[Forms of Love] Worried that my child won't amount to anything, I'm very strict with him. Is that not okay?

Hello, question asker. I need to know if you are the father or the mother, and I need to know how old your child is. This will help me give you a more helpful answer.

Given the information I have now, I must tell you that your thoughts and actions are not advisable! If this is your long-term educational concept and current situation, your child's mental health is likely to be affected.

First of all, you have put a bad curse on your child, and he will not turn out well. Adolescents are in the process of development in all aspects, so your child is pregnant with all kinds of possibilities. You have prematurely given your child a result. I understand your concern, but you don't believe in your son. He is growing and can create all kinds of possibilities. This is your own narcissism at work. You see your child as an adult, but he will always seem childish and immature. This is a characteristic of his current stage of life. His cognitive scope is still limited, and his mental and physical development is still in an immature stage. He cannot think like an adult.

I advise you to crouch down next to your child and see the world from his perspective. I am certain you will make new discoveries. This will show you how important it is to experience what your child experiences. Putting yourself in someone else's shoes is not easy. Adults often have a sense of authority that comes from being superior. This sense of authority may be a way of satisfying the adult's narcissism. For a child who depends on you, the adult's sense of confidence and superiority is very certain.

Put yourself in your child's shoes. Don't jump to conclusions. Your child may take your words as a simple, casual remark, but to them, you are an authority figure they have to rely on completely. They are powerless to resist, and this could affect them for a long time, or even for the rest of their life.

Secondly, for boys, the issues of inferiority and transcendence are more important during the process of psychological development. It is essential for a young boy to overcome his feelings of inferiority, break through his own limitations, and form a transcendent and competent mentality if he is to grow up to be a responsible man. In this process, boys will experience setbacks, their confidence will be tested, and they will need to have sufficient psychological energy to fight against setbacks and reaffirm themselves. It is the responsibility of parents to transmit this psychological energy to their children during the process of parenting. A child's confidence and courage are as fragile as a small flame, and parents must carefully help their child block excessive wind and protect the small flame from going out so that it can grow stronger.

Parents must not become a source of excessive frustration for their children. If you "hit when they go wrong, scold when they don't correct themselves, and hit harder when they don't change," you are causing your child traumatic experiences. Children need the right amount of frustration, not violence.

I am surprised by your scolding behavior. In this age of advanced information technology, I did not expect you to have this kind of attitude that prevailed in the distant past. I would like to know your mental health level.

Raising children is not easy. Being a good enough parent is a skill that requires learning. Children need to grow up through learning, and parents also need to grow themselves through learning. You need to seek psychological help to sort out your own relationships and growth experiences in your original family. You probably grew up in an environment of scolding and beating, and you are familiar with and passively identify with this model, subconsciously treating your children in the same way.

In counseling, you will learn to see yourself, understand yourself, and care for yourself. Once you have done so, you will be able to see your child, understand your child, and care for your child.

Hello question asker

You said beating and scolding can educate boys well, so I don't think you would ask this question today. You must have found something wrong, but you don't know whether to continue to educate your child in this way. Here's a brief analysis.

In the 1960s and 1970s, it was common to scold and beat children. Parents believed that if children didn't listen, they should be beaten. This is not effective education. If you grew up this way, you probably felt pain. Don't let our children experience the same.

Second, society is changing. Even our children are growing up faster and more physically than before. This means we need to change how we think and parent. Everything else is changing, and we are the only ones who haven't. How can we provide better education? I understand you love your child and want the best for him. But are we willing to listen and communicate more with our children?

You, like many fathers, believe in a strict approach to raising boys. This may be because men are expected to be strong and not show emotion. However, there are more and more problems with young people in our country. As parents, should we listen to our children and show weakness? The best way to ensure they grow up healthy is to love them. If we raise our children well, do we still need to worry about whether they will do well in the future?

I hope my answer helps. Kids who are scolded and beaten are hurt. If you love your child, talk to him in a loving way. This will help avoid conflicts during adolescence.

Greetings.

From your description, it is evident that you desire your child to succeed, and I empathize with your child as well. In some of my discussions on family education, I have explicitly disapproved of parents who utilize the term "discipline" to describe the significance they ascribe to their children's education.

It is important to note that the term "teach" and "guide" are not entirely synonymous. While both imply imparting knowledge or guidance, there are subtle yet significant differences between the two. The term "teach" often carries a connotation of direction or management, whereas "guide" tends to imply a more collaborative and supportive approach.

1. The act of teaching entails a shared responsibility with regard to both behavior and cognition. To illustrate, in ancient times, private school teachers would frequently utter the phrase "teaching without harming the way" after a student had committed an error, thereby indicating that they had erred in their pedagogical approach. This concept of shared responsibility is one that I wish to express. In the present era, a considerable number of parents adhere to this same principle.

2. The term "control" carries the implication of evading accountability with respect to both conduct and cognition. In a live lecture, an individual observed that when a parent employs the term "control" to describe the degree of attention they devote to their children, the initial impression is that of a work environment.

Many parents are unaware that this is, in fact, a relatively straightforward concept. They have effectively transferred the management model that they are accustomed to in the workplace into their own approach to education. Parents tend to believe that managing their children is the most effective strategy. However, from a data-driven perspective, this is not necessarily the case.

It can be argued that the most primitive form of education is that which involves physical punishment or verbal reprimand when a child displays inappropriate behaviour. It is therefore recommended that greater attention be paid to the country's understanding and policies on education.

It is noteworthy that beginning in 2018, several first-tier cities have demonstrated a growing interest in family education. In the period following the implementation of the Family Education Promotion Law on January 1, 2022, family education (also known as science education) has been strongly endorsed by the state.

It bears noting that, in my own lectures, I have frequently emphasized that the foundation of family education is the necessity for parents to maintain a state of continuous learning. It is only through this approach, in conjunction with family education, that parents can effectively nurture exceptional children.

Opinion 3: If a child continues to misbehave, the consequence may be a more severe form of punishment. It is important for parents to understand that their actions can have a significant impact on their child's emotional well-being. Many parents may not be aware of this. The following is an illustrative example of how this can affect a child.

1. Tyranny. In the contemporary era, children are developing self-personality at an earlier age. Children who are frequently subjected to physical abuse within their family environment will develop tyrannical tendencies, akin to an inflated balloon. A balloon is perpetually being inflated until it reaches its maximum capacity, at which point it will inevitably burst. Humans, in a similar manner, can be conceptualised as invisible balloons.

Your behavior can be described as akin to that of inflating a balloon.

2. Cowardice and timidity. If an error is made, the child will be punished, yet will remain unaware of the cause or the nature of the misdeed.

This is an error that parents frequently commit when attempting to guide and direct their children. However, it is the child who is lacking in knowledge who is ultimately responsible for bearing the consequences of this mistake. As a result of this erroneous approach, the child becomes weak and timid.

To ascertain the extent of this impact, one might consider a number of illustrative examples.

Point of View 4: Fear of Boys Learning The extent to which boys learn is not contingent on parental fear; rather, it is shaped by the manner in which parents guide their children to establish their own values.

This is also part of family education, namely the establishment of appropriate values, which will make it less likely for boys to engage in such behavior. Conversely, behavior like yours is more likely to result in the formation of undesirable habits due to the influence of curiosity.

The most classic line is, "Curiosity killed the cat."

Point 5: It is important to note that the application of pressure to a child should be done in a manner that is conducive to positive outcomes. If pressure is not applied in an appropriate manner, it can potentially lead to adverse effects, such as a sense of burden rather than motivation.

This also elucidates why students continue to experience significant distress despite the government's repeated reduction in homework assignments, largely due to parental pressure. Frequently, a parent's assertion, "I'm only doing this for your own good," renders them the most culpable of all parties involved.

It is recommended that further research be conducted on the subject of home education, as there is a great deal to learn. Once the necessary information has been gathered, parents should then establish their own approach to guiding and parenting, which will in turn demonstrate to them that their child is in fact highly intelligent and capable.

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