How can I communicate with family members who often ignore me? What can I do?

Hello, I'm Dr. Hou from One Mind.

Sisters are the closest. What do you think?

First, look at how your younger sister has changed.

1. She has been sensible since childhood, carefully navigating between her parents, for fear that the family will fall apart. She is the matriarch of your family, having taken on too much responsibility at such a young age.

2. She has changed from being cheerful and lively to speaking in a low voice. She is still kind and always gives, but she is also a child in a family.

She loves everyone and gives her all for the family. However, her efforts may be taken for granted by her parents, who think she should be doing it. This hurts her self-esteem and makes her feel unappreciated and unappointed. She is a cheerful and lively person, and her personal love energy is excessively consumed in the process of only giving and not receiving love in return. As a result, she "becomes quiet" and "always in a bad mood."

Let's talk about your changes.

1. You say you have no concept of home and that you don't care if it falls apart. As the first child in the family, you enjoy the most affection and energy from your parents, which gives you a full sense of security. Character-wise, you may just be used to being carefree, but you can't really say you have no concept of home.

Otherwise, you would have noticed your sister's efforts and her unhappiness. You love this family, but when your sister takes on too much, you see it as a reason or a way to escape.

2. You see that "your sister is in a bad mood" and you worry that you don't know what to say to hurt her, so you are also very careful with her. You know what your sister likes, and you make sure to give her that.

3. You have reflected on your own behavior and made changes. You went home to do more work to make up for it. You are sharing your sister's family pressures, which will relieve her to a certain extent. Your actions will make her feel "understood and supported."

Sister, you've done an excellent job!

4. You also discussed this issue with your parents, but they refused to listen. It's been decades of habit, so there's no point in trying to change them.

When my sister is in a bad mood and wants to lie in bed without talking to anyone, I will start a conversation with her. If there's something I can do for her, I will do it.

Hug her.

Give her a hug and tell her, "Sister, you must be tired. Rest a little."

"You've done so much for our family, and I'm here to help." "I'm going to clean the living room now. If you want to talk, just let me know, and I'll come over."

"

2. Make her laugh with a joke.

"Oh, my sister is unhappy. Come, let me see. Who made you angry? I'll go find him and settle scores." A teasing tone will first make her relax.

Then ask her directly, "What happened? Tell me about it."

If she says she doesn't want to talk, accept it and let her know you understand.

Then just lie back and rest. I'll be there when you need me.

"I can sit next to you and keep you company if you'd like."

In short, you must recognize her efforts, offer your support, and make it clear that she is not invisible or alone in protecting the family.

3. Sisters are the closest to each other, and they can really talk about anything.

Set aside time to go out and relax with your younger sister. Take the opportunity to reminisce about the fun things you did when you were little. When faced with your parents' discord, tell your younger sister what she did, and what you and your younger brother did. Tell her firmly, "You were really sensible back then. You were the older sister!" Then talk about the present. Your parents are old now, and it seems impossible to change them. Fortunately, we have all grown up, and your sister and brother can share with you. When you are tired, when you need it, we are all by your side.

Let her express her feelings and the grievances in her heart under pressure. Give her the support and strength she needs to know that she is not alone in struggling to support this family. Accept her for who she is and show her that she can seek help when she needs it.

Be her best friend, the kind of person she can talk to about anything. You can do this!

I want you to have unity as sisters!

I am Yixin's Xuelian Hou, and I am here with you at Yixin!

Hello, host. I hope my answer helps.

The host is a good sister who cares about her sister. From your description, I feel that your sister is always giving to her family. In the process, she has been suppressing her feelings. After she feels bad, she doesn't express it. You are on the right track. We need to open her up and let her express her feelings. When a person feels understood, accepted, and respected, she will be willing to speak her mind.

Communication and listening are important.

Talk to your sister using non-violent communication. Tell her you're worried and that you want to help. Ask her why she's sad.

When your sister feels your concern and respect, she will open up.

When she starts to talk, it's important to listen. Listening is an important part of communication.

How do we listen to our sister?

To listen well, we need to focus on what the other person is saying.

Let go of your own thoughts and judgments, focus on the other person, and give feedback when appropriate.

Often, when we listen to someone, we fill in the blanks in our own minds. For example, when the other person says, "That manager had an unlucky day today; he was scolded for an hour in the director's office," we think, "That manager must have done something wrong."

This approach is not consistent with being fully present. While we are listening, we are also processing what they are saying in our minds.

Often, we don't know if the other person needs our feedback or if they've finished talking. This kind of daydreaming is not helpful. For example, your sister says to you, "Dad always smokes in his room, it's so annoying."

She's waiting for your feedback, but you're just sitting there. If you respond with "Really? Dad always smokes in the room,"

Repeating what someone says can encourage them to keep talking.

Don't interrupt or stay silent. Listen with all your heart.

Listening doesn't have to be quiet.

Ask questions to understand what the other person needs.

Your sister complains to you, "Today, Mom and Dad said that I... and you didn't say anything." You may think she's too sensitive and accuse her of not helping her.

You may scold back angrily, and you'll part on bad terms.

If we listen with non-violent communication, we hear things differently. We can feel that my sister is depressed because her parents don't understand her and you don't help her.

She wants her parents to understand her.

He wants you to explain things to her parents when they don't understand her.

Ask your sister for feedback. For example, when you hear her say, "Can't you just say something for me?"

Ask her, "When your parents talk about you, do you want me to explain things?" She may say yes.

You can then ask, "Do you need help speaking up to your parents?" Your sister nods.

This is listening with non-violent communication.

Listening is an important part of communication. It can help you feel calmer and happier. It can also help you and the other person get closer. To listen well, you need to stop thinking about other things and focus on what the other person is saying.

This kind of listening makes communication twice as effective. It allows both parties to express themselves honestly while creating a more harmonious and friendly relationship.

When you understand, accept, and respect your sister, you can listen to her and understand her needs. She will feel supported and strong.

I hope this helps. Best wishes!

Greetings, question asker.

I commend you for considering ways to care for your younger sister.

Some of the responses have already provided an answer, and I would be pleased to offer additional insights for your consideration.

1. It is important to comprehend the influence of familial rank on all members of the family and to strive to comprehend the perspective of your younger sister.

The number of children in a family has a significant impact on the family dynamic.

Furthermore, personality traits can vary considerably.

For example, the eldest child may not perceive a high status within the family unit due to their unique position. This may be accompanied by a tendency towards greater independence and a preference for individual attention from parents.

As the younger sister, she may have been perceived as the least valuable from the outset.

Given that she has an older sister above her and a younger brother below her, her personality has developed in a somewhat pleasing manner.

It is therefore imperative not to ignore this kind of influence.

The same phenomenon may be perceived in markedly different ways by different individuals.

To illustrate, if one's parents have a poor relationship, it is unlikely that one would express concern if they were to separate.

However, your sister may perceive this as a significant issue.

It is therefore necessary to adopt a different perspective in order to gain a deeper understanding.

In contrast, when she is in a bad mood, you are very careful with her, demonstrating your concern and affection.

Furthermore, it is essential to ascertain whether this behavior is a conscious decision on your part.

It is possible that you have unwittingly contributed to her sense of injustice, thereby reinforcing her perception of your strength.

Furthermore, it is recommended that this method be continued in order to seek love.

2. It would be beneficial to direct more attention toward your sister during periods of positive affect.

It is evident that you are willing to make personal sacrifices for the benefit of your family, demonstrating a willingness to care for your sister's emotional well-being. However, it appears that she consistently exhibits a negative mood and a reluctance to engage in communication. You appear to desire a more open and communicative relationship with her, as well as a willingness to assist her in addressing her needs.

It is evident that you are willing to make personal sacrifices for the benefit of your family and to provide care and support to your sister in managing her mood. However, it appears that your sister consistently exhibits a negative mood and a reluctance to engage in communication with others. You express a desire for her to become more open and to communicate her thoughts and feelings, or to engage in some form of action.

It is not uncommon for those who care deeply about their siblings to be less objective about the circumstances that led to a particular situation or to their sibling's actual concerns.

To illustrate, if my younger sister were to attend university, would she be able to adapt successfully?

It is possible that she is merely attempting to be ladylike and speak softly of her own volition, or it may be the case that she has encountered an unhappy situation at school.

Has the loss of weight had a significant impact on her health?

It is important to note that while familial bonds are strong, it is also essential to respect the autonomy of the younger sibling.

At times, an individual may require a gradual adjustment period during which they are permitted to experience negative emotions and solitude without engaging in verbal communication.

Conversely, it is also necessary to ascertain whether her depressive symptoms are within the normal range.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether there is a slight tendency towards depression.

This necessitates a more discerning and patient observation.

It is important to pay attention to when your sister is in a good mood and is willing to engage in conversation. During these instances, it is crucial to actively listen to her in order to gain a deeper understanding of her life experiences and thoughts.

Additionally, one might inquire as to her preferences regarding future interactions in the event of her experiencing a depressive episode.

For example, engaging in conversation with the subject may be perceived as an indication of care and concern, however, it is possible that the individual may simply desire solitude or a period of personal reflection.

It is also possible that she desires your company.

This allows us to ascertain how we should spend our time with her in accordance with her wishes.

Furthermore, a sense of relaxation will be achieved.

It is of the utmost importance that we convey this message to our sister.

I express my love for you and accept you unconditionally.

It is my sincere hope that you are happy and blessed.

Should you require assistance, I will endeavor to provide it to the best of my abilities.

For sisters who typically communicate effectively and efficiently, this may not require explicit reiteration, as both parties are likely to possess a comprehensive understanding of each other's perspectives and nuances.

However, if one is not typically inclined to express such sentiments, one's sibling may be unaware of the depth of one's affection.

It may require an extended period of time to establish a harmonious relationship.

Furthermore, it is imperative to cultivate the ability to express one's love.

It is important to allow sufficient time for this process to unfold.

In the event that your sister is reluctant to request assistance at this time, it is not necessary to hasten to her aid. Instead, it is advisable to extend respect and understanding, and to place trust in her capacity to regulate her emotions independently.

Those wishing to pursue this topic further are encouraged to read "How Others Treat You Is What You Teach Them."

I extend my sincerest condolences to you.