Growing up in a strong mother family, how do you solve the influence brought about by your original family?

Good day. I extend my sincerest regards to you in the form of a 360-degree hug.

From your initial inquiry, it is evident that within your family of origin, your mother exhibited a tendency to exert control, while your father demonstrated a relatively weaker approach. In such a familial context, you rebelled during your adolescence, striving to challenge your mother's dominance. However, you ultimately opted for a more passive stance, choosing to remain silent and avoiding direct confrontation.

I believe that at that time, you had the desire to distance yourself from your mother and your family. As you grew older, you would go away to study and work, which would allow you to do so.

Could it be that the silence of adolescence is, in fact, a strategic move, a way of allowing time to resolve the conflict? Or do you believe that personal growth and moving on will lead to a more positive outcome?

By the age of 27, it becomes evident that despite efforts to the contrary, past experiences continue to impact current intimate relationships.

It is evident that you possess a keen awareness and an understanding of how your family of origin has shaped your relationships with the opposite sex, particularly those with whom you desire to develop an intimate bond.

You are seeking guidance on how to facilitate positive change in your intimate relationship and prepare for a more harmonious and equitable marriage.

Indeed, you have made some efforts. For instance, you have acknowledged that while you may appear to be more masculine on the surface, you are aware that you lack true masculinity.

These efforts may appear to be ineffective, but they are based on your own perception and understanding of yourself.

It is possible that what others see may not reflect your true thoughts and feelings. For instance, an individual may appear calm when giving a speech or speaking in public, but in reality, they may be experiencing a high level of anxiety and believe their performance to be imperfect.

However, other individuals may perceive this as composure. I am acutely aware of this reality due to my direct involvement in the situation.

On occasion, I still experience a degree of anxiety when reporting to my supervisor. However, the company's assessment of my performance is actually quite positive, as evidenced by the distribution of work.

Fortunately, such situations are becoming less frequent in my experience. It may be that I have gained confidence or sufficient experience.

It is possible that other girls may have a more favorable impression of you than you believe. You can confirm this with individuals in your inner circle, such as your peers or those with whom you have no personal connection, and inquire about their perception of you.

This kind of feedback can provide a degree of encouragement, which can gradually transform into a positive cycle.

In other words, when you behave in a remarkable way, you will be regarded as remarkable. This process takes time. I recommend reading the book The Energy of Your Gestures.

Furthermore, with regard to her relationship with her parents, it would be beneficial for her to accept them for who they are. It is important to recognize that they may also be influenced by their own nuclear and extended families, and that they may not have learned effective communication and conflict resolution skills with their partners and children. Additionally, the differences in leadership styles between the two generations can result in instances where even well-intentioned parents and children may have differing perspectives on certain matters.

Furthermore, my child had a fever this morning, and we still have to take the nucleic acid test as a group. We are unable to leave the community without it. I provided her with medication, and since it was cold, I instructed her to put on her long-sleeved school uniform and go downstairs to line up for the nucleic acid test.

I repeatedly informed her that she needed to zip up her jacket because she had a fever and was already cold. However, she ignored my instructions and crossed the front of the jacket, wrapping herself up and stating that she was no longer cold. This behavior was highly frustrating, particularly given the low temperature and the fact that she had a fever. It's likely that she would not have been able to enter the school gates at this time of year.

I consider myself to be an open-minded mother, but I still have the desire for her to heed my advice.

If the parents are of an older generation, particularly those who came of age in the 1960s or 1970s, the generational divide may be more pronounced. My stance on this has consistently been one of acceptance. While there may be differences of opinion, it is not realistic to expect immediate change.

It is also important to have confidence in your own identity and to recognise that, while we are influenced by our parents, we are not solely defined by them. From your description, it seems that you have been trying to assert your independence from your parents since childhood.

You will undoubtedly possess qualities that are distinct from those of your mother and father. You are a unique individual.

You may also find it helpful to read some books on intimacy, such as Intimacy: A Bridge to the Soul, to learn how to interact with the opposite sex. In summary, respect and empathy are key.

I am often both Buddhist and pessimistic, but I am also an optimistic and motivated counselor. I believe in the value of the world and of human potential.

Good day.

Original poster:

I have taken the time to carefully read the post, and from the content, I can sense that the poster is seeking a way to navigate the influence of their family on their life. At the same time, I also noticed that the poster has courageously expressed their distress and actively sought help on the platform, which will undoubtedly help the poster to better understand and recognize themselves, so that they can adjust and move towards confidence.

I hope you will find my observations and thoughts from the post helpful in viewing the situation from a more diverse perspective.

1. Could you please elaborate on how the original family affects us?

In your post, you mentioned that you grew up in a family where your mother was dominant. It seems that this upbringing may have had an impact on your relationships and self-confidence. After reading your description, I was struck by how perceptive and reflective you are. I believe these abilities will serve you well in future as you move on from the influence of your family of origin.

If I may, I would like to suggest that we consider how our family of origin might influence us from a psychological perspective. In your post, you mentioned that when you were a child, your mother would scold and beat you if you misbehaved.

Sometimes I feel ashamed and hated by my parents. Despite my rebellious period, I still feel that I cannot defeat my mother's message.

I believe that this experience may have also contributed to a sense of shame and feelings of being hated by your parents, which could have subsequently led to a lack of confidence.

From a psychological perspective, it is understandable that when we were young, we did not have the capacity to fully understand ourselves. Instead, we learned about ourselves through the feedback we received from our caregivers. If the feedback was negative, it can lead to feelings of hatred and internalization.

It is not uncommon for individuals to experience feelings of inadequacy and unpopularity, which can subsequently impact their sense of self-worth. It might be helpful for the host to consider whether this is related to an underlying inferiority complex. Additionally, the host's relationship model with their mother, as well as the dynamics between their mother and father, could potentially influence the host's emotional model or intimate relationships.

This is because we learn from observing how our parents interact with each other. If we have a good relationship with our mother, it may naturally extend to our relationships with the opposite sex.

2. Consider learning to re-parent ourselves.

As we mentioned earlier, our family of origin can have a significant impact on our lives. Our sense of self-worth and self-confidence can be shaped by our upbringing.

So, how might we move from low self-esteem to self-confidence? Perhaps the first step would be to recognize that we are now adults, and that it is time for us to take responsibility for ourselves.

While our family of origin may have an impact on us, it is important to recognize that we can still make choices and adjustments on our own. It is possible that our lack of self-confidence may be the result of parenting methods that are not as healthy as they could be. At this time, we can try to adjust those parenting methods that are not as effective and re-parent ourselves in a healthier way.

It would be beneficial to rebuild an internal and objective evaluation of ourselves and our sense of self-worth. This could be achieved by re-parenting ourselves, objectively viewing the way in which our parents raised us from an adult perspective, and recognizing that we now need to take responsibility for our own lives, our own needs, and our own emotions.

3. Learning and improving

As we mentioned above, re-parenting is a concept that can be challenging to grasp.

In order to re-parent ourselves, it may be helpful to first identify what a healthier parenting style might look like. This could be an area where we could benefit from learning more.

On the other hand, it would be helpful to understand what is unreasonable and how to replace unreasonable beliefs with reasonable ones. It can also be challenging to deal with complex emotions towards mom and dad.

It might be helpful for the original poster to consider learning more about psychology. It's also important to give yourself time and space to process everything.

I didn't mention a specific method because I don't think this is a problem that can be solved with just an answer and a few suggestions. It might be helpful to keep learning and growing. If you have the means, you could also consider finding a professional consultant to help with any professional questions you may have.

I hope that these will be of some help and inspiration to you. If you would like to communicate further and grow, you can also click on Find a Coach to enter the one-on-one chat service.

Hello!

After reading the question carefully, it seems that the questioner has always struggled to get along with the opposite sex. This has now become a real problem for them. It's as if a thought or idea has been generated and evolved into a "deeply rooted concept." What's missing is some helpful guidance, or perhaps some guidance that was missing during the formative period of attitudes towards the opposite sex. This is why every time you get along with the opposite sex, it becomes a chaotic situation.

It's always great to have an understanding of the opposite sex!

It's totally normal for kids to be a bit confused about boundaries with the opposite sex during their formative years, before puberty, which is between the ages of 0 and 12. They might not yet be able to distinguish between the specific boundaries of the opposite sex and their own, but that's okay! Some parents start educating their kids about this around the right time, and their children will understand the boundaries of the opposite sex a little earlier. For most people, though, these boundaries are specifically formed between the ages of 12 and 13.

It's totally normal for things to get a little tricky during those teenage years, between the ages of 13 and 18. It's a time when we're all trying to figure out who we are and what we want, and it can be tough to handle the attention from the opposite sex and navigate boundaries. It's also a time when our minds are still developing, so it's not always easy to stay calm and open-minded when we're facing lots of different challenges.

Once they hit 18, they're all grown up! Some folks are off to university, while others have chosen to jump straight into the real world. They're sharp, they're savvy, and they're ready to take on whatever life throws at them. But, as with everything in life, their experiences and personality make them unique, and that's what makes them special!

So, with all this in mind, let's think about the question the questioner asked about "not daring to get along with the opposite sex calmly." When does this happen? The questioner can take a moment to reflect on their own experiences and how they've developed. It's totally normal to have some challenges when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. Our mothers are the first people we meet who are of the opposite sex, and they leave a deep impression on us. But, just because our mothers are the first people we know who are of the opposite sex, it doesn't mean that everyone we meet will be exactly like them. It's important to let go of any fixed ideas we have and try to form healthy, stable relationships with other people of the opposite sex. When we do this, we'll find that we can calm down and feel more in control of our emotions when we're around the opposite sex.

I'd like to offer three suggestions for the questioner.

1. Try to get out of the influence of subjective ideas and get along with the opposite sex calmly.

It's usually pretty easy to get along with people of the same sex because we have a lot in common and understand each other really well. But it can be a bit tricky when it comes to people of the opposite sex. It often takes time to find things we have in common and to understand each other better, so it can be harder to get along with people of the opposite sex than with people of the same sex. But it's worth it! All it takes is a little patience and tolerance.

So, this isn't something that only the original poster will face. The main challenge is how gender stereotypes can affect us when we're trying to deepen an intimate relationship. But, when we let go of our own ideas and focus on building a supportive, trusting bond, we can step out of the shadows and fully invest in and enjoy the relationship.

2. Learn to listen to your partner and try to understand what they're thinking and feeling.

It's true that women and men think differently. This can cause some hiccups in relationships if we don't understand each other's ways of thinking. The tenderness and sweetness of the beginning can fade, and emotional outbursts can expose some personality flaws. It's important to stay calm and rational (usually the man needs to take the lead because men are more likely to remain rational with women) and use a mature way of thinking to solve current problems. This helps to keep the relationship strong and avoid any small risks caused by personality or thinking differences.

It's totally normal to feel a bit timid and want to avoid women when you're going through this. When problems arise, it's really helpful to be aware of your emotions, soothe yourself, and maintain emotional stability. This will help you face women with more strength and be able to cope with the difficulties between the sexes. You've got this!

3. Be true to yourself and accept the other person, too!

It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed at first when you're trying to get to know someone. It's not always easy to understand each other right away, and it's okay if you don't feel like you can respond calmly at first. The good news is that you can gradually open up, treat each other sincerely, and deepen trust as you interact and try to understand each other better. It's also possible that you might have some conflicts and friction in the relationship because you don't fully understand each other yet. But if you're your most authentic self and accept the other person, you can turn the temporary pain of the friction into a deeper understanding of each other. This will help you be more tolerant and understanding of each other, which is a great thing!

I'm sending you lots of good luck and encouragement! You've got this!

Hello, I'm Wang Ying, a counselor.

People are starting to accept and value the concept of the original family more and more. When we are unhappy in our lives, it is often because of our parents.

Your mother wanted to control you. When you were little, you were beaten and scolded, which made you feel ashamed and unworthy.

As you grow up, you rebel and distance yourself from your parents. This causes emotional problems. Your intimate relationships will continue the pattern you had with your mother.

Some of the feelings you have when you are with your mother are the same feelings you have when you are with the opposite sex. You don't like this pattern, but it is often the case that when you are with a girl, you will slowly develop these feelings, even with girls you don't care about or who are inferior to you.

This pattern may feel painful, but it also makes you feel safe. Your subconscious mind controls it. If you don't bring your subconscious mind to the conscious level, you won't be able to break free from this pattern.

If you want to change your intimate relationship, you must heal the wounds of your childhood and reconcile with your parents. Your current estrangement, indifference, and hatred towards your parents is a result of your mother's violence towards you when you were a child. You must accept and comfort your inner child and tell yourself that your parents love you. Your mother did her best to love you, but she was limited in her abilities and knowledge.

Think about your mother's upbringing and education. How were her parents to her? Did she have the chance to learn how to be a good mother? You can only interact with your parents as adults if you let go of your resentment.

We all want perfect parents, but they're hard to find. As adults, we can play the role of the understanding parent we want to be, giving ourselves and our inner child love and support.

As a therapist, I grew up with wounds from my childhood. My parents divorced when I was two. I followed my father, and I lost my sense of security. I was insecure, which made it hard for me to have good relationships. My partner was also similar to my father.

After going through a painful time, I started to heal. I made peace with my parents, healed my inner child, and my marriage improved.

Childhood trauma affects our intimate relationships. If you resent your mother or have bad feelings when you get along with a girl, calm down and comfort your inner child. Let your emotions flow.

It will be hard at first, so take your time.

I hope this helps. Bless you.

Good day, question asker. My name is Evan.

From the questioner's description, it appears that the questioner perceives her mother as highly dominant within the family unit, while her father is perceived as relatively weak. This dynamic has led to the questioner's apprehension about interacting with girls. It is this researcher's opinion that the behaviors exhibited by the questioner's mother are not entirely unrelated to the questioner's original family upbringing and personality.

This personality may be related to the fact that the questioner's mother was the eldest sister in her own family of origin and had a habit of strong discipline towards her younger siblings. Alternatively, it may be related to the fact that her mother was in a management position. Consequently, when her mother started a family, she also brought this strong-willed nature into her own family, and even passed on this pattern to the questioner, causing a deep impression in the questioner's mind that all girls are strong-willed.

It is my contention that the mother's treatment of the child is a function of her own upbringing. When a child matures, they are influenced by their family and come to believe that parents possess absolute authority within the home.

It is evident that there are various motives behind parents' attempts to control their children's behavior. Some parents exhibit perfectionistic tendencies, while others are driven by a fear that their children will repeat the mistakes they made during their own formative years. These behaviors may be perceived as protective by parents, but in reality, they frequently result in depression and psychological harm to children.

In this section, I will offer the original poster (OP) some encouragement and guidance, with the aim of providing the OP with the strength to understand the mother's motives in treating the OP.

It is not uncommon for parents to exhibit negative reactions to their children, yet these reactions may not be entirely malicious. Rather, they may reflect a parent's hope that their child will mature into a well-adjusted individual. However, if a mother's personal wishes are entirely disregarded, it is possible for her to exhibit a tendency toward controlling behavior. Nevertheless, regardless of the parenting style, parents do not exert control over their children's actions continuously.

In light of the fact that the question was posed on this platform, I will also proffer some straightforward counsel to the questioner.

It is important to note that the mother's behavior may not necessarily indicate a controlling personality or negative parenting style. While she may exhibit strict disciplinary measures, this does not necessarily indicate a pattern of controlling behavior. A controlling parent may employ specific tactics to exert control over others.

It is not uncommon for mothers to exhibit strict behavior towards their children. However, this does not necessarily indicate that they are controlling individuals or that they engage in negative parenting behaviors. A controlling parent may exhibit specific patterns of controlling behavior towards their children.

Some of these methods are overt, while others are more covert. Control behavior can manifest in a variety of forms, including direct criticism and indirect threats.

The questioner may ascertain that her mother exhibits a proclivity for control when she observes the following behaviors in her mother:

The mother will consistently criticize her child for inconsequential matters, such as physical appearance, attitude, or the decisions the child makes.

Such behavior may manifest as a threat to inflict harm upon oneself or another, as evidenced by the following example: "If you do not return immediately, I will take my own life."

The exploitation of one's sense of guilt can be employed as a means of compelling compliance with actions that are otherwise undesired. To illustrate, a mother may assert, "I endured the prolonged process of labor for 18 hours to bring you into this world, yet you are unwilling to remain with me for a mere few hours?"

Such behavior may manifest as surveillance or a lack of respect for one's privacy. This could include, for instance, casually perusing the contents of one's room or clandestinely reading one's phone messages when the individual is not present.

It is essential to comprehend the rationale behind the mother's actions and behaviors towards the individual in question.

One might inquire as to why the mother of the questioner treats the questioner in such a manner. It would be of interest to ascertain whether she was similarly treated when she was a child. Similarly, it would be informative to determine whether the mother was also taught this way by the elders in the family when she was a child.

The model of communication with children is that the mother has been trained to be assertive in her birth family, particularly as an older sibling. If she is unable to compel her younger siblings to be strong, she will encounter difficulties in disciplining them. This model is deeply ingrained in her psyche, and it will manifest in the family she establishes.

From her perspective, parents are expected to discipline their children in this manner.

The motivation behind the mother's actions is a crucial aspect to comprehend. Gaining insight into the rationale behind her behavior can facilitate the release of emotions, promote a more composed response, and enhance overall ease.

Therefore, if the questioner is able to comprehend her mother's motives, she will recognize that her mother is merely perpetuating the familial pattern of treating her children in a manner prescribed by her original family. This pattern precludes the mother from recognizing her own intrinsic value. Is there anything about her that is worthy of sympathy? The strength and controlling behavior that the mother displays are, in fact, a form of self-protection. This is because if she is unable to assert strong control over her younger siblings, she will experience a sense of worthlessness within her family structure.

The questioner must confront the influence of their mother.

What is the impact of the mother's assertive personality on the questioner from an early age? Is it beneficial for women to be assertive in intimate relationships?

This perspective influences the questioner and instills a fixed notion that girls will be more dominant, even prompting the questioner to fear encountering a dominant female. These beliefs are shaped by the mother in the original family. The questioner can attempt to itemize and document on paper some of the misguided perceptions about girls that their mother has imparted.

The questioner can then attempt to ascertain the veracity of these views, determine whether they were transmitted by their mother, or if they are merely subjective opinions. An argument can be made against these views, based on the personalities of other women, to determine whether they are universal or if they are merely the result of a unilateral perspective.

If the opinion is merely personal, and not universally applicable, the questioner may come to recognize that these influences have been shaped by their mother. When the questioner acknowledges that some of their internalized views on women are, in fact, shaped by their relationship with their mother from childhood, it may lead to a reduction in fear associated with intimate relationships with girls.

It is further suggested that if the questioner continues to interact with other girls in a manner similar to their relationship with their mother in their original family, the girl they find will also be likely to maintain a close relationship with her mother. Even when the questioner is more vulnerable, the girl will also display a strong side. This would suggest that the questioner's family is very similar to their original family.

It is imperative to cultivate an honest self-reflection and discourse on one's apprehensions.

The mother is attempting to exert control over the subject's behavior, and the influence she has exerted on the subject has already shaped the subject's current personality. Thus, how might the subject overcome the influence of their own family of origin? Should one allow one's mother to influence one's every word and action?

Alternatively, one might choose to confront the issue courageously. This necessitates that the questioner possess the capacity to confront their own self and be candid with themselves, as this will enable the questioner to address their own concerns directly and circumvent the repetition of past missteps when establishing their own original family.

Indeed, the questioner's apprehension towards his mother and his tendency to assert dominance over girls can be attributed to his mother's educational and social influence. Without direct confrontation of these issues, it will be challenging for the questioner to effect meaningful change. When engaging with girls, it is crucial to be transparent about the underlying reasons for his apprehension and to express his genuine concerns and fears. Additionally, it is essential to communicate his desired qualities in a partner. By being authentic about his needs and desires, the questioner can gradually identify individuals who align with his expectations.

It is essential to be transparent about one's desires. It is not advisable to engage in lengthy discussions on topics that are of a more personal and confidential nature. In such instances, it may be prudent to refrain from such discussions until a more established rapport has been established.

It is assumed that the family in question is representative of the norm.

It is challenging for the individual to alter the behaviors and thoughts of their mother. This is a reality that must be acknowledged. The individual can assume that both parents are relatively typical parents and that their mother is not particularly strong-willed. In this context, what would the individual be like?

If the original family of the questioner was a typical family and the mother of the questioner was a typical mother who was gentle and virtuous, what would the questioner be like? The questioner can consider this scenario. While this imagination cannot alter the original family of the questioner, it can be used to develop greater self-confidence, enabling the questioner to interact with girls in a more positive manner and even confront their own fears directly.

Our cognitive processes are highly susceptible to external influences. By consistently offering oneself positive suggestions and learning to interact with others in a manner consistent with that observed in a typical family unit, the questioner can gradually transform into an image that aligns with their desired identity. If one eliminates the influence of one's mother and maintains a sense of emotional detachment, the questioner will become increasingly immune to the effects of that influence.

It is recommended that you seek the guidance of a qualified professional in the field of psychology.

Should one feel that they lack the requisite skills to communicate with girls due to the influence of their mother, it would be advisable to seek the counsel of a qualified psychological professional. It is this author's recommendation that one locate a suitable psychological counselor or listener on a psychological platform and unburden oneself to them. It is believed that such an individual can assist in overcoming the influence of one's mother and in learning to confront it.

In the context of one's personal life, it is beneficial to have individuals with whom one can engage in open communication. Having the support of such individuals can facilitate a sense of security. Over time, as one gains strength and gradually becomes more independent, it becomes possible to gradually distance oneself from the influence of one's mother.

When the questioner is able to confront the impact of their mother's influence and adopt a more objective perspective, they can begin to recognize and reward themselves for their achievements. Over time, this process can help the questioner to develop a stronger sense of self and to gradually disengage from their mother's influence.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the questioner.

Hello, question asker! I'm your answerer, Enoch, and I'm excited to help you out!

From the questioner's description, it seems that in the questioner's original family, because his mother was too dominant, he developed a fear of women during his growth process. But here's the good news! Even after he grew up and had his own life, and even though he was no longer under his mother's control in many aspects of his life, studies, and work, the Oedipus complex in his heart still lingered. This means that when he faced women who were better and stronger than him, or whom he admired and cared about, he would still unconsciously feel nervous. But here's the even better news! This is something he can work on and overcome!

The original family has given you a model for life. Many people cannot escape the template that their parents have carved out for them in their own lives, and choose to associate with and marry someone with similar personality traits to their opposite-sex parents. This makes it easier for them to get along with their partners, but some people will also see some of the problems in their original families. The good news is that in the course of their own lives, they will absorb the essence of their original families and eliminate the bad influences on them, so that they can transform their lives and make them more perfect!

The questioner now sees the factors in his own family that have caused him some problems. The good news is that he can eliminate the bad influences and become braver and more confident in trying to get to know different kinds of girls. This will help him meet someone who is more suitable for him and can also change his life for the better!

As a woman, I can tell the OP that girls' personalities are also very different. A gentle and virtuous girl can give you enough respect and warmth in life, and she'll be your biggest cheerleader! A girl who is understanding can give you enough understanding and comfort, and she'll be your biggest supporter! A strong woman will often interfere in many of your matters, but you'll feel like you can take on the world!

And it is indeed a challenge to find a girl who is intelligent, knows how to respect and understand others, and can make the best decisions in many things. But if you are good enough, once you have such a girl, she can bring you a wonderful life experience that is hard to come by!

I really hope the questioner can still bravely get involved with girls of all personalities! In the process of getting involved, he can understand which kind of girl is the most suitable for him and the one who can work with him to create a better life.

Hello, I took a look at your question.

You tend to be weak and inferior in your romantic relationships with the opposite sex, and you're not always able to show your true masculinity, which can affect your intimate relationships with the opposite sex.

This is all very distressing for you. You're feeling confused and puzzled inside, and you're really keen to find an answer.

The question marks that keep popping up in the text show how anxious you feel.

From what you've said, it seems like you're aware that your parents and your original family have had a big impact on you.

Now, let's look at how this influence took place. And how can you break out of this cycle?

Psychoanalytic object relations theory says that how we grow up affects us a lot.

You mentioned that your father was weak and your mother was strong, and that you were often scolded as a child.

Even when you became an adolescent and started to become more independent, you still wanted to reason with your mother, but you couldn't win.

You became more reserved and tried to avoid them.

This is how you relate to your mother, and it's also how you relate to your partner as an adult.

Put simply, you're dealing with your current heterosexual relationship in the same way you dealt with your mother: with the same lack of courage, inferiority complex and fear of intimacy.

You need to be a "warrior" who's ready to cut this "cycle" with a sword.

First, you need to ask yourself more questions about your relationship with your partner. In other words, you need to be aware of yourself.

Take a moment to think about your relationship with your lover. Is there any similarity between that and your previous relationship with your mother? Do you feel the same level of timidity and inferiority in front of your lover as you did in front of your mother?

At some point, you'll have an "aha" moment, a kind of "epiphany."

In psychoanalysis, an epiphany is the first step towards healing.

Second, read more books on psychological theories related to the original family and guest relations. This will help you gain more psychological knowledge and reflect on yourself, which will drive your own growth.

Finally, you can also find a reliable professional counselor to help you identify some of the issues you're facing and your family of origin, support you as you break free from old patterns, and help you grow physically and mentally so you can become a mature and independent individual.

I hope these tips are useful for you. I hope you become more independent and courageously break the cycle of "reincarnation" caused by your original family.

Hello, dear original poster!

From what you said, it seems like you grew up in a family where your mom was very dominant and your dad was a bit more passive. It seems like your mom was the one who made most of the decisions, and she was the dominant figure in the family. It seems like your mom wanted to control you a bit and always wanted you to do things her way.

We believe that the environment of your original family is important to your growth. Your mother's desire to control you is relatively strong, which has also caused certain unhealthy characteristics in your personality, such as low self-esteem, cowardice, fear, and intimacy. In fact, the reason for such a personality is simply because you grew up in such an environment. Your mother, as the only woman, also brought you character traits that make you think that other women are the same. It can also be seen that you have no confidence in yourself and don't know how to get along with your partner.

Let me tell you how you can solve it.

Let's work on boosting our self-confidence and learning to be independent!

In this regard, we need to work on ourselves. Change can be tough, but it's so worth it! We need to have our own thoughts, be able to make our own decisions, and maintain spiritual and personal independence. It's never too late to change, as long as we're determined to do so. Learning to become confident and independent is a wonderful journey of growth.

It's so important to remember that you're not a child anymore!

Once we become adults, we're no longer children. It's so important to remember that we have the amazing ability to make our own choices and be independent, with our own opinions and thoughts. So don't see yourself as a child, but as an independent, mature individual. When you separate yourself from the role of your parents and acknowledge that you are an independent individual, you'll find that others will respect you.

It's so important to accept your parents, learn to refuse their control over you, and maintain mutual boundaries.

It's okay if you have some negative emotions towards your parents. We all have them sometimes! It's also important to accept how you get along with your parents. After all, your parents grew up in this environment for many years, and they have not changed in the process of growing up. So they may always be like this. It's also important to remember that your parents are also first-time parents, first-time in the role of parents. It's normal that they cannot do a good job of being parents if they cannot do a good job of being themselves. You need to accept your parents, and at the same time learn to refuse your parents' control over you and observe each other's boundaries.

It's so important to remember that in the future, we need to take responsibility for our own lives.

It doesn't matter what it was like before or what your circumstances were like in your original family. The road ahead is yours to travel, and you can do it!

It's so important to remember that we can only take responsibility for ourselves. We need to control all our choices and decisions. So it's a great idea to have our own set of standards in our hearts about what kind of partner we want. In terms of getting along with the opposite sex, it's a wonderful thing to learn to boost your self-confidence and learn to treat everyone equally, whether they are girls or boys. Everyone is independent, and the only equality is when we treat others as independent and respect them, then others will respect us.

It's so important to be sincere when making friends. You can read lots of books on intimate relationships, but the most important thing is to learn to complete the separation from your intact original family. You need to understand that you need to have your own independent personality and your own thoughts, cultivate and improve your cognitive system, and only by completing the separation from your original family can we become better versions of ourselves.

I really hope my answer is helpful to you!