Hate yourself, and you may want to commit suicide just because of a very small unpleasant experience.

It is inevitable that individuals will encounter numerous irksome situations and may even find themselves remorseful for the actions of others. As they mature, they may confront similar challenges or missteps.

As the ancients observed, individuals possess four intrinsic inclinations, each with its own conceptualizations of right and wrong, beauty and ugliness, and good and evil. These values inform individuals' interactions with their environment and serve as the foundation for their verbal and behavioral expressions. Consequently, individuals tend to adhere to their own beliefs and act in accordance with their perceived moral rectitude.

If one's verbal and non-verbal communication are incongruous, it creates a sense of internal discord and dissonance. Such a state is inherently uncomfortable and can lead to feelings of distress and confusion.

On a larger scale, the values espoused by individuals within a social environment are, for the most part, similar. In addition to self-identification, the subtle influence of the social environment and the self-demand to integrate and adapt to the environment also play a role. In group life, everyone hopes to be recognized and affirmed by the social environment, so that they feel like they belong and are not alone.

The aforementioned behaviors are akin to those that are not acknowledged by the social environment and are unlikely to garner approval and support. Of greater concern is the fact that one self-identifies with this definition and perceives it as erroneous, subsequently leading to an apology to one's classmates. This ultimately results in the realization of profound loneliness, accompanied by a sense of isolation, including from oneself.

It is challenging to remain resilient when one is facing internal and external challenges, as it can lead to feelings of helplessness, loneliness, and distress.

This is also the reason why many religions, philosophies, and sages caution against the impurities that tarnish the mirror of the mind and the desires that obscure the heart. In any situation, "standing up for oneself" is one of the most fundamental sources of strength. When one's actions do not align with the guidance of one's heart, but are influenced by specific desires, the first person to challenge this is oneself, and one will feel the persistent echo of one's inner voice.

It is essential that individuals receive support and recognition. In the context of an unpredictable external environment, it is crucial to have the capacity to stand by oneself and provide one's own support. Otherwise, it becomes challenging to find the strength to move forward.

As previously stated, no individual is invulnerable to missteps. It is a process. The past is immutable, and what is crucial is to ascertain whether past actions were justifiable or erroneous, and to maintain or alter one's course of action accordingly.

Furthermore, it is proposed that the standard for making and following such judgments is the voice within oneself. It is therefore asked whether the individual will stand by themselves.

It is my sincere hope that you will experience a life filled with joy and contentment.

Hello, child. I give you a warm hug. You are like a child who has broken a toy, blaming yourself, feeling guilty, and at a loss. It's okay. Everyone has faults, but there is also a good side to everyone. As the saying goes, knowing one's faults is the first step to improvement.

[Magic Hawaiian Therapy]

You said you like to say sorry. This can ease anxiety. It's part of a Hawaiian therapy. Hawaiian therapy is an ancient heart method. In a state of tranquility, harmful "substances" in the heart are released through gratitude and repentance. They are transformed into energy that receives inspiration. This achieves a healing effect.

It's just four words: I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, and I love you. You're using this amazing therapy without knowing it. It's the starting point for everything to get better.

When we say "I'm sorry," do we feel guilty? Let's look at how guilt works.

Guilt

Guilt is a tendency to undervalue oneself. When faced with internal conflicts, it is easy to fall into a state of self-deprecation and self-loathing. Guilt makes it impossible to know how to love oneself, live with dignity, or feel a sense of worthiness in life.

In his theory of mental structure, Freud divided mental structure into three parts: the id, the ego, and the superego. The superego is the last part to develop.

The superego develops from the repression of instinctual demands. In Freud's theory, the superego is the moral conscience and ideal self.

In his new book, Chinese scholar Tang Zhen gives a new interpretation of the superego. He says it is the highest stage of self-development. It is the self of universal love, the self of faith, and the self of perfection.

You told a friend a lot of bad things about the other, and they dropped out of school. I didn't say "caused" because it's not fair to blame you alone. I can see your guilt.

When you're reincarnated, you make a deal with your soul mate. They'll challenge you in the human world so you can grow. You're soul mates with J and Z. Through these challenges, you'll learn to forgive and love.

[Take care of yourself]

Your father often scolds and beats you. You cry all day and are quiet. I feel sorry for you. Perhaps you can't find friends at school to confide in.

Reality is harsh, but it also pushes us to grow. If you have any hobbies, try painting, music, or dancing. Writing down your emotions can also help. Don't be afraid of loneliness, but learn to be alone because friends and family will drift apart. In the end, you can only rely on yourself.

Seek help from a counselor and take a depression assessment. Many people are suffering from depression due to the pandemic. This is nothing to be ashamed of. A counselor can support you.

Empathy, attention, and support are what our souls need to survive.

I'm Zhang Huili, a counselor. I hope this helps. If you like it, click like and leave a comment.

Hello, question asker.

From what you've shared, it seems that your actions may have contributed to a rift between your friends J and Z. It's possible that your attempts to influence the friendship between J and X's friend may have backfired, which might have led to a loss of both friendships.

Your parents often expressed their disappointment in you, and the challenges you faced with your friends caused you distress, which in turn affected your academic performance. Your teachers also provided constructive feedback. You felt uncertain about where to turn for support, and you could sense your friend's feelings of guilt, confusion, depression, and pain.

First of all, it may be because you said something that was unkind about your friend, which caused a rift in their friendship. You feel very sorry about this.

After giving this matter some thought, you have expressed your regret and sought to assuage your inner distress. I would be truly heartened to offer you a gesture of comfort in this difficult time.

There may be some reason for this on your part, but it is not entirely your fault. If you feel particularly bad and guilty, you might consider writing down your apologies, your feelings of inner pain and remorse in the form of a letter.

You may wish to consider whether sending this letter to your friend would be beneficial, although it will undoubtedly require a great deal of courage.

Secondly, it seems that you may have had reservations about friends X and J becoming close. It appears that through your actions, you may have inadvertently tried to create some distance between them. Was this friend X someone you had a strong connection with in the past?

If not, you mentioned missing your first love. I'm curious to know how you missed it, since you didn't get together. I'm sure there must have been some reason. What do you think it was?

Could it have been because the other person didn't feel the same way about you, or was it a personality mismatch? Or did something happen that made it difficult for you to get together?

It's possible that there's a discrepancy between your perception of the situation and the actual underlying cause. It might be helpful to approach the matter with a more positive outlook, as it may not be as challenging as you initially thought.

It might be the case that your parents often scold and beat you, which could result in your emotions being suppressed and unable to be resolved. This may also have an impact on your academic performance and the feedback you receive from your teachers.

It might be helpful to consider ways of promptly relieving negative emotions. Some possibilities include exercise, music, meditation, and writing.

Meanwhile, it might be helpful to turn your attention back to your studies. If you keep focusing on these things, it could lead you into a cycle of guilt. First, try to do the things you can solve yourself, and the things you can't solve can be solved slowly. One day, all your problems will be solved.

If you feel it would be helpful, you can also consider seeking professional counseling to address your emotions.

I hope this is helpful. Wishing you well!

Hello, question asker! You asked, "Hate yourself, maybe it's just a little unpleasant, and you want to commit suicide?"

I want to start by congratulating you on your awareness of your inner world. It's true that our brains are constantly flooded with thoughts, and these thoughts can evoke a range of emotions. However, not all of these thoughts are actionable. If we let our thoughts dictate our actions, we might find ourselves feeling overwhelmed. But here's the good news: we can choose to run away from situations that make us feel uneasy.

Let's dive in and tackle your problem together!

☀️You said you wanted to read it carefully. You have been sorry to two people. You like to say sorry the most. Whenever you feel bad, you just say or write sorry, and it will immediately ease your anxiety.

These two people were your junior high school classmates. Story 1: Two people were very close friends. One day, J came to you and said that she didn't want to play with Z anymore. You then told J a lot of bad things about Z, causing them to break up.

Later, you made up with her under the guidance of the teacher, and their friendship was back on! Unfortunately, it couldn't be continued, resulting in Z dropping out of school. Story 2: In 2019, due to the pandemic, you studied at home. Due to the unreasonable arrangements of the school, you didn't have time for entertainment every day, and a rift appeared in your friendship with X.

After you resumed school, you and X broke up. You had no friends and felt very lonely. But then X and J got together! J had always wanted to hang out with X, and now she finally got the chance!

You didn't want to share friends with J, and you said a lot of bad things about her. But J was determined to make the most of her time with X, and her persistence paid off! A year before this incident, you suffered from insomnia for half a year, which caused you to miss your first love.

Your parents kept scolding you for all sorts of unjustified reasons, which gave you a chance to grow and learn from your mistakes. You used to study very hard, but after losing your friends, you simply couldn't concentrate on your studies anymore. Whenever you did your homework, you would be reminded of the annoying things that happened, which gave you a chance to try new things and discover new interests.

Later, your teachers also gave you some constructive criticism, and your troubles just kept piling up. Now you are a quiet and reflective person, who is learning to navigate the world with confidence.

☀️ Sigmund Freud, the famous psychologist, promoted the fascinating theory of "causality."

The incredible Sigmund Freud, the world-renowned psychologist, proposed the fascinating theory of "cause theory." He suggested that our unique psychological and behavioral differences from the opposite sex are shaped by the experiences we have had in our lives. For instance, if a person grows up without a sense of security and tends to view others with suspicion and defensiveness, it's because the way they were raised by their parents when they were young didn't instill a sense of security.

Now that he is all grown up, he has the incredible opportunity to heal these wounds! He can embark on a journey of self-discovery with the guidance of a counselor, reliving the process of being an inner child during the parenting process. This is the fascinating cause-and-effect theory proposed by Sigmund Freud.

In your story above, you may feel that the following events occurred to you:

1. One day, your friend J came to talk to you. She mentioned that she didn't want to play with Z anymore. You saw an opportunity to turn the situation around and seized it! You took advantage of J's negative feelings towards Z and said a lot of bad things about Z, which caused a complete breakdown in their relationship. After counseling by the teacher, their relationship eased, but Z still insisted on dropping out of school.

2. In 2019, due to the school's overly tight online class schedule, there was no time for entertainment, and a rift developed in your friendship with X.

3. Due to the breakup of a friendship and six months of insomnia, you had the chance to miss your first love!

4. Since your parents have repeatedly scolded and beaten you for unreasonable reasons, you have been in tears, unable to concentrate on your studies, and have been criticized by your teachers. You have more and more things to worry about, and now you have become silent and withdrawn. But don't worry! There's a solution.

I have roughly listed the events in your theory of causation described above, and I'm not sure if I've missed any. But I'm excited to hear your thoughts on whether the above events really all resulted from the previous causes! And if there were no previous causes, would the subsequent results definitely not occur?

I'm excited to tell you about the famous psychologist Alfred Adler and his groundbreaking "goal-oriented theory."

Alfred Adler, another famous psychologist of Sigmund Freud's generation, proposed an intriguing concept called "purpose theory." This theory suggests that our present actions are not solely determined by a single reason from the past. Instead, they are shaped by our motivations and purposes in that moment. Let's consider this example: A mother is scolding her child for a messy and disorganized homework. Suddenly, her phone rings. It's her child's teacher calling! The mother picks up the phone and engages in a cheerful conversation with the teacher. After hanging up, she's ready to tackle the matter head-on with her child. She demands that he rewrite it.

From this situation, we can see that the mother can only control her emotions. This means that she can choose to release her anger in front of her child, which may be a way of encouraging her child to develop in the direction she expects. It's also possible that the child's homework was written in a messy way that caused her to lose control and lose her temper after reading it. Looking at one of the stories you mentioned above, was your friend J and Z's relationship broken because you said a few words when there was a gap in their relationship? Or was there already a problem in their relationship, and they mutually influenced each other to make the relationship develop into that state in order to completely break up?

☀️ Absolutely! Each of us should be responsible for our own choices.

In life, we get to make so many choices! And different choices may lead to different results. There's no right or wrong in the outcome of a choice, but we get to be responsible for our choices. We might be influenced and interfered with by external factors during the process of making a choice, but the right to choose is always in our hands. We should be responsible for the choices we make in our lives!

Your friend made a choice that ultimately led her to drop out of school. She's now free to make all kinds of other choices about her life! She's got the power to make great decisions.

Questioner, I really hope this helps! And the world and I love you!

Hello, my name is June.

From the friendship with two friends, to first love, to parents, I empathize with your loneliness and longing. Because you longed so much for company and were so attached to one person, and because you were afraid of losing, you did your best to protect it, but in the process you hurt others.

I empathize with your profound sense of culpability. I offer you a comforting embrace.

1. Everyone's world is rich in its own way.

My parents often scolded and punished me for reasons that I felt were unjustified, which caused me to cry every day. I used to study very hard, but after I lost my friends, I found it increasingly difficult to concentrate on my studies. Whenever I did my homework, I would think about the frustrating things that had happened, and later on, my teachers would also scold and criticize me. My list of frustrating things just kept getting longer and longer.

From this text, we can see that the original you studied hard, listened carefully, and wanted to be a good child with both good character and good grades, so as to gain the love and understanding of your parents. However, the beatings and scoldings from your parents made you sad and upset, and slowly, you had J.

Given his apparent warmth, it is understandable that you would want to keep him in your life.

I wonder if this feeling is familiar to you. Perhaps you had a favorite toy when you were a child, but it didn't belong to you. It's possible that someone took it away from you, and you did your best to protect it, crying, screaming, hitting, and kicking, but you couldn't hold on to it. You were so desperate and in pain, but instead of comforting you, your parents were angry at your incessant crying.

You believed that if you wanted less, you could always hold on to what you had. As a result, you lost your first love and X for J.

It would be remiss of me not to mention that J's world also includes family, friendship, love, and many other interests.

Your world will also be rich, and you can have X, Z, and many other people you haven't paid attention to, as well as learning and entertainment. You may find that you don't need to give up those things for one person.

2. It is also possible that excessive guilt could become a burden to the other person.

I hope you can read this carefully. I have wronged two people in the past, and I like to say sorry the most. I have found that whenever I feel bad, silently saying or writing "sorry" can help ease my anxiety.

Due to your actions, J lost Z, which has caused you to experience feelings of guilt. In an effort to maintain your friendship with J, you have been putting yourself down to make the other person happy.

I imagine that your excessive giving has at times made you feel aggrieved. This pent-up anger, sadness and aggrieved feelings must be very destructive, right? Even if they don't hurt J, they must hurt you, so your mental energy is getting lower and lower.

It might be helpful to consider how you can give J enthusiasm when you are running low on power. In the long run, he or she may also feel a lot of pressure.

Your excessive giving may be a burden for you and for them as well. It could even make them feel guilty, as if it is a sin to have other friendships. However, it is important to remember that they all have the right to choose any friend except you.

3. Consider being forgiving with yourself and others.

Everyone has regrets in their lives and makes many mistakes. It is important to recognize your own shortcomings and strive to improve. Accepting your former self and allowing others to make mistakes can help you live a more relaxed life. When you are relaxed, you can better interact with others in a positive and constructive manner.

If you grasp a handful of sand too tightly, it will escape more quickly. To keep it, you must loosen your grip.

I hope the above is helpful. Best regards,

Hello, I'm Xiang Yuchenghuan, a heart exploration coach. I hope my answer helps.

You value your friends and feel guilty about Z dropping out and J almost transferring schools. You suffered from insomnia for half a year, missed your first love, were often scolded by your parents, cried every day, and your teacher now also criticizes you. You don't want to talk anymore.

It's hard to ask questions and express distress, but you did it anyway. You're right to think the situation isn't as bad as you think. You can still communicate with J and X. You can also contact Z to say sorry and explain how you feel. This will help you feel better and improve your relationship. I can tell you're feeling very confused. We shouldn't ignore our feelings, but we can release them. This will help you feel better and make space for J and X to come back.

My advice is:

Hating yourself makes you anxious and makes you dislike yourself.

Maybe you think Z dropped out of school and J almost transferred because of you. But there are many reasons why someone would do that. Someone who has no friends on their own wouldn't say that it's because someone said bad things about them. This isn't to encourage you to speak ill of others. We need to see if they actually drop out of school and have no friends. The main decision is still up to them. We don't need to take on the responsibility that others need to bear.

The book "A Change of Heart" says there are three things in the world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. We are troubled because we worry about other people's affairs and the affairs of heaven.

What other people do is their business. We can't control it. Who they play with, whether they'll be expelled, whether they'll transfer—these are their decisions. You might influence them, but they're the ones who make the choices. They have to make them based on their own situations. It's not just because of you.

You want to stay friends with X and J. So, what can you do to make that happen?

Don't hate and attack yourself. If you do, you'll feel worse. Everyone likes friends who are happy. So stop blaming yourself. You can show you care and want a friendship. I think things will get better.

2. Contact them and tell them you're sorry, care about them, and want to stay friends.

In sixth grade, I had a conflict with my best friend. We didn't speak for a long time. I wrote her a letter to express my feelings and care for her. After reading it, we didn't have the previous silence. Our relationship became better. We were happy to see each other and hugged. We still had a deep connection until high school. We got busy and saw each other less. But our feelings have always remained. We still feel warm, secure, and moved.

It's okay to have conflicts with friends. Sometimes, talking things out can make things better. I suggest talking to them. If you're embarrassed to talk in person, you can write a letter.

You can say to X, "I miss you. I need your support. I'm sorry for any misunderstandings. Can we continue our friendship?"

...You can ask her to share her feelings and thoughts. Maybe she doesn't want to lose you, but is worried you don't like playing with her anymore. This could help clear up the misunderstanding.

Write Z an apology letter. Tell her you're sorry for saying bad things about her and that you blame yourself for her dropping out of school. Ask her if she has anything to say and if she can forgive you.

"What can I do for you?" Perhaps Z doesn't blame you for dropping out, and your sincerity will also make him feel your guilt, get to know you better, and the relationship between you will also develop.

Express your feelings and needs, but don't criticize or accuse. This will lead to a longer, more stable friendship.

3. Release your emotions in a reasonable way. This helps you learn well. When you learn well, your parents and teachers won't criticize you.

You said you might want to kill yourself because of a bad experience. Suicide is not a good solution. You also said you cry every day. Crying is a way to release emotions, but it only helps for a short time. We can also use other ways to relieve stress and emotions. This helps our hearts return to a good state.

If you need to get rid of pain, you can write about your feelings and thoughts (don't worry about how it looks, just express yourself). You can also talk to someone about your problems.

If you need to get rid of pain, you can write about your feelings and thoughts. You don't need to worry about how neat or logical your writing is. You can also talk to someone about your worries and feel loved and supported by your friends.

If you're self-negating, improve your self-esteem, give yourself positive feedback, and practice self-affirmation. Read books like "Accept Yourself: Transcend Your Inherent Weaknesses" and "Accept Your Imperfections" to improve your thinking.

If you are self-negating, you need to improve your sense of self-worth. Read books like "Accept Yourself: Transcend Your Inherent Weaknesses" and "Accept Your Imperfections" to help you.

If you are sad because of someone, find the person you want to connect with and have a sincere conversation. Only when we express our needs will our hearts not be so depressed.

If you're sad because of someone, find the person you want to connect with, have a sincere conversation, and express your needs. Only when we express our needs will our hearts not be so oppressed.

If you need to release anger, you can do so through exercise, stress balls, or the empty chair technique.

If you need to release anger, you can do so through exercise, stress balls, or the empty chair technique.

For reference only. Best wishes!

Good luck!

Hello! I'm Jiang 61.

Thank you for sharing your problems with us. You said, "I hate myself and want to die over a small disagreement." I understand why you're upset.

Hug yourself. Take it slow and get your confidence back.

1. Relationship

1. Classmate relationships

Complicated

Story 1:

Two friends were close. J told me she didn't want to play with Z anymore. I told J bad things about Z, which caused them to break up. We made up under the teacher's guidance, but their friendship couldn't continue. Z dropped out of school.

J and Z were friends who wanted to be friends, but J said bad things about Z. This made them fight and J's friend left school.

You feel guilty. You think you made things worse by criticizing Z, and that Z had to drop out of school.

I'm not sure if I understand.

Story 2:

The school's home learning plan is unreasonable. There is no time for entertainment every day. My friendship with X has broken down. After school resumed, X and I parted ways. I have no friends and feel lonely. X and J got together. J had always wanted to play with X. I didn't want to share my friends with J. I said bad things about J. J was so focused on playing with X that she ended up with no friends and almost transferred schools. However, her persistence made her wishes come true.

Your second story is about X, J, and you. X was your best friend, but the pandemic ended your friendship.

You feel lonely. J is happy because she wanted to be with X.

She doesn't care if she loses her friends. She got what she wanted. You feel lost.

Your second story doesn't show you're sorry, regretful, or that X's return fulfilled J. I suspect X is a boy. Otherwise, you wouldn't have mentioned missing your first love.

J lost other friends after getting back together with X.

I'm sorry.

You said, "I hope I can read it carefully. I have wronged two people. I like to say sorry the most. I say sorry as soon as I feel bad. These two people are my junior high school classmates."

I don't know if the two people you're sorry for are the same as J and Z in Story 1. You feel guilty about Z dropping out of school.

What caused your anxiety? Was it losing your friends, your parents' scolding, your unjustified grievances, or being criticized by your teachers?

2. Family relationships

You said: The year before this, I had insomnia for half a year. My parents scolded me for various reasons, which made me cry every day. I used to study hard, but after losing my friends, I couldn't study anymore.

Insomnia

You said you had insomnia for half a year before you broke up with X. What caused it?

Parents

Your parents are unreasonable. They scold and beat you for no good reason, making you feel aggrieved and tearful every day. Is this a cause of your insomnia?

Is your parents' scolding related to your first love or your grades?

You were a good girl who listened to her parents. You didn't argue when they scolded you. You kept everything inside, which made your pain and anxiety worse.

Stress

You feel pressure from your parents and lack of friends. You also feel pressure from your studies.

That might be why you have insomnia.

3. Teacher-student relationship

You said, "Later, the teacher also criticized me, and there were more things to worry about. Now I'm quiet."

Your teacher doesn't understand you. She criticizes you for your studies, which makes you upset. You don't say anything and are quiet.

2. Causes of relationship changes

1. Personality

You are a very obedient, well-behaved girl who doesn't defend herself. You are probably a people pleaser with a melancholy personality.

People who please others

A pleasing personality is one that blindly seeks to please others without regard for one's own feelings. It is an unhealthy state of mind.

Your friend says she doesn't want to get along with Z. You agree with her, which makes J dislike Z more. J and Z break up, and Z drops out of school.

This is trying to please others.

Depressive personality

Characteristics

The melancholic personality is characterized by:

Thoughtful, sensitive, idealistic, and pursuit of truth and beauty.

Strengths: perceptive, loyal, talented, insightful

Weaknesses: obsessive, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, passive.

? Behavior

Melancholy children feel too much and too deeply. It's hard for them to let go of their emotions. This makes emotional management important.

In a family with poor relationships, a melancholic child will absorb his parents' problems and emotions. He will identify with their pain and sadness, thinking he is the cause of their problems.

Anxiety and feelings of guilt are part of your personality.

2⃣️, Why things are the way they are in your family

As mentioned earlier, your troubles are related to your personality and the family environment you live in.

Controlling Parents

You live with a controlling parent. They don't let you think or decide for yourself.

Controlling people

The controlling person wants others to respect them and not have their own ideas.

Insecurity

Controlling parents want to be in charge. They pressure you to listen to them because they're afraid you'll stop listening and lose their authority. They strike first because they're insecure.

The good girl

You're a good girl who rarely communicates with your parents. You keep everything inside, which is very depressing. You feel powerless to change the situation, so you get upset just thinking about it.

3⃣️, Internal attribution

You say sorry when you're in a bad mood. You're not confident and blame yourself for mistakes. This makes it hard to find the real problem.

You act this way because you're afraid to be yourself.

3. What to do

1. Be consistent.

Satir believed consistency was key. This model is based on a high sense of self-worth and harmonious interaction.

People with a consistent model are aware of themselves, speak and act consistently, and have a relatively high sense of self-worth.

People who are consistent in their actions and words will not try to gain self-worth by pleasing others. They will face criticism calmly because they are confident.

If you want to face your parents' control without trying to please others, you can enhance your self-worth.

2⃣, Self-worth enhancement

Self-worth

Self-worth is about how you relate to others and contribute to society. It includes human dignity and the conditions that support it.

Your self-worth should be based on what you contribute to society.

Your value comes from your own efforts and contributions to society.

Self-esteem enhancement

Self-respect is the core of self-worth. Early self-worth was based on respect gained through affirmation, praise, and approval from parents. Now, to regain respect:

Support from older people.

Your elders can give you affirmation, praise, and recognition. They can be your peers, teachers, or even people you don't know.

Affirmation gives you confidence.

Self-motivation

Self-worth is based on self-confidence, self-love, and respect. Self-motivation can lead to these things.

Set goals and plans.

Everyone sets goals and makes plans to achieve their dreams. You have to set a practical goal and a plan to achieve it.

Implement the plan.

Complete goals and plans one by one and check progress regularly.

Self-motivation

Reward yourself for finishing the plan and reaching the goal. For example, treat yourself to a nice meal or buy yourself a small present.

Improving your self-worth

When you get praise from adults or people outside your family, you will feel more confident. You will also be able to do things you think you are good at. You will start to believe in yourself. You will like yourself more and feel more confident.

3⃣️, be yourself.

Face problems with courage, know right from wrong, and be true to yourself.

Attribution

Attribution is used to analyze cause-and-effect relationships. To be confident, you must face the facts: correct external factors, improve self-cultivation for internal factors.

Be yourself.

Don't let parents or the powerful influence you. Speak up for yourself and stand up for your rights.

4. Effective communication

Effective communication

Communication is sharing information with someone in the hope that they will respond as expected. If this happens, it is effective communication.

Communication includes both verbal and non-verbal messages. The non-verbal part is often more important than the verbal part. Effective communication is important in school and family relationships.

Steps to effective communication

Effective communication has four steps.

Step 1: Express feelings, not emotions.

Step 2: Say what you want, not what you don't want. Say you're angry, not that you're angry about expressing it.

Step 3: Say what you want.

Step 4: Express where you want to go, not where you are stuck.

If you have a conflict with your parents, they might try to suppress you. Use effective communication to express your views, thoughts, feelings, and expectations. Let your parents understand your mood, emotions, and feelings.

Good communication helps you build good relationships and grow. This includes family, friends, and teachers.

Topic Master, I look forward to seeing you grow.

I hope you do well in school!

Good day, I am writing in response to your recent inquiries. Thank you for your interest in our company. Please do not hesitate to contact me directly if you have any further questions. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

I extend to you my warmest regards and best wishes.

Your confusion: "I hope I can read it carefully. I have wronged two people. I like to say sorry the most. Whenever I feel bad, I will recite or write 'sorry' in my mind, and my anxiety will immediately ease up. These two people are my junior high school classmates. Story 1: Two people were very close. One day, J told me that she didn't want to play with Z anymore. I informed J of several unfavorable aspects of Z's character, which resulted in their separation. Subsequently, we reconciled under the guidance of the teacher, but their friendship could not be salvaged, leading to Z's withdrawal from school. Story 2: In 2019, due to the pandemic, I had to study at home. The school's unreasonable scheduling resulted in a lack of daily opportunities for self-entertainment. This led to a deterioration in my relationship with X. After resuming my studies, X and I parted ways. I experienced a sense of loneliness without friends. X and J formed a partnership. J had long desired to interact with X. I was reluctant to share my friends with J, leading to the dissemination of several unfavorable details about her.

J was so focused on playing with X that she nearly withdrew from school due to a lack of social connections. However, her dedication ultimately led to success. A year prior, I experienced insomnia for half a year, which resulted in missing out on my initial romantic interest.

Good day. I am contacting you regarding a matter of some curiosity.

In the initial account, you made a number of unfavorable remarks about Z.

In the second story, you made several unfavorable remarks about J.

Furthermore, I believe you possess the ability to influence outcomes through your words. You made a negative comment about Z, which resulted in their withdrawal from school. Similarly, your remark about J prompted their transfer to another educational institution.

Could you please clarify whether X was your first love? I am also interested in learning more about the reasons behind your sadness.

Please clarify whether your sadness is due to missing your first love or losing your best friend.

It is important to note that sadness is often accompanied by love.

You are placing undue blame on yourself, which is counterproductive. These issues are not entirely your fault, and you should not assume full responsibility.

Take the time to care for yourself and seek comfort.

I would like to extend my personal regards to you, as well as express my appreciation for the world around you.

Good day, landlord. I am Gexianghua's Dream, a social worker at Whale.

Upon repeated reading of your experience, it is evident that the author evinces feelings of guilt and regret. It is possible that we were previously unaware of the consequences of our actions, resulting in the loss of valuable friendships and relationships. However, these experiences are now in the past.

I extend a gesture of affection from a distance, with the hope that it will impart a sense of comfort.

The following section will examine the shortcomings of the host's two narratives.

In the first narrative, two individuals were intimately connected. At a later point in time, J informed me that she no longer wished to engage in activities with Z. In response, I conveyed a multitude of unfavorable attributes about Z to J, which ultimately led to the dissolution of their relationship. Subsequently, we attempted to reconcile our differences under the guidance of the teacher. However, despite our efforts, the friendship could not be salvaged, and Z ultimately withdrew from school.

It can be observed that the host displays understanding and hopes that J will regain a positive mood. At that time, it may not have been apparent that when a friend seeks counsel regarding interpersonal relationship issues, their objective is not merely to achieve consensus. They still hold expectations and hope for the other party involved in the troubled student relationship, anticipating a change in Z's attitude and a resolution to the conflict. At that juncture, it is possible that J and Z had experienced some disagreements, necessitating J's visit to the host for assistance. She sought to convey the challenges of maintaining a positive relationship with Z, yet she did not intend to sever ties with him. If the host has read this far, it is hoped that this analysis will assist the host in reviewing the matter from J's perspective and gain new insights.

In the context of the 2019 pandemic, the school's unreasonable arrangements resulted in a lack of daily opportunities for leisure and social interaction. This led to a deterioration in my relationship with X, which subsequently ended. Upon resuming my studies, I experienced a sense of isolation and loneliness. Meanwhile, X and J formed a romantic relationship. J had long desired to spend time with X, but I was reluctant to share my friends with her. As a result, I made several negative comments about J, which led to her experiencing a similar sense of loneliness and isolation. Despite this, her determination to maintain the relationship led to its success. Additionally, a year prior to this incident, I experienced insomnia for half a year, which resulted in the loss of my first romantic interest.

The narrative is somewhat intricate. What precipitated the rupture in the friendship with X? X subsequently encountered J, and the host made a multitude of disparaging remarks about J. It is conceivable that this was driven by possessiveness, yet ultimately, they remained together. The host's strategy proved ineffective in prompting X to sever ties with J, which caused the host to experience feelings of sadness and remorse, and subsequently affected his sleep.

It may be revealed that it is challenging to influence another person's right to socialize. It is possible that the landlord and J have a competitive relationship in front of X. If they can compete fairly, will the ending of the story be rewritten? What motivates the landlord to engage in disparaging behavior as a form of competition?

A brief communication may not be sufficient to immediately alleviate the distress of the host. However, it is my intention to provide sincere and empathetic assistance to the host in order to offer support and guidance.

Sincerely, Yi Xinli, Social Worker

Hello, dear child!

I'm not sure how old you are now, sweetheart, but I'm here for you either way!

Hug you right back!

It's totally normal to face some challenges at home and with friends as we grow up.

I totally get where you're coming from, and I'd be more than happy to have a chat with you. I'm here to offer you a shoulder to cry on and some much-needed inspiration.

It's so important to learn to comfort yourself.

It's okay to feel this way. Even if many parents love their children, they may not know how to love them.

You say, "My parents, for various reasons, kept scolding and beating me for all sorts of unjustified reasons." I can only imagine how terrible your mood must have been whenever this happened.

It's totally normal to feel powerless in these situations.

But now that we've identified the issue, we can take a step back and think about how we can care for ourselves in the face of such parents.

I'm sure they love you and want the best for you, so it's worth asking: do they have high expectations of you?

I'm sure you do! We all want our parents to listen to us, understand us, and support us.

We can learn to calm ourselves, knowing that we have expectations of our parents, too, and that they probably have expectations of us, too!

It's totally normal for expectations to be met in different ways.

We may not be able to change our parents for the time being, but that's okay! Try to remind yourself that at this stage, it's important to take care of yourself.

When you grow up, you'll have lots of ways to take care of yourself.

Take your time, dear child. You've got this!

When we grow up a little and look back at the present, we may have a whole new perspective. It's so interesting how our view changes as we grow!

Anyway, take comfort in knowing you can learn to console yourself.

2. When it comes to conflicts with friends,

Oh, don't we all! Making friends is such a learning experience, isn't it? We all encounter problems along the way, as you mentioned.

For example, we said some not-so-nice things about Z to J.

You said, "Their friendship didn't work out, and Z dropped out of school."

I'm sure you feel really sorry for her, don't you?

At this time, we all unintentionally play a bigger role than we should have.

When you think about it, was it really just because you said so many bad things about Z? I don't think so!

I'm sure there was another reason why she dropped out of school.

So please don't blame yourself too much, okay?

I'm sure you don't want it to end up like this.

We can try our best to do as little as possible in the future that we might regret.

Or maybe you could find a way to make amends?

You said, "I don't want to share friends with J. I've said a lot of not-so-great things about J. J focused all her energy on playing with X, which resulted in her having no friends and almost transferring schools, but her persistence made her wishes come true."

We all do this sometimes because we don't want to share our friends.

We all make mistakes, and that's okay! We can learn and grow from them, just like we've done many times before.

This is how we learn to make friends!

Making friends is such an important life skill!

And making friends is also a wonderful process of getting to know ourselves and growing ourselves!

But, you know, we'll inevitably face some challenges along the way.

And of course, there will be times when you feel a bit unsure of yourself.

I'm so happy to see that you're aware and reflective!

And remember, you're strong enough to ask for help when you need it.

You said, "After losing my friend, I just couldn't focus on my studies at all. I'd do my homework and then I'd think about all those annoying things that had happened, and then my teacher would criticize me."

It's totally normal to feel sad and upset when you lose friends. It's also normal to think about the annoying things that happened.

It's okay to take some time to understand yourself, give yourself a little comfort, and be your own best friend. Don't be too hard on yourself!

We all have bad times, my friend.

Take it easy, and give yourself a little more time to recover at your own pace.

It's totally okay if your parents don't understand, and it's also okay if you lose friends for a little while.

These are all lessons we learn as we grow up, my dear.

We learn so much along the way, don't we? We learn to make friends, to see the good in our friends, and to share better with our friends.

At the same time, try to focus on learning a little bit each day. You will be amazed at how quickly you will start to feel stronger!

It's totally okay if you're not feeling well right now.

This is just a little reminder that we all need to take good care of ourselves, especially when our mental energy is feeling a bit low.

We can learn to comfort ourselves, just as when there is a storm, we just have to wait until it clears up.

Under the current conditions, you can keep a diary or do some exercise, do something you like, and let your mood slowly improve without forcing yourself. I know it can be tough, but you've got this!

And the great thing is, the more you understand yourself, the more you can get out of it!

Dear child, If you're interested, you can read "The Power of Self-Growth" and pick some chapters you like to read. I truly believe you will grow up slowly, and I'm here to support you every step of the way!

I truly believe this is just the darkness before the dawn.

The world and I love you so much!

I bless you with all my heart!

Hating yourself is basically a kind of self-attack.

If you don't like yourself, you might find it difficult to feel the affection of others.

In a competitive situation, one person may try to gain the other person's friendship or goodwill by speaking negatively about them.

The point of speaking ill of others isn't to make oneself look important in someone else's eyes. It's to make oneself look important in someone else's eyes.

1. Feeling guilty towards others and backing down through emotional concessions can help to ease anxiety.

I hope you can read carefully that I have apologized to two people. I like to apologize the most. As soon as I feel uncomfortable, I will relieve my anxiety immediately by apologizing silently or writing it down. These two people are my junior high school classmates.

When we want to say sorry to someone, we actually feel guilty.

This sense of guilt might come from the feeling that you've attacked someone or done something that makes someone else uncomfortable.

We can empathize with others, so hurting someone else hurts us too.

And we don't intend to hurt anyone. We just might not know a better way to get what we want.

So, when you say you're sorry, you're basically making a concession to the other person. If you're not aggressive, you'll feel more relaxed and your anxiety will subside.

2. It's important to understand your own motives and not take all the blame on yourself.

I'll tell you the story of two people who were very close. One day, J told me that she didn't want to play with Z anymore. So I told J a lot of bad things about Z, which caused a rift between them. Later, we made up under the guidance of the teacher, but their friendship couldn't continue, and Z dropped out of school.

Let me try to understand what this passage means. J is a classmate of yours who you are very close to, and J is also very close to Z, right?

So, how would you describe your relationship with Z? Is it not as strong as your relationship with J?

When J became friends with Z, you were a little jealous. So, when J told you that she didn't want to play with Z anymore, you were happy and took the opportunity to say a lot of bad things about Z. The goal was to make J focus on you, right?

Later, their relationship broke down completely, and Z dropped out of school. You felt like you'd destroyed their relationship and were solely responsible for the fact that Z could no longer even go to school.

You took the blame for what happened, so you feel sorry for her.

Even though you said some unkind things about her, her relationship with J had already become strained. It was actually J who suggested that he didn't want to play with her anymore. If their relationship was as close as you say it was, it would be pointless for you to say any more unkind things.

Also, was Z the only reason J stopped playing with her?

So don't blame yourself for everything that's gone wrong. You just want to fight for a better friendship.

2. When you lose a friendship and feel abandoned or ignored, don't take it out on the people around you.

Story 2: Learning at home due to the pandemic in 2019. The school made some unreasonable arrangements that left no time for entertainment every day. My friendship with X developed a rift. After school resumed, X and I parted ways. I was lonely without friends. X and J got together. J had always wanted to hang out with X, but I didn't want to share my friends with her, so I said some unkind things about her. J was so intent on hanging out with X that she ended up having no friends of her own and almost transferred schools. However, her persistence paid off.

You have a good relationship with J and a good relationship with X. So when you and X fell out, she ended up getting closer to J.

You don't want to lose X's friendship, or if you can't get it yourself, it's best not to get J either, otherwise you'll feel abandoned by both of them. Is that how it is?

When you said something bad about J, it didn't affect their relationship. So you felt lost, like you weren't important to them anymore, right?

It's not a great feeling to be ignored and abandoned. At this point, you're likely to become disappointed with others and feel like they don't like you because you're not good enough.

There are lots of reasons why friendships end and start again. It's worth looking at all the possibilities, but don't blame anyone or yourself.

We all want a partner who's dedicated and understanding, who can understand and accompany us. You're no exception, right?

4. When it comes to interpersonal conflicts, it's important to communicate in a way that's more harmonious and from the heart.

The year before this happened, I had insomnia for six months, which caused me to miss my first love. My parents kept scolding me for various reasons, which made me cry every day. I used to study very hard, but after losing my friends, I simply couldn't study anymore. Whenever I did my homework, I would think about the annoying things that happened. Later, my teacher also scolded me, and my list of annoying things just kept growing. Now I'm quiet and withdrawn.

From what you've told us, it seems that your parents treated you harshly, both physically and verbally.

You feel like your parents don't think you're good enough or love you.

So, you also feel like your friends don't like you.

You also picked up the habit of using verbal attacks from your parents.

Verbal attacks don't work. You might feel like you've hurt someone else, and then you feel sorry for them and think it's your fault.

All these things—parents who beat and scold you, missing your first love, being criticized by teachers, losing friends, sleeping problems—they all add up.

How can you like yourself?

All these arrows pointing at you are enough to bear, so don't point them at yourself, okay?

If your parents scold you and your teachers criticize you, it's going to affect your relationship, right?

Does that mean you have to treat other people the same way, which could affect your friendship with them?

It's more effective to start communicating with them in a gentle way or to apologize directly after a conflict than to say "sorry" to yourself afterwards.

One other thing to think about is that when parents scold and beat you, it causes a strong conflict within you. If you can resolve this conflict first, it will help you to treat others without aggression and stop you from attacking and hating yourself.

I hope this helps.

I'm Yan Guilai, a psychological counselor, and I wish you the best!