From dealing with waking up in the middle of the night with my daughter, I discovered another side of myself: ultra-rational?

Thank you for the invitation.

The author's words provide a clear visual representation of the subject matter. The narrative is logical and well-structured, with a clear delineation of events, feelings, thoughts, and associations.

From my perspective, the questioner is a perceptive and mature individual.

In light of the scenario described by the questioner and the early experiences that come to mind, this response can indeed be considered "super-rational." However, I believe that the questioner's self-blame for this response is a greater concern.

This self-blame is accompanied by an internalized expectation to be a "perfect mother" and to treat one's child "correctly" at all times. There is a subconscious criticism of one's own natural reactions.

Indeed, the questioner is already aware that she is responding to her child's emotions with reason, which is an excellent foundation for a mother.

Perhaps we should consider allowing ourselves more flexibility in this area. It is unlikely that patterns will change overnight.

It is important to allow yourself to react reflexively and promptly address and resolve issues in the relationship. By doing so, you can prevent the transmission of this pattern to the next generation.

It is also important to understand the child's own innate survival skills and respect their destiny as an independent individual. While there will inevitably be difficulties that parents bring to the table, it is not the role of parents to avoid these challenges. Instead, parents should provide their children with a solid foundation and support them when needed.

I hope this information is helpful. Best regards,

As novice parents, we will have similar experiences to the original poster. Frequently, children's expressions are not as complex as adults perceive them to be. They are simply expressing their most pressing desire at that moment, while we view the other person's actions as unreasonable.

1. Empathy is a crucial skill.

As parents, we have experienced a great deal and have more concerns. However, our growth is based on many setbacks, while children's world is still relatively simple. Their judgment of many things has not yet formed. Similarly, the other party may not hate their father, but may be clinging to their mother because that is what they perceive to be the best option at that time.

It is important to remember that children are not yet able to comprehend the nuances of language and social interactions that adults take for granted. They are still developing their understanding of the world around them and may not yet grasp the complexities of adult communication. It is essential to recognize that children are not yet equipped to understand the nuances of language and social interactions that adults take for granted. They are still developing their understanding of the world around them and may not yet grasp the complexities of adult communication.

From my own perspective, I occasionally find myself fatigued after a lengthy workday, yet my child still seeks my physical affection. I experience discomfort when I decline, yet my body is unable to accommodate such a request. Consequently, I am contemplating strategies to address this scenario in the future. As an illustration, when you are fatigued from engaging with your child, you can instruct your child that in the future, when you and your spouse return home from work and are similarly exhausted, you will require rest. When both of you possess sufficient energy, you can engage in playful activities together. If one of you is indisposed, you can afford the other a degree of autonomy. Gradually, you can instill in your child the capacity to discern between appropriate and inappropriate behavior.

2. It is not uncommon for children to serve as teachers for their parents.

As a first-time parent, even with extensive preparation, there will undoubtedly be areas for improvement. When facing challenges, it's crucial to address the core issues promptly and avoid getting sidetracked by trivial matters. If it's a personal issue, it's essential to acknowledge it openly. Avoid portraying yourself as a flawless parent and refrain from expressing your frustration on your child.

It is important to remember that we are all in a similar position. She is just starting her journey as a child, and we are just beginning our parenting journey. We are all at the same starting line, and it is inevitable that there will be various problems and conflicts. At this time, what we need to do is not suppress the other party, but to learn to grow together, find a balance between each other, and learn to think and analyze when encountering problems and shortcomings. This will help us identify the real shortcomings and avoid falling into the same place many times.

It is also important to avoid setting unrealistic standards for ourselves and placing excessive pressure on one another. External comparisons can serve as valuable references, but they should not be viewed as absolute goals. We can adapt our approach based on our unique circumstances, identify goals and strategies that align with our needs, and work towards growth and improvement together with our children.

My name is Mo Xiaofan, and I am a heart exploration coach. If you have any concerns or require assistance, you may utilize the heart exploration service on your personal page.

Your experience shows how parents' attitudes and approaches affect children when they're dealing with emotions and problems. In your case, when your daughter woke up in the middle of the night, your reaction may have made her feel disapproved of and distant.

Children can sense their parents' emotions and attitudes, even if they don't show them.

When children have problems, parents should be understanding and supportive. This helps children feel confident and encourages them to explore and try new things.

Parents should balance emotion and reason when communicating with their children. This lets children know that they will always have their parents' love and support.

From your experience, we can see that an over-rational approach from parents can make children feel helpless and frustrated. This is a lesson worth pondering, reminding us of how we should support and guide our children.

As parents, we all make mistakes. It's important to learn from them and try to be better. You've realized how your actions affect your child. That's a good start.

Next, try to show your daughter more love and support. This can help her cope with similar problems.

Hello, question asker! It's like seeing you in person when I read your words.

After reading your description carefully, I feel that you have an excellent sense of awareness. It is actually not easy to discover another side of yourself from the event of [yourself and your daughter waking up in the middle of the night and responding differently], but you have not only done so, but also have your own thoughts on this matter. You are truly a mother who places a lot of emphasis on [self-growth], which is so inspiring!

Let's dive right in and talk about this fascinating phenomenon you mentioned!

You said, "My daughter is three and a half weeks old, and she sleeps in the middle of the bed. She wakes up in the middle of the night confused," and then "My husband coaxes her, and she cries out, 'Not Daddy,'" and then you said to her, "Sleeping in the middle means you'll bump into Daddy." - After reading this, I'm excited to know:

1. I'm really interested to know what tone you used when you said this to your daughter!

2. What amazing need is hidden behind her cries?

3. What needs are hidden behind your "dissatisfaction" with your daughter?

4. Did you express your sense of self-blame to your daughter right away?

I'm so excited to tell you that your way of thinking about this matter is quite common! Your daughter sleeps between you two, and it is quite inconvenient for the two of you to want to turn over or even hope for some interaction in the relationship. Your daughter's crying happens to coincide with your irritability, so it makes both you and your daughter a bit uncomfortable.

(Your calm before your own irritation flared up was actually a fantastic conflict-mitigating agent.)

You also mentioned that your daughter is now 3.5 years old, and I feel that she can already understand the sense of boundaries conveyed to her in her mother's words, which is great! The sentence hidden behind the annoyance may be: "Honey, actually, mommy and daddy want to have our own relationship space." —If you rephrase it in a way that a 3.5-year-old daughter can understand, it can be: "Honey, mommy wants to discuss something with you, is that okay?"

(With this as a foundation, express your expectations to your daughter.)

Absolutely! Everyone's expectations in a relationship deserve to be heard, as long as the way they are expressed is appropriately adjusted.

You also mentioned that when you were a child, you seemed to have had quite a lot of experiences of being treated in a super rational way by your parents. This is a great observation! As long-term companions during our growth process, the possibility of this kind of intergenerational influence does exist, but it is not absolute. This is because more partners can minimize the influence of intergenerational inheritance through healthy and positive interpersonal relationships during growth, and will become more and more like the self they expect in the future.

So, don't worry about how your parents treated you in the past. It's your daughter's future and her dreams that matter most! Think about what kind of person you want her to become and the character traits you'd love to see in her.

Okay, time is running out, so we'll stop here for now. I really hope the above responses and sharing have broadened your perspective on this matter!

Take good care of yourself and your little family!

Dear friend, I understand how you feel. As a mother, when your child wakes up in the middle of the night, your instinctive reaction is to care for and protect them. At the same time, you are also reflecting on your actions, which is an important part of self-growth.

Your self-reflection and willingness to take responsibility show that you are a responsible and caring person. It is very common and normal for every parent to encounter challenges and confusion on the road of parenting.

Your feelings, whether they are dissatisfaction with your daughter or reflections on past experiences, are all part of your emotions and perceptions. They constitute your true experience as a mother.

As parents, we will all face challenges, including our children's emotional swings, their habit development, and the choice of educational methods. These problems test our patience and wisdom, but they also shape our unique relationship with our children and teach us tolerance and understanding.

You are not a perfect parent. You are learning and adapting constantly. Your feelings and experiences, including your memories of your own childhood, are a valuable resource for becoming a better parent.

Your daughter is now 3.5 weeks old and is in need of a lot of attention and care. It is only natural that her behavior may affect your sleep and mood.

You are also trying to balance your own needs with those of your daughter, which is very challenging. Parents are ordinary people with their own emotions and needs.

In the process of parenting, you don't have to demand that you always remain rational and calm. It is only natural to have emotional outbursts, and you must face and deal with these emotions.

When we apologize to our children in a timely manner after losing our temper, we show respect for our children and tolerance for ourselves.

Your reaction likely stemmed from your own childhood experiences. The social learning theory of psychologist Albert Bandura asserts that children learn by observing and imitating the behavior of their parents or other adults.

If you grew up experiencing hyper-rational coping styles, this may influence how you interact with your daughter. However, you can change these patterns. As a parent, you have the ability to provide a warmer and more supportive environment for your daughter.

You mentioned an ultra-rational coping mechanism from your childhood that may have influenced the way you treat your daughter. You've already recognized this, which is the first step towards change.

Your sense of self-blame shows that you are capable of self-reflection, which is an important step towards growth and improvement. Turn this self-blame into positive action by learning some new parenting skills to help you better understand and manage your emotions.

Communication with children is an essential part of parenting. By listening to children, we can gain a deeper understanding of their needs and feelings.

We teach children how to express their needs and, at the same time, we teach them to understand and respect others.

You should try new parenting strategies, such as establishing a regular bedtime routine or using some soothing techniques to help your daughter sleep better. In addition, you must have more emotional exchanges with your daughter, let her know how you feel, and also listen to how she feels.

This two-way communication builds trust and understanding, and reduces misunderstandings and conflicts.

Furthermore, parenting is a shared responsibility between both parents. It is therefore essential for couples to communicate and collaborate effectively.

Couples must discuss and find the best balance for their family when it comes to the allocation of time and energy for childcare. This will reduce the mother's stress and allow the father to better participate in the parenting process, creating a harmonious family environment together.

You must also take care of yourself. Get enough sleep and rest so you have the energy to meet the challenges of parenting.

You must understand that parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. It requires patience and perseverance, as well as wisdom and courage.

We don't have to strive to be perfect parents. We are perfect parents. We are constantly learning and growing. Through continuous efforts and experimentation, we will discover that the process of growing up together with our children is an invaluable blessing.

You will make a profound and positive impact on your daughter with every small step you take on this journey full of love and challenges. Your efforts and changes will have an important effect on your relationship with her.

Read this parenting book: How to Make Children Listen and How to Make Children Speak.

Hello! I'm a Heart Detective coach, Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey, and I'm here to help!

After reading the original poster's description, I can totally relate to how she feels! And as a former child, I can also understand how the original poster's child feels.

It doesn't matter if it's subjective or objective, or if we have a hand in our children's growth—it's undeniable that kids love their moms! It's totally normal for moms to feel a little overwhelmed and anxious sometimes, especially when they're doing their best to be the best moms they can be. I've also grown up while feeling anxious, and I still don't think I'm a perfect mom—but I'm learning and growing every day!

Children are doing this for the first time, and so are their parents! We all need to go through the process of growing up. While allowing children to make mistakes, we should also allow ourselves to make mistakes. This is a great way to solve problems!

Nobody is perfect, and expecting oneself to be a perfect mother is a very demanding requirement. But we can do it! People are not machines, and there will always be times when we are unable to cope, when our emotions are low and we are exhausted. But we can allow ourselves to let our hair down, and it's the right solution for both the child and ourselves!

Being ultra-rational is totally doable! We all get emotional from time to time, and that's okay. Try apologizing to your child right away after an outburst and agree on a solution for similar problems next time. You'll feel more grounded than if you're trying to be a supermom!

The reason why a child gets into an emotional predicament is not because of what the parents did at the time. It's so important to remember that! It's all about how the parents deal with it afterwards and long-term neglect. So, the questioner might as well ask the child after the emotion what she feels and what she wants her parents to do next time.

Parents are also ordinary people with ordinary desires and needs. The questioner can try to allow themselves to have these emotions, which may reduce the questioner's self-blame. It's a great idea!

The questioner can try to put themselves in the other person's shoes more often and communicate more with their children, listening to each other. It's a great idea! Our children also have a lot of habits that I can't understand now, such as sleeping with the lights on, sleeping with a story, getting up in the middle of the night looking for the light and for a story, etc. We are still getting used to it, but we're having fun trying!

It's so rewarding to try to understand your child's routine and teach them to express their needs correctly. It makes us gentler and more patient in the process of communication. And hyperrationality itself also has its positive significance, helping children to weaken emotional communication.

Parenting is a team effort! Parents work around the clock all year round, and it's so important to communicate with your partner about how you're spending your time and energy. Taking a moment to adjust and rest can make a world of difference, and it'll make you feel better!

I'd highly, highly recommend reading "The Power of Empathy," "Positive Discipline," and "Co-Parenting."

Wishing you the very best!

I empathize with your confusion and self-blame. As parents, we all strive to provide our children with the best possible care and guidance, yet our reactions may not always align with this ideal.

From the situation you described, it appears that you may have responded in a somewhat detached and logical manner when your daughter woke up in the middle of the night, which may have led her to feel unappreciated and uncared for.

First and foremost, it is imperative not to be excessively self-critical. The process of learning and growth inherent to parenting is a continuous one, and it is crucial to recognize that we are all in this together.

It is important to note that your reaction may not have been optimal, but this does not necessarily indicate that you are an ineffective parent. Instead, it provides an opportunity for reflection and the potential to learn how to handle similar situations more effectively.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to attempt to comprehend the emotional state of your daughter. It is possible that she is merely seeking additional attention and reassurance, rather than being placed in a compromising position.

One possible approach would be to communicate with her in a gentler and more empathetic manner. This could be achieved, for instance, by conveying to her that you are aware that she may feel uneasy or frightened, and that you will always be available to provide support.

Additionally, it is crucial to consider one's own emotional responses. The subject's mention of being treated in an excessively rational manner by their parents during their childhood may have influenced their current approach to parenting, potentially leading to a similar style of problem-solving when interacting with their daughter.

An understanding of one's own emotional reactions and experiences can facilitate more effective management of the parent-child relationship, preventing the repetition of past mistakes.

It is also important to remember to be tolerant and understanding of yourself and your daughter. It is a process that requires continuous learning and growth, as well as time and effort to establish and maintain.

By striving to comprehend one another and demonstrate affection and consideration, it is possible to cultivate a more intimate and salubrious bond with one's daughter.

It is our hope that these suggestions have been beneficial. Should further assistance or counsel be required, we advise consulting a qualified child psychologist or family therapist.

Such professionals are able to offer more detailed guidance and assistance to parents in order to facilitate their personal growth and development.