Feel uncomfortable communicating with outsiders; conversations and chats are particularly awkward. What should I do?

Hello, classmate.

I have seen your distress and I am here to help. I will talk to you about what I think and I will bring you relief and security. I will help you to like yourself and to like the one and only you in the world.

First, accept your anxiety and fear.

I know I'm not sociable. Even after an argument with someone, I lose control of my emotions. I'm afraid of other people's strange stares and feel awkward even having a simple chat with my neighbors. My mother likes to tell everyone her secrets that she doesn't want others to know, which makes you feel like your self-esteem has been insulted.

These emotions have always been with you. You feel as if you have depression, unable to control yourself, and it is very painful. I understand this feeling very well because I was in a situation very similar to yours before. I can help you.

Come with me and take a look at the old me.

I am 32 years old. Before I came into contact with psychology, I was someone who was not good at expressing my inner feelings. I cared a lot about what other people thought, and I was always afraid of saying the wrong thing when communicating with others. I was always cautious and careful, and I liked to cater to other people's emotions and feelings. I knew I was terrible. How could I be so unsociable and so fragile? Was I sick?

I refuse to allow myself to be defined by my doubts and self-blame. I take responsibility for my actions and the impact they have on others. This internal conflict is a constant, and when I go out, I face my fears head-on.

I need to get out of this state.

Then I watched a reading by Fan Deng and fell in love with books. I found release and relief in knowledge. Later, I came into contact with psychology, and when I read Adler's "The greatest misfortune for people is not liking themselves," it was like a revelation.

I woke up and realized that it was not others who had never liked me. I had to like myself, care for myself, accept all my faults and good points, fall in love with my lack of eloquence, and understand my various emotions and feelings. I had to change myself because I could not change others' views and attitudes towards me.

I have learned a lot from my experiences.

1. First, love yourself and don't feel bad about yourself. There's nothing wrong with being unsociable.

This is not a flaw or a fault. Not everyone is a social master. Many psychologists are introverted, and it is precisely because of this that they can better discover themselves, understand others, and achieve self-awakening and self-cultivation, reaching a higher realm to liberate themselves and save others!

We learn to accept that we are different from others, and that's a good thing!

Secondly, you need to ask yourself why you care what other people think.

You are too kind, your mind is too delicate, and you are too easily considerate of others. This is your shining point, and you must not treat it as a kind of torment or fear.

The next time you feel someone's gaze is unfriendly, tell yourself that their perception of you is not the real you. I allow their thoughts to exist, but I know that's not the real me!

3. You always lose control of your emotions and even argue after talking to someone.

Think about it. You need to understand how your emotions got out of control. Did it start with one thing and then escalate into an attack on yourself?

There is only one emotion, and many other emotions derived from it. For example, we go to school and almost reach the door when we realize we forgot to pick up the homework the teacher assigned. The teacher is going to check it today!

You will feel anxiety, confusion, and a strong desire to get it back. You will also feel angry and frustrated, wondering why your brain is not working properly.

My mother should have reminded me. I am not stupid.

Let me be clear: one emotion of impatience gives rise to so many others. Losing control is when we rise from a matter to an attack on the person!

The best way to solve it is to tell yourself that you're arguing about things, not people!

My child, do you see? We are unique in this world. If we don't love ourselves, who will?

Other people, including parents, are all independent individuals with their own thoughts and ways of doing things. We cannot change them, and we must not allow such an existence. What we can do is accept ourselves, realize that we are different from others, and know that we are good.

What you think of yourself is more important than what other people think!

I hope you have the courage and strength to pursue being different.

The world and I love you!

You must love yourself. It's the most important thing.

You have been prompted to respond to a system notification. We extend our gratitude for placing your trust in us and for providing us with the opportunity to communicate with you via text.

As a junior high school graduate, you are facing significant pressure to continue your education. Additionally, your emotional distress, interpersonal difficulties, and your family's lack of understanding are also affecting your daily life. When so many problems converge, it becomes overwhelming to manage.

It is my hope that the following information will prove beneficial to you in this situation.

First and foremost, a diagnosis of depression can only be confirmed through a professional evaluation at a Jingwei Center or a tertiary hospital's psychiatric department.

From the message, it can be seen that the individual has engaged in self-harm and that a diagnosis of depression cannot be confirmed by a written description alone. A diagnosis can only be made after a visit to a professional medical institution.

It is therefore recommended that individuals who suspect they may be experiencing depressive tendencies seek professional medical advice as soon as possible.

Context:

Secondly, if the individual in question experiences discomfort when initiating a conversation and finds it distressing when others gaze at them with a peculiar expression, it is possible that this is merely a phase of self-discovery.

The questioner is currently in the third year of high school, a period of significant personal growth and development. During this phase, individuals often become more attuned to external stimuli and may exhibit a tendency to retreat into their own world.

The questioner primarily discussed two aspects of interpersonal challenges:

1. The experience of awkwardness in an unfamiliar conversation

Interacting with unfamiliar individuals with whom one has minimal shared experiences and engaging in an uncomfortable conversation is a relatively common occurrence. The questioner may consider whether they would also experience a similar level of discomfort when interacting with their classmates.

If this kind of social discomfort persists among familiar classmates, it may indicate a tendency to avoid interpersonal interactions. Conversely, if this kind of social discomfort is absent among classmates with stronger social connections, it suggests that it is the norm among unfamiliar individuals, unless there is a willingness to engage in social interactions.

2. Gaze directed at oneself in an unusual manner

If the other person is perceived as "weird," it is to be expected that most people will experience feelings of discomfort. Therefore, the questioner's reaction is not uncommon.

The decision of whether or not to acknowledge the attention of the other individual is a personal one.

Ultimately, the mother's sarcasm indicates the presence of underlying personal issues. Those who have not yet achieved financial independence can seek assistance from other family members on one hand and establish a secure psychological space within themselves on the other.

My mother is perpetually sarcastic with me, both at home and in the presence of others. When I attempt to intervene, she often responds with the assertion that "Everyone knows you, and no one will laugh at you." I perceive this as a significant affront to my self-esteem.

The message indicates that the mother is unable to interact with her child in a positive manner and that her approach to parenting is likely to have a detrimental effect on the child's development, although she may be unaware of this.

In such a situation, it would be beneficial to seek support from one's father or other elders who can provide a strong social support system. It is also advisable to maintain a certain distance from one's mother to ensure personal growth and development.

In the event that support is lacking, it is possible to deliberately establish a secure and comforting psychological environment within oneself, thereby facilitating more effective coping mechanisms in the face of the present challenge.

As a therapist, my focus is on emotional well-being rather than the exploration of human nature. I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello, little host!

From your description, I can see that you are feeling helpless and sad, but also that you are trying hard, aware of your own situation, and that you have taken the initiative to come here and talk about it. What do you think, questioner?

The questioner has the courage to face problems, and I commend them for it.

First, let's tackle this together.

In junior high school, I had bad thoughts and simply acted on them. I was convinced I was not sociable, didn't like to chat with people because I would feel awkward, didn't like being stared at, and had some doubts about whether I was depressed. Your mother's attitude towards you made you feel that your self-esteem had been hurt.

Is that it?

After sorting out your description, I want to tell the questioner that it's okay. There are a lot of people struggling, but some are complacent and unwilling to speak up or change. Our active search for the causes and answers to problems is the beginning of our change. What do you think?

I want to know what made you come here and talk about it.

Tell me, what kind of strength has supported you? How did you get through those uncomfortable feelings?

The renowned psychologist Adler asserted, "The fortunate ones are healed by their childhood. The unfortunate ones heal you with their whole life."

I don't know the specifics of the questioner's situation, but I strongly suggest that they seek help from a professional psychological counselor to identify the root of the problem.

I don't know the specifics of the questioner's situation, but I'm confident that these suggestions will help you alleviate your bad mood.

You should exercise more.

Exercise releases a large amount of dopamine, which makes us feel happy. It can improve bad moods, make people feel happy, and effectively prevent and treat the effects of emotional stress and other factors.

When you feel down, don't just let it happen. Get moving! Go for a walk or go for a run.

Hippocrates, the father of medicine, said it best: "Sunshine, air, water, and exercise are the source of life and health."

Exercise is the best mood regulator for bad moods and an even better cure-all.

You should be good at discovering the beauty and fun in life.

Some people have a plain life, some have a glamorous life, some have a miserable life, and some have a passionate life. There's nothing wrong with life itself. The issue is whether we can see the beauty and find the interesting points in our eyes.

Your vision determines the height of your life. Your perspective determines the direction of your life. Look at the people and scenery around you. Go somewhere else to change your mood. You will discover that life is multifaceted.

You must believe in the power of accumulation.

No matter how big a stone is, it cannot prevent a seed from sprouting. Once the seed starts to sprout, the division of cells will continue at a slow but unstoppable pace. A drop of water can wear through a stone, and it will. Everyone is at the starting point, just like a cell or a drop of water. However, most people mistakenly believe or hope that they are strong and sharp like a laser beam from the start, but they are not.

You can cultivate patience through study and use it to wait for the unimaginable benefits and strength that can be gained after a long period of accumulation.

You can do it! You are great! You can do even better! Repeat these confident words to yourself. This positive self-suggestion helps you to continuously improve your self-confidence. It has been confirmed by psychological research. You are an adult now and no longer need to depend on others. You can make your own decisions in life. If you want to, you can break free from the influence of your parents.

You must strengthen yourself in a positive way and avoid negative reinforcement. When you encounter difficulties, do not give up.

Repeat these confident words to yourself: "I can do it!", "I'm great!", "I can do even better!" etc. This is an important positive self-suggestion that helps you to continuously improve your self-confidence.

Psychological research has confirmed this.

You are an adult now. You don't need to depend on them. You can make your own decisions.

You can break free from your parents' influence if you want to and are willing to take the necessary steps.

You are making life difficult for yourself by allowing your parents to continue influencing your life.

You must try to get rid of the influence of your parents on you. Otherwise, they will continue to influence your present and future life.

You are not alone. Many people grew up in similar families and have survived. You can too.