindfulness Meditation, Tide, and 10% Happier. The great thing is, with just a little daily practice, you can make a big difference! All you need is to keep a level head and wait for things to blossom.

2. Try keeping a diary! You don't have to write a long entry; just a few words can also have a therapeutic effect. The key is how we describe our day.

You can try spending 10 to 15 minutes in a quiet time of the day, reviewing the things you did well (important) and that brought you a good emotional experience today, and recalling what happened at that time that made you feel comfortable. Then, you can try to repeat that moment in the future, so you can continuously practice and improve your ability to perceive and express emotions! If what happened that day was a behavior that made you feel annoyed, simply review it, and then focus your thinking on how to change it. You can even try to find an actionable behavior to try in the future!

3. Learn to listen! Deep gazes, attentive listening, and long-term companionship may be easier for you to do in a relationship. So when you realize that your topic is not as attractive to the other person, try to listen more to the other person's feelings, and practice recording the little things about others with your heart. You'll be amazed at how much this can help you integrate into your relationship!

In the process of listening, other people's words are often composed of three parts: facts, emotions, and expectations. And here's the best part: the more important things are the other person's emotions and expectations! We can learn to respond to the other person's emotions and respond to the other person's expectations to improve our relationships.

4. Learn to see others or yourself without preconceptions. This can be improved through meditation, but you can also consciously try to do so. In any case, focusing on the present moment rather than detaching yourself from the situation will greatly benefit your interactions with others. It's a great way to improve your relationships!

Hello.

Host:

After carefully reading the post, it is clear that the poster is emotionally isolated by the content. However, it is also evident that the poster is courageous in expressing his distress and actively seeking help on the platform. This will undoubtedly help the poster to better understand himself, adjust his mindset, and encounter a better self.

I will now share my observations and thoughts in the post, which will undoubtedly help the original poster gain a richer perspective on themselves.

1. It's simply a lack of emotional experience and practice.

From the post, it's clear that the poster's family doesn't encourage emotional expression. After being moved by the plot on TV, they're scolded, told that it's all fake. Since then, I've subconsciously classified non-work-related matters as "not serious" because of the suppression of emotions. I even have the idea of being proud of having no emotions.

I understand the original poster's thoughts completely.

When we are young, we lack the knowledge to understand ourselves and the world. We understand ourselves through the feedback of important others.

This important other is often the person who raised us. When family members scold and say those emotions on TV are fake, we believe them.

As a result, they suppress their inner emotions, believing that they are false and bad. It is crucial to understand that children instinctively want to gain the love and approval of their parents.

We acquired this as children by being obedient, sensible, and living up to their expectations.

In the host's family, emotions are not encouraged, so they naturally repress their emotions and don't express them. There is also no opportunity to practice.

This is why the host is the way they are. It's not a big problem. It's just a lack of emotional experience and practice.

Practicing and learning now is simply a slower process than others.

2. Learn to be aware.

From an early age, we learn to repress our feelings and emotions. It's time to learn to become aware of our subconscious so that our repressed emotions can flow.

The host can and will re-experience their emotions.

You make your subconscious conscious by being aware.

Observe yourself from the perspective of a bystander and become aware of yourself. Capture those sensitive and subtle touches or images in your mind.

Feel it. Ask yourself what kind of feeling it is and what kind of emotion it is. Name your emotions. Do this, and we will become more and more sensitive to our feelings.

3. Writing exercises

The host should also record their life in writing and record some of their very weak feelings that day. Expressing them will make emotions more delicate the more they are expressed.

Write without worrying about whether it is well-written or logical. It's the same as when we learned to write as children.

Take action. That's the most important thing.

You will feel it if you act. It may be difficult to describe your inner feelings and express them in one word, but you can do it.

At this time, find words that describe your feelings and choose the best fit. Go and feel it.

4. Connect with your body.

Our emotional feelings are often expressed in our bodies. When I am anxious, for example, my heart beats faster, and I feel a pressing sensation in my chest that makes me feel uncomfortable.

When I observe this feeling in my body, I know I'm anxious. I then ask myself why I'm anxious and talk to myself.

The original poster should also become aware of their body, connect with it, and identify the uncomfortable parts that want to be expressed.

Our bodies also have wisdom. Read Wu Zhihong's book, The Body Knows the Answer, for more details.

5. Learning and growing

In a relationship, you don't know how to love or find topics to talk about. You can easily remedy this by observing more in your daily life, seeing what topics the girls around you like to talk about, learning to listen and observe, and even asking for advice.

Ask the other person how they want to be treated. Find out how she would feel more comfortable.

Love is an ability. You can learn to love better.

You can obtain it through practice.

The original poster should definitely check out the books "The Art of Love" and "Intimate Relationships."

I am a psychological coach at One Mind, Zeng Chen, and I am confident that these resources will be helpful and inspiring for the poster.

If you have any questions, click to find a coach who can help you grow and communicate with you one-on-one.

How old is the original poster? Absolutely! In the cultural traditions of the past, it was encouraged that "joy should not be shown in one's appearance." This can help people see this person as mature, admirable, and worthy of learning from.

"When I was a child, I was scolded for crying during touching TV episodes, and told that 'those are all fake'." How did the questioner react when he saw touching TV episodes? Did his family feel that he was being too emotional, and tell him loudly, "Those are all fake," to get him out of the episode?

"From then on, I subconsciously classified anything that wasn't work as 'irregular' because I was repressing my emotions and even thinking that I was proud of being emotionless. Perhaps having too many emotions not only implies 'irregularity', but also 'fragility'—and that's something to celebrate!"

"I took care of my mother out of a sense of duty to my child, without considering that my mother was suffering when she was ill. How many people in reality can truly feel the pain of others?

"My emotions seem to be based on external views and responsibilities, and I may not have my own emotional thoughts." In that case, you're not without emotions, and you're ready to express them! Perhaps you're afraid that if you express your emotions, people will "scold and laugh at you," just as your family did when you were a child, telling you that "it's fake." But you know what? They were wrong! You have emotions, and you have the power to express them.

My lack of emotions is even more obvious when I try to approach girls. The whole conversation is about my work, and I don't know what the other person likes. Coupled with the fact that relationships are not logical, I have almost no way to deal with emotional problems. I feel that I can't bring happiness to the other person, and it must be very difficult for the other person to be willing to chat with me. But I'm excited to learn more about how to bring happiness to others!

The great thing is, you can ask the people you interact with whether they feel the same way as you do. This way, you'll interact with each other and your emotions will naturally become more abundant!

"Is there any way for me to find my emotions?" Absolutely! You have always had emotions, but as you said, you have not allowed yourself to feel and express them.

Absolutely! You can start by expressing your thoughts and feelings in writing, and then try expressing them in words.

Moreover, through writing, I see that the questioner has lots of room to grow in terms of their emotional awareness. It may be that the questioner is just being overly concerned!

I am absolutely thrilled to be able to help! I really hope that you find the parts of my reply that are useful. Wishing you the very best!