Even in front of my elder sister, one must be independent and self-reliant; why count the efforts she makes for me?

Hello, host!

From what you've said, I can picture it. It's like two kids in a family fighting. One wants to give, but the other doesn't want to receive. They love each other, but they also dislike each other.

Your sister loves you, but sometimes she feels like you're a burden and might get in her way. She's torn between wanting to take care of you and not wanting to. You know deep down that your sister loves you, but she has a sharp tongue and a soft heart, and what she says often makes you feel unwanted.

So she tries not to cause her sister any trouble!

From what you've written, it seems like you and your sister get along pretty well, with plenty of love and affection. Many families with multiple children have similar dynamics, which can be both endearing and frustrating.

Have you ever thought about telling your sister, "Sister, I love you very much! I appreciate your care and that you always think of me. I know you love me very much, but I also know you're a bit annoyed by me. I'll try not to cause you any trouble. I can do some things on my own. I hope you can give me a chance.

It might be a good idea to tell your sister what you really feel and think, so that she can see that you've grown up a bit. Would you be willing to give it a try?

On top of that, the sister keeps on about how good she is to you. Maybe she secretly hopes you'll be grateful. Plus, the sister's role comes with a certain vibe. It's a kind of role that replaces maternal love, and she instinctively wants to take care of you. But as an older sister, she also knows she doesn't have to, so it's just a conflict.

Professor Li Meijin also said that parents have to learn to show weakness so that their children can become stronger. And parents can only teach their children to be independent by returning responsibility to them.

Parents who are too involved in their children's lives can make them feel like they're being suffocated. This can also prevent them from learning to become independent. Does this passage make you think of anything?

Hello! I can totally feel your sense of grievance, depression, and confusion from your description.

Your sister always mentions the favors she has done for you in the past, and it's this that makes you the way you are today!

You feel aggrieved and oppressed by the fact that you think your sister takes things for granted and there is no need to mention them all the time. But you know what? There's no need to feel guilty or indebted!

Asking your sister for things and spending her money also feels like a burden to you, and you feel that your sister is being too demanding. But you know what? She's your sister, and she loves you! So, why not ask her for help? She'll be happy to give you what you need.

It seems that on the one hand, you still rely on your sister in some ways, such as taking what she gives you and spending her money. On the other hand, you really hope that your sister will give you enough respect! This makes you very conflicted, but it also means you have the opportunity to work through these issues and come out stronger on the other side.

☺️Why does your sister always blame you?

It's so great that your sister has been there for you and has done so much for you!

However, it seems that she is reluctant to do so, and like you, she also feels aggrieved and under pressure, and acts out in anger.

On the one hand, she just feels too much pressure and doesn't know how to deal with it. She just blames you to release the pressure life has brought her. But don't worry! Your sister doesn't mean to do this. She just needs your understanding and sees how hard it is for her.

On the other hand, your sister might have a different motive. She could be using this method to prevent you from leaving her. By blaming you, she makes you feel powerless and that you cannot live alone without her.

Your sister loves you! This love has supported you and hurt you, keeping you entangled together and preventing you from becoming truly independent of each other.

☺️ If you face your sister's accusations,

You said that you used to go to school, and it seems that you no longer go to school now. But guess what? You can work and earn your own money!

You're currently in a position where you can't leave your sister's help, and you're somewhat dependent on her. But you also have the hope that she won't mention this kind of thing, and you're eager to gain your sister's respect!

Then, it's time for you to take the initiative and start making your way to independence! Once you're truly independent financially and mentally and no longer need your sister's help, you'll have all the qualifications and ability you need to ask her to stop interfering and criticizing you.

You can do this! Make yourself truly strong and capable of supporting your own life alone, and you'll feel more confident and assured.

Wishing you all the best!

I just want to say that the original poster is absolutely amazing!

I feel like the description is full of emotional blackmail.

My sister's words can sometimes make people feel guilty. This approach can make people feel her sense of powerlessness and anxiety, which she's having trouble dealing with, so she transfers it to you.

As the original poster, I'm really rooting for your own growth!

It's important to be able to tell the difference between rejecting emotional blackmail and just accepting it in your life. It's not always easy to tell the difference between knowledge and action, either!

If you're struggling with anxiety or distress, how do you cope? Is there anything you'd suggest to your sister to help her too?

It's so important to remember that even if you get support from the outside, it doesn't mean you can just relax and enjoy the family relationship. We all have a tendency to think that our loved ones are like two ticking bombs, but the truth is that they're not. A change in the relationship requires one side to be self-aware and take the initiative to develop the flexibility to deal with the relationship.

It's so great to see that more and more women are embracing their independence and self-reliance these days! It's a wonderful thing to see so many women thriving and enjoying the benefits of their own self-awareness.

It's so important to find a good balance when it comes to family. These days, it's not really the traditional, bound clan-like relationship that it once was. Women especially feel less bound, and they need to be able to thrive on their own – to follow their own path in life, not according to the will of others. It's so important to create the right environment for yourself!

You know best what you need, sweetheart.

I'd like to share a beautiful excerpt from the existentialist philosopher and writer Simone de Beauvoir's The Second Sex in appreciation of her work.

"She was not encouraged to be her best and follow her own path. Instead, she was told that if she just slid down, she could reach the paradise of bliss. When she realized that she had been fooled by the mirage, it was already too late, and her strength had been exhausted in the failed adventure."

This work is an absolute treasure for women everywhere.

Hello,

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I've read your post and I can see how you're feeling.

I also noticed that you've been open about your feelings and have sought help on the platform, which will help you understand your sister and yourself better. This will allow you to make changes.

Next, I'll share some observations and thoughts on the post that might help you see the situation differently.

1. Figure out what's driving her behavior.

We tend to think of behavior as the internal presentation of our mental activity. So, there must be some mental activity behind why my sister always does and says this.

This is something we can look into together, and it'll also help us understand my sister better. In the post, my sister always talks about how she's nicer to me and gets angry a lot.

Then the original poster can think about why my sister did that. Since there isn't a lot of info in the post, I'll make an association here that the original poster can use as a reference.

From what I can tell, your sister is looking for positive feedback. She probably wants others to see her efforts and feel like she's being seen and understood.

Psychologist Wu Zhihong says that seeing is loving, and seeing is also people's most essential need. So the poster can try it next time: affirm his sister, give her more praise, and see how she reacts.

2. Inner deprivation

Often, people who are internally very needy also want the attention and affirmation of others because they see their own value through external evaluations.

If people judge you negatively, it can feel like they're saying you're worthless. That's something many of us just can't handle. It makes us feel like we don't even exist.

This can cause a lot of anxiety.

So the poster might also think about how his sister acts in front of others. Does she seem to care what people think of her?

3. See if you can express your guilt in a reasonable way.

As we can see from the post, the sister has treated the host in this way, and the host feels a sense of indebtedness as a result. This is not a very pleasant feeling, is it?

Then we can try to express these feelings. By sharing these emotions, we can work through them in a productive way.

You can express these feelings however you like, or in writing.

Because when we write, we're actually expressing and listening to our emotions. Often, after we've expressed our emotions and listened to them, we feel better, and then they don't affect us as much.

4. Give your sister a chance to know how you really feel.

You might also want to try expressing your feelings to your sister. Sometimes, we don't say what we're feeling, and others don't know how we're really doing, which can affect the relationship.

The host can try expressing their feelings in a way that sounds like this: "I feel something."

If you're interested in communication, you might want to check out "Nonviolent Communication."

Thanks for reading!

I hope this has been helpful and inspiring for you. If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach to further communicate and discuss.

I hope these are helpful and inspiring for you. If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach and communicate and discuss further.

Hello, I'm Liang Ning, Xinqing's assistant.

From what you have described, it is clear that your sister provides you with help in your daily life. However, no matter how small the help is, she will remember it and occasionally bring it up, which makes you feel annoyed.

First, you need to understand why she is like this. The fact that your sister still helps you in life, whether intentionally or not, shows that she still loves you.

If she is the first child in the family, she has monopolized her parents' love since childhood. After you were born, her parents' love was divided in half, and she felt abandoned.

My sister's sense of presence in the family has diminished, and she has gradually faded from the spotlight she once held. At home, my sister should be the type of person who takes the initiative to do things in order to get everyone's attention. However, the family still ignores her, so she has to express her presence in another way to get their attention.

Next, we'll discuss how to get along with your sister in life. First, you must pay attention to your sister in life, even if it's just a simple greeting. This will ensure that your sister knows you respect and care about her.

Compliment your sister at family gatherings so that she gets the attention of her family. This will not only score extra points for yourself, but also for your sister, and will promote harmonious family relationships.

③Help your sister as much as you can when she needs it. Don't ask for anything in return. Set a good example for her.

Finally, learn how to deal with your emotions. When your sister's nagging makes you feel distracted, take control by thinking about why your sister is like this.

Don't resist your sister's attempts to show off. Don't resist your own emotions. Give her a warm hug to show your gratitude and to comfort your own troubled heart and calm yourself down.

Understand the reasons for the emotions you feel. Release bad emotions in the way you are used to.

Show gratitude to everyone who has helped you in your life, especially your family members. Don't take them for granted. Gratitude will ensure you receive more help.