Extremely sensitive and exhausted, unable to control myself... Because of my dormitory classmates, I'm very drained, what should I do?

Good morning, classmate. I am Super Sister from Yixinli.

It is accurate to conclude that a concern for the thoughts and feelings of others can be a source of distress. However, in order to cease internal conflict, it is essential to adopt a gradual approach to change. This necessitates the ability to relinquish control, express oneself courageously, and adhere to one's own principles. It is widely acknowledged that transformation does not occur instantaneously and requires a substantial investment of time and patience.

Such preoccupation with the opinions of others may be attributable to adverse experiences in the past, low self-esteem, or a lack of security. It is therefore recommended that one should gradually discern the self that desires love and bestow upon oneself a sufficient degree of love and security. The following methods may be employed:

1. Enhance your self-confidence.

It is important to recognize that everyone is valuable and that one's thoughts and feelings are equally important. One can gradually build up one's self-confidence by engaging in hobbies, learning new skills, and setting and achieving small goals.

It is beneficial to provide oneself with timely recognition when engaging in a task or demonstrating competence. Additionally, it is helpful to engage in daily self-affirmation, such as verbalizing the belief that one deserves respect and attention, or that one's opinions are valuable. This practice can facilitate the replacement of negative self-talk with a more positive and constructive mindset.

2. It is recommended that the individual attempt this in a small group setting.

One may consider sharing one's views initially in a small group or with family members with whom one feels secure. Over time, one can gradually increase the depth and breadth of such sharing, which may lead to a greater sense of support and understanding.

3. It is recommended that you seek professional assistance.

Should these concerns be significantly impacting one's daily life and interpersonal relationships, it is recommended to consult with the school psychologist. A professional can facilitate a more expedient resolution to these issues.

Fourthly, the practice of setting boundaries is recommended.

It is important to learn how to set healthy personal boundaries, understand that not everyone's opinions have a decisive influence on you, and that you do not need to hide your true self in order to please others.

Additionally, one may enhance their social skills through reading or other learning methods, including the acquisition of effective communication skills and conflict resolution techniques. These can collectively bolster one's self-confidence and capacity to navigate social interactions with greater ease. I recommend a particularly noteworthy book, "Nonviolent Communication," which I hope will also prove beneficial to you.

It is important to recognize that there are numerous individuals in the world, and that there are always those who align with your authentic self.

It is my sincere hope that you will have the courage to be true to yourself, to enjoy your youth, and to flourish.

Hello.

Give me a pat on the shoulder.

"I'm sensitive and tired, and I'm not going to let it control me. I'm dealing with conflicts with my dorm mates, and I need to figure out how to handle it."

You seem to be afraid of being excluded by friends A and B. Think back: have you ever felt the same way when getting along with friends in the past?

A person's feelings and thoughts do not come out of nowhere. They often have their own unique psychological path. These patterns of feeling are generally familiar to oneself. However, they have not yet formed a complete path of thought. This manifests as a feeling of being stuck whenever you encounter conflicting thoughts and feelings. This brings about a sense of anxiety, making it difficult to make decisions. You become indecisive in the face of problems and dare not express your thoughts with certainty. This can also be described as a kind of mental internal friction.

If you discover this, you may feel helpless in interpersonal dilemmas, but you will not be disappointed with the objective environment or things first, or refuse to act.

You know the problem lies in your inability to give a definitive answer at the moment. You will not make arbitrary judgments about external information until you determine the problem.

For example, if A and B suddenly become closer, you will know that it's not because they're rejecting you. They may have a stronger connection with each other on certain things, while you may have more empathy and a stronger emotional connection with them on other things.

I can respond more calmly and rationally to my emotions, calmly expressing my feelings of being neglected. After my friend understands, they will make a corresponding explanation based on the existing information they have learned, and communication between the two parties can be successfully achieved, reducing misunderstandings.

You can say, "You two have been chatting a lot recently, and now friend A won't even wash her hair with me anymore. I feel so neglected!" (Express your feelings, not self-blame.)

Friends will respond to your feelings with their own feelings. If they cherish you, they will actively explain to clear up any misunderstandings that may exist, show concern for your feelings, and draw you closer to them.

Things are rarely as complicated as we think, especially when we're not yet in society. The environment and information are usually relatively simple, so we can be more honest with each other and reduce the interference of interests.

The questioner needs to see more of their independence and values in the relationship. Secondly, when problems, conflicts or contradictions arise, you must learn to objectively express your feelings and resolve misunderstandings through communication to better maintain the emotional connection between you.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you.

Best wishes!

Hello, question asker.

It can be exhausting to feel like you have to keep an eye on your roommate's every move. It can even make you wonder if they don't want to be friends anymore.

Do they talk about me behind my back? Their relationship has improved, but I was the one who knew B in the first place.

Sometimes, it seems like encounters are fate, and the end of a relationship is not announced in advance. It may just be that contact is lost and it gradually fades away.

If you get along well, you can share your ups and downs. If you get along just fine, you don't need to share more than that. Let things happen naturally.

And just because you want it doesn't mean everyone will become lifelong friends.

It seems like your main issue is worrying about what they say behind your back. It seems like you care a lot about what other people say about you. You seem afraid of being teased and criticized.

It's impossible to please everyone.

Think back: have you ever been dissatisfied with your parents, relatives, or friends and wanted to complain? You can't control whether they say anything or not.

It's also possible that they're not talking about you.

The reason for all this is that you take yourself too seriously. Everyone is more concerned about themselves. They may just be discussing their favorite clothes or favorite stars, and they won't start a conversation around you.

Open your mind and heart to the world around you. Their words and conversations will just be a small part of it.

You can direct your attention toward the things you love.

Improve yourself.

Come on!