Feeling undervalued by others, yet feeling uncomfortable and still being angry, what should one do?

Hello! Thanks so much for your question. I'm learning in silence.

I totally get where you're coming from. I used to feel the same way. I thought I was awesome because I like reading. We all have different strengths and qualities. I felt like I had a lot of good ideas and that I was pretty great. But then I kind of looked down on others. At the same time, when I was being treated like an average person, I would also make excuses for myself and say, "I'm definitely better than him." But in reality, I don't have as many achievements as others, so my perception doesn't quite match reality. Later, I changed my name. Look at my name: "Studying in Silence."

I love learning new things! It doesn't matter if I'm good at it or not, I just enjoy the process of working hard and feeling happy. Are you the same? You have some skills, but you feel belittled by others. Does it feel like an insult? Then you get angry, and you want to prove your abilities. This can be really tiring, and it makes you easily agitated, which also affects your work.

Then, I'll share a few suggestions through my adjustments, and I'll also encourage myself:

One.

What's the point of chasing success? Is it to make others admire us?

We have the nature of our work. We can gain our identity by serving the community and serving others. Perhaps your colleagues know that you are very good, but they deliberately don't agree with you, perhaps out of jealousy, or perhaps they don't think it's anything special. But isn't it a good thing that we gain the approval of others by helping them? Nowadays, society is service-oriented. We gain the respect and recognition of society through service. In this way, do you think we have a lot of room for improvement and will we make even greater progress?

We use our skills to gain the respect of society, so that you can make many people feel that you are awesome. I'm sure you'll feel happier and more valuable!

2.

Mature ears of rice are drooping, which reminds me of the late, great academician Yuan Longping and Dr. Zhong Nanshan, who made significant contributions during the epidemic. Although these are all amazing people, we can take them as role models, learn quietly, and keep a level head. We can expect to gain the respect of others, which is so important. People who are respected must be people who serve society. At the same time, quietly hone your skills or start your own business, so that in 5 or 10 years, you will regret making relatively big progress and impressing people. If you think about other people every day, then I don't think we can calm down and improve ourselves. So, settle down a bit and let yourself make progress little by little. After a period of time, when others look at you again, they will realize that you have surpassed them by a long way. You are almost the same as them, and they are jealous of you. You have surpassed them by a long way, and they will start to admire you. So, maybe they feel that you are just a little better than them, and they can also do it if they practice hard. You can do what they can't, so they will feel that you are really strong. So, instead of paying attention to what they say, you might as well practice your skills hard and develop your own business. You've got this!

3.

It's so easy to get caught up in our work, isn't it? We can't always hear what others are saying, so let's close the window on gossip and focus on making ourselves better and better. If we do that, they'll see how great we are and stop saying anything.

Those are my thoughts, and I'm sticking to them! I'm working hard in silence, doing my own thing, while helping others when I can. I don't think about getting anything, though. My hard work is my seed, and it'll sprout and bear fruit in the future. You are the same! Let's encourage each other and work hard together to make those who can't stand us shut up, and let our good friends cheer for our success. There are always people who sing counterpoints with you in the world. If you delay your own time because you care about them, they'll be the happiest. So, make up your mind to develop yourself and let people who don't like you know that we are better than them. Finally, I'd like to borrow a quote from Master Yang Jiang: "I don't compete with others, and I don't care who I compete with. If you don't compete, no one in the world can compete with you."

Hello.

You expressed your feelings directly, and I understand the situation. You were compared to someone else, and the comparison will not stop.

You can't control what other people say in the workplace. They influence you, and it makes you feel suffocated and angry.

"Feeling belittled by others is very uncomfortable."

I clicked on the title because my father also has this personality.

When I took him on a trip, he wanted to go out at night, and I reminded him to wear a hat. I didn't mean to stop him from going out, but I also didn't want him to get sick.

He immediately turned his face away. I knew then that he was probably feeling that I was expressing the idea that he was getting old.

Another time, we went to a hot spring in Japan.

At the agreed-upon time, he didn't show up in the lobby. I caught a cold from the wind.

When we arrived at the train station, he tried to buy me medicine, but the train had already left and he hadn't returned.

I cried anxiously. Then he blew up.

I used my credit card to buy a train ticket.

When he saw that I had to buy a new ticket, he yelled at me, "Why didn't you go first?"

I discovered that he was projecting his own perception of himself onto my expressions towards him.

In society, you may encounter discrimination. Let me be clear: are people who discriminate against others well-bred?

Everyone has their own answer in their heart.

They have shut out warmth because they have encountered discrimination. This is a debt they owe themselves.

I want to tell the original poster that regardless of what happens, whether it's A, B, C, or D,

A confident person will absolutely encounter warmth. They are also far more capable of properly resolving issues in intergenerational inheritance without harming their own family.

Are you ready to challenge yourself and believe that you will encounter a genuine act of kindness?

Sincerely,

Dear question asker, I am honored to have the opportunity to answer your question.

From your description, it seems you may be experiencing some confusion about this anger towards yourself. At the same time, I can also sense your positive awareness that seeing is healing.

It would be helpful to understand anger better.

It is not uncommon to feel anger when we perceive that others are looking down on us. Such a perception can often feel like an attack, and anger can provide us with the strength to defend ourselves.

For this part of the anger, it might be helpful to accept the emotions of the moment and try to understand the meaning behind them.

It might also be the case that when you encounter contempt from others, you may think, "I'm not that bad," and feel a little angry as you rush to explain and prove yourself.

It would be helpful to be aware of this part of anger to see if it is a conflict between the blind me and the hidden me. The blind me is the part that others know but you don't, and the hidden me is the part that you know but others don't.

From what the questioner has shared, it seems that there may be a discrepancy between how others perceive them and how they perceive themselves. This discrepancy could be a source of frustration and anger.

It might be helpful to consider the concept of the "first impression effect."

The first impression effect, also known as the priority effect or first impression effect, refers to the influence of the initial impression formed by both parties in an interaction on subsequent interactions. This effect can be attributed to the influence of preconceived ideas.

While first impressions are not always entirely accurate, they tend to be the most vivid and lasting, influencing the course of subsequent interactions.

If a person makes a positive impression when they first meet, it can lead to a sense of connection and facilitate the process of getting to know each other more quickly. This can also influence how people interpret a series of subsequent actions and behaviors. Conversely, if someone causes the other person to form an unfavorable initial impression, even if contact is unavoidable for various reasons, it can lead to a sense of distance or even confrontation in some cases.

The questioner described how, while they have been able to demonstrate their ability to cut vegetables with great proficiency in other settings, they have encountered some challenges at B's store. They have received feedback from colleagues indicating that they are still perceived as not quite meeting the same standards as colleague A.

It may be helpful to recognize that your colleagues' impression of you still lingers.

If I might make a suggestion, you could consider using your strengths to demonstrate to your colleagues that you have changed and that you are capable of doing a good job.

I would like to suggest that we consider the concept of emotional competence.

When we are faced with our emotions, we can try to accept them after becoming aware of them, spend some time with them, and see what they want to tell us, with the hope of returning to inner peace.

The above represents only my personal opinions, and I hope they will be helpful and inspiring to you.

I'm grateful for your kindness.

Hello,

You care about other people's opinions. Other people's words affect your emotions.

We let other people's opinions affect our emotions. This is a failure to separate issues. We must distinguish whose business each issue is. We cannot control other people's thoughts and actions, but we can control our own. How I live my life is my business.

It's important to separate issues and focus on our own feelings and needs. If we always focus on others, we can't have a sense of self.

If someone points out our strengths or weaknesses, we should think for ourselves. We can also judge whether what they say is right. If we have weaknesses, we should reflect on ourselves and correct them.

Think for yourself. Pay attention to your own feelings and needs. Take responsibility for yourself. Other people's thoughts don't matter. Do the right thing in the moment.

I hope this helps.

It seems to me that the original poster's question and the content they provided contain three concerns.

Firstly, you feel that you are looked down upon by others. Secondly, you find it difficult to resist being influenced by other people's comments.

The third thing is that the people around you also seem to be easily influenced by someone and agree with his evaluation, even though they should be looking at the facts. This is causing you some distress.

For the first one, it seems like you're being looked down upon by others. It also seems like you're feeling a bit psychologically angry about your question title being looked down upon by others.

I read your description carefully, and I couldn't find any mention of you being belittled. The only thing that came close was...

"He A told other people B that I can't cut vegetables well, that I'm careless, and so on." This is just his opinion of you, and it's not a fair label.

It seems like he doesn't recognize your level of cooking, even though his evaluation is very different from the facts.

But it's not really fair to say that he looks down on you. If he makes an evaluation that you're a bad vegetable cutter despite the facts,

It seems like he's trying to belittle your ability to cut vegetables. He shared this comment in an attempt to hurt you.

It makes people think you're not good at your job. There's no belittling here.

To look down on someone is to despise, ignore, or belittle them. So there's a difference between the information you gave and your feelings about it.

There are two possible reasons for this. One is that you really feel belittled by this person, and you gave an inappropriate example.

Another thing to note is that this feeling you're experiencing isn't technically belittling. It's just a matter of how you're labeling it.

Your second concern is that you're easily influenced by what other people say and think about you.

"Oh, it's happened a few times now, and it's annoying." You get annoyed because other people's words influence you.

You tried to get your emotional autonomy back, but it didn't work out. You thought, "Why not? I don't think so myself. Inevitably, in life, we encounter the misunderstandings and rejections of others. I'll take this small setback as a lesson for myself."

You tried to make your own judgment, but it's not up to him whether I cut the vegetables well or not. But you weren't very successful because your attention and emotions were influenced by other people.

And you can't get back to focusing on things, nor can you regulate your emotions. "But I'm still in a bad mood.

"So when I get along with colleague B, I sometimes don't want to talk to him much, but I also feel that I should talk to him more, and I shouldn't pay too much attention to this incident, but I can't do it." You are particularly susceptible to influence, which makes you confused about what distance you should maintain with B. Should you share certain things?

You're starting to feel confused. I think your feeling of being belittled is probably included in the second concern, which is that you are actually easily influenced by other people's words.

It's also possible that you're just not speaking up, and you're being underestimated as a result. Based on what you've told me so far, I think you're more likely to be influenced by other people's opinions.

There are two reasons why you are influenced by other people's words. One is that you lack self-confidence and are easily swayed. You are influenced by other people's looks, attitudes, and comments.

It's like a country that's weak and can't protect its borders. It also has no autonomy.

It's easy to be influenced by others. If the United States prints money, you get inflation; if the United States sneezes, you catch a cold.

It's basically a matter of not having a strong enough self-structure and not being dense enough. Another possibility is that you're a colleague who is particularly good at influencing other people's emotions.

I'm not going to get into the specifics of who's involved. In a nutshell, there are people who can easily influence others and they have a certain kind of presence.

For instance, some people can make others hate them, others pity them, and still others just get on your nerves.

The third concern is that the people around you agree with A's opinion and assessment. They really think your vegetable-cutting skills are not up to par, and you don't know what to do. It seems like this is an external reality, and there is nothing you can do about it.

But the truth is, you're a part of this reality too.

So, here's the question: If you don't cut vegetables as badly as A thinks, how come this fact is being ignored?

How can the people around you agree with A's statement? How can everyone ignore the facts?

This part might require you to keep exploring and transforming your ideas into words.

To sum up, the question you asked shows that you're easily influenced by other people's words. There's no easy way to deal with this problem.

The only way to deal with this is to keep building your own identity. We all construct our own sense of self.

Your current draft is still missing a few pieces, leaving room for other people's input to fill in the blanks.

To get past these intrusive words, you have to come up with your own words. This means you have to keep sharing your own story and telling it in your own way.

Your own story is what makes you you. The richer and more vivid the story,

The stronger your ego, the more it can stand the test of time. So I encourage you to keep sharing and organizing your own life story.

Hello, and thank you so much for inviting me! I'm Shu Yiqingzheng, a psychological exploration coach at One Mind. I'm really excited to share my thoughts and to give you all some warm support!

It's so important to feel valued and loved by those around you. You are worthy of love!

You can see your anger and objectively see the different parts of yourself. You are seeking help and self-growth through psychology, and you are really great!

01, there's this fascinating "mirror self-effect" in psychology. This theory suggests that, first, we all imagine how the people around us "know" ourselves. Second, we imagine how others "evaluate" ourselves based on this knowledge.

And in the end, we'll have certain feelings based on other people's understanding and evaluation of ourselves. But here's the best part: these feelings will dominate our perception of ourselves!

This kind of imagination allows us to see how our emotions and perceptions can be easily influenced by others. It's important to recognize that we can feel inferior, fearful, or angry at the mere thought of being rejected. This is a natural response, but it's also an opportunity to embrace our true feelings and needs.

It's time to see your own feelings and needs, be brave and be true to yourself, pay attention to and understand yourself, and accept and love yourself!

This is why it is so important to put yourself first, especially in relationships with people who don't understand or respect themselves.

02. Amazing things can happen when you untangle the knots of fear of losing and gaining!

The "Warenda effect" has an inspiring story behind it. The famous American tightrope walking artist Warenda, who was a legend in his field, focused too much on the outcome in his later years. This led to a setback, but it also taught him a valuable lesson.

After this, psychologists named this mentality the "Wallenius mentality," which is also known as the "Wallenius effect." This is when you're anxious about gains and losses under great psychological pressure, which ultimately leads to results that are contrary to your wishes.

Work and career are about your own well-being and development, so we all hope to do well and gain the understanding and recognition of our colleagues. However, if expectations are too high or we pursue perfection, there will inevitably be some anxiety and pressure about gaining and losing. This is what I call the "Walden mentality." But don't worry! There's a way to overcome this.

In fact, you can absolutely lower your expectations of being recognized by your colleagues. You can be committed to continuous learning and improvement at work. You can let go of your worries about gaining or losing. Your heart will suddenly feel clear and relaxed. Your anger and discomfort will also be relieved and released.

Right now, it's crucial to embrace an ordinary heart.

03, "Ordinary mind" is an amazing psychological term that refers to a person's attitude towards the development and changes of things.

The wonderful thing about an ordinary mind is that it doesn't require us to respond to success and failure passively. It encourages us to strive for success with all our heart, without demanding perfection. And as long as you have tried your best, that is enough! The key is to have a calm and unhurried heart.

Many people make the mistake of thinking that the ordinary mind is just a collection of ideas and views such as "doing nothing, not competing, not being greedy, and being content." But it's so much more than that! These ideas and views are just the appearance of the ordinary mind.

If you have potential, you must work hard to achieve it! Don't let anything stop you. The key is not to care too much about your success or failure when you don't earn it.

The good news is that you can have an ordinary mind! All you have to do is make sure that your heart is not overshadowed by worldly fame and fortune.

People with an ordinary mind are always ready for new adventures! They have a positive mindset when encountering things and calmly think things through. They can even look at things from two sides! If something isn't quite right, they'll easily make adjustments and corrections in time through self-awareness. They're never passive because of the prejudices of others!

When you can find peace of mind, you can also bring out your greatest potential! Of course, you can then regulate some negative emotions, including anger and anxiety, very well.

04. Be true to yourself!

We often define negative emotions such as inferiority, anger, vulnerability, and anxiety as bad, and positive evaluations and emotions such as competence and happiness as good. But guess what? This is actually a cognitive bias!

True self-acceptance is seeing yourself without any judgment, allowing yourself to have different parts, rather than simply separating the "good" from the "bad." There is no absolute division between good and bad, so there's no need to split yourself up into two different people!

Everything has a crack, where the light shines through!

At this moment, I invite you to take a long, deep breath, look intently into your own eyes in the mirror, and say to yourself, with excitement and conviction:

Hello! I see your face, real, natural, ordinary but totally unique. I also see your inner self, with a part that is inferior, and likewise I see the part that is confident.

I saw some of your vulnerability, and I saw your courage!

I saw some of your anger, and I also saw your calmness, and it was amazing!

I saw some of your worries, and I also saw your relaxation—and it was a beautiful thing to behold!

I also see that there is so much more to you inside!

I can see you in every part, and it's so exciting!

Dear, I see you!

When we understand and accept ourselves, accept our different parts, and accept ourselves as such a real and complete self, something amazing happens: firmness and confidence sprout within us!

We can give ourselves a position, a boundary, and determine what is our own business and what is other people's business. The best part is, we just need to take responsibility for ourselves! And as for other people's thoughts and comments, they are their own business.

Even if you are not perfect at the moment, that's okay!

It may take some time to change and accept yourself, but it'll be worth it! Just seeing the problem is the first step towards solving it.

Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology, once made an incredible proposal: that all human troubles stem from interpersonal relationships!

The good news is that these troubles stemming from interpersonal relationships can be helped! You can seek professional help from a counselor or learn to grow and improve your communication skills.

It's not that you're not good enough! It's that we all need to grow and empower ourselves to support ourselves.

Reading is an amazing way to develop our ability to think independently and nourish and enrich our hearts! It's a great idea to read some psychology books on personal growth and family relationships.

For example, I highly recommend books such as "The Courage to Be Disliked," "The Art of Communication," and "Becoming Myself," and so on!

The world and I love you! And I'm here to help!

I'm a heart exploration coach at Yi Xinli, and I'd love to help you! If you want to continue the conversation, just click "Find a Coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I'll be there waiting for you!

In the contemporary era, it is inevitable that individuals will be subjected to various forms of judgment from others. Some may praise one's qualities, while others may disparage them, suggesting that they are inferior to others. This often involves a degree of comparison, and it is not uncommon for individuals to perceive that they are being undervalued and underestimated by others.

Furthermore, you possess your own abilities and self-esteem, and it is therefore unsurprising that you are reluctant to be underestimated by others. It is possible for you to achieve a higher level of success and to attain a more elevated position in life. You are also an individual of considerable merit. It is important to bear this in mind.

It is often challenging to alter the opinions of others, as they tend to adhere to their own theories. When we place undue emphasis on the views of others, it can have a detrimental impact on our lives and emotions. Individuals often espouse a multitude of ideas, and not all of them are necessarily equitable or well-considered.

It is therefore futile to concern oneself with such statements that do not accurately reflect reality. Undoubtedly, there are aspects of his life that are inferior to yours. There is always something to be learned from others, and everyone possesses both weaknesses and strengths. One might consider the actual state of mind of the individual in question.

If others possess certain merits, it is possible to learn from them or to sincerely wish them well. Additionally, one can retain some of one's own characteristics and specialties. For example, some colleagues have asserted that one is unable to cut vegetables, which is demonstrably false, as one is perfectly capable of doing so.

One may still experience a certain degree of discomfort when defending oneself, accompanied by a hint of jealousy. It is possible to perceive the various challenges that arise in this situation. At times, it may be necessary to take action when circumstances dictate. One can express one's views and demonstrate the possession of facts. This is a task that can be accomplished.

In the event that these colleagues continue to exhibit a lack of belief in your assertions, it may be necessary to accept their continued presence in your professional life. It is important to recognize that their unwillingness to accept your perspective is a deliberate act, and that attempting to persuade them would be futile. Should you find that these colleagues are still having an adverse effect on your lifestyle and life experience, it may be beneficial to seek the guidance of a heart exploration coach or psychological listener.

Please clarify the question.