From childhood to adulthood, I have never been able to fit in with the group and have no sense of existence. What should I do?

Hello, question asker.

From what you've said, I can see that you're determined to stop being invisible. You want to challenge yourself, but you're lacking a bit of courage.

We see that other students in the class will interrupt the teacher at any time and will do things that are difficult for us. In the general environment, social cows seem to be more popular. We stay in the introverted world for a long time and seem to acquire learned helplessness. We feel that we can't do this well, but in fact it may not be as difficult as we think. The thing we worry about the most has not happened. We are not very confident in our choice of topic. Perhaps we need to recognize ourselves first and believe that we are just as popular, but we just don't have the courage to do it. If we are confident in our abilities and believe in them,

It seems pretty straightforward.

Be aware of where our inner fears come from. If we can't eliminate them in the moment, try to listen to the voice inside. We can also slowly practice and choose a way that suits us. If we can't speak in class, can we prove ourselves in other ways? Gold will shine wherever it is, even if it doesn't shine for the time being, but please believe in yourself.

The law of attraction says that if we really want to accomplish something, the best way to do it is to imagine that we've already done it and achieved it. How would we feel inside?

There will undoubtedly be many challenges in life, but how we approach them is crucial.

It's worth trying to discover your strengths and build on them.

Best wishes! I'm a bit behind schedule, but I'll get to you soon. Have a great night! Best wishes!

Good day. I can see that your feelings are very mixed. On the one hand, you want to feel like you belong in the class, but on the other hand, you feel like if you try hard, you'll be stealing the teacher's attention. You have to know that if you have two voices in your head when doing something, you won't do it well. The result is just like the example you gave: you spoke a total of three times, no more than 30 seconds each time. You're in an internal power struggle, and on the other side, people are already fixed in their own layers.

From your description, I understand that you are experiencing some fear. Could you please elaborate on what you are afraid of? Have you ever been laughed at for this experience?

What would be the result of you speaking up from now on? Why do you believe you are undeserving of the time of your teachers and classmates?

If you are experiencing difficulties in expressing yourself clearly, it would be beneficial to practise your public speaking skills and address any shortcomings. If you have previously been ridiculed due to your inability to express yourself effectively, it is important to express your emotions and work through any underlying issues, rather than combining them with feelings of incompetence and cowardice. This will help you to move forward and achieve your goals.

I must confess that I am unsure what is meant by the term "fixed stratification." It seems to me that nothing is fixed and unchanging. It just depends on whether you want to break it or not. Given your many ideas and desire not to be insignificant, why not just go for it? Why trap yourself in this circle?

I hope these comments are helpful. Best regards,

There's a great point here. Everyone has a specific role to play. Some people are like this, while others are like that. It's fascinating to see how everyone in this circle maintains a balance of roles, ensuring the circle can continue to operate very stably.

If someone's persona or character suddenly changes a lot, it can be really exciting! For example, an activist becomes a passive person, and a passive person becomes an activist. This can really shake up the balance in this group and make other people's jaws drop!

They're absolutely astonished! How did this happen?

Oh my goodness, is something going on at home? Or is there something more difficult to talk about that has caused a change in his character? So many possibilities!

So if we suddenly want to go from being an invisible person to a heartthrob, or to be able to please everyone,

Or you could become a slightly more active student, which would be great! But then others might feel a bit suspicious. For you personally, there is also a lot of pressure involved, because you have to be braver than before to break through your previous impression. Then the question is, are you really willing to break through yourself and become that kind of student?

So, you want to become one of those active students? Great! But, what's the point? Does the benefit outweigh the cost?

You still have to think about it yourself. If you become an activist just to become an activist, the time cost and adjustment cost involved may affect your grades and future development.

So what's the best way to do it? Absolutely the best way is to weigh up the question of why you want to let yourself be part of the group. Even if you don't join the group, you are already part of it. Even if you are a nobody, you still have a role to play. In this group, the role of the nobody may not be as dazzling as those of the activists, but it's still a great opportunity!

But here's the cool part: even though you might not be the "lead singer," you still have a super important role to play. You're the bassist, the guitarist, and the piano accompanist—and you're all equally awesome! Plus, as an invisible person, you won't have to bear too much pressure. You can just go ahead and do the things you love and talk about the topics you're passionate about.

You've always been a bit of an outsider, and you're learning to embrace it! You're polite and don't want to interrupt the teacher when they ask a question, but you're also learning to prioritize your own interests. You're a very understanding person, and you often put the interests of others first. In the future, you'll be able to analyze specific problems more effectively, and you'll learn to focus on what makes you happy.

If you really want to express yourself, it's time to muster a little courage! You don't need to suddenly make big changes to your character, but if there are certain situations in which you really want to accomplish something, we still need to give ourselves more courage to complete it. Don't label yourself as cowardly and timid — you've got this! This may not be good for the development of your character, but you can train yourself to have a more determined heart.

ZQ?

Give the questioner a hug! I can feel the questioner's deep-seated fear and desire to be noticed and recognized. The questioner is not aware of it, but the core problem that bothers the questioner has already been realized. It's time for the questioner's conscious self to acknowledge this problem.

The questioner's statement, "In short, I don't deserve to take up the time of my teachers and classmates," reflects a low sense of self-worth and strong denial and disapproval of themselves. They suppress their own desires to gain opportunities to gain recognition and acceptance of others in order to "fulfill their desire to help" others. The questioner can read it out loud and savor the feelings in their heart at this moment, and then think about whether there are any past experiences that have brought them similar or the same feelings.

Since primitive times, people have lived in groups, which has ensured their safety and prevented them from being attacked by wild animals and losing their lives. There is no doubt that maintaining a harmonious and close relationship with the group is also a manifestation of a sense of security. It is a simple fact that if an individual is unable to maintain a harmonious and close relationship with the group, their sense of security will decrease, and it will be difficult for them to live a secure and contented life.

The interaction between the individual and the collective is a mirror. One can feel one's own existence from the other person's reaction. The questioner is currently unable to integrate into the collective. Without that kind of relationship, interaction, and response, they cannot find a sense of self.

The only way to change and solve this problem is for the questioner to do it themselves and complete it. They must accept and overcome the fear and sense of unworthiness in their heart. They should practice breathing and relaxation more often, so that the body can become familiar with this feeling. At the same time, it is also an exercise in self-control over the body. When they feel afraid or uncomfortable, they should adjust their breathing to relax their body, so that they can be free from the influence of those negative emotions and have the opportunity to participate in class and interact with their teachers and classmates. These methods can only produce results if the questioner uses them. If they don't overcome the influence of negative emotions, but instead let these emotional feelings control their thoughts and actions, they will only become more and more afraid to do it, creating a vicious cycle.

After reading your post, I can tell you have a real knack for expressing yourself in writing! You have a clear head on your shoulders, you know exactly what you want, and you choose your words really well.

I totally get it. You're hoping to join the ranks of the activists and feel a sense of presence in the group.

There are two main things that might be getting in the way. One is that you're feeling really panicky and it's hard to get your true thoughts out there. The other is that you're worried that others will think you're taking resources away from them.

Let's start with the first obstacle, OK? I don't know how you're feeling about speaking in front of a big crowd, but I'll share what I think most people feel. It's totally normal to feel a bit panicky when you're speaking, and it's pretty rare for people to feel totally calm and collected.

If your panic isn't so bad that it's unbearable, you can try temporarily ignoring it and focusing on practicing some skills, like public speaking. These skills take time and practice to become proficient, but once you do, the panic will subside, and you might even enjoy your speech!

If you hate your own panic and can't stand the feeling, you may need to do some inner dialogue work before speech training. You can give your panic a nickname and treat it like a person, asking it questions like, "Why do you keep interrupting me?"

"Are you trying to kindly remind me of something important?"

You can also tell him, "I don't know what to do with you. I guess I'll have to embrace you, even though I'm not sure I like you very much right now."

"Stay away or embrace?"

It's also a good idea to listen to how he responds to you. He might say something like, "I feel sad because I want to protect you and warn you of danger, but you don't want to listen to me."

The second obstacle is the fear of being accused of taking resources. I suspect that you may have experienced some resource competition and some traumatic experiences in the early days. You can seek help from a counselor, and it may take a few sessions. Due to the length limit, I will not go into detail here.

I really hope this helps! Wishing you all the best!

Good morning, I am the original poster.

I can empathize with the challenge of finding one's place within a group.

It is important to develop effective communication skills, but it is not necessary to rush to integrate into a group. Personal growth is a gradual process.

First and foremost, it is essential to expand your knowledge base by studying and reading more. This does not entail merely perusing textbooks and disregarding other sources. Instead, it entails a comprehensive approach to reading, encompassing a diverse range of books, trying your hand at different subjects (with the caveat of avoiding those that are not aligned with your interests), keeping abreast of current events, and developing a well-rounded understanding. However, it is crucial to go beyond mere mechanical reading and engage with the material on a deeper level, reflecting on the content and drawing your own conclusions.

This is the process by which one develops their own opinions and views.

The second thing is to learn to communicate effectively, even if it is uncomfortable. Communication will reveal a lot of things about interpersonal relationships that you didn't know before, and it is still very useful in practice.

Therefore, I will endeavor to learn to communicate effectively tomorrow, although I am uncertain as to where I should begin. Otherwise, I would not have sought guidance on this matter on Zhihu. It is beneficial to practice communicating with roommates, but I am unsure about classmates.

The most challenging realization I've had over the years is the importance of maintaining my personal identity and avoiding the temptation to conform to others' expectations.

I compromised my principles and engaged in behaviors that were not in my best interest in order to fit in with the group. This ultimately led to a less than optimal outcome. As a result, I no longer prioritize fitting in with the group. A person who can also thrive independently is not inclined to expend energy on that pursuit.

It took me a considerable amount of time to come to this realisation. At the time I had read similar quotes and such, but I did not fully accept their meaning.

These experiences have also shaped my perspective on the world. I believe it is not possible to fully dismiss any experience.

I have come to accept that it is unproductive to dwell on past mistakes. It is more beneficial to focus on avoiding future missteps.

I believe that individuals should set their own goals and pursue their own dreams, provided that they are aligned with their personal values and aspirations. For other aspects of life, it is advisable to act in accordance with one's own volition.

Hello question asker!

Your description shows you're confused and anxious. I admire you for facing your problems. This is a good start. When you notice these feelings, you're on your way to change.

What happened?

From your description, I can see that you're not sure if it's a feeling or a fact. It's important to distinguish between the two because thoughts often cause feelings. Is that right?

But we don't have the strength to clarify it, is that right?

What gives you strength? Why did you come here?

Most people feel this way. I have too. It's okay.

I want you to notice this feeling too. When did it start? Was it before or after you started graduate school?

What happened when you first felt this way? What was your family like?

How are you with your parents? Are you happy with yourself?

I hope you can think about these questions. It's normal to have emotions, but we can only find a solution if we find the cause.

Imagine if this feeling disappeared. What would you be like? Would you be different?

What have you done to make miracles happen?

I don't know your situation, but I'll give you some tips to help you feel better.

First, relax.

You may have inferiority, anxiety, and sensitivity issues. I'm not sure if I'm right, but please forgive me if I'm wrong.

A good attitude is the most important thing for feeling happy. We have to learn to adjust our attitude. For example, you can use your own mental suggestions to adjust yourself, comfort yourself, and tell yourself that these things are not real.

Second, compare yourself to yourself.

Everyone is not perfect, and everyone is unique. Don't just see the good in others and compare yourself to them. Think about your own strengths and work on yourself. How have you improved today compared to yesterday?

These things can help us build self-confidence.

Then, accept and believe in yourself.

Our relationships with others are a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. Low self-esteem, anxiety, and sensitivity stem from a lack of self-acceptance. When we don't accept ourselves, we project that onto others. As the saying goes, if we don't love ourselves, who will?

Believe in yourself more to have the courage and strength to change.

Get help from others.

It's normal to have emotions, but too many negative ones can affect our body and mind. You can get help from others to deal with them.

You can seek help from a counselor. They will help you understand your subconscious and create a safe environment for you to thrive in.

Don't be afraid. Believe in yourself and you'll achieve your goals. I've won once. I've had a similar experience to yours. I was also afraid to speak up. Now I can express myself and feel at ease in a crowd.

I was afraid to speak up. Now, through studying psychology, I can express myself verbally.

Keep going! You'll win!

From the title and additional description, it is evident that there are two opposing forces within you, constantly engaged in a battle. One urges you to stand up and command attention, while the other discourages you from seeking the spotlight, claiming that you are undeserving of others' attention and that you are a coward. Which of these voices represents your true self, and which should you heed?

Let's examine this together.

♣ Accept yourself.

From the description of the title, it is evident that you have a strong sense of self-disparagement regarding your current self. You perceive yourself to have no sense of existence in the class, and that you are a nobody, worthless, and unworthy of the attention of your teachers and classmates. You feel that only those active students are worthy and deserve the attention of their teachers and classmates.

It is important to note that a misunderstanding may be the root cause of the issue. You are part of the class, just like the other activists in the class. Each individual has their own value and is deserving of the attention of the teacher and classmates. You are equal in terms of personality.

It is important to learn to accept yourself, including your strengths and weaknesses, as well as your active or quiet personality traits. Once you have accepted yourself, you can then learn to love yourself.

♣ Remove the limiting label and take control of your situation.

You perceive yourself to be invisible and timid, which is a self-imposed label. When you desire to make a change, you perpetuate this label to define yourself and assess how others perceive you.

Life is full of opportunities, so be courageous and discard the self-limiting beliefs you have accumulated. You have the power to redefine your persona and make changes when you see fit.

You are the master of your own life. It is not necessary to be overly concerned with the opinions of others. You are the most qualified individual to define your own life.

♣ Believe in yourself. You deserve to be treated fairly and respectfully.

In the description, you are reluctant to interrupt the teacher in class, concerned that your questions may consume the time of both the teacher and your classmates. You also feel that you are not worthy of taking up everyone's time. However, the time in the classroom is public, and as a member of the class, you have the right to utilize classroom time to ask questions.

If you have a question, please feel free to ask. It is your right to do so.

The reason you have such thoughts is because you believe you should not be treated equally, as you feel others do not have the right to restrict you. It is therefore important to believe that you can and should be treated better. When you respect and love yourself from the inside out and treat yourself equally, you will find that other people's attitudes will also change.

Furthermore, there is concern that increased activity may result in a lack of integration within the activist community. This is a misguided assumption. The objective is not to conform to a specific group or disrupt the existing dynamic. It is to enhance one's personal growth and become a more valuable contributor.

As you become a better version of yourself, you will attract like-minded individuals. Furthermore, it is beneficial to expand your network.

It is not uncommon for individuals to perceive their circumstances as restrictive or confining. However, these perceptions are often a result of their own thoughts and beliefs.