He's different to me than before. How to handle interpersonal relationships?

A big hug for the person asking the question!

We interact with each other at work.

I met a colleague who was really enthusiastic about me. I found him annoying and I became cold towards him.

After spending time together, I think he's not bad, but he often speaks in a strange way.

He gets along well with other colleagues, which makes me jealous.

✍️He often hangs out with other colleagues...➡️I get jealous

‼️ Typically, when we're getting along with someone, we're sometimes active and sometimes passive, alternating between the two. Sometimes we actively try to give up, and sometimes we passively accept that we need to give up.

From what the topic starter said about this interaction, you can tell that I've always been passive. When the wind moves, I move; when the wind keeps moving, I keep moving; when the wind stops moving, I stop moving.

I may take my time getting to know someone, but once I approve of someone, I want good communication and to get along with them, and I care about every move they make.

‼ If someone is rude to me, I'll be upset and angry, but I won't tell them directly. I hope they understand. Maybe they'll think it's okay to speak that way if I don't react to it.

Or he's just not that into it, so he doesn't notice your behavior.

He and his colleagues often go out and have fun without inviting me, and I'm not happy about it. (Ask yourself, if you want to go with them, take some action and initiative. Next time, talk to your colleagues directly and say that you want to go too. If you didn't want to go in the first place, allow yourself to be a little upset for a few minutes. It will pass. Go do what you like.)

The old me and the current me

I used to be helpful at work. I was helpful to all my colleagues, or just that one colleague.

I'm not in the mood to help anyone right now. Are you not in the mood to help all your colleagues or just that one colleague?

If it's the former, then it's your job to do a good job at work. You should do your job with due diligence, and deliver the required quality and quantity, or even exceed expectations. Anything outside of your job description is up to you.

To be frank, if you want to do it, go for it. If you don't want to do it, don't do it.

It's all reasonable and normal.

If it's all the latter, it's just that colleague.

The person asking the question is really invested in this.

I suggest that the questioner ask himself/herself if he/she wants to continue to improve the relationship with his/her colleague. If so, take the initiative to act. Communicate face-to-face more often, participate in activities together more often, and express your feelings and mood at the time more often. After spending more time together, will you find common interests, or will you disagree because your paths diverge? Will you have nothing to talk about, or will he never understand what I'm saying? Will you always be out of his sight, or will I be the one to fetch him water when he's thirsty? Will I be the only one you care about, or...

??The questioner needs to clear their mind and think about what they really want.

I love you, and I think the world of you, too.

At first, he was quite nice to you, but then his attitude changed. He has some strange ideas that make you feel strange, and at the same time, he has other good colleagues, making you feel like you're not the one being spoiled. But you know what? That's okay! It's all part of the journey.

This may make you feel a bit lost, uncomfortable, and even a little bad about it. But it's also a great opportunity to learn more about yourself and grow! They will also often hang out together, and no matter what they do, they will always be happy to be with friends.

He's a totally different person now! So, how should you handle your relationship with him?

He is enthusiastic about you! You find him annoying, but you're still excited to see him. You're a little cold towards him, but you're sure he'll warm up to you soon.

He's a bit of a character, isn't he? You're not quite sure what to make of him. He's got you feeling all kinds of emotions! Anger, frustration, and even a hint of jealousy. But, you know what? He's got a lot going on, and you admire that. So, you're going to ignore him and focus on your own

➕➕➕➕enthusiasm

➕➕➕➕ Jealousy

You may also envy that kind of happiness. Who wouldn't want to be happy? You may also have some strange thoughts after spending so much time together, wanting to have a better relationship with your colleagues.

☪️☪️☪️☪️ You will not be popular in the workplace, nor will you be overly aloof or marginalized — but that's okay!

It's time to embrace your current attitude and deal with things your way!

Let it happen naturally!

They have their happiness, and you are still unhappy. But guess what? Life and work without him also feel very boring. It's like your life has become a pool of stagnant water without any vitality.

Once upon a time, you were always willing to help others whenever they asked. But now, you're ready for a change! You've learned so much, and you're excited to put your newfound knowledge to use. You're no longer willing to be a fool, a live-and-let-live person, or to please people.

You have to go! Times have changed, and it's an exciting time to be alive. Even if you don't want to help anyone with anything, that's fine. No one will blame you. Public taste is like a circle; it goes to the extreme and then comes back, so embrace the change!

Five years ago, people probably liked independent people, but now they may prefer the sweetheart guru persona. Your colleague wants you to help so that they can have a better rest. It's understandable that you don't want to let someone down and refuse—but you can do it!

But your conscience may have a slight tremor, very subtle. As for how to handle this kind of thing, maybe next time you will also think about other people's feelings before refusing, or evaluate whether the mutual feelings and colleague friendship are worth a helping hand. It depends on how much you value the colleague friendship. I wish you well!

ZQ?

I'll give you a warm hug. I know this is a tough one. I've been there! Here are a few suggestions that might help:

It's totally normal for things to be a bit awkward when you first meet a colleague. They're really enthusiastic about you, but you're not quite feeling it the other way. It's okay! This happens a lot and is very normal.

It's totally normal to have different feelings towards our colleagues. We might like some more than others, or feel differently about them at different times. There's no right or wrong way to feel about them.

When it comes to getting along with colleagues, I think it's really important to try to understand and respect your own feelings. It's so important to please yourself!

If you have any internal conflicts, such as when they go out for a playdate and don't invite you, you can take the initiative to communicate. It's totally fine! If they don't mind too much, they can even bring you along. Don't set any limits for yourself.

If they don't agree to take you with them, that's okay! Just express your desire to get along with them and extend an invitation to hang out together sometime.

If a colleague asks you to cover for them when they go out, you can help out if you like, or refuse if you don't. It's totally up to you!

It's totally okay to feel envious or jealous sometimes. It's a normal feeling, and you're allowed to have it. There's no need to feel like you have to hide it or feel ashamed. We're all just ordinary people, and we all have a range of different emotions.

As for helping each other out in daily life, if it's a small favor, there's absolutely nothing wrong with lending a hand! This will give you more opportunities to interact with your colleagues, and by communicating more and offering more help, you will definitely get along better and better.

It's clear you value this colleague who initially made a good impression on you. If it's convenient, you can talk to him, invite him to dinner or tea, and chat about how much you appreciate him. It's also a great idea to start fresh with a new friendship.

In all kinds of relationships, it's so important to remember that you are the most important person in the world. Don't compromise yourself to meet other people's expectations.

Loving yourself is something you learn throughout your life. And it's okay if you don't feel like you've got it all figured out yet! We're all learning and growing, and that's a beautiful thing. The most important thing is to accept yourself, because when you do, you can better accept the good and the bad in others. It's not a big deal, and you've got this! Just remember that it's important to take care of yourself first.

Hello!

You've asked a question that often comes up in life.

I admire your awareness and introspection!

I'd be happy to go over this with you.

1. Compare your own and your colleague's models.

People approach meeting new people differently.

This colleague is very enthusiastic about you when you first meet.

At first, I found him annoying and was cold towards him. You can see if you are reserved towards someone you just met and think it's not too late to become warm and friendly.

You may believe that time reveals a person's heart.

After spending time together, you think he's nice and want to be nice to him, but realize he's different with you.

This is a common sign of two people out of sync.

One person wants to be friendly, but the other isn't.

You feel he says strange things.

Identifying a problem is the first step to change.

2. About relationships with others.

Read the book What Other People Do to You Is What You Teach Them if you're interested.

All relationships are conspiracies.

If you have a problem with someone, look at what you did.

See things from the other person's perspective.

When I first started, I was excited about the other person, but they were cold.

Try to understand him.

See, hear, and feel with other people's eyes, ears, and hearts.

Changing perspectives helps us understand ourselves and others.

He gets along with another colleague, and we could have been just as good.

Do you feel bad?

Know your emotions and desires. You also want a good relationship with your colleagues and to go out with them.

Good relationships make us happy and help us feel like we belong. It's worth trying to have better relationships.

3. Take action.

To have the relationships you want, take action.

Does that colleague trust others?

He's not worried about gains and losses and has better relationships.

We can also make changes on our own.

Can I help a colleague in trouble?

Do it because you want to, not because you have to.

It's okay to rest and not help.

Helping others is an art. People are willing to help each other.

If you always refuse help, you may alienate people.

Or when you want to build a deeper relationship, you can ask for help and let others do you a favor.

Asking for help is easy.

People are more willing to accept smaller, easier requests. Once they accept smaller requests, they slowly accept larger ones. This is the impact of the "threshold effect" on people.

I believe that to have better relationships, you must be sincere, respectful, and express yourself.

Just share.

Best wishes!

From what you've told me, there are two issues you need to resolve. First, you want to return to the beginning of your relationship with a colleague who once pursued you.

Secondly, when he gave up pursuing you and changed into another persona, it had a negative impact on your relationship with other colleagues. You want to seek an appropriate solution.

Let's tackle the second question first. This will help you gain a deeper understanding of your own heart.

After reading your argument, I am convinced that you have been led into a strange interpersonal relationship by that person. First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you not doing someone else's work. The person who's work it is should do it.

There's no reason to do it for someone else. When he was rejected after making the request and then showed dissatisfaction, it was the person making the request who had a problem. There are often such people in the workplace.

If you don't complete what you should do and let someone else do it for you, and then you are rejected, you will turn your dissatisfaction into ill will towards the other person. You will also speak to her in a strange way.

Dealing with this type of person is simple. Avoid them altogether. There's no need to engage in a head-on conflict. Just respond tactfully, and they'll have nothing to say. Even if they're dissatisfied, they won't have a leg to stand on.

1. Tell the other person that you have other things scheduled for that day. You have things to do too, so there's no need for you to complete his work.

2. State that you are not feeling well and require medical attention. This is a valid reason to decline.

3. State that you have to work overtime, that you haven't finished your own work yet, and that you can bring your work forward appropriately. Alternatively, you can finish the follow-up work on that day and then take a compensatory day off.

This is related to the company's system and must be handled with flexibility.

4. Give and take. When they ask you to do something extra, do the same for them.

In other words, everyone gives and takes. If you don't help me, I won't help you.

In summary, when others ask you to do something you shouldn't do, you must refuse. Otherwise, they will exploit you.

Avoid direct conflict. Otherwise, they'll take advantage of you.

When others know you're not a pushover and that there's a price to pay for getting you to do things.

They will actively dispel the idea of you doing things for them because they won't get any advantages.

You should also get along with everyone in your day-to-day work. Treat your colleagues who are more friendly to you the same way.

This will ensure that people don't think you're selfish or unfriendly when you deal with those who try to take advantage of you.

They will think you are a person of principle!

Now that we know how to deal with such a colleague, let's analyze the male colleague you mentioned at the beginning.

As a man, you should be confident enough to express your lack of interest in a woman you like. Simply changing your demeanor is enough to prove the problem with that person's character. Do you still believe you were right not to choose him in the first place?

Any man with an open heart will not do anything to harm someone he likes. He will not pursue her, but seal away his feelings. He will not bother her, and even help her when she needs it. He will not look for ways to suppress you. He will not use other people's relationships to cause you trouble.

After all this, do you still think you're being jealous? Do you understand that just because someone is kind to you, it doesn't mean they feel anything but kindness towards you?

It is crucial to understand that prey is never protected by the hunter. This concept applies to the world of relationships as well.

You need to mature. You need to understand yourself, in the workplace and in your romantic life.

Know right from wrong. Evaluate things and feelings objectively, not just the attitudes of individuals or small groups.

When others are friendly to you, be friendly to them in return. When others intend to take advantage of you, don't avoid them. Confront them head-on and show them that you're not someone they can afford to offend.

Intrigues in the workplace are like a ball being kicked around. You must learn to recognize when to catch it and how to do so. The complexity of the human mind often exceeds our imagination, but you can study it enough to succeed.

If you are not good at managing interpersonal relationships, you should take more courses like this one.

You must face yourself squarely. You are not wrong. Be strong and face it calmly.

You must also consider the other person's point of view and their motives. This will help you respond to the situation effectively.

Stay away from people and things that make you unhappy. Stay close to those who make you happy. Happiness is simple!

Hello, I'm Flower.

In light of the questioner's concerns about interpersonal relationships, it might be helpful to take a moment to identify the emotions and challenges that are present in these relationships.

It might be helpful to consider some ways to deal with emotions.

You might want to consider trying mindfulness meditation.

When we notice that we have thoughts and emotions about things, we can try to approach them with a sense of calm and acceptance. We can close our eyes and imagine that we are by a lake. We can imagine those thoughts as little boats, and let them float back and forth on the lake surface. We can allow ourselves to observe them without judgment.

It might be helpful to consider the three elements of mindfulness: being aware, not judging, and focusing on the present. Perhaps in the experience of mindfulness, one can more calmly accept those emotions and things, and accept oneself.

It is also important to consider the underlying needs and expectations that may be influencing our emotions.

If I may inquire further, what other emotions did you experience?

"I was at a loss for words and felt a certain degree of anger, but I wasn't sure how to respond to him. I simply ignored him, but he continued talking. And now he is getting along well with another colleague, but I feel like I'll be jealous."

I'm unsure how to respond to the other person. There may be a hope that you can respond to the other person, or a hope that what the other person says will make us feel less speechless. I'm jealous of his good relationship with other colleagues. What expectations do you have? It may be that you expect him to be as enthusiastic as before.

"In the past, I would typically offer assistance to others when they requested it. However, recently, I've found myself reluctant to help with anything. I'm curious if I've crossed a line. Today, a colleague asked me to help another colleague with a task tomorrow morning. I believe they may have been out partying the night before and would prefer to rest the next morning, so I politely declined. I also desire some rest, but afterwards, I felt uneasy about my decision. I'm uncertain if they were disappointed because I have no commitments for tomorrow, but I'm not covering for the other person."

From my perspective, it seems that the questioner is experiencing a certain inner conflict. On the one hand, they have their own needs and desires, and on the other, they feel a sense of self-blame after satisfying their own needs and refusing to help others. However, it's important to recognize that their own needs are also valid and important. There is nothing wrong with having one's own needs and desires.

It may be helpful for the questioner to consider balancing the relationship between the two, and to think about how to help others while also making themselves happy. If helping others is based on your own unhappiness, you might like to consider satisfying your own needs first.

I wonder if I might suggest the ABC theory of emotions, belief substitution.

The questioner wonders if there might be a connection between the idea that "I don't want to help anyone do anything" and the belief that they are being unreasonable.

This may be an unreasonable belief. Perhaps it would be helpful to try replacing it with a more reasonable belief.

For instance, the reluctance to help others might stem from the fact that one has one's own needs that require attention.

# Interpersonal relationships: Consider expressing your feelings sincerely.

The questioner believes the colleague is nice, so it might be a good idea to tell him that and praise him. If you feel that the other person is a bit strange, you could also ask him in a tactful way what happened and why his attitude has changed. Communication between people is mutual, and there needs to be give and take. It is also difficult to reconcile a person's enthusiasm with another person's indifference.

They often spend time together and don't invite me. I understand it's normal, but I still feel a bit left out. I also feel like I'm not the same person I used to be.

If you feel unhappy, it might be helpful to express your needs. If the questioner wants to hang out with colleagues, you could consider joining them. In interpersonal communication, it could be beneficial to learn to express yourself. (PS: You might find it helpful to express your needs more, and ask for less.)

I would like to suggest the following books for your consideration: "The Power of Organizing Emotions," "Psychology of Interpersonal Communication," and "Nonviolent Communication."

It is my sincere hope that the above sharing will prove helpful to the questioner, and I wish you well.

Hello, question asker! I've read your text and I'm glad I did. This is about an interpersonal problem with colleagues. I'm Tianya, the answer provider.

My areas of expertise are romantic relationships, parenting, and interpersonal relationships. I am happy to answer your questions.

First, you said, "A colleague was enthusiastic when we met, but I found him annoying and cold. After getting to know him, I found him quite nice. He's different, though, and often says strange things I don't know how to respond to. I don't know if he's joking."

From this description, I can tell you still care about this relationship. You now recognize the other person's character or personality, and they recognize you in return. The only issue is the other person's attitude towards you has changed.

Secondly, he is now on good terms with another colleague, but I know I will be jealous. They often go out together and don't invite me. I know this is normal, but I still feel unhappy.

From this description, it's clear you're envious of this kind of friendship. Research shows that people who express their inner thoughts in social situations and act in accordance with their words have a higher subjective sense of well-being. They also score higher in social interactions and are less likely to experience conflicts. (Human L et al., 2019)

Look at the changes in you. In the past, I would help anyone who asked. Now, I don't want to help anyone with anything. Have I gone too far?

That colleague told me today to help another colleague work tomorrow morning. They went out to play at night and wanted to rest the next morning, so I told them no.

I am convinced that relationships and emotions between people are fluid. When you give to others, you also receive recognition and gratitude, which is the flow of emotions!

It also gives you a chance to communicate with them. I think you should try it.

Then, look at your emotions. I also want to take a break, but I know that's not right.

Look at them and know that they are unhappy too. I have nothing to do tomorrow, but I'm not working for someone else.

You can also feel your hesitation from this text. Everyone has their own emotions, and there is no right or wrong when it comes to emotions. Accept your emotions, allow yourself to have these thoughts, and then deal with things again.

I'd like to know what social skills I should use.

1. Find common ground.

It is a simple fact that we always prefer people who are similar to us. When you communicate with others and expand your friends, you should always try to start by finding common ground between the two sides. For example:

1) A common language or dialect.

2) The region where you lived and grew up.

3) Similar educational and professional experiences.

4) Similar interests and habits.

5) Share your views and opinions on social issues.

❤️2. Give more. Help the people you meet by giving. It's a great way to go about it.

This will help people get to know you quickly and give you a good social evaluation, which will spread your influence.

For example,

Answer the questions you can answer.

Help others. Do something small.

Mediate and reconcile conflicts when they arise.

Consider things from other people's perspectives.

Share your insights, experiences, and knowledge to help others.

These are all excellent ways to bring people closer together. I encourage you to try them.