How can I be true to myself and care less about what other people think?

The person who posted the message seems to have a high level of self-awareness. They care about what other people think, and they seem to avoid conflict when faced with it. This may result in feelings of failure.

In light of the aforementioned challenges, it is my hope that the following insights might offer some inspiration as you navigate these difficulties.

1. It may be helpful to try to understand and accept your behavior first, and then seek breakthroughs and changes.

When we believe we are a failure, we may find ourselves experiencing a strong negative attack directed at ourselves, which could potentially limit our ability to address the real problems we face.

Perhaps if we could see that this behavior has helped you avoid harm for a period of time, or even a long time, and that you have the opportunity to see your own shortcomings because of external evaluations, we could more fully see the impact this behavior has had on you.

Similarly, just as clothes that were once warm and cozy may no longer fit as well or be in season when summer comes or we grow up, it's important to recognize that they still have value.

I believe that understanding and accepting your actions is an important first step towards seeking a breakthrough and change.

2. Try to understand the extent to which you are influenced by the opinions of others and see if you can make your life easier.

As a social species, it is in our nature to care about what others think. This concern is an important part of our survival.

One of the main reasons why this is an issue nowadays is that the degree of measurement is perhaps greater than we can personally bear.

I believe the same principle can be applied to how much we care about what other people think of us.

For this reason, it is possible to make a conscious distinction. In order to do so, it is helpful to consider various aspects of life, such as

In the context of one's professional life, it is important to consider how one presents oneself and the impact this has on others.

Appearance is another area where we can make conscious choices.

Perhaps we could consider the interpersonal aspects?

In considering the various dimensions of life, such as work, appearance, interpersonal relationships, family, income, manner of speech, and behavior, it becomes evident that family is a significant aspect of our lives.

Income is another area where we may wish to consider making some changes.

One might also consider manner of speech and behavior.

...

I hope that by considering these various aspects of life, you will be able to think more rationally about the extent and direction of your concern about other people's opinions. This may help you to achieve a more relaxed state of mind.

3. It might be helpful to learn more about conflict management in order to deal with conflicts more calmly.

It could be said that conflict often evokes a sense of danger.

And this danger may cause people to respond in ways that are not always constructive, such as fighting, running away, or freezing.

It is also worth noting that different coping styles may have biological and evolutionary significance.

It is also worth noting that the questioner has developed effective strategies for avoiding conflict, which have likely been shaped by past experiences.

If we become too accustomed to a particular way of dealing with conflict and are unable to find a resolution, we may find ourselves in a challenging situation. Our minds may also feel a sense of imbalance.

"If you are in a challenging financial situation, it might be helpful to consider making some changes." "If you make changes, you may gain a deeper understanding."

The fact that the original poster is dissatisfied with the current situation presents an opportunity for growth and change. By imitating, learning from, and modifying our conflict responses in one or two small ways with one or two close people around us, we can better navigate the conflict scenarios that often arise in our lives.

It is my sincere hope that the above sharing will be an inspiration to you.

I am a psychologist who focuses on the emotional aspects of human nature rather than exploring it in depth. I wish you well.

Hello!

You care what others think, avoid conflict, and feel like a failure. You're dissatisfied with yourself and blame yourself.

I praise you for perceiving yourself well and wanting to change. It's not terrible to be approaching 30 and still like this. What's terrible is not perceiving it and not wanting to change.

Caring about other people's opinions

When we are young, we don't understand the world or ourselves. We rely on others to help us understand ourselves. Every child cares about their parents, teachers, and friends.

As we grow up, we understand the world and ourselves better. We stop caring about other people's opinions.

You care about other people's opinions because you haven't set your own standards yet. How do you do that?

Focus on yourself. Think about whether others' comments are true. What are their thoughts?

Other people's opinions of you may not be true or may be influenced by their own prejudices. Once you understand this, you can care less about other people's opinions and pay more attention to your own heart.

Avoiding conflict

Conflict is tense and uses up our energy. We avoid it because we're afraid and think we don't have enough energy to deal with it.

Take time to understand how you feel in conflicts. Do you worry you can't argue well or that expressing your feelings will give others a bad impression?

Observe those around you who are in conflict with others. Ask yourself what the worst outcome would be if you got into a conflict with someone.

Conflicts aren't as scary as you think.

About yourself

If you care what others think and are afraid of conflict, it's because you don't believe in yourself and worry that others won't like you.

If you express yourself sincerely, others will treat you sincerely in return. If you find it difficult to express your true self, you can start with someone you trust.

Focus on your strengths. When you're honest and true, praise yourself. Write down your strengths and read them often to boost your confidence.

You can find self-confidence courses and articles on the Yi Xinli platform. You can also read books like "The Courage to Be Disliked," "Inferiority and Transcendence," "I'm Really Great," and "Raising Your Inner Child."

I'm Haru Aoki. I love you.

Hello, questioner!

I'm glad you asked this question. It's a very good one. Although it's short, it's very common.

You're absolutely right. We all care about what others think of us because deep down we long to be praised, affirmed, and recognized. This is often what keeps us going.

But perhaps because in our early years, when we needed praise and recognition, we thought we did a good job but didn't get the affirmation we deserved, we began to doubt ourselves. We had to ask ourselves: "How am I really doing? Am I doing a good job? Am I really capable?"

You will have doubts, but you can look at yourself in a positive light.

And at some point, we get good grades or do something that makes our family happy, and we get affirmation and praise.

Over time, we lose the ability to judge whether we are being good or bad to ourselves. It's ridiculous that when I think I'm doing well, there is no praise, but when I'm doing something else, adults say I'm great.

You are right. We fall into what you described, a sense of "being bound." Our good and bad are determined by external judgments, and our true desire for recognition cannot be confirmed.

The child's desire to show off generates a mother's wish for pleasure. When her hesitation is not reciprocated, the mother's self-esteem decreases. This leads to the child's narcissistic need for confirmation, or lack thereof.

It is crucial to recognize these needs as much as it is to provide warmth and nourishment to a child.

Let me be clear: seeking a sense of confirmation is a normal psychological need for children. Only by obtaining a stable sense of confirmation can we help build self-confidence and gain a high sense of self-esteem.

Otherwise, they will be lost in the selective confirmation of their parents and unable to understand. They will also choose to avoid conflicts or stick up for themselves when they should.

Our survival instinct protects us from conflict. We also lack a sense of self-affirmation. Frustration that goes unacknowledged becomes an unshakable shadow in our lives.

We must accept that we can fail without being bad.

The desire for recognition and appreciation is not a bad thing. It is important to be aware that no matter what, I can have faith in myself and a sense of confirmation that "I am fine."

This is not an easy task. It requires an exploratory process. Or it can be done in counseling. In counseling, the counselor's response and empathy can make the client feel understood and affirmed. This can then lead to a transformative internalization and the growth of a new function, making the self more cohesive and stable.

I wish everyone who is tirelessly exploring and moving forward on the road to growth would become the person they want to be!

You're welcome!

Hello, host! I'm July, and I'm so happy to be here!

After reading your description, I totally get what you're asking. I'd even go as far as to give you a hug in the fourth dimension!

From what you've told me, it seems like you care a lot about what others think of you. I can see how that might make you feel bound and over-sensitive in your interactions with others. It's totally normal to put the needs of others first and not your own, especially when you're as kind and thoughtful as you are!

Caring about what others think can sometimes show that you don't like yourself very much. It's okay to focus on others sometimes! But it can also show that you don't quite trust yourself. It's natural to be afraid that your friends won't like you. We've all been there! So you try to please them and get along with them, rather than being yourself.

It's actually a great thing for you to be aware of your current problems! It means you'll be able to make some changes accordingly. So, just give yourself some time to slowly make changes.

I've also put together a few tips to help you out. I really hope they'll be helpful!

(1) Try to value your own feelings and thoughts. You are the most important person in your own life, not anyone else.

(2) You've got this! Try to be yourself and believe that there will always be people who like you. Don't just blindly try to satisfy your friends' needs and ignore your own.

(3) Give yourself more trust! You have your own bright spots, and you'll attract many people to be with you.

(4) Don't be afraid to make changes! Your friends will stick by you no matter what. Even if you make a big change, your friends who like you will still love you.

(5) "The Courage to Be Disliked" and "The Courage to Be Happy" are two excellent books. If you get the chance, I highly recommend reading them. I believe they will give you a different experience.

I love you, world! And I love you too!

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, I'm Jiang 61.

Thank you for trusting us with your needs and for hoping that we can help you. You ask, "How can I be true to myself and not care so much about what other people think?"

Let's dive in and explore how to be true to yourself. We'll start with personality.

My opinion is as follows:

1. What do you think?

Character

You consider yourself to be sensitive, and you care about other people's opinions. You avoid conflicts and don't insist on yourself.

I feel like a failure at 30 years old.

I am not a failure at 30 years old.

I want to be true to myself and not care so much about what other people think.

She is self-possessed and not concerned about what others think.

2. From what I can see,

Personality

You are a timid, cautious girl with low self-esteem, weak, insecure, and unable to have your own opinions.

Your description leads me to believe you have a melancholic personality.

2. Analysis

Given the limited information you have provided, there is a possibility that the analysis may be inaccurate. However, I am confident that I can make some informed assumptions based on your introduction and my observations and guesses. I believe that your personality is related to the following factors:

1. The influence of the original family

You are timid and cautious.

You make a point of noting that when you interact with others, you pay close attention to what they say. It's clear from your description of your upbringing that your parents were very dominant and rejected your ideas when you were young. You were often scolded and criticized.

You don't speak up much or act boldly because you're afraid of offending them and getting into trouble. This has made you timid and cautious.

Low self-esteem and insecurity are your enemies.

The word "exceptionally" indicates that you have very low self-esteem and a submissive, pleasing personality. You are very sensitive and care about other people's comments and opinions. You fear that they will say bad things about you, look down on you, and stay away from you.

Your parents ignored you, didn't care about you, and didn't protect you. You feel extremely insecure, just as you did when you were a child.

You don't have your own opinions.

Children who are often criticized and blamed by their parents will have low self-esteem and lack confidence from an early age. This is why you are often afraid to stand up for yourself when faced with conflict.

You believe you are not good enough and have an "if... then..." mindset. Consequently, you avoid conflict subconsciously.

This is a scene that often played out in your life in your original family: if you did anything, you were punished. This paradigm is deeply imprinted in your mind, and it automatically jumps out and directs your actions when you encounter similar scenarios.

Your original family has damaged you to the extent that you are afraid to have your own thoughts and opinions. This has resulted in social phobia.

2. It's your character.

These external manifestations are an integral part of your character. People with a melancholic personality type

You are thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and driven by a pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty.

You have many strengths, including being sensitive, loyal, talented, and insightful.

You have weaknesses: you are stubborn, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, and passive.

These behaviors are a result of your personality.

3. Change yourself.

1. Accept yourself, no matter what.

Forget the past.

Stop letting your parents' criticism and accusations get to you. You are good enough. Forget about "if... then..." thinking. It's holding you back.

Those were just temporary measures you took when you were a child and your abilities weren't enough to support you being yourself. You will change as your awareness and abilities improve.

Accept yourself.

You have already begun to recognize your inner shortcomings in your self-account. Now, accept your past. Make peace with your past self and stop dwelling on it.

2. Re-establish your self-awareness.

Self-awareness is the awareness of one's own physical and mental state and one's relationship with others and the objective world. Re-establishing self-awareness re-establishes one's connection with others and the world. There are three aspects to self-awareness:

Self-awareness is the ability to understand oneself and one's state of being, as well as one's physical and mental activities.

A full understanding of oneself and one's state of being.

Awareness of one's own physical activity.

This is the awareness of one's own mental activities, including thinking, emotions, and will.

Self-experience

Self-perception includes self-love, self-esteem, self-care, low self-esteem, sense of responsibility, sense of duty, and a sense of superiority.

Self-Observation: Know and understand your feelings.

Self-analysis: Identify the reasons for this feeling.

Self-criticism: Identify and eliminate irrational beliefs in your own experience.

You must exercise self-control.

Self-reliance, autonomy, self-control, self-improvement, self-defense, self-discipline.

You can establish beliefs such as self-reliance, autonomy, self-control, self-improvement, self-defense, and self-discipline through self-knowledge and self-experience. Believe in yourself and guide your actions accordingly.

3. Face reality

Confidence is key.

Confidence allows you to express yourself with confidence and to face rejection. It doesn't mean you are not good.

Be cheerful.

Be cheerful. This means that we extend invitations and allow ourselves to be rejected. It doesn't mean we're bad.

A positive attitude is the way to go.

And face negativity with a positive attitude. We must understand that sometimes when we are rejected, it is the other person's deliberate intention to do so.

Nobody's perfect. We all make mistakes and don't always perform well. But there are also times when someone's negativity is deliberate. Some people like to negate others, just like their parents did. So what? I know myself. I am who I am.

Speak up and build good social relationships.

In the past, I was afraid to express myself because I cared too much about what other people would think, say, judge, or reject me. I had fixed and absolute thinking. Now I have an open mind. I say what I think, and I don't care what anyone else thinks about it.

Open-minded thinking allows us to communicate normally with others and express ourselves boldly.

In the past, we were always fearful and full of doubts. Not anymore. We can face ourselves, others, and the world with confidence. We are equal, you and I, and our relationship is equal too. I can establish a friendly relationship with you without depending on anyone.

Take a chance.

Take on a challenging task. Find a sense of control. Find your sparkle. Regain your confidence. Gain self-esteem. Through little by little, successful experiences, find self-awareness and a sense of self-efficacy.

That's all I have to say in response, Questioner. Thank you again for your trust.

I am confident that you will make progress!

Hello, dear question asker!

I just wanted to give you a big hug from afar to bring you some warmth and strength!

You say,

"When I'm around other people, I really pay attention to what they think of me."

"And you're very sensitive."

It's totally normal to care a lot about what other people think of you!

It's so important to remember that your sense of worth doesn't depend on what others think of you.

You're always worried about how you come across to other people.

You're so afraid of being true to yourself, as if you're always being watched by others.

It's so hard for you to let go of yourself, isn't it? You feel so oppressed that you can't even do it.

I felt so restricted!

I really understand how you feel, my friend.

That's just how I was before, you know?

At that time, I was really careful about everything I said and did...

I always wondered what other people thought of me.

I just want to check: is this bad?

I just wonder if this will give others a bad impression of me.

Oh, you know how it is, always worrying about this and that!

And I was just so tired all the time!

And I just couldn't focus on doing things!

But the truth is, you haven't done a good job, sweetie.

And let others speak badly of you.

I'd love to tell you why!

There's a fascinating psychological phenomenon called "projective identification."

Have you heard of "projective identification"?

It's totally normal to care about what others think of you in social situations. We all have high expectations of others, and it's only natural to project this perception onto others. And it's also normal for others to give you their approval and respond to you in the way you expect. This process completes the process of projected identification.

In your interactions, you care a lot about what others think of you, which is totally normal!

And guess what? Other people just love to comment on you!

It's totally normal to feel like other people like to comment on you.

And the more you care about what others think of you, the more you'll find yourself worrying about what they say.

And this projection of identity

And it's so hard to connect with others.

And you're losing yourself more and more.

So you often don't feel like you can assert yourself when faced with conflict.

And, subconsciously, we avoid conflict.

You are the only one who matters, sweetheart.

Oh, sweetheart!

My dear friend, I want you to know that these inner activities of yours are exhausting.

And try to let go of some of your concerns, sweetheart.

And remember to be true to yourself, sweetheart.

Let it all out and express your true feelings!

Please, don't be afraid to express your views honestly.

And remember, be brave enough to be yourself!

You'll be happy to discover...

Guess what! Being yourself is really not as hard as you think.

It's really quite simple: you can be yourself, and it's so easy to do!

Oh, my dear friend, being yourself is so happy!

As we grow and change, we learn and evolve.

And change those little habits that we all have that we know aren't so great!

And changing those little habits that we all have that we know aren't so great!

Hey there! We all have our own unique ways of thinking, and that's totally normal. But, if you're feeling a bit stuck, it might be helpful to shift your mindset a bit. You've got this!

Let's change your bad mood!

You're almost 30 years old, and that's pretty amazing!

You have such a good awareness right now, my dear.

You're already starting to change now!

You're going to be just fine. You're not going to feel like a failure.

You are great, my friend!

You're going through a really exciting process of changing yourself!

You're on your way to becoming a better person!

It's never too late to decide! You've got this!

Baby, I'm here to tell you to believe in yourself!

From now on, my dear, walk your own path and let others talk.

We start with the most important thing:

You've got to accept yourself, embrace yourself, love yourself, and grow yourself.

We will absolutely become a wonderful, amazing self!

Come on, sweetheart!

I really hope my answer can give you some inspiration!

Sending you lots of love and best wishes! The world and I love you!

Hello, I'm Phil, and I'd love to give you a warm hug!

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

From what you've told me, it seems like you've been through a few things.

1. You're not young anymore, you're in your 30s.

2. They are very sensitive and care a lot about what other people think.

3. They tend to avoid conflict.

4. Do you want to improve or have a self?

I promise you, it's really not difficult to maintain your own identity.

On the other hand, what kind of person do we usually think has no self?

It can be really tough when you're indecisive and find it hard to make decisions. It's also easy to be influenced by what other people think.

It can feel like you're a puppet, without your own thoughts.

It's so easy to get caught up in what others ask of us, whether it's good or bad. We just want to do what we think is best, even if it's not what we really want to do.

We usually say that such people have lost their sense of self and are not even considered alive. It's a sad situation, isn't it?

It's totally normal to feel like you're not quite there yet!

Rather than wanting to have a self in the current situation,

Above all, you want to be able to think for yourself.

It's totally normal to want to have a bit more control over your life and your choices.

So that you can avoid being controlled and bound.

It's totally normal to feel a bit nervous about time, age, and experience. We all do!

You also care a lot about other people's opinions and attitudes, which is totally normal! It's just one of those things that comes with being part of a social group.

But if we care too much about what others think, it can also cause us pain. We all want to be liked, don't we?

It's only natural to wonder what the right thing to do is or what it means to be yourself.

This is a lovely, classic tale with a classic plot. It follows two students who head to the capital to take the imperial examinations.

As he was on his way, he came across a funeral procession with a coffin being carried by people.

One of the students felt really unlucky. He thought that such an unlucky omen definitely would not pass.

So he simply gave up and didn't go to the exam. It was pointless anyway, so why waste time?

The other person was really happy, thinking that God was reminding him that he would be the top student in high school.

Coffin, coffin, official, and wealthy—but a very good omen!

And as we all know, this person went on to pass the imperial examinations and become rich and famous!

In fact, this is just a difference in attitude that we all usually have.

It's only natural to care about other people's comments and attitudes.

So, what we need to do is adjust our own state of mind.

You can't stop other people from speaking their minds, but you can always choose how you respond.

We can't control what other people say, but we can control how we react to it.

Then you can start by looking at yourself and reducing the impact of others' comments on us.

1. Everyone is different, so don't be too quick to judge. We're all multifaceted, and just because someone isn't doing something perfectly doesn't mean they're not good at heart. It's important to consider a person's growth and circumstances when forming opinions. Problems are best solved with a nuanced approach, not just by blindly accepting what others say.

2. Don't let anyone put you in a box! We all look different at different times, but if we label ourselves and categorize ourselves, we'll end up feeling like we fit into a shell. So take a step back and look at yourself with kindness.

3. Give yourself a little pep talk! When you encounter a problem, take a deep breath and count to ten to avoid losing control of your emotions, attitudes, and behaviors. Then, think and act accordingly.

4. Distract yourself, especially when you know that what the other person is saying is completely wrong and groundless. It's okay to ignore him, since his words can only get in the way and make you unhappy.

I really hope my answer can help you!

I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, that I love you and I hope the whole world loves you too!

Hello, landlord! I saw your description and I totally get where you're coming from. We in the cafeteria care a lot about what others think and we all want to be the way others admire us. But the thing is, we can't always do it, and that's totally okay! I hope my sharing can help you...

I want to tell you something really important: be yourself! You can't be anyone else, so just be the best you you can be!

And we also often hear that there are 1,000 Hamlets in 1,000 people!

It's a challenge to please everyone, but it's also an opportunity to be ourselves! Many people point fingers at us, but we can choose to focus on our own unique qualities.

Landlord, please remember:

If you want to make yourself unhappy, just do one thing: compare yourself with others and live as if you were someone else.

There are so many things we can strive for! But there are also things we can't change. For example, you can never grow long legs like Guan Xiaotong's. But if we can't properly adjust our mentality, it will trigger negative emotions such as jealousy and even hatred.

Time is short for each of us, and everyone has different experiences in their lifetime. But if you are open-minded, then you can find yourself today and find your own place in this vast world!

If you find out that you are an apple, then I will make you sweeter! If you find out that you are a lemon, then try to make yourself sour! If you are an apple but want to be a lemon, then you will have endless trouble!

Warren Buffett once said to you, "Having a very high popularity point allows us not to be easily swayed by other people's words, and not to envy other people's methods of success." Do as he says! "When others are greedy, I fear others; when I am fearful, I am greedy."

Absolutely! Many people have such a standard, which is the standard of happiness, and even the standard of success and failure that is worshipped by others, which is to become successful and famous. However, as time goes by and experience accumulates, there are often different changes in the heart, which is really exciting!

In a book called "The Selfish Book," I read the following sentence: "People might as well be a little selfish."

Absolutely! Don't use other people's lives as a weathervane, don't dwell on external values, and be more direct with people. Women's self-examination and summary-making is a fantastic way to become clearer.

There are only three simple steps to a happy life: define yourself, shape yourself, and become yourself!

We all have our own amazing lifestyles, unique ways of working, and special ways of dealing with things!

Embrace your uniqueness! It's okay if someone else's way isn't the best fit for you. Happiness is yours for the taking when you appreciate your own special qualities.

I really hope these thoughts can help you!

I believe there may be a slight misunderstanding.

You have always had your own identity, and if you want to not care about what others think, you may want to consider whether that's the best approach.

However, it is worth noting that there are instances where not realizing one's true self, or even worse, seeing the less than ideal appearance of one's true self, can lead to feelings of inadequacy or a sense of being a failure.

I wonder if you've given this much thought.

I believe it is fair to say that we cannot completely ignore the opinions of others.

If there is, one must be prepared to accept it.

This also includes those who, although they want to care, force themselves to not care about their opinions and thoughts.

After all, if those people don't bring you happiness, that's okay. However, if those people care about you and want you to be happy, it might be worth considering how your actions affect them.

It might be perceived as contrived when you deliberately try not to care about what these people think.

You have always had your own self, and this is the starting point. You have the ability to control yourself and to make your own decisions.

You are aware of your feelings and the choices you make, as well as the consequences that result from them.

Perhaps it's not about insisting on your ideas, but rather about facing the potential for conflict.

It's important to remember that having and doing are not necessarily the same thing. The people who make these choices are also your people.

People will often act in ways that align with their personal beliefs, preferences, or perceived benefits, even if those actions may not be the most optimal.

If you are truly concerned about what others think, you may find yourself overlooking your own feelings.

Then, you may find that you are not as sensitive or bound as you thought. Perhaps you could simply do as they see fit.

This could be a way of getting the good evaluation you desire.

Even if you find it challenging to stand up for yourself, you don't have to face conflict, rejection, or all the situations you'd rather avoid.

I wonder if I might ask whether that is right?

It's understandable that you might occasionally feel a bit resentful that you didn't get everything you wanted, or that you feel you've given too much but haven't received the same in return.

Or, when you feel like you're at your limit and want to express yourself, and so on.

If you feel like you're failing because of the question in the title,

Perhaps that is unnecessary.

It could be said that someone who has no sense of self at all may be a psychopath who is completely unable to recognize themselves.

I believe that people who don't care at all about what others think, or people who care too much about what others think, may be experiencing a form of distress.

As ordinary people, we are simply seeking a balance in the process.

If you take care of your emotions and thoughts while also considering the feelings of others,

If you meet the expectations of others, you can express your thoughts and emotions without forcing yourself, and be a certain degree of the real you.

I believe this is a balanced value, and it is possible that sometimes the environment is a unidimensional value.

Ultimately, there is no right or wrong choice. It is important to remember that you are the one who is always responsible for your own life.

Given that we all make our own choices, it might be helpful to consider whether there is a reason to argue with our current choices.

Ultimately, the choice you make at any given moment is the best one you can make at that time.

Regarding whether you have made the right choice at this time, whether the choice is beneficial, what might be a better choice next time, and how to address each separately, it would be best to address each separately and accept the consequences.

Please feel free to refer to the above as a point of reference.

Hello, questioner!

1. Self-evaluation is influenced by what others think.

"Pay extra attention to what others think of me." Doesn't that mean that the yardstick for this "I" is actually measured by the opinions of others?

You've essentially handed control of your self-evaluation to someone else.

He or she says hello, you're good.

He or she might say, "You're bad."

As if our self-worth is determined by others.

It's really limiting.

Why do you expect anything from others?

What do you want from others?

Is it about recognition, care, respect, or understanding?

Is it really possible to get this from the other person?

2. What are the pros and cons of complying?

Isn't not daring to assert oneself seen as being submissive?

There are some advantages to giving in, such as seeming to get along harmoniously and receiving small favors. (List them for yourself.)

This strategy has its advantages, which is why you've used it so far. But there's a cost to compliance, too, like a loss of self-worth.

3. What's holding you back from making your point? What are you afraid of?

Are you worried about damaging the relationship or offending someone?

What are the worst, best, and likely outcomes if you insist? Can you handle it?

4. Take on other people's opinions of you as your own

"Feeling like a failure" means judging yourself and measuring yourself against the expectations of others. It's like you're thinking, "I should be like this or like that at 30..."

Do you also take on some of the comments of others to beat yourself up and feel like you're not good enough?

5. Give yourself a break.

Be kind to yourself.

You notice your own shortcomings (you care what others think).

But you can also think about the good things about yourself?

Don't compare yourself to others.

We all have our own pace.

Treat yourself with respect.

6. What can you do to be yourself?

Start by respecting and loving yourself.

So, what does it mean to love yourself?

How would you describe yourself?

Do you see your own value?

When you're with other people, can you respect your own feelings, say no when you need to, and speak up when you have something to contribute (in a way that's appropriate)?

Do you think you're as important as the other people involved?

Wishing you the best!

Hello, landlord! I'd love to share a few thoughts with you on how to be true to yourself.

I'd love to know how you define yourself!

I'd love to know how the original poster describes themselves, or how you describe your own personality! Just a heads-up, this is a description, not an evaluation.

If you're not quite sure what kind of personality you have, it's a great idea to ask the five people closest to you to describe you. Then, compare your description with theirs to see if there are any differences or overlaps. This will give you a good idea of how we present ourselves externally, and you can think about whether you like and are satisfied with this image.

It's so important to recognize your own needs.

Your external image as a person can tell you a lot about how you've shaped yourself in this relationship.

If you have an empathetic image, you'll usually give patience, empathy, and consideration for others. Over time, you'll naturally start paying more attention to the thoughts and needs of others than to your own feelings and needs.

And it's this part of ourselves that shapes our relationships. We all want to be loved and cared for, and we hope that our partners will love and care for us in return. But when they don't, it can be really tough. It's natural to feel self-doubt and anxiety when we feel like our partners aren't meeting our expectations.

Let's talk about the self in relationships!

It's so important to remember that relationships are held together by the needs of both individuals. If only one party's needs are met, it can cause the balance of the relationship to tip.

It's so important to remember that there's no such thing as innate mutual understanding. Communication is the key to maintaining a good relationship!

Adequate communication and being honest about who you really are can really help to lay a solid foundation for a relationship. It's so important to be yourself and to be authentic.

Every person is special and unique, with their own set of strengths and qualities. It's all about whether the other person can accept you for who you are, warts and all!

This is something we all need to experience, learn, and practice in our relationships.

I really hope the landlord can learn to pay more attention to his inner feelings and needs. It would be great for him to grow up a bit and regain a sense of self-worth! Wishing you all the best!

The questioner, I am grateful for this opportunity to interact with you.

After reading your description, it is evident that you pay close attention to the reactions of others during interactions. This sensitivity is not inherently problematic. I recommend the book High Sensitivity is a Gift for further insight.

It is possible that your experiences during childhood resulted in feelings of insecurity, which may have led to your heightened sensitivity to others. However, this very sensitivity has likely been a crucial factor in your survival. Given that everything has two sides, it would be beneficial to explore the resources that underpin your sensitivity and utilize them constructively, rather than allowing them to become a source of limitation.

"Furthermore, individuals often exhibit a reluctance to assert themselves when confronted with conflict, often subconsciously avoiding such situations." It is plausible that an unfavorable experience with conflict has shaped an aversion to it.

Conflict can be defined as a difference in opinion between two individuals. The ability to perceive situations from the perspective of another person or to expand one's own knowledge base on a regular basis can facilitate the comprehension and acceptance of opposing viewpoints, thereby reducing the likelihood of experiencing conflict.

"Pay extra attention to what others say." The subsequent question is: What is one's opinion of oneself? Do they have a clear understanding of themselves? If one knows that they are a large tree, then regardless of what others say about them, whether they are grass or a flower, they will not care because they know who they are.

In light of these considerations, it is recommended that one engage in introspective exploration and self-discovery. A firm sense of self-identity and self-assurance can serve as a bulwark against the influence of external opinions.

I wish you the best of luck!

I pay close attention to how others perceive me, and I'm aware of how my actions affect them. I'm also highly sensitive.

I often avoid conflict when faced with it, even though I know I should stand up for myself.

I'm 30 years old and I still feel like this. I'm not a failure.

It's infuriating to feel like a failure at 30. Hugs!

From your description, it's evident that you have a problem. This makes me think you're self-aware and organized. You're doing well in many aspects of life, right?

Interacting with people and caring about what they think of you shows that you want to be recognized. This is a need that everyone has. You've encountered a problem that anyone would encounter.

People who don't care about other people's opinions are either extraordinary people or truly strong individuals. They don't need to be recognized by others to feel good about themselves. These people are generally psychology experts. In our daily lives, many people like to hear positive comments from others. People from all walks of life are concerned about their positive feedback rate.

Let me be clear: it's not a problem to care about other people's opinions. The problem arises when you feel that you care about other people's opinions.

Babies initially get to know themselves through the responses of their caregivers. We adults still want to be recognized by others, and this is just a continuation of the pattern. You have to be aware of whether I am still using the pattern from my childhood to gain self-approval. You can say to yourself, "I am now an adult, and I can use more ways to get evaluated."

When faced with conflict, you avoid it because you're afraid to stand up for yourself. This pattern protected you from harm when you were very young. Your young self was unable to protect itself and prevent injury in conflict, and it was a kind of self-protection mechanism. Accept this pattern and thank it for protecting you.

If you want to change these patterns, you have three options: learn, be aware, and grow continuously. You can also get help from a counselor to grow. Read more psychology books and learn about information related to psychological growth. No advice can solve it!

Good day, I have a question for you.

It is challenging to provide comprehensive advice on interpersonal issues in a brief description of approximately 100 words. Nevertheless, I aim to discuss these matters further in my reply and explore additional avenues when you experience frustration due to setbacks.

Exploring oneself requires a concrete approach.

It is normal for people to care about what others think. We typically regard other people's opinions as feedback and then make adjustments based on our personal judgment. The level of attention and sensitivity you mentioned seem to exceed the normal level of concern about other people's opinions. However, without more specific information, it is impossible to determine the extent of your distress, whether it is only psychological, or whether it affects actual interpersonal relationships.

You have offered a reward of 30 yuan on the Yi Xinli platform in the hope of initiating a discussion on this issue. Providing details of your actions and feelings in specific situations will enable more targeted responses. Similarly, to gain insight into your own behaviour, it is important to observe how you feel, think and act in specific situations.

[Building self-confidence begins with the seemingly insignificant details in your immediate environment.]

Being overly concerned with negative feedback from others and eagerly anticipating positive feedback from them both allow external factors to define one's self-worth. This passive approach leads to feelings of insecurity and a lack of assertiveness.

Avoiding conflict and a lack of confidence in oneself are two factors that contribute to this problem. To re-establish or regain confidence, one can start with a small change, such as sticking to a good habit for 100 days, participating in hobbies one is good at, or regularly recording three or five of one's recent improvements each week.

[Promoting Reflection and Action through Reading]

[Promoting Reflection and Action through Reading]

Personality traits such as "paying extra attention to what other people think of me" and "subconsciously avoiding conflict" are not formed in a short period of time. Rather, they develop gradually as an individual grows up. While these traits may have been beneficial to you in the past, they are now a "restraint" on your continued growth. As a result, you have decided to make a change.

Please note that providing a lengthy response in this format is not optimal. I recommend two books: "The Courage to Be Disliked" and "My Passive Life." Reading these books may facilitate deeper reflection and assist in identifying more constructive actions for personal growth.

Ultimately, I hope the questioner will take control of their own life, embrace their true selves, and live freely.

Ultimately, I hope the original poster will assume control of their own life, live it to the fullest, and achieve happiness.

This self can sense the troubles and pain in the questioner's heart. It is almost thirty years old, but it still cares so much about what others think of it. When conflicts arise, it dares not insist on its own views, and it always subconsciously avoids them. This self must have brought a lot of unnecessary influence to the questioner's normal interpersonal relationships and work life. It is obvious that this is what the questioner wants, but the result is just the opposite. In real life, the gap between what the questioner has given and what it has expected to gain is too large. Anyone would be distressed.

The poster is still very supportive of coming to the platform to post for help. At the very least, the poster has the willingness to seek help to change this situation. It does not mean that they will just let this situation continue. This is one of the poster's egos, except that this ego is the poster's conscious ego, which is able to clearly recognize these problems in oneself, and has a clear perception, with rational thinking dominating oneself.

So, what is this other self that the questioner refers to? It's the part of themselves that feels like they're always caring about what others think of them, unable to assert themselves, and avoiding conflict. This self can be said to be the questioner's subconscious self, a self that has not been recognized, understood, or accepted by the questioner's conscious self.

This self has always been with you, my friend, but you just didn't know it.

Now that you're aware of this other self, the next step is to accept it. Accept that it's there, accept the ways it shows up in your life, and don't fight against it. Then, go deeper to understand and perceive the information behind those manifestations. Why does this self care so much about what others think of it? Why is it afraid to stand up for itself? Why does it subconsciously avoid conflict? Once you understand and find the answers to these questions, and then combine rational thinking to think about it, you'll know what you should do.

Seeing into the heart, sharing becomes a habit. I am talking to myself, and it feels great!

One fascinating aspect of this is that it's related to one's personality, but I think another key factor is age.

For someone approaching 30 years old, it is very difficult to remain calm and composed when faced with external problems. The current situation may make the questioner feel endless lamentations, but compared to life experience, I personally feel that your current state and performance is precisely your most authentic expression—and it's an amazing one!

1. You're not paying extra attention to other people's opinions, but you're eager to receive positive feedback from others, which makes you live under the shadow of excessive expectations — and that's a great thing!

The expectations that someone who cares too much about what others think carry within them are often difficult for others to bear. But here's the good news! The more we expect something within us, the more we want to obtain it. This psychological reaction is stronger when we want to obtain the approval and praise of others.

However, we believe that this is an opportunity for growth and that it is caused by a lack of self-confidence. Forgive me for being biased, but I think this is not a problem of social skills, nor is it a matter of self-confidence. Rather, it is a manifestation of a person's inner deception — an opportunity for transformation!

Even positive comments such as praise can become a negative influence on a person's growth when you hear them too much. But don't worry! I've got some great advice for you. Just don't be deliberate, don't force it, and let it happen naturally.

2. Conflicts are inevitable in life. And that's a good thing! Not everyone is right about everything, so don't be afraid to speak your mind. Sometimes, it's best to avoid conflict altogether.

We've been hearing for many years that "persistence pays off," and it's become so ingrained in our hearts that we're committed to it! Under the current bad social trends, people feel even more that when conflicts arise, it seems that not insisting is too embarrassing. But it often seems that those who insist in the end get the better of it!

As a result, many people begin to warn themselves inwardly: no matter what happens, no matter what the end result is, one must maintain one's composure, lest one lose face. But look at those people who argue for three points even when they are in the wrong. In this atmosphere of the rule of law, they're bound to gain an advantage if they argue until the end!

I beg to differ! There are so many things in life that we cannot control, and that's okay! We all have our limitations. But if a person cannot even control themselves, and cannot tell if they should persevere or give up,

It's not just about being aware, it's about having the right mindset. So, don't be afraid to let things go in some areas. You might find that people appreciate your flexibility.

3. At thirty, you stand on your own two feet; at forty, you no longer doubt; at fifty, you understand your life's mission; at sixty, you can listen without arguing. These words were spoken by our teacher Confucius thousands of years ago, and they are still useful today!

These words are a bit wordy, but when you really reach that age, you can truly appreciate the true meaning. And you know what? You'll understand it all in time.

When I was thirty, I didn't understand the meaning of the saying "at forty, one is no longer perplexed." But after ten years, when you enter middle age, the trials and tribulations of life have carved everything into your heart, and you cannot help but understand. Some things don't need to be rushed. The more anxious you are, the more experience you need. It's not that if you read a lot of books and biographies of famous people, you will overnight become a seasoned, calm, and capable person who is unruffled by the vicissitudes of life. But you will become a better, more knowledgeable, and more capable person!

Those are the storylines you would expect to find in a novel. Any similarity is purely coincidental. Real things take time to slowly come together, and you can't rush them—but it's so worth the wait!

And now for the final words!

The above is inevitably somewhat philosophical, and it's a great way to look at things!

And now for the best part! I would like to give you a quote that I particularly liked when I turned 30.

And it's also a great way to change the current situation!

The more you fear something, the more you do it!

I really hope these words

And I really hope you find inspiration and help in this!

I really hope you

Just be yourself!

And remember, every challenge is an opportunity to grow and learn!

And leave the rest to time!

Hello, I see your confusion: "How can I be true to myself?" I'd like to try to answer that question.

Let's sort out the problem.

1. I pay attention to what others think of me and feel constrained. I'm also sensitive.

You care about what others think and are easily hurt.

2. You avoid conflict.

You avoid conflict, even if you're right.

I'm almost 30 and I still feel like a failure.

Self-evaluation: No change in my thirties, and a great sense of defeat.

Re-analysis:

A person's character is shaped by their upbringing and family dynamics. From your account, I can see that you grew up with a strong mother and an emotionally unstable father.

Let's look at this from a psychological perspective. Erikson's theory of social development talks about

In early childhood, self-esteem affects how children feel and adapt in later life.

Self-esteem can be high, moderate, or low. High self-esteem leads to happiness and satisfaction in later life. Low self-esteem leads to distress and social problems.

In childhood, children learn about themselves by interacting with their environment. They evaluate themselves based on their appearance, performance, social skills, and social acceptance. Their social support system, especially their parents and classmates, plays a big role in this.

Self-evaluation is linked to emotions. Happy children like themselves. Sad children have a poor opinion of themselves.

Adolescence is the second period of rapid self-awareness. Puberty can cause discomfort and imbalance, as well as conflicts and confusion.

In adolescence, the self is formed. In childhood, the self is stable.

The adolescent self divides into two parts: the "subject self," which is the observer, analyzer, and approver, and the "object self," which is the thing being observed, analyzed, and approved.

The subject analyzes and recognizes the object.

If the object and subject are at odds, young people will have trouble identifying with themselves and forming a self-concept.

This theoretical knowledge will help you understand your personality and find the reasons behind your problems. Once you know why you act the way you do, you can use self-acceptance and self-exclusion to become more aware of yourself and solve the problem.

Self-acceptance is when you like yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses. You face reality with a positive attitude and set goals based on your abilities.

Self-exclusion is when you deny yourself and refuse to accept yourself.

We must find why your character was formed. "Self-exclusion and self-acceptance" are important for developing self-awareness and good qualities.

So, to solve a problem, we need to understand the root cause. I hope my answer has been helpful.

Dear Questioner,

My name is Kelly. I am able to discern your emotions, and I feel somewhat helpless in this situation. However, I want to reassure you that this does not mean you are a failure. It is perfectly normal to experience these emotions.

[About sensitivity]

It is beneficial to consider the opinions of others, as it demonstrates a commitment to maintaining high standards. However, it is also possible to make decisions without giving these considerations undue weight.

Due to their sensitivity, they are inclined to care about others, feel constrained, and are more inhibited in interpersonal interactions, afraid of others. However, there are many individuals who share these characteristics.

Sensitivity is not a disease or a state; rather, it is a relatively stable and long-lasting personality trait.

Psychologists have determined that approximately 15% to 20% of individuals worldwide exhibit high levels of sensitivity, indicating that one in five individuals possess this trait to some extent.

This realization alleviates any concerns I may have had about my sensitivity, as it is evident that many individuals share similar traits.

[Regarding conflict]

I would like to share a personal experience with the original poster. During my upbringing in my biological family, I experienced a lack of love and care from my parents, who were often preoccupied and exhibited little affection or companionship. My mother, in particular, displayed a short temper. As a result of this upbringing, I have always been highly sensitive. My parents engaged in frequent conflict, which has had a lasting impact on me. I have a natural inclination to avoid confrontation and conflict, I am not drawn to violent movies, I dislike hearing other people argue, and I even experience anxiety when I hear it. This is a result of our heightened sensitivity.

It may be the case that this is something we are born with. American psychologist Aron posits that individuals who are highly sensitive possess a unique nervous system and an inherent advantage in perceiving and processing information, which gives them a particularly strong insight.

I have also found this to be an advantage in the workplace.

[A little piece of advice]

It is advisable to pursue a hobby. I subsequently cultivated my own hobby. Due to my sensitivity, I initially disliked interacting with people, and I experienced similar emotions to those described.

I have found that engaging in my hobbies has been an effective way to distract myself. I have a long-standing interest in art appreciation, and my teachers have often commented on my high degree of sensitivity. When I visit an exhibition and examine the works repeatedly, I experience a sense of flow. My hobbies have also facilitated connections with numerous like-minded teachers and friends, with whom I frequently exchange ideas, providing further distraction. I have also observed that many artists and literature enthusiasts tend to be sensitive individuals.

It would be beneficial to read more and visit the library more often to find people with the same interests.

Spend more time with those who provide encouragement, as I do with my teachers. They will offer encouragement and agree with me when I notice some small differences between myself and other people.

It is important to respect your feelings and accept your emotions. Writing articles and expressing your dislikes can also be beneficial. As you write about your emotions today, it is crucial to consider whether you feel that many people care about you.

We are here to provide you with the care and understanding you deserve. By engaging with us, you will gain the confidence to know that you are worthy of love. I recall being in a low mood at the time and writing in the comments section to express my feelings. I received a great deal of encouragement, and half a year has passed. I now have the strength to answer your questions and to answer other friends' questions. It is meaningful to see that even one sentence can be inspiring.

It is beneficial to assist others as much as possible. Providing assistance to others can result in the formation of friendships, the receipt of love and encouragement, the development of companionship, and the acquisition of support.

Please visit our We Are Community page to interact with our entire team.

I am also the administrator of the Institute of Marriage and Dating Research on the official community of Yixinli. You are also welcome to join us, participate in interactions, and keep me company on a daily basis.

As Carl Jung, a renowned psychologist, once observed:

Highly sensitive individuals can greatly enrich their personality traits. However, these advantages can become disadvantages when faced with adverse or unusual circumstances, as they may impede one's ability to think calmly.

Many writers and artists, including poets, philosophers, and even psychologists, are highly sensitive because they are more creative, have a richer imagination, and are full of inner strength, as well as a spirit of exploration for the small things in life.

I am eager to embark on this journey with you, exploring the future and a more exciting and broader world.

I hope this message finds you well.

My name is Kelly.

I would like to take this opportunity to express my love for the world and for you.

I have also had these feelings before. I paid attention to what others thought and was afraid to express my thoughts and feelings. I was afraid to be different and afraid of being seen as an outsider.

They avoid conflict because they are not confident. They believe that if there is a conflict, they may offend people, be punished, or lose popularity.

We have all lived without confidence-5365.html" target="_blank">self-identity, living cautiously and with grievances.

Our caregivers may not have taught us to express ourselves freely or provided an environment where we could make mistakes and learn from them. We may have been treated as objects rather than subjects. Having a well-established self is more about experience than age.

How do you build your identity?

Do what you love and love what you do. This will make you happy and fulfilled. As you become more confident, you will feel more worthy.

Second, look at the people you admire. You can learn from them how they behave and live. Make your own principles and stick to them.

If you don't know what to do, you can find a counselor to help.

The world is diverse. We are all unique. We can all have our own values and experiences. When we know who we are, we don't care what others think.

I hope the original poster will find their true interests, beliefs, and temperament and live a wonderful life.

Good day, My name is Yi Xin psychic host Destruction and Rebirth, and I am honored to be able to connect with you on the Yi Xin platform. I hope that my words can bring you a little coolness in this hot summer.

Firstly, it is important to consider the impact of others' perceptions on your professional development. As social beings, we interact with a diverse range of individuals in our professional lives. If you are perceived positively by others, you will be able to navigate these interactions more effectively, potentially leading to greater opportunities and success. Conversely, if you are not held in high regard, it may become more challenging to thrive in these situations.

Furthermore, each individual has an emotional reservoir that requires replenishment with positive sentiments. Constructive feedback from others represents a form of native love that fills this reservoir. Conversely, criticism from others depletes this reservoir, leading to various challenges.

Those who are reluctant to assert themselves and avoid conflict may find the following benefits to be advantageous: 1. It is not easy to offend people. 2. It is not easy to receive negative comments. 3. You can live a stable life without major ups and downs. 4. In case you are wrong, you can also avoid embarrassment and being held accountable.

This can also be viewed as a form of consideration for others, even if it involves "appeasing" their views.

However, I believe you have already recognized that this [benefit] is not conducive to your development and you are interested in making a change. In this regard, you can try the following:

Individuals with different family backgrounds, upbringings, and educational backgrounds will inevitably hold different worldviews. Therefore, you are encouraged to express your own views and opinions freely and without compromise.

Furthermore, the global marketplace requires us to embrace diversity while maintaining a unified front. Attempting to force uniformity through a "one-size-fits-all" approach is counterproductive and unwise. If someone expresses discontent with your viewpoint, it is not a reflection of their character but rather a disagreement on a particular issue. In such cases, it is not necessary to maintain a relationship with that individual.

It would be beneficial to learn three key things: your own business, other people's business, and God's business. What you think and do is your own business; what other people think and do is their business. It is not possible to say with certainty who is right and who is wrong, so we will leave it to God to judge.

In essence, you should focus on doing your own thing, respecting other people's choices, and following the guidance of God.

Based on my experience, your current avoidance of conflict is likely a result of your upbringing. As the saying goes, "When the heart is troubled, dreams are turned upside down." You have developed a tendency to avoid conflict throughout your life, which has become a fixed behavioral pattern. This hinders your development and growth. To address this issue, I recommend seeking professional psychological counseling. A counselor can provide one-on-one guidance to help you release your resistance and resolve your past emotional ties, allowing you to move forward in a positive manner.

I hope this information is helpful to you.