Four years of long-distance relationship, more than two years together, what's next for a marriage that is fading away?

Hello, question asker.

It sounds like you are facing a boring, tasteless marriage that has plunged you into confusion and bewilderment.

What is the meaning and value of it?

You seem to have found the answer, which is that it is caused by differences in worldviews and values.

I want to know if you noticed this problem when you were first in love. If you did, why didn't you stop it in time?

I also want to know how you first fell in love with your husband.

When did you first realize that you and your husband were speaking different languages and were on different wavelengths?

I have discussed your confusion from the following perspectives:

First, I want to know if your loss of interest in your current marriage is due to your own personal growth.

Or is it a kind of aesthetic fatigue?

Let me be clear: the current situation in your marriage is that if one person is actively studying hard and

It is only natural that they will start to drift apart if one person's level of awareness and understanding improves while the other stays the same. If this goes on for a long time,

They have become familiar strangers.

Second, was it caused by an initial misjudgment of the person and a hasty marriage? Or was the initial marriage just to fulfill a mission?

You married for the sake of marriage.

If you got married too young or to avoid worldly pressures, you did so when you reached the legal age for marriage.

This kind of marriage is simply a way to cope with societal expectations while ignoring one's own feelings. There is no blame to be placed on the situation today.

Third, this is the result of a long period of lack of necessary communication.

If you ignore your partner's feelings after getting married, it will inevitably lead to

There is a lack of passion and disappointment in the marriage.

Fourth, the current disappointment in marriage is undoubtedly the result of a flawed plot.

You want to find a soulmate with whom you can harmonize. You want to find a soulmate.

I believe this is an ideal image of marriage, but it is almost impossible to achieve in reality.

There are bound to be differences in family background, culture, education, personality traits, and personality structure.

Structure, and different communication styles create individual differences. Two people who love each other come together, and after more trial and error, they find

Accept and appreciate each other.

I'm going to tell you how to keep love fresh and how to better manage a marriage.

Open and honest communication is the key.

Tell each other your thoughts, feelings, and the needs behind them. Understand each other's needs and feelings.

Tell each other your thoughts, feelings, and the needs behind them. Understand each other's needs and feelings.

Make sure the other person understands your feelings and needs.

Second, reconnect with your partner through love.

I want to know where the initial love for each other was and when it was lost.

Find out what the other person's interests are.

What are your mutual interests? For example, you should prepare an unexpected gift for your partner.

Add some romance.

Third, it can add a little sense of "sexual happiness" to each other.

Improving the quality of your sex life will enhance your sense of well-being and increase your expectations for your marriage.

It is not convenient for women to take the initiative to say it out loud. They can hint at it or send indirect signals.

Spouses must understand the need to share happiness.

Fourth, create an atmosphere of a common topic together.

Read a book together. Watch a movie together. Exchange your understanding and opinions.

These are not about differences in understanding. They are about creating a space for blending with the other person.

I am Consultant Yao, and I will continue to support and care for you!

Question asker:

Hello! From what you have told me, I can tell you're going through a rough patch.

Let's dive in and analyze your problem together!

You were apart for four years, together for more than two years, and married for a year and a half. I have to say that your relationship is very deep. It is generally difficult to persevere through four years of being apart, but you did it! I wonder what kept you together back then?

The two of you entered into marriage with nothing but the necessities of life, and slowly got to know each other better. But over time, life dulled the passion, and you felt that all that was left was the other person's shortcomings. Is that it?

I bet there was something about him that really drew you in!

You say that he doesn't understand you, isn't motivated, doesn't take responsibility when important things happen, and his life is full of negative energy. I want to ask, was he like this from the beginning? Or did he slowly become like this over time after living with you?

Have you ever considered whether you are also responsible? It would be so great if you could try to make some efforts!

You feel like you're drifting apart, and since you don't have any children, you don't think much of getting divorced, right? What exactly do you mean by "worldview and values"?

It's true that having different worldviews can make things a bit more challenging, but it's absolutely possible to get along well! With mutual understanding and learning to respect each other, you can live together harmoniously.

He totally gets it! If there's no harmonious other half, he'd rather live alone. But how do you think a harmonious other half comes about?

I'm excited to hear your thoughts on how a happy marriage comes about!

You don't really want a divorce, do you? You just don't know what to do at this stage. I have some ideas that I think you'll find really helpful! See if you can consider them:

1. Is your understanding of marriage reasonable, and do you have too high expectations? You can absolutely adjust! How can you adjust? What do you really want?

2. Absolutely! You communicate with your husband when you have disagreements. And your communication is effective!

3. Have you thought about having children? It would be so wonderful if you two could consider this!

4. Have you ever thought about what the core of your relationship has been for so many years? Think about your husband's strengths!

Absolutely! These highlights can support your marriage!

5. It would be great if your husband knew about this! What is his attitude?

Have you two had a chance to chat about this? If not, is there a time when you can talk about it? I'm sure you'll find a way to make it work!

It would be great if you could find a direction that the two of you are willing to work together on!

6. Absolutely! You can do all kinds of fun things together, like doing housework together, going to the movies together, traveling together, and so much more. This is a great way to enhance your feelings for each other!

7. Reading books on marriage and relationships is a great way to grow as a person! Some great examples are "Intimacy," "The Five Love Languages," "The Truth About Marriage," and "Men Are From Venus, Women Are From Mars," just to name a few!

It is easy to fall in love, but not to get married! There are never two people who are naturally a perfect match. But that's okay! More often than not, two people have to work hard together to get closer to each other. And that's what makes marriage so exciting!

The most beautiful gesture in marriage is to appreciate each other! I appreciate your differences, and you accept my imperfections!

I really hope my answer can help you a little, so that you can find the secret to marital happiness!

Thank you so much!

Hello!

I understand your confusion and helplessness. I'm here to comfort you.

The original poster is distressed because there is a big gap between reality and ideals.

If I can't have a good relationship, I'd rather live alone.

The poster wants a partner who is spiritually compatible.

However, as we get to know each other better, we become dependent on each other. This makes it difficult to change the other person.

We have to change ourselves.

Do you think the original poster is her husband's other half?

Why do we only ask others to meet our needs? We should also try to understand our partners' needs.

He never understands me. He's unmotivated and irresponsible. He has a negative outlook on life.

The hostess thinks her husband has shortcomings. She can't change him unless he realizes the problem. Does she accept him as he is or replace him? Even if she replaces him, another problem may exist.

He's not unfaithful and is good to me. I'm not tired of him or in love with someone else, but we've grown apart after living together. It's a matter of world view and values. We've been having a cold war for more than a month.

When two people in a marriage have different personalities and habits, there will also be problems.

1. Affairs outside the marriage, 75.8% of family and marital problems

2. Personality incompatibility, 6.5%

3. Infidelity, 4.3%

4. Sexless marriage, 3.1%

5. Boring marriage, 2.7%

6. Domestic violence, 2.6%

7. Cultural differences, 2.2%

8. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, 1.9%

9. Other, 0.9%

From the data, we can see that infidelity is the biggest problem in marriage. The poster and her husband don't have this problem.

If personalities don't match, there are no identical leaves.

Marriage helps you grow as a person.

In-laws will come into your life too. You will have children. Being kind to others helps you to understand yourself better.

Children can also cause pain.

As parents, you have to accept this to show love and tolerance.

If you don't have someone to share your life with, you might choose to live alone.

It's also a choice and lifestyle of the original poster.

No matter what you choose, I hope you won't regret it.

Don't make choices you regret. If you do, don't regret them. This can reduce your suffering!

Happy life to the landlord!

I love you, June!

It's so important to remember that a cold war is not a rational choice for resolving emotional conflicts. It can end up being the worst choice of all.

First of all, you two have been together for quite some time. I'm just wondering when you first started thinking about ending the marriage. It must have been before the month-long cold war.

It's so true that relationships are cultivated day by day. And the same problems also grow day by day, until one day they hit you particularly hard and you start to think about ending the marriage. I really think you should think about what happened, and on what day, that made you think this way.

I really think this could be really important for you in deciding whether to repair your relationship or not.

Secondly, it sounds like you have a very comprehensive view of his good and bad qualities, but it seems like you are holding back a lot of anger. I can tell you're actually dissatisfied with him, sweetie.

I'd really love to know what he thinks of you. What are his expectations for your marriage and future?

Do you two ever chat? It would be great if you could try to communicate and exchange your thoughts!

Third, emotional intimacy requires interaction between both parties. It's important to remember that if you are the only one thinking and trying to improve, it might not be as effective as it could be. Both parties need to work together to make things better!

It's so common to feel like the other person isn't satisfied when, really, it's often because we're not totally happy with ourselves. Have you ever thought about whether you're happy with yourself as you are?

What are some ways we can enrich, change, and adapt to make things even better? I think this could be a great start!

I really hope you can make a breakthrough, my friend. You can find me on my personal public account, Pretentious Youth (ID: qingnianJIA2020). I'd love to keep in touch!

Yi Xinli I'm here to answer all your questions! You can also find me on the Answering Questions Hall Mutual Aid Community, World, and I Love You >> https://m.xinli001.com/qa