Girls, why are you always worried about your friendship even though you have a good relationship?

Hello. I can see that you're confused. You say that you are a girl like any other, but you are always worried about your friendships.

You have a good relationship with the female friends around you, but you still worry about gaining favor. For example, when you read comments online, you can't help but put yourself in the situation and think, "Why can't I get any favor?" You think about yourself, and you know that your friends are actually very good to you, encouraging and comforting you. It seems that you still feel a lack of favor, and you want to gain favor.

It's only natural to want to be favored if you care about someone. However, just because we want to be favored doesn't mean that our friends will give it to us. Your worries and concerns may add to the burden of your original friendship. If you love too much, the burden will be heavy. If you want to be favored, you may actually cause psychological pressure on the other person. We are friends, and we are willing to help each other out.

Given your tendency to be influenced by external factors and your inclination to daydream, it might be helpful to try not to dwell on these issues too much. It's also important to remember that, even though we're close friends, we're also individuals with our own lives. It's good to stay in touch when you miss each other and to appreciate your friends.

That's all I can think of for now. At Yixinli, the world and I send you our love and best wishes.

Hello, question asker! From your description, it's clear you have an amazing friend who encourages, cares about, and comforts you.

It's so great that you feel happy and secure in your friendship! Unfortunately, some comments online have made you doubt this happiness and sense of security, which has made you cautious and worried in this relationship. This may be because you are not confident enough in yourself and feel that you are not worthy of such a beautiful friendship, which leads to a lack of security in this relationship.

So, how do we establish and improve our sense of security in relationships? I personally think we can start with the following:

1️⃣ Embrace your inner insecurity! First, you must acknowledge your feelings and admit that you crave connection and support from others. By acknowledging this, you can uncover the root of your insecurity and find ways to overcome it and embrace your true self.

2️⃣ Know yourself correctly and don't become a slave to fear. The essence of a lack of security is an inability to know yourself correctly, which is a manifestation of a lack of self-confidence. But you can overcome this!

So, let's get started! We can all improve our self-awareness and self-knowledge in our daily lives, gain a sense of self-satisfaction, and thus enhance our sense of security.

3️⃣ Learn to rely on others without becoming dependent. Many people think that people who feel truly secure are those who say, "I'm completely on my own, I'm very independent." But that's not the case!

A truly secure person is someone who is willing to trust the other person in the relationship, to rely on them, and to believe that they are worth relying on. And this is a wonderful thing! It means that you can have a relationship based on trust and mutual respect. But this reliance is not dependency, because you remain independent individuals, not someone's lackey, needing to live off the other person.

4️⃣ Learn to deal with emotions. Insecurity is actually a kind of "amplifying psychology," just as the questioner will associate himself with some online comments when he sees them, amplifying negative information. But there's a way to turn this around!

When we encounter this situation, we have the power to make positive attributions and measure the process rather than the result. At the same time, we can also write down the negative thoughts that arise in our hearts on a piece of paper to see what triggers them. This kind of sorting can help us reduce negative thoughts in our minds—and it's a great way to take back control!

I highly recommend that the questioner read the book Raising Your Inner Child. It's a fantastic read!

Good morning,

Perhaps a pat on the shoulder or an encouraging hug would be helpful.

"It seems like you two are very close, but I'm wondering if I could ask why you're always worried about your friendship?"

After reading your description, I feel that it might be beneficial to consider the possibility of not clicking in the future. Before reading it, you may feel somewhat stuck, and after reading it, you may feel even more stuck. However, the answer to the problem remains unanswered, or a solution to the problem is not found, which could potentially make it easier to fall into rumination.

I enjoy watching sports that are different from those of other people (groups of girls). My best friend may not be interested in them either, but she is encouraging and supportive. While I feel happy, I am also a little concerned because we have different interests and may drift apart.

Even if the other person has expressed considerable support and approval, I may still have concerns about the stability of the relationship.

Perhaps it could be said that this is a lack of confidence in one's sense of self-worth.

For instance, two very good friends who interacted frequently and cared for each other in their daily lives would sometimes experience feelings of rejection or unease when apart or in disagreement.

In other words, my emotions are not as stable as I would like them to be. They tend to fluctuate between uncertain messages, which can result in negative feelings and emotions.

There are two possible outcomes: either I receive uncomplaining attention and care, or I become isolated and rejected. However, I still find it challenging to break out of my old thinking patterns, which tend to deplete my inner resources.

I believe the solution to the problem lies in how I perceive my own value in interpersonal relationships, as well as my expectations and feelings about interpersonal relationships. Through the first two determinations, it would be helpful to identify the needs I want to satisfy in the relationship. (The questioner can quietly think about it.)

Once you have answers to these questions, you will be able to maintain consistency between your feelings and actions. When you receive support, you can express gratitude, and when the other person needs support and encouragement, you can provide it. When you don't get the response you expect, you can thoughtfully adjust your expectations, re-evaluate the relationship, and respond in a reasonable manner. You will always feel safe and secure in your own hands, and it will be challenging to fall into rumination.

I hope these answers are helpful for you.

I wish you the best!

What an intriguing topic! From the description of the problem, it's evident that the topic has a very rational understanding of themselves, a keen awareness of themselves, and at the same time, a moderate amount of melancholy. This is an excellent state of mind!

From the interaction with your friend described by the questioner, it's clear that your friend's encouragement, listening, and advice have given you the most beautiful experience of friendship. You cherish this friendship very much, and you are even a little worried that you will lose this beauty. Seeing online that "the reason you don't get your friend's favor is not because you don't give enough, but because you don't have a connection with her, almost by luck" has inspired this worry in you and your desire to control not to lose this beauty.

At the same time, you are also aware that this desire to worry and control may damage your friendship with your friend. But don't worry! You can still have a great friendship with your friend while also making sure you're on the same page.

Am I understanding you right? You want to make sure your friendship with your friend is rock solid and secure, right? Well, you can do that by determining what to do and what to say to get along with your friend!

Rationally, you think that words like fate and luck are too vague and that you have no control over them. (Are you a little unsure of yourself when it comes to your commitment to your friends?) But here's the good news! You can do some definite things to reassure yourself of your worries, such as caring about your friend's preferences, listening carefully when your friend confides in you, giving encouragement when appropriate, and caring about your friend's needs. Of course, you probably already do this. After all, your friendship is so harmonious, which means that the other person has also gotten what they wanted out of your friendship. It's really a blessing to have such a friendship!

)

I have some great advice for you! You can do some definite things to reassure yourself of your worries. For example, you can care about your friend's preferences, listen carefully when your friend confides in you, give encouragement when appropriate, and care about your friend's needs.

Of course, you probably already do this. After all, your friendship is so harmonious! It means that the other person has also gotten what they wanted out of your friendship, which is really a blessing!

It's a true blessing to have such a friendship!

Regarding, I once read that "the more you try to get along with your friends, the worse it gets because you care too much." It was a bit of a worry, but it also made me think. So, I've decided to avoid clicking on things in the future that I know will make me feel uneasy.

If these are things that have always made you uncomfortable, it's time to face them head on! Avoidance only makes problems deeper, so let's dive in and work through them together. You can talk to a professional to help you.

Blessings, gratitude, and the incredible privilege of walking together!

My dear child, I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

It seems that your friend has always been able to support and nurture you during your time together, which is a very positive and healthy relationship. However, you are still very worried that she may not always be like this to you, which is understandable. This kind of uncertainty does not lie in the outside world, but within us. A sense of security within is the source of a sense of security in all external relationships. Therefore, in order to solve this problem of being apprehensive about gaining and losing, it would be helpful to establish a sense of security within, so that you will not be so worried and entangled in relationships.

If I might offer you a suggestion, it would be this:

1. It may be helpful to consider returning to your original relationships to gain insight into your own self-perception and the influence of your original attachment relationships on your current sense of self. This approach can help you understand why you may feel insecure in relationships and prone to worry.

It might be helpful to consider that all our relationships develop from the original attachment relationship, and that our feelings in relationships are also influenced by the attachment patterns of our childhood. Could I ask you to be aware of this? When you were with your parents, did you also have this feeling of loss and gain? Did you ever worry that their love for you would not be stable, and that you could hardly control it? As we grow up, we all have some kind of deficiency. Many people are a bit insecure in relationships, because many parents find it difficult to give their children unconditional acceptance and complete approval.

It is understandable that we may feel uneasy in relationships when we perceive that the other person is no longer accepting or supporting us in the same way. This may be due to past experiences where we have not been treated in this manner. It is natural for us to understand the world and those around us in a way that is familiar to us. While this insecurity in relationships may not make us feel comfortable, it is a pattern that we are familiar with, and therefore, we may find ourselves repeating it.

It is important to note that recognizing the impact of past experiences on our present self does not imply that we should blame our family of origin or dwell on past regrets. These are aspects of our lives that are beyond our control. Instead, we can take steps towards healing by gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves through the lens of past experiences and embracing our true selves. This process of seeing, understanding, and accepting can be a crucial first step towards healing.

2. It is thought that anxiety may come from within. If you are at peace within, even if you watch some videos and articles, you may find that you are not too entangled. To gain a sense of security within, we may wish to consider learning to care for ourselves and supplementing the psychological nutrition that is lacking within.

Now you may begin to understand that your inner unease actually comes from within. This inner unease is caused by a lack in our growth process. To gain inner security, we may wish to consider filling in the gaps. For example, if you care a great deal about the approval of your parents or others, you may find it helpful to learn to approve of yourself; if you long for acceptance from others, you may benefit from learning to accept yourself; if you hope that others can support you, you may find it helpful to learn to support yourself... You may find it helpful to know that in fact, you have everything within you, and you have everything that you hope others can give you. You are inherently complete.

It would be beneficial for us to learn to "care for ourselves." Self-care can be thought of as having three dimensions: treating yourself well, common humanity, and mindfulness in the present moment. This is because when we encounter a threat, our bodies and minds react in ways that can be helpful or harmful. If the threat comes from within ourselves, we may experience stress in ways that are not helpful, such as criticizing ourselves, isolating ourselves (away from people), and rumination (daydreaming). The three dimensions of self-care are just the opposite, which can help us to feel friendly, safe, and peaceful.

For further insight on the topic of self-care, we kindly suggest referring to the books "The Power of Self-Care" and "Mindfulness: Self-Care."

When you feel secure within, you are very sure of yourself. You will not doubt your own value because of other people's every move. You will not measure your own good or bad through other people's evaluation. This means you will not easily depend on other people's reaction to evaluate yourself in a relationship. This allows you to truly have the freedom and ease in a relationship. Of course, you will gladly accept other people's recognition and praise. You will also more readily accept other people's negation and doubt. However, you will not completely agree with their evaluation of you. This is because you have a clear understanding of yourself. You know what kind of person you are. You know what your strengths and weaknesses are. You know what you are good at and what you are not. You know what you like and what you are willing to let go of. You know what you aspire to and what you are willing to reject. In any situation, you accept this real, imperfect self of yours. This is the sense of security that comes from within. It is a holding on to yourself. It is an inward quest. It is an inner strength. This strength can only be gained through self-care.

Please feel free to refer to this information as needed. Wishing you the best!

It is evident that you place a high value on your relationship-10210.html" target="_blank">friendship with your best friend. Your friend provides you with a great deal of listening, encouragement, and support. You feel happy and fortunate, yet simultaneously, you experience a sense of unease and apprehension that the friendship is merely a matter of luck and may be lost due to your own actions.

Both friendships and intimate relationships are characterized by depth and complexity. In both, individuals invest a significant portion of themselves, including aspects such as self-identity, self-esteem, and their idealized perceptions of the world. Consequently, the potential for loss in these relationships can elicit a profound sense of anxiety, leading to a tendency to devote excessive attention to them. This phenomenon may contribute to the emotional distress that you are currently experiencing.

Although the fear of losing friendships is a universal phenomenon, the degree of concern varies considerably from one individual to another. Factors such as personal experience, self-awareness, and sense of security influence the extent to which one is reluctant to lose a friendship. From your description, it appears that you are more concerned about what others think and whether you will disturb or offend them.

This suggests that you lack a sense of security in your relationships and that your inner self is still unstable, meaning that your self-evaluation fluctuates according to the opinions of others.

When an individual lacks a sense of security and their self-identity is unstable, they tend to seek external confirmation constantly. They receive affirmation from others, which makes them feel good about themselves. However, when others question them or give them negative feedback, they doubt themselves. They may ask themselves, "Am I good enough? Am I good? Am I worthy of a good relationship?"

To mitigate the distress associated with the acquisition and loss of relationships, it is insufficient to merely restrict access to online information (although this can be beneficial, as the vast quantity of data on the internet can impede independent thinking and judgment). It is also essential to engage in introspection to comprehend the origins of one's emotions. To achieve emotional equilibrium, it is necessary to acknowledge and accept feelings of unease. This includes recognizing the need for friendship, the desire to maintain it, and the fear of losing valuable relationships, which are understandable emotions.

One must then acknowledge that one is deserving of a positive relationship and that one has already demonstrated the capacity to establish a beneficial connection. It is important to recognize that the ideal of perfection is not a prerequisite for friendship and that the very nature of relationships is one of learning and growth. This implies that one must learn to give and receive in a manner that is mutually beneficial.

It is recommended that you accept your friend's goodwill and express your appreciation.

Hello, my dear friend. I can totally understand how you're feeling about your friendship right now.

Friendship is one of the most precious gifts in life, and we all hope that it will last and be strong. But sometimes, we may feel uneasy or worried because of external influences or our own doubts.

You said you have a great friendship with your friend. She's always there for you, listening to your stories about the football team, supporting you when you're feeling down, and giving you lots of great advice. These are all wonderful signs of a strong and genuine friendship.

I know it can be hard to measure the value of a friendship, especially when you read online that eye contact and luck are the most important things.

In psychology, we often say that "self-awareness" is crucial to a person's emotional stability. When we can clearly and accurately understand ourselves and know our own value, we'll be less likely to be influenced by the words of others.

I think it would be really helpful for you to try to get to know yourself better, find your own strengths, and enhance your self-confidence.

You know, you can also try to have a deeper exchange with your friends. It would be great if you could share your feelings, doubts, and anxieties with them, and listen to their views and suggestions.

This will help you understand each other better and strengthen your belief that your friendship is genuine and strong.

I'd also love to give you some specific suggestions that I hope will help you feel more at ease.

I know you can do it! Set small goals for yourself every day, like "Today I will believe that our friendship is strong and act accordingly." These small goals can help you gradually build up positive beliefs.

2. Capture the good times: Whenever you have some good times together, you might as well jot them down in words or photos. These records can become a source of strength for you when you feel uneasy.

3. Develop common interests: Apart from sports events, you can also try to develop some other common interests, such as reading, watching movies, or traveling together. This will increase the common topics between you and deepen your understanding of each other, which is always a good thing!

4. Learn to let go: We all get caught up in things sometimes, and it can get us into trouble. So, when you feel uneasy, try letting go and trust that your friendship is resilient enough to handle anything.

5. If you're having a tough time with your emotions, it might be helpful to chat with a professional counselor or psychologist. They can offer more tailored advice and support.

And finally, I just want to say that every friendship is special and doesn't need to be measured against any external standards. As long as you give it your all, your friendship will grow and flourish like a beautiful flower, radiating joy and love.

So, please believe in yourself, believe in your friendship, and go forward bravely! You've got this!

Good day. From the context of your message, I understand that you are experiencing confusion regarding your concerns about the friendship. I want to reassure you that I am here to help.

Firstly, the importance you attach to friendship demonstrates your commitment to connecting with others, which is a fundamental human need. Your unease may originate from a deep-seated need to belong and be accepted.

This indicates that you are an individual with emotional depth who places value on relationships with others. However, it also suggests that your caring nature may make you susceptible to external influences, particularly in terms of your social status and how others perceive you.

You referenced the terms "eye contact" and "luck," which appear to be associated with your concerns about the stability of the friendship. These terms are open to interpretation and convey a sense of unpredictability, which is likely contributing to your unease.

In business, we often seek predictability and a sense of control, but in reality, the nature of business relationships is often complex and not entirely predictable. It is important to realize that although we cannot control the perceptions and reactions of others, we can enhance our own sense of inner security by cultivating self-knowledge and self-esteem.

When you feel uneasy, we suggest the following questions to consider:

What is the root cause of this unease? Is it due to concerns about the stability of the friendship?

Am I undervaluing my own worth in this situation?

Am I overly reliant on external validation to define my self-worth?

These questions can assist in gaining a deeper understanding of your emotions, potentially revealing the need for work on your self-worth and self-identity.

To mitigate this sense of unease, we can engage in discourse on these matters, with the aim of providing a constructive solution.

It is important to recognise that your value is not contingent on the approval of others. Each individual possesses unique interests and passions.

Your enthusiasm for sporting events is an integral part of your personality and should be celebrated and shared. There is no reason to feel any embarrassment about it.

When encountering headlines such as "Why You're Not Getting the Friend Love," it is advisable to ascertain whether the opinion is founded on factual evidence. Frequently, these headlines are crafted with the sole intention of attracting clicks, and may not accurately reflect the actual circumstances.

It would be prudent to consider the positive interactions you have had with friends. These are tangible examples that are more convincing than comments on the internet.

If you are aware that certain situations or individuals evoke negative emotions, it is advisable to avoid them. It is important to safeguard your emotional well-being, particularly when you anticipate that external factors may have a detrimental impact on your emotional state.

It is advisable to communicate your feelings openly with your colleagues. They may not be aware of your anxieties, but once they understand how you feel, they can provide you with more support and a sense of security.

It is important to enjoy the time spent with friends in the present, rather than worrying about the future. Friendship develops over time and requires patience.

It is advisable to invest time in personal growth and the development of interests and skills. This will enhance confidence and reduce dependence on external evaluation.

If you find yourself frequently experiencing these feelings of anxiety, you may wish to consult with a counselor. A counselor can provide professional guidance to help you better understand and manage these emotions.

Genuine friendships are founded on mutual understanding and trust, rather than mere chance or external factors. Your friends are there to listen to you and provide support, which is of great value.

It is important to maintain honest communication and avoid allowing external influences to disrupt your inner peace.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to click on links that may cause unease depends on the user's current mood and energy level. If the user feels up to it, occasionally checking out such links may help them better understand their feelings.

If they cause you discomfort, it is advisable to avoid them. Ultimately, the decision is yours, and you have the right to protect your emotional state.

It is not uncommon for individuals to encounter similar challenges in their relationships. It is important to allow yourself the necessary time and space to come to terms with and understand these feelings. It is also important to recognize that seeking assistance is a valid and acceptable course of action.

It is beneficial to engage in open communication with friends or utilize creative outlets such as writing, art, or other forms of self-expression to process and cope with challenging emotions.

I hope this information is helpful. Best regards, [Name]

I totally get where you're coming from. The mix of sadness and happiness you mentioned is something a lot of us have felt at one point or another. I'd love to share some thoughts and suggestions that I hope will help you work through this tricky emotion.

It's totally normal to feel anxious about gaining and losing. When we love someone or something, we worry about losing them. It's part of being human!

It's totally normal to feel this way, especially at your age. You're just starting to figure out who you are and what you believe in. It's natural to feel this way, and it's all part of growing up. So please don't be too hard on yourself.

I totally get where you're coming from with the online comments. Modern social media and online information are really convenient, but they can also be a bit of a minefield. There's so much out there, and not all of it is good for our mental health.

My advice in this case is to learn to filter information and avoid letting unnecessary comments affect your emotions. When you see a headline that may make you feel uneasy, you can first ask yourself, "Is this information really useful to me?" I know it can be tough, but you've got this!

"Or, is my current state suitable for receiving this kind of information?" If the answer is no, then it's probably best to avoid clicking.

Of course, this doesn't mean you should block out everything else. It's just about learning to distinguish between what's good for you and what might not be so good. And communication with friends is a really important part of this.

When you feel uneasy or confused, it's totally okay to share your feelings with a trusted friend. As you mentioned earlier, your friends can give you a lot of good advice, which is also the value of friendship.

I just wanted to say that I don't think eye contact and luck are what make a friendship. I think true friendship is based on mutual understanding, respect, and support.

The love and support you have for each other is the best proof of this. So don't worry too much about these uncontrollable factors, but instead focus on how to better maintain and deepen your friendship.

I just wanted to say that it's great you're sharing your joy today. If you feel that sharing with friends will make you happy, then go for it!

It's also a good idea to learn to accept feedback and suggestions from friends. This will help you adjust your mentality and behavior in a positive way. If you don't feel like sharing today, that's okay! You can always choose other ways to record your joy, such as keeping a diary or posting a private message visible only to friends.

I'd love to share a few tips on how to ease those feelings of gain and loss.

You are amazing just the way you are! Believe in yourself and your worth. Don't let anything or anyone make you feel otherwise. You are a wonderful, special person who deserves to be loved and cherished.

Stay positive! Try to focus on all the good things in life and face challenges and difficulties with a positive attitude. When you feel uneasy, try to distract yourself by doing something that makes you happy.

It's so important to take care of yourself! Make sure you understand your own needs and expectations, and clarify your position and role in the friendship. This will help you better manage your relationship with your friend and reduce unnecessary worries.

It's so important to keep the lines of communication open with your friends. When you're feeling confused or uneasy, it's a great idea to share your feelings with them and ask for their support.

And don't forget to listen to your friends' ideas and suggestions!

If you're struggling and feel like your emotions are getting in the way of your daily life, studies, work, etc., it might be helpful to reach out to a professional. There are lots of great resources out there, like psychological counseling, that can help you find the right solutions for you.

In a nutshell, having mixed feelings is something we all experience. The key is learning how to face and deal with these emotions in a healthy way so you can fully enjoy the good times with your friends and build stronger friendships.

I really hope these suggestions will be helpful for you. I wish you all the very best for a more fulfilling and happier life in the future!

Hello! I'm ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. I'm excited to answer your question! These days, many short video websites are exploring friendship, love, marriage, work, the workplace, and future planning. They're tapping into people's pain points to get more traffic, which is a great way to engage with their audience.

People's pain points are often various feelings of unease, such as unease about money, the future, and various relationships. These feelings of unease are usually very normal things, because friendship is not something that can be maintained for a lifetime. Many people can only accompany you for a period of time, which means you get to meet lots of new people and make new friends!

Absolutely! If there's a friendship that sticks with you for the long haul, you've got to treasure it. You mentioned you've got a friendship you're pretty happy with, which is awesome!

But deep down, you are still worried that you will lose him one day, so you are torn between happiness and worry. But don't worry! You will be just fine.

Even if your team has good news, you choose to keep it to yourself. You may want to share a lot of things, but due to various concerns, you are unable to spread this joy in time. But hey, you've got plenty of time! Life is short, so live it to the fullest!

We just need to enjoy the amazing feeling of being our true selves! If you worry too much, you'll miss out on all the incredible things that life has to offer. Worrying will slowly drain your emotions, so it's time to embrace your true self and live your best life!

Is it about tolerating, hiding, and compressing your own living space? Absolutely not! It's about embracing your freedom to be yourself, experiencing the beauty of friendship, and accepting it all. Many things are fleeting, but they're also opportunities for growth and learning.

Your past experiences and the present moment are truly eternal. And the best part is, you can live them well! You're still very young as a junior this year, which means you have so much time to explore a future direction for yourself and your views on friendship and love.

If you are easily influenced by online comments, then you should definitely listen to both sides and not just one point of view! If you saw a video that made you think and feel uneasy, saying that you are unlucky because you don't have eye contact with people, then you should definitely search for other videos!

For example, true friendship is not affected by luck. It's not affected by anything as intangible as luck! So you can counteract the influence of those eye-catching marketing videos.

You might be caring too much and feeling a little tense. It would be great for you to distance yourself from things that make you uneasy!

We absolutely have to get in touch with more of those beautiful things! They're the key to better managing our emotions. I also highly recommend reading "Once you can laugh at yourself out loud, you are free," "Courage to be Disliked," "I Am You: A Seven-Part Practice for Entering the Heart of Another," and "How to Achieve Effective Social Interaction." It's a great way to deepen your understanding of social interaction and fill in some gaps in this area with some orthodox psychological knowledge, rather than watching some marketing videos. Best of luck!

ZQ?

Even in the context of a positive relationship, there is an inherent sense of loss and gain. This is the recognition that, in theory, there is a possibility of things going awry. On the one hand, due to the emotional investment in the relationship, there is a natural inclination to fear the potential for its dissolution. On the other hand, there is an instinctive aversion to change and the unknown, as well as a lack of confidence in navigating the uncontrollable and unpredictable. The former is driven by one's emotional needs, while the latter is shaped by a lack of inner security and the capacity to be transparent and assume responsibility for potential negative outcomes.

Any casual association or substitution is more likely to be an attempt to find a similar description to allay one's own anxieties and worries. This phenomenon can be attributed to the "retinal effect," which refers to the tendency to perceive and interpret situations based on their outward appearance. In the context of friendships, this effect can manifest as a heightened awareness of negative comments about relationships, particularly when one is experiencing anxiety about the stability of their own friendships. Furthermore, the underlying recognition of anxiety can influence one's interpretation of rationality, leading to a subjective understanding of situations that aligns with their emotional state and the context in which they find themselves.

The two phrases you referenced serve as illustrative examples of anxiety-mongering, characterized by their lack of substance and depth. Even in the presence of significant distress, it is unlikely that one will identify with these phrases to a greater extent than with the mere emotion of anxiety itself.

It is indubitably valuable and fortuitous to have a few exemplary friends in one's life. One should treat such friendships with the utmost care, as if they were priceless gems. At the same time, everything is in a state of flux, and so are friendships. They may either continue or grow distant, or they may be affected by changes in circumstances or oneself.

The awareness of this potential outcome can evoke feelings of unease, worry, and anxiety. It is important to recognize that this is an inherent aspect of life that cannot be controlled or denied. If we focus solely on this possibility, we may overlook the resilience of friendship, the strength of mutual emotions, and the various forms of maintenance and sacrifice that are required to sustain and value it. While there are many factors that can influence emotions, it is not uncommon to have friendships that span a lifetime. The uneasiness that arises from this awareness can serve as a catalyst for us to work harder to maintain and nurture our relationships.

The outcome is indeed unpredictable and beyond our control. Rather than experiencing anxiety, it would be more beneficial to focus on enjoying the present. It is important to note that similar words are neither rigorous nor objective. This can be illustrated by the following analogy: Imagine you have chosen a narrow path that is ultimately a dead end, and then proceeded to put up a sign indicating that this is the only way forward.

It is not a divine decree or a holy word; rather, it is necessary to base oneself on reality and the current situation of the friendship to comprehensively and objectively analyze it in order to obtain the most likely answer that is closest to the facts, rather than idle gossip from an unknown source.

For example, is it reasonable and inevitable for friends to favor you? Is the act of giving friendship not an important aspect of human interaction?

The concept of "eye luck" is inherently vague and encompasses a relatively small probability. It is unclear how this concept can fully account for the causes of probable outcomes. It is equally unclear how one might imagine the result of an outcome that is not probable.

Or is the outcome still contingent on chance?

...

Further questioning and pursuit may yield more insight, yet the logic of words can be easily dismantled. Many poorly crafted videos are riddled with plausible yet fragmented language. However, a more rigorous examination reveals that anxiety and unease are the only consistent emotions, while the veracity of the words themselves is untenable.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether there is a particular reason for these concerns, or if they are simply unfounded apprehensions.

It is possible that at some point in the future, a distance or unfamiliarity may develop between you and the other person due to factors such as differences in relationship status, work commitments, or geographical separation. How should you view and maintain this relationship? Furthermore, as you grow older, if your respective views and concepts become more divergent, or even clearly uncomfortable, what recourse do you have to maintain the relationship for the sake of "beautiful memories"?

Should the day come when everyone is separated, it would be prudent to consider whether one would be able to accept this outcome with equanimity, having done one's utmost. It would also be wise to reflect on the probability of such an eventuality and on the actions one would take should it occur.

The unease may not originate from the potential and uncertainty of circumstances; rather, it may stem from the confusion that lacks a solution without contemplation and examination, and from the helplessness that is reluctant to envision and pursue. If the circumstances are uncertain but knowable, the unease may dissipate.

It is my sincere hope that you will find happiness.

Hello. I have read your description and I understand your need for a sense of belonging and security. It seems that the more you want to always have it, the more you are afraid of losing it.

1. Analyze your description.

1. The opening introduction, "I haven't been in love much, but fortunately I have two or three really good friends around me." I noticed two things. First, your topic is friendship, but you first said you haven't been in love, so you still want to fall in love?

Second, understand the word "lucky." It means I want it and I have it. It also means I'm afraid I don't have it or don't deserve it. Love and friendship give you a sense of belonging and security, showing your inner desires.

2. "I enjoy watching sports events, but I lack a suitable companion. However, a friend is willing to listen to me discuss the team's intriguing history, which has brought me many fond memories."

Watching sports is a hobby. It's a way of life. It's about belonging. It's about feeling like you're part of something bigger. You feel lost when no one is there to watch with you. But having someone to listen to you makes you feel supported by others and gives you a sense of belonging. It makes you happy.

3. "My team won yesterday. I wanted to post about it on WeChat, but I was too shy to express myself publicly. My friend encouraged me, saying, 'Just record your joy, no one needs to pay attention to it.' She was the first to like it, which made me very happy."

You are happy that your favorite team won the game. You know you belong to the team, and this is your way of expressing your inner search for a sense of belonging.

I want to post on my Moments, but I'm embarrassed to express myself openly. I want to post because I'm proud of the group in your heart, and I want to express my achievements and joy for the win of "us," a sense of belonging. Is this a long-standing psychological problem? This kind of psychology is accompanied by some worries that I will say the wrong thing in my expression, hurting the people I care about and losing them; at the same time, I'm also afraid that if I'm full of joy, I won't get the attention I want, and that will make me feel lost without the support of the group. I'm embarrassed to express myself. This is a problem I need to overcome.

When your friends like it, you know you belong.

4. You watched the video "Why can't you get your friends' favor?" because you value the sense of belonging and security that friendship brings. However, the title expressed your concerns exactly: you are worried about not getting the attention and favor of your friends, and you are worried about losing your friends. You want to go in and find out how to avoid it.

2. I want to know why you have this kind of mentality.

Think back to your own upbringing. What was your family environment like? How did your parents relate to each other? How did you relate to your parents? Did your family give you a sense of belonging? Did you have good friends at school with whom you had a falling out after a conflict? Think about these questions and more.

3. What can be done?

1. Self-regulation: From your current perspective, reinterpret those memories. Your parents love you, but their personalities and ways of expressing themselves can sometimes hurt you. Focus on the good memories in the family. The conflicts with classmates at the time seem quite ridiculous now. If possible, contact your classmates from that year and resolve past minor conflicts with laughter.

2. Believe in facts: Any kind of family affection, friendship, or love has something that attracts each other. They are different individuals with many differences in habits, thoughts, opinions, etc. This is normal. All kinds of real relationships can withstand the test. If you want to accept the happiness of being together, you have to accept the differences with the other person, and even conflicts in opinions and other aspects. Otherwise, it is not a real relationship.

To maintain a long-term relationship, you must show your true self and let the other person get to know the real you, your strengths and weaknesses. Only through communication and mutual adjustment can you seek common ground while reserving differences.

3. Rationally view online videos. Know the facts, set aside preconceived worries, and examine the viewpoints of the videos with your own perspective. Identify which ones are of high cognitive value and have learning and reference significance, and which ones are just eye candy. Improve your self-awareness.

It's normal to experience ups and downs in close friendships. Even though you have a few great friends, you still feel a bit uneasy.

There are actually some pretty complex psychological mechanisms behind this psychological phenomenon. To understand it properly, we need to look at it from a new psychological perspective.

Where do these psychological effects come from?

First, it's important to recognize that social media and online comments have become a big part of modern life. They give us a lot of information and opinions, but they can also have some negative psychological effects.

In your situation, the title of an online video, "Why can't you get your friends' attention?," was likely a psychological trigger that brought up your deep-seated concerns about the stability and reliability of friendships.

It seems that your high expectations of friendship and over-reliance on self-worth may be the root of your worry. When we have high expectations of a relationship, we often unconsciously regard it as a measure of our self-worth.

When we sense changes or uncertainty in a relationship, it can cause intense anxiety and unease.

On top of that, social comparison psychology also plays a role. When we see that others seem to have more friendships or deeper emotional connections, it's easy to feel self-doubt and unease.

This kind of comparison is not only a misinterpretation of others, but also a denial of self-worth.

Let's take a look at the way we see ourselves.

From what you've told me, it's clear you have a strong connection with your friends. You value every moment you spend with them and are willing to listen and share bits and pieces of each other's lives.

This honest feeling is a great thing about friendship, but it can also make you worry and feel anxious.

The more you value friendship and invest in it, the more you're attuned to the other person's feelings and reactions. You worry about whether your words or actions will make the other person feel uncomfortable or dissatisfied. This excessive concern makes you cautious and careful in your interactions.

However, this excessive concern often makes the other person feel pressured, which can affect the healthy development of the friendship.

On top of that, your sensitivity to online comments also shows that you're feeling a bit uneasy and vulnerable. In the age of social media, it's tough to avoid being influenced by all the comments out there.

However, different people see things differently, depending on how sensitive they are. You overthink these ideas of "eye contact" and "luck." It shows you're worried about the uncertainty and uncontrollability of friendship.

Here's some advice from a psychological perspective:

To help with this emotional experience of gaining and losing, we can start with the following:

1. Set realistic expectations. Friendship is a two-way street. We should have reasonable expectations and understand that ups and downs are normal, not use them as a measure of self-worth.

2. Boost our self-esteem: Our value isn't based on what others think. We need to focus on our own needs and feelings, feel good about ourselves, and cut down on our dependence on friendships and emotional highs and lows.

3. Nurture healthy social habits. It's important to maintain a healthy distance from friends while still maintaining independence. Avoid becoming overly invested or dependent. At the same time, it's crucial to learn to express your feelings and needs. Open and in-depth communication with friends is essential.

4. Build psychological defense mechanisms: It's important to stay objective and rational when it comes to comments and opinions on the internet. Don't be swayed by others' comments, and don't use others' opinions as a standard to measure yourself or others.

We can also develop some psychological defense mechanisms, such as "shielding" or "mental filters," to reduce the impact of negative information on us.

5. Get professional help: If the above methods don't work for you, you might want to talk to a counselor or psychologist. They can give you more in-depth advice and support to help you build healthier, more stable relationships.

In a nutshell, the tricky emotional landscape of a friendship with benefits calls for a new way of thinking to navigate it. By setting realistic expectations, boosting our self-esteem, developing healthy social habits, building psychological defense mechanisms, and seeking professional support, we can gradually ease this unease and anxiety and establish healthier and more stable interpersonal relationships.