Have been married for over three years and still don't know how to manage my little family?

Hello, host. I am honored to answer your question. As stated in the information, you and your husband met through a matchmaking service before marriage. Things didn't start off well, and you politely declined his proposal.

As life pressures increase, your husband takes on his share of the responsibility with consideration. You accept him, step by step, get engaged, get married, and have a two-and-a-half-year-old girl. After getting pregnant, you quit your job and stay at home, working in an industry related to education.

I have participated in some offline activities for pregnant women and I am happy and content.

I have a daughter who is over a year old and can't walk yet. I can still do some things myself, but as she grows older, I have less and less time to do the things I like. I feel a sense of loss and a lack of achievement and value, and I'm going to change that.

From this information, I understand that you and your husband did not have a very good emotional foundation before marriage. You were more married for the sake of marriage. However, your married life is quite happy. Your husband is responsible and dependable. You are able to spare time and energy to do the things you want to do. As your daughter grows up and settles in, you begin to notice that your time and energy are gradually being taken up by her. You are unable to spare time to do the things you like. This makes you feel a little lost.

It is absurd to judge a mother's success or failure by worldly standards. Your greatest sense of achievement and value comes from this healthy and lovely daughter. The experiences and feelings that arise from your interactions with your daughter at that time can help you engage in high-value communication and exchanges with like-minded mothers online and offline.

The two-year-old girl is an eyewitness and participant in these activities.

Child development brings you problems and worries. You need to spend more energy to solve these problems and calm your emotions. This experience is more conducive to communicating with other parents and providing more practical information.

Marriage and family are for two people. In raising children, it's crucial to involve the father. This allows children to intuitively learn how men and women communicate and express emotions. These experiences are invaluable for children's future. I'm available on 1983. The world and I love you!

Dear poster, I totally get where you're coming from. Marriage and parenting are complex journeys, and sometimes we really do feel overwhelmed.

But I want you to know that you're not alone, and together we'll find a solution to these problems!

First of all, I want to say that you are an amazing mother! Raising a child is a huge task, and the effort and sacrifices you have made are beyond words.

Remember, your value lies not only in how you are as a mother, but also as an independent individual with self-worth. You are so much more than that!

Now, let's dive into how you can supercharge your time management! Try making a daily plan, listing all the things you need to do each day, and then arranging your time accordingly.

Absolutely! You can also try seeking support with housework and childcare. Hire a part-time cleaner or ask family members to help with childcare. This will give you more time to do the things you love!

I also think you should definitely try to find some hobbies! Not only will this help you relax, but it will also help you discover your own value.

For example, you could try painting, handicrafts, writing, or learning a new language. These activities are a great way to give yourself a sense of achievement, and they're also a wonderful way to interact with your daughter!

And don't forget to ask for support! Share your feelings and doubts with family, friends, or professionals. They may give you some unexpected advice and help, and it's always good to have a helping hand!

Absolutely! We really do need to talk, to be understood, and to be supported.

Finally, I want to give you some advice: set aside some time every day to be alone. During this time, you can do the things you like, or just sit quietly and enjoy your own company.

This is a great way to relax and relieve stress, while also allowing you to discover your inner needs and desires!

My dear, I absolutely believe you will be able to find your own happiness! Marriage and parenting are processes of continuous learning and exploration. Don't be too anxious or self-critical – you've got this!

Believe in yourself! The future will be better!

Hello. I am the one who answered your question.

I understand this from your description.

1. You met your husband and got to know each other. From the beginning, you politely declined his advances, but he won you over with his sense of responsibility, commitment, and consideration, and you got married and had a lovely daughter.

2. You decided to stay home with the kids, but you still made time to help pregnant women online. You used your knowledge and experience to help others solve problems.

3. Once your child learns to walk, you feel like you have to devote more time to your child and give more, leaving you with less time for the things you like. You feel a bit lost. We'll talk about it together.

♥What is a sense of worth?

A sense of worth is a person's perception of their self-worth, that is, what I can do and what I can create.

You have done a lot for this family and for yourself. You and your husband have created a warm home together and have a lovely daughter. You have brought up your daughter on your own, given her good company, and in the process of raising your daughter, you have also given play to your own strengths. You have done online activities for pregnant mothers, helped others, and gained satisfaction yourself.

That's your value.

I am going to tell you what a sense of accomplishment is.

A sense of accomplishment is the happy feeling you get when you achieve something or reach a goal through your own efforts.

It is challenging for one person to raise a child. You have created a warm home with your own efforts, provided your daughter with happy company, and you have also gained happiness doing what you like online!

You may shift your focus to your daughter between now and kindergarten, but companionship is also an important part of our lives. Your online work may decrease or even come to a halt, but you will gain more experience in the process of accompanying your daughter and running the household. When your daughter goes to kindergarten and you return to work, you will be an outstanding person.

From the top, you can see that you have a sense of worth and a sense of accomplishment. You also need your husband to see and recognize your efforts and dedication to the family, and to have a good intimate relationship. A home needs to be run by two people together, and it requires mutual seeing, respect, trust, and communication.

You need to work harder in this area. Then you will be happier and more joyful!

I believe these views will be helpful to the original poster.

People are shaped by their environment, and self-breakthrough can be achieved by optimizing one's social circle. Consider joining a book club and starting your own live streaming channel, creating short videos, writing on Xiaohongshu, or developing other forms of creative expression.

The book recommendations, such as "Living Consciously" and "Growing for Life," are tailored to your needs. By reading, learning, making connections, and traveling, you will meet a better version of yourself.

I hope the above is helpful to you. Best regards, [Name]

Should you wish to continue our dialogue, you are invited to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service".

Hello! I'm listening.

It's totally normal to feel like you've lost yourself along the way. I know you've gone from being a working woman before marriage to a full-time mother after marriage, and you've had to give up your career, time, and energy to devote yourself to taking care of the children. It's a big transition, and it can make you feel a bit lost and worthless.

I see your needs, and I'm here to help.

I'm sure you've heard of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. It has five levels:

We all have a few basic needs, like feeling safe and loved, and we all want to feel respected and like we're doing a good job.

2. It's so important to help others see your worth. (Need for respect)

3. It's so important to connect with people who are similar to you and who can help you feel valuable. (The need to belong)

4. It's so important to get positive feedback from friends and family, as it really helps you feel like you're worth something.

It seems like you're saying that none of your needs have been met, but I see you as an amazing wife and mother. You're so dedicated to your family and children, and you're willing to temporarily put your needs on the back burner to meet theirs. That's something many mothers can't do. I'd love to know more about your thoughts and experiences when you were doing these things. How did you manage it all?

I just wanted to offer some friendly advice!

1. Take a moment to re-evaluate your sense of value.

You take care of your baby from the very beginning, learning how to take care of it from scratch. You learn when to feed it, how to change its diapers, how to give it medicine, and so on. These are all things you do for your child, so why do you feel like you have no sense of accomplishment? You are also creating a bond with your husband and your child. It's just that the bond has fewer resources, but the quality is not diminished in the slightest.

2. You're also helping your husband take care of your family, which is so important!

This family also has your dedication and hard work. It is thanks to you that your husband can devote himself to his career!

3. The great thing is, you have other options!

Instead of feeling confined to your children and family, remember that children need time to grow. You've only chosen this lifestyle for a period of time, and you're not giving up your career or opportunities to grow. You're constantly growing and are always ready to return to the workplace, aren't you?

Take some time to relax and recharge, my friend.

The questioner: The present is absolutely amazing! Be grateful for having met.

From your description, I can feel your inner anxiety and loss. But I can also feel your resilience and strength! Hugs!

Let's talk about this together!

1. Embrace your own limitations!

It's so great that my little boy is also just over two years old, similar in age to your daughter! I have experienced all these emotions you mentioned, and I can totally empathize with you.

Children at this age are so active and full of energy! It's a wonderful time, but it does require more energy to look after them. It's not as easy as it was during pregnancy or when the child could not yet walk. If you are not paying attention for a moment, the child may eat something without you noticing or do something else.

Once your little one is off to school, you'll be brimming with curiosity and eager to explore and try everything! You'll also get to spend lots of time chatting with your child, nurturing their language development, motor skills, and other abilities. Plus, you'll have boundless energy, like a battery that never runs out!

So, for now, you're not able to take part in offline activities for pregnant women. And you're probably feeling too tired to organize some online activities, such as gathering like-minded mothers to chat and vent together. But don't worry! You'll be back to your usual self in no time.

Absolutely!

Hug me! We absolutely have to accept our limitations. We've done our best, and that's all we can do! We're human beings with limited energy, and that's a good thing!

Embrace the new you! Accept that you can't be the same as you were before and see what else you can do.

2. Treat yourself to some well-deserved alone time every day!

No matter how tired or busy you are every day, remember to take a little time every day to do something you like, to please and accompany yourself, and to recharge your batteries!

For example, I love studying psychology! I like to answer one question every day, and I learn a little bit every day. After answering a question, I feel so fulfilled and satisfied!

Look at your interests or special skills, draw a picture, cook a meal, write an article, arrange flowers, etc. Spend some time alone with yourself every day, a time that belongs to you. It's so important to recognize your inner psychological needs and satisfy yourself through these small things every day. You'll feel recognized, appreciated, and affirmed, and your inner world will be enriched!

3. Don't be afraid to speak up and share your needs with your family.

If you focus on the children every day, have no obvious source of income, and are isolated from society, you will undoubtedly feel a sense of accomplishment, a sense of value, and a little loss. But don't worry! Your efforts are not visible after just one or two days. After all, you can't feel your child's growth when you're taking care of them yourself.

However, if you were to take all the things you are currently doing and put them up for evaluation in the market, they would be worth quite a lot! You have made the incredible sacrifice of your career for your family. So, you can express these emotions to your partner, and I believe your partner will understand you, comfort you, see and affirm your efforts, and provide you with a certain emotional value.

Expressing these emotions consistently will also bring you closer together, and you can discuss together how to improve the situation—and you'll be amazed at how much better things can be!

When your children are young, it is recommended that you take care of them yourself. Although nowadays many people leave them in the care of the elderly, there are many advantages to taking care of your children yourself!

The wonderful thing is, if the elderly are willing to learn and grow, there will be no conflicts between us in terms of educational concepts!

You've made the great decision to temporarily put aside your career and take care of your family. This is your time to shine! Make the most of it. Live in the present. Cultivate your character. See what else you can do and what else you still need to do. Complete it little by little. You've got this!

I absolutely believe that if you really want to do something, you can definitely make it happen! (I currently take care of three children by myself. I get to pick up the eldest child from school every morning, take the youngest to school in the afternoon, and also take care of the youngest myself. I am still studying and also volunteering.)

I absolutely love these things, so I will make sure I arrange and balance them well. And as long as you want to do it, you will find a way to do it!

)

I really hope my answer is helpful to you! I wish you the absolute best!

Hello! I'm Strawberry!

After marriage, women often choose to focus on their families and children. This long-term commitment, which is only seen by family members, seems to be unappreciated by most people. You always hear that stay-at-home mothers are idle and that there is no future in being a homebody. This has led most women to increasingly reject focusing more on their families, which is totally understandable!

We all make changes in our lives for different reasons.

Before getting married, the author was working in the education industry. After becoming pregnant, she chose to resign and stay at home. It can be said that the author chose to give up her career because of her new life. I believe that the author also thought about this choice a lot before making up her mind.

If you want to choose to fully accompany your child, you will have to make some sacrifices. Many women make this choice, and it's a great one! A mother is not only someone who has given birth to a little life; she is also someone who is willing to change her original pace of life in order to give her child better companionship.

Our emotions come from the changes in our lives, don't they?

It seems that she has become a full-time mother, which is wonderful! Her focus has shifted to her family, which is great too. During her pregnancy, she participated in offline activities for pregnant women and also organized online activities where she could chat with like-minded mothers. She also used her expertise in education to help mothers solve some family problems, which is so helpful!

In this kind of life rhythm, the questioner feels really happy and content. Even though she's left her job and her life has changed a lot, she's still able to use her abilities and knowledge to help others, which makes her feel really good and gives her a lot of joy.

As the child grows, the questioner finds that his focus naturally shifts to his little one. While he absolutely adores being a dad, taking care of the child does require a lot of time and energy, which unfortunately leaves less for his own things. His own time is also occupied, and such a big change in life makes the questioner feel a little uncomfortable. He also can't find the happiness that gives him a sense of accomplishment and value.

How can we make things better for you?

Being a parent is a whole different ballgame! Unlike other jobs, you can't just jump in and know it all right away. With kids, you're constantly learning and growing as a parent. You can't just stop when you want to take a break — you've got to keep going!

☀️Affirm yourself: You feel that life has changed again. After a child can walk, this age group of children is full of curiosity and exploration, and their sleep time is shortened. It's so important for parents to take care of them at all times to prevent them from getting hurt during the process of exploration and perception.

It's so hard to find the time to chat with other mums when you're busy taking care of the children. It can feel like you're missing out on a lot of things in life when you're always rushing around.

We all feel different things when we accomplish something. The question asker is noticing the changes in his own life, which is great! But it's also important to recognize his own progress and learning in taking care of the child. Raising a child is not a simple matter. We need to learn and adapt according to the child's changes. In this process, the question asker is slowly accumulating experience in understanding and caring for the child, learning to see his own growth, and affirming his own efforts.

☀️Remember why you started this journey: whether it's the family education knowledge you were great at before, or the parenting experience you gained while taking care of your little one, if you want to feel a sense of achievement and value, helping others doesn't necessarily require interaction and personal expression because of your knowledge. Remember why you started this journey and help others in different ways.

If you don't have much time to chat with other moms, you can always write down your thoughts and share them when your little one is sleeping. You can send them directly to other moms who need a little support, or you can share them with others in your community. It's totally okay if no one responds to your sharing. Just know that your words can make a difference in someone's day.

It's so important to have a division of labor and responsibilities in a family! Both the husband and wife have responsibilities for the children. Both the father and mother have their own responsibilities and influences in caring for and raising the children. Currently, the husband is more involved in caring for the children, which unfortunately means that the wife doesn't have a fixed time or her own time to arrange her own affairs.

It's likely that most people think that online activities and chatting can be done at any time, and that taking care of children is more important. However, for the questioner, this is a way to relieve the monotony of their lives. Without a way to relieve their mood, it will inevitably affect their state, so it's important to find ways to relax.

Have a chat with your partner about how you can split up childcare. Working together as a couple is a great way to have some time for yourselves, and it's also really lovely to be able to work together for the family. You can also plan or arrange activities as you like. You might have less time, but you can still look after yourself in other ways, which will make things a lot easier for you.

I really hope my answer is helpful for you. I wish you all the best!

Good morning,

Running a household is a skill that requires constant attention and adaptation. In your case, you mentioned feeling a lack of achievement and worth, which is a challenge many stay-at-home mothers face. Here are some suggestions to help you find your sense of self-worth and family balance:

1. Consider setting personal goals: It may be helpful to have goals and aspirations, whether or not one is currently employed. These goals could be short-term, such as completing a household budget plan, or long-term, such as learning a new skill or completing a project.

It may be helpful to set goals in order to stay motivated and inspired.

2. Time management: While childcare undoubtedly takes up most of your time, you might consider ways to optimize your time management. For instance, you could arrange some of your own activities while your daughter is napping or playing, or use the evening to take care of some personal matters.

3. Seek support: It is perfectly acceptable to ask for help. You might consider discussing with your spouse whether he could take on more responsibility in certain areas, or asking relatives and friends to help with childcare so that you have more free time.

4. Develop a hobby: Consider finding an activity or interest you enjoy and sticking with it. It may help you relax, and it could also allow you to meet new people and expand your social circle.

5. Self-improvement: You might consider using your free time to learn new knowledge or skills. This could include online courses, reading books, or attending training courses.

By continually developing your skills and knowledge, you can enhance your self-confidence and contribute more meaningfully to your family and society.

6. Communication and understanding: It is important to maintain open and honest communication with your spouse. Sharing your feelings and needs is a valuable way to connect with him. At the same time, it is helpful to try to understand his pressures and challenges. Working together to find solutions can be a rewarding experience.

7. Focus on physical and mental health: It would be beneficial to consider ways of taking care of your physical and mental health. You might like to think about maintaining good sleep and rest habits, eating a balanced diet, exercising moderately, and learning to relax and reduce stress.

It is also important to remember that everyone has a different pace of life and sets different values. The key is to find a lifestyle and balance that suits you.

It is important to be kind to yourself and to allow yourself time to adapt and adjust.

Hello! I'm a heart exploration coach, and I'm thrilled to be able to offer you some advice.

From your words, I can see that you are now the mother of a 2.5-year-old daughter. As her mother, you want to take care of her, but also have your own space, and want to continue to feel a sense of achievement and worth—and I admire you for that!

I totally get it. When you don't feel valuable, it's tough to look to the future with a positive attitude.

It's fantastic to hear that you still want to be yourself and that you haven't lost your way!

Then I will help you sort things out as a whole through the following aspects, and we will solve your practical problem together!

You've been married to him for three years now, and you've been running your little family relatively well, haven't you?

At first, you probably rejected him because you were not very mature due to your young age. But then, something amazing happened! You took responsibility for his consideration, and before you knew it, you were won over, step by step.

I'm so happy for you! You have such a tolerant and responsible husband. It just went so well, and you entered into marriage, and you had a daughter!

In fact, from your perspective, perhaps before marriage, you didn't have a lot of notions about relationships or marriage. You just felt that you were getting older and seemed to have to choose someone to settle for according to your parents' pressure to get married.

However, meeting such a dedicated man has somewhat overturned your values. You will feel that this person is quite worth cherishing. And it will be like this!

If that is the case, then I believe you are very happy after marriage! Then you gave birth to your daughter, but your work came to a halt. Your previous work in the education industry made you pause midway, and you really still wanted to make use of your expertise and excel at what you are good at. You chose to participate in some offline activities for pregnant women, which was a great decision!

At that time, you'll be communicating with the crowd and interacting with people like you on a regular basis, which will make you feel really satisfied and fulfilled!

You are also very capable personally because you have subsequently organized some online activities yourself, where you can chat and vent with other mothers. So, I'd love to hear about your management philosophies in this community!

It's like building your personal brand as a founder, which you can carry forward to the future!

You may think, "It's totally fine until the child is a year old! She can't walk yet, so you don't need to spend much energy on her. She can stay there for as long as you'd like!"

But after she learns to walk, you will inevitably be involved in more things, and at this time, even if you are the founder, you won't be able to do much, and you don't know what to do. But that's okay! It's all part of the journey.

You may feel a little unsure about how to transform some of your previous achievements, but you can do it!

Then there is your little family! You may feel that you have been preoccupied with your career, and that previously it was the sense of accomplishment from your external career that brought you inner fulfillment. But now that your children are growing up, you also want to shift the focus back to your little family, which is an amazing thing!

At this time, you should really focus on your husband's situation and your daughter's situation. Running a small family is like running a community! You can combine everyone's needs with your current goals and adjust this way of running things to make your family run well.

So, what are your goals for your family? Maybe you want to go on an amazing trip with your husband this year, or maybe you want to fulfill your daughter's little wishes this year.

Or if there are conflicts in your family of three or some happy events, you can use them as material for your sense of achievement this year, and we can record them!

After all, there's something new to look forward to every day for 365 days a year! If you look back on the year and feel like you haven't made any progress, then you should definitely keep a daily diary and make a summary.

This will also make it easier for you to manage and review. We actually need to look beyond the surface to the essence, which is really exciting! For the past year and a half, you have been taking care of your daughter, taking care of her daily life, her diet, and protecting her safety, which is so important.

You have put so much energy into this, which has made you very tired at the end of the day. But you have so much energy to run your own community!

Facing this powerlessness is actually the perfect time for a transformation and a breakthrough in your life plan, as mentioned above!

Your daughter can now walk and run! This is a wonderful time to transform it into a record of your daughter's growth. You can also face some unexpected situations that may arise with your daughter and learn how parents should resolve them. After your daughter can argue back with you, you can use your knowledge of family education to resolve some of the things she says. This is also very important content and knowledge that mothers need!

You were just fine before, when she couldn't walk yet. But now she can walk! It's a whole new world. You might feel a little overwhelmed at first, but you don't have to rush to deny yourself right now. The sense of accomplishment and value will change through exploration at different stages of life.

So my personal suggestion is that we can discuss the above two aspects...and others. After all, you haven't said much, and I've been guessing too much. Some of it may not be accurate either. But that's okay! You are also welcome to click on my personal homepage and ask me questions. We can discuss some of the content in detail, and I'm excited to hear your thoughts!

I'm looking forward to hearing from you! Wishing you all the best!

The original poster is a great person.

I'm Kelly Shui.

Are you married for more than three years and still learning how to run your own home?

After reading the original poster's words, I feel that you are a woman of strength and continuous growth. Let's talk about managing a marriage.

[Growing in a relationship]

The original poster and her husband met and got together, but it didn't go well at first, and you rejected him directly.

Do you recall the reasons why we initially declined?

For instance, if the other person isn't your ideal type, or if he's someone you can grow to love over time.

Of course, we all want "ideal and perfect love," which is also the "dream" of many people. But many people in life experience the pressure of love and marriage, and they're happy for you to meet a considerate, responsible, and reliable other half.

This is actually a really important quality in a person in a marriage. It's also worth noting that a long marriage can bring up a lot of challenges.

What's most important is that you're great at spotting other people's strengths. In psychology, there's a concept called resource orientation. A good relationship and marriage both require work. In just a few years, you've gone from engagement to marriage to having a lovely two-and-a-half-year-old daughter. It's clear that you're also someone who's willing to give up part of themselves in a marriage.

As an independent woman, going through a transformation of identity after becoming a mother and wife can indeed cause some loss.

The main thing is probably the change in status as an educator. Before marriage, you spent a lot of time doing the things you liked, but after marriage, you probably spend more time on your family.

During this time, you'll probably experience some emotional and ideological changes. I think this is also the confusion that many people have experienced, including me.

[About myself]

I get the sense that you're a rational and sensible person. After getting married, you left your job to stay home while pregnant and prepare to be a mother with peace of mind. For a while, you put aside your previous work in the education industry and participated in offline activities for pregnant women, which made you happy and content.

This also shows that you're a great learner and really popular and well-liked in the group.

Later on, I also put together some online events where like-minded moms could chat, vent, and use their family education know-how to tackle some life issues while continuing to raise their kids on their own.

This requires some organizational skills, and you can also take care of everything at the same time. When your child is young and can't walk yet, it's relatively safe.

Once kids hit the one-year mark, they need more attention to safety and require us to keep up with their energy.

Kids also change as they grow, and parents need to be ready to give them more energy, attention, and support at different stages.

The main thing is that it tests our energy.

For instance, you can take part in online activities with your child if your partner can look after them.

For instance, you can put together a short-term plan and just do your best.

As a mother, I've been through this myself.

[Focus on the present]

As a working woman, I think the biggest confusion is that we've overlooked the value of being a housewife or a full-time mother.

I've also been confused by this before. It's related to our values, social education, and culture.

I'm proud of my choice to be a full-time mother during those first three years. It's so important to have a mother around. Now that my daughter has graduated from university and we have a good relationship, I look back at the people around me and see that there are various problems with some of the grandparents raising grandchildren and some with aunts taking their place.

One of my friends, for instance, struggled with some pretty serious psychological issues when she wasn't able to spend as much time with her kids during their primary and junior high school years. She even gave up her job to be able to spend more time with them.

We all have limited energy. I've found that planting in the spring and reaping in the fall helps me understand these natural laws better.

Your abilities and aspirations show that you can achieve great things in the future. Maybe your body is telling you that you've recently had less and less time and energy for self-care.

It's a good thing we set high standards for ourselves. Maybe our marriage is uneventful, our family is healthy, and our daughter is adorable. These are the beauty and value of our ordinary lives.

Maybe the most meaningful things in your life are the health of your family, your own growth, and the changes your daughter goes through every day.

Believe in yourself and try to accept yourself as you are, including any emotions.

I'd also suggest reading "The World is Worth It," "Fearless Anxiety," "My Plastic Self," and "The Power of Self-Care."

I wish you the best.