Faced with heavy love, what should I do? This self-righteous love disgusts me.

Hello, I'm Li Di, and I appreciate the chance to chat.

You're unhappy about going back to your grandparents' house because of the way they show their love. You can see and understand their love for you, but their way of life makes it hard for you to adapt. This is distressing and stressful for you. You give them a hug, but they don't understand you, and sometimes they even stop your parents from calling, which makes you feel even more restricted. This makes you feel very bad, and you develop a sense of disgust towards others and yourself. It's painful, and you don't know what to do.

The older generation always expresses their love in their own way, but they forget that our current needs are different from theirs. We may need more respect and understanding, but seeing that you already feel disgusted with the situation, perhaps we can calm down and think about it. If grandparents keep expressing their love for me, and I resent this approach, then won't they be even more at a loss and want to express even more love?

If I can first understand them and let them know that I know they love me, and then guide them in what way is more appropriate, will they understand that I need a different kind of love? Of course, before communicating, I also think about where my own boundaries are in life.

This will also help your grandparents understand that you've grown up and have your own preferences and habits, rather than disliking them. At the same time, find out what concerns them when they sometimes don't let me talk to my parents on the phone.

Are they worried that I haven't been taken care of properly, or that I'm affecting my parents' work? I'd like to know what's stopping my parents from calling.

As the younger generation, I can tell that you're feeling pretty complex and heavy right now. Your feelings are totally valid. We all have our own preferences and boundaries. When you feel uncomfortable or pressured, it's really important to speak up. First of all, I want to say that your feelings and needs are worthy of respect, and you have the right to live and make choices on your own terms.

At the same time, you can also let them know that you understand that your grandparents' actions are rooted in their deep love and concern for you, even though their way of expressing it may not match your expectations.

In this case, communication might be the key to a solution. Try to find a good time to talk to your grandparents about your feelings in a gentle but firm manner.

You can let them know that you like to make some decisions on your own, like choosing your own food and clothes. You can also explain that you appreciate their love and care, but you hope they can understand your personal habits and preferences. For example, you can say, "I appreciate everything you do for me, but I would feel more comfortable if I could choose my own food and clothes."

"

Also, when it comes to monitoring behavior, you might want to try explaining your feelings and telling them that you need some privacy and time. For example, you could say something like, "I understand that you are worried about me, but I promise to be safe, and I would like to be able to talk to my parents on the phone in the evenings. This is important to me."

If you're having trouble communicating directly, you might want to ask another family member to help you express your feelings and needs. It's important to be patient and respectful, since change can take time and they may need time to adjust to new ways of communicating.

It's also a good idea to get some outside help if you're struggling to cope with the situation or if your emotions are getting the better of you. Have a chat with a friend or speak to a professional counselor who can offer some additional strategies and support to help you deal with these challenges.

Remember, your feelings are valid, and you're not alone in facing these issues. Take care of yourself and make sure your needs are met. Also, try to understand and respect each other's feelings as much as possible.

I hope this helps. Remember, you're one of a kind, and you deserve the best!

When you told me about your feelings when you returned home to reunite with your grandparents, I could sense the conflict and confusion within you. This experience was clearly a challenge for you and was far from being a simple family gathering – but you handled it so well!

Let's dive in and see if we can understand and deal with these complex emotions and situations from a different perspective!

Your homecoming journey, which should be relaxing and enjoyable, has unfortunately turned into a challenge that stresses you out and causes problems. Although your grandparents' concern and care come from a deep love, they may not always fully meet your expectations and needs.

They may not understand your need for personal space and cleanliness, which is a common problem for many young people when they return to their hometown. But don't worry! This is something you can easily work through together.

Your slight cleanliness obsession and your attachment to personal space are perfectly normal personal characteristics. However, these traits may conflict with the lifestyle and expectations of your grandparents, causing you to feel awkward and unable to adapt. But don't worry! This is something you can easily work through together.

For example, they may be overly concerned about the details of your life and try to provide care for you within their understanding, but this excessive intervention sometimes makes you feel constrained and troubled.

It's so important to be understanding and tolerant when communicating with your elders. Even if their way of expressing themselves makes you feel a little uncomfortable, trying to understand from their perspective can really help to reduce any confusion or resentment you might have.

They may not understand your quest for cleanliness, but with patience and understanding, you can find a compromise that lets them know your needs and boundaries without causing more friction and misunderstanding.

Regarding their behavior of buying clothes for you, you mentioned that this practice makes you feel burdened and goes against your wishes. But here's the good news! Although this may be out of their love and concern for you, you want to be understood and respected for your own choices.

In this case, try to communicate in an open and accepting manner, expressing your true feelings and thoughts, rather than simply rejecting or enduring them. You could even suggest other ways to show their love and let them know what you prefer!

On the bright side, you can totally overcome the restrictions and limitations imposed by family members, especially when they don't let you talk to your parents freely. In these situations, try to remain calm and rational and have a dialogue to explain your needs and thoughts.

It might take a little time and effort, but it'll be worth it! Honest and mature communication can really make a difference and help improve family interactions.

Most importantly, remember to stay calm and in control of your emotions. Find your own space and time to think things through.

Understanding and tolerance are the keys to easing family conflicts. And despite the difficulties that may exist, with effort and patience, you can absolutely find a way of getting along that suits you and your grandparents!

In short, family relationships are complex and delicate. But don't worry! In the face of your grandparents' love and care, try to understand from their perspective and express your true feelings and needs.

Who knows? You might even find a way to get along more harmoniously, so that your trips back to your hometown are no longer a challenge, but a true homecoming!

Hello. I'd like to give you a hug, show you I understand, and support you.

A mother's coldness can make you feel helpless. So can grandparents' love. It can feel heavy and suffocating. But you don't want to hurt their feelings. So you accept it. This shows the love, warmth, and kindness in your heart.

Let's analyze it together.

Let's analyze it together.

Grandpa wants to give you his love, not meat or clothes. You want to reject his love, not the way he shows it.

Keep what you want and reject what you don't.

What should you do?

What should you do?

1. Refuse kindly but firmly. You can tell your grandfather, "I know you love me and want to give me the best."

I have my own habits and things I like. I accept your love, but I am a university student with my own habits and hobbies. Please respect my choices.

"

When expressing your opinion, pay attention to three things: (1) the atmosphere. Talk to your grandfather in a relaxed way, for example, chat with him about college. (2) Don't get emotional.

When talking to your grandfather, don't get emotional. Don't tell him you don't like it, as that would be the same as rejecting him. Be firm.

Tell your grandfather you accept his love, but not in this way.

You can also tell your grandfather that you will tell your parents about his love for you. Buying you clothes and picking your food shows your grandfather's love for you. It also shows your parents how much he loves you.

2. Understand how your elders express their love and separate the subject. For people of Grandpa's generation, they have no concept of boundaries, do not realize that children are independent, and do not think about whether the child needs love. They just want to express it in their own way.

These ideas are second nature to him. This is how he shows his love. Don't try to change him.

So, you should separate the issues. Grandpa's love is his business, and whether you accept it is yours. Don't try to change him, but think about how to adjust your own mindset.

3. Look at it differently and feel something else. When you were in this relationship, Grandpa's way of expressing his love made you feel weighed down and restricted.

3. Look at this differently. When you were in this relationship, Grandpa's way of expressing his love made you feel weighed down.

But you can also look at it from a different point of view. Try to see it from God's perspective. You might see a loving relationship between a grandfather and his grandson.

You may not like these images, but you don't feel bad about them.

Take the initiative and show your love for Grandpa in your own way. You seem to be too passive in the face of his strong love.

You accepted it even though you didn't like the way he picked food on your plate or the clothes he bought you.

Your grandfather loves and is enthusiastic about you. But if you don't show enough interest, he might think you're being polite.

You can relax and get out of the state of alienation from your grandfather. Take the initiative to tell your grandfather what you want to eat. You can also take a pair of chopsticks at the table to take food to your grandfather. You can take the initiative to take your grandfather to a place you like to buy clothes. If your grandfather insists on spending money, you can let him spend it. You can repay him in another way.

They showed their love for each other, which brought them closer, and he didn't have to spend too much. This is how family love should be.

I hope these suggestions help. I'm Ruoyu, a listening therapist. I love you!

I can feel the pressure and distress in the questioner's heart. When love becomes a heavy burden and a source of stress, it has lost its true meaning. The person who loves desperately is very tired, the person who is loved endures painful suffering, and they don't understand each other. They must face this situation head on.

Take it slow.

First of all, the grandfather used his own chopsticks to pick the fatty meat in his own bowl for the questioner as a way to express his love. This is the way he needs to express his care and love for his grandson. It is also the most direct way for people in his generation to express their love. I have experienced this myself. In those times when food and clothing were scarce, being able to eat meat was a rare blessing. The elders expressed their love directly by using their own chopsticks to pick the meat and give it to the younger generation to eat. They were afraid that if the younger generation did not eat well, they would go home and say something bad to their parents, which would make them lose face.

This also includes the clothes that grandpa buys for the questioner. He believes that buying his child meat to eat and nice clothes to wear is being good to his child and showing his love for him. He buys clothes because he wants to show the parents how much he cares for his grandson. He thinks that clothes are a good way to show the parents that he cares about his grandson. He ignores the differences between the current social environment and living conditions and the past. He also doesn't know to ask the questioner about his feelings and thoughts. He just thinks and acts according to what he thinks is right. This maintains his authority as a grandfather and shows his care and love.

Second, the questioner knows this is the grandfather's love for him, which is very good. In modern society, material life is rich and colorful, with everything you could possibly need to eat, wear, and use. This is not the era when there was a lack of food and clothing. The questioner's personal material needs are not lacking.

Tell your grandfather about these feelings and thoughts. Pay attention to your tone of voice, attitude, and choice of words. Figure out whether it is your grandfather's love that you are unwilling to accept or his way of expressing love with a clear intention of coercion and control. I believe there is nothing wrong with your grandfather's love for you. The way he expresses his love makes it hard for you to understand and accept, and it makes you feel uncomfortable.

The questioner should tell his grandfather that he is happy with his love, but that it is difficult for him to accept the way he shows it. I am certain that the grandfather will listen and make changes. The questioner must also tell his grandfather what his own thoughts are, for example, that he has everything he needs and does not like to eat the meat or buy the clothes his grandfather buys for him. Then his grandfather will know what to do.

He hopes the questioner can understand, accept, and appreciate his love for her. The questioner can choose whether to eat the meat he picks for her and wear the clothes he buys for her. Even if she doesn't eat that meat or wear those clothes, it won't affect his love for her or her understanding and acceptance of it. These are personal opinions for the questioner's reference only.

It is evident that your return to your hometown is driven by a sense of obligation to visit the elderly, rather than by your own volition. This may be a result of familial expectations or a desire to demonstrate filial piety. Your return to your hometown has played a role in fostering connections and expressing familial affection.

Ultimately, the decision to return to your hometown is driven by a desire to express your love for your family, which is a decision that should be made with consideration and responsibility. It is a decision that will undoubtedly bring happiness to all parties involved.

It is possible that you may have experienced the situation whereby you have provided a gift or other item of value to a family member, only to be met with a lack of appreciation. This could be in the form of clothing, food, healthcare supplies or other items. In such cases, the recipient may express their discontent, or even make harsh accusations. While such actions may be motivated by filial duty and a desire to show love and care, they can often result in a negative response. This can lead to a situation where the giver feels pressured, forced, bored or resistant.

Regarding the source and object of these pressures, when you are unable to find a way for the other party to express themselves that you are generally satisfied with, the relationship and link between resistance and avoidance is also a natural reaction.

Your presence demonstrates a willingness and responsibility, regardless of your actual feelings towards your grandparents. The optimal outcome is for you to be comfortable during this limited time together and to make your grandparents happy and content. If you cannot achieve this, it is unlikely that your grandparents will be able to achieve their goals, and your parents' objectives will also be unlikely to be met. From this perspective, you are the key to the success of this venture.

I appreciate your reluctance and restraint. Everyone has habits and preferences, and there is nothing wrong with that. For example, you don't like to eat, but you have to. You don't want to buy clothes, but you are forced to. Despite your resentment, you try your best to accept it. From this perspective, you are a filial and caring child.

As a university student, you have the opportunity to take the initiative and guide the development of the situation. Rather than waiting for the outcome, you can proactively shape the way forward. You acknowledge that your grandparents love you, but you have differing views on their approach. This is likely due to your self-righteousness or limited knowledge, particularly about the younger generation.

It is possible to take the initiative in proposing your preferred option in terms of method, thereby avoiding their inevitable or unwilling persistence. If you consider the situation from their perspective, the method is of secondary importance as long as it meets their needs and expresses their desire to express their love for you. For example, if you do not wish to purchase clothing, you can consider other items that would be more beneficial to you, such as footwear, trousers, or local specialties. There is always a trade-off; when you have to eat, you may experience discomfort, feel full, or follow the doctor's advice to eat in moderation, or you may rebel against their control.

Their actions are often stubborn and simple because they have been thinking and acting in this way all their lives. When they insist on a certain expression of love for you, it is indeed sometimes irresistible, which is also why it is so frustrating. More often than not, they are determined to express their love, rather than the specific content and form. It is just that they know so little about you. If you are willing to provide options that you prefer, a happy outcome can actually be achieved.

This is contingent upon your willingness to engage in more thoughtful and proactive relationship management. You undoubtedly possess the capacity to do so.

I wish you success and happiness in your future endeavors.

What a great question!

I totally get why you're feeling overwhelmed by the "heavy love of grandparents that I can't bear."

I'm excited to offer some opinions for your reference!

The reason for the emotional experience of "this self-righteous love makes me sick" is actually related to the grandfather's inadvertent and ambiguous sense of boundaries, which is an interesting and important insight!

As you described, "Grandpa used chopsticks to give me the meat in his bowl," "under Grandpa's insistence, I bought something I didn't want," and "he wouldn't let me call my mom and dad."

Even if you go back to your hometown, you will still have a sense of control and boundary issues as a "college student" who "has a slight obsession with cleanliness," "doesn't like Grandpa's behavior," and "really wants to escape." But don't worry! You can overcome these challenges and emerge stronger and wiser.

Because of the grandfather's careless or eager care, it has not only given you the chance to learn how to gain a sense of control, but also to embrace a sense of blurred boundaries.

But this blurred sense of boundaries is actually quite common in traditional Chinese families, which makes things really interesting!

In any original family, there are more or less inheritance relationships. In particular, the Chinese family culture's tradition of emphasizing family affection and connections has contributed to this blurring of boundaries, which is a fascinating aspect of Chinese family life!

Young people's sense of boundaries has greatly increased, which is fantastic! However, in a specific environment and time period such as returning to one's hometown, a blurring of boundaries is likely to occur. This means there's a possibility of a lack of sense of presence, but it's nothing to worry about!

And in these matters, as a younger generation, you absolutely must show the elderly enough respect!

And the best part is, you can recognize that "this is their love for me," "self-righteous love," and "heavy love."

It's also important to recognize that your grandfather is an independent individual who has been affected by his family of origin. He's an amazing person who just needs to feel loved even more as he ages physically and mentally.

So, show him some respect! Think about how you would like to be treated, and treat him the same way. Try to understand his feelings, and see things from his perspective. You'll be amazed at how much respect you can find when you do this!

And there's more! You should also find the right time and place to maintain regular communication and exchanges with the elderly.

The focus of communication is to use appropriate expressions to tell your grandfather about your feelings and experiences as described in this platform. This is a great way to help the elderly improve mutual awareness and understanding!

And the best part is, you can then learn and use gentle and tactful rejection at the right time!

You can avoid being influenced by grandpa's behavior, respect your own feelings, and get along happily! All you have to do is promptly and appropriately reject some boundary issues.

Absolutely! When communicating with the elderly, it's essential to remain calm and in control of your emotions.

When you get emotional, it's easy to get caught up in a spiral of negative thoughts. But remember, you can choose to break free from this trap! Instead of allowing yourself to fall into an emotional state of "hating this hometown, hating my grandparents, hating myself," try to stay calm and think positively.

If you remain calm, smile, and interact in a positive and optimistic way, you can absolutely get Grandpa to change his opinionated interests and attitude more quickly!

And there's more! It's also a great idea to wait until Grandpa has finished talking or doing before you express your disagreement or refusal. This way, you can avoid any unnecessary emotional conflict in advance.

Once he's finished talking and doing things, it's time for you to shine! Show him your gratitude and give him a positive response. Then, you can express some of your true views and thoughts in a calm and collected manner.

It's so important to make sure the elderly person knows you understand them, respect them, and consider their needs. When you do that, their behavior will be much more reasonable, and you'll feel so much better!

I really hope the above is helpful for you!

Hello!

I understand how you feel.

You wrote that you can't stand the love of your grandparents. This love is usually about hoping for their children's future. The elderly often express hope in simple terms, but things don't always work out as they intend. It seems like you're not expressing the same meaning, but something similar. This requires careful sorting out.

Secondly, you wrote that when you returned to your hometown during the summer vacation as a university student, your grandfather used chopsticks to give you the meat in his bowl. You don't like other people to serve you food, especially fatty meat. You also have a slight obsession with cleanliness. You don't like things that you have used to be used by others, including things that you don't want. You don't like to use things that others have used. You don't like your grandfather's behavior, and you can't talk to him about it. Later, he wanted to buy you clothes. You don't lack clothes, and you're only going to stay for a few days. Buying clothes and having to take them with you would undoubtedly add to your burden. You told your grandfather that you didn't want to buy clothes, but he took you to shop after shop. How could someone who strongly doesn't want to buy clothes enjoy looking at them? In the end, under your grandfather's insistence, you bought something casually, not happy inside. He still wanted to pay for it. You really wanted to escape, not knowing what to do. Sometimes they seem to be spying on you. Based on your description,

1. You're from the city, so you don't understand rural life. This is like in the movie Party A and Party B where the rich want to experience the poor's life.

Many rural areas are also doing well economically, especially those close to cities. Remote areas are still struggling.

The elderly person offering you the fatty part of the meat is showing care. You need to know a bit of history to understand this.

In your grandparents' era, fat meat was a symbol of happiness. You hate fat meat because your current living environment is so good.

3. The elderly buying clothes is a way of caring. This is because their thoughts remain at a certain point in time.

Advice:

1. Expressing your current state is normal. This state is not a disease, but it may change over time.

2. You can't say you're disgusted now; you can only say you don't understand it now. It's easy to be bad, but hard to be good.

The same goes for living conditions.

3. Life is like a play. The elderly and you now are from different eras. They can't adapt, but you can. Think positively.

This is just for reference.

Good day, I am writing in response to your question.

From your inquiry, it appears that you are facing a highly challenging and distressing situation. I empathize with your feelings of helplessness and resistance in the context of your grandparents' over-care.

It is clear that your grandparents' actions are motivated by their deep love for you. However, the way they express their love may not align with your needs and preferences. They may force you to eat food you don't like, take you shopping for clothes you don't need, or even forbid you to talk to your parents on the phone. While these actions are intended to demonstrate their love, they have caused you a significant psychological burden.

It is reasonable to expect that individuals will have their own preferences, habits, and needs. However, due to age and the circumstances of their upbringing, grandparents may not be able to grasp these concepts.

It is important to note that in this situation, self-blame is unproductive. Your feelings are valid and should be respected. It is recommended that you communicate with your grandparents in a gentler and more patient manner. For instance, when they are in a more amenable mood, you could sit down with them and explain your thoughts and feelings in a slow and measured way. This approach would demonstrate your appreciation for their love, while also allowing you to express your discomfort.

It may be helpful to find respected elders in your vicinity who are similar in age to your grandparents. These individuals could assist in persuading your grandparents to accept your ideas. Additionally, it is crucial to understand their actions from their perspective. The era and environment in which they lived shaped their approach to expressing love, and it is unlikely that they intend to cause you any trouble.

It is my hope that you will be able to resolve this conflict of love with your grandparents and find a way to get along with each other that is mutually acceptable and comfortable.

Hello! I'm so happy to be able to answer your question. I really hope some of my suggestions will be helpful to you.

Reading your description, I feel like I saw my childhood self! Let me tell you about my past experiences.

When I was young, I used to go back to my grandparents' house during the summer and winter vacations. I'm sure you're wondering why I went to my grandparents' house. Well, it's because my grandparents had already passed away.

So for the entire two-month summer vacation, I spent time with two lovely elderly people, one of whom was illiterate and the other semi-literate. This resulted in their limited knowledge, which was limited to the fact that the meals were more or less the same every day and they talked about more or less the same things.

I guess I've lived in the city for too long, since I was born. I just can't get used to the very primitive dishes from my hometown. One day I even found out that they were grown with manure, which made me feel even more uneasy.

On the other hand, because I was short when I was young, my mother would always make me an egg and a glass of milk in the morning, which made me hate eating eggs and even make me feel sick. But eggs were the most worthless thing in my hometown, so the hens laid eggs every day, and I ate eggs every day, and I could even see him at every meal forever.

Of course, I also got a bit frustrated and made a fuss, but my uncle was really understanding and would always buy the food I liked, so my life improved a lot!

But, sadly, those good times didn't last long.

Before the pandemic, my sweet grandfather passed away, and my dear grandmother had a craniotomy not long ago. She still can't speak clearly and sometimes doesn't recognize people. So I can no longer eat the dishes from my hometown that I used to hate, including the much-hated eggs.

As we get older, our elders always say, "Don't feel burdened by the love adults have for you. Don't reject the love that grandparents give us. It might sound annoying, but I know you love me. I just don't want to accept this love right now. In a few years, we'll understand what the adults meant."

I'm here to help you navigate this tricky situation. I'm like a mediator, with the kind of earnest persuasion that adults have. It's so important to enjoy and cherish the care that your grandparents show you. At the same time, I've just been through this stage, and I understand the weight of this kind of love. I also know how it feels to reject some delicacies or clothing aesthetics that you don't like.

Then we can take the middle ground, which is that the two of us have one thing in common: we don't live with my grandparents all year round. We only live with them for a few days or even a few months. So let's be a little bit more patient, shall we? Of course, on the basis of patience, we still have to keep expressing what we like to eat and what we don't like to eat.

For instance, even though we said we didn't like eggs, Grandpa, your braised fish was so good! I'd love to eat more. For grandparents, this can be a way to feel satisfied. In their eyes, they might still feel happy if they give their children good things, things their children like, and things that are nutritious.

Then let's try to find a happy medium. Something that is not only nutritious but also tasty for the child. Then, can't we agree with the child's opinion and not eat the things he doesn't like?

This part can also be extended. For example, even though you may not be allowed to call your parents when you're at your grandparents' house, and you may not be able to express your own thoughts, then when you return to your own home, you can still communicate with your parents and ask them to pass on a message for you. You could say that you really don't like this food and would like to have something else to eat. Or maybe you can say that although your grandparents want to buy you clothes, you don't really want to spend their money. In that case, you could give them a red envelope when you leave their house. This will satisfy their wish to give you something nice, and you won't waste their money. Plus, they can also keep some money in their hands for emergencies.

It also depends on whether you and your parents can communicate easily. When I was a kid, my parents were divorced and didn't have a lot of time to talk. So I asked my cousin, who was my uncle's child, to help me. She was around the same age as my sister and not much older than me. I could tell her my little secrets and she could tell her dad. It was a great way to communicate!

We can also choose a trusted, close person to act as a messenger or help us solve minor problems based on our family model and situation.

In short, we all understand, and you understand too, that this is actually a kind of love from your grandparents. We can accept it and even give it back to them to express our gratitude. We can slowly digest the rest ourselves, slowly explore, find a way to talk to them, and adjust our mode of getting along with them.

I really hope that through some self-reflection or just talking to your family members, you can find a way to make yourself feel happy and comfortable, and also make your grandparents happy too!

I love you, world! And I love you, too, my friend!

It might be the case that your grandparents just want to express their love through more intimate interactions, but they may not know how to love in the way you would like. They are probably just doing their best.

It is perfectly normal to understand your grandparents, even if you don't necessarily agree with them on everything. After all, love is a wonderful thing, and it can provide a great foundation for a relationship. How can you seek common ground while also respecting their differences?

Could we perhaps try to preserve the foundation of love while allowing each person to spend time together in their own preferred way?

If your grandparents are unable to express their love for you in the way you would like, it might be helpful to take the initiative and create opportunities for you to interact with them in the way you prefer. If they are not open to this, you could gently explain that you also have your own preferences and needs. It's likely that grandparents will be open to requests from their grandchildren.

You have the opportunity for close interaction, you have scheduled the time, and they have less time to schedule you. It seems that the purpose of love has also been achieved.

If you go to your grandparents' house during the summer holidays not to avoid your father, not to eat, sleep, and surf the Internet in a different place, then perhaps you could use your brain and think about how to express your love for them in a way that they can relatively accept.

If you love your grandparents, you might consider learning to retain some of the ways they love you. For example, you could go shopping for clothes and take the opportunity to chat with your grandparents while you shop. It's not about buying clothes, but rather increasing opportunities for interaction and getting to know each other better. You might learn about your grandfather's aesthetic tastes and gain a side view of his preferences, which could be helpful the next time you give your grandparents a gift.

Regarding dining habits, it might be helpful to discuss them with your grandparents. If you prefer not to eat fatty meat, you can choose not to eat it. Similarly, if you don't want someone to serve you food, you can let them know. You can also gently declare that this is your habit. Even if your grandparents are initially unsure or sad, they will likely understand that everyone's dietary hygiene habits are different and cannot be forced.

It may be helpful to consider finding a balance between assertiveness and flexibility. If you truly care about your grandparents,

I believe that the above can be broadly divided into two aspects: how to enjoy being loved by your loved ones, and how to actively love your loved ones.

Love is not something that can be taken passively; it is something that should be actively pursued.

I hope this message finds you well.

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach. I hope you are well. Life is a beautiful journey, and it is important to appreciate the moments that bring us joy.

I can sense your discomfort. While you recognize that your grandparents love you and are expressing their affection in a way that may not align with your preferences, you feel a sense of resentment and even dislike towards it. Let's take a closer look at the underlying issues:

All you want is to be simple, quiet, and true to yourself.

It is fair to say that the love your grandparents show you has had an impact on your previous way of life and on your aspirations for the future.

For instance, they might offer you meat on their chopsticks, which could be seen as a slight breach of your personal preferences. You don't eat fat, you don't like people to serve you food, and you're a bit of a neat freak.

While your grandparents' actions are motivated by love, they can sometimes create obstacles for you. It's as if the protective wall you've built over the past decade to keep out noise and disturbances has been completely destroyed.

It is also important to note that their love can sometimes feel like an emotional burden. As a younger generation, if you show indifference or apathy towards the care and love of your elders, especially your grandparents, you may be perceived as being inconsiderate, ungrateful, or disrespectful.

All you desire is to return to your hometown and reside simply and quietly in your own way for a while.

You find it challenging, and as a result, you feel a strong desire to leave.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a different perspective and look at what has happened again.

Perhaps it would be helpful to view this experience through a different lens. Instead of thinking of them as your grandparents, imagine it's not like you're going back to your hometown. Instead, it's more like going to a place to experience life, like participating in a reality show on CCTV.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to approach these situations with a different frame of mind. How do you feel inside when you encounter the simple and hospitable folks in the mountains and countryside?

While their hospitality may also affect your original life, it could also lead to a more understanding and accepting mindset.

Even if you had to accept their enthusiasm out of politeness, even if it was just "for show," didn't you feel a certain warmth inside? It's possible that you felt welcomed, respected, and treated in a friendly way that was unique to them.

I believe that while the people and things around us may remain the same, our perspective can influence the outcome and emotional experience. It's possible that what causes us distress is not our grandparents' love, but the way we interpret their love for us.

If you pin your hopes on them changing, it might not be the most constructive approach. It could be more beneficial to take the initiative yourself and become the master of your emotions.

3. Look for the positive in this experience.

Perhaps the most powerful thing is that your grandparents love you.

It is also important to consider that in the future, whether it is studying or working, you may not always be able to work with people you like and get along with. There may be times when you have no choice in these matters, such as when it comes to roommates, classmates, leaders, and colleagues.

If you find yourself in a situation where you have to work with someone you don't particularly enjoy, apart from avoiding the situation, are there any other options you could consider?

There are often multiple ways to approach any given situation. Family members can be supportive and understanding, and it's always an option to seek comfort in their presence. However, it's important to acknowledge that there are some challenges that require us to face them directly, and making the best choice within our abilities is an essential part of personal growth.

With an open and aware heart, we can find ways to mature and grow.

I hope these words are helpful to you, and that they bring you love and light.

If you would like to continue the exchange, you are welcome to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, question asker. I see your confusion: you say you don't know what to do when faced with heavy-handed love? This self-righteous love disgusts me.

You feel the love is heavy because you don't feel happy and content within. You feel watched and dislike being served food, even by your own relatives. This is not love; it's a burden. The more of this kind of love there is, the heavier the burden becomes.

We need to tell grandpa that it's okay if we can't convince him. There is a generation gap when we speak to people of grandpa and grandma's generation, so we need to keep communicating and expressing ourselves to let grandpa understand our true thoughts.

Secondly, we must refuse gently but firmly, again and again, just like communicating. At this time, we can use the method of non-violent communication. The goal is to make it clear to our grandparents that their love for us is not something we have to accept.

Finally, we only come back to live with our grandparents during the holidays. We can think differently: our grandparents love us, but we can't accept this kind of love. We don't have to go against our hearts, but we can clearly express that we don't like it, or even that we feel very uncomfortable. When our grandparents receive this message, things will improve.

That's all I have to say. At Yixinli, the world and I love you ❤️❤️❤️.